I ha
ve a theory. I believe that every woman needs to be with a douche, just once in her life, in order to find her prince. Yes ladies. It’s not frogs you have to kiss, forget that fairytale; rather, it’s just one complete effing douchebag…
A colleague of mine got dumped by her partner of five years last Friday night. A man she moved overseas (here) to be with. She’s been bawling her most beautiful eyes out ever since. She can’t eat, can’t sleep. It’s completely consuming and suffocating her. He offered her no explanation, and won’t enter in to any discussion about it either. She’s had to move out. Yes, you are correct. He’s a douche.
I’ve experienced something a little similar, and I’ve consulted with my girlfriends, and ALL of them have had equally yuck experiences. They’ve all hooked up with a guy/douche, stayed for too long, accepted the shittiest of treatment, and then regretted the whole relationship afterwards. However, here’s the sun-shiny-rainbow-hot-chips-with-vinegar part – ALL of them are now with the most BEAUTIFUL MEN. IN.THE.WORLD.FULL.STOP. Including me (my goodness including me). And these amazeballs partners have all appeared DIRECTLY AFTER the non-amazeball ones.
Why does this phenomenon occur? I’m so glad you asked…
After your heart has been stomped on a million times, your ‘we will never work out’ radar is switched on, times a trillion. Illuminated. Red. Flashing. Your blinders are off. Your ‘Oh that doesn’t bother me too much’ mindset is gone. You know what you want. You know what you won’t tolerate. You can detect lies, and crap, and potential players with ridiculous sniper style accuracy from.a.mile. You know that “the days are long but the years are short”, so you filter. You filter hard. As a result, you dodge a lot of bullets (i.e. douche men); and thus the next man you spoon with will be exactly who you need. Who you deserve. Because you’ve picked him.
To qualify all of this I spoke to someone with actual credibility – Brisbane Psychologist Lily Amorous, who specialises in interpersonal relationships trauma. Lily calls the process that I’ve described above as a ‘relationship autopsy’; you reflect back on your relationship, and work out what your personal boundaries are. She recommends EVERYONE go through a relationship autopsy following the end of a relationship, to ensure you don’t repeat the cycle and jump from one bad relationship to another. Thus if you perform a relationship autopsy, especially on a crappy, crappy relationship (which is what my girlfriends and I did unknowingly), you’re less likely to end up with another douche! How awesome!
So, back to my colleague. She’s completely devastated at the moment. Of course she is. Five years is a long time to be with a douche. But she’s kissed him enough now. And soon enough, she’ll be able to see, through those bloodshot and incredibly tired, sweet eyes of hers, that her prince/big spoon is waiting just around the corner. He really is.
Rebecca is a writer, a dog lover, milo lover, and music lover. You can follow her blog here
Have you ever had a bad relationship that led to a really good one?
Comments
110 Comments so far
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I am very much in love with my wonderful, kind and caring husband….BUT I am not naive to the fact that he may have once been “that douche” to someone else, just like I was not that perfect girlfriend to my exes either. People evolve and grow – I believe that things work out if you are with the right person at the right time.
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Oh how I wish that were true….every person’s experience is different.
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This is so true!!! Love this to bits =)
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I can really relate to this. I was in an international relationship, Switzerland/Australia for 5 years and I found out about the new lover in Paris because he was using my iPad to send her loving emails! Only two months ago and I am just coming out of the stage your girlfriend is going through. I wrote about a book written in 1968 by a very wise Frenchwoman the other day on my blog. It has pearls of wisdom and I found myself also having peals of laughter. The blog is Mannersandothermatters@blogspot.com. Thanks for a great article.
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I love this. You rock Rebecca.
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I absolutely agree!! Dated a guy for 6 years who was an absolute douche. Finally left that abusive situation and decided I’d never date again… A few years later met the most amazing guy. I’ve never wanted marriage or kids until now, I think I just hadn’t found ‘the one’
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This. Speaks. To. Me. So. Strongly. While my ex isn’t a bad person, he behaved like a total douche on many occasions. And I am grateful for it all because, while I was reduced to an emotional wreck by his outbursts time and time again, it taught me very clearly what I will NEVER put up with again. I deserve better. I will have better. I won’t settle for bad treatment and I have more to give and bring to a relationship now as a result of learning to value and express myself and my needs better. Having my limits tested and broken on so many occasions taught me to fight for them and protect them in the future. No more douches for me, no exceptions. I want reliable and responsible and respectful and I won’t settle for anything less.
