There are some really positive run on effects of wedding planning in your very early 20s. When I got married at the tender age of 23 none of my friends had children. This made it very easy to exclude kids from my guest list. There just weren’t any around. No little cousins, no young nieces or nephews in fact I think I may have been one of the youngest people at my own wedding.
But not everybody is as “lucky” as I was.
I know that I have been invited to weddings that seem to go on for ever. The service at 3pm, drinks at 5pm , the reception at 7pm. One wedding I recently attended even had an after-party. That’s a lot of babysitting hours required. Or a complete revision of the wedding so that little people can be included on the guest list.
It seems that people are going to extreme lengths to cater for children on their wedding day offering child minding, child friendly meals and activities for the children (like colouring in, blocks, arts and craft, board games and even jumping castles).
As Australians tie the knot later in life, and head down the aisle more than once, planners say couples increasingly have to debate the kid factor at nuptials.
Some are stating ‘adults-only reception’ to help cut costs while others are asking guests to pay for their children’s meals.
Planning website easyweddings.com.au social media manager Samantha Amjadali said it could be a contentious issue but children at weddings were increasingly being catered for by venues and child-minding businesses.
”If couples don’t invite children to the wedding it usually has more to do with cost-per-head or that the reception venue isn’t child-friendly,” she said.
”Sometimes, it’s genuinely about wanting to give guests who are parents a ‘night off’. But there are plenty of ways to have kids there, a lot of cottage industries have risen up like babysitters who cater especially for weddings.”
The issue is being fiercly debated on easy wedding’s Facebook page, with some dealing with long-running grudges from relatives whose children were not invited.
Some said children were not appropriate at receptions but others said it would be rude to exclude them.
How would you feel about kids at your wedding? Would you be upset if your children were excluded from a wedding guest list?
Comments
389 Comments so far
Yeah only in Western cultures…children are excluded from important family ritual and celebration. At my wedding overseas planned by the groom we had every child in his family sitting at their own table at the party at a hotel (hours after the registry etc) and they behaved as expected because they are always included in every family celebrations. The older kids looked after the youngest ones and they didn’t run around or leave the table and later sang and the girls danced a traditional dance. My parents loved it!
Everyone is so proud of children there whether they are parents or not and also take them to restaurants where the staff bend over backwards to make sure they are happy and you have really friendly fellow diners who have no problem with kids because it is so normal to see children everywhere.
I noticed that everyone just LOVED babies and children even teenage boys like my in-laws and friend’s sons. I would often walk into a room carrying my 3 month old or 14mth old and they would take the baby from me and walk around with him or her. The only time I saw that here was with my niece’s Italian boyfriend with my younger sister’s son.
Then living here experienced the stark contrast ( and other examples too of kid’s exclusion) with a sister’s wedding then a cousin’s wedding. Kids were expected to misbehave etc etc etc and had no place there so not invited.
Wonder if alcohol is a factor? Eg we go out and expect to drink and get drunk and enjoy ourselves and who wants kids there? The only people drinking at my wedding were my parents and the groom. Alcohol and drinking just isn’t something that is part of every life event there eg birth, graduation, 18th, 21st, promotion, birthdays, weddings Xmas NYE etc.
loading...
I am invited to my cousin’s wedding in January…
I am more than expected to attend as I have lived overseas for most of my life and am finally living close to my family again in Melbourne… If I don’t go, I will probably be ignored by my family for well, a long time!
I have a toddler and have been trying to get babysitting for her on the wedding day as I know most brides/grooms would rather do without kids. When I RSVP’d my cousin, she told me pretty much all of my other cousins would be bringing their kids along, including the bride’s sister who has just given birth! Since we will be spending the night at the wedding location, I thought it more sensible to bring my daughter along too. If their wedding was in close vicinity to my house, I would ve gotten a friend to babysit but they chose to have it far away so in my mind, they can’t expect us all to leave our kids behind. Older kids perhaps, but not newborns and toddlers! Especially when I’ve been living in Melbourne for only a few months and don’t trust anyone enough yet to care for my daughter overnight. Thank heavens my cousin is an open-minded and kind soul!
loading...
I was a bridesmaid for a friend in November and she invited us as well as our 2.5yo. She said that our daughter was very much invited but if we wanted a night off it was up to us. We gladly brought her along and my husband had a wonderful night as he was on a table with our close friends and their 6mo. We had colouring, bubbles, balloons, iPad, camera (on which she took some very cute photos) to keep her entertained. Not once did cause a fuss. The reception venue wasn’t overly ‘kid friendly’ but it didn’t need to be. We left just before midnight and stayed at a hotel very close to the restaurant, daughter was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.
I think it is totally up to the bride and groom to decide how they want their wedding to be, I would have gladly had children at my wedding if there were any around.
loading...
The children that came to my wedding were from my husbands side. I wish that their parents kept them home
loading...
We went minus kids. Our own came to the ceremony and a few guest sneaked theirs in, but dinner was adults only. We worked out we could have easily had 50 kids plus if everyone brought their munchkins along – that was more than the adults. We wanted a wedding, not a kids party – go to enough of those at the weekend.
loading...
We have a LOT of littleys in our family – my hubby and I sent our invites to the adults only, as we could not afford to cater for 15+ children, and it didn’t feel right to select a few that we’d like to be there.
