“Our love story will not be a fairy tale and I am glad.”
By MAGGIE JANKULOSKA
Whether we like to admit it or not, at one point in our lives we have been bombarded with the notions of the intangible ‘happy ever after’, usually after a childhood spent watching and reading fairy-tales. You may long for a happy ever after as a lonely teenager watching rom-coms or as a hopeful bride, longing for the new transition as a princess wife.
Usually in the Disney realm, the princess is saved from an evil stepmother, a poison apple or a life under the sea, thanks to the kiss of their prince. Of course, once kissed, all trials and tribulations are soon forgotten and they ride into the sunset, with their life together assumed as bliss.
We never see Cinderella getting old, Snow White crippled by a mortgage, Ariel resenting her prince for making her sacrifice her mermaid life, Jasmine thinking of starting up her own business in this economy or Belle finding herself not attracted to her prince. Instead we imagine them as forever young and forever happy in their castles.
While I have been fortunate enough to have met the man I envisioned and so far we have spent five wonderful years together, does this mean we are in are in our happy ever after? We seldom fight, we support each other with our hopes and we have can even sense each other’s thoughts through our weird couples’ telepathy. Are we at that dubious ‘happy ever after’ stage, where we can drink tea on a porch and look into the sunset?
No they did not.
While we are and will be happy, our love story will not be a fairy tale and I am glad. We are both logical enough to know that after X amount of time together, a relationship does not become placed on the fairy-tale mantel.
After all, ‘happily ever after’ signifies stillness, a dead calm that you couldn’t possibly want in a relationship. A relationship is not about sailing on placid sea. Placid sailing usually signifies the end of a passionate relationship. Ironically, ‘happily ever after’ replaced ‘and they lived happily until they died’ in fairytales.
While the term remains, I’m sure its meaning has evolved. Surely a woman can no longer wait to be rescued before beginning her adventures? Can a woman or man have a happy ever after without a significant other in their life or must the term be associated with a partnership?
Can your happy ever after mean having a life full of self-discovery, personal growth and happiness sans partner? Can a life dedicated to travel, learning and hedonism be a happy ever after? Or should women listen to Taylor Swift, eat ice-cream and pine over their long lost Prince William who lost his way to rescue her?
The cynic – or realist – in me knows that there is no fairy tale relationship. A relationship may look glossy and glamorous and too good to be true on the outside, just like bleached teeth; but most times those are the couples with buried flaws – just look at Hollywood. A couple that appears to belong in a housekeeping catalogue eventually always ends up breaking up in a sordid way – that’s just my observation.
If I had to apply the happily ever after line in my life and my relationship, what would it be? In my happy ever after, I would have a partner that would always remain my best friend, ask me ‘how are you feeling?’ daily, watch bad television with me without complaining too much and unconditionally accept me for who I am. Call it happy ever after or not, but I am lucky to already have this.
This gallery features images from the brilliantly shot “Fallen Princesses” series by photographer Dina Goldstein. You can find more of her work here.
Ariel by Dina Goldstein
Maggie Jankuloska is a writer and teacher from Melbourne and is a Leonard Cohen aficionado and in love with bygone eras and all things vintage. Find her on twitter here and follow her blog here.
Do you or did you, ever expect a relationship to be like a fairytale?
Comments
10 Comments so far
As I matured I realized something: “Happily Ever After” implies a state of bliss, a psychological destination in which I find myself forever satisfied. Hmmm, what’s wrong with this picture? Could it be that this is a concept that is completely opposite of what it means to be alive? Just think….no more growth…no more new horizons….it reminds me of some kind of static pseudo vision of an afterlife with everyone carrying harps and singing, consigned to a robotic existence. The concept is simply inconsistent with the way we grow and develop as humans.
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My wife and I have been together for thirteen years, married for eleven and a half.
Without even pausing to think about it I can say definitely that I have never been happier. My wife can speak for herself.
With each passing year, the relationship has gotten stronger and better. Sure we have had our arguments but I definitely wouldn’t want to live without my wife. Again, she can speak for herself.
I’d say that we are certainly on our way to happily ever after. Not in the Disney sense of the term, but certainly darn happy in each other’s company. Okay. I spoke on behalf of my wife that time.
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We are fed alot of propaganda as kids. We expect the fairy tale ending. I grew up with no great role model for a happy relationship, but fair tales and old movies told me a romantic tale. The good thing about this is that it made me very picky when it came to men. I was looking for a ruggedly handsome man who had to be very smart intellectually, and treat me chivalrously. Yes, I agree, it is a huge ask!
In the end I’ve come to realize one thing: we based our happiness on the ‘me me me’ factor, and it rarely works in a relationship where we cannot care for the other’s needs as much as we care for our own – in mutual reciprocity.
In a relationship – any relationship – where we are mutually concerned for each other ie: as much as we are concerned for our self, then we are in a win win situation.
Its something perhaps the world should come to realize, for us to overcome our global difficulties.
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No, I didn’t ever think it would be like a fairytale but I did think it would be good because I only ever saw happy relationships growing up, as far as I was aware.
I have been with my husband for 35 years. We have our moments and every relationship is tested when times are stressful. My husband and I were friends before lovers and I think that has stood us in good stead. The foundation is still there when the lust stuff has settled down. We both have changed over the years but love, laughter and mutual respect have kept us going.
I had good models and I hope my children have. In our extended family there is only one divorce I can think of. I was always brought up to value myself and be able to be financially independent. It never would have occurred to me to expect a man to come along and solve my problems. It is great to have a partner to share life with though.
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I just want to add that I really like the content of this piece but not the title (I wrote a comment in regards to this before but it hasn’t come up so I assume it won’t).
Calling it “Why ‘happily ever after’ is a load of bollocks” came across as incredibly negative and a little bitter. It almost put me off reading it. I’m glad I did, because I really like the post, but I just wanted to share my thoughts on the title.
I see this piece as a positive one on human nature and how it (luckily) differs from stories like fairy tales – a perspective I don’t see in the heading.
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Glad you really like my post Amy, the title wasn’t my idea actually :S
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I think you story is beautiful Maggie. Thank you for sharing it with us, I think the perspective you bring is the right approach for a healthy relationship, and it’s inspiring to read about it xo
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I thought the pictures were brilliant. The last one (Rapunzel) is entirely captivating.
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I love this piece of writing, it’s so true. One of the things that resonated most with me is sentence:
“After all, ‘happily ever after’ signifies stillness, a dead calm that you couldn’t possibly want in a relationship.”
Change is the opposite of stillness in our lives, and inevitable. I think the sign of true happiness is when you can accept that change within yourself and your partner. I think when long-term relationships end, often it is because the people in them have changed so much and see each other for who they were, not who they are.
Maybe that is the greatest happy ever after you can hope for: to accept change and continue sharing and learning from it with the people in your life.
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That gallery was depressing.
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