So much is written about young people and alcohol, we are always quick to point our fingers at binge drinkers immediately assuming all young people that like to party like to drink. But it’s not true. Mamamia reader Sally* writes
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“‘I am a 21-year old student. I love music and concerts, socialising, books, movies, travel, summer, meeting new people, and learning. I am not religious in any capacity; I do not believe in God. I am confident and have many friends, and I love to go out with them and have a great time laughing and being young. But I’m often told there is a strange anomaly about me: I don’t drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, or take drugs. I have never done any of these things, and when I say never, I mean the most alcohol I have ever consumed would be the % within cough medicine.
People have often told me I am ‘so strong’ to ‘resist’ the peer pressure, particularly as a teenager. I could never respond to this quite on par because quite honestly, I have never felt pressure, although that’s not to say people haven’t tried to get me starting drinking, and I don’t think that will ever end. Although I am happy with who I am and am socially confident, I am starting to feel more and more alienated and lonely and even ‘weird’ because I don’t drink.
I don’t drink because I have no desire to. It’s as simple as that. But people never seem to accept this, even fellow non-drinkers, because our reasons differ. I am not a Christian, but this is a fairly automatic response when I tell someone I don’t. They conclude I must be. I understand the assumption. This goes hand in hand with people guessing I have had a traumatic experience from alcohol myself either in drinking, or from family. I am very fortunate to not have had this at all. I equally understand this assumption. What I don’t understand is why people can’t/don’t seem to be able to accept that I simply don’t want to?
Don’t get me wrong. I have no problem with people who drink: all my friends do, my boyfriend does, etc etc, and you will never hear me mentioning I don’t drink unless asked and/or it’s relevant. I don’t preach. I don’t get on a soapbox and cry the evils of alcohol. I am not into alcohol-bashing.
I am just basically at a point where I am desperate to see/hear if there are other people my age who don’t drink, or people who didn’t drink at my age, and not for religious religions etc, but because they just never wanted to? It seems silly to suggest there aren’t, but I’ve honestly never come across people who are young, into popular music, books, etc, who are quite social and enjoy going out, and who don’t drink.
I am beginning to feel like a weirdo and I am seeking to hear from people who don’t drink, to find out why, and to hear your experiences.”
Comments
225 Comments so far
I’m a 23 male, I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs or dance. I’m not religious, don’t believe in God, and I’m a virgin.
I receive the exactly kind of pressure. People around me just don’t accept it.
I got to say .. I’m surprised about you. I honestly started to think I was the only one
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Hi. I’ve been doing some google searches trying to find an article, or people’s opinions about not liking alcohol, because lately I’ve had a bad experience with peer pressure. I am almost 19 and in this country, 18 is the legal age. I am religious but that is certainly not the reason why I don’t drink. I just don’t like the taste. I am also very afraid and weary of what alcohol will do to my cognitive reasoning and my behaviour/emotional/mental status. I am a pianist and always copped a lot of negativity from peers during highschool for not enjoying the pop culture scene, but I never cared what they thought. But the alcohol peer pressure I’m receiving from old high school friends is hurting me now. They know my values, yet they don’t respect them. I am also on medication, but if I wasn’t I still wouldn’t drink alcohol. I don’t smoke nor take drugs. I am constantly baffled why people are so emotionally invested in my lack of desire to drink! It gets extremely lonely.
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I have felt much of the same way as teen and to the present,Im 21 now and have absolutely no desire to drink or get messed up on drugs. I had a bunch of buddies in high school and I lost many friendships over alocohol. Its kinda immature and stupid if you ask me. I need those things to make me happy. Im a die hard hunter and I would much rather get up at 4 in the morning to get in my duck blind before daylight as to get so messed up the night before that I dont even hear the alarm go off. Dont feel left out, Ive felt left out for a long time but I have come to relize that those who dont give in relize who they reallly are, and those who do, well reality hits them in the face like a ten pound brick eventually.
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Hi Sally, I drink socially and I have friends who don’t drink or have one drink. I’ve never seen it as weird or an issue for a young person not to want to drink when we go to bars or parties.
I want my friends to be comfortable and dislike when others try to pressure them into drinking. I just think those people are being silly and see it as a challenge. But reading all these comments I wonder if maybe some people aren’t familiar with people who don’t drink.
I grew up with parents that weren’t big drinkers. My dad didn’t drink except maybe a whisky at Christmas or half a can of beer at our yearly BBQ. My mum the “bigger” drinker, would have a glass of half wine and half soda water every night.
I think not drinking is definitely not weird. And I think people who think it is just need to open there minds more; maybe read some more books to expand there view of the world lol.
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I’m 23, I don’t smoke, drink, do drugs and never have. I’m not religious, I don’t care if people get drunk (although I’m uncomfortable being around men who are completely wasted).
