Do you think the bride and groom could name all of these guests?
Even royal family members feel overwhelmed by wedding guest lists and the pressure to invite certain people.
In an interview with the BBC, Prince William said when he first saw the guest list for his April 2011 wedding, he knew none of the 777 people on the list.
According to news.com.au:
Prince William (in the suit his Granny told him to wear) and Kate Middleton
Prince William has revealed his horror at plans by palace officials to turn his wedding to Kate Middleton last April into a gala event for people the couple had never met.
But then his grandmother, the Queen, stepped in and told him to scrap the guest list and invite his friends.
“I walked into the first meeting and literally got presented with a list with 777 names. I looked at it and there wasn’t one person on there I knew,” William said.
“It brought a sense of dread and fear over what was going to happen … I sort of said: ‘This is not the way it’s going to be. Let’s start again.’
“I rang my grandmother for some clarification and duly got told that it was ridiculous and that I should start with my own friends.”
Um, go grandma. While many brides and grooms to be are disagreeing with their elders advice, the royals are lapping it up.
The documentary also revealed there was disagreement among the royal family about what the prince would wear on his big day.
“Within the Irish Guards Regiment there’s several variances of dress you can wear and I was opting for a different type of dress to the one I wore on the day,” Prince William said.
“My grandmother very much decided that the red tunic was very smart and the appropriate one to wear for the day. So I was duly told on that occasion, so I did as I was told.”
Grandma saves the day again!! What a woman.
I wonder how many of these guests were on the original list and how many were added by the Prince himself…
The Kiss
Have you ever experienced wedding guest angst as a bride, groom or guest of a wedding?
Comments
89 Comments so far
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I have recently become engaged and I am excited, yet overwhelmed with all of the decisions that we have to make. It’s very early days but want to decide a date and location in the next few months. I am from Australia (NSW) and he is from NZ. I lived in NZ for 3 years when we first got together then we moved to Perth a year ago. Where to have it? We don’t EVERYONE to spend a fortune and go to Fiji or Samoa, but we’d like it so it’s easy for a lot of the guests. My partner doesn’t mind where we have it and I don’t have my heart set on anywhere in particular either, but I’m just stuck in this non-decision making mode about location. Any suggestions?
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We had 50 guests at a destination wedding. Roughly one third were my friends, one third were his friends and one third were family, so it felt very evenly split. No friends of parents, extended family, workmates we’d lose touch with or childhood friends we hadn’t seen in years. Everyone that was there cared about us enough to pay for a weekend away (flights, hotels) so we indulged them with the best wedding we could afford – plus drinks the night before, a party the day after, etc. By cutting the guest list, we could splash out on better food and wine and put on a really luxurious-feeling day for fewer people. It felt small and intimate. I also got to talk to every single person there multiple times. Too many brides say their day passes in a blur. Mine didn’t at all. Mainly because we were ruthless with our guest list.
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We got married 18 years ago and had 250, as was the custom in my family. Recently I was looking through the photos and realised that the people I still stay in touch with from that wedding are family friends and family. We have made lots of new friends since then who I now marvel weren’t at our wedding and we have lost touch with plenty of people on that list who HAD to come, then.
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We started out organizing a big wedding and even had a date set. Unbeknown to us my MIL was asking people to the wedding before the guest list had been finalized and invites sent :“This is a wedding we don’t have to pay for! Yipee! Are you coming to the wedding?” … We ELOPED!
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My partner and I plan to elope! A wedding in a foreign country with probably a photographer as the witness. My only concern is upsetting family (mum mainly) and offending people. I have heard of people getting really upset by a couple eloping and then not wanting to invite them to their own wedding? If any Mums or Dads are out there what do you think!? I love weddings but I don’t like being the centre of attention, I hate the thought of the stress of it all and since I was a little girl I’ve dreaded walking down the aisle. Now my Dad is no longer with us so it appeals even less if that’s possible. (that isn’t why I don’t want a wedding I just never have) Partner is happy with eloping. BUT my long winded question is really just to fans/haters of eloping? If it would offend you, why? If not, why?
