by KYLIE TRIGGELL
Somewhere in the depths of my handbag is a set of keys. Whenever I pull them out they dangle brightly from the chain in front of my face, a glorious symbol of my hard-fought-for independence – a house of my own.
But it’s an independence I’m reluctant to accept. In fact these days I’m quite comfortable where I am, thank you very much.
It’s a statistic we’ve all heard. More adults are choosing to live at home with their parents than ever before. In fact, according to the 2006 census by the Australian Bureau of Statistics this number has reached a whopping 23 per cent of people aged 20 to 34 years old.
And to my surprise I’ve recently become one of them.
Years ago when I was barely out of my teens I took the leap into independence, packed up my few meagre possessions and moved into a rickety share house.
As I worked my way through university I used to amaze at this statistic, wondering curiously (and, I’ll admit it now, a little judgmentally) about those people who – for whatever reason – didn’t declare their independence, head out into the world on their own and put a roof over their own heads and their own food in the fridge.
I knew there were many reasons why they wouldn’t, or couldn’t, take that step, financial or employment difficulties being just the start, but when I received the keys to my first rental house I treated them like they were the keys to a shrine and took impish pride in the fact that while I may be eternally broke and living on baked beans and toast, to the disgust of my housemates, I was at least providing for myself.
But now, eight years and a few houses later, I am back living with my parents after stepping off a plane broke, jobless and homeless. I was welcomed back into the fold with open arms for what was definitely going to be a short stay ‘until I got back on my feet’.
Then I made a wonderful discovery that had somehow escaped my notice during my moody teenage years. In this magical house of wonders there are always clean sheets on the bed and a fridge that magically keeps re-filling. Meals appear on the table, and even though I try to resist, my dirty clothes have developed a tendency to disappear from my room and return stain and smell free. But best of all there’s always a cup of tea ready to be made and someone to drink it with. It’s complete bliss.
But as the days keep flowing by and I’ve found my feet and even a new house to move into I’ve discovered I’m actually resisting leaving the parental home, my independence be damned!
There’s a comfort here and a welcome lack of responsibility. My time may still be my own but it is nice to be looked after.
But every time I look in my bag those keys continue to glint at me, giving me a not so subtle hint that it is time for me to move on, man up and shoulder my own responsibilities again.
Just after I finish this cup of tea.
Kylie is a former APN journalist who thinks life is best served with a glass of wine and plenty of laughs. You can read more of her ramblings here.
At what point do you think kids should up and leave the family house? When did you move out of home? Was it your decision – or your parents?








Comments
82 Comments so far
I rented from 24-27, moved home while building a house, lived in my house for 11 years and had a pretty nice life. 2 years ago i was made redundant and have been struggling on 20k less and doing temp work ever since. 1 month ago i made the tough decision to move back with my gorgeous, generous parents. Does it feel good? No! Here I am age 38, living with the parents, renting my home out to a stranger when I don’t want to – all in an effort to save what I worked damn hard for.
It’s been a tough road and won’t end anytime soon. To anyone who who dares judge me unfairly – who do you think you are! I havent lost my intelligence nor my independence, i am simply doing what i must, and what impact does my living arrangement have on you? Your opinion is none of my business!!! I have enough to deal with so just zip it!! To anyone struggling i wish you all the very best, I believe in your ability to make your own decisions for YOUR life, hopefully without those unbelievably annoying people who claim to know better!
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Some people who look down on others for wanting to move back into the family home/stay there a bit longer probably don’t fully get the whole “different strokes for different folks” idea.
I have a friend a few years older than me who is an investment banker and has only recently out of home into the place he bought with his fiance (who also lived at home and worked full-time). That flat is in one of the most expensive suburbs of Sydney. They are really happy and seem to be getting their s*** together without a lot of difficulty.
On the other hand, I’m an admin assistant in an office in the suburbs and I’m getting out of my parents’ place as soon as my probation at work is up (in less than two months), and into a sharehouse, somewhere in the Inner West, hopefully. My parents aren’t happy that I haven’t spread my wings yet, and our lives do tend to clash, as they are really early to bed (as early as eight pm) and that is the only time during the week when I would really be free to not do much before bed.
