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by TRACEY COX
Ever lied about how sexually experienced you are? This bloke did. And Mamamia sexpert Tracey Cox has some sage advice…
Question: My new girlfriend is way more experienced than me with sex. She’s had threesomes, slept with a girl – the lot. I’ve only done normal stuff so I lied a bit so she wouldn’t think I was boring. I told her I’d been a swinger and had gone to an orgy and she seemed impressed. She asked lots of questions and so I just made up the answers and we had great sex afterward. Later she asked me what else I’d done, so I started making up other stuff.
Each story I tell turns her on. She says she finds it hot hearing about my ‘adventures’ but none of it is true! It was a bit of a laugh to begin with but now I really like her. Do I tell her it’s all a lie or keep going with it all? I worry she’ll go off me if she thinks I haven’t done much with sex.
Tracey says: The trouble with telling one lie, is that it usually leads to another, then another and before you know it, you’ve got yourself in a right mess. Happily, this is one mess that’s not as bad as you think it is…unless there’s a chance a friend or family member are likely to drop you in it. If she hints at your ‘studly’ past, is there anyone who’s liable to say ‘Who Steve? No way!”.
If you’re reasonably safe and it’s mainly pillow talk, what’s the real harm here? Lots of girls would be horrified if you really had done all you say you have. Your girlfriend, instead, finds it all a turn on. She’s clearly experimental sexually and likes men who are the same. Sure you lied at the start, but it’s understandable. Lots of men would do the same when faced with a women who’s done more than they have. And it was her response to your story that kept the lie going: she liked it and you had great sex. There’s no real difference between this and making up sexy stories as fantasies for dirty talk.
If she ever asks you outright if you lied, admit you did and explain why (I suspect she’ll find it funny rather than be upset). But from now on, instead of saying you’ve done other ‘naughty’ things, turn it around and say ‘This is something I’m gagging to try but never have..”. Then tell her what you’d like to do. It’ll have the same effect but you won’t feel bad for lying.
Tracey Cox is an internationally recognised sex, body language and relationships expert as well as a TV presenter. Follow Tracey on Twitter @TraceyCox or on Facebook here. Her website is at www.traceycox.com and you can buy her books here. Tracey also blogs weekly here.
Have you ever lied about your sexual experience? Would you ever lie?
Comments
22 Comments so far
tell her you lied because the more lies you tell the closer she would find out to know herself so she would be more angry with you.
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I have never understood how knowing a number makes ANY difference. There isn’t any right or acceptable number. It’ll get judged as too high or low one way or another.
We ought to all take our partners as we find them with *us*, not how we imagined they once were with others. Having lots of partners doesn’t make someone any better – in fact a high or frequent turnover sometimes lessens the quality. I find, a bit like dancing or humour, someone’s either ‘got the moves’ or they don’t. It has a lot to do with their confidence.
Here is what matters: How are they in bed with you? How’s the connection between you physically, emotionally, mentally? Are they loyal to you? Imaginative? Respectful? Attentive? Responsive? Passionate?
Asking for a number only leads to speculation and insecurity. And how likely are you to get the truth anyway? The only remnant I’d be interested from the past is their sexual health.
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I think that’s good advice, to shift the focus onto what he wants to do to his girlfriend rather than what he may or may not have done before. Sex is so much about fantasy that I don’t think it’s really a problem to exaggerate your previous sexual experiences – as long as you’re not exaggerating in other areas of the relationship. I think to a certain extent we all want to impress in the bedroom, as the end result is better sex for both partners.
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In a word, no.
You could basically count my “conquests” on the fingers of one hand.
You see, I’ve never believed in sex before marriage. Not really sure about afterwards, either !
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I think that it’s normal for people to lie about their prior sexual experiences. I know that I played down my past sexual experiences to my then to be husband. To “play down” is just as bad as to “play up”. If he’d known half of what I’d sexually done in the past, I probable never would have ended up married to him.
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What happens when she wants to swing? Hope that he’s a good sharer!
I like Tracey’s forgiving take on the situation, because it’s not a malicious lie, but I personally wouldn’t recommend continuing the bullshit.
I reckon the best way to salvage the situation is to come clean or if not brave enough, the next best thing would be to tell her that he has begun making up extra experiences because he can see how much it turns her on.
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Sorry, but I personally think that’s terrible advice. I don’t know of many women who would find it funny that their partner has consistently lied to them about anything – and not coming clean about it means that when it does come out, she’s going to wonder what else she’s been lied to about and start really questioning everything he’s ever told her…..Trust is the basic foundation of any relationship, and you’re seriously advising him to jeopardise that?!!
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Absolutely. Trust and truth are the 2 most important foundations of a lasting and loving relationship. There is nothing wrong with lack of experience, in fact it is sweet and romantic. If two people are meant for each other, they will have plenty of time together to work out what each other likes emotionally, physically and intellectually.
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Ewwwwww…..the only question un-asked is ‘do you have any STI’s’
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bahahaha
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@ Ange … I’ve never found out I’d been lied to so no bitterness here … luv. This is just common sense stuff sans bitterness … luv. You read into stuff as you will … hon
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Yes, this “Expert” will tell you to lie to your partner but won’t be there to pick up the pieces if it all goes to shit if your partner ever finds out and doesn’t respond the way said “Expert” says she will.
Don’t lie to your partner. If you lie about one thing, you’ll lie about another and justify it whatever way suits you.
A savvy partner would then put two and two together and sure enough, it’s bye bye you.
Use your common sense. Would you like it if you partner lied to you about anything?
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Woah. Have a big cup of chillax and try to stop projecting your bitterness – it was just general light-hearted advice luv!
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Isn’t the “expert” advising him to come clean?
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Apart from prostitution (?) what job leads to more sex?
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Ding! Ding! Give that person first prize….
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Oh, come ON!
WHO tells a partner about previous rumpies?
Tell them NOTHING. Or if you have to say something (and you don’t, you know) just say that you don’t kiss and tell, and all those past experiences will go to the grave with you.
Just smile a secret smile.
And get on with it.
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I have the opposite problem, I always and completely honest with guys.. too honest! I have told them ‘you are only the 3rd guy I have slept with!’ and so on. They seem surprised because I am quite adventurous, but I always wish that I had kept the mystery and not told them!!
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I think the best course of action is to not ask, and not tell.
Guys are a bit funny about numbers of partners. I don’t want to know hpow many she’s had.
But I do like it when she tells me they were all crap, I know it’s not true but it’s good for my ego!!
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My parnter has only ever been with two other girls… my magic number is ALOT more than that.. plus I am five yrs older than him… and some of the guys I have been with are the chiseled, great bodied, well endowed hot hot men…. but when I tell my partner he is the best I have ever had, I am telling the utmost truth, both emotionally (because I love him) and also physically.. no one else has ever made me feel as amazing as him, and from looking at him you would not think this true for a second haha
So maybe your gf isn’t actually lying to you 
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I get the emotional connection thing, sex definitely is better with it.
But men, just like women, like to feel like they are special, and guys get all bent up if a woman tells him everything about her history, particularly if she has been adventurous in her past. We don’t want to be judgemental about it, but we are. So the best course of action is to not ask, and not tell. It isn’t telling a deliberate lie, but it isw leaving a few things out, and who would want the sceptre of past partners in the bedroon, or dining table, or park bench…
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I havent lied as such, just not fully disclosed to date, due to a previous job that puts me waay waay ahead of the average woman in this area. Im not planning to keep it secret forever, just picking the right time.
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