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this is me. (but I still worry)
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I agree 100%. I’ve had more than my share of douche bags since I was 17, that were all douch-ey in their own way and some way worse than others. The last one took three years to work out he was a douche and another two to finally leave. But I did and here I am at 34 years, engaged to be be married and soon start a family to the most amazing man that I couldn’t have even dreamed up.
It seemed like so many wasted years but I believe it’s part of what makes you who you are and know what you need or want in a partner, and to be the best you can be for your partner. When I met my soulmate I wasn’t even looking and thought I was destined to be single and completely happy with it. When you truly love yourself, you will find true love.
And just so you know I never believed in all that sappy stuff til I met my man, but our eyes met across a crowded airport, I felt I was struck by lightning, we shared 4 amazing days together and haven’t been apart since. We are best mates, lovers, a team, and most importantly equals in our relationship. I thank the greater forces everyday that he was bought to me at the perfect time. When you are ready it will happen for you ladies, everyone deserves this xx
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OK, I’m going to start feeling sorrry for myself now. Where’s my star, a few too many years after the “douche”?
Ripped off!
Every nice guy I know is either married or about 10-15 years younger than me, or both. Out of reach, either way.
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…and if you’re really lucky the married ones start to hit on you, basically cause they’re bored, their wives put on weight (duh – they’ve had two kids- give them a break) so they don’t fancy them so much anymore. So if that hasn’t happened to you, then maybe you will feel a little better.
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No doubt true. There is a difference though between women who unwittingly get involved with these tools and those who for whatever reason seek them out. As a bloke, I’m not that fussy but one hard and fast rule is to stay away from women who have any history of “bad boys”.
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I really agree with this! Thought for me it took 2 bad relationships. My biggest fear was that no one would really love me – then a guy did, but we couldnt stay together…. I thought I would never survive, but I did. Then my next fear was that I would not survive being loved back. The next guy was totally all over the shop hot and cold…. but you know what, I survived that too and learnt that I could love and be vulnerable and desrerved to be treated well and all those things… and am now married to the most loving faithful and stable guy. Life is good!
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Wow I can really relate to this post and I was just talking about this with a friend the other day! I’m 27 years old and I’ve spent the past decade dating All The Wrong Men.
I lost my virginity at the age of 17 to a complete and utter d-bag who smooth talked me into bed and then ditched me afterwards.
My first proper boyfriend at 18 was much older than me, tattooed, pierced, had spent a night in jail, changed careers more times than he changed his underwear, and had a borderline substance abuse problem. He used to regularly call me between the hours of 12pm-8am asking me to pick him up from somewhere while he was drunk and had lost his wallet. He would regularly rock up drunk to all kinds of functions such as my friends’ birthdays and embarrass me beyond belief. I finally saw the light after a year and dumped him and he threatened to kill himself. It was all manipulation, of course, because he is still alive today!!
My next boyfriend was completely unreliable, had a drinking problem and had a psycho ex-girlfriend who called him every single day and then found out who I was and started abusing me too. He was always cancelling plans, showing up hours late to dates, and not answering his phone all day because he’d ‘forgotten to charge it’. Several times he would tell me that he was on his way over to my place but would subsequently fall asleep and never show up!! He even peed on my floor once when he was drunk!! (Yep, what a winner, ey) Anyway, after all this, he was the one that ended up leaving me and I was devastated and heartbroken. Looking back, I am SO happy that he did though!
My next boyfriend was a waiter slash drummer in a band slash eternal student who kept failing his arts degree. He also ‘liked the odd joint to chill out’ a.k.a. a total pot-head who smoked weed every single day. He also broke up with me and left my heartbroken but six months after we broke up I found out he’d become an ice addict so I think that was another lucky escape!
Over 3 years ago I met my current boyfriend who I thought was SO different to all the others. He always showed up on time, he didn’t drink much or do drugs, he was well-dressed and he actually had a decent career and seemed to know where he was going in life. Turns out my current bf has just as many issues as the others, they were just less obvious in the beginning!! He has huge mood swings and alternates between acting like The Perfect Man and being moody, sullen, angry at the world, sulky and depressed. I’ve started to notice recently that he has borderline emotional abusive qualities about him too that have only started to become obvious lately. He is also VERY looks oriented and shallow. I know things aren’t healthy and I’ve been telling him I’m not happy but he doesn’t want me to leave because he ‘doesn’t have anyone else in his life.’ I feel really sorry for him and I don’t know how I could’ve gotten myself into a situation with another fucked-up man!!