I just don’t have any reason TO drink, and I always find weird that people ask why I don’t drink, like drinking was the default mode and I needed a very good reason NOT TO engage in the same behavior. Except in certain situations (for example I would never drink with strangers/people I don’t really know well, just for safety reasons), it’s not even that I strongly oppose to having a drink, it’s more like… “Meh. Not tempted”. And I don’t see why I should push it.
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i am in the same boat as you, everyone i know does drugs, smokes and drinks…and i um like to hike, bike, scuba dive etc. Im a huge people person and very social, can start up a condo with anyone..but lately i have been feeling pressure to smoke and drink because all my friends do. People say its so crazy i don’t smoke or do drugs, but what the fuck?…it crazy that they do? I just don’t like the feeling of not being sober. But now I’m having trouble finding a boyfriend because I’m so damn picky, and they can NOT smoke or do drugs, seems like everyone does. Haven’t met one gave who doesn’t…
I too am NOT religious at all, i just simply don’t like the feeling of being fucked up all the time. Unlike you i have tried it before, not a fan. But have never experienced with drugs (never will). I have received enormous amount of pressure from people to do it, and there was sadly a time where i caved in but luckily woke up and realized this is not me? what am i doing? and never did it again. I totally get you though, going through the same things…even as we speak I’m texting a guy i could of potentially been interested in but he’s done coke and used to “kinda” smoke…whatever the hell thats supposed to mean? So its safe to say that potential relationship is not going to go anywhere.
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I’m all of this and more. a trifecta. I don’t drink or smoke and I am a little hefty. Doesn’t matter if they kinda smoke, as soon as they see I am kinda fat, I get the cold shoulder from them (again and again). right about now I would settle for a guy with a … oh never mind, they wouldn’t settle for me.
… and what’s my favourite biscuit? all of them.
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Hi Sally,
I’m 20 right now, and I often read up about peoples experiences to not drinking. I’ve personally found it really hard, people have not been very understanding about my choice. And being at uni has made it even harder, because the pressure to fit in by doing it is huge. I have tried it, so no one can say “how would you know if you’ve never tried it?”. I just don’t like it, its that simple. Just as simple as the fact that I don’t like carrots. I am just like many of you guys, I have no problems with people who drink, and yet I’m still circled out for being the only non-drinker. I just get upset sometimes at the lack of mutual acceptance.
I have a couple of friends who truly accept me for being a non-drinker, but I still feel very alone at uni, especially when most of the activities revolve around alcohol.
It reassures me that there are still people my age out there who are just like me, I just hope I meet more people like this in future.
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I don’t drink/do drugs/smoke either! I’ve never felt the need to? But although for me, it’s a little bit of a health thing… I do enjoy partys though and every social event
It’s just I do them sobre.
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YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I am also 21, an atheist and close to a non drinker. I rarely drink and people often ask why, because i really have no desire to, it just isn’t a part of my life. I have been in peer pressure situations where people were questioning and mocking my lack of drinking, the whole time all i could think was ‘it says a lot more about you than it does me that you have such an issue with my non-drinking’. Not to mention i heard a guy boasting in a lecture the other day that he has spent $1500 on alcohol in the last 3 months!!!
The last thing I spent that much money on was my plane ticket to Europe this December, and frankly i know where i’d rather have the cash and my life experiences!
You’re not a freak, and you’re not alone. Remember catching up over a latte is just as enjoyable as one with a beer. Thanks for bringing this to my attention xxx.
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Hello, I’m in the same boat you are. I’m 21 and I hate alcohol/drugs/patying etc. My husband and I both don’t drink. I don’t have any friends because everyone my age drinks and its really hard to find people who don’t, especially because we live on a military base currently so it’s even harder to meet people in general. I made a decision not to drink a few years ago. I drank a few times when I was younger (like 15) but now I can not stand it or to be in contact with those who do or around when people do. First of all I don’t understand it. It makes you talk stupid, act stupid, look stupid, make bad choices and have an ‘excuse for it later’, hurt yourself, poison yourself, change your personality, and feel like crap the next day. I don’t like being around people drinking either because you do not know exactly what they are going to do / capable of while intoxicated. It also to me has to do with my own moral code and self respect. I don’t want to poison myself, look stupid, act like an idiot, degrade myself, make bad decisions, and feel like crap the next day. It has a little to do with religion for me as well, I’m a Scientologist.
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you aren’t in the same boat at all, you just “alcohol bashed!”
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i’m 24 and neither a religious nut or an anti drug/alcohol freak, yet i have never touched a drug, smoked a cigarette, and rarely drink and can safely say that i’ve never been drunk. Why am i like this? in my early teens i decided to put my money in the bank rather than waste it on cigarettes. I also decided i’d like to keep all my brain cells and not kill them off by using drugs. and why do i rarely drink and how can i say i’ve never been drunk? I may have a glass of wine or two, but by that time i don’t feel like drinking any more as i don’t wish to pass out in oblivion (plus wine makes me sleepy lol) and yet somehow i still socialise just fine, have a great varied circle of friends from all walks of life, some who’s lifestyle choices are very different from mine, yet we still respect each other’s right’s to make our own choices
Plus i’m lucky enough to have stumbled along a wonderful man who shares my opinions on the above topics!
