By NICKY CHAMP
Church vs beach wedding. Big ceremony vs elopement. Gift registry vs wishing well. Cocktail vs sit down reception. Chocolate mud cake vs traditional fruitcake. Veil vs no veil. Deejay vs band. Peonies vs every other flower that exists.
There are so many decisions you have to make as a bride but none so challenging* as choosing who will be in your bridal party.
When the rumours began to circulate today that Jennifer Aniston ‘has announced’ her bridesmaids for her up-coming wedding to Justin Theroux, we were naturally obsessed mildly curious.
In Aniston’s first wedding to Brad Pitt she had just two bridesmaids: actress Andrea Bendewald and documentary filmmaker Kristin Hahn-Stringer.
So surely this time round Aniston would include her BFF and Friends co-star Courteney Cox? Actually no, the 44-year-old Aniston has reportedly chosen stand-up comedian Chelsea Handler and actress Emily Blunt.
Wait a second; Jennifer Aniston and Emily Blunt are friends? How did this escape our attention?
According to Heatworld magazine (which is not at all a reliable source but stick with it) Aniston hasn’t snubbed Cox, she just wanted to include some of her new “fiercely loyal” friends.
Chelsea Handler has hit out at Angelina Jolie for years in her stand-up routine.
“She’s a home wrecker, she is,” Chelsea said back in 2010. “She can rescue as many babies from as many countries as she wants to. I don’t f**king believe you. She gives interviews, ‘I don’t have a lot of female friends.’ Because you’re a…f**king b***h!”
[While we are not in any way endorsing the abuse of Angelina by Chelsesa, she does kind of have a point about Jolie not appearing to have any female friends....ever seen her with one?]
Why wouldn’t you want Handler as your chief bridesmaid? Actually scratch that, you’d want her as your MC.
Choosing bridesmaids for my own wedding was a political minefield. I could either have just my best friend or have six bridesmaids. All of my friendship circles; school friends, uni friends, work friends each had five girlfriends and to split them up seemed mean.
In the end I went for the low-key option of having my best friend as my one maid of honour, it meant our bridal party had an uneven number (my husband had a best man and two groomsmen) but I just didn’t want the drama that comes with having a large bridal party.
Luckily, my husband didn’t have any sisters, because I think you have to include them too, don’ t you? What if they have three or four sisters? And if you’ve been a bridesmaid for someone, is it really rude not to reciprocate?
People lose their shit over this stuff. Friendships are ruined. Noses get out of joint.
Honestly, I don’t know why people get so upset. Attending a wedding as a guest rather than being part of the bridal party means you get all the fun without the responsibility. You don’t have to give a speech, you don’t have to wear an ugly dress, no one minds if you get tipsy before the entree is served and IT’S CHEAPER.
*actually, that depends entirely on your mother-in-law.
We wonder how many of these bridesmaids were thrilled to be chosen (click through for a laugh):
![thumbs 6a010536155966970b0115721f5fc0970b 800wi[1] NICKY: Here comes the bride, there go her friends.](http://www.mamamia.com.au/wp-content/gallery/bridesmaids/6a010536155966970b0115721f5fc0970b-800wi[1].jpg){kind=small}
If you’re married how did you choose your bridesmaids? If you’re single have you already chosen your bridesmaids? And if you’ve been married more than once did you have the same bridesmaids the second time around?
Comments
177 Comments so far
It is a political mindfield! As a soon to be bride i’d like to add a large P.S. Unless someone agrees to be your bridesmaid for a few months, and then says no because another friend has asked her on the same day.
I had no idea it was a competitive sport, but at least I know who to invest my time in now.
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I was asked to be a bridesmaid last year. At the time I was close friends with the bride-to-be and I didn’t mind her partner.
But over the past year they’ve become unbearable. I can’t stand to be near them, the husband-to-be is offensive and thinks it’s ok to make myself or my partner the butt of every joke.