Anyway this article has really made me think. If I can just build up the courage to leave yet another dysfunctional relationship I think I’m FINALLY at the stage of life where my radar for fucked-up guys with emotional issues and douche-bags will be VERY fine-tuned and I won’t even give them the time of day. I think if I manage to leave this current relationship I will just be single for a while and really try to focus on MY goals. Hopefully at some stage in the future I will finally be ready to meet a really nice, emotionally stable, giving, loving guy. I know I’m a bit of a late bloomer cause most women my age have long given up dating the dick heads and are already married or in long-term relationships with the nice guys (yes, I know, I’m an idiot lol!) It’s taken me a long time but I hope I will get there, wish me luck!! xx
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You’re 27, don’t give yourself such a hard time. Many people, women and men don’t get this stuff till much later, if ever.
Good luck – you can do it!
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So
I’m a dude.
Question : what about douche bag women? I get there are PLEANTY of dude douche bags. However in an age of heightened self awareness we must acknowledge douche bag girls. I know a quite a few guys who have been dumped after sometime by shallow, insecure, narcicisstic women who cheat, fornicate, binge drink, are financially selfish and are emotionally abusive. These are 30 something, profesdional women too. The guys are left scared and vulnerable to ongoing emotional stress and I know one guy ( the nicest dude ever) who was at risk of self harm. Thankfully he is fine now.
So…,let’s be balanced here. There are douche bag chicks too ( just a lower incidence of them as a proportion of the population )
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Youre right of course J. What you see here is the natural bias of a site predominantly visited by heterosexual women.
Not sure if your last sentence is correct – I expect nice and not so nice people occur at similar rates in both sexes.
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So tru J. I have 2 good looking adult sons who are smart and loving. One in particular has a great job and earns mega bucks and drives a fabulous car That song ‘Girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money’ often crosses my mind and I just hope that they don’t get conned by some douche bag female. Goes both ways.
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You are right. I am often so amazed at the behaviour of some women and how men can be attracted to them. I’m 38, and as much as I haven’t been exactly what you call ‘lucky’ in the love department, I could probably never bring myself to call the men who I’ve loved or thought I could love douchebags. They might not have turned out to be the loves of my life, but there was something that attracted me to them and there were things about them that I couldn’t help but love.
It’s hard, really hard sometimes, to think that there is someone who will come along and blow these guys out of the water in the ‘perfect for me’ stakes. But I haven’t given up hope … yet. In so many ways, those guys have helped me understand what I want and what I DON’T want.
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What a lovely article! I hope this comes true for me too
My ex was lovely most of the time but we were different people. But he acted like a complete douche at the end. Five years. Lived together for one. Had a pappy together. Then walked out with no explanation and refused to discuss it. Not very nice behavior. But hey life moves on and I’m not going to hold a grudge. Some people are just real wimps.
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Very weak behaviour! Similar thing just happened to my best friend, it seems to be quite common guys just breaking things off and refusing to discuss it or being a man and giving their reasons. Very hard to deal with and hard to get closure but you have the right attitude! Like you said, life goes on, now onto bigger and better things!
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What about when you’re 28, and haven’t been with a douche OR a prince? When does the prince come along?
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Have you tried Internet dating, worked for me!
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Loved your article Rebecca….rang true for me….. my first relationship started in high school, terrible…exhausting relationship for 4 years….then met the most amazing wonderful man who is now my husband and father of our 4 children, believe in it, it happens xoxoxo
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Yup. Been there and done that. Had a great boyfriend (so I thought) for 2 years. We moved over to the UK together…then he started sneaking round. I’m somewhat of a Nancy Drew/Trixie Beldon (see – all those books were worthwhile!!!) and just had a ‘hunch’. Pretty much suspected he was doing one over on me when I called his aunty to find he wasn’t at her place for a ‘family weekend’ – but off having a dirty weekend with some girl. Confirmed when some chick called our phone asking for him one day…. I called her back and she didn’t even know about ME. Seeing as we lived together I was pretty stunned…. gah. But I got my own back by packing up my stuff the next time he stayed at hers (he was ‘working late and crashing at a mates’) and left him with my months rent to pay and cleared out of town to stay with a girlfriend in London. My family etc knew I was going but not him. It was a rather fabulous moment!!!
