We’ve heard the statistics before and yet, each time I hear them, they’re no less shocking. According to White Ribbon Australia, one in three Australian women over the age of 15 have reported experiencing physical or sexual violence at some time in their lives. And I have no doubt it’s true. I have no doubt because I don’t know a single woman who hasn’t had an experience – at some point in their lives – when they’ve felt physically unsafe because of a man. (And yes, it’s important to acknowledge that men are also the victims of domestic violence but the majority of victims are overwhelmingly women).
So. Last week these three completely different community service announcements about violence against women came across our desk. Watch them and then tell us which one you think is the most effective …
What do you think? Which is the most effective?
Comments
153 Comments so far
I think the third one is most effective, high impact followed by a simple message about how to get help, the first one offers no real message about how to get help.
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I would have thought that any person who was well would think that it is disgustingly sexist. Clearly MISANDRIST.
Is there anyone here who denies that females perpetrate Domestic Violence? Even feminists agreed that females perpetrate Domestic Violence against MEN. In their first ever foray into this field they presented “evidence” that men perpetrated 98% of Domestic Violence. The evidence was drawn from a SLOP (Self-selecting Listener Opinion Poll). This is utterly unreliable but since it agrees with the feminist notion that men are evil and females would be better off without men around (except in Pink Ghettos) then it is treated as gospel. So if 2% of men suffer from Domestic Violence, what are you females trying to do to bring attention to their plight? NOTHING. Doesn’t that make you liars and hypocrites when you scream for equality? Doesn’t that make you female chauvinist pigs by your own definition? Well it’s only 2 percent. The number of females with eating disorders doesn’t even make 0.02% yet huge resources should be thrown at them. They are females after all.
This is in the face of the fact that EVERY non feminist piece of research from EVERY first world occidental country shows the same thing. Females are more violent to men than the reverse. I draw your attention to the Heady Report 1999 done in Australia. Or the Melbourne Age Newspaper in 1985 that showed for every 12 females reporting for Domestic Violence there were 7 men and the injuries to the men were more sever due to a female’s tendency to use a weapon. And that’s just physical violence. Females far outstrip men in the psychological and emotional Domestic Violence.
These videos remind me of a few incidents. I was living in a town house and a young couple with a baby were next door. I could hear her screaming at him. What I picked up was that he had had some fun with another female while at a party. This was clearly unforgivable. I could not hear him at all. I heard an almighty slap and her screaming do you feel that? And again another one and again Do You Feel THAT. And again and again. I tried to record it but the tape just came out with all background noise.
Another hilarious incident was on Today Tonight. There was this female whinging that she would never go to the police again and the police can’t be trusted etc. She had photos of bruises on her arms. The cops don’t care about Domestic Violence and the Cops CONDONE Domestic Violence. The cops arrested HER. Turns out that her evil man had invoked some ancient law about self defence and he got off. She had attacked him and when he defended himself she called the cops.
I personally had a girlfriend hit me. I told her not to hit me. She hit me again. I said if she hits me again I’ll hit her. She hit me again. I hit her. She didn’t hit me again.
I’m standing in a night club. I get a punch to the upper left arm. I’m instantly thinking Oh oh and I’ve transferred my drink from my right to my left hand and I take a step to the right to get out of range and assess the situation. It’s a Pommie female I recognised from the door coming in. She was being totally obnoxious and on top of that she had that annoying pommie accent which sickens me. I punched her in the upper left arm with the same force. I told her to fk off and stop bothering me. She went and got a bouncer. He thought I must be drunk. I told him it was my first drink and explained the situation. Over his shoulder I mouthed to her FK OFF. She went into Banshee mode and was screaming hysterically. The bouncer took her by the arm and dawdled off.
