BY MIA FREEDMAN
The first time I was sexually harassed at work, I didn’t know what it was. Same with the second and third and fourth times.
It happened when I was working as a waitress in a restaurant after I’d left school. The owner was a loud, charismatic European guy in his 50s with a big family and there were two waitresses, me and another girl.
It began as comments about my appearance – often in his own language which he would helpfully translate. “Beautiful wet girl” he would growl at me sexually as I walked past him throughout the night between the restaurant floor and the kitchen.
It was annoying and off-putting and it made me intensely uncomfortable. Later, it would make me quite scared. But I had no name for it. “He’s a bit of a sleaze” I said to the other waitress one night when we were out of earshot. She nodded and rolled her eyes. She’d been there longer than me but she was on a working visa so she knew her position was more tenuous.
I decided the best approach was to ignore his comments which were growing more full-on with each shift I worked.
He then started brushing up against me in the kitchen – away from the eyes of customers who all thought he was a large and lively legend- after I’d cleared tables. My arms were full so I couldn’t push him away. It happened a couple of times, at which point I quit. I had begun to dread going to work and was starting to feel unsafe.
It never occurred to me to report him or lodge some kind of official complaint. To my 18 year old mind, he was just a sleazy guy being a sleaze and I just had to cop it. It’s not like the restaurant had an HR department.
How times have changed. Sexual harrassment is now widely recognised as a crime. You can’t pinch the bottom of a female (or male) employee or co-worker. You can’t make suggestive comments or sexual propositions.
I’m thrilled that no daughter or niece of mine will have to quit her job because of sexual harassment. Or will she?
The Australian Human Rights Commission describes sexual harassment as” any unwanted or unwelcome sexual behaviour, which makes a person feel offended, humiliated or intimidated.” It is not interaction flirtation or friendship – it is sexual discrimination.
Despite the fact that is has now been outlawed in Australia for over 25 years (can you imagine working conditions before then?) it is still a huge problem, with 1 in 5 women and 1 in 20 men affected. And equally appalling is the fact that there is still a huge onus on the victim to prove sexual harassment and regardless of gender (as we’ve seen with this week’s allegations by James Ashby against federal MP Peter Slipper – read more about that here), the accuser is often targeted by dirt and slurs on their character.
Too often the victim becomes the accused.
ABC Online reported on a new study that found that complainants are far more likely to leave the company than the alleged perpetrators. A study by the Centre for Work and Life at the University of South Australia examined every formal complaint lodged with anti-discrimination bodies in all states and the Commonwealth in the second half of 2009.
Paula McDonald, one of the report’s authors and an Associate Professor at the Queensland University of Technology says of the perpetrator “Sometimes they receive a formal sanction, sometimes they resign or are dismissed by the organisation, but in this study only 10 per cent of perpetrators resigned or were dismissed compared to 60 per cent of complainants who ended up resigning or who were dismissed as a consequence of victimisation after making a complaint.”
And when asked about the actual victims, Paula says “Potential complainants are very much aware of… the repercussions that might come their way, the negative fallout that often happens when they make a complaint in an organisation or elsewhere. Certainly… those potential detriments or perceived detriments serve to silence a lot of complainants who would otherwise file a formal grievance. “
So how far have we really come?
Have you ever been the victim of sexual harassment at work? Have you reported it? How was it handled?
Comments
141 Comments so far
I’m so thankful I’ve never experienced sexual harassment in the workplace. But I do have friends who have and haven’t reported it.
Harassment can make you feel so vulnerable and powerless that it’s sometimes hard to find the power to fight back. I hope that I will be able to find the strength and support to report it if it ever happens to me.
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I agree that we haven’t really come that far. It isn’t only sexual harassment arena that makes the power differential between employers and employees (or, more senior and less senior employees) so evident.
As a casual worker, if you mention anything about whether award wages are being paid, whether entitlements are being given out as they should, about whether you are getting enough super/having it paid on time/allowed to choose your own fund, or any other matter where the employer feels ‘entitled’ to do what they want, and you’re just as likely to not have any shifts the next week.
