Homophobia is gay
Over dinner a few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with some friends about homophobia. My stance was, that personally, I’ve never really experienced it. I’m English. I grew up in Scotland. The extent of ‘discrimination’ I experienced came from the locals who were still a bit sore that the English beat them in some war a long time ago. Or something.
I did have a can of beer chucked at me on holiday once. Terrible waste. I assumed it was some statement about my taste in shoes, which I quickly discounted due to the fact the dude was making it from the back window of a 1990 Honda Accord. Those in glass houses, boys…
So, what happened on a Saturday in January was a surprise. My friends and I went on a booze cruise which, I know is asking for trouble especially when a key selling point is the free t-shirts on which you’re expected to draw penises. Or when the the aim of the game is to avoid a lap-dance from an Elvis impersonator. In my defense, I thought it was a corporate do, I was invited by a digital marketing agency… lordy! I turned up with business cards.
But, reticent to scrap a Saturday plan, three girls, two boys and two gays (myself and flat mate, Tom), set off, suited and booted with the promise of some chicken salad on the high seas. Well, Sydney Harbour.
All in all, we got off quite lightly with ‘Elvis’. The girls from other parties flashing their boobs at passing boats kept themselves to themselves…. kinda. But, while the boat pumped out “D-I-S-C-O” and other such club classics, little were we to know that there was a storm-a-brewin’. (Like that? It’s a little boat joke!).
Disembarking (FIVE hours later) Tom turned to one of the guys who was on the boat with us and asked if he had a lighter he could use. The response? “Not for you, you’re a FAGGOT”.
“Erm, excuse me?”…
Therein followed a long stream of colloquialisms for “gay” during which it became obvious we were about to get beaten up.
Then, all hell broke loose. My mate who went in to defend us was punched in the face, whilst the girls from the other party squared up to the girls in our group, taking on the time honored hitch-up-your-dress-lunge-scratch-pull-hair-and-scream-abuse tactic. (“Let GO!… “NOT until YOU let go, BITCH!” etc).
Strangely, Tom and I – not involved – stood at the side, helpless looks on faces and Tom, being too nice, holding the clutch bag of a girl from the other group – that was promptly and unceremoniously removed from his hand in a shower of dollar coins and condoms. Ever so classy, but safe!
Net result: friend in hospital with 4 stitches in his lip for being a decent bloke defending his friends against something that DOES STILL EXIST.
And it’s NOT RIGHT.
So. To the dude who started it all, on the booze cruise on Saturday 14th January, with the ring through your nose, uneducated or simply intolerant. Here I am, on a media outlet with half a million people on it every month, telling you your behavior is intolerable. And your girlfriend probably reads this.
Do you think homophobia still exists in Australia?
Comments
100 Comments so far
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As a fellow minority (Muslim woman wearing niqab/face veil), stories like this upset me and admittedly scare the crap out of me. I have confidence that the majority of us are accepting and respectful (I don’t like the term ‘tolerance’) but stories like this wake up that little paranoid voice in my head, especially when I head out to unfamiliar suburbs. Most people are ok and just ignore you but I always wonder, is there, amongst this crowd, an idiot who will try and do something to me? It’s sad that I have to think like this and I really don’t want to, but hearing stories like this reignite my paranoia. I choose to dress differently, you’re a homosexual, people are different, shock horror!… so what?… what happened to live and let live? I’m so sorry you had to experience this and anyone else who has experienced anything similar.
If I had been there, which I most likely wouldn’t have, but if I was for some reason, I would have (or more correctly, wish I could have, but know it would be totally wrong) thrown a chair at that man’s head because I can’t punch for the life of me, all in defense of course. Who knows maybe it would juggle his mixed up brain cells in place.
And just a disclaimer, yes Islam considers homosexuality a sin but it does NOT condone this type of behaviour as I am sure is the same with Christianity and Judaism.
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I’m so sorry for the lower of our society & the way you were treated.
I’m a heterosexual woman in a 9 yr relationship with my partner, I have bisexual tendencies although I’m pretty hopeless with women (I’ve been with a few women, and couples), but I’m not sure if I classify myself as ‘bisexual’ because I’ve never been in a relationship with a woman – however I’m open to the fact that I may, one day, find myself attracted to a woman and want to have a relationship with her – that’s the beauty of being human and open to love from everyone – no sex, race, age limits.
I have lesbian and gay and bi-sexual friends. I accept them for who they, their sexual preference makes no difference to anything they are or are not, what they say, feel or anything else that allows them to exist as a human – No one should be judged based on sexual orientation, colour, race, religious beliefs or any other form of inequality-causing crap that people like to use to make themselves feel special.