This caused a HUGE family drama with my husbands bitchy SIL – and in the end – we bowed to the pressure and found a way to pay for every child…
Bitchy SIL did not come – she did not bring her child (whom we also paid for) & she hasn’t spoken to any of the family now for 6 years…
loading...
It’s crazy how appropriate this subject is for me. I have spent the entire morning googling “kids activities at weddings”. If my fiance didn’t have a daughter there would be ZERO kids coming to our wedding.
But, in saying that, it’ll be pretty easy to keep them occupied for a few hours. I’m putting together a gift bag for each of them (6 kids in total) containing colouring books, crayons, glow sticks, and a disposable camera with a list of things to take photos of (if that makes sense).
I don’t like the idea of having kids at my wedding, but hey, it’s just something I have to accommodate to
loading...
Oh dear, I remember having issues with this when we got married! Mind you, I was more afraid of offending people, while most people seemed so understanding. Inviting children would have added another 20+ people to the guest list, and we had already excluded one side of my family to cut numbers & stick to budget. And because we had said ‘no children’,it didn’t feel fair to allow exceptions, so a blanket ‘no kids’ rule it was. And yes, b’feeding mums would have been a different story, but there weren’t any at the time.
I have 2 children under 5 now, and there is NO WAY I would take them to a wedding! I think it’s unfair to expect young children to sit still, be quiet, don’t touch, stop running… you get the idea! Plus, in the absence of any babysitters, I’d rather stay home and relax, rather than stressing about the effect my tired, bored, slightly crazy children would have on the happy couple and the other guests who were trying to enjoy a special occasion!
loading...
At weddings, I’ve seen children licking the ice sculpture and putting their fingers in the wedding cake. I’ve heard them screaming at the ceremony to the point where no one could hear the vows written by the bride and groom. I don’t think people should consider it inappropriate NOT to invite children to their wedding. I’ve seen many pictures, good times, and just the overall mood of some receptions brought down by unruly kids. I’m not saying all kids are unruly, but I respect those that do not want to have to worry about kids interrupting THEIR day. After all it is THEIR wedding and they should be free to have the day they want without having to worry about children interfering. They have the right not to invite the loud uncle that gets drunk and inappropriate too, but kids are a bit of a wild card.
loading...
This is a tricky one. I think a lot of discussion goes on behind the scenes. I’ve been to weddings where children were nominally not invited, but of course, it’s rude to exclude children who are closely related – so for instance, the brother of the groom brings kids, but cousins don’t. I think that’s fair enough. There has to be a line somewhere, and you may want to avoid having an event with *lots* of kids, but simultaneously not exclude valued members of the close family – and that includes kids, who will look for themselves in photos in years to come.
There’s also the issue of age. You cannot reasonably exclude babes in arms, for instance – and they’re not too much hassle anyway. They can be expected to sleep in a little corner almost as well as they would at home, they don’t eat anything you provide (or certainly no more than a mouthful or two from mum or dad’s plate!), and they don’t take up a seat (some pram / stroller space may be required though).
So it’s a complicated issue, IMO.
loading...
loading...
Not having children at a wedding doesn’t make you a bridezilla. Also it may be that they do want some children at the wedding but not others but to avoid looking bad they put a blanket no children ban on. Some of my friends kids and lovely and would be well behaved and a joy to have around. Some of them are vile little buggers who would ruin the day why the parents smiled indulgently at them. If kids aren’t invited it may be for a variety of reasons. Teach your kids to behave and make them realise that not every occassion is about them having a good time then maybe they would get invited places
loading...
What do you do when the wedding invitation includes only your name, no “+1″ or “guest” included? This has happened to me and I’m torn. I don’t want to attend the reception by myself – I’ve done it before and found it really awkward and not fun – but I know the couple well and I dearly want to be at their wedding. I’ll probably just go alone, but is it really rude to ask the bride if I can bring a date? The wedding is 8 months away.
loading...
If there is no +1 on the invitation, then really, it’s just you who’s been invited. Guest numbers will be calculated carefully, so you must respect that. What if fifteen people all showed up with plus ones who weren’t counted, and the tables were set and meals catered? I’ve attended a wedding as a single only, without knowing more than half a dozen people there, and still had fun.
loading...
That’s what I figured. I guess I was just holding out hope that I could ask for a +1 in a way that was respectful, way ahead of time so that the couple could plan for it. I know nearly all the of the couple’s friends and family so I know that I’ll be one of only a couple of singles – only three. But that’s my problem, not theirs.
I have many friends in common with the bride and groom and they are all partnered to each other, so both sides would have been invited even if they were singles. I just feel a little bit sad and depressed at having to attend alone because I’m not dating someone in the friendship group. However, I know that it’s pretty selfish of me to be worried about this on their big day.
But, definitely, it’s their wedding. They’re paying for the reception, and I completely respect their right to refuse an extra guest whom they don’t know well. I’ll cope, and I’ll have a great time.
loading...
Anonymous, i think you need to grow up a bit. Sorry if that sounds harsh. I just don’t understand why people can’t go to things on their own. I have been to a wedding on my own where the only person I knew was the bride. I didn’t even know the groom. Weddings are fun times and generally people are in agood mood. Go with an open mind and meet some people. Be brave!
loading...