Employers naturally hold power over employees; ignoring sexual harassment claims (or finding reasons to let the complainant go) is just one of the symptoms.
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My last job had that kind of financial abuse – no-one felt secure and any questioning of any aspect of the management would lead to less and less work and delays in payments. In some ways it’s trickier than sexual harrassment because it’s hard to pin down discrete incidents. Good to be out of there.
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I once worked in a deli at Safeway (I started in year 10 and finished at the end of year 12). There was a creepy guy who was in his late thirties, he used to call me major melons. I was pretty shy back then and didn’t say anything! I wish I had the balls to report him.
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I find it appalling that this still goes on and those stats on how few people are dismissed after allegations.
While I haven’t been harassed at work, I did have a taxi driver make suggestive comments (far too filthy to relay on here) and ask me personal questions about whether I had ‘been naughty in a cab before’. This was on a Tuesday at 10am as I was on my way to a meeting.
When I got back to the office, I thought, ‘If that’s what he’s saying to a woman who is on her way to work, what is he saying to girls that he picks up from nightclubs at 3am?’
I ended up reporting it and thankfully I did, because a 17 year old girl and her parents had also lodged a complaint against the driver. The taxi complaint rep told me if I hadn’t have come forward, the 17 year old girl would have had no case. I had to appear in court and was asked to repeat my statement. Five mins later, the magistrate took away the cabbie’s license and he was never allowed to drive cabs again.
It was swift and I was commended for coming forward. If only the process could be the same in the workplace. It is no different – it is simply harassment. Which is never OK.
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What a win, well done!
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What’s so sad is that the 17 year old wouldn’t have had a case if you hadn’t spoken up! What if he had only harassed her and no one else? Would this mean that he would have gotten away with it?
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Exactly my thoughts, a! Apparently to avoid the ‘he said, she said’ they needed at least 2 counts of harassment. Not sure if that’s a legal thing or a taxi industry thing…I imagine legal.
I also wondered why no one else had complained in the past. I knew there must have been other women targeted by him, as he told me! He said, ‘If I take a pretty lady home and it’s late, and she says she doesn’t have enough to pay, I let her go the whole way home with just the money she has. I see the way she dresses – I know what men want.’ Ugh!
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When I was 18 and still living at home it was a $50 fare to my mum’s place,so it was common to share with others going that direction to save money. I sat in the front of the maxi taxi to avoid sitting with all the older strange guys in the back, thinking that would be safer. I was the last stop and as I was paying the driver lunged at me and managed to get his tongue in my mouth before I pushed him away and jumped out.
I was so shocked and unprepared for it I didn’t even think to grab his taxi registration number, I was just so relieved to be home and finally safe.
I’ve been catching cabs here for the last 14 years since and never experienced anything like that again – or I would definitely be reporting it!
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This happened to me! At about 20yrs old, and I was so ashamed I never (and still haven’t, besides this) told anyone about it. I was really drunk at the time and it took me a good few seconds to realise what was going on and run. Totally violating though, i feel sick again just thinking about it…. (and guilty that I didn’t report it)…
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YUCK!!
That is disgusting behaviour!!
This is why I have never before, and never will, sit in the front seat of a taxi.
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So glad you reported this! I have felt uneasy many times in cabs with sleazy cab drivers :S. I will certainly report if it ever happens again!
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I have worked in quite a few different places with all female HR departments and the blind eyes turn to the behaviour by some “ladies” is enough to make me vomit. The old boys club in many instances has become the girls club. These women would joke about small penises, talk openly about sex and involve coworker men in these stories. Butt slapping and personal space was non existent and men resigned all the time, to the point where of an office of fifty there were only 4 guys including myself.
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Agree newguy, just as sickened by the demeaning and disgusting behaviour when it comes from the reverse side. You’re at work … save it for Saturday night with your girlfriends!