The wedding isn’t until Christmas 2014, how do I tell them I want out?
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I was asked to be a bridesmaid for my best friend then they changed their wedding plans and i wasn’t even invited at all!! Weird hey….I can laugh now
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I think it’s important to have those who support you in daily life standing next to you on your big day. I’ll have my best friend who I text/speak to everyday and my 2 sisters. My problem will be deciding on flowergirls/pageboys as I’ve got so many gorgeous little ppl in my life who I’d love to have involved xx
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My best friend got married last year and even though she’d told me on two previous occasions that I would be her bridesmaid, she didn’t choose me. As much as it was better attending the wedding without any responsibility – whoop whoop! – I was gutted by the way she handled this (or mishandled it, more to the point). Instead of explaining to me that I wasn’t one of the three bridesmaids she didn’t address it at all. Eventually I asked her why and she said she ‘hadn’t considered me at all’. Ouch. I was heartbroken at being excluded. Not having the chance to support her on one of the biggest days of her life was very painful, and mildly embarrassing, as many people asked me why I wasn’t a bridesmaid when we were so close.
It became obvious that we’d drifted apart – which is probably why she didn’t want me in her bridal party – so this snub was the push I needed to move on from a friendship that was no longer working.
My advice to all brides would be: of course choose who you want for your bridal party, but if there is someone who would be expecting to be chosen – and whom you have flagged the possibility previously – do sit her down and explain your reasons. She will understand.
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I am having 5 bridesmaids. It was 1 (my sister) or 5 because I have 4 friends I cannot choose between. At the end of the day I decided I wanted all of them with me helping me celebrate. My Fiancé is having 3. I don’t care that we are uneven.
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It was easy for us – we just didn’t have any sort of wedding party. But our wedding was a small (28 people including kids) garden wedding with family only so it didn’t seem odd. If people get upset over this crap – are they really friends?
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not every bride has their siblings as a bm. or only one.
my sisters had our other sister and her best friends as bm..
no biggy
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I had 4 bridesmaids. My sister and 3 of my dearest friends (at the time). They were wonderful and I loved having that many. But i am now no longer friends with 2 of my friends. But I still look back on my wedding photos with great fondness. I would be devastated if my best friend and my sister didnt have me as a bridesmaid. I think it is a real honour!
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I had my 4 best friends for bridesmaids, my hubby had 4 groomsmen. I never considered having his sister as a b.m – he didn’t have his brother, or my brothers either. You have to have the people who you feel most comfortable around – especially when you’re freaking out the morning of the big day!!
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Never occured to me to have my husbands sisters either! Didnt realise it was an expectation. Wow, maybe I pissed them off without realising it!
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We had a small beach wedding so didn’t want a big wedding party. And I couldn’t choose between my friends, so I asked my sister to be my witness to sign the registry etc.
It was fine on the day, but my sister aren’t actually that close, so in hindsight, I wish I had toughened up and chosen one of my friends.
No matter though!
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I have been married for almost a year. Choosing brides maids was going to be difficult and as we wanted a small wedding. I have two sisters and a mother who doesn’t speak to one of them (and now me as well), but that’s another story). My husband has two close friends but he is very reserved and didn’t want a buck’s night. I on the other hand have many close friends. We decided to go with my husband’s ten year old son as our best man and four flower girls who were the daughters of two of my very close friends. I have been a big part to the girl’s lives since they were born so I thought it was a good choice. The day went well. The flowergirls felt like princesses, my stepson remembered the rings and was a good sport about wearing a pink tie. The eldest two flower girls made a surprise speech thanking us for making them a special part of our big day, which was really lovely.The youngest flower girl had a tantrum and didn’t want to wear her dress to the reception, which was disappointing, but in general a good time was had by all.
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Cant say I ever considered having any of my husbands sisters for bridesmaids, never crossed my mind. I had a “bridesmaid” and a “bridesman”, my 2 best friends in the world.