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I understand your point of view completely, I myself drink but my ex bf was not into drinking at all as he simply didnt enjoy it. (he was 26) every single time we would go out people (friends, randoms whoever) would always try to encourage him to drink. and ‘peer pressure’ him. It got so annoying to me to hear them everytime i would end up telling them to shut up! People seem to find it challenging to accept people who arent conforming to drinking…what does it matter to them if someone doesnt drink?! Honestly not everyone wants or needs alcohol i wish people would get over it!
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I am 27 and and when I was 21 I got drunk , smoked and tried drugs because I went to an acting school and that’s what they did. And it isn’t like me to go with the crowed and I hated it. Too be honest I never liked clubbing , alcohol , smoking , drugs etc. Now I have nights in and like having dinner with friends. Call me boring if you want , I don’t care. If getting drunk on the weekend is all someone does , they are sad.
Stick to it girl !
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sorry but i think thats really weird…..
i first got drunk at 13 first took drugs at 15…. and i started quite late compared to other people at my school (it was private all girls Catholic as well)
not saying that starting early is good, but arent you at least curious????
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Is that something to be proud of ? I don’t think she is weird at all
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I drink very occasionally, never smoke and never take drugs. Lots of people I know don’t like it and don’t understand it, and wish I would ‘lighten up’.
I am a Christian, but my other reasons about drinking/smoking/drugs have just as much to do with it. For a start, I’m terrified of the prospect of not having control over myself. Furthermore, my best friend had a mystery illness almost two years ago, and as a result, suffered two heart attacks and multi-organ shutdown. She’s now paralysed and suffers locked-in syndrome – she has, as far as we can tell, one hundred percent awareness of her environment – who she is, what happened to her – but she can’t communicate. The best thing that I can do for her, in my mind, is to live the best life I can live, and for me, its not gambling with my health and wasting my precious time being plastered. I’m so glad there’s more than one of me!
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I’m the same, I’ve had a few drinks a couple of times when i first turned 18, but i’m 20 now and i haven’t touched alcohol since, simply because i don’t particularly enjoy it. Every time I go out with friends i get asked how come I’m not drinking and the looks of disbelief I get when i say I just don’t want to – they assume I’m driving, or still recovering from a binge :/
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I am 20, almost 21 and in the same position as you. While i spent 13 years in a catholic school, i came out not being religious. I have never done drugs, smoked and only ever had a small amount of alcohol. I love punk rock concerts, reading, chilling with friends. All of my friends drink and they do sometimes pressure me into drinking. However I am ususally their transport which means i can’t drink anyway. But i do agree that just because you say that you don’t want to drink, people think there is something wrong with you. I don’t mind alcohol, but i prefer soft drinks? So what?
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There’s nothing wrong with not drinking/taking drugs/smoking at all! just tell them that you want to live past 40 without getting a major operation done and that organ transplants aren’t on your To Do List and hopefully that will shut them up. Stick up for yourself, girlfriend, because its gonna be worth it in the long term!
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I think it’s a bit far fetched to say that my drinking on occasions is going to lead to “a major operation” one day.
I drink on the weekends generally no more than 2-4 standard drinks and I might go out for a “big one” (home by about midnight) once every few months.
I think one of the great things Sally* has said here is that she’s got no problem with others drinking and would never “preach” her ways.
No issues with anyone’s choice to drink or not to drink (so long as there are no affects on others) but I don’t think that I should be put down for enjoying a couple here and there.
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G’day Sally,
Great to hear you don’t drink. I’m now 70 and last New Years Day I celebrated 40 years on the wagon ! My work has been as a musician and a seaplane pilot, with the latter needing an always clear head. Giving up the booze was THE BEST THING I’VE EVER DONE for myself, and quitting smoking soon after was also great.
I encourage you to continue staying ” clean ” – that way YOU are always in control, and control is of MEGA importance. As an extra bonus being teetotal is highly regarded by potential employers.
Cheers
Harry
http://turbochargedinvestments.com/
http://learninggrandpianos.com/
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Hi Sally!!
I know exactly how you feel. I’m seventeen live in Ireland and all my friends have been drinking since theyre around twelve or thirteen. As they were underage we met in fields for binging sessions I was the only one not drinking and I failed to see the fun in spending my Saturday night in a cold, wet field hiding everytime the police came sweeping for underage drinkers.!!! So I stopped going out when they were drinking. I went from being the most popular girl in school to being one of the freaks all because i didn’t drink. As they got older they started going to bars and clubs and I went out again with them but still had to listen to the comments ” why arn’t you drinking? blah blah blah..” but my social life started improving again until i realised that I was the one who was stuck looking after the really drunk people and everyone else didn’t bother. Once when I left went home early and my friend got picked up by the police, I got the blame for it. After this I stopped going out regularly and I never really get invited to parties and stuff anymore. I have definietly lost friends due to the fact that i don’t drink. It’s really nice to read about other young people who don’t drink, smoke or do drugs..
