Catriona
When was the last time you asked someone if they had children? I’m asked this question at least once a week. Yesterday I was asked three times.
I was presenting on my area of expertise – PR and social media – to a group of very successful CEOs. One asked “How do you have time to do social media?” Before I could answer, another asked “Do you have children?” It wasn’t a casual conversation between a group of friends – I was presenting a professional seminar.
My answer: No
His response: Well that is why you have time to do social media.
I let the comment go, but by the end of the seminar I was so annoyed by that dismissive comment, I let him know how annoyed I was.
But it made me wonder about a few things.
Do people with children really think that I have more time than them? I’m not a sitting on the couch watching TV kind of girl. Come and spend a day in my life. There isn’t much couch time.
Last week I was sitting with a group of women artists who were talking about how they have suffered because male artists don’t tend do the child rearing so have more opportunity to do their art and have “dreaming” time, and hanging out with their “muses”.
One very observant woman in the room could see I was starting to think it was probably time to go home. This conversation no longer included me. She said “And don’t forget the women like Catriona who run companies, they are trying to find time to do their art as well.” Yes we are.
If I was a man would I be asked if I have children? I would suggest no, or at least not as much.
I did a quick poll of my friends, some of whom have children, others who don’t. The only ones that responded are women who don’t have children. They are asked at least once a week if they have children.
I’m not sure what this means. Do the ones who do have children not notice if they are asked because it is such a part of their lives? I’m not sure. I do know the only people who ask me if I have children, are people with children.
When I’m asked the question, at times it makes me feel like I’m not a part of your club. I’m an outsider. I don’t have that one thing in common with you. During a time in my life being asked this question brought up profound sadness for me. Mostly now, I have no attachment to the answer. It’s simply, no.
Next time you ask “Do you have children?” Maybe think twice. Don’t assume we do. And don’t assume we have more time in our lives, because often we don’t.
There are so many other questions you could ask to get to know someone better.
Catriona runs her own PR and social media agency, CP Communications,. In her spare time, she enjoys sleeping. Find her on Twitter here.
What questions do you ask to get to know someone better?
Comments
384 Comments so far
I’m 26 and won’t be having kids. At my age or in my circles no one really asks if you have kids as a conversation topic. I’m dreading getting to the age when the question starts to be asked as a typical thing when you meet someone. It’s not a huge deal, I get it’s a conversation starter. I would ask it myself. I’m just not sure yet on how I will respond to the follow up question of ‘why not’ that will be inevitable from some.
For those who don’t have kids what is a bright, positive, no offence given or taken way of saying ‘no I don’t’ that closes further discussion in that area but leaves you not looking somehow deficient as a person. How can you pack in ‘I have a full exciting wonderful life full of love but not kids let’s move on’ into a pithy fun inoffensive statement?
It’s starting already for me in some ways. I am dating an older guy with no kids (who also doesn’t want them) but I haven’t told many people I’m not having kids. So everyone wants to know why he doesn’t have them, will he have them, what will I do. I just want the whole issue to go away. I don’t want to explain to anyone, it’s a long and complex answer I wont have kids. And yes, you can say ‘none of your business’ but that is kind of rude to people who are very close to you.
I agree that childfree/less/whatever people can have extremely full and busy lives. My sticking point is not that you are less or more time, but that your obligation runs deeper with children. I won’t be one of those childless busy people pretending I am just as busy as a parent. Time wise yes, maybe, but the difference is I can always walk away from my obligations. Change jobs, sell the company whatever. You can rarely walk away from a child.
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I was at a function the other day, where the speaker asked the all female audience to raise their hands to indicate who has children. I immediately felt like a second class citizen, particularly when she followed the comment with “those of you who have them know how especially busy you are”.
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That’s awful! I know this isn’t at the same level as the busy with kids thing but I recently started post-grad study and time is a big thing. Most people work quite a bit, even full time, and study at the same time. A lot of talk revolves around how you balance your work obligations with study. I have the luxury of barely working at all and focusing fully on study. I felt left out a bit, somehow deficient.
I imagine this is a taste of how it will be career wise. Just like the person at uni saying ‘god how hard is it to do this essay I’m so busy with work!’ and me going…actually not really for me….I can see myself being at work and being able to stay back, wanting to stay back, and not fitting in with the discussions of balancing, other places to be etc. I feel defensive about my luxury of time. Small problem to have sure, but I do feel awkward and I know it’s going to be like this in the workplace too.
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I always get asked this question any time I get my hair cut or a massage etc. Maybe its the other person just trying to break the ice and make conversation. But it tends to me me feel less of a person at times when I say No and the other person just goes ‘mhmmmm’.
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All those parents in the comments saying “you don’t know what busy is until you’ve had kids”, if you were really so insanely busy, you wouldn’t have time to write lengthy replies to a blog post. Really busy people (a breed I do not belong to) are so thrilled to free time that they do something good with it, instead of frittering away their precious minutes online.
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Not to get into the busy argument but I do disagree that posting online means you aren’t busy. I might only have twenty minutes between when the kids go to bed and when I start tidying up etc but I spend it online. At the moment I’m breastfeeding and in the middle of the night I read news sites and MM and might post responses. My time ont he train to work is spent doing the same. I think its more a sign that people cram online media into those five and ten minute gaps in the day waiting for a meeting to start or catching a train or whatever. Whether that’s a good thing or not I don’t know.
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It’s called trying to find common ground, that’s all. If you’re a woman of a certain age, chances are you have kids and, if you do, the following questions will ensue: how many, girls/boys, how old, what school. You respond in kind and have established a rapport. Brutal as it is, majority rules I’m afraid.
For the record, I get comments about my lean frame all the time (wow, you’re so skinny; what’s your secret, skinny bitch; come on, eat up, you’re all bones; you’re cold because you have no meat on you, etc etc) and, yup, I get hung up on it too (no-one would make remarks like that to an overweight person etc).
Everyone’s got their own ‘thing’. Have a rant, sure, but don’t expect the world to change for you!
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My Husband and I have decided we don’t want children.. We don’t like them, it’s as simple as that. That said I love my neices and nephews, that’s enough for us. People always ask and its beyond annoying, like it’s really their business.
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‘Next time you ask “Do you have children?” Maybe think twice. Don’t assume we do.’ Well, I’m just putting out there, people DON’T assume, that’s why they might ask…
Like someone else said below, reading articles like makes me think I should just hole up and not speak to new people anymore. I’m bound to piss everyone off.