I have had my bottom pinched. I have had my bottom groped. I have had my bottom slapped. I have had my crotch grabbed. I have had females mauling my upper arms and shoulders. I have had my nipples pinched. I have had my feet stabbed with stilettos. I get bumped into so much by females that whenever I go out I find a good spot out of the way so I am not assaulted. But NOW I have watched that reverse video, the next time a female touches my bum I’m gonna swing round and slap her face just like in the video because that’s what females want. It’s gonna be GREAT. That’s what I would do if it were a man. I must treat females equally under the law. Females have no problem slapping a man’s face. Females demand to be treated equally.
I was watching TV last week and an ad for an upcoming episode of How I Met Your Mother came on. It showed a female punching a man in the face. So what would be the problem if it were the other way around and he punched her in the face and knocked her down? Then I remembered that movie Show Me The Money where a female smashes Tom Cruise in the face. So I take it you want to see more of men slapping and punching females is that right? Well of course not. A female should be able to do anything she likes to a man. We don’t need to have an anti violence against men campaign. We only need to stop violence against females. That’s equality. Any violence against men can be ignored. You females utterly refuse to treat men with the same respect you demand for yourselves.
And you wonder why men don’t want you.
A Man Needs a Female Like a Fish Needs a Lobotomy. The best thing is that you are inculcating the next generation of females. Keep it up. This new technology is going to make a FORTUNE.
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The first one seems effective because the end is a shock/surprise but that second of shocked laughter is really at the expense of the women – a bit too boys-club-humour to do any good.
The third is the best.
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I think the 3rd is the most impactful but it needs a stronger message at the end. Some greater message flashing up on the screen, a call to action from friends, relatives or a strong message that you CAN get help to the victim?
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I was going to say the first one until I saw the look of fright at the very end of the third one. The fear of a slammed door or her name being called.
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So distressing. I think the first one is the most powerful because it is a call to action for all of us to take some responsibility in preventing domestic violence. Thanks for sharing.
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They are all very powerful but the last one I think is the strongest message.
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This made me cry so much.
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the first one was horrible. an horrific reminder of a life no one should have to live
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The first one is great for australia as there is a strong sense of “don’t interfere”. Humour gets the message through the best. The last one is an effective reminder for women trying to make a decision. Leave – you are worth it and you will be happier.
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All of them make you think, but the first one hit home for me.
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I think that all three of the videos touch on the many dimensions on domestic violence here in Australia and around the world. one advertisement or approach is not the effective solution we should be aiming for in creating a better society. Peoples community organizations need to be active in denouncing it to those who commit the act of abuse (male or female). Most victims are too afraid to come forward and if these domestic offenders can not be reformed by pressure in their communities then, “I believe we will have failed those afraid to speak up.” This is a hard issue to tackle and one that needs to be heavily focused on.
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I watched these ads without the sound, always useful when judging the efficacy of the message portrayed. I found each ad to be as horrifying as the smoking/drinking/road-deaths style of shock campaigns. Ultimately pointless as women (usually) in domestically violent relationships are belittled every day, made to feel stupid, their opinions unimportant eg. “shut up, I’m listening to the news” or along the lines of “You’d better take out funeral insurance, because you have a job and I don’t. It is the obvious and practical solution”. The “I don’t remember you telling me that, you’re insane” (read I wasn’t listening) and all the other slings and arrows each day that make women/wives/partners think ‘Am I really that worthless?’ No.
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For me – the first one was the most effective.
I remember being woken up a few times by a screaming match in our street. Whenever I was just about to call the police, the screaming would stop – a door would slam and the screaming would stop. I would listen out for that one scream that was less intense emotional fighting, and more pleading like the one in the clip – lucky I never quite heard it. I was always scared I would though.
It’s a fine line from interfering with someone’s general “domestic” and their domestic abuse… I hope I never judged the situation incorrectly…
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All three are graphic.
Being in the middle of trying to resurrect our marriage, the second one, with the bride making those “vows” really hit home. I was the groom that forced fear on my wife, will regret it until the day I die, know I need to recreate a relationship with my kids and understand if, as our reconciliation continues, she wants to walk away I have no one to blame but myself.
It took me a long time to come to these realisations and I wouldn’t have if it were not for the strength of my wife.