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Hi Sally,
I’m 19 never done drugs, smoked and I drink maybe once a year at a social gathering and not to get drunk.
My boyfriend is 21 has never smoked, never done drugs and hardly ever drinks. He recently went for an interview with the Northern Territory Police and felt he was ridiculed and felt they thought he was lying because he told them he’s never done drugs, smoked or doesn’t drink often.
The fact that he felt to get into the police he needed to have had a background of drugs, smoking, drinking and violence and they didn’t believe him when he said he didn’t do these things is horrible.
There are young people who don’t get involved with this stuff, a lot of people never believe or understand why.
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Hi Sally,
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m 21 too and I must say that I’m the complete opposite of you! I believe there is nothing better than cocktails, a great bottle of wine or a g+t in the sun. However, I don’t smoke or take drugs so I guess its all about personal boundaries.
I have to ask though – do you find it isolating? I find that I don’t socialise with anyone who doesn’t drink because it kind of makes me feel guilty for ordering a second glass of red. “Water finds its own level” as the saying goes – maybe you’d feel more at ease socialising with people who don’t drink?
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Not the OP, obviously, but another non-drinker. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I found it incredibly isolating. I grew up in rural Queensland and copped a lot of crap for not drinking up to getting my drink spiked at a party. The kids who didn’t drink for religious reasons were treated just fine, but I was just confusing. By the time I was in Year 11 I had just stopped going to parties full stop because the whole point was drinking until to you were paralytic. I didn’t really have any friends by the end of high school.
Uni was better, though. Moved to Brisbane and met people who drink and get tipsy and have fun, but don’t get messily scarily drunk. Or, if they do want to get messily, scarily drunk, warn me that that is the plan and promise we can do something else next time. Everyone wins.
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there’s no need to not socialise just because you’re a non drinker. Should you really be so concerned if your friends glass just has coke or a shot of vodka in it as well? I think the concern comes from people
a) making assumptions about non drinkers (them not drinking doesn’t have anything to do with you) and
b) the fact that for a lot of people its not about going out and having A glass of champagne, its about drinking the whole bottle. I’m 21 too and find there isn’t much moderation, it seems for a lot of people its all or nothing.
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I was the same, in fact I think I had my first drink at Christmas at about 21. I am a Christian but don’t necessarily believe in teetotaling. I, like you, simply had no desire to. Then I tried a Bailey’s because it was a milky drink and thought it might taste nice. I drink now but only 1 or 2 a night and usually only on a Friday or Saturday night and not even every week. It’s very erratic – same with my coffee and tea consumption. It just doesn’t really cross my mind much.
But as for cigarettes and drugs, even before I was a Christian I never once had the desire to do either and still, regardless of my religious convictions, I wouldn’t either. They don’t interest me at all. Smoking disgusts me actually. It totally stinks. Why would you want your clothes and breath to smell like that?
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I say good on you for not wanting/needing/having a desire to drink. I was the complete opposite and drank too much. If I could go back in time knowing what I know now, knowing what I got up to or was involved in (which I can honestly say I would not have if sober) I would not drink and not had been given such a bed reputaion (for being an uncontrollable drunk among other things) so young. I am lucky enough to live in a totally other state now to the one I grew up in and I love that everyone here only knows the grown up me. I still can’t hold my alcohol very well. I need to have my husband with me to help keep me in line if I have a few too many as I have no inhibitions or it seems morals at all when drinking. Yes I am ashamed of this. I don’t need to drink, and I can go months and months without touching a drop, including 3 pregnancys. My father is an alcoholic and has ruined his relationship with our family because of this so I am pleased to say I am not addicted. Although I would love it if I could control my self a bit better.
I decided not to go anonymous on this because getting drunk was my decision to make and I know the consequenses of my actions do not stop my desire to drink so really why should I hide?
On another note, I do not blame my parents so to speak as it was always my decision but alcohol was always free flowing in our house growing up, my parents even owned a bar and bottle shop so there was never any lack of variety to choose from. because of this I had purchased my own alcohol by around 13 years of age (by simply just putting the sale through the register myself.) I was even encouraged to try wine from the age of 8, it was always red wine and to this day I still can’t stomach red wine. With three young children my self I am going to educate them on the dangers of alcohol and teenage drinking and hope that I can help them make informed decisions on drugs and alcohol.
So please do not feel wierd or out of place for not drinking. You are making a very wise and healthy decision by not filling your body with toxins and preservitives. You are not only making your own choice for you but hopefully your choice not to drink will be observed and aknowledged by others as a choice they can make too.
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I’m almost 25 and I don’t drink, smoke or take drugs either. I know exactly how you feel on this. I didn’t when I was 21 or even 18. I’m just not into it. But I often feel isolated and ‘weird’ when I am at a party and the only one not drinking, simply because other people can’t leave the subject alone. Which is one of the reasons I don’t go to them that much anymore.
