Jacqui with the bride
By JACQUI VAN AANHOLT
I will premise this story with an admission… Yes, I am competitive and yes I want to get married one day.
I’ve had my fair share of weddings over the past year and due to the frequency of said events, I have made a sport of beating out packs of single ladies to catch the bouquet.
As I said, I want to get engaged and married soon however I am wondering if my success rate is beginning to upset people, make me look a tad desperate and put undue pressure on the love of my life.
The first catch, at my brother’s wedding nearly 12 months ago, saw me beat the only other person truly up for the challenge – my new sister-in-law’s grandmother – who is in her 80′s. Let’s face it, if she truly wanted to be married, she would have entered the bouquet-catching tournament a whole lot earlier.
My rather athletic leap may or may not have also seen my sister-in-law’s three-year-old niece accidentally fall to the floor – she did that on her own, promise.
The next time round was also a bit of a joke, competition-wise.
I rugby tackled a close friend mid-air (it would have made the Wallabies proud) and tried to steal the thing.
We ultimately agreed to split the squished bunch of beautiful white orchids.
Later in the night, we split it again and four of us – all waiting for proposals and keen for them to be soon – wandered around with the now wilting flowers, giving me hope I’m not the only one out there in this dilemma… surely?
The toss
The most recent “classic catch” was just that and came at one of my best friend’s weddings. ‘Single Ladies’ blared from the speakers, the lights went dim and the bar was set as my vertically-challenged friend dragged a chair onto the floor, seeking the best bouquet-grabbing vantage point.
Then, something came over me – the devil on my shoulder said…’Third time lucky’… and it was on!
The time of the toss came and I’m ashamed to admit some playful shoulder nudging… okay charging… ensued.
As though in slow motion, the flowers hit the air, eyes blinded by the light, and even before I think I knew what was really happening I was a streak of yellow shooting through the air.
Arms outstretched, I’d decided it was mine.
Although slightly out of reach, I extended a little further forward and with the flick of my middle finger, I pushed the ascending bunch safely into a position I could clasp tightly with my right hand. There was no knock on, no forward pass.
The video (yes, there’s a video) then shows me walking over to my partner and him shaking his head, with a giant smile on his face.
While he’s no doubt proud of my finesse, I feel he may be tiring of the joke.
With two more weddings coming up in so many weeks, I am honestly thinking of putting myself on the bench and letting the other girls fight it out. I worry that the fun I’m having is being misinterpreted; that people may think I am desperate and crazy.
Jacqui’s boyfriend reacts to the catch
My biggest worry though, is he’s feeling enough pressure from everyone else to pop the question and I shouldn’t be adding to it by what could be perceived as ‘over achieving’ at an activity that forces the issue and results in people badgering him even more relentlessly.
Of course my success rate is, in part, to encourage him.
If he likes it, then he should “put a ring on it” but to be honest, it doesn’t actually worry me when the tradition of being the “next to marry” actually kicks in for him.
I know how lucky I was to find him and how lucky I am to wake up next to him every day, and I know the day he does ask will be the day he’s ready, and it will be our kind of perfect.
Maybe he’s lucky the tradition has moved on from the 14th Century European idea, where brides and all they touched were lucky.
I think he’d be less impressed if I physically chased down the brides – aka our friends – all the while tearing at their dresses, hoping to take home a good luck charm, no matter how tattered.But maybe I would be less interested in that too…
When the time’s time is right I’d like a whole wedding dress, not just a piece of one.
Jacqui is a young news journo working in regional NSW, in her spare time she juggles a gorgeous eight-year-old son, her strapping tradie bloke and the challenges that come with “having it all” at a young age. You can find her @JvanAanholt on Twitter.
Have you ever caught a bouquet? Have you ever tried? Do you think it’s a fun tradition or is it old-fashioned an insulting?
