If you ever wondered why same sex marriage even matters, what all the fuss is about, watch this.
If you care about gay and lesbian people, watch this.
If you want to see something that truly moves you, watch this.
Do You Like This Story?
If you ever wondered why same sex marriage even matters, what all the fuss is about, watch this.
If you care about gay and lesbian people, watch this.
If you want to see something that truly moves you, watch this.
Comments
146 Comments so far
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I think it’s fair to say that there’s plenty of “Romeo & Juliet” relationships out there where each family strongly objects to the relationship of the two young lovers. That being said though, All this could have had a completely different outcome if these two young men had made a will and had arranged an Enduring Power of Attorney for each other, especially so since they were in business together and shared a mortgage also. Making same sex marriage legal won’t change some family’s opinions any time soon, so take all the steps you can yourself and own the responsibility.
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You’re story broke my heart. The sooner things change on this front the absolute better.
Once again a bigoted, outdated, redundant religious belief system forces itself into places it should not be.
If, as an individual, you want to believe in a religion please be my guest and as part of that belief system, please respect the rights of others who choose not to and think it’s complete horse crap.
One can’t just pick the bits which suit and ignore everything else.
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sob
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Finally had the time to watch this – now I have tears in my eyes…this is so sad. As a mother to a little boy, I just do not understand. All I want is for him to be happy – if I had any role in his unhappiness I would not be able to live with myself – if he found the love of his life, what more could I want for him? How could parents do what they did to their own son both before and after his death – I know it goes on in many households, but I truly DO NOT GET IT.
Tom’s parents didn’t bury or mourn their son. They buried and mourned an idea they had of their son which was nothing but fiction. How is that honoring their child?
To the practical…Yes, equality matters – so very much – and this video is powerful – but for people like me who have been on this page for some time, it doesn’t do that much but reinforce what we already know…and if I shared it on Facebook, it would be seen by my friends who are also already on this page (meaning, equality). I always wonder whether these types of things are actually seen/read etc. by people who hold an opinion OTHER THAN that which is represented in such videos/articles/etc. Or is it only preaching to the choir? Do they work? Do people change their mind because of these types of videos?
I am in no way saying that there is no value to this video…just wondering about the above.
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This absolutely broke my heart……….
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That broke my heart
Y is the US so forward thinking in some things
And so backward in others
Love is love
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This is something I just don’t understand and find it difficult to comprehend. There is nothing anybody could say to me to convince me that banning same sex marriage is the right thing to do. It is wrong. Do we, as humans, choose who we fall in love with? To a certain extent, maybe, but for a large part its just something that happens. Who gives us the right to judge others for who they love? Love is such a beautiful thing and should be cherished. There are so many people who are so ready to judge everyone else on what they should wear, what they should weigh, who they should marry, and even where they should live. Get a life! Let people love who they love. Its a beautiful gift. The world needs more tolerance and acceptance of others. It wouldn’t bother me in the least if my kids were in a same sex relationship, as long as they love each other, thats all that matters. So it should be for everyone else.
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Pingback: Why same-sex marriage matters. « holli and lola
I am listening
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I’m a bisexual woman. A year ago I ended my relationship with my partner for many reasons, some were my fault and some were hers – like any relationship.
One of the things that broke my heart after the six years that we spent together was that she could not tell her family. I blamed her for this. After some time I have a bit more perspective and I’m mostly just saddened that we live in a world where people can’t be honest about who they love.
We travelled together, bought a puppy together, spent nearly every waking hour with each other yet the shame she felt was like nothing I could understand. She was just too frightened that her family would cut off all communication with her.
My family and friends welcomed her with open arms and that was their luck as she is a beautiful woman. I was merely known as the “friend” and I always had to be on my best behaviour at their house (she lived at home) so I couldn’t be affectionate with her or just tell her I loved her, all things that come naturally to me, because she couldn’t handle her family finding out the truth.