Although I do have a very very very bad habit of using words which are, I know, completely against what I said above. Never to describe a person, more an act, a thing, an event…..it’s no excuse
I’ll admit to my shameful use of derogatory terms:
‘that’s totally gay’….
‘that’s as gay as two dicks touching’ (although I heard it from an army friend)
and i have on occasion referred to my sister-in-laws current boyfriend is ‘the black guy’ (although for some reason she only dates ‘African’ men and for some reason believes that the personality and moral traits she wants in a husband/father can only come from one race/colour….and that confuses the F*CK out of me) and
my half-brother as ‘half-cast’; he’s PNG/Aussy
I myself have grown up with these terms, sentences, using them when I want to be funny, thinking that I am funny. But as I grow older and I feel more and more outraged at the inequality with colour, race, sexuality etc I’m ashamed I use these terms and am trying my best to stamp it out as ‘normal’ use. Although my brother is the one that came up with ‘half-cast’
But I’m also willing to accept I’m not perfect. I’m trying. But I would NEVER outcast someone for their differences to me…but i guess im no better for my use of these terms.
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Oh Matt. What a sad tale.
As a bisexual girl with a lot of gay friends I can tell you that homophobia still exists in Australia, although it is certainly not the norm.
A few stories that spring to mind from beautiful Melbourne where I live..
Waiting for a tram, late Saturday night, with my arm around a girlfriend, just keeping warm and chatting and some jocky guys (ie “douche bags”) walk past and throw red powerade at us while yelling something like ‘get off her.’ We were dumbfounded, ie. did we just experience DISCRIMINATION? then had a chuckle. No biggie.
Another night my friends and I were at a club which we frequented. We’d been to a costume party before and gotten changed, although one of the boys was still rocking traces of eyeliner (so what, it’s a free country right?.) A group of guys started pushing him on the dancefloor, calling him a ‘faggot’ etc. As is always the case our straight friends were more offended than he was and told these guys where to go. The bouncers came over and I felt sure WE were going to get thrown out, but to my delight the bouncers saw it for what it was and threw out the homophobes.
Another time and probably the most hurtful, the same friend was walking with his boyfriend along Sydney Rd, Brunswick where we all lived at the time. He was victim to an almighty shove and and some nasty homophobic words from some guy and came home with tears in his eyes. He wasn’t hurt; just so upset that this would happen to him on a Saturday afternoon in free thinking Brunswick.
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He was probably a Wog or White Trash from the West of Sydney. Now I sound intolerant, but if we can’t train these people to behave like decent people, then what do we do with them? So yes, it dose still exist and it will not be going anywhere until Aussies learn how to stop being so aggressive. A sad, but true reflection of our country at home and abroad.
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The cure to homophobia is racism, apparently.
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You’re a bit of a racist git aren’t you.
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Are you serious that your response to an article about homophobia is to start a racist rant?! So people of European decent or who live in a particular part of Sydney need to be ‘trained’ like dogs?! Yes as a country we could be less aggressive, how about starting with being more tolerant of people who may not be of anglo decent or live on the north shore!
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That is SO insulting, derogatory and small minded. How does this comment, calling people wogs and white trash and stating they need to be ‘trained’, not break the dinner party rules? If someone ever said that in my house they would be shown the door in no uncertain terms.
I get called a ‘wog’ all the time because I look very strongly European (although I’m 5th generation Aussie) and it is people like YOU that make it an insult to me.
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It’s bizarre for me to think that homophobia exists in a country as relatively libertarian as Australia. Growing up, despite my family being slightly conservative migrants, the fact that amongst our close family friends was a gay couple – and, consequently, their extended gay friendship circe – meant that it was just the way things were. Normal, but a slightly different version of normal (with seven shitzus in lieu of kids). And growing up, it was very clear from teenage years onwards who amongst my family friends circle were gay or lesbian. In fact, the most provocative and sensational declaration of sexuality was my cousin who at 18 declared herself completely asexual and announced that she would never have a boyfriend, and never get married. (At 38, she now has her very first boyfriend.)
So Matt for every “not for you you’re a FAGGOT” type out there, there’s a whole mountain of quiet acceptance – even in corners where you least expect it.
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Being gay shouldn’t even be a conversation these days. Bullying and intimidation should not be accepted in any shape way or form!
What a bunch of ignorant dickheads!!!
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The problem with those type of people is it isn’t just the fact you’re gay, if you had anything different about you it would be a problem for them… If you were gay or black or Muslim you would have been targeted, but they don’t realize the one who is different is them… Good people love and accept all difference
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Finding someone to love and be loved in return is an almighty task in any case. If you find the one you love and they happen to be the same sex as you how on earth can that be wrong?
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I never thought much about this untill my own brother said he was gay, I never used to flinch if someone made a homophobic remark.