Comments
62 Comments so far
I was previously a very competitive bouquet catcher. Once married, I was sad to be out of the thrill of it, so at one wedding I eagerly pushed one of my single friends into the throng, so that she nearly fell over. She did, however, catch it, so it was worth it. Unfortunately there is still photo evidence of the moment.
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I’m not a fan of the bouquet toss – a bunch of women in high heels jumping is asking for injury! But I kept it for my wedding (I refused to use Single Ladies by Beyonce as the song because everyone seems to use it – I had Girls Just Wanna Have Fun instead)
A few friends had been recently married in the past year and I decided there was no way they were missing out after making me jump at their weddings. So I called all the married women up afterwards and threw a bag of lollies – chico babies – and once caught said that she would have the next baby
All done a joke though. Had comments that it was original, hadn’t seen/heard it done before.
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I just like the flowers. Im usually trying to stuff a table centre peice into a taxi at the end of the night as-well. I’m sure my partner gets a few elbows from the men.
Flowers are pretty! why not enjoy them. Sure I’ll Jump. lol.
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I can relate to this! You get to a certain age and a certain amount of time into your relationship when people start asking you when you’re going to get married. It’s kind of funny at first but after a while it just gets old. And the thing that baffled me most was why people always asked me and not my partner. What am I supposed to say? And like you said, I wanted to get married, but I didn’t want to be one of those girls who so desperately wants to get married, it’s her life goal. So with all that in mind, lining up to catch the bouquet does make you feel a little self conscious.
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I caught the bouquet once and met my husband-to-be shortly after. The girl who caught my bouquet got engaged while we were on our honeymoon (it was the 3rd she’d caught in as many months, her boyfriend took the hint).
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I truly dislike most wedding traditions… the bouquet, the garter, the awkward first dance, the dance with your father, being given away by your father, the weird cake cutting, the boring speeches… I really do find it all very tedious.
In the past I have participated… grudgingly.. with the odd eye roll and sarcastic joke…. however Renae’s comment below about it not being about ‘me’ actually made me realise how selfish I have been in the past! So true… I actually feel a bit ashamed…
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Pulling my best hockey goalie move I “hip checked” the other bridesmaid out of the way at our bestie’s wedding…. ok it was 21 years ago and I had a disastrous 15 year marriage and the other bridesmaid didn’t marry but I can’t blame that on a bunch of flowers. It is a fun tradition for weddings that are that bit traditional.
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My engaged sister-in-law caught mine, then called off her wedding 6 months later! When she finally did marry someone else (10 years later), there was no bouquet-throwing.
Lesson learnt…
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When I got married my other friends were all either married as well, in committed relationships, gay, or would rather gauge out their eyes than do this. I was a bit over the tradition myself. I gave my bouquet to my father, and he put them on my mother’s grave for me. When my bridesmaids heard what I was planning, they gave my father their flowers, too. Some months later I went to Mum’s grave, and found the ribbon they’d been bound with, and took it home.
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I gave my bouquet to my lovely mum – just quietly at the end of the night, just the two of us. I never liked being on the floor of single girls and didn’t want to put friends and family through it!
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When I got married my “tossing bouquet” was lindt chocolates tied up in cellophane to make flowers. I’ve never seen such enthusiastic jumping!
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I hid at the back of the “pack” at my cousins’ wedding last year. Now way do I ever want to get married!
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Opportunity for what? You’re catching a bunch of flowers. It’s not going to create the opportunity for anything at all.
Anyway, I loathe this tradition. I hide and if I can’t, I stand way towards the back of the group and do not even attempt to catch it. It’s humiliating and I have no idea why brides still make their single guests go through it.
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I don’t care for the catch myself because let’s face it catching a bouquet of flowers isn’t magically going to make a man propose – but I am WAAAAY sick of Beyonce’s song during the silly tradition *rolls eyes*
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Never caught one, didn’t throw it. It’s always struck me as a bit desperate.