Oddly, they have been pretty against the idea of me moving out, and now that they’re on holidays and I’m home alone, it’s the perfect test to see how I go. So far, I’ve been able to pay the bills, buy the necessities and one or two frivolous things with a decent amount left over, have a social life, do all the housework and get to work on time. I feel my age (mid-twenties) and I feel great.
Still, it *is* nice to be cared for
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I hate it when people judge me knowing nothing about my situation. I’m 28 and live with my parents because I have a chronic illness so cannot work full time at the moment, and in addition to simply not being able to afford to rent I also needed the emotional support of my family. It’s not ideal and I’m slowly getting better and look forward to going back to work full time and therefore moving out in the next year. I’m not lazy, a loser or a child who refuses to grow up, and neither are most of the other people I know my age who live with their parents. People who make these grand proclaimations about issues like this really bug me.
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I’m a first generation migrant. So for our community, it’s a case of if you do move out, then your judged.
I guess in that way it’s also a cultural thing. So wait until I generalise about our small, traditional community here: My dad won’t let me get a job, a paid one till I reach the end of University- I can, and do voluntary work. I haven’t been conditioned to believe that it is my duty to get a job either. He wants me to focus at school, be the best I can be at co-curricular, sports and academics… Then focus on part time work and moving out. I think we have a belief that part-time work stresses school going children out. and can be too much to handle sometimes- taking away from how much more effort you can put into school.
Cause I only recently moved to Australia, I actually find it quite weird that people want to move out to get away from their parents. WHAT? I love my parents so much, I wouldn’t ever want to get away from them. I read a couple of people below talking about how much of a risk it was staying at home- as the chance that you would have to look after your parents soon was getting bigger, as though it were a thing to avoid! I would find it an honour to care for my parents and personally hope that they would move into my house when I’m older so that I can look after them. But my parents are so stubborn, they don’t want us to look after them.
As for independence, that will come when it needs to. I think I’m responsible enough for a 17 yr old. I can vacuum, wash the dishes, change the sheet, clean the bathroom, make tea for my tired parents, stitch up damaged clothes, cook necessities, garden, do laundry.
I also get the feeling that moving out would give away the feelings of closeness I have with my family. I just don’t want that. I think that is what it eventually boils down to. I think they don’t want that either.
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From my four year old: “When you get married you get a nice wife and your own family. So I’ll be able to move out of here, which will be great because I’ll finally get some peace and quiet”.
In all seriousness, can you get a parent to write on the same topic? What do they think about having kids move back in?
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Don’t forget the young adults who had to move out from home at 16-17 because there parents couldn’t provide for them. Fast forward a few years and the parent has no assetts or property due to some very bad choices in life, and the concept of a family home to the young adult seems like only a distant dream that they must create for their children. No support network in the present… means no “moving back home” because there is nothing there.
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I go home a few times a year, and I have to say that I chip in around the house as much as possible. I make the tea (if I beat my Stepdad to it), do the dishes, hang out the washing, share the cooking and cleaning etc.
That wouldn’t change if I had to move back home either – I could not handle it if my Mum or Stepdad did everything for me. And if I’m being honest, I do judge people who use the care factor as a reason for staying at home. I notice I’m much more respecting of the decision if there’s a reason like “saving up for a home” or “just got back from overseas” because it suggests action. I’m not saying it’s wrong to enjoy being cared for, just that I find it hard to relate to as a main reason for staying at home.
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I stayed with my parents for 3 months whilst hubby was working overseas. I was pregnant and we thought it was best for me to have a bit of company. It was awesome!! Mum’s cooking, she sent me to work with a packed lunch, we’d eat chocolate and watch The Biggest Loser every night and I even got tucked in. I loved it.