Then 4 months later (nearly 12 years ago) I met my now husband…… so, the theory is TRUE!!!
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Couldn’t agree more! I was with a man (who I thought was ‘the one’) who told me all of his ex-partners kept getting pregnant with other men straight after he had broken-up with them. At the time I felt rather sorry for all these women but when it became patently clear that he was in fact not the man of my dreams and we broke-up, six months later I discovered a very beautiful man who I subsequently found myself having a child with only a few months later. It was only then that I realised that being with someone who is insensitive, egotistical and cruel makes you seek out someone who is sensitive, empathic and loving. I believe in the theory!
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all i can say i love Beyonce!!!!!! she is so stunning!
and i fully agree! you def have to date the douches and then u will meet your prince charming!!!
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Sorry, i couldnt get past the word ‘douche’ which is an Americanism. There must be 50 Australian words with the same intended meaning. Why not use them?
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Ummm. YES!! Could not agree more….. decided it must be a Gen Y thing or something???
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HAhahaah I have to agree with this, it took me a while to work out what the word was, I thought the article was about kissing a cream cake lol
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Totally totally totally!!!!!
I went out with a whole heap of idiots, players, pretentious dicks etc etc! My mum and dad patiently watched me soft through the shit over the dating years. (with minimal involvement).
And you are so right.. It helped me tune into my ‘player radar’ – can spot a guy only after a root a mile away.. It also taught me what I was and wasn’t prepared to put up with. For example, I gave all of my birthday 21st money to my (then boyfriend) so that he could fund his weed habit.. I sold my tv, always drove him everywhere cause he had no money (he spent it all on weed).
I learned I will never make excuses for a guy, if he doesn’t do the chasing, he’s not that interested.. Etc etc! Helped me find the wood through the sleaze!! (hahah not the Forrest trough the trees!!!!)
I honestly think if I hadnt been through so many idiots, I wouldn’t be as wonderfully happy as I am now (married to the love of my life with 2 children!!)
As my brother says, gotta slay the hoodrats before finding the real thing!!!!!
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I can totally relate to this…..take my hats off to my parents for having the courage and faith to sit back while I waded through brown water, I hope I am able to be relatively neutral when, or hopefully if, my kids require this life lesson ox
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Loved this article, thanks so much for sharing! I recently got myself out of a bad 5 year relationship/engagement with a douche bag and almost immediately met the man I am with now, so this resonated with me.
My condolences to your colleague, but you are right- her soul mate is just around the corner!
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Oh so thrilled things have worked out for you! Xx
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Och.. I think I am a magnet for douchbags.. but it’s true that you need to love yourself. This time around I have enjoyed being single and getting to know myself. but it has been 15 months now so..
So if it’s true that everyone has a prince waiting for them.. MY PRINCE, listen up! I am here in BrisVegas.. Will you come already!
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Hahah I am sure he is not too far away……when you least expect it……sound like you are on the right track xo
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My first serious boyfriend – who I met at 18, is now my husband and we have been together for over ten years. I didn’t have to kiss any frogs, but saw plenty of my friends go through many frogs and was lucky enough to find a great guy to share my life with.
I will say this though – my husband was once a frog to other women. I knew him through friends before we began dating and didn’t think much of him but then he kind of ‘rescued’ me from a bad situation and we have been together ever since. I guess that I am just trying to say that perhaps it is a combination of the right people meeting at the right time that leads to, well, magic – for me anyway!!!
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“Every beauty needs to go out with an idiot”
Bono sang it, so it must be true
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Love this! Xx
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Here’s the song it’s from … http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4q_AHAMVQ9c
Love this song!
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At 36 I had all but given up on men, I had played all my cards and had none left to play, tried every avenue for meeting a guy, tried rock climbing, a movie club, went to bars, nightclubs, church, all kinds of places, and tried dating sites and speed dating, and really I was happy with myself and my friends and friends (I too had a douchbag in my 20′s and gave him all of my 20′s but not my 30′s) and then I started a new job and well 18 months later I am now married to this wonderful guy, he was not my cup of tea to begin with, infact I wasn’t even interested in him, but over time a friendship grew and before you knew it, I found him.
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See when you LEAST expect it
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I once dated this guy who broke up with me because he didn’t think I would lick his dirty bum. He said love is licking someone’s dirty bum. He was a douche.
He also constantly told me how his family hated me and how he could do better. Why did I ever stay with him? No idea.