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Oh my dear God.
The last one.
Such a sensitive topic.
It’s not fair, I just want to do something, I want to let women know that they DON’T deserve that life, that if they did or didn’t provoke it, domestic violence is NEVER ok.
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I think the first one is most effective.
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The first one
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I’d like to know what people consider family violence?
I think it covers all controlling behaviors, intimidation, physical & emotional abuse, sexual abuse, yelling and aggression.
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yes i totally agree.
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Abuse includes physical, emotional / mental, sexual and most often forgotten, financial.
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I think the first. Although there is one better with Keira Knightly. Sent shivers down my spine. When an abused woman sees it, they will know what I mean when I say I knew the feeling she felt when she noticed the broken mirror. That part impacted me more than the actual assault.
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Definitely the first one! It
Challenging the view that it’s better not to get involved in ‘other people’s business’ is a powerful message. This was the ad that spoke to me.
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I wish that I had known about these resources when I was trapped. I don’t care which ad you run; just get the word out with some kind of resource or place to call. Any publicity is good for someone who doesn’t know what to do, who to call or where to go.
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Would it more helpful to have a series of short ads where women who have managed to escape from violent relationships give actual real life concrete examples of how it can be done.
The message should be “this is how you can remove yourself”. If I was a victim and I saw these ads I think I would be inclined to identify with them and feel that there is nothing I can do…everyone knows it’s out there but no-one can help me. The ads made me feel powerless and detached.
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The third one made me sick to my stomach.
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A recent article on Mamamia that seemed to resonate with most of us, suggested the analogy of a frog in a pot of hot water. It’s when the water is heating up, when you can still get out, that needs to be highlighted.
I don’t like any of these ads because of their extremism. By the time you are in this situation, it’s too late.
I would like to see ads with the tagline Mia suggested some time ago “No respect – no relationship”. This would be a fantastic message for both women AND men.
If someone is controlling you financially or emotionally, these are signs that this is not a healthy relationship and you need to get out rather than get any deeper.
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It all depends what the ads are aiming to do. Are they aiming to help women leave violent relationships or address violence against them? Are they aimed at getting others to not do nothing?
I don’t like the one with the bride, as it seems too much of a blame the victim approach. The one with the face-on woman might be effective for a woman who has experienced some violence and hasn’t decided what to do about it yet. The one with the neighbours seems like it might be good for awareness and shared responsibility.
Interesting that none of them adress the perpetrators. There was a series of ads a couple of years ago that had male actors being perpetrators and making excuses to the camera. I thought that was a good way of linking “normal” attitudes (“she provoked me”) to the real outcomes, and addressing the fact that normal, average-looking men are the ones who do this.
With 1in 3 women experiencing this, an awful lot of men might recognise something of themselves in this and those at the mild end might be encouraged to think twice and take responsibility for themselves, as well as hearing the ads ringing in their own and their mates ears should they trot out the lines used in the ads.
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All 3 are good and each take a different approach which will help to reach more varied audiences.
I was abused by my ex boyfriend and when I reached out to his family who knew what was going on every time he drank they did nothing. For a culture who apparently manage their own people due to little faith in the mainstream system I was appalled with this. I was too fearful to go to my own family out of shame that a smart educated person such as myself let him treat me like this and still have my love.
It has caused a change in my personality I am working hard to reverse for the sake of the wonderful man I am with now. I fly into fits of rage, throw things, break things, push him or get in his face to make him prove to me he isn’t like the last jerk. It tears him apart and makes me hate myself. Time and some help will hopefully address this reversal, until then I despise my ex for this disease he passed onto me (that is how I see my new-found anger issues).
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Anonymous, I had a similar experience with an ex and came out of it with a white-hot anger that made me a person I didnt like. I directed it in a scatter-gun kind of way, and saw ugliness everywhere I looked. Take heart though, its hard work being so angry, and it wears itself out. Life improves and you will feel better in time. Try to be kind to yourself.