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That’s so sweet! Thanks for making me smile
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I wonder how much the parents really enjoy their adult children coming back to their home? None of us would kick our kids out if they were in dire straits but come on.. grow up and stand on your own two feet! You are taking advantage of people who love you too much to tell you that!
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I don’t think my parents would let me come home, except for maybe a month or two. If I did, I would be doing the majority of cleaning and cooking etc., as well as my own washing (have done since I was 14), ironing etc. and paying rent, which is fair enough as my mother works full-time and is very tired from her job. I imagine a move home for me wouldn’t really be anything like that described enough, however, I also think that is more than fair considering I am an adult and am more than capable of cooking for myself and so on.
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My just turned 5 yr old son informs me all the time that he is never leaving me and in fact plans on marrying me and living with me forever. Yes, I have video taped this for his 21st, but expect with the price of everything going up and up, he will no doubt be still living with his parents at 21. I certainly don’t mind
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I moved out at 22 after having started uni and buying an appartment with my then boyfriend.
I then moved back home at 25 when the relationship ended and then followed four years of moving in and out while sorting out my new relationship in Australia and eventually getting married to my Aussie prince.
The last time I moved home I was 28, single and without a job. I thought my life was over, and then everything changed within a few months.
Every single time I’ve returned home my parents have opened their arms to me and never questioned a thing. And now they have to travel halfway around the world to visit me…
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I think the issue can be brought down to whether people believe in renting or not. My dad is massively into property (purchasing, doing them up, selling etc) and therefore my brother and I have also aspired to do so. We don’t believe in renting and our parents would rather us stay at home for a few more years to save and buy a house than renting. Whereas some people see it as a right of passage to move out and live free from parents. Each to their own.
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Man, I am so on the opposite end of this spectrum. My parents didn’t even do all that stuff for me when I was a minor. You couldn’t pay me to live with them again :p
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My parents have helped me so much, they literally helped my husband and I setup our financial future. I bought my first property at 22 while living at home. I rented this out and lived in it for 6 months. I then moved back home at 25-27 while my boyfriend and I built out family home. While at home my parents have never asked for board or help. Now my husband and I have an amazing family home and an investment property all at the age of 27. I could never have done any of that if i had moved out and paid rent.
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dont forget that alot of people bought the homes off the back of the australian tax payer – that is, the first home grant that alot of us these days can’t get!!!!!
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I think that people are very quick to make judgements about other families decisions. If everyone is in agreement about a situation and it works for them, then why not all live together. As many contributors have said..living alone is often lonely and your family is a great support network. I moved out of home at 19 but was lucky enough to have my Mum help me out when I was 36 and my husband and I moved back to Australia from overseas and did not have jobs, and had a baby…..Mum was thrilled after years of living alone to have us with her. We stayed for 18 months. Whilst I think she was also happy to get her space back, it was a precious time for all of us and very natural that a parent would help a child if they are in the position to. We will do the same for our children, although i do tell them often at 9 and 13 that they are allowed to move out when they are 18…I will be upset if they do!
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I fear the day my parents will get sick enough of me and kick me out. I love the free food, no rent, free Wi-Fi, clean clothes, etc. I’m still in high school though so it’ll be a few years till I move out, unless I decide to go live at my uni campus or something.
Honestly, I think once you’re past twenty five and can fully support yourself, relying on your parents is a bit much. If you’re broke or need their assistance, then I definitely encourage you to move back in. But there is such a thing as ver staying your welcome, even with your parents.
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Im 24 and at uni full time and working part time. I still live at home with my sisters and my dad in the house I grew up in and it sounds bad when I say that I still live at home at my age but I do all my own laundry, I vacuum, clean and cook most nights of the week for everyone in my family and my dad is in a position to be financially stable enough that he has paid off our family home and pushes rent money back at me every time I try to give it to him.
I love the set up I have now but I’m looking forward to being independent- I’ve had tastes of it and I love living out of home but financially it’s just not an option right now.
