.
by NATALIA JASTRZAB
I’m not engaged. Not even close to engaged. But the other weekend, I found myself sitting in a bar on Fitzroy Island (just off the coast of Cairns) planning my future wedding there.
I’ve always been a fan of the destination wedding. The whole tying-the-knot-while-barefoot-on-a-beach vision just appeals to me. And the island was gorgeous. Blue water, coral beaches, a stunning marble-decor resort, a cool bar with a rainforest at the back door… what’s not to like?
At one point I actually started calculating how much it would cost to accommodate everyone on my imaginary guest list. Sadly, it was too expensive even for future me. So could I expect my nearest and dearest to pay their own way?
Fact: weddings cost a bomb even when they’re located in your home town. Gifts, parking, childcare, new shoes, maybe you’re a bridesmaid – it all adds up. But destination weddings add a whole new layer of expensive hell, as columnist and author Sam de Brito wrote this weekend:
‘You are invited to the wedding of Jack and Diane,” says the embossed, heavy-gauge flap of tasteful, cream cardboard. You think, ”Sweet, this will be fun”, and then you see the suggestions for accommodation in Byron Bay, Bali or friggin’ Bangladesh.
Yes, you are invited … to spend a shitload of money.
Surely you’ve had this happen? A friend or family member ties the knot, but because they had their first kiss on the powdered slopes of Queenstown, they decide to re-create the magic for 100 guests on the South Island of New Zealand.
Actually, Queenstown wouldn’t be too bad a prospect; I’d drop a grand to get loose in the snowfields. However, when it’s some bordering-on-bogan beach resort or a wine region where three inbred families control the pricing of the B&B market like the Sicilian Mafia, it can be a lot of money to spend to hear crap speeches.
Flights. Car hire. Accommodation. And if you have children, you have to farm them out or bring them with you. Then it’s more clams for babysitters or bribes to relatives to look after your little darlings.
And that’s if it’s domestic. Overseas weddings? Add in the cost of visas, travel insurance, rabies shots and, maybe, a discreet firearm once you’ve landed – if the groom’s from the former Soviet Union.
But hold on, you also want me to buy you a friggin’ wedding present? I’d have thought my ”presence” in Zagreb proved my affection.
After all that – why would anyone ever consider a destination wedding? Well, on the flip side, Sam points out that they might actually help to filter out some of those “just-because” invites which can only be a good thing when you’re talking about your partner’s distant cousins. And their kids.
What do you think of destination weddings? Would you have one? Have you had one? Have you ever been to one? Do you think it’s ridiculous to ask guests to travel too far?
Comments
213 Comments so far
HELP!
My husbands sister is getting married. We all live in Perth.
The wedding is in 6 months – no formal invite. Just family and close friends.
Location – The south of France – no connection to the couple, they just like it there.
Five day celebration – dinner, wedding, lunch etc. We are the only ones with kids (3) they are not invited to any of the events.
last minute change was the two eldest were asked to be in the ceremony only, not reception.
Husband and her other brother not in the bridal party, groom has brides cousin and husband of one bridesmaid as groomsmen. Other bridesmaid is wife of photographer.
Suggested to us we take a nanny with us or look into French babysitters.
Grooms parents not attending, just his sister, as they are too old to travel comfortably.
Has also been queried why my husband doesn’t just attend alone…
loading...
A destination wedding is fine, just don’t get upset (or if you do get upset don’t tell) if people can’t make it. And that includes people you’ve asked to be part of your bridal party. It’s a big ask on all fronts. I personally have a problem with Friday weddings. Between annual leave and trying to get baby sitters for after child care they are impossible and I always turn up grumpy – especially when I hear the bride and groom chose a Friday because it was cheaper!
loading...
I’ve just got back from attending a wedding in Denmark. The bride was Danish and because of where she was born and baptised could get married in a royal church. Yup, it was as amazing as you are imagining.
We didn’t think twice about attending as it was my partner’s brother who was the groom but I was amazed by how many of their Australian friends made the trip. The bride and groom seemed completely thrilled and grateful.
I think the key with all destination weddings is to acknowledge the effort that guests have made. They did that and everyone felt like their effort was rewarded.
loading...
i come from a small family, most of which is in France. My husband’s family is from NZ. Everyone was going to have to travel anyway. We wanted the wedding in August so that my family could come.
So we did the wedding in a small island off Brisbane. It was beautiful, warmer than Sydney, accommodation was cheaper, and lots of our Sydney friends came. Win-win-win.
It was also very casual. The celebrant, band, cake and flowers all arrived on the 2pm ferry and the celebrant left on the 4pm ferry. )
loading...