Do you have kids? – that will definitely annoy people who don’t have kids
Where do you work? – that might make stay-at-home-parents feel like they haven’t ‘got it together’ because they aren’t doing both
Do you play sport? – that will of course offend people who aren’t into exercise. We might be suggesting they SHOULD play sport. Argh!
Are you planning any holidays? – dammit, so many people cannot afford holidays, they don’t need to be reminded.
Where did you go to Uni? – crap! he/she didn’t go to Uni and now he/she might think that I think they are uneducated.
Are you married? – 100% guaranteed to piss a lot of single people off.
How do you want your steak done? – Meat! I am a vegetarian!
Where do you live? – what does it matter where I live?! If I tell you, you will judge me according to what amount of money you think I have.
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Ha! Where DO you live – I want to be your friend!
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Oh! Actually, all my tenses are mixed up in that post! The bit about ‘where do you live’ isn’t actually referring to me
I just meant that people could be judged on how much money they have (lots or less) depending on where they live.
And for the record, we still rent! So don’t anyone ask me if we own a big gorgeous house – I will take great offense! Joke, joke, geddit?
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Don’t worry – I understood
your comment just resonated with me! I guess people, at different times and according to what they’re going through in their lives, can be hurt or offended by comments or questions where no offense was intended. And how we can end up tying ourselves in knots and editing everything that comes out of our mouths lest we are the ones causing the upset!…
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Oh good, glad you understood! You are so right though. Everyone goes through stages in their life where they will feel sensitive to certain questions/topics. Articles like this make me think it is damn near impossible to chat to anyone these days without upsetting them.
I’m a sensitive soul myself, so I would be mortified to think that I would offend people with asking simple questions.
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Love, love, love this response, that was my thought exactly, they don’t assume, which is why they asked!
If you don’t have kids, why not reply:
“no, do you? Or
“No, which is good because I’m about to go to Africa/become a partner at work/cure cancer…” or
“No. What do you think of that last speaker/the food…”
Having dealt with infertility, I think the question is ok, people have to say something to have a conversation. Going on about kids maybe not, but asking the question in a way that you can move the conversation on if you want to, fair enough.
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So true, we’ll all start being mute…
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Cordeline. I love you baby.
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Back at you ladybird
I’m starting to get heavy-chested with arguments and debates like this. I’m a people-person, I love human interaction and contact, but I’m starting to be too farking scared to talk to anyone anymore. I’ll either upset them by asking an inappropriate question or piss them off by having a little whine about a complication in my life.
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I’m seriously starting to hate these articles! Are we not meant to ask people anything anymore!!
Rant over
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Wow, how hurtful. Did you not read this part “During a time in my life being asked this question brought up profound sadness for me”…. whatever you think of the “asking questions” post, your comment about “have a few children” was uncalled for.
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Indeed. But she’s got 16 people who agree with her at this point, so we can assume that all 17 of them missed the bit where Catriona mentioned that part of her life, or that they just didn’t care.
Sad,really.
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But most people in life have gone through stages where things cause them profound sadness… the rest of the world asking a harmless question are not to know that though.
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That’s not the point I was making. GG read the article and yet s/he still said ‘re write this when you have a few children.’ Catriona isn’t having children. Of course, if GG and the people who liked her post had read the article, they’d have known that.
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Ha ha ha she won’t be able to rewrite it if she has kids, she won’t have time…….ha ha ha
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Maybe she can’t “have a few children” – which makes you a truly insensitive tool
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How are you today? Lovely day isnt it? Are you married? Do you have kids? This is called getting to know someone, being polite, making conversation, taking an interest in their life. I have never asked anyone these questions with the intention of being condescending, to be honest after the recent run of articles on here about what to say/what not to say I am becoming terrified of speaking lest I offend someone …
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How about we all just stop asking questions all together so as to avoid offending anyone. Seriously, besides “how are you?” most questions to people we’ve just met are fraught with offense inducing insinuations. What do you do? Do you have kids? Where do you live? … um, how are we meant to communicate and establish relationships with each other.
No, let’s just resort to self statements a la facebook, much less offense-inducing, but symptomatic of a very insular egocentric world.
Spend time in any collectivist community-based culture and personal questions are rife and confronting, but that’s how people connect and share.
If you perceive judgement from a question, challenge it. Communicate! We need it.
Any hoo…. that’s my rant done with for the day.
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I’m really confused by the comment from the CEO… you’re doing a presentation in your area of expertise (which includes social media) and he says you must have time for social media because you don’t have kids? Um…. no…. you have time for it because it’s your job.
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Well I am a mum and I am tired of the question are you having any more? Um no I’m happy with the two I have (boy and girl) and oh is it any of their business
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I get the “are you having anymore” question. But I was asked that almost immediately after I had my youngest son. Give me time to enjoy the ones I have!
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Luckily, these questions go away once you get older and the kids get bigger.
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Try getting asked that question and replying with “no, but I have three stepkids”. Watch the reactions roll! They are all along the lines of “you couldn’t possibly imagine what us real mums go through.”
Yawn. And for the record, I get asked if I have kids about three times a day at work! Double yawn!
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I just don’t get people who are so hung up about their parental status that they take everything as a judgment or condemnation. And that applies to both sides.
Personally, if someone tells me they don’t have kids (and no, I don’t ask, cos I’m not interested) my response is generally: smart girl
Everyone can be as busy as they like. However, there is busy and there is busy. You can be busy saving lives in an emergency ward or you can be busy baking cakes for the school fete. You can even be busy spending hours on websites like this justifying your hectic life.
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LOL. Indeed.
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And let us not forget the “How many kids do you have?” question because let me tell you, in my experience one child does not count..I may as well say none, which is actually easier, cause judgement about having one child is pretty extreme, to some an only child is paramount to child abuse. People need to get real and not be so nosy.
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OMG, I so agree with this. I desperately wanted more children but it wasn’t to be. At one stage in my life it was all I could do to not say “because I bloody can’t you stupid cow” to the people that were badgering me. And it wasn’t just gentle questioning that I’m talking about – it was the talk about how selfish I was, how I was denying my only child happiness etc, etc. Even if you have 1 child by choice, that is OK and is nobodies business but your own.
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Tell me about it! I have a 4 year old and my second child died during the birth.
I get asked every single day “Oh, is she your only child?” and when I get really mad I say “No, I had another baby that died” and that shuts people up.
Although most of the time I am polite. I have to remind myself that people don’t know that I have had 2 miscarriages, a stillborn baby, suffered infertility and spent the last 4 years of my life desperately trying to fall pregnant or stay pregnant. They are just trying to be polite and have a conversation.. I actually feel sorry for the people that caught me on a bad day!