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I’m 21 and I don’t drink or do drugs or whatever either! It’s so nice to find similar people out there, all my friends drink. Most are fairly understanding when I say I don’t want to drink, but a few of them always question it when I say I’m not drinking, and ask why, and keep asking why when I don’t give a valid reason. So when I go out where everyone will be drinking (which is rare, because I tend to get anxious at social events, one of the reasons why I don’t like drinking) I drive, because at least being a responsible driver is a valid reason in their eyes.
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I am the same. I am 19 and I don’t drink. I have nothing against alcohol. All my friends drink, all of my family drink, it just doesn’t appeal to me. I do have a health condition which I use as an excuse for not drinking when people seem unable to understand, but the truth is it’s just never really interested me.
I have been asked whether I’ve had a bad experience under the influence of alcohol or if I’m religious, and this wears a bit thin after a while. The thing that I find so strange is that a lot of people seem to think you’ve made this enormous sacrifice when the truth is, I really don’t feel I’m missing anything.
And for the record, I don’t smoke or take drugs either…:)
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I’m the same!
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im also 20. i dont drink, dont smoke & definitely dont do drugs. i have no interest in drinking – ive only ever had tiny little bits before – never been drunk & probably only been tipsy once.
however there have been many times where ive felt quite pressured. many of the parties i go to, nobody understands why im not drinking. theyre pretty much incredulous.
i just dont understand why it bothers them so much tho! its not them its me. i can have an awesome time, dance crazy & just have overall fun without drink in my body, so why do it??
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Sally, I am 23 and have never smoked a cigarette, done drugs and ive gotten drunk about 3 times.
I know what you mean about feeling like a weirdo, I constantly get asked “why dont you drink? is your liver screwed?” as if sitting without a glass in my hand is a sacrifice. I also dont get invited to many social get togethers as people asume I dont enjoy them because I dont drink. It sucks. I dont do it for religious reasons, or health reasons. I personally have no desire for substances, It never crosses my mind and I never crave it.
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I find that I still get invited to bigger things, but I guess like “Hey come over to my place tonight and drink” or “We’re going to check out a new bar”. I dont get invited to those things. I never really thought about it, but it would be because I dont drink. I just figured I didnt score an invite. It happens. I forget that I’m the outcast!
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I’m 25 and don’t drink.
I have in the past, but never huge amounts, i just dont see the point really.
I see everyone so drunk and making fools of themselves whilst im out enjoying my time and dont wake up with regrets in the morning.
Its strange that society finds it so outlandish that some people just dont want to drink. But i guess its just another impact of the media making it “cool” to drink.
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I am also 25. Dont drink, smoke and do drugs. I have pride within myself, knowing I have never ever done or will do any drugs of any kid.
Used to drink, about 8 or so years ago. Never a big drinker though.
I LOVE this post. Its not something to be ashamed off. Real friends will never judge, they made try and coax you into have a wine with them but they will never judge.
I often tell people that I enjoy getting up the next day not feeling like death and actually enjoying my weekend, knowing I havent spent loads of money the night prior.
Its also nice to know, by not drinking and spending that cash it helped my buy my house!
Thanks for a great topic, I am loving this newly found blog.
Have a great day! xxox
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I didn’t drink as a young adult either. I am 35 now and still have never tried tobacco, or any illicit drug except for marijuana (around five times over 12 years). I do have the occasional drink now, but am usually not interested in more than one standard drink. If I never drink alcohol again, I don’t think I would miss it.
Initially I just didn’t enjoy the taste of alcohol; but I was against smoking and drugs. These days I am more tolerant to drug-taking (in moderation) in others, and have learnt to appreciate a the subtleties of wine and beer (not spirits). I choose to associate mostly with non-drinkers because it’s just easier. I also know that I physically don’t tolerate alcohol very well, which is part of the reason why I don’t drink very much or very often.
Sally: you’re neither alone nor a freak.
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Hi Sally,
I have never drunk anything. I’m 36! I just say no. If they press me, I say I don’t like it. And I don’t.
Other secondary reasons include seeing people’s lives destroyed by alcohol.
I’m still offered now, and I just say no. I’ve been saying no for so long I don’t even feel the need to explain why anymore.
Be true to your convictions. You can have fun without alcohol. I even think it’s better fun.
But then again, I wouldn’t know.
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Hi Sally!!! I am now 27 and like you I never drink. When I was younger I’d have a sip to try it but quickly found I didn’t like the flavor or the feeling that came over me. Maybe it’s cause I’m a control freak and hate the idea of not controlling my choices.
I know what you mean about feeling alone and pressured. I’ve been there!!!! I guess with age I’ve become more confident and comfortable within my self.
Keep being who you are Sally and remember something my mum always said to me “what’s right for you is not always popular and what’s popular is not always right for you!!!!”
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I know exactly what you’re going through. I am a 23 year old teetotaller. I have nothing against drinking, though drunks do not make for great company, but it’s just not something I enjoy doing.