I still cant believe how many brides expect their bridesmaids to pay for dresses etc, sure if you let them wear whatever they want that’s fair, but if you are going to dictate the dress, pay for it.
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Far out, those photos highlight something. The need for someone to create evening gowns / bridesmaids dresses with sleeves!!!!
I was looking at them thinking why do brides insist on their bridesmaids wearing sleeveless and strapless dresses when they dont have good arms or the figure for it.
And then I realised that buying such dresses with sleeves is almost impossible!
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Been married twice. Different bridesmaids each time. Only still friends with one.
And for the record the dresses were all nice!
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I had my bf from high school as maid of honour and my closest cousin as bridesmaid (I have no sisters and she is the closest thing to a sister I have). In hindsight I wish I had switched their roles and had my cousin as maid of honour. I hardly see my friend anymore and we aren’t close like we used to be, but my cousin and i are close and always will be.
Hubby has 2 sisters and I had no problems not including them and hubby didn’t include either of my brothers
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We had a beautiful simple wedding w one bridesmaid, groomsman was hubby’s uncle who we had met through. After we had a cocktail party in my parents’ garden w just finger food and before that lunch for close fam and friends. Didn’t cost much over $4000 and was simple and beautiful! We had 60 guests
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We had two weddings, one low key in Canbs where i grew up and i just had my bff, then the church wedding in Europe where hubby’s from and i had my sis. I was bridesmaid once at 18 for a fam friend who just asked me to add to her number and i got bitched at and had to fork out for an ugly dress i never wore again. I was still excited bc i had always wanted to be one! Later i was bm for a close friend, the hairstyles were awful but it was a special feeling to be there for her!
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I had a similar dilemma of either 6 bridesmaids (2 sister in laws, 3 school friends and 1 other dear friend) or offending everyone. I chose to offend everyone and had my Mum as my matron of honor. My hubby also chose not to have a bridal party and used his two brothers as our ringer bearers. Thankfully the small size of our wedding venue (tiny little chapel) helped support our decision to not have a bridal party.
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I need help with this one. Two sisters. Two best friends i’ve known for 18 years. Only want two bridesmaids. But either way two people get hurt… Do I have four or do I pick two and if so, how? Three of them say “whatever you want to do”, the fourth (my little sister) says “how could you prioritise friends over sisters?”. My gut had been friends, but after that comment I feel way too guilty to do that. I actually want just one of the friends, but the other friendship is too valuable to me to hurt her by not having her there. I’ve thought about no bridesmaids but it seems like a cop out just to not offend people; I do want to honour someone (all of them) by saying they are important to me in that way. But FOUR sounds ridiculous to me. Not easy! Any advice appreciated.
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If you only want two have your sisters. I got married 8 years ago, as did a lot of my friends. It’s amazing how many friendships have drifted apart or changed over that time. Some of my friends now don’t see their bridesmaids at all. I had my sister.
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I got married nearly 18 years ago and things really do change with your friendships. I chose friends. My bridesmaids are all still single today and I just dont see them much because they’re busy with their careers and their social lives and I’m busy with my family. If I had to choose again today I would choose differently.
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Thank you both for your thoughts; very helpful. I’d like to please everyone but it is not always possible. I think perhaps you are right and sisters should trump friends. I might try living with that decision for a while before I tell anyone. Thanks!
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Choose your sisters babe. I regret not having mine. They were living overseas and it seemed too hard but I should have done it. 5 BM’s, still see 2 regularly. 2 several times a year and 1 stopped speaking to me after the wedding, no idea why.
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Definitely go with your sisters, and get your friends to do a reading or something? Then they are part of the ceremony too and know how important they are to you
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I actually say go 4 if its not a cost issue. My DH wanted 4 groomsmen but i only wanted 2 to start with. I ended up with 4 and loved sharing my day with them, I think it can be more fun with more, but thats just how it workd for me
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I would choose your friends. Your sister sounds like she wants to manipulate you into having her there with the guilt trip!