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What. The. Fuck.
No really. So glad you aren’t with him anymore . . .
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Hey MM Community, I am Vanessa and I work at MM
) Just wanted to say to all the single ladies, you are definitely not alone!!!
I was in a 9 year relationship and we basically grew apart and wanted other things in life (this is the “diplomatic version
). So for me the dating scene is all brand new. It is like re-learning all my social skills again; learning to read signals, learning to cope with rejection and where to draw the line at timewasters/liars and bullshit artists. I listened to alot of people giving me advice and telling me “oh he’s right round the corner”, the best advice, as MUCH as i hate to say it is enjoy the time to yourself.
I am still trying to find who I am as an individual, what I enjoy in life and change my thinking from being emotionally dependant on another person and try todistract myself. At the same time, continue to date and take each experience (whether it be good or bad) as a learning experience. And when I say learning experience I mean use it to determine what you will accept in a person and what you will not. This will help you meet your ideal person and build your filters and bullshit detectors. I wish I could sit here and tell you all my experiences, because they really are out of this world and pass on my lessons.
My first rule is to write up a list of your dream person, can be as superficial as you like, and you can change and adjust it whenever you want. Some people may disagree and say I am being picky and I may miss out on the one due to someone not having “brown hair” but its all a filter for that period of where you are in your mindset. Second of all I recommend you ladies all trying to find your feet – read this book (this is not a plug, it was actually handed to be by a fellow sister) it helped me change my approach to men with regards to dating. Its called “The Manual” By Steven Santagati (featured on Oprah) published by Allen & Unwin. Do yourself a favour and read it!
I agree you do have to kiss alot of douches before you find your prince and I am still on my quest, but its NOT a priority at the moment – the priority now is me.
If you need a little bit of motivation – listen to the lyrics of Madonna’s Express Yourself – when I was a kid i loved this song and my interpretation of it was speaking up for one self. Now as a 30 year old it has changed in meaning … for me it now means don’t be afraid to test a man/woman and have the ability to speak up and work on your terms – and don’t make someone a priority who only makes you an OPTION (or second best) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsVcUzP_O_8&ob=av2e
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Brilliant! Especially the dream list bit. There’s one in my wallet and one in my notes section on my phone as a reminder. 90s Madonna rocked!
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How do you know if you’ve met your prince? I was with a douche for 5 years (a douche I thought I’d marry), and when I came out of my shock-induced coma a few months after we broke up, I realised that I was in a serious relationship with the rebound guy.
We stayed together for over a year, then I broke up with him to be single and ‘work out what I want’. I’ve missed him all day, every day since – which is either 9 months ago or one month ago, depending on whether you count the accidental post-Races hook up. And yet I can’t help but wonder if there’s a greater, more satisfying love out there I just don’t know about yet. Do I hold out for someone who makes me want to settle down, or is this beautiful, kind, fun, considerate man the One? I don’t know!! Who knew it was this complicated?
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I don’t have the answer as I haven’t found mine, but sounds to me that you need to concentrate on loving yourself first and making yourself happy. Don’t rely on other people to make you happy or entertain you … I’ve been told once you are in “that happy place” you will radiate and attract the right people not the jerks! (always happens when you least expect it!) people are attracted to positivity so stay positive (know it can be hard sometimes)… for instance this is the first Christmas I am without a partner… *depresseing!* BUT the upside is that money I would have blown on a Christmas gift I spent on a gift for myself! hahaha! and I chose to spend Christmas with people who love me and appreciate me and make me happy! So take a break, write that damn list of what you want in life first and in a man and a rule of what is acceptable in life and what isn’t…
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When you know, you will know.
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I wrote my list too Vanessa, and my love fulfilled all of the requests, and then some! So worth it xx
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Thanks Vanessa, I broke up with my douche 8 months ago after 20 years, can’t believe I wasted all that time on him, but at least I have 2 beautiful children out of it. Although I get lonely, I am enjoying finding out who I am and what I want from life. Looking forward to finding my dream man someday
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COULD NOT AGREE MORE! spent about 18 months with a douchebag, got dumped via text 3 days after my birthday and had to move out. now with the most beautiful, gorgeous guy in the whole world. and that’s my story!
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Yay; this pleases me
xx
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Unfortunately I have gone through many douches and still not found my prince. The latest one just recently ending but still I have hope.