I know a few people who have actually gotten married overseas for precisely these reasons…too expensive for their five hundred cousins and Uncle Pat that haven’t seen for four years…..if they ‘do the right thing’ and invite them…then they’re less likely to come to a destination they have to spend money on….costing the couple less….ensuring them a time only with the people who ‘really’ want to come.
loading...
I dont know about anyone else.. but why would anyone want to get married in bali? i couldnt imagine anything worse than celebrating my day on a stinky hot day in a 3rd world country.. sure you save a couple of grand, but celebrating in a poverty stricken country with bintang bogans in the background, is not my cup of tea
loading...
We got married in Bali in 1993, just the two of us. Was seriously the best wedding I’ve ever been to (biased) because it was about us getting married, not the wedding. We sat by a lily pond in an Ubud garden, looking out over the rice paddies with insects buzzing around our noses as we took our vows and laughed with happiness. Our Mums cried a lot when they found out but knowing my Dad could retire earlier by not having to pay a fortune for ‘my day’ was more important to us. Highly recommend the DW to anyone!
loading...
I have been to two DW’s in the past 12 months and have another 3 to go – total is New Zealand, Bali, Margaret River, South Africa and the Cook Islands. It is sending me broke but nice to be part of their day
loading...
I had one set of close friends have a DW that I unfortunately couldn’t make it to due to financial reasons. They simply put it out to all their family and friends that this was what they were doing and would love them to join them if they could, if they couldn’t, no hard feelings. They also stated no wedding presents required, the fact you made it to the wedding was more than enough!
I also had another close friend “spring” her surprise wedding on everyone when we were on the plane on our way to Bali for a holiday! She waited til we had all confirmed our travel arrangements and then secretly arranged her wedding to take place while we were over there. She surprised her long term partner with a proposal on the plane on the way over and then issued us with our invites. Massive surprise for everyone but heaps of fun!
loading...
wait- she told (im sorry, proposed to) her partner that they were getting married when they got off the plane?!?!! trapped him much?!
loading...
I am from the US (east coast) and my husband from Melbourne. I did not want to ask people other than my immediate family to travel – it is such an imposition on so many levels (in my opinion). After tossing around Hawaii (halfway) and deciding that it would still be too expensive for some people who we really wanted to celebrate with us we decided to have our wedding-wedding here (ceremony plus reception) and a celebratory party in NYC. Thus, we really wore the cost of our global relationship which seems fair – and we were able to celebrate our wedding with everyone we cared about…just not all at once. We took over a slide show of our Aussie wedding. I didn’t wear a proper wedding dress so I wore the same dress to both and my husband wore the same suit to both. I invitation was a “tri-fold” – left side with Aussie wedding details/right side with US celebration details/middle with “our” details and invite language). I bulk sent all the US invites to my mom who then used local postage to send them out, and all the US invite RSVP’s went back to my mom to avoid the whole international postage thing).
Only my immediate family flew over for our Aussie wedding. I would have loved more friends to come, but it is just too much…plus, I really did/do feel that I’d much rather have my American friends make the trek to Australia one at a time so that I could actually enjoy there visit as most likely, they will only be making the trip very, very infrequently…of course, I’m still waiting for most of them to visit, but I think they will eventually as their children get older.
loading...
Oh, so true. For my wedding, my mother in law organised parking vouchers because she didn’t want guests to have to pay for parking (which I didn’t think was a big deal). However, my brother in law and sister in law got married interstate – much higher cost to attend than a few hours of parking! To top it off, they had a ‘no babies or kids’ reception.
loading...
I know someone who had their wedding in Brisbane City and had relatives who live in New Farm complain about it (paying for parking etc). She was understandably a bit annoyed when she was paying out $100 per head for them…
I say it is your day, do what you want. We had friends get married in the Bahamas – would’ve loved to attend but just couldn’t afford it and they completely understood. If your friends don’t understand that then what sort of friends are they?
loading...
have a friend who had a destination wedding – just in Australia – but over a holiday weekend where there was a minimum booking for 3 nights for the room at a ritzy resort, so it was going to be expensive, especially when I was supposed to factor in the costs for all the additional wedding activities – picnics, private bus tours of vineyards etc – plus arrange someone to babysit for at least 2 or 3 days as kids were not invited (that didn’t bother me just the logistics did).
Given it was her second wedding I told her she was in danger of trying to outdo the first wedding and that not everyone could afford what she was planning and if they came to the wedding and the reception(the actual event) that should be enough. We shouldn’t have to ‘prove’ out friendship by opting in the whole shebang… the demands and expectations created a lot of nastiness and ill feeling which still linger amongst the circle of family and friends to this day.
I was ‘told’ what my wedding present to them would be – all the invitations to the wedding, which then became the order of service, menus, placecards, wine tags, thankyou notes… which was then expected for the second ceremony planned for another OS wedding with the groom’s family. I was over it and unfortunately the long term ‘friendship’ too
loading...