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I had been a bridesmaid 6 times when I got married. I had my best friend and my hubby had his brother. I chatted to my sister and my four close girlfriends I had wanted as well..they all understood & were included in the wedding (witnessing marriage certificate & readings etc.). I hung out with all the girls on my wedding morning & we had our make-up etc. done (it was great fun).
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Okay call me pathetic- i’m single, 22 and already kinda know how I want my wedding. In terms of bridesmaids i’d definitely have my sister (maybe make her maid of honour cos she’s so good at organising things) and probably my cousin. I think i’d like 1 or 2 close girlfriends as well. I like them all equally, but maybe i’d choose them by asking who would most like to do it/really doesn’t want to do it or something.
Oh and I would never dress my bridesmaids in ugly dresses ever! The wedding photos would look so ridiculous. I like the idea of having one colour but styles of dress- to suit each bridesmaid’s body.
Still got a long time to think about this though
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I chose my all time best friend since highschool that knew me better then anyone still my best friend and closer then ever 3 years after my wedding. We decided on two and as my sister refused to be a bridesmaid (she felt after 4 kids she couldnt do it) and Im not close to my sister in law ( I think she expected to me a bridesmaid) but at the end of the day I believe its people close to the bride just as I believe groomsmen are people close to the groom.
SO for my second I chose an old school friend I had been hanging out with a lot BIG MISTAKE!! I didnt get the chance to be bridezilla as she was my bridesmaid-zilla demanding this demanding that, stomping her foot and then complainging behind my back at the cost of my wedding (I paid for everything for her) and when I spoke to her she lost it because she couldtn afford her wedding and felt it was unfair I could. Needless to say we are FB friends and thats pretty much it I havent seen her in 2 yrs. I think you def have to choose your bridesmaids very carefully but I dont think you should have to include your sister in laws if you dont want to.
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I was dumped as being a bridesmaid by my friend of almost 30 years….because I “didn’t meet the expectations she had of her bridesmaids” – eeek!! I “asked too many questions” (because she told me to go buy a dress, and the only instructions were it was to be “ivory” and “feminine”) – sadly every dress I chose was wrong. It brought out some very unattractive traits in both of us and I have no desire to speak to her again…..what a shame, but I guess told me how highly she “really” valued our friendship….I was just there to fill a space. Weddings can be awesome, but they can also bring out the worst in people……
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All of this wedding and bridesmaid stress is making me really think that eloping and spending more money on the honeymoon is the better path to take. I mean, I’d rather have a no fuss marriage and enjoy a lovely honeymoon rather than get all the preparations for a wedding organised and deal with inevitable dramas. They’re so expensive as well, I can’t justify it. Of course heaps of people will disagree with me haha,
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I’ve decided if I’m ever crazy enough to do it agan, it’ll be Vegas. With a Korean Elvis.
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That’s a very smart decision. Just do what you want. You could always just have a huge engagement party or something (if you haven’t already) with absolutely everyone to make up for it…it’s pretty easy to have a big party with drinks and nibbles.
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I got married at the registry office, one sister for bm which was fortunate because the other sister didn’t end up arriving until later as her car broke down on the way to the wedding. We had a small cocktail party afterwards – still too much fuss really. So many people told me I would regret not having a ‘wedding’ – been married 25 happy years and haven’t regretted it yet.
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Mine was pretty simple, my two sisters and my sister in law, husband had his brother in law and two mates… So we were even! I think 3 was plenty!
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When I got married I didn’t really have any close friends in Australia, so asked my sister in law to be if she’d do the honours. She declined on grounds of having a four month old baby at the time of the wedding. Second option was the girlfriend of my husband’s groomsman as she was the closest relation to a friend.
We had to have the groomsman as my husband and he had a long standing pact.