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hotline
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I physically cringed at the first video and when the perpetrator says, “right, come here!”, I actually felt like I wanted to dive into my screen and protect the woman.
The third one, in saying that, had similar effects. I liked how the woman held the gaze because it actually made me uncomfortable and look away. I know it’s only a small detail but the fact that she had a hair band around her wrist seemed to resonate with me – it’s something that I always do. It just really rammed home the idea that she could be “anyone”.
Both were powerful and worked in their own way – I didn’t get nearly the same reaction from the second one.
My father used to work in rail safety and when I was approximately 11, he showed me an ad in which a woman was caught whilst trying to cross a boom gate in time with her two children in the car. The look of horror as she realised that she was trapped has stayed with me. Whilst confronting, even to this day, I haven’t forgotten it.
Hopefully these will have the same effect.
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In my work I hear about and talk to victims of family violence (mostly women & children) everyday. So from my point of view the first ad gives the right message, ‘if you don’t do something to stop it your may as well be part of it’. As a community it’s our job to protect those who cannot help themselves, that includes children and victims of family violence. You don’t have to intervene yourself, I probably wouldn’t it’s too dangerous. All it takes is a call to the police or child protection services. You can remain anon if you want. In my view if you stand by and don’t take action your almost as guilty. Call 000 if you can’t step in safely, but there is no excuse turning a blind eye. Just think about what you would want someone to do if it was you or your son / daughter / mother / father / etc etc etc?
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Thanks for ur comment Mel.
The first ad horrified me, the implication that we would really stand by and let something so awful happen but at the same time to some extent i understood the dilemna of what to do – Thank you for providing the practical examples of what to do in this situation.
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The first ad made me feel sick. It’s so confronting.
I liked the second ad because I think it does get the message across.
The third ad is also very powerful though.
They are all good in different ways.
I have friends in abusive relationships who keep going back to their abusive husbands over and over again and I feel like there’s nothing I can do.
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All three ads are powerful in the own way as they are all approaching it from a different angle / point of view. The third is the hardest to watch but for sending a message the first one wins hands down. It made me feel sick.
A very good friend of mine was caught up in a horribly abusive relationship for many years. She left a few times but went back, each time for a different reason and even after he threw her across the room when she was pregnant.
No matter how much you tried to reason with her and talk with her she stayed, she justified it, she rationalized it. I even tried talking with her family but nothing was getting through. Then one day in passing she mentioned that he had thrown a glass jar at her. He missed apparently but that was it for me, I lost it. I didn’t yell or scream or carry on I just told her simply and clearly that enough was enough. I hung up the phone and rang DOCS. I then rang a very good mutual friend and told her what I’d done. That friend hit the roof and cursed me from here to kingdom come but within in a month he was gone for the last time.
Mutual friend (of 25 yrs) and I are not friends anymore. Apparently I am amongst other things ‘an interfering bitch’ and the friendship with the woman who was in the domestic violence situation, well we are still friends but not like we used to be. Yeah it makes me sad some days but really the only regret I have is that I didn’t step up and take a more direct and interfering approach sooner.
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Wow.
The first and the third definitely resonated with me.
I’m not sure what the second one’s point was…
I think the first was incredibly confronting – I doubt anyone would get up and do something. There’s a mentality that it’s so much better to sit back and ignore it and not say anything and not get involved. Just mind your own business.
Which is wrong and needs to change.
The third one was heartbreaking, but I don’t feel it had the same ‘you can do something to stop this’ reaction that the first did.
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I’m surprised you think no one would actually take action in the situation of the first ad. A few years ago, my neighbour was in an abusive relationship and I called the police several times. I wouldn’t have gone and intervened myself, but I would always call for help.
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maybe it’s just from my anectodal experiences of it?
everytime the topic has come up the resounding result has been ‘no, i wouldn’t do anything – best not to get involved’.
I would definitely call the police, and I’m so relieved to read that there are plenty of others that would too.
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The third one. Definitely.