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Ooh yep – totally agree. But the douches make you who you are today (through varying and many good, bad, terribly, and otherwise ways) and the person who you become attracts the prince, per se.
My husband is CONSTANTLY reciting ‘you’ve got to slay a few dragons before you get to the princess’ rhetoric to broken hearted friends – and yes, he might be referring women as dragons (and frankly, for every douche, there’s a woman pulling the same thing on a bloke somewhere too, let’s not get too precious) but the saying works for both men and women.
The trick I think is to acknowledge that he was a douche and move onward and upward
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Sometimes it’s hard to tell if you’re dating a douche or a prince…
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Really? I think you have doubts that someone is a nice guy then he’s probably not..
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Took more than one frog for me to kiss before I found my prince.
I don’t know if each of them was neccesary, but I know I learnt something from all of them.
As Picardie said below me. I don’t know if you need to kiss a douche or two before you can find your prince, but it sure makes you appreciate them more when you do.
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Miss T – What’s your blog? I keep hearing about it and would like to have a quick squiz?
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Sure, it’s http://www.tamsinhowse.com
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Merci bien!
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But why do the douches have to play so hard to get.. it just makes them so goddamn attractive
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You don’t have to kiss a douchebag to get a good guy – but it does help you appreciate a good one when you get him!
In my circle of friends, we largely got it right first go. I think it’s as a result of all of us being single for SO long beforehand – we grew up on our own and knew we didn’t need a man! So we mostly skipped the ‘poor treatment’ stage and went straight to the prince.
We could probably all skip this phase if we knew how we wanted to be treated from the start and stuck with it. Don’t cave because you’re lonely and desperate, hold out for someone worthy.
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So, basically, you learn from your mistakes? And making the effort to learn from your mistakes means you’re less likely to make further mistakes? And there I was hoping/assuming people already knew that…
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If it was only one, single, little, insignificant douche bag that you had to kiss before “the one” comes along … then again, that’s probably one douche bag too many
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Totally agree!
Had 2 douche bags and then found a guy that amazes me with his generosity, affection and care. I wonder how I got so lucky somedays, and I guess it’s just because I was due for some luck in love and was ready to appreciate it.
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Sounds like you are in a wonderful place! Xx
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Your absolutely right, I think a relationship autopsy is the best thing for your poor friend. If he can do that to her, he will do it to another. She should take solace in the fact that her prince charming is just around the corner.
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I’ve been with three douche bags in the last six years, been single for the last two years. I’ve done a lot of “debriefing” and autopsy reports with dear friends – some of whom have found their one, some who counsel people as part of pastoral care and others who think it better to be single than in a crappy ‘dig away at your self worth’ type of relationship. I do long for that companionship and really, really miss sex but not enough for me to be with another douche bag. I read a few people’s comments RE: bad relationships make you appreciate the good ones. Well my problem was that I appreciated the bad ones as up until recently, that is all I thought I was worth so trust me…I’ll be more than appreciating the good one. It’ll be a complete breath of fresh air to be in a dynamic where both parties respect and love each other. An upside to 2010/11 has been the bonds and couple of friendships that I’ve formed. They are so so very precious to me and I’m not sure if the Universe is trying to tell me something but I’ll wait to see what happens. In the meantime, I’ll continue to write tunes based on the legacy left by the douches…It’s not all bad. Those relationship lessons are things that I value so much and I’m the sort who “gets things” after going through them and this’ll sound odd but thank you ex no.1, ex no. 2 and ex no.3! Because of you I know what to look out for, I know to listen to my intuition when she’s warning me and best of all – the lessons I’ve learned have inspired really quirky tunes so I’ll be sure to thank them in any awards speeches.
But seriously, how come it’s the rubbish things/people who turn out to be some of the best teachers when it comes to life experience? At the time I didn’t think so but now I do. Well if what you say is true, my partner in crime (I don’t believe in princes) is somewhere out there. Just hope I don’t have my blinkers on when I bump into him!
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My phiosophy is if they make you cry more than they make you laugh – ditch them!
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Nice one. Totally agree. They should enrich your life above everything else, not take xx
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I think that we are all attracted to a certain type of person. It’s something to do with the chemical makeup in our brains from birth or something that has conditioned us in very early childhood. I don’t know why this is because I am not a sexologist.
But because of this if you are unfortunately attracted to douche men who treat you badly or unavailable men (be it emotional unavailable, gay men or married men), you have a tendency to keep repeating the cycle.