I’m sure they knew the truth to some extent, or perhaps they didn’t.
It’s been nearly a year since I’ve seen her face. I think about her constantly but it’s just too painful to be in her life. I don’t even know if she’d want to see me but it’s stories like this that make me stop and think – enough is enough it’s time for change.
While I’m sure I would never be banned from her funeral or chased down the road with a gun, I have felt those eyes on me from parents who have blamed me for their daughters homosexuality.
Love is love. People need to open up their hearts a little more and be more understanding. Life is tough for gay, lesbian, bisexual people. It’s even tougher when you feel ashamed to come out. Marriage equality is an issue very close to my heart. I just hope that it happens in my lifetime. I will cry tears of joy when it does.
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do i know ur ex?
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Yes you do Will.
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Bi-sexual. right.
Lot’s I could say or wonder about that…but I wouldn’t be allowed. Any love is good love……….. right?
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I’m a christian, I know that the bible refers to homosexuality as a sin. I kind of wish it didn’t, but it does. It also says sex between hetero couples is a sin. The bible condemns the sexual act, but not the person. My non-religious heterosexual friends who live with their partners don’t get hated on, and neither should gay couples. Homophobes who hide behind their religion are pretending that the bible says something it doesn’t in order to justify their personal bigotry.
The Christian definition of marriage (and I’m assuming that the concept of ‘marriage’ began with Christianity, but I could be wrong) is between a man and a woman. I get that. To me and a lot of other Christians, then, gay marriage unfortunately can never by definition be valid.
But, so what? To Christians who can’t believe in homosexual marriage, gay marriage will not be valid in the original/Christian sense. No reason to get up in arms and try to stop gay couples committing to each other.
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Christianity did not create ‘marriage’ – it has existed cross-culturally for much longer
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But marriage is a religious thing. It’s one of the seven Catholic Sacraments. So call it something else, but “marriage” is a religious term and if the church, whether it be Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist etc, does not allow it, it can never be changed.
I agree they should be allowed to have the same rights as married people, but call it something else.
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Why should they have to call it something else!?
The church didn’t invent marriage.
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No, actually it’s not. Do your homework. Christianity, as I’ve said elsewhere, did NOT invent marriage.
Calling it something else is degrading it to second-class, which again, reinforces a perception of our relationships being second-rate. It’s not acceptable.
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Im just wondering where in the bible it states that Christianity owns the word “marriage”
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It doesn’t. But since most christians believe that adam & eve were the first humans, and they were the first to be married according to the bible, it kind of goes by extension that christians are going to think that marriage was instituted by god.
Depends on whether or not you believe that as to whether you think marriage is a christian thing. So for christians it is, and for non-christians (or ones who don’t take the bible literally) it isn’t.
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Rachel, I also had a strict Christian upbringing. I know what I have been told about what the bible says and I also know my own interpretation of it. I was brought up to be a Christian…..that is…..to see and recognise Christ in all people. That part is easy because most people are good when they are happy and doing what they believe is right for them. same sex, transgender, intersex, queer, liquid, questioning, gay, lesbian, …..the whole rainbow…. they are not asking to be allowed to “commit” to each other….they have already done that ! they want to be allowed to legally marry and be recognised for the commitment that they make to the person they love.Your sexual orientation does not mean you are blind, stupid or unable to make a binding commitment to another person. Our system takes their taxes, is happy to give a couple a mortgage together, might even give them a deal on health insurance if they pay for a “family package”….. but when it counts…..good old christianity goes into bat with our laws (based on christian values) and renders this minority as invisible…….
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By “commit to each other” I meant marry. Obviously they can commit to each other already.
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Sorry just finished watching this. Feeling very emotional, and now angry after reading this.
I have lost a few friends due to bigots like you. I’m over it. Piss off. It’s because of you I have lost 3 friends in this world. It’s because of people like you I’ve lost two jobs.