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I moved out at 17, only to move back in twice in my early 20′s. At 27 I flew the nest completely and headed overseas. I’m now almost 38, only my older brother (almost 40) STILL lives at home with my parents. My mother STILL cooks him meals and washes his clothes. The few times I’ve visited in the last few years he barely acknowledged their presence. I guess my mother must be happy as she hasn’t asked him to leave.
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I am 28 and moved back home last year after my boyfriend broke up with me and I was kicked out. It was an abusive relationship,so I am still trying to deal with it and I am not emotionally ready to move out.I work full-time and study full-time. I pay rent,buy my own food,cook and clean. My parents do not pay for me and I often help them out too. When I gain my Diploma next year I hope I will get a better pay and I will move out.
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I’m so glad you had somewhere safe to go after your abusive relationship. All the best with rebuilding your life, you sound like you are well on way xo
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I would recommend staying home for as long as you can buy help contribute! There are so many twisted, sick in the head, lying, weirdos outthere that waste your time and money and stuff you around. If you move out do it on your own if you can or with trusted people you know or are recommended by friends. Strangers are too much of a risk and put you through he’ll emotionally and financially. I had two housemates go bizerk and not pay their rent and left me financially screwed. Unfortunately landlords/ head tennants don’t have much rights in regards to sub tennants (in nsw anyways) and they know this and continue with an evil pattern of deceiving honest people, screwing them so they can live rent free – they threaten you with police and legal action and its hard to evict them! I know there are probably nice honest people outthere, but I have been burnt wayyyy too many times. So please stay at home as long as you have to – if it’s an option! If that’s not an option just be very selective who you choose to live with and do your research.
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oh, and did i mention they pinched my stuff!!!! They stole my favourite Mariah Carey CD … “glitter”!!!!! WHO STEALS GLITTER CDS?!!!! *screams*
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In answer to the question, children should have left their parents house by their 21st birthday. yes I’m hardline on it.
What amazes me about these adults living in their parents house is that they aren’t seemingly thinking about the long term future. I’m in my mid 30s and am preparing for the future when I’ll need to change the sheets of/look after/finance my parents and ILs. All this ‘its so expensive’ for young people perfectly capable of working multiple jobs and sleeping on a mattress and yet no consideration for their parents situation.
Nobodies assets and superannuation are going to last to the current lifespan, except for the very wealthy. Even the middle classes are going to run out/need to economise by living in a granny flat with their kids etc. If your parents have you at 30 and you move out at 30, the window to which your relationship might switch to one where they depend on you could be quite small.
I sincerely hope that all of those adults who live off and with their parents are prepared for the window to where they live off and with you to be very small.
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There’s a big difference between living ‘off’ your parents and living ‘with’ them. Some young adults receive more financial support from their parents once they move out, as they were paying board whilst living at home.
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That is ridiculous reasoning Dee. Get out as quick as you can because soon youre going to be stuck looking after your parents…???!!!
Personally, i would consider it a privledge to look after my Mum & Dad if/when the time comes regardless of whether id been out of home for 10 years or 30 years. It’s called love. Unconditional love. The same love theyve showed me my entire life.
Why can’t people just be happy with the fact the its the family’s decision. It’s not for anybody outside to decide.
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‘Woman up’ – not ‘Man up’
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I’m 22 and moved out of home at the beginning of the year, because I moved out to the country to teach.
However, unless I have a job by the end of the year, I’ll be moving back home until I do!
I’m not really looking forward to it though. I like being with my family, but my family is currently living with my grandparents so “moving home” involves moving back to share a room with my 16 year old brother and having no room…
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I was thinking about this the other day as I sat in my apartment on my own. I’ve been feeling really lonely in my ‘independence’ and have found what I miss about being home is actually the human contact and companionship of my family.
It’s only been a fairly recent phenomenon that families live apart and children are expected to live outside the home on their own. Even after getting married, many households stayed under the same roof and pooled resources – we are after all a communal animal.
I look around my apartment and think ‘all this space for one person seems so luxurious’ and think perhaps it would make more sense to be back home, if only from an environmental perspective.