The only way to get away from that is to make a decision in your mind to go out with someone who isn’t “your type” of man, try a different type for a change and see how it goes.
I got married and had my children late in life because I spent many years being sexually attracted to very sexually aggressive men, when it came to my sexuality I liked to live on the edge. That’s all fine and dandy at the time but those sorts of men aren’t really conducive to a long lasting happy relationship.
Of course sexually my husband isn’t the type of sexual partner I much prefer but the trade off has been more than worth it.
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Lily Amorous? What a perfect name!
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So 100% true for me! I always say you need to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.
I had an “on again, off again” co-dependant unhealthy relationship with a guy for about 5 years until I decided I’d had enough and it was time to move on, once and for all. Met someone else who I thought was “the one”, he told me he loved me on our 2nd date, talked about marriage, kids & where to build our dream house – the whole she-bang. Turned out he was having the same conversations with at least one other girl at the same time and turned out to be an even bigger douche than the first guy. I was upset, but I’d had my suspicions all along, so wasn’t exactly heart broken.
So that night I decided, that was it… I was gonna be on my own and I was ok with that. Just two nights later I was out drowning my sorrows / celebrating my fabulous new single life with friends and BAM! There he was! Deliberately bumping into me and flirting outrageously with me at the pub. Little did I know that 7 years later (it’s our anniversary in 2 weeks time) he would turn out to be the love of my life! A divine, tall, dark and handsome George Clooney type who I still swoon about. Who my parents, grandparents and all my friends adore.
I was almost 32 when we met so i spent pretty much all my 20′s kissing frogs. Mr Right is out there, sometimes you’ve just gotta get rid of Mr Wrong before he can get to you!
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Yes, happened to me! I went out with a huge douchebag. I met my husband of 6 years a few years after him. I totally agree and I say it all the time “the bad relationships make you appreciate the really good ones”.
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I disagree with this article. Douchebags are easy to spot. You can date them but don’t get into a relationship with them. Better to be alone and confident that you are waiting for a guy worthy of your commitment. I was always the single one while a lot of my friends were in relationships with guys you were clearly wrong for them. And most of them knew! They look back and say, ‘such a waste of time’. Then at 28, I met my now-husband. I was ready, he was ready and we clicked immediately. I had consciously tried not to have any baggage in my life. I am so thankful I set that bar for myself as it’s made our relationship so much easier.
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My husbands true colours didn’t come out until AFTER we got married. I had no way of knowing before hand that he was a douche. Some people are clever actors . . .
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I agree cupcake. My ex-husband’s true colours came out after marriage AND three beautiful (planned and wanted) children. Very much an actor also…
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Your last few sentences = ‘me too!’ Meeting when you’re older and have yourself sorted (and haven’t been through lots of crap) is awesome. You’re both ready and don’t have much baggage from having dodged the douches.
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Ahh yes. In fact I tease Bloke for taking a bit too long (for us to meet – he kept working away) as I had to date a douche in the interim ;P
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My ex-fiance was definitely a douche. He came to me one day and basically said to me: “I want to be able to sleep with other women and you should be okay with that.” Funnily enough, I wasn’t. So I ended it. This came two weeks after I’d given up the lease on my fabulous place to move into a new apartment that his parents had bought for us to rent off them. It wasn’t until I got the hell away from him for awhile that I realised just how badly he’d ruined my self-esteem and that I had really dodged a bullet!
That was over two years ago, still waiting on Mr Perfect to show up! In the meantime – go back to douchetown, doucheclown.
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I talk about this a little on my blog – http://www.venusandeve.blogspot.com/
there is a subheading down the page called: Somebody that i used to know..
Basically, from these awful relationships, and that goes for friendships as well, we need to reassess them once they are over – learn from our mistakes and look at the positives that have come out of, sometimes really shitty, situations. It’s often hard to see while you’re in it, or just been dumped! But in few or more months your friend should start to see the positives and understand what an amazing person she is – and she deserves an amazing person in return.
I was with a guy for ages and to be honest, he didnt love me enough – or as much as i deserved. So years went by, and I tried to fix it, make it work, make him a better boyfriend. Hey guess what – it doesnt work. You cant change someone, and asking or expecting someone to be someone they are not only leads to hurt and pain.
I am now married to the love of my life – he was worth waiting and trawling through the doosh-bags for! He treats me with respect and love everyday, as I do him. Good luck ladies xx
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This song rocks! Pumped to avoid arseholes!