That is harsh, actually. You seem like an outgoing person so I know that you can’t imagine what it’s like to be shy and inhibited. It’s not that easy. Excuse me for not being thrilled about having no one to dance with.
Like I said, I will be going to the wedding. Alone. I’m not looking forward to it but I will go and I will have a good time.
loading...
Totally get where you’re coming from- and definitely don’t feel guilty about the wish to have a guest to share the wedding with, it’s totally normal. My only suggestion is be bold, and be the one to ask another guest to dance, (married, partnered or single!). Have a great time
loading...
You said yourself you know many others going.. I think as far as a date goes, you are being a but immature. It would be different if you knew noone, only the bride or groom, but there are lots of people you can socialise with. You said yourself, you’re friends with them so shyness won’t be a factor.
loading...
I say leave the kids at home. A wedding is supposed to be a once in a lifetime occassion for the happy couple so unless they specifically invite your children, don’t bring them.
I once babysat 6 kids at a wedding reception because the bride didn’t want the kids at the actual dinner. That was difficult because they all knew their mummies were in the next room. They should have just sent them home after the ceremony, but hey worked out well for me
loading...
I absolutely did not want children at my wedding, unfortunately my husband’s sister could not understand this so I ended up with her 2 young & poorly behaved children at both the ceremony & reception (thank goodness she decided to have a friend pick up the youngest after he almost toppled the cake). She was highly offended that I had even suggested they didn’t come, she told me I’d understand when I had kids of my own….I now have an almost 2 year old & feel exactly the same way. I probably wouldn’t take my son to a wedding even if he was invited, I quite enjoy nights out without him & I don’t think this makes me a bad mother. I also know he’d be tired & bored by 6.30, so it’s not really fair to him either.
Having kids at weddings just seems like yet another example of people treating children as mini adults, not the children they actually are!
loading...
I think the main thing would be to respect the couples wishes. If they invite children then that’s great, if not don’t bring your children. A wedding should be the couple’s day and its a privilige to celebrate their love with them- not a right. If children are invited parents should take responsibility for them and not let them run rampant and ruin the occasion.
loading...
Oops! Sorry for the double post!
loading...
I think the main thing would be to respect the couples wishes. If they invite children then that’s great, if not don’t bring your children. A wedding should be the couple’s day and its a privilige to celebrate their love with them- not a right. If children are invited parents should take responsibility for them and not let them run rampant and ruin the occassion.
loading...
Don’t you think that as a society we have gone too far down the “princess and perfectly clean & commercial wedding day” as laid out in glossy wedding industry mags?
where does our culture come from? village style celebrations. With a bit of beauty and random chaos as children provide. Can you imagine if in the past we said “no children”? I am not a social historian of the wedding ceremony, but I do know that in the past anyone could go to the church part of the wedding – it is a public ceremony.
Okay then, what did people do after? all parade through the village to somewhere to eat, sing, dance and make merry. It makes me think we have become too precious and stultified in our attitudes.
People complain about how dreadful it is to be next to a child in a cafe/airplane/bus/anywhere else where they don’t want to be bothered with other people’s “problems”. It is kind of the opposite to an inclusive society?
Does anyone remember the wedding scene in the first Godfather movie? Now that is a gorgeous, romantic wedding. And everyone was there.
loading...
Hear hear, kate,you’ve articulated my thoughts beautifully.
loading...
“People complain about how dreadful it is to be next to a child in a cafe/airplane/bus/anywhere else where they don’t want to be bothered with other people’s “problems”. It is kind of the opposite to an inclusive society?”
In the romanticised days of yore that you have depicted there, adults were well within their rights to remonstrate with others’ kids. And THAT is the problem. These days those of us who have either raised good, well-behaved kids OR have chose to be childfree (which is a perfectly valid life path today) have to put up with ill-disciplined and unruly kids while their parents beam on indulgently and WE become the monsters if we dare to comment.
loading...
Well, reading your input all I can do is wish you good luck with the next 5 or 6 decades of continual anticipated disapproval and or indignant bristling every time you have the misfortune come across kids/families.
loading...
If there is any misfortune that any child encounters it is statisticallly more likely to come at the hands of its own parents. My “indigant bristling” is a trifle compared what children suffer at the hands of their own parents.
loading...
I’ll try not to traumatise mine too much in their childhood so they’ll pump out some rugrats of their own – then they’ll all pop in a few tax dollars towards subsidising fees for your comfy (great-grandspawn-free, of course) nursing home and safe footpaths for your go-fer in your dotage, OK?.
loading...
LOL. I’m glad all the tax dollars I paid for your baby bonus, childcare rebates etc etc etc ad nauseum have gone to good use.
loading...
I didn’t use child care as I stayed at home until they went to school, my OH paid more than enough tax dollars to compensate you for the 1 out of my three born in time for the original baby bonus.
loading...
We had 300 ppl at our wedding. If we invited kids, it would have been 400. In my view, kids don’t have any place at a wedding – weddings are expensive and it’s an adults only event!
loading...
Weddings, engagement parties and even kids birthday parties are not an outing for the entire family – unless the invitation says so. So if someones name is not on the invitation and its doesnt say ‘and family’ they are not invited. People will be offended if they turn up.