But being home shouldn’t mean mooching off your parents. If I were to live at home I would feel incredibly uncomfortable having everything done for me. Even now when I visit for a weekend, I do my parent’s laundry and help them in the garden, and offer them cups of tea and coffee as regularly as they offer me them. But yeah, at times I feel like this push for everyone to be ‘independent’ is one of the many complex things that is leading people to be more unhappy and disconnected from their lives…
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I agree Debbie. There is such a push to be super independent in our society and for many people this creates a lot of loneliness as after all we are pack animals! Of course everyone needs to be self responsible and contribute as adults and continuing to be treated like a child isn’t beneficial for anyone. However it is so important to have that connection and sense of community!
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I agree. One of the best things I did in my 20′s was to get a two bed apartment and rent the other room out…
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What a great comment. There is more of a stigma on men who live at home than women. A man might live at home for financial reasons, but society is quick to judge him.
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I just love how we all call it ‘home’, even if we have been living in our own for so long.
My childhood home stopped feeling like like once my dad died. This year mum wants to host christmas and I’m dreading it – because it just won’t feel homey.
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My children certainly won’t be that spoiled and yes that’s what is it, changing your childs sheets, washing their clothes and slaving over them when they are adults…..that’s spoiled and in my opinion a very selfish adult to not contribute and to think tltheir patents doing all that for them is ok.
Parents of Australia your kids are adults they can do it themselves, nothing wrong with them still living at home but there is everything wrong with doing everything for them.
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I have to say that I have warned my children already (at 13 and 10) that their rooms will only be vacuumed, laundry done and sheets changed until the day they finish HSC. A lot of my friends already think I’m slack letting them get away with it that long- that was the rule when I was growing up, and I guess you often do what you know. There is absolutely no WAY I would be changing the sheets of a grown woman (or man). I’m looking forward to having far better things to do with my time!
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I moved back in with my parents at the age of 34 after separating from my husband. I left home when I was 18 and it seemed like the right thing for all of us for me to do it. I pay $200 board a f/n and love spoiling my parents. It is nice to have meals cooked and things done for you. Recently when I returned from an o/s trip my washing was washed and dry before I even got up! We all have our own space and it works out well for them having some one to look after their house when they go away on holidays.
I have been here longer than I expected and I don’t know how long I will stay – I need a more permanent teaching position for that to happen first.
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Moved out of home just after I turned 22, when I got married. Since I’d finished schooling however is had to pay board, a % of my wage and contribute to housework. We all did our own washing etc and had done since about 11 or 12.
I think kids should be able to stay home until they are able to support themselves, at whatever age that may be. However, contributing to the household in whatever capacity you can should be a given.
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Moved out of home just after I turned 22, when I got married. Since I’d finished schooling however is had to pay board, a % of my wage and contribute to housework. We all did our own washing etc and had done since about 11 or 12.
I think kids should be able to stay home until they are able to support themselves, at whatever age that may be. However, contributing to the household in whatever capacity you can should be a given.
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Who are these parents who magically change sheets, restock the fridge and wash the clothes of their adult children? I won’t ever throw my children out, but I certainly won’t be doing those sort of chores for them as adults. In fact I don’t now – my children are 13, 17 and 19, and have done their own washing, changed their sheets, and cooked some meals for several years now. After all I do work 50 + hours a week and I feel it’s only fair that they should pull their weight and not expect me to be some kind of servant at their age. I’m a bit flabbergasted that there are so many parents out there happy to do the servant thing. I’m looking forward to a bit of me time eventually!
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I’m a single mum and I work part-time and next month my Centrelink Parenting Payments are going to be reduced by around $130 a week. I am seriously beginning to panic. I don’t know how I am going to afford rent, food, bills……the thought crossed my mind that I may seriously have to move home!
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The legislation doesn’t actuallytake effect until 1st Jan 2013 so you have a couple more months up your sleeve … Good luck with it all
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Oh if life was only as simple as your ability to pass judgement. I have two young girls. I am lucky to have a friend who helps out in the mornings and takes them to school with her son but my girls attend after school care. This is very expensive. I pay more in ASC in a term than for the semester school fees. Increasing my hours would mean they would have to attend before and after school care.