I’m sorry if this offends, but I am SO OVER having to justify my natural existance on this planet all because of a stupid book written by men (not Gods)
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Susan, you had something to say to me?
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Sorry if I offended you, but I feel incredibly sad for the couple in this video, too, and I’m not a bigot.
My point was that christians have no place in opposing gay marriage; maybe they can’t consider it by definition valid, that’s no reason to get up in arms about it as some do. Live and let live.
My point other point was that I’m sick of people using the bible to hide behind as an outlet for their homophobia. If you’ve lost jobs or friends because of your sexual orientation then that’s exactly what I’m talking about. Sorry to hear it.
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How sad. One of my best friends was in a very similiar situation in 2010.
Wake up Julia. This is getting beyond a joke.
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I was watching this and my 10yo asked me what it was about, when i told him his response was “why cant you marry who you love, it shouldnt matter to anyone else.”So proud of him, if only the world saw things the same way.
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If we ALL taught our kids this, then things will change. Change may not happen until our kids grow up, but it will happen if we educate them now. I tell my kids the same thing. They are only 8,7 and 4, but the older two have heard things on the news and asked questions, and my husband and I tell then – people should be able to marry who they want to marry, regardless of their sexuality.
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I have made it very clear on numerous occasions that I fully support and endorse any moves towards same sex marriage.
I found the clip highly emotional. It has been my experience that you win more hearts and minds when you use reason free of emotion to support your case.
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Actually, successful persuasion is strongly linked to empathic resonation within your audience. Stories that humanise people are far more likely to communicate meaning that dry facts.
It’s one thing to hear about the genocide of the Jewish people in world war two, quite another to read the diary of Anne Frank.
If logic worked, you’d just have to say “People should have equal rights and opportunities regardless of sexual orientation” and everyone would slap their head and say “OF COURSE!”. It is nice to have logic and science on your side, but that alone doesn’t convince people.
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What a sweet engagement story. Made tears in my eyes. You guys are so great toheegtr and I am so happy for you. God surely did a wonderful job in putting you two toheegtr. Many years of love and happiness I wish for you.
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Any love is good love baby!
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How is this video meant to support same sex marriage?!?
Other than the threats of violence his family acted correctly. His death is tragic, but even more so since he chose a path that leads to eternal damnation. Legalizing something so immoral is wrong and we all know that 2 wrongs don’t make a right
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Morals are different to laws. It’s immoral for me to ignore others’ opinions and feelings to advance my own agenda, but it’s not illegal. Otherwise the church would have been dissolved years ago. Which is the greater evil: extramarital sex or AIDS? Morally, I think we should be acting to address the latter issue.
They are separate things. You say he chose a path to eternal damnation; I say it wasn’t a choice, and if your god both *makes* people a certain way and then punishes them for it, I would rather spend an eternity in Hell than support someone so evil that they would cause such suffering on the basis of what *they* did, and/or so needy that they will punish anyone who puts the questioning mind god gave them to good use and questions the teachings and writings of men who purport to speak the word of god, yet act so inconsistently with it.
If that’s your god, I don’t want his approval. I’d rather be a good person. If being a caring person who questions unproven and inconsistent teachings of god is sufficient to send me to hell, so be it. I will have chosen the more worthy path of existence.
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Amen sister! Shannon, you have summed up your response perfectly.
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Shannon, your opinion moved me. So clearly stated. So right. So simple, so intelligent. You Rock!
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what a great god you worship. you’re really convincing me to convert.
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Morality (from the Latin moralitas “manner, character, proper behavior”) is the differentiation of intentions, decisions, and actions between those that are good (or right) and those that are bad (or wrong). A moral code is a system of morality (for example, according to a particular philosophy, religion, culture, etc.) and a moral is any one practice or teaching within a moral code. The adjective moral is synonymous with “good” or “right.” Immorality is the active opposition to morality (i.e. good or right), while amorality is variously defined as an unawareness of, indifference toward, or disbelief in any set of moral standards or principles.[1][2][3][4] An example of a moral code is the Golden Rule which states that, “One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself.”[5]
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Bruce.. if you understand the meaning of morality you might think twice before saying that to love no matter in what form is ‘immoral’. Sure the only immoral thing in this situation is your standing with people who hate and segregate.
