By HAYLEY PEARSON
Today my brother would have turned 36.
But instead of having a family dinner and celebrating over birthday cake, I am going with my parents to Encounter Bay to his special part of the beach, where his ashes lie.
Sixteen months on and I still can’t believe I’ve lost my big brother. Every couple of days, it hits me like a bus and I am overwhelmed with loss and a terrible gut-wrenching sadness.
Ryan was an alcoholic and during the last few years of his life I tried absolutely everything to ‘change him’, to stop him from drinking and I could never understand how he could be so selfish and why he always lied to us.
Why couldn’t he just stop drinking? It seems so simple to the rest of us.
But being the sibling of an addict, I have learned so much about addiction and now have compassion and an understanding of the disease and how it can take over your life. The most important fact is that addiction is a disease; a terrible illness.
You see, addicts see their addiction as their God. To my beautiful brother, Vodka ruled his life, day after day. Like most addicts, he would do anything for just one sip, just one fix. That’s why he lied to us and constantly hurt his family so much. It didn’t mean he loved us less – he just simply couldn’t stop.
Top Comments
OMG, Im so sorry to read this.....I knew Ryan, we were very close for a while in 2001 when we met doing a musical, he was a beautiful person and I adored him, sadly we fell out over reasons you have so beautifully stated here.
Over the years Ive often thought of him, and wondered how he was, I just randomly Googled his name today On a whim...and now im sitting here in tears wishing like hell Id fought harder.
Im so sorry for your Beautiful Families loss.
AJ
Hayley,
So sad to come across this and hear how Ryan died. I had been overseas at the time and someone told me of his death but I never knew why. I knew your Mum and Dad well when I was younger. They came to our wedding. Ryan played with the eldest of my children. I can't believe that what happened to Ryan also happened to one of our children. Ours, however, is a positive story. Our child sought help and with that inner strength, rehabilitated, when to university and is a wonderful, wonderful person today. Yes, we still worry but we are in awe of the strength of character in this young person. I do so wish that things could have been different for your family. Give Rosalie and Wayne my love. I think of them often.