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I don’t think parents have a monopoly on becoming one dimensional people.
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Thanks Catriona, love this post and I can relate.
My issue with the question is that if I’m not as busy then what I do is not as important. I run my own company, have a busy social life, exercise etc etc but the reality is that I’m not as busy as my friends are and I’m not ashamed to admit this. What frustrates me is that some people genuinely think that my life is more superficial just because I have time to get my nails done on a Saturday morning and I can sleep in on Sunday. Quite frankly I would love my situation to be different but at the moment it is what it is. The assumption that busy equals important is what I have an issue with. That and the fact that I can never be nearly as tired as those who have children. Apparently being childless means that I don’t ever get tired either. Even though I don’t have children keeping me awake at night it doesn’t mean I sleep soundly either.
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I am so glad for this post Catriona.
I work with children and families and it has become a routine part of my life to be asked this question over and over at work. At times I am hesitant to say ‘no’ as then I get the look of “well, you’d never understand then”. It’s not just at work either, it’s at the beauticians, the doctors, the physio, the hairdresser and on and on.
I don’t mind people thinking I have more time on my hands than them, I probably do, but I do mind people making assumptions about me based on my answer of ‘no’ or taking it as a cue to ask me about my marital status and delving into other areas of my personal life to find out exactly why I don’t have children.
Most times, I just smile politely and say ‘no’ but to be honest what I want to say really is “why is that relevant to our conversation?”.
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You don’t have to have had a heart attack to be a good cardiologist.
You may find that line useful, of course you can be excellent at your job working with kids without having any of your own,
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I don’t think you are more busy necessarily after having kids. I was definitely busier when I was single corporate girl than I am now with 2 kids. I just do lots of different stuff and more washing than a single girl would care now, but I’m not busier. However I think it would be annoying to be asked if you have kids all the time, but I think it’s more a reflection of your successful business, as people are just interested to know more about you. I sat at a desk job for years and no one ever asked me. Btw, your life sounds great and reminds me I need to get a few hobbies.
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I hate to say it, but the level of busy you are as a parent is a totally different level to the busy you are as a single person. I was busy before I had kids. I worked night shifts, day shifts, double shifts. But I got to go home and sleep in a house that didnt have duplo strewn from one end to the other, seven loads of vomit covered washing and two hungry boys to feed.
I remember being very indignant in my early 20s when my aunt (who had three small children) teased me for being able to sleep in. I’m a busy person, I thought, I deserve it. And I did. But I had no idea what busy was until I had children.
No it is not a competition, but the author should stop taking offense to these comments (as inappropriately timed as they may be). Having time on your hands is not a crime.
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maybe it’s not about the ‘busy’ maybe it’s about the ‘love’ that’s attached to the ‘busy’?
Busy means you have lots to do. It does not mean you have lots of IMPORTANT stuff to do.
loving your children and wanting to do the best for them is an amazing energy from which to drive yourself and your world. It’s both a blessing and a burden. One that should be celebrated, but not to the detriment of others.
It sounds like Catriona isn’t so much talking about the question, as the distinction that people attach to the answer.
We all have a question in our lives that sparks the not-so-confident part of ourselves. Weight, age, children….some common ones.
I don’t have kids, so I will not pretend to know what it’s like. But i am a person and I do know what it’s like to have a day or a week or a month where people seem to be attaching a feeling or expectation to you that doesn’t sit right.
Catriona – sounds like you’re doing pretty darn great with life in general. Kids or not
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I think you and many other people have missed the point. I also don’t think anyone else here has the right to tell someone else what they should or shouldn’t take offence to. If Catriona has seen fit to write a piece on this and post it for the Mamamia audience, I’d say she’s given the matter some thought.
Blimey, if we’re not all telling each other not to judge, we’re telling each other that we shouldn’t take offence. Why is it that so many people think it’s okay to tell you that what we’re feeling is wrong?
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I’m not telling her that what she is feeling is wrong, far from it. I just don’t want people without children to feel the need to justify how busy they are, like I did. I look back on my single life and think fondly of the sleep-ins and the solo dinners when I could cook (or not) whatever the hell I wanted. Of course she has no idea how busy it is with kids – who does until they have them?
Instead of being offended she should turn around and grin and say “Yeah and I bet you’re jealous!”
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Well said!
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I agree completely. And I am feeling a little judgement here, I’ll be honest. I run a busy company too. And I have a 1 year old. I used to work 12-16hr days, at LEAST 5 days a week, plus have a busy social life. No time to myself whatsoever, I thought. And then I had a child. You don’t understand the level of busy you’ll be with kids until you actually have kids, so I do get a little narky at people without kids, like certain family members of mine, who play the “Yeah, well, I’m busy too.” card.
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Oh, for crying out loud. “You don’t understand the level of busy you’ll have until you actually have kids.”
What if we don’t have kids, anon? What if we can’t? What if we don’t want to? What if we don’t really care that you have kids and that you’re really busy? You chose that life, and I’m happy that you’re happy. But I’m getting sick to death of the ‘we’re so busy you couldn’t possibly understand card’. You know what? I don’t really care.
I think some people here need to get off their crosses.
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Exactly. If a person chooses to have children, they choose the extra commitments, lack of sleep and all that with it. So don’t whinge and or brag about it, it just comes across as jealously of our Sunday morning sleep ins or ability to go out to dinner in the spur of the moment (neither of which I do because I’m too busy, but I ain’t even gonna go there!).
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I love that numerous people commented on what not to ask a new mum and there was hundreds of suggestions, however when people who are child free have one question we’d prefer you not to ask everyone thinks we’re sensitive!!! Seriously double standards!
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I think what I’m gathering from your comment is that, as a person you are busier now than when you were single. Why should that surprise anyone? If I were to have children, I would be busier than I am now, because I’d be wanting to maintain at least part of my current lifestyle PLUS all the new stuff that comes with children.
What I might NOT be is busier than another person who has a totally different lifestyle, with or without children. You can’t compare an apple with an orange.
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For those people making grumpy comments I think what Catriona is saying is : it’s not so much the question “do you have kids? ” but the intent behind it.
“Do you have kids?”
” No”
“Oh we’ll you don’t know what you are talking about then”
It’s funny that quite a few of the comments are proving her point.
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Reading through some of these comments, it takes me back to the post about not asking new mothers certain questions for fear of insulting them.