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Bruce, if you really believe in God’s word you would know that the bible says “let he who has not sinned cast the first stone”. We should not condemn other peoples actions or sins (if homosexuality is a sin, which I believe it is not) unless we can say we never cheat, steal or lie which I’m sure doesn’t apply to you. Furthermore, the bible also clearly says that in God’s eyes all “sins” are equal so cruelty towards others and dishonesty is just as bad as murder in God’s eyes and warrants repentance.
The bible is and always has been subject to interpretation and what the bible says about same sex couples is very little and very complex. HOWEVER what is written in ABUNDANCE and very clearly is how God wants us to LOVE one another like Jesus loved us (enough to die for us on the cross). Instead of focusing on an issue that is not clear cut and requires complex analysis and self thought, why don’t you focus on God’s greatest command to love each other?? (which you are not doing by using such harsh words to condemn something that you probably haven’t given enough thought about)
I am sick of people like you giving Christians a bad name and I hope that you will focus on the more important issues such as how to show others the immense love that God has shown us.
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Bruce,
How can he help being gay, and why would any god punish him for being true to himself, the way he was made? You do realise, that psychologically speaking, he was in fact born this way. Gay men have been found to have changed in the physical structure of their brain (changes which were present at birth). If God will punish him for that, then God doesn’t deserve to be worshipped.
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Legislating morality is a recipe for disaster and no good has EVER come of it, take a look at any year in history you like.
Why don’t you just accept that other people’s opinions are as valid as yours and merrily go on your way believing what you want to without impinging on others?? It’s just interfering and utterly disgusting that you feel you can impose your beliefs (beliefs – not proven truths, however convinced you may be) on others in such a superior manner.
If you don’t like gay marriage, then I support you in your view wholeheartedly. But if you start forcing that view on others then I want nothing to do with you. Your attitude is precisely what drove me away from what was otherwise a very loving Christian Church family.
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It’s comments like this Bruce that confirm the reasons i took my 5 yesr old son out of RE class’s at school !
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I’m assuming your son doesn’t go to a catholic school if you can withdraw him. You should talk to the principal if they’re preaching something you don’t believe is right. Religious Education should cover a wide range of religions if taught correctly.
I work at a catholic school and our RE coordinator is openly gay. He is fabulous at what he does and I’m sure a lot of people in our school community would take great offence if any parent withdrew their child based on what the media plays on. Sure, the view that homosexuality is a sin does come from Christianity but I’m pretty sure the majority of Christians would accept homosexuality.
I think you’re making an assumption based on little evidence.
Forgive me if I have just done that to you.
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We are not religious, and would be very happy for our son to spend time Learnjng about all different types of religion, so he can make up his own mind of what he beleive or does not beleive when he is older. Unfortunately the RE class’s are purely christian teaching which we feel is not a balanced view of today’s society.
