By BERN MORLEY
When did it become taboo to admit that you would like to find a partner and have a baby with them? Why did it become considered desperate and shameful to reveal that you might be looking for a long term relationship and start a family in the near future?
Cue ‘serial dater’ Emmanuel Limal and his dating website designed specifically for individuals wishing to not only meet someone interested in a long term relationship, but to also find a partner that wishes to start a family.
Limal, who re-mortgaged his apartment to start the online dating site called babyklar.nu (Baby Ready now in English) said his reasoning was simple. He wanted a safe online dating site where wanting children was not only not a deal breaker; it was a prerequisite.
It is genius really. Here are all these people scrambling to set up websites and apps for people seeking casual sex and this guy taps into the yin to their yang. Just as the sexually liberated people of the world are embracing the unabashed hook up element of the dating world, so too are the ones that aren’t scared to say and ask for exactly what they want.
Says Limal, “I couldn’t seem to meet anyone willing to prioritise starting a family and struggled with when to mention wanting kids any time I met someone new. It’s the ultimate dating taboo,” he said. “Then one day I read a profile from a 38-year-old who said she knew it was ‘really bad to admit’ but she wanted children. And I just thought: ‘You shouldn’t be ashamed of this.’”
53% of registered members on Limal’s site are men, going totally against all general stereotypes and with testimonials from both sexes declaring “It’s so lovely to be able to say this out loud …” and “I finally dare to be honest about what I want.”
Here’s the thing.
There are a lot of people that want to meet their soul mate, fall hopelessly in love, start a family and end up with the whole white picket fence fairytale. Yet, the seeming ease at which people are able to find casual sex through online sites means that they are finding quite the obstacle in their way
You would think that online matchmaking sites would be one way of eliminating these kinds of dilemmas. Not so. See, with online dating sites such as Grindr, Blendr, Tinder and Adult Matchmaker, casual sex just became a whole lot easier.
The major attraction of these ‘hook up’ sites is of course their ease in pinpointing exactly how far away a potential mate is. Literally. These apps are guided by a GPS. You’re after a no strings attached one night stand? No problem, so is Joey K and the good news is that he’s only 300 metres away.
I saw this first hand tonight having a drink with a single male friend. He was, as usual, tethered to his iPhone like it was some kind of life saving device. I asked him what had him so captivated. He showed me a picture of a lovely looking girl. He was deciding whether to accept or reject her.
His very future could depend on which way he went with this as I so helpfully pointed out. To which he scoffed, only to tell me that there were at least fifty more lined up, right behind her. So much for fate and serendipity.
- General online dating sites are a minefield at the best of times. If you can get past the game playing, the manipulation and the often embellished photographic representation of a potential mate, there is also the flat out and often undeserved rejection to contend with.
Trying to find your “soul mate” in the virtual world is confusing. Often it’s not even what you say in your online profile but what you don’t say that prevents a potential mate from contacting you. Perhaps that means that a website where you can be upfront about wanting something serious, is going to be a Giant Leap Forward?
In this brave new world we find ourselves in of online dating, is instant gratification really going to be more important than finding the “one”? Or does this simply mean that we are now in the position to tailor our exact needs and wants without fear of judgement?
Have you ever used an online dating website? Are you single with kids? Do you find meeting new people can be difficult?