Parents, mothers AND fathers, put themselves a grade higher than single people. “We are SO busy, helping with homework, taking our kids to their extra curricular activities! We are so selfless, you single people are selfish and think of yourselves” No, we don’t. Some of us care for elderly parents, or disabled siblings/partners. Some of us prefer to work. Not having kids makes us no more selfish/selfless than you.
I work full time, I am gone for 12 hours a day. I help my partner with his homework he gets from TAFE when I get home. And you know what? I LOVE it. I don’t want kids. I want to be with my partner. It doesn’t make me selfish, or less busy. It is simply a different way to spend my time doing things.
I can see I’ll cop it for this comment, but I still believe parents need to stop thinking they are superior than single people because they have kids. We are in the same boat.
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I don’t feel superior for having children. I feel disadvantaged. I run three businesses and work full time as my dead beat ex ran off and doesn’t provide child support. Busy? Yes – the type you cant control. I get asked all the time if I have kids. It is to see if I can handle clients work as well as a single person. Again, do I feel SUPERIOR? What a ridiculous comment. I FEEL DISADVANTAGED.
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I have to agree with this completely. I don’t think I’m superior at all. Sometimes, I’m hesitant to answer “yes” to the kids question, because I don’t think people will take me seriously anymore as a working mother. Superior? Hell no.
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I don’t think parents think they are superior than anyone else. Sure, some people might (but there are also heaps of non-parents who think they are superior beings as well), but you have used a very generalised statement there about parents and I think it’s incredibly incorrect.
As a matter of fact, I sometimes feel INFERIOR since becoming a parent. I don’t have the capacity (brain, physical, time, patience) to do most of things I used to do. It can leave me feeling low that I can’t ‘do it all’. And I often feel like I’m missing out things in life. That sure as hell doesn’t make me feel superior to people how are not parents! I’m sure I am not alone either.
Life is just different, in many ways once you become a parent. You have challenges and obstacles that you have never had to consider before. It’s a simple fact.
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I think it was probably an inappropriate forum to ask the question, but you can take offense or not as you choose.
I went to a doctor the other day about a strained muscle in my abdomen. As he was checking it out, he said “you have kids right?” Yes, says I, three, why? “Oh I can tell from all your stretch marks”.
Now there’s an opportunity to take offense! I haven’t had such a good laugh for ages, and he was completely oblivious that I might find the comment upsetting – he was just commenting on a fact.
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Good work, Kerryn, you’re so right.
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I don’t mind at all being asked if I have kids or not. It is one of the easiest ways to ‘connect’ with a stranger in a social setting, along with recipes, pets and iphone apps. So many subjects are considered off limits today, such as religion, politics, sexual orientation … almost anything that’s interesting, I think!
The real deal breaker is if they are sufficiently insensitive to follow it up with ‘WHY don’t you have kids?’ Now that’s tiresome, even if you are childless by choice. The expectation that you should somehow explain this social ‘failing’ to complete strangers is just a little bit offensive IMO.
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I don’t mind being asked if I have I children. I enjoy seeing the look of horror on the person’s face when I say hell no.
It’s an ice breaker!
The convo usually then flows on as to why I don’t want them (never have), have I ever wanted them (no), does my husband want them (he has 2 grown children and cannot (yay) have anymore). I then go on to explain what a fabulous and cool Aunt & Great-Aunt I am.
And then the convo turns into something else more interesting.
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Whhyyyyyyyyyy has being busy become such a bloody competition??
(This is not directed at you Catriona, more a general observation I’ve made lately).
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Before kids I ran a company and thought I didn’t have much couch time either. I really believed I was busy. But let me tell you this – then I had 2 kids and still run a company and there’s a MAJOR difference of “spare” time. If you have kids then you’ll be pretty embarrassed about this article me thinks!!
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AGREED 100%
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How rude and condescending was that comment.
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See my comment above about why you might be feeling a bit busier now than you were pre-children…
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Yep, I agree completely! What’s spare time?
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Better than being asked how many grand kids you have Catriona…. I suppose
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So take it as a compliment next time you are asked!
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I’m 27 and have never been asked if I have kids… Perhaps that’s because a question that precedes the kids one is ‘Do you have a boyfriend/partner?’ (which I don’t).
Anyway, I don’t have kids. I work full time and on weekends, work my part time job and attend a course (part time study). I also go to the gym 5-6 times a week. Busy as I am, if I need to, I can always call in sick to work, miss a lecture or skip a workout. A parent is a parent 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for the rest of their lives.
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Nicole – you are spot on!
Like you say, I can’t just skip out on my daughter if I don’t feel like it. There’s a lot more juggling of schedules with my husband so we can both do things like go to the gym, things which happened automatically before.
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Thanks Nicole, that’s a great observation. There’s only so much time in a day! The difference between kids or no kids, I think, is not so much about how busy you are – after all, we can only fit so much into 24 hours – but there’s a difference between being busy doing things of your own choice (eg work, study, gym) and being busy doing things for your kids, which don’t leave you with much time for anything else.
I honestly was always very busy before having kids – professional career, lots of social activities, commitments every day of the week – but now I realise how much ‘me’ time I had compared to now. It’s not that I feel superior to people without kids. In fact, I used to wonder why mums and dads complained about not having much time. I don’t think I really believed them. It was a genuine shock when I found that with a baby I just couldn’t achieve as much as I used to during the week. It took a long time to adjust my expectations and let go of the idea that I would read that book or take that work home and do it on a Sunday afternoon.
That doesn’t give parents an excuse to whinge and complain about it (or judge others) – because there are obviously a lot of good things about being a parent that outweigh the lack of ‘me’ time. However I think it’s really hard to understand the crunching of time that happens when you’re a parent until it happens to you.
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I completely agree, and you’ve said it much more eloquently than I was able to!
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So well put, Nicole. It’s nice to see someone understand the sitch!
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All I know is it can be hard work having a childless female boss. Yes I know your pets can’t feed themselves either, but you CAN leave them home alone while at work, and actually, I DO think children and pets are different and shouldn’t be compared, no matter how much you love your horse/dog/cat etc!
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I am so with you on this one. If I was given a dollar each time people have told me their dog is just like having a baby I would be rich. No it’s not. It’s not on any level. AND you will understand this one day if you have kids and will never understand this if you don’t. AND I am not being rude, just truthful.
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When I was pregnant I clearly remember saying “Oh I’ve had cats, it can’t be that much harder” What was I thinking?! LOL
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when did it become an insult to suggest that someone has spare time?