I’ve always thought…. the more lavish the wedding, the speedier the divorce.
loading...
‘bordering-on-bogan beach resort’
Is there any other type? Magic writing Nat.
loading...
Mmmm this article sounds vaguely familiar….Sam are you secretly Meg Mason who writes Mum vs World in Sunday magazine??!! This exact article was in there last week!
loading...
Virtually everyone i know who’s had a destination wedding had one specifically so not many people attended! Only those they’re very close to. I’m sure they’re gushing and telling you how much they want you to come – but dont be fooled!
When i get married, i will DEFINITELY marry elsewhere – i only want very close, special people coming along. The only sadness will be not being able to have my dog there!
loading...
We have our wedding in feb (that we are paying for) and my partners best friends wedding in July in spain…he has been asked to be the best man? we can’t afford it at all, but how can we not go? we are renovating and hope to start a family soon…its hard to decide what to do…..advice anyone?
loading...
I’m assuming you mean Feb and July 2013?
Having just been to a destination wedding, and being bitter about the cost as it took money away from our renovations, my advice (with the benefit of hindsight) would to be completely up front.
Maybe the wedding couple are planning on paying for accommodation? So you might just have to pay for flights? If they’re not, could you maybe ask if their present to you for your wedding could be some accommodation for their wedding?
But, if you really can’t afford it … then honestly, state it up front. There’s no point stretching the budget to get there if you really shouldn’t because it might damage the friendship.
loading...
I agree, I see destination weddings simply as someone setting your holiday itinary for you and then expecting you to pay for it whether you like the destination or not.
I think it is quite selfish and demanding. Sure have a destination wedding if you are going to pay for your bridal parties accommodation, but otherwise dont be offended if they cant afford it or dont want to pay for it.
loading...
What about the people that would love to come and celebrate with you but can’t afford the trip? I was recently super disappointed to miss out on a close friends wedding because I just couldn’t afford it. We also work together so I got to hear all the details but didn’t get to experience what sounded like a really lovely time for them. I was not made to feel guilty about not going but being left out is no fun either. Wish I could have been there with them and our other friends for such an important moment!
loading...
Am in the midst of planning my own destination atm.
I’m Aussie, he’s Canadian and we live in Canada. I have a bigger family but there was no way we were going to ask either family to travel the 24 hours from Toronto to Sydney or vice versa.
As soon as we started talking about getting engaged (about 12 months before we did) we started letting people know the wedding would be in Hawaii – just about as close to half way between the two cities as possible.
Save the dates went out a full 12 months in advance (early notice is key!), which means most people had had almost 2 years notice. All our close family and friends have indicated they can make it, which is exciting, and a real treat as we fully understand attending our wedding comes with a hefty price tag!
Thankfully with the notice provided many of our guests have been able to include our wedding into other travel plans. One friend said “We’ve always wanted to visit Hawaii and will wait until your wedding to do so!”
At the end of the day, our families were great and said do what you want to do, those that can/want to come will. Not everyone can but like many others with DW, we’re planning reception dinners in both cities post marriage to celebrate with those that couldn’t make the trip.
With global lifestyles even local weddings can lead to high travel costs, like if your mate gets married somewhere you all used to live but don’t any longer. While I’ve travelled back to Oz for two friends wedding since moving os, I had to miss another’s as I couldn’t swing a trip at the time. No hard feelings and we celebrated together when we could. Close friends and family typically understand personal circumstances.
Each to their own and when it’s your day you can plan it your way!!
loading...
I’ve been invited to two overseas weddings that I declined because I just couldn’t really afford to go. The decision was easy at the time, I just didn’t have extra money for it, so I sent a card with my best wishes and regrets that I couldn’t attend. What was I supposed to do, take out a personal loan to attend a wedding? The reaction from family afterwards was that I should have made more of an effort to be there. Why???? Granted this wasn’t technically an overseas wedding for the couple getting married, my family just happen to be scattered to the four corners of the globe.
loading...
To echo others, if you want to have a DW, have one, but accept that people can’t go and don’t guilt trip them. Also, make it plain you don’t expect gifts. I doubt I would have one as I think (even without expectation, per se) it’s rude to even ask people to travel overseas for you. I would have the wedding where the largest percentage of my guests live. Some people will have the courage to say no, but others will spend money they really can’t afford and later struggle to catch up.
I went to one last year for one of my oldest friends, and she made it very clear that a) they completely understood if people couldn’t and b) no presents were expected. I went because I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t, but I have to honestly say it was incredibly stressful.
loading...
If a person and their partner are from opposite sides of the globe – there is a very high chance that they’ll have a similar number of people in each place…..