The way she wears a hair band around her wrist and you can see the mismatching bra straps under her singlet indicates to me, and reiterates to everyone, that this woman could be your mother/sister/best friend/neighbour/in your mum’s group/at your next BBQ, the list goes on. The most powerful moment was the last second or two when she whips her head around in terror. I wanted to watch it again but I can’t bring myself to.
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For me the third one is definitely the strongest – it made me quite upset to see the visual, with such pain in her eyes, while accompanied by really fitting and emotional music.
I felt the first one implied violence to overcome violence (I know this wasn’t the intention at all, but just my take on the ad) and the second one just wasn’t effective / string enough in the seriousness of the message.
The third one also could relate to any type of violent relationship against a woman – from a parent, husband, boyfriend, partner, sibling etc. So just a broader message IMO and so very powerful and heartbreaking.
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Wear a white ribbon? How is THAT going to stop domestic violence i wonder…
I like the third one, it’s pretty good.It rarely stops is a messsage that could sink in over time.
ETA: the first one disturbed me a little and i just pinpointed why: if a woman in a DV relationship sees the ad, what will she think? Obviously, she’ll think that people need those ads, because noone would help her if she asked for help , and that’s the reason why those ads were created: because people do not care and need to be woken up. Doesn’t give one much strenght to go and ask for help really.
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On Friday night I was out at my local pub, there was a big event on in town and as I was getting into a cab a couple were having an altercation, he picked her up by the throat and slammed her against the wall, I turned around to the security guards and said ” aren’t you going to bloody do anything? He’s assulting her!” they both shrugged- I kid you not! The cops were driving down the road so we flagged them down, they told him to leave while she sat there crying and then the police left.
Never really seen anything like it, when the people ‘in charge’ won’t do anything, who will?
For me the 1st ad, it’s something different and really makes you think!
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Wow!!
She’s so lucky you were there!
I wonder why they refused to do anything!!!?
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To be honest, I think it was more that they didn’t care than actually refusing to do anything.. pretty poor- I cried the whole cab ride home!
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All were good, but the first one really points out the role that bystanders have.
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Men’s activists in Ireland have been successful in banning this extremely important domestic violence ad because it portrays a man as the abuser.
Everyone needs to watch this ad of domestic violence seen from the eyes of a child….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdHb6I0kSiM&feature=player_embedded
What is the world coming to when grown up men’s rights are more important than children’s rights?
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Statistics show that kids are just as likely abused by mothers, and men are more than demonised in the media already dont you think. Do you think the same advert would be allowed were it a mother doing this? NO WAY- yet this is just as likely a scenario in reality.
I can understand why there was a problem with this ad. It works both ways – it isnt ALWAYS men = abusers, women = victims, yet this is always the way it is painted in the media.
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but then how many “women’s rights” groups stop ads about child abuse? I haven’t heard ANY feminist groups contest that women abuse children and men.
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Come off it, if you can not see the bias in the media between how men and women are protrayed, then you need a reality check.
As a man, I am getting sick of it, being constantly reminded of how terrible my gender is, when 99% of men are wonderful citizens who love and work hard for their families. I can understand how it gets to a point where it just becomes too much – being told one too many times about how rotten we all are. there MUST be balance. I can understand when it comes to spouse abuse, sure, the statistics are stacked toward male offenders – but everything else as well???
As I said, you never see media portraying the other side. Please refer me to one example the other way and I will eat my words.
Whenever the media want to portray a victim, it is female. Whenever the media portrays an offender, it is male. This results in situations where society cant even believe that a women can be bad (ie refer Shapelle Corby / Amada Knox etc)
This, over time, builds a false picture about reality, and the relative good / bad in the genders. I feel sorry for boys growing up having this image of themselves constantly re-inforced.
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Come off it – the statistics say one in three women will be abused or sexually assaulted during their lives – and you reckon 99% of men are “wonderful citizens”?