Not because I didn’t care but because I didn’t think it warranted a reaction,I just used to think they were a poor little soul.
But now if anyone were to say anything I would always let them know I disagree. I am so Proud of the man my brother I can only hope there comes a day when he will
never have to endure anything of this nature, it really breaks my heart.
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I am truly mortified by this behaviour from grown adults. It shows the lack of education and small mindedness that still exists in our society – we need to stamp this out in schools give them all the information while they are in their formative years.
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I am so sorry, what a truly terrible experience
Personally I think we are really lucky here but there are idiots everywhere.
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I’m lucky that I haven’t been the subject of homophobia – partly because, as a bisexual, I can lie by omission and pass as straight (not that it’s a good thing, but it’s useful) and mostly because, when I came out age 35ish, it was to very tolerant friends.
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I am just totally underwhelmed with the feeling that “I really don’t know where to begin”……you know?
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Unfortunately, anyone putrid enough to call a disgustington such as this their boyfriend almost definitely lacks the ability to read.
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Matt, I am so sorry that you and Tom now have to count yourself among the people who have personally experienced homophobia. That is truly shite.
But wow oh wow what a bloody legend you have for a mate. What a hero. He deserves a cape. I hope that he makes a speedy recovery. xxx rp
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SO well said, Reply Paid! It seems Matt has a wonderful group of friends. I sincerely hope something as unacceptable as this *never* happens to any of them again. I just don’t understand that kind of ignorant mentality.
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Makes my blood boil!!!! I’m working on stamping it out of schools one class at a time, small I know but if I can open the eyes of a couple of my students I’m winning. My gorgeous friends deserve the right to walk the streets of ANY country holding their respective partners hand and feel safe and welcome without judgment.
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Not small, huge!
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I’ve had several conversations about equal rights for marriage and adoption. And I’m still surprised when people I would not have expected, are homophobic. Perfectly nice, intelligent people, who wouldn’t dream of shouting abuse or being rude to someone if they found out they were gay. But they are quite happy to argue that “it isn’t what god intended” across the dinner party table. Funny how its always the ones who’ve been brought up with a heap of religion, that are homophobic?
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Homophobia, racism, sexism, ageism, religious conflicts, disabled-ism (not sure what to call it) unfortunately are still present in our society.
Not everyone can deal with differences, some people are just plain nasty/ evil and will use any power they have to label others they see as easy targets. I can’t see it ending completely, but I am hoping as the years pass that more and more people become accepting of our differences and learn to get along with other people irrespective of their. If we look back 50 years things are a lot better now than they were, let’s hope it continues.
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you were close, prejudice against the disabled is ableism.
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I remember an incident in high school (early 2000s) where we were doing group work. Can’t remember what the topic discussion was but I do distinctly remember a guy in the group (who was school captain and meant to embody good behaviour and be a leader to the rest of the school) saying “All gays should be put on a island and shot”. I remember the whole group just getting really quiet, trying to get our head around such a ridiculous statement and then an all-out argument broke out.
Still makes me sigh when I think about how young the homophobia can start.
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My husband and I have a couple of much older relatives who aren’t exactly homophobic, but they haven’t been… ‘exposed’ for lack of a better word… to people who just happen to be gay.
For example, my nan has referred to gay people as ‘poofs’ (and I absolutely detest that word, so I’m sorry for posting it if it offends anyone) and she whispers the word, too, like someone is going to jump out from around the corner and club her if she says it any louder.
I can’t remember how the topic came up in conversations but when it did, and we told these relatives there’d be quite a few people at our wedding who were gay, including the MC, and it wouldn’t kill them to be in the same room, they were speechless.
I just don’t get why some people think that sexuality changes who a person is.
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PS you know the line from teh song “dont call me a faggot not unless you are a friend”, well is it also offensive to call some a GAY. since when is an adjective a noun. ie, dont call me a white. or a straight. I am not just that… oh i dont know….
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there is def a culture of homo-dislikia out there, eg baby boomer males, eg my dad. I think they are getting better, he for example wouldnt be outride rude or bash , but i guess he doesnt understand. That will gradually disappear as that generation die out, but i guess there are still a different demographic, and indeed a more dangerous one,ie rednecks that hate gay people and they are the scary ones….
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I recently un-friended an acquaintance on facebook for making homophobic comments in the course of a discussion. As someone who has a lot of gay friends and is a passionate supporter of equal rights, I very quickly and in no uncertain terms let him know that his words were completely unacceptable and removed him from my facebook sphere. It makes me very sad that there still are parts of the country where homophobia is the norm, rather than the exception. I have watched my gay best friend “butch up” in certain areas of Sydney because he was frightened of the potential for a negative reaction to his “gayness”.