The host is entitled to invite whoever they choose and that should be respected.
loading...
I’ve read so many of everyone’s briiliant posts, more than I thought I would- they have made me wish I was going to a wedding today – they truly are life’s great comedy/drama, hope those marrying soon have a memorable day and those attending as guests, cherish the honor of those words ‘we request the pleasure of your company at our wedding….’
loading...
I think it’s ok for kids to be invited to weddings, but it’s the bride and groom’s choice- if they request no children come, then the guests should respect that.
An evening/night reception is hardly an appropriate place for children to be, especially if they get all grumpy and tired!
When i get married i think i’ll invite children who are family and/or close friends, i like the idea of the whole family being together and children make up a part of it.
I was actually a flower girl when i was 2.5 for a family friend- i spent a majority of the ceremony doing somersaults down the aisle of the church and rolling around on the floor with my legs up everywhere! I think that screams ‘bored toddler!’
loading...
We didn’t invite children to our wedding. Despite that, one of my husband’s relations brought his child – a misbehaving two year old. When my Mum and Mother-in-law spotted the offending couple, they asked them to stay outside during the service as my husband and I didn’t want a child screaming down the house while we took our vows.
There was no mention of the child’s name on the invitation so there shouldn’t have any confusion. No name, no invite for your child.
loading...
I think that some people forget that by having a “no kids” wedding, they are adding yet another expense for guests who are parents. On top of the expenses for a wedding gift, hens/bucks night, often transport and accommodation, suit hire, new dress etc, there is then a babysitting expense too! This can make weddings a very expensive exercise for parents.
I really appreciate when people invite my children to a wedding – it is then my choice whether they attend or not….
loading...
Yeah but don’t you have to pay for babysitting any time you go out. It’s not like it’s a wedding exclusive thing.
loading...
Yes, whenever I go out at night and don’t take my children, I need to pay a babysitter. Usually, that’s my choice. When people say they are having no children at their wedding “to give the parents a night off” then (unless they provide a babysitter) I’m then obligated to pay to have my childrn looked after. Not my choice… Very expensive when an afternoon wedding s followed by an evening reception. Unfortunately finances are a factor for many parents. I prefer to choose when I have a night off, not have others make that decision for me. Even tougher at “destination weddings”…
loading...
“I prefer to choose when I have a night off, not have others make that decision for me. ”
Make that decision FOR YOU? Are you for real?! No-one is forcing you to attend their event when they invite you. And that the key word; invite. It is their event. Who are you, as a guest, to dictate the terms of your invitation?
loading...
Errrr, but you expect them to pay to feed your child at the reception? Double standards much?
loading...
Wouldn’t the world be really sad if kids weren’t aloud at weddings?! What’s next? Kids excluded from Birthday parties, christmases…
How should kids learn how to behave or have fun at a wedding or meet new and totally strange kids and play with them if not at a wedding? If your kid is not behaving, well that’s a good opportunity to teach them.
One of my earliest and best memories from a festivity is from the wedding of my aunty.
I think it’s all getting too formal and all about the money these days.
loading...
Whilst i get what you are saying, If your child has not learnt how to behave in social settings I don’t want my big day being training ground – sorry.
And I don’t think weddings are becoming too formal – it is going the other way. I recent went to a wedding where the location and the invite deemed ‘formal’ today interpretation of formal is shocking!!!
loading...
I didn’t mean it really like that, I was more trying to say, that we learn from our childhood on: etiquette for example or about traditions/ways to celebrate weddings,or for some families it’s one of few opportunities to actually see or catch up with family members.
loading...
“…for some families it’s one of few opportunities to actually see or catch up with family members.”
Then why don’t you plan a family reunion? When the couple marries, it is their big day. It is not about you. I agree with Singleinoz — my party is not a training ground for a parent who considers your suggestion ” If your kid is not behaving, well that’s a good opportunity to teach them.” because in my experience, too many parents don’t because they want the night off from parenting and so some other unfortunate soul has to rein in the bad kids.
“What’s next? Kids excluded from Birthday parties, christmases…” Last I checked, whoever hosts the party determine the guest list and uninvited guests do not show up. THAT is learning about ettiquette.
To my knowledges there has been no edict that stated that private parties — whether they are weddings/birthdays/Xmas — are an equal opportunity social service.
loading...
I completely agree with this comment that kids need to learn to behave at fancy events and they learn this from parents. There is nothing worse than kids being avoided because parents cant deal with them. The trouble is the misbehaved ones that havent been taught. I come from a large family and would have 1/3rd of guests being children at my wedding. I think if you want kids at your wedding you need to go informal, drop the dress code and have the reception at a hall or someones house. I am in my 20′s and all of my friends have chosen the formal event with kids not-allowed.
loading...
I think it is up to the couple if they invite children or not. The only exception to this rule would probably be for a newborn. My baby was 2months old and breastfeeding regularly when we were invited to a friends wedding. I discussed the situation with them and they had no problems with me bringing my baby. She slept through the ceremony and we left the reception quite early (probably more to do with me nodding off at the table than a crying baby!)
loading...
I love kids at weddings
loading...
Me too !