I grew up in regional Australia where everyone drank and drank a lot, so I copped a lot of crap for it. I’ve had people spike my drink with vodka just to see how I’d cope. It was definitely not fun times. Things are better now, though. Moving to Brisbane for university was the best thing in the world for me. I made friends who drank, but not just to get drunk, and my life was made much easier.
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Hi, Sally. I am twenty years old, and – as shocking as it might seem – your story is practically identical to mine. Except I don’t feel like a weirdo. I’m perfectly happy with my decisions, and I’ve found I get more respect than confusion when I tell people. Stay true to yourself. I’m sorry I can’t offer anything more beyond what sounds like a Tony Robbins tape, but I mean it – be yourself. After all, being weird is the coolest thing you could possibly be.
See you at a rock gig. I’ll be the one in black.
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I am twenty three.
And have never been a big drinker.
In fact, I really only started “drinking” at 22.
And even now, I only have a few glasses with dinner in my own home.
And I dislike the taste of almost all alcohol. I do enjoy sparkling wines and champagne, or vodka with a fruit mixer.
I cannot drink while I am out, or at a friends house, I am way too socially awkward to not be on 100% focused on what is happening around me.
I suffer from bad anxiety so I need to be in control when I go out. I avoid the club scene at all costs.
People always assume I have had a problem, or am secretly drinking, because I am obviously not a devout religious person.
Luckily for me, I got my license late – so I am lucky to be able to use the “I’m driving” excuse [Still on zero tolerance, Green P's]
But I am very glad to hear there are young people out there who choose NOT to drink. It’s a bit like the stereotype that all P-platers speed, I have never sped in my life, in fact – I have never driven over 90kms.
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Haha, I still dont even have my P’s (I’m 24) and I dont drink. My friends think I’m pretty much useless haha.
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Hi everyone,
Sally here. I just wanted to say a massive thank you to everyone who has taken the time to respond and share your stories, and huge thanks to Mia and the site for publishing the story. I’m sorry I haven’t had time to reply to every comment, but I have read them all and appreciate them all equally.
No exaggeration, I have NEVER had this conversation because I have never come across people who can talk about it with me and know exactly what I mean. It’s so great to know I’m not the only one
I always suspected there were more out there
But it’s so hard to come across you guys in the real world.
Thanks again so much.
Xxx
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Sally,
I totally understand where you are coming from.
It seems that unless you are pregnant, an athlete, super religious or have severe allergies – you’d have to be bonkers not to want to get your rocks off every weekend.
People just don’t understand “I just don’t want to!”
Which is just as valid as all the reasons above!
If you (or anyone else who is like us!) are in Sydney, let me know if you’d like to catch up
xxx
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I thought it was just me!
I’m 24, I dont drinik (though have been drunkish, just to try it.) I have never ever smoked or taken drugs. I also dont drink coffee. I’ve never had sex either, but sex can lead to babies and I’m so not ready for a baby right now.
Apart from all those appalling abnormalities, I’m normal.
I’m like you in that I’ve never wanted to drink. When I was young I used to say “I’m under 18, it’s illegal” but then when I turned 18 I started making up other excuses. People always knew they were jokes, but it usually stopped them asking. “Why dont you drink?” “I’m actually a nun” “haha, good one” and then they’d drop the topic. I dont really like the flavour, I dont like the fizz and I dont like the expectation.
Most of my friends are drunks. I always think that helps me cos I remember everything they do and I know I dont want to do it.
I have one friend who is a very “experienced drinker” as in he drinks a lot, and last year he blew a blood alcohol of 0.53. For most people, they’d be dead. Somehow he survived.
Sometimes when something bad has happened, I really want to drink, but then I stop myself, because I know that being upset is the worst reason to drink.
Judging by the comments below, there are people like you. There’ll be less pressure as you grow older too. When I was in first year uni it was a much bigger deal than it is now. My friends will forever jokingly offer me a beer when they get one themselves, but I kind of like it.
We should definitely start a club.
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Omg I have a friend who got really really drunk like that too. I looked up the levels and it’s like 0.5 is loss of pretty much everything, then death.
In this case though, I bought him the bottle of grog that he drank to get that drunk, so I felt very much the fool.
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GiGi, good point – I don’t drink coffee either, and I’ve never had sex.
Good on you for choosing friends you can have a joke and a good time with, while still sticking to your choices.
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Im 25, I don’t drink because i dont like the taste, more so recently i find i can drink a few drinks but still would rather not. Ive never taken any drugs and ive never woken up in a gutter or next to some stranger and you know what i dont regret not doing.
You will NEVER wake up when your 30,40,50 or be lying on your death bed wishing you had gotten completely drunk when you were young. Your friends on the other hand……
Don’t fret, your not alone, you will survive (to a ripe old age!!) and you should be proud you look damn better at 4am than the girl throwing up in the gutter.
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Haha thanks Madison
That’s an interesting point to consider, they always say nobody is ever lying on their death bed and says ‘i wish I’d worked harder/longer’…I’m sure it would be the same for drinking. Hard to regret being who you are!