I’m actually sad that no one will ever ask me to be their bridesmaid, but it’s more to do with the fact that none of my friendships here are close enough to warrant that level of trust
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This article brought me up in hives. So much trauma from being a bridesmaid. Pretty much entirely self induced. Got the sack as Maid of Honour from one wedding and was entirely unsupportive as bridesmaid to another friend because “I don’t get weddings”. I was just awful and totally without empathy which is actually totally unlike me usually. I was having a really rough time myself but I was just totally, and selfishly, oblivious to how awful I was being. A year on and I’m still totally ashamed of myself and obviously two friends down.
Hideous.
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Sorry about your experience, but perhaps not too late to make amends?
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Perhaps contact them to say sorry. You sound like you have regrets, and there’s no reason to live with them.
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For my two bridesmaids, I had my gorgeous best friend of 22 years, also my darling sister who was 22 years old. Ten years later I love them both more than ever !
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I paid about $4,000 for my flights (from London), dress (ugly), shoes (uncomfortable), hens night (tacky), jewellery (hideous), hair (gargoyle), makeup (pancake mixture) etc etc etc… plus has to take unpaid leave from work for two weeks as well (cost about another $4K in AUD)…. never again.
The whole thing turned me off weddings completely.
The worst bits though were the endless photos… 4 hours of freaking photos!!!
Also… grown women wearing matching dresses… really?
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We had no attendants, no one “gave me away”, we didn’t walk down an aisle, and we got there early so we could greet our guests as they arrived. Not exactly traditional, but truly meaningful. Parents, siblings and friends were involved in appropriate ways, and it was the best wedding ever! (Not biased much…)
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As a recently engaged person I have to admit I love the wedding related topic! I was a bit miffed in my youth at not being asked to be a bridesmaid for a friend’s wedding. On the big day, though, I was so overwhelmed by the special-ness of the occasion and quickly realised how lucky I was to be included in their special day. It is an honour to simply be invited to anyone’s wedding – guests who make it all about them by kicking up a stink about their level of involvement need some perspective!
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I had three bridesmaids, but only one of them is still a big part of my life now (10 years, two children and a career change later, mind you).. I really wanted for them to just wear a dress that they liked, they didn’t have to be the same, but they insisted on matching dresses! Never mind, they looked great. If I was doing it again I wouldn’t have bridesmaids at all though.
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Call me sad, but the highlight of this article was the gallery. Some bridesmaid outfits are actually ok, but some – words fail. The bridesmaid dress I wore in the 80s was remarkably similar to no 11, except it was pink, and taffeta, and with a hoop. Yep. My mum still has photos of it, of course.
The only wedding I was ever offended about not being asked to be in was a so called best friend’s. Apparently a number of friends even asked her why she didn’t have me as a bridesmaid. I told her politely years later that it had upset me and why and she did apologise. However that was kind of a sign, we aren’t really talking atm.
My oldest daughter is getting married and is having her 2 sisters in the wedding. One as a junior bridesmaid (she will be 10) and the other as one of three bridesmaids (she will be 13). So they are both thrilled, particularly the youngest.
Fortunately, I don’t think my daughter will be too much of a bridezilla, just ridiculously organized (she loves lists).
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I had 3 bridesmaids. They wore whatever they wanted, did their own hair and makeup, and I just gave them matching bouquets.
Seriously I think half the weddings I know have resulted in huge upsets between the bride and the bridesmaids (as the stories below show) – I just wanted to get married without any of that hassle!
It was all good fun, but if I was doing it again, I don’t think I’d have any bridesmaids and would keep it even more simple.
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Forget bridesmaids! Who needs ‘em? I didn’t! It was my wedding so I planned it and did everything–made sense to me. We had friends at our wedding and I sort of had a maid of honour for registry signing purposes, but no “bridal party.” So glad, too. Totally just my opinion, but I think a lot of wedding stuff is just plain silly!