I’m bloody sick of mini vol-au-vents and the other crap that they try to pass off as nibbles before you get to the meal.
loading...
It always amazes me when people make a huge fuss of who is invited! If kids are not invited…then kis are not invited! they take up a seat, they cost usually around the same price per head and they run around all night and annoy the crap out of people! I have a son and am pregnant and unless it was a very casual afternon type wedding, i wouldnt want him at a formal wedding! One wedding we went to recently so many kids were invited. The two little girls would not leave me alone! Like to the point i was trying to hide behind my husband cos i just wanted to sit and chat with my girlfriends and enjoy a night out! These girls wanted to play silly games and non stopped asked me questions while im in adult conversation as well as adults being drunk all around! I actually had a very horrible night! We were also asked by a couple to watch their sleeping twins in the pram while they went and did god knows what and when one of the kids woke up we spent forever looking for this couple while their kid screamed for their mum! seriously…just leave the kids at home! enjoy a night out! if an invite says you and your partner…it doesnt mean you and your partner and kids…if they want kids the kids names will be included or the word family will be on the invite…be respectful of what the couple wants…its not your wedding its theirs, and what ever their reasons are for not having kids there is their business and their right! just respect it
loading...
Not all weddings have to be the same. I think it’s totally up to each different couple. I certainly wanted my niece and nephews at my wedding because they are a massive part of my life. They were around before I met my husband and I would never have celebrated my special day without them. However I don’t want the children of my some of my husband’s work mates (who I don’t even know) there. Totally unneccessary. If you have children in your life who are very special, invite them It doesn’t mean you have to have an ‘all children welcome’ rule. And as the bride and groom, you don’t need to justify your decisions to anyone. Just because you didn’t want children at your wedding, doesn’t mean other people shouldn’t. It’s not a ‘one rule fits everyone’ scenario.
loading...
It totally depends on the type of wedding that you want to have. There is no one-size-fits-all rule. You are also entitled to invite some children and not others.
If the children are invited, they should be named on the invitation. If they are not named, then it means they’re not invited. Neither the hosts nor the guests should assume either way – make it clear, just like you would for a partner.
loading...
Has anyone thought to ask the children if they even want to go? My sons breathe a sigh of relief when they’re not invited to weddings – far too boring for them!
Also – some common sense from all those posters below huffing and puffing about kids being left out. For heavens sake – if you’ve paid $200 per head and having your reception at the Park Hyatt – then isn’t it obvious that kids won’t be included? On the other hand, a garden or beach wedding – seems a bit mean spirited to have no kids.
loading...
I agree with this esp the latter part re mean spiritness.
loading...
Obviously, you can’t ask a baby or toddler if he/she would like to come to the wedding.
I think when many of the commenters have said ‘no kids’, they mean kids who are young enough to inadvertently disrupt the day’s events.
loading...
I am sorry just cause you are having a beach wedding doesn’t mean you are a bitch or ‘mean spirited’ if you don’t want kids there.
It is the bride and grooms day – their money. They get to decide.
loading...
I agree – we had a very relaxed backyard, surprise wedding and still didn’t invite kids
loading...
How did you have a ‘surprise’ wedding and requested no kids? If any parents brought their kids, like the two yr old child you mentioned in your other post, it’s not the parents fault… And being a backyard wedding, instead of asking the parents to ‘stand outside the service’ while you did your vows, I’m sure there is plenty of room for one child?? Just seems a bit uptight with both your mothers ushering the couple out of the wedding
loading...
When we attend weddings the receptions are usually in the evening, starting around 8 pm, so we don’t take our kids. I am surprised though how many people do show up with kids – even babies in prams! That they put in the corner to sleep. I usually like to have fun at weddings with my husband and also I think it would be too late for the kids, but we have taken them to a few afternoon weddings after confirming it was ok. I understand though if it isn’t. Nothing personal.
loading...
How cute is the little ‘princess’ in this photo….this is why kids should be on the invite list…..
loading...
She looks bored out of her mind. Not cute. I feel sorry for her.
loading...
I would think an evening reception would immediately exclude at least small children. Having pre-school aged kids myself, the last thing I would want is to have 3 small, over tired and therefore rather feral children to look after in a formal dining venue!
That being said, to avoid any problems at our wedding we had a big afternoon tea for everyone who came to the ceremony while we were having our photos done so all the kids were involved in that. They all had baskets of rose petals to throw when the bridal party arrived at the venue and it was a really nice way for everyone to relax and mingle before the proper reception in the evening which was adults only.
loading...
Slighty off subject, but just wondering what peoples thoughts on guests wearing white to a wedding are?
A “friend” wore white to my wedding which I didn’t have a problem with ( I did have a problem with her acting like a complete trashbag all night and stealing my husband jacket with our room key… But that’s a looong story!!)
But HEAPS of our guest were very upset by this girls wearing white….
Would love to hears others thought!!
loading...
It’s a big no no, it’s basic etiquette which you’d think everyone would be aware of. You can wear white every other day of your life so I don’t see why anyone would insist on wearing it to a wedding, unless you’re an attention seeker with no manners, that is.
loading...
Honestly, I wouldn’t do it.