I would probably throw a wedding party to celebrate our marriage where we will offer food and drinks and dancing but just a party not a wedding!
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Please take your mother with you. My daughter is getting married this year and I don’t care who she invites as long as I’m on the list. I would hate to miss out on her wedding. A party later is not quite the same.
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I think people do forget that even though the wedding is about the couple, its also an important day in the lives of parents, grandparents, siblings and close friends who love you. I think they are within their rights to be upset about being left out of your wedding. To me eloping is selfish. Shutting out loved ones, especially your mum, on a day they have probably been looking forward to or thinking about for a long time will upset them for much longer than the stress of organising a wedding will cause you.
I worked with a woman who eloped and her grandmother was still upset about it 5 years later.
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Dont do it. I eloped 10 years ago and thought it was a great idea. I did not have very few negative comments but I remember the sad nearly tears in my old dads face when I told him. He was supportive, but my mum told me later that my dad was so sad as he said he had looked forward to walking me down a driveway, an aisle, a garden path or anything since the day I was born. I always feel sad now that I denied him that opportunity. I was young, selfish and just didn’t think he would care.
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Elope but take your mum with you. Invite a few close friends or family members that are really important to you and then it’s up to them if they can travel. I know my mum would be soo freaking devestated if I eloped without inviting her…
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I wanted to elope but we ended up getting married on a beach in Thailand, super easy to orgainise and no stress.
We only had a handful of people there (immediate family) and it was so intimate and special.
Take your mum
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Elope, but take your Mum and your fiance’s parents. Go out for the best dinner you can afford and keep it small and intimate.
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Hi there!
My sister faced this conundrum last year and eloped with her partner. Only the two of them were present for the wedding. I know it did upset my mum (even though she remained supportive of their decision and never complained) as she is unpartnered and it’s only me and my sister, and we aren’t very close to our cousins..
I would have loved for my sister to invite parents only as it would have meant the world to my mum. I would have understood if they didn’t want siblings, even though I do feel sad when friends’ siblings get married and they get to join in on all the fun.
That’s just my two cents!
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What does everyone think about the “getting married at the engagement party concept?
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I had a friend who had a surprise wedding at her engagement and it was absolutely gorgeous. Such a lovely happy surprise.
One of the best weddings Ive ever been to.
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I think people love a surprise and the only thing better than a good wedding is a surprise wedding!
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I love the surprise wedding idea, and would have done it if all of our friends were in the same state – I couldn’t risk people being unable to travel to the engagement party and missing out on our wedding!
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LOVE it!!!
But, dont have the ceremony right at the party start time.
People think its ok to be slightly late to an engagement party so if you have the ceremony immediately you risk people missing it.
We missed some of our best friends surprise wedding because our cab didnt turn up and we were late
I’d recommend starting the party in a different dress, and then slipping away about half an hour to an hour in and changing (obviously only applicable if you are planning on wearing a ‘wedding’ dress). Get someone to make an announcement and then come cruising out and get married
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I think it sounds awesome too! Still in negotiations with the boy though – he is surprisingly traditional when it comes to this! I just figure if some random relative can’t make the effort for my engagement why should I fork out $100 a head for them to be at a wedding I’m too stressed organizing?! Like idea of changing dresses – the wow factor would be cool… Now, how to keep it a secret….
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my fiance and i have to pay for our own wedding, so we are starting to save after being engaged on friday. i have bought up the subject of the guest list a few times with him about whether he will be inviting his aunts, uncles and cousins who he has not seen in years, and that i have never met before, to which he replied that yes he will be inviting them. plus, he wants to invite the parents AND siblings of his mates, who, again, i have never met! i understand about wanting to invite the famly, cos its family, but to have to pay for extra people that i dont even know… whereas he has met everyone from my side. in a way i feel slack thinking this, but realistically weddings can be expensive and i really wanted to have the more important people there. i suggested maybe he can have a seperate get together with those people, but he didnt like that comment. ah well, we still have two years to figure that bit out.