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I know that my sister was extremely pissed off when her BFF & head bridesmaid didn’t ask her to do the same job at her own wedding. To rub further salt into the wound, my sister didn’t even get an invitation to the wedding because at that time she had been divorced, had had a child to another guy and was living in a de-facto relationship with him !
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I had my bestie as my Matron of Honour many moons ago and I thought when she got married, I would be in her bridal party.
I was called with the good news of her engagement, and I told her congrats, blah blah, blah! Then she started talking about bridesmaids and I totally thought she was going to ask me, but instead she made it into a reality show booting off the island style talk. Where they rev you up and then say “You aren’t going to be my bridesmaid”.
I was a bit shocked, and apparently the reason why was because I was breastfeeding. She didn’t want my baby’s feeding times to interrupt her wedding and the planning (hens night and all that). I thought it was pretty lame.
I was shocked at the time, I am over it now. I went as a guest instead (it was rather dull anyway) and things are still funny between us.
And not on my part, its sorta like she doesn’t want to bother with much contact these days. That’s just how it goes sometimes?
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I was fired as a bridesmaid when I said that we would need to chose a dress that would fit if I was a few months pregnant. I’m not slim and look a bit pregnant at the best of times, so I assumed she would want a style of dress that would be suitable anyway. Nope, I was asked to stop trying to get pregnant or she couldn’t have me for a bridesmaid. I made the right decision and I’m sure my daughter agrees!
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Asked to stop trying for a baby??? Shocker. That’s a friend you don’t need!
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Best wedding I ever attended was my cousins. We were invited to an engagement party, although some people had a feeling it was more, and it was. When we arrived at thier house we could tell straight away. They did not have any bridal party. Everyone was asked to bring either a salad or a dersert and they orded a spit. They organised a DJ who was also a great MC. The next day they drove off to a little country town and stayed in a BB for the weekend. The money they saved on preparing a traditional wedding, they put towards their morgage. I prefere this to the big weddings that cost alot of money, and lets face it seems like every other wedding.
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that does sound very nice but in defence of weddings, I loved my wedding, to me it definitely wasn’t like every other wedding and I also enjoy attending weddings. I agree they don’t need to be big and cost a lot but they can still be very special
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No 22 looks like the photo on a Butterick pattern packet!
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Some of the plain dresses in those pics are nice. I wasn’t laughing at them. Obviously the 70′s and 80′s ones are a bit cray cray but some of them were pretty nice. I had my sister and my best friend. I made my cousin and one of the readers at the church and my other two close friends the ushers!! All worked out fine.
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My best friend of 15 years decided just prior to her getting engaged that she no longer wanted to be friends with me after I explained my hurt at her being selfish & not being kind in a delicate situation. I didn’t even get a courtesy message informing me she got engaged- I found out 3rd hand. She proceeded to invite me to her engagement, the day before (maybe out of guilt). Her Wedding is this weekend & I’m not invited, or had any communication. I’m desperately hurt but understand its not meant to be. I now feel torn as to making contact to wish her a happy day as I do want her to be happy, but not at my expense. Hmm, maybe one day it will all make sense…
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Thats very sad. I lost a long time friend (almost 20 years) and it still hurts 10 years on. Maybe you could send a well wishing telegram via her family? They are usually read out during the speeches and would be a way of being there without being there? Can you email a message to her mother/sister/family member?
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I lost a friend over her wedding. Can’t say I miss her at all, or ever did. Lots of other people out there to be friends with!
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No offence but it doesn’t sound like you had a very strong relationship with your friend if you didn’t miss her. Maybe I am just very sentimental about friendship.
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I dont mean to be rude but if you never really missed her I dont think your friendship with her was genuine from your part and she may have gathered that.
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I got married in December to my boyfriend of 11 years, we chose not to have a bridal party at all. We had 20 guests at the wedding and had a celebratory dinner at the lovely restaurant afterwards.
I have two sisters who I love to death, and my husband has two brothers, and we each have close friends who we could have had in a bridal party, but with such a small intimate wedding, we didn’t feel the need to have anybody. No noses were out of joint from either side and we had a wonderful day, a beautiful celebration with minimal to no stress!