Why are we all so keen to appear busy?
Sure, if you don’t have kids your time gets used elsewhere, if you do have kids, you spend it on them.
Not every parent is engaged in the child rearing of the next Prime Minister or person to cure Cancer….some of these kids will turn out to be tomorrow’s problems.
If you choose to define yourself as a parent, that’s great and i applaud you. If you choose to define yourself as a career woman, that’s great and i applaud you.
if you choose to define yourself as something entirely different, that’s great and i bloody well applaud YOU!
For the love of god though, can we all stop judging one another?
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Love this 100 times. It’s the ‘I’m busier than you, therefore I’m a more worthwhile person than you’ attitude that really grabs me. Whether or not you have kids.
Some of the busiest people I know don’t have time for this game – they’re too busy getting stuff done, like caring for kids, pets, parents, charities – take your pick. No single type of ‘busy’ is any better than any other.
Rant now over – back to work …
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Actually some types of busy-ness are better I think..if you are busy keeping up with what the Kardashians are doing, gossiping with friends and doing endless shopping for your 150th pair of shoes, then I think my time working with children with disabilities is better spent! If you don’t need the money and don’t have to do paid work, there are lots of productive ways to be busy. Judgemental? Yes! No apologies.
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Thank you!
Why does it seem to be a competition over who is the busiest? I read this post and it made me feel shitty that I’m not completely busy all the time, but Candice, your comment has made me snap back to reality.
I work full time, study part time but you know what, this weekend I went to the gym, went out for dinner with friends, cleaned my bathroom and did absolutely nothing else other than watch dvds. It was effing awesome. I love that my weekends are not jam packed rushing here and there.
I’ve lived a life of stress being busy before because that is what I thoguht was society’s expection and the benchmark for success. I ended up with depression because I never felt good enough. These days I take the time out for myself to do nothing. Being busy shouldn’t be a competition.
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Good on you Lauren!!
ps. wow, you managed the clean the bathroom? I usually pretend to be ‘too busy’ to do that!!
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I have heaps of spare time.
I was lying on my couch reading a book on Saturday and I thought “I don’t feel guilty for this at all, because in years to come, I’m probably going to get busier, so I’ll take it while I can thanks very much!”. I’m happy doing “not much”!
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Oh Candice I so agree! Everyone’s journey is different and everyone has different levels of busy with or without children. If you are so caught up competing for the title of busiest person of the year then you are not really living your life either.
I do have kids and I love talking about them, but I also agree that the “do you have kids” question can be a bit senseless at times. Why should it matter so much in the work situation that Catriona pointed out? Would they respect her any more or less if she did have kids and managed to run her company and be so successful in her chosen field? I often wonder what I did with my time before children, and as pointed out above, having children means you are a parent 24/7 as well as doing all those other things you are trying to fit into your day, but it doesn’t make my time anymore important than someone without kids – we just use our time differently:)
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I couldn’t agree more. I find the divide between those who “have” and those who “don’t have” is vast these days. I don’t have children and I find that the perception that we are much more selfish than mothers is hurtful and incorrect. After all, if i am involved in conversations with mothers I feel the need to constantly talk about their kids and cannot bring up my own life in fear I will come across as having only ‘petty’ problems. it’s like they have wiped single life out of their minds and are no longer able to relate. So if its all about them and their kids…..who are the real selfish ones…
(btw, I am not talking about all mothers……)
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Karen, we do talk about our kids alot – mostly cos for alot of us it is such a big part of our daily life! I recently organised a girls night in at my place for a bunch of mum’s from my kids’ school. I didn’t want to spend the whole night talking about our kids and the school, so I organised a game where a question/topic was pulled out of a hat and whoever wanted to answer could. We learned alot about each other that night and the conversation flowed! But eventually we ended up talking about our kids again – we just can’t help it!
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I want to ask why Catriona you dosent have kids ?
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I want to ask where you learnt how to form a basic sentence!
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Sue, sorry I am greek just learning english
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Please don’t apologise, you might make this rude person feel somehow justified.
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How many languages do you speak Sue? I’m assuming you’re fluent in a few and therefore in a position to ridicule other people
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Troll time, anyone?
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I think its a genuine question. Anonymous, I think its because she is unable to have children, and it makes her sad when people ask her about it.
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I think the answer to that question is found quite easily in the following
” During a time in my life being asked this question brought up profound sadness for me. Mostly now, I have no attachment to the answer. It’s simply, no. ”
Some people choose to not have kids, whilst others get the choice made for them. When that happens, you just get on with whatever your Plan B is, which usually involves being incredibly fulfilled by whatever you choose to do with your life. Richness in experiences and life+career choices that you make you equally as busy as people with kids, just in a different way !
Enjoyed your post Catriona, and can totally relate to it. thank you.
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I have to say I found this article a bit precious. The poor author….all those pesky people trying to get to know her by engaging in conversation about her life. I’m tired of people’s willingness to take offence at the drop of a hat.
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I didn’t see this as precious.
The people asking the question weren’t trying to start a conversation, it was in a professional setting and they were using her not having kids as an excuse as to why they didn’t use social media.
I think in that aspect it is highly rude to use not having kids as a reason why you have time to do something that could benefit your business.
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I can’t have children, despite trying for nearly 12 years and suffering multiple miscarriages – am I precious when I not only take offence at people asking me ALL the freaking time whether I have children (which they always do as soon as they find out how long I’ve been married) but I get quite upset because it’s a subject that has caused and still does cause, so much heartache for me?
I get people want to get to know you when they ask the question but it’s the implication that you’re not living a full life or you’re missing out on something when you tell someone that no, you don’t have children. That you’re not as worthy as the women who have squeezed a child out of their womb – which is actually part of the reason the subject is so touchy for me. I feel like a failure because I haven’t managed to do something that supposedly comes so naturally to us women and the looks and comments I get when I tell people that no, despite being married for 12 years, we do not have children, kind of confirm my feelings of failure.
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I hear you
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I’m not defending anyone here, but I guess when each new person asks you what they may feel is a fairly standard or innocent question, they are completely unaware of how many times you’ve had to deal with it before, or find an answer for something which is very hurtful for you. It is perhaps a thoughtless question to ask, but it’s pretty unrealistic to think everyone can think about and be sensitive to every alternative reality to their own. I hope you can heal from your feelings of failure – some things are well beyond our control.
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I agree, inappropriate question in that forum. Seemed to be more about dramatically demonstrating how much ‘spare’ time you have as opposed to a genuine interest in your answer.