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Hi Sally,
I’m a social drinker and I enjoy it, and I go out most Saturday nights with a close friend, who always drives. She works ALOT, so would prefer to be fresh the next day.
While she’s not a complete non drinker, it doesn’t bother me in any way when we go out, because we always have so much fun together.
I guess my point is, while you may feel different now, as you get older you will find more and more people who CHOOSE not to drink when going out.
Drinking is a huge part of the young Aussie culture, but it definately takes all sorts of people and personalties to make the world more interesting.
If you’re secure in yourself and your choices, it shouldn’t matter what other people think.
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I’m 28 and haven’t drunk for years; I’ve never smoked or done drugs. I actually am a Christian, but that’s not why I abstain: I just don’t like these things.
I also get odd looks and rude questions from people, and occasionally pressure to do one or more of these activities. I generally have a go, but sometimes will look around furtively and explain that I’m a recovering alcoholic/ drug addict/ trying to quit cigarettes and they usually get embaressed and leave it.
I have been drunk twice in my life, and done really stupid things both times, so I just resolved not to drink anymore. I hate the taste of alcohol, so it’s not exactly a hardship. Cigarettes make me feel sick and I think drugs scramble your brain even worse than alcohol.
I’ll never forget feeling pressured to drink at a work function, that was when I knew I had to get out of that company. The culture was so at odds with my personal beliefs and a lot of the people there (including my immediate manager) were heavy drinkers and thought everyone who wasn’t like them was a loser.
I’m happy for people to celebrate a special occasion or just have a good night out, but it seems to me that more and more often these are ending in tragedy. If it was up to me, I’d ban alcohol and cigarettes. Thank heavens it isn’t!
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Hey JessB
I agree completely with your last sentence, I don’t think I’ve ever admitted that to anybody though! Maybe about cigarettes, certainly not alcohol. Because I’ve never known anybody who would agree!
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I’m 18 and drink very rarely (by choice) and never in excess I’m not particularly religious, either. If I’m gonna spend on my credit-carbs, I’d rather eat cake!
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Welcome to the teetotaller fringe! It’s lonely out here.
Seriously though, it’s not going to get any better. Trust me. The only time I have had a drink in my life, was when my Dad died – I was a wreck, someone handed me a drink and I got hammered fast.
Tried cigarettes at 15, got ill, stayed away since.
Those are my 2 big experiences – and I really do not see the big deal.
Drugs I have never touched, the THC in dope, even if I just get a whiff, sends me off into Migraine Hell, always has. So all drugs are evil, and to be avoided.
The drugs, and the cigarettes, no-one bothers me about. Ever. I don’t, and they are cool with that – even the heavier users let me be.
Alcohol though, there’s no avoiding that one. I have worked for years in pubs and clubs, and the expectation that the bar staff will drink is HUGE! It was standard at my last 2 jobs to have a ‘knock-off drink’.
I don’t go out, there are too few options for non-drinkers, and too many tossers who want to label me, or forcefeed me grog. If I am going to a friend’s for dinner, I may take along a bottle of de-alcoholised red, rose, or white, or sometimes a red and a white. That’s what I did at work – I had my own ‘special’ bottle of wine for knock-offs. I can be social without alcohol, but others sturggle.
Most times, I stick to water, and blame my medical condition. It depends on my mood, the occassion, and the people.I am going to a family wedding on the weekend, and there will be toasts. I am taking along a bottle of de-alcoholised bubbly, so I can feel like part of it.
I mentioned this at Uni the other week, and was shot down for dishonesty, because people assume I am drinking, when I am not. How dare I lie!
To which I responded ‘So, I should be made to feel uncomfortable, because I don’t like alcohol? To fit in, I have to drink. Or lie. Which is the greater sin?!’
I don’t think, apart from stopping to socialise (which is what I have essentially done, for a variety of reasons), you can avoid the pressure, or the preconceptions. Just hold your head up, and celebrate being unique. Or grab a bottle of de-alcoholised wine, and play the game……..
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Sorry about your dad RosesAreBlue.
That must be an interesting experience, working in bars/pubs etc, I have often that when the possibility of bar work has come up and I still feel ambivalent, I guess I wouldn’t know until/unless I was actually behind the bar. But I do think that’s far too much alcohol for me to stand.
I will occasionally have a mocktail which MUST be a cocktail according to everyone who sees it!
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I’m 22 and a few years ago I tried drugs but wasn’t for me and never smoked for obvious reasons that it’s dumb for someone to start smoking in this day and age with what we know. anyway… I hardly drink either.
I used to but am just not interested anymore, occasionally i’ll have one, but it is rare. I just don’t need to drink socially. I hate the stigma that you have to drink socially to have fun socially.
I live in the blue mountains which is like half suburbia half country so the pub culture is fairly strong. I have great friends who, although they could be classified as ‘piss heads’ (one of my friends brews his own… DANGER!) they know and respect that I don’t drink and they just ask ‘drinking today?’ usually the answer is no and when other people join us for drinks they can be quite rude and surprised like i am attacking their choice to drink.