Plus have you seen how much homework children have to do these days. And this is primary school. I also have to do a lot of work at home on my days off. Working full time would also mean I would have to do work at night and on weekends! Family life would be non-existant. Plus my girls are suffereing emotionally, behaviourally and academically due to the divorce.
And I was wrong I will be out $300 a fortnight! I don’t always plan to work part-time. When my children are older I have every intention of going full-time. But at this point they need me to be there for them. I don’t have an expectation that the govt should do this. It is just such a huge reduction and as my child will be 8 in December this will happen next month for me. So her birthday and Xmas will be very difficult financially.
Thank you to all of those supportive and understanding comments.
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Work full-time.
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Maggie, that’s an incredibly simplistic approach. What if L Plates can’t get child care? What if her employer doesn’t have the extra hours going spare?
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Serious question. Are there schools that don’t have before and after school program’s nearby or do all have them?
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Before and after school care really adds up. Not sure if all schools have it but I think it’s much better for mum to work part time and be there for her kids,
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i agree with work full time, figure it out. because guess what- the world owes her nothing, it was there first
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They are quite realistic scenarios but people need to be more resourceful. I have no issue with people accepting government support but ultimately people need to take more responsibilty and not rely on others to financially support them.
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get off your high horse
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I don’t know anything about the centerlink payment cuts but paying creche for my 2 pre-schoolers is most of my days pay. I’m lucky that I found a job I love where I can work 9-3pm – if I had to pay before/after school care for my oldest I would be paying to work.
Full time work would be hard to manage while the kids are so young & I have a supportive partner, I have no idea how a single parent would manage the fees & organising school holidays plus sick days.
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move back home – seriously, dont be ashamed and it will leave you stress free – one less thing to worry about – put the wheels in motion now and you wont regret it later! If you leave it too late you are wasting time – and that is one thing money can’t buy back is time. Dont worry about what others think… they arent in your shoes. If moving home is an option, don’t think twice, just do it. Set a plan in place, and commit to it. The stress of making things stretch or work out is not worth it!
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To all those people being so judgmental, all I can say is that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
For the record, I hated the days that my part-time working mum had to stay back at work and I had to go to before and after school care. It was lonely and boring and there were lots of kids with behavioural issues because they weren’t spending enough time with their parents. So, LPlates, I can understand why you don’t take this option.
All the best in sorting out your finances LPlates. I think organisations like the Salvos have financial counsellors available for free. If you called them up I’m sure they could help you. Maybe you could make an appointment with them and they could talk you through your options and get rid of that panicky feeling you currently have.
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We have 3 children – 14 year old boy, 18 year old boy and 22 year old girl
The 18yo is moving to Canberra in January to join the defence force but wants there to be a room for him when he “visits” home
The 22 year old is going to have to be removed with a jackhammer! We have told her that we will stay in this house until the youngest finishes school (4 more years) as it is convenient to the school but after that we are moving and there will not be a bedroom for her in the new place – she will be 27!! She was begrudgingly OK with that!!
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I moved out when my parents sold the house and moved to another state. I was 28!! Why would I leave. Always food available, loved the company, always paid board and did my own washing.Just never saw any reason to leave!!
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Thats a bit extreme. Did they try changing the locks first?
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So jealous of you all! I moved out at 17 so I could go to uni in the city. I was very naive and still considered that going home for the holidays would be the same as living there. Not so. Between study and a part time job, I soon discovered I had indeed left home.
25 years later I still very much wish I’d had the opportunity to be looked after a little more, save some money and just spend a bit more time with my parents. Sigh.
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One day I’m going to move out. I mean it. I’ll be 50 in December and I think it’s time.
I hope my adult kids don’t miss me too much and in time learn how to use the washing machine.
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I’m 28 and I recently moved back to my parents for the first time in quite a while! Unfortunately my last flatmate decided not to pay his rent for two months, leaving me in a very sticky place as the lease holder. I had to pull the plug as he wasn’t getting his act together and the constant threat of eviction was way too stressful.