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My friends were married on the Amalfi Coast last year in a very small wedding. Myself and one other bridesmaid, two groomsmen and no other guests.
After the dinner we went to a nice restaurant with live music for dessert. It was a beautiful day but my friend did mention that she’d wished it had something a bit more ‘wedding-y’ to it. So we got all the people in the restaurant onto the dancefloor for a bouquet toss. It was hilarious watching these old Italian men and little girls and everyone in between going for the bouquet. It was also a lovely touch to the day and made for some brilliant photos.
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That’s an awesome story. I only like the idea of a bouquet toss in this situation!!
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That is my idea of the perfect wedding! Sounds BEAUTIFUL!
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it’s fun so long as those who have zero interest in the whole bouquet thing are just left in peace. 20 something years ago a friend of mine in Scotland gave her beautiful flowers to her new husband’s mother, which was nicer I thought. I have to be honest, I find the idea of you presenting your partner with these bouquets one after the other really cringe worthy. If he wants to ask, he will, and yes, just my opinion but it really does look kind of desperate. You’ve made it abundantly clear you want to get married, if he doesn’t ask within whatever time frame you have chosen, ask him. If he says no, time to either move on, or accept that you might never be married. In my experience, men are pretty un-subtle and if they want something will ensure that it happens. Sorry to be so serious, but it seemed to me you were asking quite a serious question underneath all the fluff.
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I went to a wedding once, where all the single “ladies” waiting to catch the bouquet looked like they hadn’t even started their period yet.
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Haha
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Haha I ran away from one at one wedding and as a joke literally climbed over the top of my sister at another. Totally dont want to be proposed to but im too competitive
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Agreed! I‘m in a long term relationship and we don’t plan on getting married but I enjoy the activity of catching the bouquet because I like to win (note – never have been successful in catching the bouquet, maybe it’s a ‘sign’ since I don’t plan to get married haha)
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I find it a loathsome tradition. A humourless comment, I know.
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Not a big fan either and didn’t throw mine, but just wondering why you find it so loathsome?
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I don’t like the idea of tossing the bouquet, and at my wedding, I loved my flowers so much there was no way I was tossing them into a crowd. I think my sister ending up taking them back to mum’s place.
I’ve been to plenty of weddings where I was pushed into the group of ‘single’ ladies, even though I was engaged or with my partner, and it was embarrassing having everyone watch and laugh.
I also didn’t do the garter thing – I’d seen my brother have to remove the garter from my cousin’s wife at their wedding and he went bright red – and he’s not someone who embarrasses easily or is shy. Plus, there was no way I was letting any guy apart from my husband get that close.
I also didn’t carry a horseshoe, which disappointed my mother-in-law. She couldn’t believe what a non-traditional bride I was (I really wasn’t, I think her expectations were just old-fashioned).
On the ‘tradition’ of having a veil, I didn’t have one either, because it didn’t suit my dress, or the setting (outdoor wedding on an equestrian estate), and I just knew it wasn’t for me anyway.
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I caught one by accident after i had tried to hide in the toilets the groom’s mum dragged me out. I got the filthiest looks from the other girls as i had tried to “tap it back into play” but it was too long and i couldn’t do it. The second one was even more hilarious, my younger sister’s wedding she threw the bouquet my baby sister and i were on the dance floor when the flowers fell at our feet. We both looked at them and then at each other trying to decide what to do. My baby sister is sooooooo not interested in this stuff and finds most girly things twee and a little pathetic (including me sometimes) she picked up the flowers and did the most outrageously funny version of pretending to be thrilled that she caught it. Fanning herself and squealing and retending to weep. I am so glad that there is video evidence of this. too funny
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This is one of the things I hated most about going to weddings as a single girl, as soon as the dreaded “Single Ladies” song starts, everyone would literally push me onto the dance floor despite me insisting that I don’t want to catch the bouquet. There is someting so cringe worthy about this tradition, I would always stand at the back, making sure those flowers don’t fall anywhere near me. I am getting married next month and am so glad I don’t have to do this again.