Things are slowly changing, but there is still quite a way to go.
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Homophobia exists everywhere in the world unfortunately.
Having lived in Tokyo for a long, long time, I highly suspect that the homophobia here contributes significantly to the frightfully high national suicide rate. If I batted for the other side, so to speak, I would rather live in Australia than Japan.
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Unfortunately, I think it does still exist. I would love to say it doesn’t – particularly given that i that the F word – but it does seem to get bandied about by some groups of guys. Sad. You would think ppl of our generation would be a bit more open-minded, particularly given that I doubt whether someone being gay has any impact on anyone else’s life.
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Speechless – but not surprised. A gay friend of mine once said, in the most matter of fact voice in the world, that he’d been bashed by a passerby in the street after work one night because they ‘decided he was gay’.
I’m not sure whether I was more gobsmacked by the actual event, or the tone of voice when he was talking about it.
There are a lot of disgusting louts like this out there … and they vote.
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Yes I think homophobia still exists here, although I think we’re slowly becoming more accepting. Progress is progress right? Is it just me, or is it the males that tend to be a bit more homophobic than females? I dunno, it’s just something i’ve noticed. I certainly wouldn’t tolerate somebody calling one of my gay friends a faggot, I’d start yelling at them- it’s a horrible horrible word.
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Honestly, who cares where someone else sticks it (to be blunt). As long as relationships are consensual and respectful for both parties (gay, straight or whatever in between), then it’s absolutely none of my business. Really, how can anyone care??
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sadly it does exist, everywhere. People have the right to choose whatever sexuallity they want to be and being gay does not make anyone less human. a lot of people just need a better education when there younger and a good slap across the face along with a talk about respect and when its a good time to keep your mouth shut if you dont agree with someones sexual orientation. I’m not personally gay but i have gay friends and i beleive everyone who is gay needs to stand up for themselves and for what they beleive in because you have every right to.. Gay people arnt hurting anyone by wanting to simply be together and have the same rights as the rest of us. life is short, the world could end any day, there are more importanmt issues we could all be protesting for…and its astonishing how many people waste their life on something that doesnt matter to them at all. it does not affect their life or how they live it yet so many stupid people cant see that. Haters are gonna hate, you can’t change that because everyone has a right to their own opinion wether its completely idiotic or not, but that doesnt mean you have to take crap like this, defend yourself.
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I know you’re being positive and tolerant here and that’s really great – thank you. But I’d just like to point out that people don’t choose their sexuality – it’s just part of who you are. Often the “choice” argument is used against the LGBT community and it’s not fair.
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Cynthia Nixon said she chose to be with a woman.
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Homophobia is gay for sure – this is so well written, you got a big LOL out of me when you added that Tom was holding the clutch … I am full out 100% hetro, but have my very first ever gay mate who I work with – and I love him to death (we don’t get a lot of work done early in the week if its a wee bit quiet
.
One day, the world won’t run on fear, it will run on love and tolerance and all things nice. Till then, love to you both – and I reckon I would have hitched up my dress and gone in to defence mode for both of you too! Your mates are amazing really aren’t they? xx
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I’m glad you have a sense of humour about this, Matt, because it makes me feel both sad and hateful on your behalf. What is wrong with people? I mean, seriously.
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Thankfully i’ve never really had anyone in my life who was outright homophobic.
I have a few friends who will say outrageous things about anyone and everyone just to provoke a debate but i know they don’t actually mean what they say (think south park).
It’s never bothered me who someone dates. I’ve been friends with people for a long time and have no idea what orientation they are because it doesn’t matter to me but it makes me sad that clearly others have such a negative view of things.
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I am so sorry you had to experience that and as a result have to write this article. That wanker should be ashamed of himself.
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Ive unfortunately met many homophobic people but none that would goes as so far to incite violence. Still I couldnt be close friends with anyone like this as I think its disgusting. I think its fear of the unknown as most of these people had just avoided gay people so have no idea. They are so
terrified of their own sexuality being
challenged and so uncomfortable with being around anyone who has different views or preferences to them. Ive noticed how common it is on fbook to say ‘no homo’ after any comment that might possibly indicate them not being ultra macho. For example.. We missed you at the match on friday no homo..I am
pumped about seeing Usher this weekend no homo..So much un necessary damage caused !
challenged
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Get over it darlings – not the author, the urgers… The world is full of ignorance and ill will. I think it is called the human condition. We are neither all good or all evil, but we all have a propensity to be evil to varying degrees. There is a well established creed of love that covers all that stuff.
No full peace can be found in your sexuality. Only an agenda that seeks to turn love and nature on its head. I wish you to live your sexual identity and enjoy it as far it can take you in relationship but do not be deluded to think that “marriage” can change its sad reality that it is an aberration of human relationship nature with intrinsic limits.