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I was 16, still at school, and working part time in a pharmacy. The pharmacist must’ve been in his late 50′s or early 60′s and was just revolting. Each time I had to drop a script to him up in the dispensary he’d question me as to what I was doing that night and if girls my age were on the pill… when we’d close up he would stand right behind me as I was reaching up to pull the roller shutter down and touch me on either side of my breasts – pretending to tickle me. I remember one day I had had enough and got quite upset with him, told him I was going to report him to our boss. With that he proceeded to tell me that no one would believe me and that I would be the one to lose my job and not him. I’m happy to say that I did take it further and when I turned up at work the next week he was gone. This was back in 1988 when I also had no label for what was making my skin crawl each and everytime I had to work with this man.
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I don’t think we’ve come that far.
Mark McInnes sexually harassed Kristy Fraser Kirk and was rewarded with a new high paying and high profile job just months later. Kristy was vilified for taking a settlement.
The ‘blame the victim’ game is still ever present in Australia.
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But Sue, twenty years ago (let alone 50), Kristy Fraser Kirk would never have been able to make a claim. Mark would never have resigned or taken responsibility. The media would never have covered it.
That’s progress, surely…..
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You’re right – we have come far, which is a win.
The underlying issue though is in the court of public opinion the victim still too often wears the blame which I think is why so many cases go unreported.
For example a person thinking of sexually harassing someone looks and sees McInnes getting on with a successful life. Where a person who has been sexually harassed sees Fraser Kirk vilified.
We have come far, I agree – but there is a still a long way to go.
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i put in a complaint about a co-worker… i asked the boss to get him to ‘pull his head in’… i had, for 3 years, laughed off the behaviour, that i was not at all threatened by, but, had told him not to do things like blow in my ear, etc (as i knew he wasnt doing it in a sexual way, he was just being a tool)… when it came to me having to put it in writing, as he had stood behind me & unzipped his fly, the boss acted…. i was put on paid leave while it was investigated…. i was then called into the office, where they said that i was trying to extort funds from the company & i was sacked on the spot with 100 hours payment… i went to fair work… & was paid another similar amount… i could have pursued this further & had him charged… but, i wanted to prove that that was never my intention!!! all i wanted him to do was grow up, & pull his head in… i hope he learnt his lesson… i hope his wife is aware of his behaviour
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I ended up quitting my casual job because of sexual harassment.
I had been working there for 3 years and the incidents slowly escalated. He was my boss.
It was clear that he was a sex addict. He is married yet was having affairs with many of the female shopkeepers in the surrounding buildings. They would come in and out during the day.
It started with a few, mild suggestive comments such as ‘you’ve got a great body’ or ‘men who don’t find you attractive must be gay’.
Then they became things such as ‘you’ve lost a bit of weight, I wouldn’t want to lose anymore, you’ll lose your sexyness’ or ‘you’ve lost so much weight you don’t have boobs anymore, that’s not sexy, be careful’.
He would then constantly watch porn at work and then show it to me and the other girls who were working there. He would ask our opinion and joke about our personal lives. He even would get us to look up porn for him to watch whilst he was working. This became normal but it clearly wasn’t. The last straw for me was when he asked me to apply fake tan to his back and his chest with my hands. I quit 2 days later. I still haven’t reported. I don’t even know where to start reporting.
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I remember being taught about entering the workforce at school. It would be great if adolescent girls and boys were given information on sexual harrassment and the reporting process at this stage.
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I have just moved into a student apartment in Brisbane. I was in the lift last night (speak of the devil), and pushed against the wall of the lift, by a fellow renter. He kissed my neck, leaving a red, itchy rash; chilling reminder of last night. I don’t want to say anything, because I feel too embarrassed to approach the brash female receptionists.
Do I have a duty to say something, in case it happens to others, even though I feel uncomfortable admitting to it in the first place?