In response to the time thing though, I have 4yo twins, work full time and am a single Mum. I feel pretty bloody busy at the moment, but don’t remember feeling unbusy before kids. I often wonder what the hell I did before kids that kept me so busy, I am genuinely curious as I recall still leading a busy life with my career and social activities.
I think life in these times is just busy for all, and people with kids just take it to another level (no insult intended for people without kids, and I will be the first to admint that I had no idea what kids were like before I had them).
I sometimes see debates between parents with kids, whether someone wiith three is way busier than someone with one etc. I always come back to it depends on the person and circumstances, I struggled with twins as babies, find it much easier now but still hard. I have friends who had triplets and never found it hard – I have no doubt it was, but perhaps they didn’t view it as hard work?
Anyway, always interesting to read comments, just don’t like it when we start having goes at each other or at someone for expressing their view.
That is how it is for them, and I am pretty sure they weren’t thinking of you when they wrote how they feel. Always good to hear another view point whether I agree or not!
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I am not a great conversationalist by any means and striking up a conversation is daunting to me but asking someone whether they have kids or what they do for a living were, I thought, safe conversation starters. I don’t think you can imagine what life with a child is like unless you have one and I certainly don’t know what your life is like. Parenting is to a degree a shared experience, all parents have been through some of the same challenges but to suggest that people should A) Just by looking at you know they you don’t have children and B) Know exactly what your busy life entails is a bit arrogant. The issue here is more about the competition between those who have kids and those who don’t. It’s exactly the same as the competition between mothers who work and mothers who stay at home. I have been treated as though I don’t have a brain in my head because I choose to stay at home. I don’t waste time in telling people all they ways they are wrong. People are always going to judge situations they don’t understand and I just choose not let people’s narrow mindedness bother me. I also happen to love social media and get plenty of time on it.
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Re the busyness, I’ve known a SAHM who was the least busy person I know. Because she truly did sit around watching tv all day and neglected her kids, to the point where DOCS got involved.
I’ve also known SAHM’s who work their butts off.
Similarly, some people without kids truly are not busy. Some are. I’d say I’m somewhere in the middle of the spectrum.
In any case, I’d never judge how busy someone may or may not be based on whether or not they have kids – or a job.
And as so many people have already pointed out, it’s not a competition anyway and if it was, who would really want to win?!
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Catriona,
You’re behaving like a typical woman with no kids. You think you have a busy life with your career and after hours activities.
Girl, all I can say is that you don’t know what you don’t know.
You have no idea of how busy men and women are with kids. If it’s not during the week it’s on weekends.
I’m pretty busy, I’m a bloke who works 12 to 14 hours a day and at least 7 hours on Saturdays, I have a good career that’s interesting, stimulating and varied, I travel a lot and do all sorts of things after hours. Yet I still have time for social media interactions.
Except on the weeks when my kids are with me. Every second week I had three kids to parent. That means running around to schools, sporting activities, dancing, and all the other things that kids want to do. Then there’s the homework, reading, washing, cooking, cleaning and other boring day to day stuff that parents do when they have kids.
So I can say with confidence that you don’t know what you are talking about. You have one person to look after, one person to feed, one person to wash for. How often have you have to do year 10 social studies assignments? When was the last time you had to explain differential calculus? All these things take time, and at the end of the day I’m too tired to look at social media.
Then there’s the week I don’t have the kids, it’s like having a holiday. It’s so easy and quick to just have to look after myself.
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“Girl”? How patronising.
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Thankyou.
Of course I was patronising, I was trying to be.
When Catriona grows up and only comments of things she knows about I might grant her a little respect.
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Shane, I doubt the author is particularly interested in your lack of respect. Neither am I, after your snippy and nasty response.
So you’re busy. That’s your choice. So you have to parent. That’s your choice as well. It’s not a bloody competition. I don’t have children either, do I not know what busy is? Do you know what else people have in their lives other than themselves? Do you know if they care for relatives, have other commitments on their time? But no, you work 14 hours and day and STILL have to look after your kids.
Well, big deal, buddy. Big deal.
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But essessesse, Shane has a big important job AND has to drive to dancing lessons and explain differential calculus… surely nobody else on the planet is that busy?!
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Well, I’m sure as hell not. This pleases me greatly, although I do feel I’m missing out in the bragging stakes.
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I’m giggling because I’m pretty sure I should leave this be, but it’s kind of funny that you think she might care whether or not you ‘grant’ her respect.
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Yeah, I was laughing while I wrote it. I couldn’t be that arrogant for real ever.
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OMG seriously, the old “you don’t have kids so you have no fucking idea” line?!?! Last time I checked, you didn’t need to run the country to have an opinion on politics and the same stands for children. Sure having them may gain you a better perspective but to write someones opinion off purely because they don’t have children is rude and arrogant, you have NO idea what she does in her life, for all YOU know her life might be full of her company, friends, family and caring for a elderly relative as well – you just don’t know, so don’t presume to know.
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Pull your head in, and please don’t bother answering unless you have the guts to put your name to what you write.
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I thought the ‘shut up’ was a nice touch as well. Not. Interesting, though, now that Shane’s comment has been edited. It’s still got the ‘girl’ and typical woman with no kids comments. Is there a typical woman with kids, I wonder? Or man?
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Please use correct English if you’re going to abuse me. A sentence that consists of the word “not” might be ok when you’re in the play ground, but if you’re going to play with the big kids you really should be able to communicate like an adult.
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Frankie – yes x 10
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Agreed Frankie. And I am not even being facetious, but the fact this comment has ‘thumbs up’ is really saddening. Surely even if you agree somewhat with Shane’s comments, you can see that the rudeness and patronising tone is inappropriate!
“I suggest you shut up until you know what you’re talking about. Your life isn’t busy with anything but your own amusement.”
Are you kidding?!
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Agreed. There’s a small handful of arseholes commenting today, I guess that comes with the internet, but it’s the ‘likes’ on the comments that really bother me.
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This, right here.
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Yes, of course her life is filled with self sacrifice and commitment to the community. I’m probably cynical when it comes to pr firms but essentially they are about image and not substance. Nothing is produced, nothing is built but you’ll end up convinced that a sow’s ear is a silk purse. Let’s make sure the image is good even if the substance is lacking.
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Shane, you don’t know a damn thing about Catriona’s personal life.
If she says she’s busy then she’s busy…And just because your life is busier when you have kids around doesn’t mean her life isn’t that busy all the time.. Why on earth are you competing over who has the busiest life? Why do you care?