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Please Bruce you ignorant fool realise that the bible was written a bloody long time ago and if you read through it you will realise it is littered with stupid things that are so conviently ignored yet the gay thing keeps getting mentioned.. To take what the bible says literatly is foolish… If you read the passage Leviticus 25:44 it states that a man may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from nations?? Does that mean I in the UK can buy my slaves from France? Do you think it is ok to possess slaves in the year 2012???? I think not… Also Leviticus 21:20 states that you may not approach the altar of god if you have a defect in sight? Are all people with glasses to stay away from the altar of god if they don’t have 20/20 vision or is there room for contact lenses???? I could go on and on and on for hours quoting stupid passages from the bible that are just ignored… People who say the bible says being gay is wrong are hypocrites as the bible says a lot of crap that mean nothing in today’s society and if you followed the bible literatley then you would be condemned as foolish walking around with your slaves hoping god doesn’t notice your eye site is failing! The bible even says you violate leviticus if your wife wears an outfit made of two kinds of thread! So no high street shopping or you’ll burn in hell! Religion has started more war’s than anything else has and to follow words written thousands of years ago in today’s society is impossible… I didn’t become gay I have always been gay my mother and father knew I was gay from when I was a child but said nothing until I told them. Gay is not a lifestyle choice it’s how GOD made me and I am more than happy with what I am and there my friend ends the lesson… Ahmen
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This is a completely (fabricated?) one-sided propaganda story designed for maximum impact. How the hell can we verify anything this guy is saying by only getting one side of the story? were they indeed in a monogamous relkationship? were they bi sexual? did they have a massive falling out before he died? was it just a one-sided crush?…
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i have another question: are you for real?
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I’m with you JM – are you serious? I guess that’s why the world needs videos like this. Far out.
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yep, for real. Wake up people.
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? – this is a tragic, heart breaking video. And even if the storyline is entirely fabricated (which I don’t believe it is for a second), there is still 100 percent truth in that gay couples do not have the same rights as heterosexual married couples, although their love is just the same.
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Oh ?, if only one could Google, Wiki or IMDB Thomas Bridegroom to check the veracity of this story – oh wait, you can!! Although trolls don’t seem to be able to research.
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Oh of course because people attracted to those of the same gender aren’t capable of monogamous relationships…….my mistake. Wake up!!!
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Did you actually watch the video?
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No. Just no.
What an offensive comment.
Love that you brought out that old chestnut “gay people can’t be monogamous”
Give me a break.
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You are kidding me, right? Say you are just trolling. Please return to the rock from which you crawled out from.
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Complete with violins and a mournful singer. I noticed we weren’t allowed to read the name on the headstone…
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Truly heartbreaking… Thanks for sharing this with us.
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I have recently found what love really is and I am happier than have EVER been. I am in a same sex relationship. My children are great with it, my extended family are not. It makes life harder. I don’t feel a need to marry, but realise the importance of putting my wishes onto paper to protect ourselves. Thankyou for such a beautiful piece. For me, if I’m not good enough in life then I’m not good enough in death and my family are not welcome to attend my funeral.
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Tomorrow, my daughter is going into the city to be part of a peaceful protest to fight for the right for gay and lesbians to marry..
I THINK IT IS DISGUSTING……
Why should she NEED to do this!!!! as it should be a right of EVERY MAN and WOMAN to marry the one they love…
My daughter should not be going in to protest what should be a right!
I have married the one I love, why cant others??
My daughter has my blessing as she and all her friends from school are supporting others, who they feel have been denied a right.
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You’re a great mum.
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I know of someone who experienced a similar thing here in Australia. As he lay dying in hospital, his family prevented his partner from being there. They also took all his worldly goods when he died. Saddening, maddening and disgusting. This needs to change now.
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That has happened to many friends of mine…as the loves of their live lay dying and calling for them the families refused to allow them to see each other one last time.
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But Tom didn’t commit suicide…he just fell of during a photo shoot he was making…still a sad thing =( …
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Yup, don’t think many know that it wasn’t suicide, it was an accident.
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This is so heartbreaking. To find love like this is truly a gift, and should be treasured. I hope one day that Tom’s family realize their mistakes in denying/ignoring the most important love in his too-short life.
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Your partner was beautiful. I’m so sorry for what you have been through.
I hope change comes soon. Xxxx
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I send you my love from Sydney Australia, Tom knows what you are doing where hr is resting waiting for the day when you will get to see him again, only this time, it will be just you and him because Toms parents will be rotting in HELL…..