It actually worked out pretty well considering I was just made redundant…
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I’m still at home. I quite enjoy it. I have freedom, I don’t pay board but I contribute in other significant ways. I love that my grandma always has dinner on the table for my family when we get home from work, I love that I never run out of loo paper and detergent and boring things like that because dad has this compulsion to buy 40 rolls/boxes in one go. I love that my puppy is there.
I don’t think you need to move out to gain independence. I pay bills, my car, health insurance, phone, do grocery runs etc. Yes I don’t pay board or rent and that’s because my mum won’t let me. She would prefer me to save that money for my loan and honestly, I’m not going to argue with that!
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I moved home again at the age of 23 after a bad break up left me with no house, no job and no money. Luckily my parents are totally awesome and had no problems when I turned up on their doorstep at 2am weeping.
I moved back out again after about 12 months, but I do recall I had been back there for 6 months before it dawned on me that I hadn’t done a load of washing since I moved back. When I mentioned it, oh so casually, to my mother, she just looked at me blankly and said “Do you know, I hadn’t realised either. They were there. I washed them.”
Ah good times…
What is terrific though, is always knowing that no matter what, if I needed to I could always move back. Two kids, husband and all. My parents totally rock.
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I’m 23 and had a short stint of living out of the nest while studying in a different city and I honestly did not like it.
I found it very lonely coming home to an empty place, eating dinner alone, having no one to help you when you’re sick, bundling all your dirty clothes to have enough for 1 wash load. You know you’ve got enough clothes in the basket when you begin wearing your fancy underpants and bathers.
I live with my parents in their dream home that they built, have the family dinners and breakfasts and love seeing them everyday.
It’s likely that I have to move for work soon and I’m dreading to have to leave because I love living at home. My family aren’t going to be together forever so why waste this time?
When I have a steady income I’ll definitely contribute to the house like I’ve always wanted to. I’m sure they’ll be happy to have me.
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great article
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I’m married with kids so obviously don’t live with my parents (I moved out when I was 21 or 22, I can’t quite remember!).
But I have this strange recurring dream (nightmare sometimes) that I have had to move back in with my parents for some reason (the house they live in varies in the dream and the reason why I am there) and I am desperately trying to get out and be independent again.
I honestly wake up sometimes and wonder where they hell I am. Then I turn my head sideways and see this man, remember that I am actually married and he is my husband, and, wait a minute, oh yes, we have two kids sleeping in the other room. It takes me a while to process it all.
I often wonder why I have that dream and what it means… but one thing I do ponder after that dream, is that I wonder if it’s because, no matter how cosy and inviting a parent’s house can be (and my folks have a knack for creating gorgeously relaxing homes), once you are an adult, you can never quite fully live as your own person until you break free of living with your parents. Obviously that wouldn’t be true for everyone. Just my feelings and past experiences, for me.
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Wow, I also have that recurring dream! It is awful and I always wake up soooo incredibly relieved to find myself in my own home with my husband and kids!!!
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I moved out at 27, probably a bit later than I intended but my plan was always to buy rather than rent and it took a lot of saving! Plus my sister moved out a few years before me so I kind of just took over that end of the house.
For me the benefit of living at home was that even though I paid board I was paying far less than I would have been out of home so I could save. I get on really well with my parents, they didn’t impose on me, I didn’t impose on them. In fact Mum was a little devastated when the day finally came for me to move out.
As it turns out I only ended up 5 minutes down the road. We still have family dinner once a week, most often at their house but often at mine or my sister. We pop by on the weekend for a cuppa, my boyfriend and I took them some impromptu scones on the weekend. I’m glad I have such a great relationship with them and that I had the option to stay at home so that I could save my house deposit without being a burden on them. If I’m honest, Mum would probably happily still have us all at home complete with partners if she could!
