I’m 25 years old, and married to a cold and unemotional man. Before I met him, I was in a long-term relationship with a man who had similar problems. He wasn’t as “into” the relationship as I was.
He was kind with a great sense of humour though, and very talkative. In hindsight, he was far warmer than my now-husband. But at the time, I felt like the relationship was very one-sided, so I broke it off – determined to find a man who was as passionate about me as I was about him.
Then I met Adam*. When we met, we were crazy about each other and he was extremely loving, passionate and attentive. Needless to say I was ecstatic to love someone so much and be loved the same in return.
Two years later this wild, passionate man had done a complete 180. Now, Adam doesn’t even talk to me. He doesn’t pay much attention to me. He doesn’t even seem to see me. He comes home, grunts at me, and plays video games. Sometimes when I try to go near him, he visibly moves away from me.
We got married very quickly and have only been together three years. I maintain my appearance, have my own hobbies, and do everything I can do be a good wife while still giving him plenty of space. But space seems to be all he wants.
A few months ago, he told me he was falling out of love with me, but still wanted to try and make it work. We went to marriage counseling and spent a lot of time working through it, but I can’t get over the heartbreak. I also don’t trust him anymore – how do I know if he loves me now? He doesn’t communicate how he’s feeling, so I never know what’s going through his head. Talking just doesn’t work because he gets angry, defensive, and unresponsive.
I’m really lonely and just want to be with the man I love. But it hurts to think he doesn’t love me back, and I think I’m beginning to resent him for it.
I’m just trying to figure out…
1) Is it just me? After all, this seems to be a pattern, judging by my past relationship. Do I have some sort of past childhood issues that are causing this problem? Or am I just unlovable?
2) Are all men like this? Am I expecting too much?
3) Does he have issues? Do I deserve more?
4) Am I overthinking it?
* Names changed.
The author of this post is known to Mamamia, but has chosen to remain anonymous.
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