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Do the sums. Do along with his idea, work out how much per head and see how he feels about the total $$$ If he is ok with it what the heck?! Go with it.
You could also go with the new bridey thing of asking for contributions to the homeymoon/new apartment whatever from the hundreds of guests. The important thing is to relax and enjoy.
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Weddings – just a total minefield! But I wanted to share a positive story, the most intimate, beautiful wedding I attended would have been labelled ‘large,’ with 300plus guests. However everyone was there because of a strong connection to bride, groom or both. I thought before attending, that I’d barely see the bride with so many guests, but that was not the case, and I felt I’d truly shared my friends amazing day with her.
Sadly I have also heard the same story as shared earlier of women been left off wedding invites received by their husbands/boyfriends/civil partners. As a single person I am totally fine with not getting the ‘and guest’ on invites, but to be together for several years, living together and not invited, that is just incredibly insensitive and dare I say just intolerable, like men sitting in the ‘date seat’ in a restaurant rather than theiir wife/girlfriend, but we’ll save that rant for another article.
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What’s the date seat? I’ve never heard that before.
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‘date seat’ is the seat with a view of the door/front of the restaurant, and preferably with wall behind. Men should always seat their wife/girlfriend in this seat, and not in the seat that is exposed to passing traffic, or with their back to door/front or entrance. In a family group configuration, the most senior woman in the group, ie: Grandma or Great Grandma, should get the ‘date seat,’. Most people just do it naturally, but some men… check it when you are out to dinner next, you’ll see what I mean.
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Oh Susan, that happened to me last week!
My boyfriend received an invitation to his female friends wedding in his home country (we live together in WA) and it didn’t have my name, or ‘and guest’. This was after she emailed him asking for our address and he emailed back, asking that I be his plus one and she agreed!
We were planning to fly over, attend the wedding and for me to meet his family and friends for the first time. We met in July 2010 and have lived together for one year.
When my boyfriend asked her what the deal was, she said she was waiting for someone to RSVP ‘no’ before confirming my spot?!
Sooooo awkward. Now I don’t want to go at all!
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I am just stunned how many times I am hearing of this happening, I am so sorry to hear this has happened to you. I hope it works out and the wedding and planned trip come off as hoped. Take care
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Not angst so much but when my SIL got marred my MIL wanted a photo “with her family”. This photo consisted of my inlaws, my husband, his brother, his sister and her husband. Oh and my daughter, her only grandchild. She made a big show about how she was having a photo with her family, whilst I stood on the side like an idiot! My BIL was in the photo but apparently he is more “family” than me, who has been married to her son for 10 years at that time. My SIL also told everyone I was pregnant (i was only 8 weeks) – I told her because I knew she would be happy and didn’t tell everyone else so not to steal the glory but she told everyone anyway!!
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I once had the opposite situation: my boyfriend and I were both 18 and we were invited to his uncle’s wedding. Despite having gone out with him only a few times so far, I was all but ordered into the family photo which made me feel uncomfortable at the time.
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I had been with my current BF 3 years and he was Best Man at his Brothers Wedding. It came time for the family photo’s and I was happy to stand on the sideline. The BF dragged me in which was nice of him….. however an Aunty told me to stand at the end so they can “cut me out” of the photo’s when we break up. I was gobsmacked and pretty upset up that one.
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Oddly enough the thoughts of “who would I invite” were floating about my head recently (oddly because even if it became legal for my GF and I to get married tomorrow, I want a church wedding and thus there will be an additional fight on our hands to change the understanding of “marriage” within my church… plus I’ll have to come up with a way to have a wedding liturgy that both I – as a Christian who sees marriage as a blessing from God – and my GF – who is athiest – can cope with.)
Anyway.
I totally would go with the “Father of the Bride” (remake) theory. “Invite as many people as you want to the church. Pack ‘em in. Build a grandstand outside for all I care.” But keep the reception to the close friends.