But if you are the bride and someone does it at your wedding, you have two options: 1) ignore it and graciously overlook it while enjoying your wedding day, or 2) be a total bitch, cause a scene and come off as totally insecure in front of everyone you know.
loading...
What about black? I was always told this was a no-no but it seems to becoming commonplace, especially for formal weddings. Anyone?
loading...
I’m a bridesmaid for my sister’s wedding in October and she’s actually asked all the b/maids to wear white! I’ve only seen it once before, but she wasn’t worried about wanting to be the only one in white for her day.
loading...
My bridesmaids wore white 16 years ago! I love an all white wedding.
loading...
At two separate weddings I have attended, brides have opted to wear colour instead of white.
I think that if the bride is choosing to forego tradition, it’s open for everybody to wear whatever they want (provided that you don’t wear a full length white gown).
I think an even bigger no-no is knowing what colour the bridesmaids are wearing and selecting something in a similar colour or shade. Honest mistakes happen, but if you know the colours that the bridal party are wearing you should steer clear as a common courtesy!
loading...
I dont think white is an issue unless it looks like a wedding dress.Then again, I don’t think i’d really care myself.
loading...
I think it’s rude. A guest wore white to my wedding and I didn’t really mind – it’s not like anyone was going to mistake her for me! – but I still registered it as a bit rude.
loading...
I never wear white so it’s not usually an issue for me, however, I would assume it’s quite annoying and bad manners for anyone other than the bride to wear white – it’s her day to stand out. The only time I came close (actually more than close, embarrassingly so) was when I attended the wedding of a good mate of my husband’s. We had only met his bride a few times, but got along really well and appreciated that we were both redheads. Until the wedding day when I wore a beautiful emerald green dress…and so did she!
loading...
We went with ‘no kids’ at our wedding. The ceremony was at 6pm in the reception venue. We didn’t want bored kids running around and thought the adults would enjoy an evening out. We were completely unprepared for the saga it created with some of our relatives!! In the end the kids (my cousins’ kids) came to watch the ceremony and went home shortly after. My sister’s experience however was far worse. Her parents-in-law threatened to boycott the wedding if the nephews and nieces were not invited. My sister and BIL held fast though (mainly due to the capacity of the reception venue and the number of kids that would have to be invited), and the in-laws did attend, but it took several years for my sister to get back on good terms with them.
I hear you Olivia – I still cannot comprehend why someone (anyone!) being invited to a wedding thinks it’s acceptable to question the terms of the invitation or the decision of the ‘inviters’.
loading...
We had family children (ie nieces and nephews) but not friend children.
Inviting all of those kids would have easily added another 50 people to our guest list. We didn’t get one gripe from anybody about this. Nor would I expect people to invite our kids.
I may add my children (from a previous relationship) were in the bridal party as was my one yr old niece. My kids stayed all night and danced and had a great time. My niece went home after the ceremony with her other grandparents. Her mother ( my sister) actually insisted on this so she could enjoy my wedding and being a bridesmaid.
Some places just aren’t for kids.
loading...
Wow I found this article little sad… I also was married at the reasonably young age of 21. We had the most beautiful church service and wonderful (though still extremely cheap) reception, this was 13 years ago ……there was lovely but minimal fuss food, a limited amount of alcohol and my friends and fam still talk about it…. reason being….we had old school music playing ie Dolly Parton, bee gees, guns n roses, Bon Jovi, Donna Fargo etc and all the little kiddies in there gorgeous outfits with no shoes waltz around on the grass with adults and the other children, was such a splendid time, would love to relive it…
anyway thats why this article made me a little sad..if you are planning a wedding that would be destroyed if a child rocked up, in my opinion your getting married for all the WRONG reasons….xoxo
loading...
What about for a couple who don’t want children? Granted that some people might find it adorable but not everyone would.
Also a baby or toddler screaming throughout a wedding ceremony or reception is NOT cute
loading...
Holy s@#t there is a crying baby at our wedding ceremony, call it all off our marriage is doomed.
I respect that some couples do not want children, kids, among other things, are hard work…but really my point or opinion is, if you are going to be that stiff at your wedding, that you can’t get over, noise, or split drinks or that the focus is not on you the ‘bride’ because there are cute, loud children around that people are looking at instead of you, then you need to get over yourself, rethink why you are actually having a wedding and readjust….the last wedding we went to was ‘no children’ allowed it was so dull and all about the bloody photos, the only fun and smiling to be had was when the camera was out, for the facebook profile….yuck so fake
loading...
I think you are being rather simplistic. Unless you are getting married in a club or hall, most wedding reception venues charge over $100pp and have limited space. If people dont want that space taken up by children and would rather invite more of their own friends or they dont want to pay $60 for kids meals that is their right. Some children just dont behave well, which is usually their parents fault. But I dont see why a couple who have likely spent 12 months and a lot of money to plan their special day has to invite a child or children who they know well enough to know their presence will be unpleasant and disruptive.
I wrote earlier, we went to a wedding last year where several children RAN laps around the wedding cake table. Before it had been cut. They inched closer and closer to it before a waiter moved them away. Their parents, who we know, were sitting back laughing. Same people who told us we were being mean for leaving our kids at home, mind you. They take their kids with them everywhere and they behave the same way everywhere they go. They refuse to attend functions when their children arent invited. But they cant see that their kids are horrors who shouldnt be going to functions until they have learned how to behave.
loading...