There seems to be a denial of reason in the gay marriage campaign with a real sense of group think. Where are the dissenting gays? It is a worry that all are of one mindlessness.
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WTF!
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Butler.. and your Likers… what sort of response is that? Where is the challenge or even rational enquiry? Emotion is no substitute for reason.
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If it was an Aberration, it wouldn’t exist. The point is that Gays shouldn’t have to campaign for the same rights as heterosexuals, it’s about being equal to everyone else, not being classed as a second class citizen. What are these limits that you speak of?
They are who they are whether you like it or not. And what is it to you or anyone else for that matter? Where do you get off?
I’m sure there are plenty of gays that don’t want to get married but they understand that they still should have that choice/right.
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HUH?!?!??
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Hi Observer! Thanks for your comment.
I don’t have time to re-write why there is no logical argument against gay marriage, so I’ll refer you to something I’ve written before: http://www.mamamia.com.au/relationships/17-arguments-against-gay-marriage-and-why-theyre-bollocks/
As for dissenting gays, I know plenty who don’t care for the same sex marriage argument, or think we have other priorities. But again, I cover that in the piece above. The fact is, Government can and does legislate multiple policies at once (how surprising!) so that’s hardly an argument against taking action.
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Rick, I find your 17 arguments all over the place on a kind of whimsical journey of self-justification with no place to settle.
Our Judeo/Christian heritage has provided the underpinning in the liberal democracies in Western civilisation of the principle of equality. This foundation is the equality of all persons in being created in the Image of God ( imago dei) with its concomitant hymn of the dignity of man and the chorus of care and true, self giving, compassion expressed through the Church in the people of God.
Marriage of man and woman participates in this setting through what is natural and what is aligned with reason. Being of nature and reason such marriage is celebrated in community as a true expression of the future in unfolding new life. New life as fundamental as passing on life to a new generation with our cultural inheritance, as well the opportunity for new life through the emergence of truer fuller persons as a product of complementarity of the sexes in marriage.
It is wrongheaded to deconstruct marriage to a “love in” for anyone who wishes to participate in it. Such deconstruction is driven to meet a trumped up political agenda of gay equality and stands against nature and reason.
Human love is wonderful. Enjoy it as you have it. However it should not be used as an emotional big bang weapon to claim an equality beyond that which we have as people of equal dignity in life.
Marriage is not a community event or opportunity with equal access mandated. It is a high order institution reflecting nature and reason at work in accordance with God’s expression of love for new life and His desire for that love to unfold within the family for the new generation. As such it is, by nature and reason, the blessed domain of a man and a woman.
Cheers
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I would say this to your face if we ever met at a dinner party — nobody here agrees with your position and in fact, your opinion is hateful, illogical and wrong in fact, you can see the door, so please LEAVE.
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Yep. Still rife.
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Ah, so you’re argument is on based on YOUR religious beliefs! To which a fair proportion of us do not subscribe. Cards revealed. Argument null and void.
And your last paragraph makes me want to puke.
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Melanie.. since when does secular mean no religion. The secular state says all religions and none… no one religion will be attached to the State and the State will provide religious freedoms for all. Your version of secularism seems to be life denying as it closes off the mind from the wisdom of our cultural roots fed by the Judeo/Christian revealed truths about us humans.
My last paragraph restates a reality, anchored in the reason, that sees marriage as being between a man and a woman. This has been mainstream right from the time of the ancient Hebrews and the Classical Greeks and Romans, the foundations of the Christian West. You seem to take it as an offence. How sad there is a prevailing mood in ignorance of our human heritage.
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Yes, I believe in the secular state. Very much so. To the extent that I do not wish to have the incursion of what you call ‘the wisdom of our Judeo/Christian cultural roots’ making any sort of incursion into our government. Including who and who shall not have the right to marry. While a secular state does include one’s right to choose one’s religion, it does not give any of those religions the right to impose its values, mores or views regarding individuals into law. If individual churches choose not marry same sex couples, there’s not a lot that can be done about that, but they have NO RIGHT to impose that ban beyond the strictures of their own denominations.
As to my own ‘closed mind’, I had to do a a great deal to wrest my once closed mind from the clutches of Christianity/religiosity in order to ‘open’ it to the value of thinking for one’s self, (free thinking) and rationalism. I am anything, but ignorant, thank you. And since when does the ‘mainstream-since-time-began’ argument make something right? Women were also considered property in the traditional marriage model from which the ‘Christian West’ has taken most of its cues. Are you advocating a return to this tradition, as well? Oh, yes, slaves were also kept as part of this mainstream tradition. Shall I go on? Or are you starting to see a pattern?