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I like the idea that if you do the bouquet toss to pull it apart so everyone can get a flower. I was once pushed up to take part, ended up standing at the back. When the flowers went up the girls were falling all over each other and as the only one standing they landed at my feet. At my sisters wedding I was the only single girl not in a relationship and chose to sit it out, I already had my bridesmaid flowers. My sisters best friend caught it, she didnt get married, sadly her relationship broke up months later.
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Firstly, the Wallabies wouldn’t be proud. Tackling a player in the air is a highly-dangerous and illegal play which could see you sent from the field and missing the next few tests.
Anyway… I have always thought that if ladies who were so desperate for their partners to propose to them, that they compete seriously in this humourous ritual, or hold expectations from its result, then why don’t they just propose themselves?
With the inevitable change the antique definition of marriage, not only are the actors changing but so should the roles, including that it’s the man’s responsibility “to put a ring on it”.
And while we’re on humourous rituals, what’s with the removing of the bride’s garter by the groom with his teeth for it to be tossed to the single “gentlemen.” No thank you.
Now, how do I get that song out of my head?
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I like the alternative suggestion for the bouquet that I have read about a few times, which is to present it to the longest married (or partnered) woman at the wedding. E.g. a great aunt, grandmother etc. Much better.
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I didn’t toss mine. It was just a bunch of sweet peas anyways, and because it was so round and spherical after the entrees I just gave it to my husbands young cousins, who were my flowergirls. They then proceeded to play dodgeball with it. Well, to throw it at each other as hard they could to see how many blooms they could dislodge.
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I was thrown at a bouquet about 12 months before I got married. Two friends blocked all the other guests, while a third friend picked me up and launched me at the bouquet-they had been planning it for weeks-I met the flowers mid air……long story short, I have now been married 14 years
It is a cute tradition, not to be taken too seriously.
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I don’t like being forced onto the floor because I’m “a single girl.” I find at weddings, a single girl translates to anyone who is not engaged or married. But I have a partner and have no intention of getting married so for me, that bothers me. The tradition of it I think it quite fun though. I do like watching the bouquet throw.
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I seriously dislike this tradition. I know it’s just supposed to be a bit of fun yet I can’t help but take issue with the idea of women competing for the ‘prize’ of being the next one married… I find it degrading and anti-feminist and always refuse to participate unless it will actually upset the bride if I don’t!
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Agree. We decided not to do the bouquet or the garter toss at our wedding earlier this year.
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Out of interest what is your feeling about the catching of the garter?
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I guess I just don’t like the idea of having my husband’s head up my skirt in front of a crowd trying to get it off with his teeth and then a bunch of men jumping around trying to win the “prize.”
Anonymoose, i think you and I both commented a while back that we are both pregnant and at the same stage – how are you going with your pregnancy?
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I purposefully made a complete arse of myself over a bouquet at a friend’s wedding.
The bride (and her sister) had cornered me before hand and told me that the bride was just going to flop the bouquet over her shoulder, so I should get close up, because she REALLY wanted me to catch it.
So all the girls are lined up about 2m away from the bride, and I’m standing right behind her… everyone thought I was an idiot, and I thought I was an idiot. (no one else knew that she’d told me before hand. they all just thought I was a marriage-crazy freak).
So why did I do it??
The bride was dying of cancer, and it was something she wanted me to do for her. I thought that was worthy of making an arse of myself over a stupid tradition.
I also used that stupid tradition at my own wedding to make a 14 year old girl feel special. She was the elder sister of my junior bridesmaid, and I knew she felt a bit left out, so I organised with some of the others for her to be the one to catch it (she didn’t know that I’d done that). It made HER feel special to catch the bouquet, even though there was no chance she was getting married for at least the next 4 years.