Lovelife you sound so opinionated here.
Many people want their wedding to be heard and having your snotty nosed brat carrying on is just out of order.
loading...
So you can’t have fun around adults? That’s like the opposite complaint of yours, you can’t have fun unless there’s kids around
loading...
A mother in law crying and moaning loudly during the ceremony is no picnic either (seriously happened at my wedding). My M-I-L did not think I was “the one” and she was hysterical and rose from the table at the reception and ran out screaming. We are still married 35 years later, but you don’t forget these things, try as you might. A wedding is just one day, that is true, but it is an important day and the bride and groom’s day. Everyone ought to be able to accept that.
loading...
lovelifexoxo posted “in my opinion your [sic] getting married for all the WRONG reasons….xoxo”
Awwwww…so the little “xoxo” takes off the nastiness off your offensive remark, amirite?
“Holy s@#t there is a crying baby at our wedding ceremony, call it all off our marriage is doomed.”
Hyperbole much? Some people do not want kids at their wedding for any reason they choose inasmuch they do not want any other *uninvited* guests there.
For me, I do not want kids of my own.I know from experience that, if one hosts an event, there is always that ONE kid whose parents will let run riot because they think a party is their night off. I do not want kids present at social events that I host.What is so difficult to understand about that?
What’s it to you if total strangers out there are getting married without disruptive children present at their reception?Yanno, THEIR party not some obligatory social service. What are you; some kind of control-freak? I suggest that YOU are the one who needs to get over themselves.
loading...
When you have a baby it’s so all comsuming that you can forget that everyone elses life doesnt revolve around your child. I think that is the main point here.
loading...
so true
loading...
Another thing to mention – as someone in their early 30′s, I was not invited to one family or other wedding as a child. I am not damaged because of it. Now it seems parents feel some sort of self entitlement that their little darlings should go everywhere with them. One night in the grand scheme of things won’t kill you.
loading...
sorry to hear that Toby, wish you all the best for your little darlings…. when you have them you’ll understand then…there will be times that you are just about to go completely insane but you still want to share the beauty of life with them
loading...
Sorry anonoymous but even when / if I have kids, the last place I would like to take them to is a wedding.
My friends all said they were looking forward to a night along with their husbands at our weddings, minus kidlets. Whether they were just being polite, who knows but they seemed to have fun.
Honestly, I would be happy to have a babysitter and have a night drinking wine and eating great food, even with a family.
If you can’t manage that for one night, really?
loading...
“when you have them you’ll understand then…there will be times that you are just about to go completely insane but you still want to share the beauty of life with them”
Ah the ultimate condescending comment. And maybe some day you will understand that there will be times when other people will not want to share the beauty of life with your kids so they will ask that you leave them at home when attending a wedding.
loading...
Someone elses’ wedding is not an opportunity for you to show your kids “the beauty of life”. Go and collect autumn leaves or visit a farm or grow some seeds on the window sill or something.
But it is not reasonable for you to expect a couple to fork out cash for your kid to wail throughout their ceremony and throw food on the floor on THEIR day, when you are perfectly welcome to show your kids “the beauty of life” on any other day of the year.
This is not a “only parents can understand” thing – it’s basic courtesy and respect.
loading...
Got ourselves a couple of bridezillas here me thinks…..
its my day and its my dress and its my money and its my photos and its my speeches, Ive been planning this for my whole life and noones gonna ruin it…now get the camera out and take some photos for my facebook profile……really girls seriously get over yourselves at least for one day….
OK your opinion is obviously no kids my opinion is that its not your day….its a day you SHARE with the people you love….its not all about u and its definetly not about the photos or the wedding video…….we get invited to weddings because we are loved ones not because we look hot in the photos…..
PS toby you cant drink wine when your breastfeeding
loading...
Where did Toby mention breastfeeding…? And what on earth has photos and Facebook got to do with this article? What odd comments you’ve made.
I don’t think labelling someone a Bridezilla just because they don’t want someone else’s kids at their wedding is fair at all, it actually IS the bride and groom’s day…and a lot of time and effort and planning goes into it… it’s their one day to celebrate their marriage as they see fit…it’s not your day and who are you to tell them who they should or shouldn’t invite?
The bride and groom will invite the people they want to share their day with… if it doesn’t include your kids then take the hint!
loading...
Bridezilllllas maybe you should get over yourself and realise that someone else’s wedding isn’t all about YOU – it’s THEIR wedding day for goodness sake. tehy are entitled to do whatever they want as I am sure you did or would want to do at your own wedding.
If you are their loved on then respect their right to do whatever they bloody well want to on THEIR wedding day.
loading...
I am getting married and its costing me a fortune. My friends and family are sharing in the celebration. So yes, it is my day. If I am havinga child-free wedding, you should respect it.
loading...
wow…..why would a wedding be costing a fortune?….think people are missing the whole concept of weddings these days…..to me weddings are a day to express, commit and share your love for each other…I would hate to be left with a bank loan because of this.. but I have my opinion and i acknowledge that you have yours…..
loading...
What are you talking about.. weddings are a celebration and acknowledgement of the love between the bride and groom. Not a celebration of each and every guest. It IS their day that they are sharing with their loved ones.
loading...