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Besides being a tradition, can someone tell me what the point of having bridesmaids is? (Truly I don’t understand!).
I got married in December and didn’t want to have a bridal party so we didn’t. We had 55 people, all our great friends were there…. ?
My close friends offered to help anyway and to be honest, I didn’t really need it. I’ve seen the choice of bridesmaids really offend some people and hurt their feelings.
Also, the article seems to suggest that for those of us with few female friends it’s because we’re ‘bitches’. I shied away from close female friendships after high school as I had such a terrible experience with girls. I couldn’t navigate the ‘rules’ of female friendship very well. I’m lucky I have retained 2 cherished friends from my youth (two very relaxed loyal women) but only in my late 20s did I begin to pursue widening this circle. Some of the women I’ve met in the past few years also have few female friends but I don’t find them to be bitches. I find men easier to be around most if the time. I don’t really think this makes me a bitch.
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I had two bridesmaids and they were invaluable. There was no way I could have peed while wearing that dress without them…
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I forgot ALL about that! Me too.
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Choosing my bridesmaids was easy, my sister (one and only) and two friends. One I had known since year 7 and the other year 8. I am not a person who has loads of friends, a bit of a loner. Although my sister was only 16 she was not the selfish 16 year old and we all had a ball. That was 37 years ago and I am still friends with both my sister and my two friends. My husband only had a brother so I didn’t have the problem of including a sister in law. My brother was only 12 so too young to be in the bridal party but he came with us for the photos.
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I had my 2 sisters. They are my best friends anyway.
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My husband and I had three best friends each; from the different parts of our lives so we had these six friends. None of these friends were connected before but now they get on really well when at our functions. We’ve gone on to have three kids and have asked each ‘set’ to be god parents so its just been lovely.
We also had five flowergirls and two page boys as we wanted all of our nieces and nephews and people poo poo-ed the idea but we didn’t listen, and we knew we’d done the right thing seeing how delightful the kids were on the day.
Choose only who you know is from your village, the rest don’t matter. People love to pick, criticise, bgtch and moan about others so don’t give then more power by actually listening to them.
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I was sacked as a bridesmaid.
The bride in question chose not to tell me herself, preferring to let me find out during the speeches of the engagement party.
She never could see that what was a bit on the cruel side was not the sacking, but the decision that I wasn’t worth telling.
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That’s horrible Jane!
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Are you still friends? Did you go to the wedding?
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We are still friends – 20 years of history, entwined families
I made a decision I regret, and told her of my distress. Maybe if I were less self-centered I could have let the matter go. She apologised.
The hardest, saddest part was realising that the idealised view I had of her had blinded me to her terrible unease and feelings of insufficiency. Wedding details had occupied her thoughts for years and a changed bridesmaid line-up was a tiny detail within a life-occupying obsession.
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This article just made me remember a hilarious night with my girlfriends recently. We were talking weddings because there are 3 coming up in the next year or so. One of the girls was saying how she had missed out on being a bridesmaid as all her friends were married when one of the brides to be turned to her and said but you are one of my bridesmaids. Turns out she had forgotten to ask! First friend is now totally chuffed that she still gets to be a bridesmaid even if it came as somewhat of a surprise.
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I am sorry but the whole thing seems weird in this day and age.
Cant someone just help you with the wedding and not be in a “bridal party” and who would want such a demeaning title as “maid of honour” or “matron of honour”? Jennifer anniston will just hire people to pick up dress etc … this is too ridiculous for me and listening to the awful petty politics on this page has put me off permanently. I find the gendered split beyond stupid and the cost and everything too outrageous for words. Examine your conscience and your tax returns – hope you are spending more on Oxfam than on these ridiculous indulgences. This is an awful awful industry and you are buying it hook line and sinker. all this stuff has nothing to do with being married.