You’re offensive.
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Thankyou Jules, I found catriona offensive to parents and belittling the effort that’s required to be a parent. I found it offensive as a man to be dismissed the way Catriona did.
But that wouldn’t matter to you would it
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I didn’t see anything even implying her belittling the efforts of parents? I read an article by a woman who is tired of the assumption that because she doesn’t have children, she has all this free time on her hands to sit around doing nothing. I would say your comments are a completely separate issue. Maybe we read different articles…?
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Yes she did, it was implied that non parents are just as busy as parents. That is just rubbish. I also note that the comment from a woman who agrees with me that was posted later in the day hasn’t been attacked in the way my comment was.
There’s nothing like a hypocrite is there?
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Whoa. Easy please everyone.
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She wasn’t belittling anything.
She was just saying that she is busy too, she never once said that parents aren’t busy.
She also didn’t dismiss men, in fact the only mention she made of men was to say that men seem to get asked if they have children less often than women do.
I still don’t understand why you care though…? We all get that you’re super busy with your important job and doing year 10 social studies and so think you’re busier than Catriona…. we also get that you think the only reason you’re busier is because you have to look after the kids for one weekend a fortnight… But I don’t get why you’re making such rude, petty, personal attacks on her.
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Jules would you belittle the eddies of a woman who worked as much as I do and still has time to do maths homework? I doubt it. All you’ve proved with your childish outburst is that misandry is alive and well.
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I think it’s different kinds of busy. Those that choose to have children make the choice to raise them and everything that goes along with it.
Those that choose not to (like myself) don’t lead a less busy life by any means. I work full time and have a second part time job as well as volunteering many hours a week. Does that mean I’m less busier than those with kids?
I can assure you, just because you decided to busy your lives up with raising children, does not mean by any stretch of the imagination that those of us who chose not to are any less busy.
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Shane, if you’re soooooo busy, then how on earth did you find the time to read this blog?
Just askin’.
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I’m either having lunch or I’m multi tasking.
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Which is it, Shane? Are you so busy that you can’t tell if you’re eating lunch or multitasking? If you’re eating lunch, you’ll be putting something in your mouth. Hope this helps.
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Yessssssss
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So, surely you understand why Catroina had a valid point, then? If a busy parent like yourself can find time to use social media, then the questions/rude comments have no place in the discussion.
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What I said is that I had more time for social media on my non parenting week. It’s so much less tiring than having kids.
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I was waiting for the “men can’t multiple task” rubbish that women come out with all the time. I didn’t work. All I got was more attitude because I dared tell an allegedly successful woman that she doesn’t know her arse from her elbow.
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ZING!
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Just a cotton picking minute people.
If Shanette had made this comment, then there is no way she would have been slaughtered the way Shane has been slaughtered.
I agree, he may have misread the meaning of the article, but Cheeses Crust, he’s entitled to his opinion. We should have more comments from Shane, John James, Fender4eva, AnIdleDad. This website is great with male imput and they shouldn’t be assassinated just because their opinion comes from someone with a penis.
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There won’t be many comments from me, Cuppy. This is why I stopped commenting, in the first place. Too many trolls to feed……..
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Yes, well to be honest Fender, you ARE a troublemaker. Don’t deny it
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I wasn’t assasinating his opinion, I have an issue with his patronising language (‘girl’) and his patronising way of expressing his opinion.
I would say this at a dinner party to him.
Some of those commenters you mentioned are the ones I like reading the most, but they communicate *nothing* like Shane does.
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My point was that I believe the reaction evoked was because he is a man, and that if a woman had said the same thing, the responses would have been different.
I have seen this so many times on MM (that is no reflection on the website FYI)
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I respectfully disagree. I did not take issue to Shane’s post ‘just because’ he has a penis. I took issue with it because it was rude and patronising.
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But if a woman made the same comment? I don’t think she would have had the same reaction.
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I would have still gone for him. Most of the related posts were made before his original comment was edited. It was offensive to a lot of us.
Shane chose to go in hard. The other posters comments reflected that.
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I think you’ll find it is a small penis tho – found this out from a previous article comment.
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You really are fixed on the penis aren’t you Annabel?
The thing is, you’ll never know.
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I think I love you.
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I often ask people (both men and women) who I have just met and am making polite conversation with if they have children. In my view it’s an ice breaker and is one thing that practically everyone, no matter their background, culture etc have in common. Also, 75% of the time, assuming you are asking people in the right age group, the answer is Yes, and then you have something happy and appropriate to talk about for the next 10 minutes.
In my view there are some standard questions most people ask when they have just met someone, the others being what you do for a living, where you live. People aren’t making judgements, they are trying to be nice and have a conversation and learn more about you. As long as they don’t then question – why don’t you have children, don’t you want children etc I don’t see any problem. I assume most people would then move onto their next “go to” topic of conversation.
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This is a question that changes intent depending on the situation.
If it’s work related, or media related or aimed as a way of perhaps ‘having a dig’, then it is likely not appropriate.
If it making conversation and you’re talking to someone married or in a long term relationship, or a female who is definitely of child-bearing age, it is a fair question. It is also a fair question coming from generations above those of child bearing age, because for many of them, it was just a fact of life – get married, have babies, be a housewife. Why wouldn’t we be having babies like they did?
The problem with the question is that it is so caught up in emotions and hormones. Emotions for those who may have lost or not managed to conceive. Hormones of those who may be longing for a child but are not in a situation to have them (trust me, there are hormones involved!)
These days I don’t get the question so much because I am a student again, so for most people around me babies are the last thing on their minds. When I do, I usually respond with, “I wish.” I don’t have to give details, and people don’t usually push any further.
The whole world is not judging you. Everyone needs to chill and understand that some people are trying to make conversation and don’t know what to say. For others, they don’t know life any differently. Women who do not go on to have children are well within their rights to not have them, but also need to realise that the vast majority do, and that any question about this is simply an assumption based on a common theme. It is not right or wrong, it just is.