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I’m in my late 20s and still live with my mum. Would have moved out years except for study then a rough patch of unemployment. I don’t pay rent at the moment, but pull my weight doing cooking, washing, cleaning and gardening. It’s much more like two adults living together rather than parent and child. And we actually like hanging out together.
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I moved out at 19, then back at 22, then out again and then back again at 25. I finally flew the coop permanently at 26 and am now ensconced with a fiance and a mortgage.
My reasons for coming home were mainly financial but also emotional. I liked the comfort of home. That said, my mum is single so we were more like flatmates. I cooked and cleaned and I would never have dreamed of her doing my washing for me!
Now that I’m out, I’m really happy she has her own space and privacy, not to mention smaller bills! I wouldn’t move back with her if I could help it…but that said, I know she’d be ok having me back if I really needed it.
I think it’s ok to live with parents if it’s a matter of survival…but not as a lifestyle choice so you can travel or whatever. That’s not cool.
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Whenever I stay at my mum’s I end up doing more cooking/cleaning/gardening/fixing things than I do at my own house. Way more. No thanks!!
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I first moved out of home when I worked out that it would be less expensive to move out.
At the time, my mother was hitting me $60 a week for board. I had to contribute to the cost of electricity, yard maintenance, food etc. If I arrived home with so much as a six pack of beer under my arm, I was expected to share it with whoever happened to be there at the time. I could never be sure if the tasty treat I’d gotten to take for lunch would be there in fridge tomorrow morning.
Moved into my first flat. $78 bucks a week. Any food or drink bought in were there when I wanted them. I put twenty bucks into a jar each week to cover electricity and any unexpected expenses. Came out miles in front, even was able to save a few bucks. Bargain.
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Looks like your mum prepped you nicely.
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Um, am I the only one thinking, “If you don’t live there anymore, why do you still have keys?”.
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Really? I have keys to my parent’s house. I look after their plants when they are away, do errands and drop things off when they aren’t home. Plus it is just easier to let myself in when I go there for family dinner or whatever.
I only live 5 minutes away so I’m also a spare if they ever lost them, but even when my Mum lived in a different city from her parents she had a set of keys.
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I think they meant keys to the rental they left before moving back to their parents
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I still have keys to my parents’ house. If it was up to them, I’d use them every single evening to come in the front door.
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I have keys to both my parents houses. I think that’s pretty normal!
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I would have thought most people would have a spare set of keys o their parents house.
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I did my own laundry from age 15 and moved out at 17. I’ve been back for very brief periods since, but I believe my parents have done their service, time to let them enjoy the freedom of not having to look after me, feed me and have me invading their privacy. I think our generation has failed to acknowledge our parents as sexual beings with dreams ambitions and desires of their own. We seem to think their lives are lived solely to please us. I believe in visiting home frequently. By all means have those cups of tea, but know there’s also a time to go home.. To your own place.
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I remember my mum having a hissy fit when I was about 14 or 15 as well about laundry. She was ranting and raving in the laundry about how fed up she was with doing everyone’s washing. From then on, my sister and I did our own! At the time, we of course couldn’t relate to her ranting and in order to keep the peace, we just go on with our laundry!
I was also in charge of cooking the family evening meal 2-3 times a week from age 12 on the days when mum worked. I loved it!
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My 23 year old brother lives with my Mum. My parents divorced when he was about 10 and my brother lived with my Dad for most of his life so now they are living together it seems like they are reconnecting and catching up on lost time. The dynamic is also very much two adults sharing a house rather than parent-child. My brother does his own cooking and laundry. He pays board and he helps Mum with maintenance. I don’t see the problem with living with parents as long as you act like an adult and contribute to the household as you would if you were living anywhere else.
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Well, this guy is doing it right, then, isn’t he? It’s more the lazy, non-contributing space-occupiers that give a bad name to the practice, isn’t it? For every board-paying, undie-washing, kitchen-tidying adult ‘housemate’, there are probably several lazy, entitled, take-it-for-granted spongers who frustrate their ever-loving parents and can’t imagine what it would be like to have someone laying about in *their* place without lifting a finger to contribute!
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