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Ooh, I hope you can get married – and soon!
On the christian/athiest issue – P-Daddy and I came to an agreement. He got his religious service, but we had it at the hotel rather than a church. He started his vows with “In the sight of god I P-Daddy….” I started mine with “I Detachable….” You can reach happy compromises on so many things.
Good luck and big love!
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I wonder if you could have a civil ceremony, attended by a sympathetic religious person who would read a blessing? I gather some denominations are far more pro-same sex marriage than others. (Disclaimer: I’m an agnostic, a non-churchgoer, rabidly in favour of marriage equality but in no hurry to do it myself.)
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That would probably be possible, but I want my marriage to be recognised by my church – not by a sympathetic individual, but by my church, officially – as well as my (one of my) country/ies. Because (and I apologise to anyone who doesn’t want such religious language) I know that God approves of my relationship and blesses my commitment to my partner, but the church is a part of my life and my community, and just as I need my country to recognise that commitment legally, I need this community that I am so much a part of to also acknowledge that I am not complete without my partner; that she makes me able to be the person that I am, that God has chosen well – has chosen perfectly – in the person that God has guided me to.
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Fair enough
BTW no need to apologise for using religious language when talking about yourself; I have no problem with people believing whatever they like as long as long as they don’t force it upon me.
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On the flip side, when you’ve carefully selected friends to invite to your small wedding based on (what you thought) was a longstanding friendship, and they then ummm and ahh about whether they might be able to make it, it is quite hurtful. This is currently my experience. I based my list on people who I have a great history with, know well (or so I thought) and envisage a continuation of the friendship with, it is a little upsetting to think that they can’t see the sentiment that you’ve invited them.
I get not everyone is into my wedding, but a genuine accept or decline would be appreciated without telling me about all the reasons why you wouldn’t be able to ‘fit it in’
Not sure if this is the most appropriate forum to vent but I’m glad it’s off my chest!
Not sure
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I’m glad it’s off your chest, it doesn’t sound nice at all. Wishing you an absolutely wonderful wedding xo
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I’m a bridesmaid for my friend at her wedding in May and her future MIL thought her invitations weren’t “formal” enough so had her own printed to send to “her” guests (family etc). Ironically, I think the last laugh was on the bride, as her amazingly creative and gorgeous invites have been lost by Australia Post!!!
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Arghhh that would have made me irate….That is an indicator for the MIL’s behaviour in future disagreements -
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Makes me wonder if the MIL stole them out of her letterbox – poor thing!
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We had 65 at our wedding. My husband and I knew all the guests personally. I didn’t want to be introducing him to people for the first time at our wedding that we paid for ourselves. (he had only moved to Australia with me a couple of years before). Included in the guest list were about 4 couples which were friends of my parents. Aside from immediate family from both sides, all the rest of the guests were friends of ours.
Having said that though, I completely understand that in some families/cultures, you cannot escape needing to invite fourth-cousins-twice-removed and your fathers-secretary’s-daughter-in-law… .without seriously pissing off your own parents and in-laws.
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Im not yet married, but always said there will not be anyone BOTH of us has not met – the key questions is : would you stop and have a chat if you passed in the street?
We turned down a wedding invitation before christmas for my partners cousin, we have only seen him twice in the last 10 years and neither of had met his wife-to-be. They wont be coming to ours and I didn’t really feel comfortable going to theirs.
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Totally agree. I remember going to a wedding years ago as someone’s date. He wasn’t a boyfriend, just a friend of mine but everyone going to that wedding was taking a date. I felt so awkward being introduced to the bride and groom when they arrived at their reception.
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I think if your parents are coughing up for the wedding it kind of entitles them to invite some of their mates that may not be close friends of yours. They should be well known to the bridal couple though. Our rule was no rellies we hadn’t seen or heard from in a year. If they hadn’t been in touch to congratulate us on our engagement then no invite. Those people were probably relieved to not be invited. I think its a mistake to assume everyone is dying to go to your wedding. Although I’d have killed to have been at William & Catherine’s.