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you didn’t actually answer her point which was : you ask for a rational argument justifying gay marriage , and use religion as your rational argument ! like melmyers said ,this is null and void .Religion is not an argument .Or if you truly think it is ,you won’t be able to argue against mine :buddhism does not condemn homosexuality . I want to say “who cares ” but at least i’m speaking your language …trouble is ,if YOU say “who cares “,your argument is even nuller and voider
all you have left is accepting that your argument was inane ,or recognize that alright ,”all religions ” don’t condemn homosexuality , so homosexuality must be ok.
Totally trapped you in your own web there .
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“the State will provide religious freedoms for all”
In other words, you’re free to believe whatever you like, but please don’t inflict it on other people. If you don’t like same-sex marriage, don’t have one.
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Melanie, the Secularisation Theory is withered and dying on the branch of a despairing Enlightenment.
You express a dark anger and cynicism that is pervasive in the postmodern legacy of a deluded and angry polis. The abuse of the principle of equality in squeezing gay relationships into the civil institution of marriage that is the foundation of the ideal social family – mum, dad and the kids – is an abuse of our heritage. Whether or not a particular marriage expresses the ideal is a human reality of nature and relationship – most want to and many do, but growing proportions will not or cannot.
The tenets of equality is the key to human freedom as best expressed through our Christian West culture. The principles of equality defined and enacted through the various Human Rights declarations have their roots in Judeo/Christian revelation. These are flowers picked by a secularism that has cut itself off from its cultural roots and as such rules by the earnest assertion of abstractions. It was the tenets of Christinaity lived out in a people that saw slavery abolished and sysytemic racism destroyed with black people, led by such wonderful men as Dr Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela and Bishop Tutu, claim equality in law and society with white people.
These tenets, and consequent international principles, of equality should not be devalued in using it to make black be white – man-man/woman-woman unions cannot be the conjugal love that is unitive, complementary, two flesh become one, reproductive and nurturing relationship of which marriage is and has been across human civilisations for all time. Of course there are exceptions to the norm.
The aspect of equality that is Equal Treatment has been followed with bi-partisan support in recent years in recognising the integrity of gay relationships as a human reality, through aligning them with existing laws covering amongst other things legal guardianship, next of kin status, and estate management. This was right and just as seen with its universal support.
AsI see it, the push for the actual definition of marriage to encompass all beyond the traditional man and woman is abusing the generosity of people who have supported the matters of real justice for gays across time.
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Why would you even click on a story like this to read it with your views that belong in the 17th century? So much hate. This is why most of us no longer believe in your magical imaginary friend…science has now taken us beyond the 17th century and given us the real answers to life’s questions that were once provided by the village medicine/ spirit man. Unfortunately some were so well brainwashed they never came to the real truth.
Have your religion, with that much hate you obviously need it to provide some spiritual nourishment, but leave the rest of us with our own truth.
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There is only one logical reason for gay marriage that matters – two people love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together. Why should they miss out on legally being husbands/wives and throwing a party with all there mates to celebrate that?
Because honestly that is all a wedding is to most people these days. When I get married it will have absolutely nothing to do with god, and far more about kicking up my heels with the love of my life, family and friends.
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Cabbagefairy, your comments reveal the hollowness of the same sex marriage political agenda. They display a sentimental / Hollywood Romance / “let’s have a party” attitude that is the wash up of the de sacralising of marriage over the last 50 years or so.
Marriage has become a contract with deliberate exit clauses when things get tough.
The Christian sacramental view of marriage is covenantal where there is promise based agreement, in relationship with God, to be husband and wife in life, for life. Vows, and their individual expression in the ceremony, that commit each to a promise based relationship rather than assent to a contract. The loving seeking of and giving forgiveness is what gives these promises flesh in the muck of life.
Same sex marriage as a political agenda is a continuity of the great washout of purpose and meaning in marriage. Its illogical components of non complementary of persons and of the natural barrier to life emanating sex, display the rational deficiency in the proposition.
It concerns me there is a real absence of charity in the same sex marriage movement. There is too much abuse, offensiveness, accusation and denial of respect for those supportive of the traditional gay rights but who will not break with reason to view marriage as simply a love-in.
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What. The. Fuck!!!
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I got bored after post #2 of Observer’s. The article was not even about the debate on gay marriage!
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One day when you are DEAD and face our creator, you will see how wrong you are. For now, enjoy your hateful existence. Unbelievable.
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Observer, you must be full of mushrooms! Whatever it was you said, or were trying to say, in your post, well, it sounds cool, but….?
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Love this! Homophobia is absolutely still rife. I think our best bet is to instil a ‘being gay or bi is as normal as being straight’ belief into our children. Because it’s true.