Stay strong for Tom . X
Jiffy
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I don’t get people, I would be so grateful if my children found such love in their lives when they grow older. Hell, I wish it for my self. Really touched a deep cord within me. Love is love, no matter how it comes into your life, it’s such a gift, such a privilege.
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I was shocked when a friend of mine posted as a Facebook status “I never want to have to qualify that I am married to a woman.”
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I don’t understand what that means?
x
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It means that, when someone says that they are married, it automatically means that they have a partner of the opposite sex and are therefore heterosexual (more or less – I’m bisexual). He’s afraid of having to explain that he has a wife, not a husband.
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That’s ok, just tell him he can use the term “wife” when referring to his.. um… ‘wife’.
That should do the trick.
(not to make light of it – I agree with you – unbelievably disappointing. If you dont’ want a same sex marriage, marry someone of the opposite sex!)
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Yeah to me he’s missing the point entirely. It’s MARRIAGE. Not heterosexual marriage and homosexual marriage. Also not sure why he would need to make it known that it was a woman he was married to? I can’t imagine someone saying “Are you married?” And then “To a man or a woman?” I also can’t imagine that being on forms to fill in. In fact I don’t ask people I meet if they are married or not and people I know I have met their partners at some point or their partners have been talked about. I usually can pick up the gender by their referral to their partner as ‘he’ or ‘she’.
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Hmm. I would’ve blocked and deleted on FB. Then in real life too.
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This had me in tears…so heartbreaking, so beautiful and so powerful…..
words fail me….
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This is why I am glad that, in Australia, we have this: http://australia.gov.au/life-events/relationships/de-facto
Don’t get me wrong, gay marriage would be good too, but the fact that America doesn’t even have de facto relationship legislation is just mind boggling.
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My sister is gay and has a beautiful partner. My kids adore them both and see no difference between their relationship and the relationship between my other sister and her male partner. I love that! Hopefully the kids of today will grow up in a different world to the one of today. A world where love is equal for all is one that can’t come soon enough. The day my sister can marry her girlfriend will be such a happy day for our family!
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I hope my kids don’t grow up in a world where this is an issue. It shouldn’t be an issue anymore. It’s LOVE, who it’s between is nobody else’s business. This just drives me up the wall.. nobody says no to you marrying someone abusive yet you can’t marry someone with the same genitals as you.
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That is just heartbreaking. Thanks for sharing.
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I’ve a sister who suicided and a younger brother who is gay.
This video saddened me a great deal
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I have seen this before but very moving and worth revisiting every year until it’s no longer a problem.
Can anyone name the first piece of music for me? Thanks.
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don’t know who this version is by but the original is ‘clare de lune’ composed by debussy
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Thank you!
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Written for piano solo – I wasn’t a fan of the violin over the top..maybe I’m just a musical snob haha! It is beautiful though isn’t it?
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So hard to know what to say. This was an incredibly moving piece, and I feel so sad for everyone involved.
I don’t get why people find the thought of gay people marrying each other so a dreadful thing. I just don’t get it. I’m straight. I’ve been married – and divorced – twice. I could marry again if I so chose. (Hell, no.) But I could. Why shouldn’t two people, who love each other, and want to express that to the world, not have the legal rights and ensuing responsibilities so to do?
I also don’t understand why anyone’s sexuality / gender preference / whatever-other-way-there-is-to-state-this is anyone’s business other than the person involved, and their lover(s).
The Biggest Loser write-up in the SMH this week noted that Margie was “openly gay”. Was there anything about anyone else being “openly straight”? Why does it make any difference? So she was crushing on Michelle. Who the fuck cares? It didn’t seem to bother Michelle any. I’d probably be crushing on Michelle, too.
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I agree. These days, I’ve learnt to turn that around. When people tell me they’re straight I act shocked and confused. But isn’t everyone gay???! :p
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This is so sad . Extremely heart touching . They were one good looking couple. I’m just outraged by the parents, they disgust me
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How ironic that Tom’s last name is Bridegroom!