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HT, you should report that to the police as well as the building supervisor . It’s assault. Please be careful.
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HT, you have to report this, not only for others but for yourself. These people need to be taught a lesson and can’t get away with this.
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I had a friend who was sexually harrassed by her flatmate. It started with really uncomfortable compliments about her appearance, questions about her underwear, going through her lingerie. Eventually she was so intimidated and frightened that she called me to pick her up late one night and she moved out the next day. I took her to the police, where she made an incident report, which means that the police didn’t have to follow it up, but it’s in the system, so that when another woman makes a complaint of sexual assault (regretably I believe it’s inevitable), they will see he has form and will hopefully take it seriously. Even if you don’t want the police to take action, reporting it will help them build a picture and may help a future victim.
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Please please please report this. He will do it again and he may go even further, possibly raping someone.
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I am a pretty okay looking guy who takes a lot of pride in my appearance and physique. I can tell you that the women in my former workplace were just unbelievable with the comments, the touching and just the general sense of entitlement to innuendo. I could deal with it okay, but when I started dating a co worker it really bothered her and it cause fights a drama between us and between her and others. It was pointless for me to report it to anyone, because I thought it would have repercussions on my partner. I don’t have a problem with establishing credibility of an accuser though, if you want to say someone did something then expect your word to NOT be taken at face value and expect to be scrutinized that applies to all accusations of crime.
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hmmmm……….to extend on the idea that Bradley has discussed below. In my last job for a government department we had a woman in the office who would dress in hardly any clothing every single day. She had massive boobs and was obviously very proud of them to the point where her tops were worn so low and bras propped up so high that nipple slip was common. I’m all for body confidence and dressing to express yourself but even I started to feel uncomfortable when we would be in a corporate meeting and she would be sitting oppossite me in a sheer blouse and bra. In that particular meeting an older female manager in her 50′s actually walked out of the meeting in protest.
Alot of the staff complained about her dress. Both males and females. The management refused to speak to her about it because they felt they would be discriminating against her and were afraid of any legal backlash that might erupt because of it. One of the men who worked alongside her and was very uncomfortable with the way she dressed and made the valid point that if he were to come to work with his penis half out of his pants everyday he would not only be in the office with a ‘please explain’ but more than likely would be also facing criminal charges.
I have most definetly had my fair share of sexual harrassment in the workplace as a woman (I worked on the wharves for 4 years!!) however I don’t think for a minute that this is only a problem for women in the workplace.
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I also forgot to add that the worst sexual harrassment I suffered at work was when I worked for the Qld Police. The amount of police officers that would speak and touch inappropriately to me every single day was mind blowing. It was one of the reasons I left.
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Yes. I was also 18 and working in hospitality in an RSL club. I used to open and close the little coffee shop there and there was one particular duty manager who would come in when I was on my own and make inappropriate comments, stand to close to me, brush up behind me while I was bending over etc.
Of course I didn’t report it. I was only 18 and didn’t know any better – and also, he was in a position of power whereas I was “only” a casual uni student worker. Many of my fellow females there felt the same way about this guy but we felt it was something we just had to grin and bear.
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Have you ever been the victim of sexual harassment at work?
Yes (a previous job)
Have you reported it?
No.
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Yes. I was reported for looking in the direction of a very scantily clad colleague. Thank God I was speaking with a female at the time who was able to back up my version of the incident.
We were discussing a work related issue when said colleague wandered in wearing super short shorts. The conversation went along the lines of “that’s not really appropriate for an office environment”, then back to the issue we were discussing. The shorts wearer was not privy to any part of our conversation.
I was falsely accused of something, and although cleared of any wrong doing the mud had been hurled and it stuck.
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You were reported for sexual harassment for looking at someone? Wow. Who reported you? I just went back and re-read the definition: “any unwanted or unwelcome sexual behaviour, which makes a person feel offended, humiliated or intimidated.” I wonder how looking at someone can be interpreted that way? Especially in the context you have outlined.
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