My partner has a gay uncle, a gay cousin and his best mate is gay. I don’t think our daughter will have a problem finding homosexuality normal, and for this I am so grateful.
Here’s hoping this new generation has an open mind.
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Growing up, my siblings and I were more accepting of my Aunt and her partner than the adults were. My mum was really great at reinforcing that some girls like boys and some girls like girls (same with boys). So I grew up believing that it was a normal thing that some people “do”.
I have friends who identify as LGBQTI (I am bisexual myself) and I really don’t understand why people are so hateful. I genuinely get confused by it. I mean I understand the ‘hating those who are different’ … I guess sometimes I forget that the wonderful peaceful society I dream of isn’t the reality I live in.
It really makes me sad that people are bashed because of who they love. Or, tormented to the point of depression/suicide. I know I will be raising my bub to be accepting of others and to know that everybody is different and that doesn’t make them ‘wrong’ that makes them…different.
/side note
I did have a chuckle when I read that Tom was holding the girl’s clutch for her.
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The worst part of homophobia, is that if it weren’t the ‘trendy issue’, no one would give a rat’s arse. Just 5 years ago, MOST people were homophobic. But now it’s not fashionable to be.
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“no one would give a rat’s arse.”
Erm… no.
This is not a chicken-and-the-egg thing. There is a lot of debate and discussion about homophobia because homophobia exists.
Actually, your whole comment is way off base. And really offensive.
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Don’t feed the troll…
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Wow you really think its now trendy to NOT be homophobic?? You obviously lead a life very sheltered from the true discrimination gay people face or luckily you are surrounded by truly open minded people?!
My best friend and mum are both gay and often daily they will face discrimination/homophobia. It can be as blunt as face to face or subtle in the form of uncomfortableness.
I truly can’t wait for the day when homophobia is uncool!
This article was written brilliantly and with a sense of humor but it still focusses on a serious issue that luckily you seem to not to see in your life.
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You must be really young Anonymouse as for me it’s been 30 years of supporting my best friend through a homophobic world. And there were plenty of horrible nights in our regional NSW town when we were targeted by homophobes, abused and threatened. My friends and I have certainly always given a “rat’s arse” about homophobia.
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How would someone holding your attitude even know what was fashionable?
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In some ways we need to draw a line in the sand, these closed minded guys can’t be changed, so work on our children. My son is 5 and asks me can Men get married, and I say, in some parts of the world they can. I don’t teach him anything at all on colour, race, religion, or sexual preference. I give him facts when he asks a question. At this point, he accepts everyone as “normal” and the way it is, and I truly hope this continues.
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Unfortunately homophobia really does exist. I havent seen it in the violent form which Matt experienced, but I have heard the expletive-ridden bull**** spurted by many young men and women when I am out with my homosexual and trans friends.
In saying that, I hope that someone on here can give me pointers in how to broaden the horizons of my dear partner. I dont know if he just speaks before he thinks- or if he doesnt think- (or if its because his dad is a bit the same), but my partner subscribes to atrocious stereotypes.
I should point out that hes not violent, and doesnt say these to anyone but me, but some of the more choice examples are:
“I dont think its right that there are so many international uni students, we should give these positions to Australians”
“Gee an asian engineer, thats not a surprise…”
“I dont like it when my (gay) cousin and his boyfriend kiss in front of me, its not right”
I dont know how i can make him see that stereotypes are not only wrong, but they are hurtful. I have tried giving him examples of how hurtful and incorrect he is, but it just makes his opinions quieter, and doesnt change them.
Any reformers or reformed people have any suggestions?
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Was your partner surrounded with racist and homophobic chatter growing up? Does he truly believe what he is saying or is he just repeating the cliches that he grew up with? If it’s the latter, I would suggest that you say to him something like, “before you say that, please be aware it offends me”. Or perhaps have a calm discussion about why he feels that way, why you feel a different way, etc, and agree to disagree. It sounds like he doesn’t want to change his opinions, so it’s really up to you whether you can live with that or not.
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I think hes a combination of both. His father tends towards bigtry, but isnt often outspoken on these issues from what I have seen. I think it also fits the latter because he seems genuinely afraid of what he doesnt understand, so i think he does believe that the (progressive) world is ‘wrong’ on certain issues.
In theory I can live with having to put his opinions in their place on these matters, but it does concern me if we have children that it might rub off on them – despite my best intentions.
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You must really be in love, Anon this time. I’d be way too intolerant to put up with views like that!
My gorgeous Aboriginal friend always says (and lives by) “Racist against one, racist against all” . I’m a massive believer that the personal is the political: who you are and how you live your life is the biggest expression of your personal beliefs.