Stay strong in your choice and if your friends can’t support you its probably because they feel insecure in themselves. it’s a mature choice to make. you’re not a weirdo- life is much more fun when you remember it the next day!!
don’t succumb to peer pressure, continue to respect yourself and the choices you believe you should be making for yourself
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Thanks kateo
will do! x
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I’m 22. I don’t drink, (don’t like the taste)hate smoking and do not do drugs. I do definitely feel like the odd one out a lot, but I know I’m making the right decisions for me. Don’t worry, you’re not the only one out there!
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Thanks Emilie – that post has taught me (and I hope others) that like nothing else!
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my stepsister doesnt drink.
she is 26, has a bf who drinks.. it just doesnt interest.
she isnt hugely social but definately hangs out with friends etc
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I have a friend who is in his early thirties now & has never had any alcohol, drunks or smoked cigarettes. He plays drums in a band, is one of the most social people I know & is out every weekend at different events or gatherings.
I think it was mostly to tell you of my friend & that at 20 my friends and I would go out for mocktails instead of cocktails so you know you are not alone & there is nothing wrong with it!!
Every now & then people have him on about it, mostly I think because of his rock n’ roll mates lifestyles & that he is so social but sticks to coke or lemonades. But he just shrugs it off & says he has never been interested.
I don’t think it is weird at all. I find it refreshing while I enjoy a glass of nice wine every now & again or cocktails with the girls, I was over the “going out to get pissed” scene before I hit 20 and would opt for mocktails (cheaper, just as yummy as get to drive home!!) or just a couple of wines after tech or work every now & again. Nothing weird about it-though I do get that others would wonder about it, as such is the lifestyle in NZ & Australia to binge drink.
I’ve lost track of my point
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errrmmm, that was supposed to say drugs…not drunks
lol
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Thanks JemimaPDuck!
I LOVE rock ‘n roll music, heavy metal, prog, etc etc and so I think people in these circles find me even more bizarre, particularly as my favourite music was actually created and if often performed while under the influence of alcohol/drugs etc.
In fact I’ve been called a hypocrite on many more than one occasion for loving Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Jimi Hendrix etc because they were all drinkers/drug users and I don’t.
I find that a fairly ridiculous argument however…I don’t care much for what Leo Dicaprio does in his spare time, but i do enjoy his acting
I’m guessing being in a band would also make it more ‘unusual’!
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hey Sally,
you sound like a great girl. Don’t worry about what people think if you get any flack for your choices. I don’t want to sound old and preachy at 38, but one thing which I have found is that people get less judgmental about difference as you get older. Many people will in fact admire you more for this!
Just keep enjoying yourself and things will be fine, K x
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Thanks so much kate
xx
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I feel like a lot of people here feel they are judged for not drinking and I just want to say I offer people drinks but its out of politeness not because I think everyone should have one. Sometimes I dare to even say “Are you sure?” Not for any reason other than maybe they are saying no out of politeness or feel bad for taking up the offer.
I definitely feel the judgement on drinkers is A LOT stronger. Sometimes I think curiousity might be mistaken for judgement. The cover of the papers every other weekend is this binge drinking issue, youths who don’t drink and stay out of trouble are applauded you never see a Young Australian of the year exposed by hundreds of drunken facebook pictures. If you are young and drink on weekends you’ll be lumped in with the “binge drinking issues of todays youth”. I feel like there is a HUGE amount of judgement on people who DO drink as if you don’t know how to have fun without drinking, you are somehow less socially capable, you are less mature, weaker because you give into peer pressure all these things. Maybe it’s just me thats the impression that I get. My parents drank all the time on weekends and they DROVE I think today ALL problems are just highlighted because of the immediacy of the media and the prevalence of cameras and overwhelming use of the internet to share information. There has always been a lot of drinking in the Australian culture now there is just a lot of judgement and opinions on it.
I think it’s fantastic that there are all these people who don’t need or want a drink to have fun but I feel like both sides are judging each other a bit too much.
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I’ll never forget the day a friend of mine was offering drinks at her place then turned to me and said “Do you want a glass of milk?”
I of course accepted.
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Haha GiGi,
I’ve been to many BBQs/21sts etc of friends who are supplying all the drinks/food and it’s fairly common that they’ll have bought a bottle of lift or 6 pack of red bull etc for me without me asking/or them asking me.
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Oh, I dont drink fizzy drinks either haha. Hence the milk.
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I agree there’s a lot of judgment heaped on drinkers/binge drinking etc Kathy, I think there’s a huge contradiction in that though, when our country promotes a drinking culture on so many levels it’s so hypocritical sometimes when they turn around and frown about responsible drinking. I personally don’t think it’s a 14 year old teenager’s responsibility to know what they’re doing when they’re handling something that is not legally intended for their consumption until they’re 18, I’d say it’s more the parents and by extension, broader society.
Sorry to go on a tangent, your comment just made me think of this
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