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And I think same applies for Christenings. I have been to so many OTT Christenings for babies I had never even seen before the actual day. With after parties on par with a wedding reception. If they are a close friend or family member I will know the baby and want to be there. But I think people are mistaken if they think every extended family member and distant friend they invite wants to attend their babies Christening. Sometimes it just represents a long day and an unwelcome expense.
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Well said Lu. Although we just held a christening and unfortunately ended up offending people by not inviting certain relos that we didn’t really even know. crazy but unfortunate
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I just find the etiquette of inviting people you barely know to a Christening/wedding bizarre. We had my son’s wedding a couple of Sundays ago. About 20 close friends came to the church and then to a BBQ brunch at our place afterwards. Perfect morning and my little man was happy to go to any of the guests for a cuddle because he knew them all.
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I think its bizarre too, but I think its quite typical in some cultures. Its quite generous to host people you hardly know! Years ago I was invited to my hairdressers wedding. She was Italian and I think its normal for Italians to invite lots of people from all areas of their life. I had only been going to her for about 12 months but she had 2 tables of her clients plus their partners. There were about 600 hundred people there in total. As anyone who has ever been to an Italian wedding will tell you, it was amazing and I have never seen so much food in my life! Only bad thing about Italian weddings is the champagne, its dreadful
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I agree… our parents paid for most of the wedding so we found it hard to cull their guest list…(although after a big fight i did draw the line at the annoying builder who is a friend of a friend who renovated our apartment 5 years ago!!) There were random relatives there that my MIL hadn’t seen in about 10 years… turns out my wedding was a family reunion in disguise!
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Weddings being ‘all about the couple’ is quite a new thing. Traditionally marriage is a union of families. The idea that the bride and groom should have a close relationship with all the guests would surprise our great grandparents.
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If I hadn’t worn a bridal dress on my wedding I’m quite sure most of the guests wouldn’t have known who I was. My mother in law had quite a field day with invitations
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We got married last year and had 110 guests. Each and everyone was a much loved friend or family member chosen specifically by hubby and I. We insisted on paying for our wedding ourselves and therefore everything we did was our choice, and we didn’t have to give in to any of parent’s requests. It was perfect for everyone including our parents as I think they could relax more and enjoy the day as guests rather than hosts.
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This is so funny that this article popped across twitter at this moment as I was just writting some content for a proposed wedding & events company I am looking at starting and had just written…..So forget all the hoopla and everything you have ever been told about what you MUST do at a wedding and think about exactly what you want.
I have been organising weddings for years, in a professional sense, as a friend, bridesmaid & then my own and it scares me how much pressure and expectation people let others put on them during this time which is just one day and is supposed to be a celebration.
So grab your fiance, your favourite bottle of wine and sit down and have a good old chat about what you both want & then keep a united face. Remember the old saying KISS – Keep It Simple Stupid. And above all HAVE FUN!
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And re the pictures – poor ole Charlene looks miserable as always. And the PM looks stunning! Chelsea looks tacky as hell, should fit in perfectly with the in-laws!
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I didnt want to invite any young children to our wedding. Reason being the only young children I knew at the time were my future nieces and nephews who werent very well behaved. And as it was a night time wedding I am of the mindset that little kids should be at home in bed, not being dragged along in their prams to night time functions. Unfortunately my BIL is of the mindset that if his children arent invited he doesnt go either. So I was ‘duly told’ to rethink my original plans and include the kids. So I did and then got to witness my nephew run wild and knock vases over and poor SIL and MIL try to nurse and console very tired and unhappy toddlers all night. While BIL had a great night drinking and ignored his much adored kids who had to be there.
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He sounds like a charmer! I agree & the people who look after the kids at the ‘party’ should get the say on whether the kids go (if invited at all & they really shouldn’t be) Not fair on kids or adults. Or the days after that SIL will have to pay for her night out with (still) over tired toddlers!.