So I suppose you reckon 1% of men are abusing or raping 33% of the women in the world? Seems pretty unlikely to me.
http://www.hurt.net.au/dfv.htm
And since 90% of perpetrators of family violence are men, and 95% of victims are women, there’s actually a pretty good reason why victims are usually portrayed as women, and perpetrators as men – because they are.
It’s not a “false picture” – it is, sadly, an accurate picture.
And since this was a post about domestic violence, your “everything else” comment is hugely irrelevant (and I suspect wrong anyway – I can think of dozens of examples of women being portrayed as murderers and criminals on tv shows, movies etc.)
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These stats that get thrown around worry me, as it overstates the size of the issue, exactly my point. This blog says and you say 1 in 3, yet the site you directed me to says one in 5, yet ihw and police stats dont put it anywhete near that. Ask anyone if at some stage in their lives they have felt threatened or been touched in anger, and there are your stats. I am sure 1 in 3 men have been slapped, kneed in the balls, had drinks or kitchen items thrown at them etc. give blokes the same survey and you would get your 1 in 3 result as well. And as for Bec starting her post saying she doesnt know a women that hasnt felt threatened, well, I dont know a guy who hasnt either. It is as if there is a vested interest in making the problem seem vastly bigger than it is. Again, not taking away from the true issue for a second.
I dont want to take anything away fron genuine victims of violence, nor suggest we dont try hard to reduce the incidence of all violence, but this constant overstating of the size of the issue just cements this notion that a very high proportion of men are wife bashers, which they are not.
Oh and re comment on non nomestic violence, thanks for pointing that out, but I was just responding to the original post re the irish clip of a man commiting physical violence on a child, so if you have an issue re off topic, point the finger there.
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@Anon
Seen as my reply was moderated, and being that I included statistics that completely prove everything you’ve said wrong can you point to where these men make up 90% of family violence and 95% of the victims are female.
That is so insulting, not just to men, but to the actual truth.
The hurt blog is laughable – Not even real government funded studies come anywhere near those numbers.
Children make up the majority of victims of family violence not women and MOTHERS are the majority physical abusers.
1st Biological Mothers
2nd Step Fathers
3rd Step Mothers
4th Biological Fathers
Get your facts straight!
If you don’t understand why men would get upset at a child abuse campaign that has a man as the aggressor, then perhaps we should make one with the women.
I guess the 40.7 % of lesbian women who report intimate partner violence are lying then?
In all the largest studies on domestic violence women were found to be the aggressor at least 50% of the time and I can back that up with statistics and links.
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Hannah – When has an advertisement ever shown a women as the aggressor?
For the sake of the children, should we have one?
If targeting genders works, then shouldn’t we do it?
…and this is where it gets real, the problem is if you show a women being the aggressor, it’ll go down like a lead balloon, but a few men backed by statistics decide that this isn’t a fair representation and they’re anti-children.
It seems some extreme feminists are not happy unless men’s voices are completely suppressed, unfortunately, that’s not going to happen.
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That is an incredibly powerful and moving ad Just Saying. I sooo wanted to protect that child.
Whatever injustice is claimed this ad does to perceptions about men, can surely not be as important as the need to take steps to protect children from physical and emotional violence. The banning of this ad in these circumstances just confirms that men can stand up for themselves. Children cant.
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This kind of sounds like a ‘I’m not racist but….’ kind of comment about gender. I don’t think it matters what gender is more frequently the perp and what gender is more likely the victim. What we need to realize family violence comes in many forms, kids to their parents, siblings to one another as kids and adults, neighbors to one another etc etc etc.
I would like to highlight that when men are assaulted by women (what ever their relationship) it is often not reported. And in many cases violence is not reported so I don’t know if the stats are a true reflection of the violence that happens.
I would also like to highlight the awesome new family violence laws in Victoria which forces Police to take certain action when family violence occurs (that they are aware of that is). I’m not sure If this is in all states or just Vic. I think this should give witnesses of violence the power to report incidents of violence.