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That was very moving, and educational. What beautiful men and what a heartbreaking story. I shared it with my daughters. What amazes me is how supposedly “loving” parents can be so outrageously conditional in their love. I’m pregnant right now and it helps me to see that it doesn’t matter if this child is male or female, straight or gay, smart or handicapped, whatever. They deserve love. And I’d want for them the same rights as any other human being.
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Thank you for sharing.
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Hope Tom’s parents are ashamed of themselves.
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Bet they’re not though….
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My partner of nine years ended her life on the 1st of January 2008 because of many issues, one of which was the constant bombardment of negativity propogated by the less forward thinking members of our society. I was banned from her burial and memorial by her ‘family of origin’. This video broke my heart all over again but thank you for sharing it. This is important stuff people. We are losing precious and valued members of our community everyday. When will this ever stop?
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Samantha, I’m so sorry for your loss.
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I’m so sorry to hear that Samantha – sorry that you lost your partner, and also sorry that you were prevented from honouring and grieving her. I hope you’re taking care of yourself and that you’ve got lots of love and support around you. xxx
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Thanks Lisa and Vegas. Your comments are very much appreciated. I’m doing OK. I have a lovely support network of family and friends(I’m one of the lucky ones). I just wish my beautiful partner could say the same. I miss her terribly
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Oh, Samantha. I’m so sorry.
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Sam….when two souls meet and meld, nothing and no-one should, or has a right to, tear them apart.
Hugs to you.
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My thoughts are with you. It’s heartbreaking to hear your story, so terribly hard.
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Samantha, I’m so sorry for your loss and the way you were treated. Know there are so many other people who are on your side & support your cause, even though we don’t know you personally.
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I’m so sorry Samantha. I hope there is a change in our lifetime.
xxxx
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There is one thing I need to say about this video….much of this eg. the hospital’s response, the mother’s ability to assume when and where her son would be buried did not occur because this couple were gay this COULD happen to a hetero couple too. It happened because they were not married.
Whilst we like to think how forward thinking we are and how laws now cover de factos relationships this is NOT always the case
In the end there is NO difference between a hetero couple and a gay couple therefore you should be able to legally marry anyone you choose to.
e
I would also like to pass my condolences on to Tom….you looked like a very happy couple who were very much in love. I am very sorry for your loss and hope you find happiness again in your future
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Very few heterosexual couples experience this level of discrimination. Yes it happens, however hospitals do on a regular basis don’t allow a same sex partner as much access to someone in hospital, especially if there are family issues involved.
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Smiled. Cried. Shared. For Tom.
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me too
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This broke my heart. Major triggers. When I was recently admitted to hospital after an accident and my partner was rushing to be by my side, I was incredibly afraid they wouldn’t let him in. Most nurses were fine with him being there but one nurse kept referring to him as my “friend” and kept correcting me every time I said partner. I’m worried what would have happened if I was not conscious and able to say I give permission for him to be there.
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Hi Just Jay,
How unpleasant, why must some people be so freaking rude? Especially when you’ve just been in an accident!
There are steps you can take to make sure your partner is able to be by your side and make decisions for you if the need ever arises. I’m not sure how serious you are, but when the time comes – make sure he is listed as your Next of Kin on all govt. documents and as your emergency contact at work, to ensure they call him if anything happens to you. Your superannuation will have a form for nominating him as your beneficiary also.
Since you’re not married, having it on paperwork will give him backup in case he ever needs to make decisions on your behalf.
Also, as you can see in the film clip, you have to make a will! You’re never too young to make one, and it will mean that your partner is recognised and receives what you want him to if anything were to happen to you. If you don’t, and you pass away without one in place (intestate), the Public Trustee can take a very long time determining who is the rightful beneficiary, and will take a percentage of your estate for their trouble.