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My husband and I lived and got married in Sydney but the majority of our family was in WA. We had to invite some random 3rd cousins we had never heard of…because “they would be sooo offended if we didn’t invite them”. Turns out they lived around the corner from us in Bondi. I basically then said “well im offended they have known we have been alone in Sydney living in the same suburb for 5 years and never invited me over”…. then they came to the wedding and we never heard from them again
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God I hate that!
My cousin, who lives in Brisbane is often in Sydney on business and has never once dropped in on my parents for a drink or even rung them up to see if they want to meet up. On the otherhand if we even mention we might go to the Gold Coast for a quick holiday his mum puts enormous pressure on me to drive up to Brisbane to see her and gets really annoyed if we dont have time. Last time she rang me via our holiday apartment reception to check what day I was going to visit.
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Oh btw I loved this pic that was circulating after the royal wedding -
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I loved it too, until I realised it had been photoshopped. Sorry to be a party pooper, they aren’t the original colours of the cartoons
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I don’t shop in high-end boutiques or anything, but I have never seen coats in Australia of the same ilk as those on display on the women in the gallery. I love them – so elegant and classy.
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Brad and I had a rule at our 2006 wedding: Exceptional circumstances aside (like overseas best friends etc) – if the guest wouldn’t recognise one of us walking down the street – they ain’t coming to the wedding.
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WHERE can i find the interview online!?
x
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We’ve been searching for it. As soon as we find it we will add it to the post
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In the culture that I come from it is not uncommon to invite anyone and everyone to a wedding, (e.g. that lady who you haven’t seen in 10 years and who invited you to her daughter’s wedding must be invited along with her whole family etc!)
Luckily for me my sister had her wedding first and had to deal with all those randoms! Plus her husband is Italian and his side was MASSIVE too! I think they had over 400 at their wedding…we had 120! I was so happy not to have to deal with randoms! I knew pretty much everyone at my wedding, give or take a few people. My sister on the other hand, I remember at her wedding saying “who’s that?” to a lot of people!
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This isn’t new news. All this info was out at the time of the wedding last year.
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my cousin experienced some guest-angst. small country town + large family = about 300 or so guests, only about half of whom she knew directly – a lot of them were partners of her now-husband’s mates she hadn’t met, cos they were living elsewhere when they got engaged. there were some cranky moments when she was writing out the invitations, but other than that it didn’t seem too big a deal. she seemed more miffed about having to provide eats and drinks for complete strangers than being sad about it, which is understandable!
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Good on Grandma. That’s why we love our Queen, nowadays more than ever
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I was a bridesmaid in a wedding where the MiL told the bride her dress wasn’t ‘wedding-y’ enough and BOUGHT HER A REPLACEMENT.
That was in 2006, I’m still getting over it.
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Once I showed the (silk, designer, wedding-appropriate) dress I was planning to wear to the bride-to-be (at her request). She eyed it suspiciously and then bought me a new dress to wear to the wedding, saying it was “more appropriate” (aka less flattering). And I wasn’t the only guest she did this for!
I wore the dress and went to the wedding, but stopped returning her calls soon after …
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I’ve never heard of guests showing the bride their dress before the wedding!! I am familiar with guests asking what the colour scheme is so they don’t show up in the same thing or clash, but actually having to show the bride your outfit… Oh dear!
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Yeah, my MIL kept telling me how “plain” my dress was, and then proceeded to get her dress made off the design of a wedding dress – in “champagne, not white”.
It was white.
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Argh this is something i have been thinking about a lot, because my man and I are planning to have a quickie wedding by the end of the year.
Part of the appeal is if its a quickie, people wont be expecting a lavish ceremony and reception, nor will they expect an extensive list of guests.
I know my MIL will hate it, but our rebuttle is already set ‘if you want a big wedding, you pay for it’. Hopefully that will be the end of the conversation
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What if she calls your bluff?