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Being a women who didnt have kids to now being one who does I’ve been in both positions so feel I have a right to make an un bias comment. You may not have any more time than us mothers but you have the privilege to do things in YOUR own time and when ever you like, you have the privilege to quickly jump in the car and go to work, now being a mother I hve to get up extra early to get everything for me and baby organised, I’m not just Focusing and running my life I’m organising theirs too. So It takes Us mothers longer to do things and we have less times to ourselves. We don’t get to lay in bed and think ok did I do this and this because as soon as you lay in bed the baby wakes, it’s go go go from the minute you get up as a mother, we are busier, that is all there is to it, because what ever you
Have to do In a day we have to do more of and extra time
For each child. I only have 1 child and struggle to find the time
To just go to the bathroom by myself. Where as you have the freedom to go to the bathroom by yourself and do a bit of thinking whilst on the toilet or in the shower, nowadays days im thinking what I have and haven’t done for my child. When you have something such as a child that is dependent on you and you have to do extra everything.. Cooking, cleaning, go out of the way on the way home
From work to the child
Care centre etc.. If you get what I mean. We don’t have the choice to drive straight home.
I guess until you do become a
Mother you will never understand. I was recently told that now that I have a kid and my friends without kids rarely ever see me
Anymore (wonder why!) that I’m all of a sudden too good for them.. Not true at all. I love being a mum but do sometimes envy a women who can pee alone and wash their hair when ever they get home from work. There seems to be a general rule out there that you have to eventually become a
Mother… I totally disagree, they’re not for everyone. You may be busy but a women who is In your position probably wouldn’t be able to do it with kids or if they did they would be not just working and going home and relaxing but working and going home to do their job as a mother. It is a full time position. I always thought stay at home mums had it so easy, truth is they don’t just sit on their ass and watch Oprah. People without kids will probably (take note of the word probably) just roll their eyes but as I said I have been in both position of not being a mother and being a mother I see both perspectives of things…
I think you’re thinking way to much into the question, I was asked all the time, it is just a general question and you should hold
Your head high and say “no, I don’t” if you are angered by the question is that because deep down you feel guilty for not having a child?! Or because you don’t have one and deep down may want one?! Or because you flat out do not want one (which is fine) and hate that people
Keep assuming you should be a mother?!
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Sheeessh….people are making small talk! Trying to get to know you. If I asked someone if they had kids, and they answered ‘no’, I would not then go on to think they had more time than me, or their life was any less meaningful to mine. I would just put that away in my memory bank as one more fact I now know about you – then I would move on! Please, get over yourself, before people are too scared to ask you anything at all. There is no ‘club’, there is no conspiracy – just well meaning people asking a couple of questions.
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I tend to get asked this question after I dare to have an opinion on something involving children (because apparently if I don’t have children my opinion on these issues isn’t valid even if the ‘something’ does affect me in some way).
It does depend on the situation (i.e. a harmless getting to know you query or a completely inappropriate question as in Catriona’s situation above) as to if I’d consider it ‘offensive’ or not.
I think the general population needs to stop assuming that women will have children at some point in their lives as people choosing not to have children are increasing, not to mention that some are not able to have children and nor should they feel pressured to have to say so to make people ‘let it go’.
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I’m thinking that you should just answer the question
Yes
No
or, in a professional capacity: That’s not relevant right now.
and stop reading so much into it. So what if people want to know more about you? Just shows how interesting you are.
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Hi Catriona! Having children changed everything in my life and the common bond of parenthood often helps me forge connections with people who are, in other ways, very different to me. Thank you for reminding me that a question designed to ease social contact and show genuine interest can, for some, be painfully confronting. Yes, there certainly is a sort of parent ‘club’, but it’s not designed to make outsiders miserable. If anything, it’s a life-raft for those of us struggling with the intense, terrifying and mystifying challenges of parenthood!
Having become a parent later in life, I know what it feels like to be outside that club, especially when travelling through Asia and the Middle East in my 20′s & 30′s. “Do you have children?” is the first question asked in many countries and, if the answer’s no, people don’t quite know what to make of a grown woman who hasn’t fulfilled her biological destiny as a mother. Thankfully, that’s not the case in Australia and women are not dependent on husbands or children for their social status.
I am a mother, business owner and many other things besides. Nobody assumes that non-parents are sitting around playing computer games all day. However, mothers (even though we may have chose that life) don’t get to choose how they allocate their time. Kids always come first and it is an endless round of repetitive domestic chores and self bloody sacrifice and, if you get to follow your own agenda occasionally, it’s a blessed bonus.
Everybody faces personal and professional challenges, regardless of their parental status. The perception that life is harder/easier because somebody doesn’t/does have kids is about as helpful as assuming somebody’s financial status dictates the quality of their life. But I will certainly be more mindful in future that the question ‘do you have children’ is a loaded one for some people and be more respectful of their feelings.
http://www.adoreyoga.com/
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Some people like myself, do not want children, its a concscious shoice we have made. I get asked all the time, wheras my husband hardly gets asked.
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Oh dear lord, I think I shall just stop interacting with people altogether, as it appears there is literally nothing left to say/ask that won’t offend *somebody*.
And when will we women start owning and appreciating our own lives and the choices we have made, rather than turning every single thing into such a fucking competition?!
Seriously, I bet you wouldn’t find a group of men carrying on like this. Sometimes I am so ashamed of my gender.
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I’m a single girl with no kids, and will sometimes ask people this question as I’m getting to know them.
I don’t see why it’s a problem. The assumption that you have loads more time might be offensive, but not the question in itself imo.
You gotta pick your battles, or you’ll always find reasons to be offended.
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Surely this is an innocent ice-breaker. Please Catriona, i’d love to hear which questions you deem appropriate to ask when initiating conversation. Because this article suggests any question could be interpreted as judgmental, depending on the reaction of the receiver.
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Yes very unprofessional question considering the setting.
I always think the difference between no kids and busy and kids and busy is that without kids you can start a job and finish it uninterrupted (usually), you can have time to think (without a lot of background noise), you’re not sleep deprived and you’re not continually worried about the little people you’re responsible for- what am I going yo make for dinner, immunisations, sickness etc… and you’re not limited by certain time constraints eg. have to leave work to get the kids before daycare closes/ need to get them home for a sleep etc…
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I have children, not babies, and because of that I feel like I’m not a part of “that” club, therefore have nothing in common with ladies with babies.
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It sounds like the circumstances under which you were asked about having kids were totally inappropriate, and his reaction to your reply was downright rude. I can totally understand why you would annoyed.
But often people ask things like this just as an icebreaker, to fill in conversational gaps and form a stronger understand of the people they have met. If I ask someone about their parenthood status, I attach the same emotional weight to it as if I were asking if they have a dog or like bushwalking. It’s just a getting-to-know-you tool, (and after reading the comments I now hope that in the process of getting to know them I don’t discover that they are wont to attach undue levels of weight or meaning to what is essentially a throw away question about a common human condition.)
http://the-accidental-housewife.blogspot.com.au/
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