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Even if you are married and dont have a will you can still run into problems. A friend of mine’s husband passed away. they didnt have a will. The public trustee wanted to give it to his parents & siblings. The parents and siblings didnt want it they wanted the wife to have it. Didnt matter. They had to go to court to make sure it went to the wife because if the parents had of recieved any of it they would have lost their pensions because the inheritance would have become income for that financial year even though they would have been giving it away. Apparently if they had have had children together it would have been a different case and the money would have gone into trust for the children.
Always make sure you have a current and up todate will!!
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You know you can complain about that nurse? Take it from this nurse. S/he was acting outside of the competency requirements for a registered nurse.
I’d complain. She’ll be shown the letter of complaint and have to answer for it. If no one speaks up s/he will keep doing it.
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I hope Tom is haunting his family. They should be ashamed of themselves.
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Thats an awful thing to say, the dead should be allowed to peacefully move on. What we can hope for is that someone in the hearts of his parents is the knowledge of who he really was & how they could have acted with love not shame & deciet, thats the only haunting thats worthwhile.
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It’s crazy to me that this is still an issue. I’m straight but not narrow. I have no religious leanings but I do respect other’s rights to religion – But no one is asking those religions to sanction or carry out the marriages – Let’s just make it legal for civil celebrants or any religion that wants to, perform the ceremoniesand have these marriages recognised by law. Any discrimination based on the ‘gender’ of the person you choose to love is ludicrous to me.
My hope is that one day, denying same sex marriage will hopefully seem as crazy to us all, as women not having the right to vote, or people of colour riding in the back of the bus, seems now.
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You are right. Every marriage now has two parts, the ceremony, and the legalities. Same sex marriage advocates are not asking religions or any group to change their ceremony or traditions, even if they disagree with them. They are only asking for a change to the legalities, which are dictated by the governments. Then the same sex couples can make up their own mind on the ceremonies they want to perform, which are just really for show anyway.
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I am in full support of same-sex marriage but slightly off-topic, I am curious if the situation in the above video happens/could happen in Australia also?
I am straight and have been with my partner for 5+ years, lived together pretty much all that time and have no intention to get ever married hence are classified a ‘de facto’ couple in Australia and I thought we had the same exact rights as a legally married couple should we part ways or something happens to one of us (am I wrong?).
Is the de facto status equal for same-sex partners as well?
Is there such thing as de facto in USA?
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I think the problem is that in the US the States legislate on these things, so it’s different wherever you go. Some may recognise, others not.
But in Aus it’s federal, so the de facto rules apply all ’round.
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America’s laws re de facto status are very different to ours. It may well vary from state to state, but to my knowledge you aren’t considered to be in a de facto relationship unless you have been together for seven years, even if you’ve had kids together. While a guy might – note, might – be required to pay child support should he leave in this time and the couple weren’t married, this is not always the case, and there is no distribution of property etc the way there is here.
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This can happen but usually don’t if their family becomes involved and doesn’t want the partner involved. It depends on a lot, including the length of time you’ve been together and if you live together.
Best thing to do is once it becomes serious is set up a will, including a living will. It’s important to make sure it’s all legally tied up to cover both you, your partner and any children ect
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Hi,
Defacto in Australia does not convey the same rights as marriage does, even when you do meet the criteria as defacto.
We went to see our lawyer when we were pregnant with our first child and asked what we needed to do to have the same rights. There were three things.
1. Medical power of attorney so we had rights in a medical emergency – otherwise we were told that it was at the discretion of the hospital as to whether the defacto had rights or the family of origin.
2. Financial power of attorney – so we could access our accounts immediately in the case that one or the other of us died. Otherwise you had to wait until the estate had been settled.
3. Wills.
All in all, it cost us around $500 to have all this done. A bargain really.
I hope that helps.
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Thanks Felicia, that’s all very important information that we should have known. Will definitely be looking into them!
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Wow. So powerful. Makes Obama’s words all the more significant. Thanks for sharing. x
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