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She can invite whomever she likes if we arent footing the bill.
I think im safe though, shes tighter than a fishes a** at the best of times
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Elope, elope, elope!
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Gosh, I just loved Kate’s dress. Simply amazing !
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I love Kate and Wills!
I’m too lazy to go into a story of how I wasn’t invited to one of Mr W’s couple friends weddings once. It was a cold war stand off.
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Oh come on, do tell!
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Well these friends of his I didn’t really like them and stubbornly refused to try and get along with them (I realise now this was a mistake and that they actually aren’t that bad), but when they got married, they were concerned about money and were limiting the guest list and Mr W said to them (because he knew I didn’t want to go) that they could just not invite me, and that he was sure I’d understand…He didn’t tell me he’d said that (I think because he had assumed they would just invite me)…
ANYWAY, they told him before they sent the invites that they weren’t inviting me to “keep costs down”. The same couple who, for their engagement party invited “Mr W and partner” (when we had been going out for about two years then and they knew damn well who I was). They had their wedding on a Friday too so they could have just invited me knowing that I would make up a work excuse not to go. I felt it was just plain rude and they knew that I would have come up with any sort of reason not to go, so they should have done the polite thing and invited me!
All water under the bridge now !
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I wasn’t invited to my brother in law’s wedding – even though I had been living with my now husband for five years as MIL didn’t recognise our relationship.
Still getting over that one too.
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Omg! That is so much worse, did she not recognize you because you werent yet married or something?!
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Sorry don’t mean to sound harsh but if you “stubbornly refused to try and get along with them” why should they invite you?. I’m currently planning my wedding and if there was someone that wasn’t making an effort, I wouldn’t be inviting them either. The engagment invitation though, that’s wrong.
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Well, i would never dream of not inviting a friends partner/wife/husband, especially if they’d been together for awhile, even I didn’t like them…i hated with a passion my best friends boyfriend, but I would definitely still have invited him to my wedding if I were having one and if they were still together. I think sometimes there are people who you are obligated to invite. Ignoring one half of a long term relationship is really rude in my books. I also cannot stand Mr W’s grandmother but she would obviously have to be invited!
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Can you really not see how unreasonable that it is??? It’s THEIR wedding, you never made an effort to be nice to them, they are trying to keep costs down why on earth would they invite you? It’s their wedding – about them not you!
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But as they said they were worried about money and if they had invited you they would probably (by the sounds of it) have to have cut someone else (that actually likes them) from the list.
Plus your BF said it was okay not to invite you, so I really don’t see how they were rude. I bet they would have if he didn’t say anything.
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Oh and I might just add, when I saw them I was always friendly and polite to them, I just tried to often have something else on when they invited Mr W and I to places because I didn’t really like them. So there was no open hostility there at all.
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To be honest kettle, you’re probably right (I can’t reply to your post below), I care much less now than I did then. Probably, I’m thinking back to how I felt at the time and looking at it from my perspective in that if & when Mr W and I get married, I will be dirty that I have to pay for them to come to my wedding because there is absolutely no way they won’t be invited!
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At my cousin’s wedding in 1992 (yeah, I’m still bitter!) there was a group photo of all of the relatives and partners on my cousin’s side of the family. We have a huge family, by the way. I’d been with my boyfriend for two and a half years by then. While we were lining up for the photo, my relatives beckoned to my boyfriend to join the photo. He initially resisted, then joined in. The mother of the bride came up to us, before the picture was taken, and shouted at him, “GET OUT OF MY PHOTO!”
I was so shocked, so was everyone else there. My boyfriend sidled out of the photo, my other relatives grumbled at the mother of the bride, and the photo taken has me looking like a stunned mullet.
Meanwhile, I married my boyfriend (22 years together now, 15 years married), and my cousin has been married several more times since (not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it the Mother of the Bride’s attitude pissed me off momumentally).
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I think I’m going to start using the turn of phrase “duly told” in conversation.
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Great, isn’t it!