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The first one by far for me. I can’t say that I relate, maybe those who have experienced domestic violence would choose another. Jeez… the first one shook me up. The second one to me… Well, I relate to emotion and that seemed to be lacking.
The first one is powerful because you think the man is going to help the lady out. When really, if we ignore domestic violence that we are aware of, are we really that different to the man who hands the bat?
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For some reason i can’t hear the audio on any of them. Must be my computer. Just on visuals alone, the third one is quite effective, because without hearing what she is saying i still get the message.
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None of them will work until women who run to the police begging for help are taken seriously.
None of it will work until Abusers who violate the terms of their DVO’s are adequately reprimanded.
None of them will work until the family court takes previous abuse and criminal records into account when making their decisions.
The ad’s will be hard to watch and upsetting, but until abusive partners have actual criminal and terrifying consequences to their behaviour, none of it will work.
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I agree with all of the above and would also like to add that none of the ads will work until as a community we all help to break the cycle of abuse that occurs in families.
Those that are abused and victimised need our help to heal from the trauma so they dont end up living out the scripts that get embedded in to them at a young age.
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And none of them will work until the general community, men especially, condemn those who perpetrate it and stop saying “it’s none of my business what goes on between him and his missus”.
One thing I love about my man is that I will never stop “sticking my nose in”, like when I heard a young guy speaking disgustingly to his girlfriend and calling her a stupid slut etc. When I confronted him and told him no-one was impressed and to please stop speaking to her like that, he reacted aggressively and my husband came and backed me up (without responding agressively and aggravating the situation). I hope she saw the difference between her boyfriend and a real man that day.
I think if the men in our community excluded and shamed abusers, and backed up and protected their women (who tend to be more intuitive and notice these things) when they call out bad behaviour, it would make a massive difference, which is why I support the white scarf campaign, which focuses on men in the community, not the victims of abuse themselves.
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The first one scared the shit out of me. I did not see that coming, I was truly shocked. The way she turns her head quickly at the end of the 3rd one is just as powerful.
I warn anyone who does this to any person I love, my inner lioness is ready to pounce and protect, and, trust me, I will.
This behaviour is totally and utterly intolerable.
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Domestic violence is a crime of choice. Many victims find excuses for their partner’s behaviour (and men can be just as abused as women). The greatest test I’ve ever discovered is very simple. Does the abuser act this way all the time? take them to a biker bar, sidle up next to the biggest, meanest, roughest looking one in the place. Ten-to-one the abuser is as quiet and meek as a mouse, with ne’ry a thought about abusing someone who might actually squish them in response. Tolerating abuse of any kind will only ever inflame it, and abusers only abuse those they feel will let them get away with it – or already have.
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When your living with an abuser you are not letting them get away with it . You have no choice unless of course your are a tough bikie which most of the women and kids are not. To say its a crime of choice is ignorant and i think you have missed the point. People may make excuses but it is more to protect the shame they are feeling then to protect the abusive partner.
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You have totally missed the point.
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You are correct. It is a crime of choice. Because it is all about REMOVING choice from the victim.
From ensuring they do not have the financial freedom to escape so their only choice is to stay.
From threatening the lives of their children so the choice becomes “I will take this to spare my children from it”
From segregating them from their support networks so they again think their only choice is to stay.
From having police officers and magistrates not doing their jobs properly so that they feel they do not have the choice to leave.
My ex-partner was 8 inches taller and 40 kilos heavier than me. When he assaulted me I did not have any chance to fight back. But by your logic I chose to be hurt.
In the end I escaped. I am an educated, intelligent, strong woman with a large family. It was still an enormous effort to get out, to get the police and the magistrates to listen.
There are many women out there who, through not speaking English or through being raised in a more restrictive cultural or religious background have absolutely no choice but to stay. I cannot imagine them going through what I went through to be safe if they could not even speak the cops’ language, let alone are raised to be submissive to the males in their culture.
I suspect that you have never been in the scenario I describe. And even though I find your comments to be both inflammatory and degrading to victims of domestic violence, I still hope you never are in that scenario. I don’t wish what I went through on anyone.