Sometimes, stupid traditions can be more about other people and their feelings than you and your feelings. For some people, their whole wedding is actually like that – more about trying to include those who mean a lot to you than having exactly what you want.
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My favourite part of all of this was when Jacqui emailed me yesterday to tell me she’d caught her FOURTH bouquet. Hilarious post
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There are actually A LOT of wedding traditions that are rather insulting and completely redundant these days. Wearing a veil – comes from the tradition of hiding the bride’s face in arranged marriage situations so that the groom can’t find out how ugly she might be a bolt before she gets to the end of the aisle; having your father walk you down the aisle to ‘give you away’ (does he own me? did not my mother also raise me? I’m getting married in a month’s time and both my parents are walking me down to aisle, thank you very much); tossing the bouquet to ‘give some other poor girl some luck’. Needless to say, none of these ‘traditions’ are making an appearance at my wedding next month!
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Thank you for giving me a reason to tell my boyfriend and his mother why I think wearing a veil is stupid. We’re not even engaged and both are very insistent I need a veil. Blah!
I am also really into the both parents thing. I love them both so much and would want to hold Mum’s hand too going into it.
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We avoided all of these when we got married also
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I’m with you Amanda. I’m not having a bouquet (I’m amazed how much they cost!), both parents are walking me down the aisle, no veil, no garter toss. We’re about 6 weeks away from the wedding and I haven’t ordered a cake, we haven’t written our vows…. although I love my husband-to-be desperately, I think I may be the most uninterested bride ever!
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Friend who caught mine got married a year later. Fun tradition.
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Oh dear, I think people are so uptight these days. Its a bit of fun! Never caught a bouquet but always tried!
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Jacqui – you crack me up – you show your true colours in this story – it is so funny!!!! Great writing and you keep on catching the bouquet.
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The worst, most hideous wedding tradition. It’s bad enough being one of the only single people at a wedding, conspicuously put on the “singles table” but to be paraded out as desperate to get married and humiliated in front of 100 or so people was always too much for me. I never participated. Ever.
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I was once the ONLY single girl at a wedding. I ignored the call to go up, but my “friend” called out “here’s one”. The bride (a friend of aformentioned friend, not me; I was her plus one as her husband was away) threw it pretty much straight at me. I let it land at my feet, stepped over it and headed to the bar. And stayed there.
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Quixotic, I could not love your story any more! Brilliant! I too avoid this humiliating tradition like the plague. The idea that you need to get married to have any worth as a woman is just so tacky and outdated.
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I’m not usually that big a fan of the catch-the-bouquet scenario – always seems a little bit desperate to me, and i’m not a huge fan of a tradition that implies that every single girl is, of course, gagging to get married (hmm. No.)
However, I did see a lovely twist on this tradition recently. At my gorgeous friend’s wedding, she secretly untied the bow of her bouquet before throwing it, so the flowers rained down on all the girls gathered and everyone got a flower. Not only was this a lovely thought (and completely reflective of her beautiful and inclusive nature), it resulted in one heck of a kickass photo!
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<3 that idea!
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I caught the bouquet at the last wedding I was at, actually without really trying. The other girls said oh, good for you, is your boyfriend here with you? When I said I didn’t have one they looked, I am not kidding, HORRIFIED. And these weren’t particularly sheltered or tradition bound girls, I’d have though the whole thing was a bit of fun until that moment.
That was nearly a month ago and I still don’t have a boyfriend, let alone a fiance, so maybe the magic doesn’t work.
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Ugh this tradition chills me to the bone. I’ve been with my partner for three years, I have no intention of getting married but without fail people try and push me up there to catch the damn bouquet. I don’t want to get married! Leave me alone!
Besides, what’s wrong with the bride keeping her bouquet? That’s what I’d do if I was going to be wed!