But that said, I do work with a lot of people with these views and have learnt that being my bolshie self isn’t that helpful. Gentle persuasion, compassionately understanding why people have these views and being opportunistic with windows of changes works better.
Best of luck to you.
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It is so disgusting that people still feel that they can act this way. It is just completely unacceptable. Makes me sad that people are still living so much in the past. Some of the most amazingly cool people I know are gay. If only these jerks would actually look past the fact that gay/lesbians are attracted to the same sex… these homophobes might ALSO realise that they don’t need to be filled with such hate.
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holycrapballs! I think Tom should stop smoking so he doesnt have to worry about bogans and their “straight lighters”?!?!
I really hope your friend is ok and i am so glad u have wonderful friends that will protect your rights as a human! even if it means getting a few stitches! i hate fighting, i think its an absolute waste of time and while people need to get fixed up in hospital because some dickhead thinks its ok to call someone a “faggot” some other person may also need attending to from a car accident or a heart attack! The actions of this looser are just dispicable and i will be teaching my son that if he ever even thinks of acting in such a way he will be disowned! Tolerance starts at home and we need to teach our kids that being gay is just who some people are and there is nothing wrong with it whasoever!
Take care and i really enjoyed your writing!
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I hate what happened to you. But I loved the way you told your story. Your writing is evocative and conversational but your humorous touches keep it very real. Let’s hope that this guy reads this story and is ashamed of his behaviour.
I particularly like that Tom was holding the clutch bag of a girl from the other group!
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Thanks Matt for a great article. I am so appalled by this incident and sadly do think homophobia still exists. Here in regional NSW you don’t have scratch far below the surface to find it. Our children have gay godparents and love them like any other family member. So when I hear ten year old boys and twelve year old girls using the term “gay” as a negative descriptor of … just about anything… it really irks me. I’ve talked about it with my children and they understand the derogatory nature of the term. In fact my son is now faced with his class bully terming anything he doesn’t think is cool as “gay” and has been on the receiving end of this term on numerous occasions. What does this mean that parents must hear their kids saying something is “gay” and not thinking about the ramifications – i.e. anything gay is negative, therefore gay men and women must be a negative. It gets me down. The only thing I can do is try to teach my children well. Sigh.
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The use of “gay” as a negative descriptor bugs the hell out of me as well. It’s not just young kids in regional NSW using it either – you still hear it all the time in certain parts of Sydney from people who are really old enough to know better. It’s very frustrating.
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I hate hearing ‘gay’ used as a negative descriptor. As a teacher, I refuse to allow it to be used in my hearing, and I explain why it (and the ableist terms that often get used) is completely offensive. I’m at a new school this year and haven’t heard those terms used once, which makes me very happy and hopeful
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Yes, of course it still exists…just as racism still exists…but it exists in pockets, not throughout the general population…
I think Mardi Gras had an interesting effect on Sydney as a whole…I think what it has done is generate a overall feeling of acceptance over the general population in Sydney…however, what’s left of homophobia in Sydney is still ugly and violent…the down-side to Mardi Gras is that it has left the homophobes in an “us or them” position and may have even made them more aggressive…they go out looking for fights…
Please don’t judge Sydney by the remaining few bigots in our society…it seems to me no amount of education will ever stop them being haters…
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Well written!
It’s sad but true- when will it stop & how do we do it???
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I shouldn’t be shocked that this still occurs but I am. I am sorry that these knobs behaved in such an appalling way. Here’s hoping they realise that people are people very soon!
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round of applause from me matt.
i really hope the perpetrators are reading this and feeling VERY ashamed.
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This degenerate behaviour needs to stop if we are ever going to progress as a race.
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This story reminds me of two boys I went to high school with. They were both called George and were inseparable, so we called them “Big George” and “Little George”. One was outsized, the other well below average height; both were thugs and bullies. Anyway, Big George and Little George took it upon themselves to victimise anyone they didn’t see as ‘normal’. Many years after high school I woke up one morning and in a moment of blinding clarity realised there was a very good reason the two Georges were inseparable. I wonder how long it took them to work that out about themselves. Perhaps your charming chappy with the ring through his nose is afraid of something he sees in himself.
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That’s absolutely terrrible. Why does a strangers sexuality matter to another stranger? It’s irrational, rude, and reflects poorly on our society as a whole. I went to Pride festival yesterday down in Melbourne’s St Kilda this weekend and it was fantastic. I’m actually a straight female, but have a lovely group of gay and lesbian friends. Not one person asked me about me sexuality or tried to alienate me! I feel sorry for this jerk on the boat that started violence with his hateful vocabulary – he will never know what it’s like to be apart of a community that prefers to love rather than judge.
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Beautifully said ….