Forget about Sex and the City. You don’t need to live anywhere near the CBD. There are some women in the ‘burbs who are just as romantically active as their city friends and it has nothing to do with being a Desperate Housewife.
I met ‘Anna’ at a mutual friend’s lingerie party and, after a few drinks and an hour bonding over a shared fascination with the late American novelist Richard Brautigan, she let it slip that she was married to a man called Jeff and also has a boyfriend called Jeff. The 36-year old mother of two said Jeff Husband stopped sleeping with her when their youngest son was born seven years ago.
“He just stopped thinking of me as a sexual being, only as a mother. He moved into the spare room when our son came home from hospital, and he just never returned to our bedroom,” said Anna.
Anna and I made plans to meet for a coffee a week later and she told me she did something ‘really stupid.’ She accidentally sent a loving SMS to Jeff Husband, intended for Jeff Boyfriend and, that night, her husband came home with flowers. And so she accidentally reignited her marriage. Yet, ever a quick thinker, Anna managed to persuade her husband she sent the SMS when she was having a bipolar episode.
I thought Anna was unique until I met ‘Melanie’ via our sons’ love of chess. We quickly became friends and, as I got to know her, I discovered how busy the 42 year old work-from-home mother really is; conducting not one but two affairs with stay-at-home Dads from her kids’ school. She’s only having ‘all the way’ sex with Dad 1 but she’s really fallen deeply in love with Dad 2.
“But I’ve come up with a no-penetration rule with Dad 2. We do everything but intercourse. I couldn’t live with myself going all the way with two men in the same week,” she confided.
In fact, Melanie claims one night she had a heavy ‘make-out session’ with Dad 2 and then, when she got home after midnight, her husband pounced on her.
“So I had foreplay with my boyfriend, followed by sex with my husband,” said Melanie.
As a freelance journalist, I recently interviewed ‘Caroline’, a petite 38 year old blond who’s married with three kids, about issues related to childhood bullying. Mid-interview, she felt comfortable enough with me to confess she enjoys a double life with a mechanic after meeting on E-Harmony.
“Luckily he only lives nearby so he comes over on his lunchbreaks for sex. It’s nothing seedy. We even have moments, mostly when we’re drinking, when we talk about leaving our families and shacking up together. But it’s not a conversation we’ve ever had sober,” said Caroline.
Caroline claims she still loves her husband, ‘in a way.’ What way? “As the father of my children. Plus, we have a long history together. We’ve been together 22 years. But sex with him is just awful.”
Dana is another fan of ‘school dads’ and claims three men have confessed their undying love for her in the past twelve months. I first Dana met her at a local playground when her 4 year old poured her water bottle over my baby’s head. Dana is incredibly pretty, in a Cameron Diaz way, but doesn’t believe her good looks play a part in the seduction.
“They fall for me because I pay them attention. That’s something they don’t get from their wives,” said Dana.
Dana is married to a TV producer and has no intention of leaving him. But, she admits she couldn’t stay in her loveless, sexless marriage if it wasn’t for her brigade of love-lorn daddies.
Oh, and one of her boyfriends is her son’s football coach, another is the father of her son’s best friend. They bump into each other at the local Woolworths, rugby games, bookshop, pub and, one time – she even indulged in fifteen minutes of sex in her car behind the local Thai restaurant. So far, her secret is safe.
“Nobody would ever think I was the kind of person to cheat. But I lie so much about what I’m doing and where I’m going, it’s as easy for me as breathing,” said Dana.
Bettina Arndt recently wrote about married women having zero interest in sex. Clearly this isn’t always the case – some women are just trying to recapture the romance of their youth and indulging in dangerous liaisons. But in the world of Sex and the Suburbs, what would these married mothers do if their whole house of cards came crashing spectacularly on their heads?
“What happens, happens. If I get caught, at least it will force me to deal with my situation head on. I’m not proud of myself right now but I’m so unhappy, these men feel like a life raft,” said Melanie.
LJ Charleston is a has-been TV Reporter, freelance journalist, author of crime novel Light Sweet Crude and upcoming book The Mommy Mafia. She’s currently writing a book Sex and the Suburbs after interviewing dozens of sexually busy women. Find her website here.
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