I am not being a troll here but i do not get why in this largely atheistic country this is such a big deal. When people talk about their wedding plans to me i feel sort of embarrassed for them.
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Hey Kate, I have to say I don’t feel that way about weddings. To my family weddings are such a wonderful celebration. I had a really happy fun wedding and we still look back and smile at all the wonderful memories. Yes the money could have gone to a number of different things but we are on this earth for such a short time that making really special memories like this is important. I don’t think you are being a troll, you have every right not to like weddings, just thought I would share with you why it was so special to us.
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I think it’s about a very ancient need to celebrate the joyful events in our lives. How dull our lives would be without some pageantry.
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Sorry but i didn’t see the bit where i said i was totally against weddings. I am totally for sharing events with friends and family – do it all the time but don’t need to have a wedding to do that. My life is not boring without attending weddings – which i do occasionally go to when they are not wildly excessive events. And pagentry comes in all sorts of forms. I agree we are on earth for short while but the average 50K wedding could make a lot of memories spent on travel and other things. And i also resent the hell out of people telling me they cant afford a home shortly after they spend that kind of coin on a wedding. I agree it is someones choice how to spend but firmly believe there is a lot of pressure to spend on such unimportant things….bonbonierre; gold foil invites (i have always thrown every one out after event…some folk pay 1000 to get them printed) thank you notes.
I am however totally against the excess, the lack of environmental care, the infighting politics, the narcissism, the hypocrisy of many turning up to churches when they neither believe or practice, the selfish inconsiderate behaviour (got 50+ comments here to back me up on the generally awful behaviour) and the registries…erggh. Also in day and age when 50% end in divorce there is also something a little delusional about it all…
As i said i didnt feel as badly about it and never thought much about bridesmaids til i read the stories here and they have convinced me it is pretty bad.
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You do realise that 50+ comments about how awful weddings are, is still only a few comments. People tend to comment on these things because it brings up strong emotions, some negative.
Not everyone wastes/spends a lot of money on their wedding either. There are plenty of people that happily restrict their spend, because it is after all, only one day and just try to make it an enjoyable day.
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I wasn’t suggesting you were against weddings. I read widely and it seems that no matter how poor or desolate people are in society they will do whatever they can to find luxuries for a wedding. They’re a celebration of love, life and hope.
Just for the record, I had a simple wedding and spent less than $200 on my dress. I would never go into debt for a wedding but I understand people’s desire to put some magic in their day.
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I agree Liza. I had the wedding I wanted but didn’t spend money we didn’t have and certainly not anywhere near 50k. We spend most of our money on the honeymoon (which was another great lifetime memory). Weddings don’t have to be about excess, just about sharing your love with family and friends and doing it the way you want to. I have been married for over 12 years and our wedding is still very special to us. It has also become a facsination to our kids, which I think is lovely. Weddings bring out the best in us and help us all to celebrate each other and this precious life we have.
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OMG Kate- have pity! Weddings are a wonderful celebration! Maybe not for you, but please don’t shame others for wanting to celebrate. Life to me has too few opportunities to have fun a be happy, life is for living after all. Sorry , but u are a VERY wet blanket…..
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You feel embarrassed for them? That’s so insulting and scrooge like. Why not be happy for others!?
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I am so looking forward to my wedding; the memories of walking down the aisle on the arm of my adored father, towards my smiling husband, cackling like hens with my bridesmaids, hearing the wedding speeches, watching my two small children walk down the aisle, our first dance, hearing his hand written vowes of love, getting my first ever manicure/ hair and makeup done, dancing with our guests under fairy lights, the list goes on…. And you are embarrassed for me?? I pity you and your lack of joy
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This recently happened to me. I was devasted when my best friend of 10 years did not ask me to be her bridesmaid. She has two sisters and also asked another friend. Reading this post makes me feel a bit ridiculous, but on the other side, realizing that someone does feel the same way as you about your relationship hurts.
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