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Thanks for sharing your story.
I hope it helps William and the five people who gave his comment a thumbs up to understand even just a little bit of what Family Violence is really about.
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Thanks for sharing this.
How horrible.
I cannot understand the OP’s point in it being a ‘crime of choice’.
Why are we so willing to blame the victim!?
In everything!!
It makes absolutely no sense to me.
DV is often about power, and the victim is placed in such a powerless position (and usually kept there with threats) so that they have NO CHOICE.
That comment made me so angry.
Thankyou for sharing. Hopefully you have been able to change at least one person’s perception about what it is like to be a victim of DV.
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Google:
Learned helplessness, hopelessness.
The Stockholm syndrome
Read some stories from women and men who are so terrified they can’t act.
People who are terrified of what might happen to their pets or children if they stand up to the perpetrator of violence.
Imagine having no money, no car, no support network, kids to look after, and no access to the services of a bikie gang.
I could go on. But I shouldn’t need to.
If only the solution to Family Violence was so simple.
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All I can say is that if people came out swinging on the first date, then DV rates would most likely be a lot lower, but they don’t. It’s often not til you’re in love/married/with kids etc that it happens.
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Sorry but I don’t believe this for a second. No one turns into a violent abuser overnight, while obviously most men won’t throw a punch on the first date, I strongly believe there will always be red flags and warning signs which unfortunately go missed or ignored.
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I guess if you don’t believe it, then it’s not true?
How ridiculous.
Change your beliefs for facts and try again.
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What facts? That a “normal” calm reasonable man just turns into a psycho overnight, yeah, okay, if it helps you sleep better at night! Why don’t you stop telling others what to believe and try again.
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I watched them all, but the first one made me cry. The woman’s voice sounded so desperate and frightened and real. As somebody who survived an abusive relationship (not violent), that one really affected me. I actually need to go and lie down now.
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So sorry for what you have been through anon. Big hugs to you! You are a survivor
I hope you do something nice for yourself today.
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what do you do when the police won’t help? my friend went to the police station to get a restraining order against her ex-husband – he can be quite violent, this was not long after she finally left him.
she sat at the police station for several hours, waiting for someone to see her. when she went and asked if she would be seen soon (she had to go and pick her son up from kindy), she was told they were busy and to come back later.
she responded with “i could be dead by then” and walked out, and has never gone back to the police.
where do you go then? if you are worried for your safety?
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My friend took out a restraining order on her husband and they didn’t deliver it. She didn’t know that at the time. What happened, did they forget? It wasn’t very reassuring…
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You go to another police station. And you keep going until you get someone who listens. Trust me on this.
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Each Police station or area if you are in regional vic has a family violence officer. I am from vic but am not sure if other states have this too. I would ask to talk with them or the Sgt. Just keep going higher. The other option is to seek support from a family violence service. They can advocate for u and do all the pressuring of police etc that someone may not have the strength to manage. I’m not sure about the other stated but I know vic has new laws re family violence that basically direct them to take certain action when they become aware of incidents of family violence.
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The first one calls us (who witness) to change our behaviour- I think this will be the most effective for that market.
However,
The third one has me in tears. Very powerful.
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Am leaning towards #1. If we lived in an ideal world where DV wasn’t tolerated then…. abusers would be totally held accountable and shunned by the community, and victims/survivors would be properly supported. Women and children wouldn’t be the ones leaving their homes/community to seek safety- the abusers would! Attitudes need to change and at least this ad is attempting to do that.
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How about an ad shaming the men and women who abuse. Something to empower women, maybe an ad showing the police coming to help or a safe house with caring staff. The above ads just show these women in an helpless situation , stranded with fear, i think we need to see the next step to know help is easy ,not hard to get.
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I think the 2nd video of wedding vows is best …although the first hits home equally as well! I firmly agree & believe that educating children is extremely important & adverts should be made with this in mind!
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