“wish you all the best for your little darlings…. when you have them you’ll understand then…there will be times that you are just about to go completely insane but you still want to share the beauty of life with them”
I want to share the beauty of life with mine, but definately not by taking them to a wedding!!
loading...
I think if you expect people to travel great distances you should invite kids as they wou
D have no one to watch them. All my friends travelled a long way so kids were invited and catered for with special seating and activites.
It is really about manners to me- I new my friends couldn’t come without kids so they were included and they added to the day and had a great time.
loading...
I don’t get how people think they have the right to get upset about the way another couple chooses to conduct THEIR wedding. If they want to have kids there, or no kids – or whatever else. I’ve seen people get annoyed with others for choosing not to have flower girls or boys, whether they ask for money or have a gift registry, where they make people drive to in order to attend, whether the wedding is old fashioned and traditional or modern and off beat etc etc etc.
It’s ONE DAY, and it’s THEIR DAY – so let them spend their day the way they want and just fit in with it, don’t complain, and just enjoy the celebration.
loading...
Maybe its just me but I’ve never been to a wedding where the kids were badly behaved enough to impact on the adults having fun. If anything we had to hunt the kids down to find out where they were and what they were doing. When I was a kid we all just did our own thing. Doesn’t it work like that in other families?
loading...
I don’t understand why you would want to bring kids to a wedding. Enjoy your night off. I had a child free wedding but was forced to invite my cousins small children but that’s another story.
loading...
I never went to weddings as a kid and I am not emotionally damaged by it..
loading...
I have two points-
1. I actually prefer when my children are not invited as I love to get rip roaring drunk at weddings and don’t drink excessively in front of the kids.
2. I choose not to get offended unless someone means to offend me. People planning their weddings don’t think ‘Aha! This will really piss the mums and dads off!’ They always have their own reasons and it is their special day.
loading...
Yes! Well said.
loading...
When I married my partner a few years back it was never a question. Our friends kids are part of our life so we named them all on the wedding invites. Several mates came up on the day saying how surprised they were to ahve their kids invited and it really made them happy and relaxed to not have to worry about babysitters. Sure there was a some madness, some crying and some running up the aisle but it was such a beautiful madness I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
loading...
I’ve been at wedding where very similar things have happened and no actual children were involved!
loading...
I haven’t been invited to a wedding in aaaages. Everyone I know is married. I’d LOVE a chance to dress up, shed a few tears, have a nice meal and a boogie! But I know if I was invited there is NO WAY I’d be taking the kids even if they WERE invited! Me and my hubby would be out the door without them the minute the invite came in the door!
loading...
I think kids are fine at weddings – when they are invited…and it’s also fine for them not to be invited. The day belongs to the soon-to-be newly weds – totally up to them what kind of event they want and whether they do or do not want to cater (as in food/babysitters/entertainment) for children.
I don’t understand people getting upset when children aren’t invited. Children weren’t invited to our wedding – including my nephew (and my sister and her husband and my nephew came over from the US) as well as my husband’s nieces and nephews (and now they are all our nieces and nephews). We had them come for the ceremony and photos and then the babysitter that I arranged for my sister took over and my husband’s nieces and nephews were looked after by…well, I don’t know – their parents arranged for the care of their children. And no one was upset by this. It’s how we wanted it and everyone respected our wishes.
oh – and we love our nieces and nephews and have them over to our place on a regular basis – it’s just that we didn’t want children at our wedding party.
loading...
PS – my sister, on the other hand, had a destination wedding in the US (close-ish to where she lives, but requiring a weekend away from home for most). Children were welcome and were all asked to be part of the ceremony (very casual outdoor setting, the children all held on to a ribbon and walked down the aisle). However, children were not welcome at the party – my sister arranged for a babysitter to watch them in their bungalow (we were at a kind of campy place with little cabins)…not sure what they did for food?? It was really nice – the children were all picked up by their parents at the end of the night and carried to their family bungalow.
loading...
I’m getting married later this year & we are inviting kids because I don’t want to deal with the hassle of people whinging. Unfortunately it has put up the cost a lot. To be honest I don’t know why people complain when their kids aren’t invited. I always prefer to not take my child to a wedding. The few times I’ve had to take her I really didn’t have a good time at all. I missed all the important bits, vows, cake cutting, first dance etc because I was conscious of her bothering other people. I am concerned that others won’t be so considerate at my wedding & I am dreading hearing kids carrying on when I say my vows. I know I’m a total killjoy aren’t I.
loading...
Don’t do it. They will get over it but you will remember this day always. It’s YOUR day. Do it your way :0)
loading...
When I was planning my wedding my future MIL said ok to no kids when posed as a question, a week later she said that if the kids are not attending then we won’t attend. I said “ok, we will miss having you there!”
weirdly the mother would have accepted the no kids,,,,
Do what you want, if they are offended Then they are not there to celebrate for and with you. Isn’t that what you do on a wedding day celebrate.
Can I say my one memory of those children was the 7 yr old, eating a red icy pole, behaving badly, the child was told settle down, stop showing off- and she said ” mummy I need one of my tablets” (-Ritalin) because Im being silly…. But thats another issue.
loading...