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I’m the same, I’ve been in a relationship for longer than most of the brides I’ve attended he weddings of. I have no net notion of getting married and we are very happy. I find it disrespectful and insensitive when people try to push me into going up. I have nothing against the bouquet throwing, but respect those who aren’t interested. Just for those thinking the bride should keep her flowers, she often does. Many brides get two made, one for aisle and a cheaper one to throw.
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I always thought the catch the bouquet tradition was really insulting and usually resulted in everyone else sitting around chuckling at all the ‘desperate’ single girls. When I was single, I always avoided participating in them. Got so annoyed at how girls would be pressured to get up there like of course everyone single girl is just dying to get hitched.
Yes even when they do the garter toss for the guys, it always seemed like there was a different tone – more like the guys tried to avoid the catch and everyone knew it wasnt a big deal whereas girls were made out to all be desperate for a husband. Uck. When I got married, I relished the opportunity to pick and choose the wedding traditions I liked or didnt like and we absolutely did NOT do a bouquet toss! (Dont mean to sound like a killjoy, i know some girls love it and consider it fun but I dont like every girl being pressured to partake or the mocking tone that often surrounds it).
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A friend of mine was manic about bouquet catching. She had it all worked out, where to position herself based on:
- height of the ceiling
- height and athleticism of the bride
- the crowd
- the bouquet shape and weight
Her shoes would be off, she would be raring to go. And she caught 7 in the two year period before she got engaged. I’m serious, she prepared like it was an olympic event. At her wedding she attempted to throw it to me but it got intercepted.
Another friend simply took her bouquet apart and gave everyone a flower because she didn’t like the tradition herself and had recently been at a wedding where it got thrown and no one even attempted to catch, it ended up on the floor.
Personally I hate the whole thing. After being the single girl for so long I’m sick of standing in that circle making a halfhearted attempt to catch some flowers. Now I’m with the perfect man, yes I would love to get engaged. But like the author, I know how lucky I’ve been to find such an amazing person, to get to wake up with him next to me each day and just be loved like this. So while I would love the whole wedding thing, for now, I’m happy just being loved.
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At my friend’s wedding earlier this year, the only major contender for the toss was the Bride’s 10 year old cousin. She was determined., and therefore won. I was later teased by my boyfriend and his friends for having such little “hussle” lol
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My one bridesmaid would not even allow me to toss the bouquet, she just grabbed it and held on tight.
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I feel like I’m missing out. I’ve been to so many weddings but never once has there been an enthusiastic bouquet toss. I didn’t have one at my wedding cos they’ve seemed to be such an anticlimax.
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Ahh the bouquet toss. I’m always rather keen not to look too desperate while doing it so my boyfriend doesn’t think I’m putting the pressure on, haha. I only go in them about half of the time, caught one earlier this year and took great delight in taking joke photos of it with my ‘crazy wannabe bride face’!
I have been in some bouqet tosses though where some girls have gotten a little bit too convinced by its meaning and thrown an elbow in an effort to be the next to wed. One in particular has gone down in infamy. Not cool!
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Great story, I really got a good giggle out of this one.
The whole Bouquet toss has never really been my cup of tea much to the delight of past partners. however when it came time for my wedding, I was asked and asked constantly to do the toss.
All my female friends were super keen to get amongst it and grab the revered wedding bouquet. So right at the end of the evening I finally succummed (I think alcohol had something to do with it) and decided to give it a go.
My bouquet was a very very heavy one made up of lotus blossums so it wasn’t the easiest of flowers to throw, however I heaved it as best I could over my shoulder and listened to the screams and thuds of girls falling to the ground as they tried to grab the prize.
When I turned around and saw the carnage there was one lone girl with the bouquet standing tall with a massive grin on her face and looking like the cat that got the cream. Then I spied another friend on the floor holding one lone bloom from the carnage with a very sad expression on her face asking if it counted that she had one bloom.
End of the story is I found it highly entertaining and a lot of fun in the end. I am a convert I loved it and would encourage all brides to do it and all single ladies to get amongst it.
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