I am Australian and my partner is from Brazil. We aren’t engaged yet, but let me tell you that our eventual wedding location is a huge talking point for us and causes us a lot of stress knowing that no matter where we decide to marry we’ll be asking an enormous commitment from some of our loved ones.
Coming from the position I do, your comment about it “being rude to ask people to travel for you” is hurtful. Would you prefer to be invited or not invited because a person is concerned they’ll be considered rude for asking?
loading...
What an appropriate article. My partner (Kiwi) and myself (Aussie) have just become engaged. When we met we did long distance for a year then I moved to Queenstown for 2 years and loved every minute of it. We now have been in Perth for a year and intend to stay here for the next 4-5 years. We have both travelled overseas and did our working holiday for 3 years prior to meeting so we’ve got friends scattered in the UK, right across Australia and New Zealand. Right, where to have the wedding? We both are pretty easy-going and neither of us have a dying wish to have the wedding in a certain place. Options would be my small country town in NSW, or his hometown in NZ (Queenstown). OR a destination wedding in Fiji, QLD etc? Advice?
loading...
If you’re not too fussed where you’re going to have the wedding, maybe ask everyone who wants to come? For example, narrow it down to 3 or 4 ‘destinations’ and send an email to everyone on their thoughts? Maybe just ask that since you’d love them all to come and you’ll know it will come at a great expense to them, you’d love them to be going somewhere that they might also enjoy as a holiday or somewhere they’ve been meaning to go. Putting the destiations out there for feedback? ….
loading...
I always thought the destination wedding was such a rude ask of friends and family – the cost of travel just seemed too much to push on to people when you took into consideration what the costs were already. But then, the day we were due to pay the deposit for a big flash venue on the Northern Beaches of Sydney I had an epiphany …. the 160+ people that we were ‘expected’ to invite didn’t really have a place in our lives anymore – and many hadn’t even met my fiancee or me! We made the decision to have a destination wedding after confirming that those nearest and dearest with us would be able to make the trip.
BEST DECISION EVER!
The bulk of our guests coined it the best wedding ever as it gave them the excuse to have that mini-break that they just kept putting off because life continually got in the way! We requested no presents – as the gift of them coming was more than enough; and also organised some more affordable accommodation at the venue we were staying at.
Don’t get me wrong – there were the nay-sayers – but hey … a party, a trip and an all around fabulous time …. we only live once …
loading...
I had a destination wedding. Best decision ever. We knew that everyone that had gone to the time and effort to be there, truly wanted to be there. I didn’t invite family friends or cousins or school friends I hadn’t spoken to for years. We had 60 guests on the day and everyone commented on how they felt privileged to be invited as it was such an intimate affair. I didn’t have to bribe anyone to come, they came of their own free will. And I didn’t make anyone feel guilty if they couldn’t make it. Many of our guests made a holiday of it and came up a few days early and stayed for a few days afterwards.
As I see it, you’ll never please everyone with a destination, date or style of wedding. So pick a date and whoever comes, comes. Whoever doesn’t, doesn’t. Whoever has a good time, has a good time. And whoever doesn’t, is a pain in the butt and should have declined in the first place (and most likely enjoys a good whinge rather than a good time!).
loading...
We had a destination wedding … where we didn’t invite anybody, because it would have been rude to invite everybody knowing that only some people could afford to come.
So we just eloped and said we were getting married on our own. But do you think that went down well?!
loading...
Wow-Icant believe all the destination wedding hate. In the past 5 years I have been to 1 wedding( out of about 15) that has been within an hour of where I live. Most aren’t destination weddings either. My partner and I both live away from where we separately grew up and separately went to uni. We also lived OS for awhile, so our friends are scattered throughout the east coast. On thewhole these weddings haven’t been ‘destination’ weddings as such-they are where the bride and heron grew up or now live.
We live north of Brisbane, and have ben to weddings and engagement parties-all including return flights for 2 or 6+ hour drives, and at least 2 nights accom to Canberra (3 times), Coffs Harbour (2times), Port Maquarie (2 times) Byron bay (2 times) Sydney (4 tomes) Griffith (1) mudgee (1) Newcastle (2) Melbourne (1).
Yes it gets expensive, an we would Luke to take weekends away where it was the two of us for no reason, but we love our friends/family an wouldnt have missed celebrating with them for the world!
loading...
It takes longer than an hour to get from one end of Sydney to the other, so that sort of travel is a reality if you have friends that live in Cronulla and you live in Hornsby!
loading...
I think destination weddings are good in theory. And if you are extremely lucky that the people you want there are willing and happy to come, then great! But most of the time it’s going to cause an expense for someone they didn’t want. Sure, they could elect not to come, but perhaps they feel obliged to come as old friends and family. They would probably be disappointed not to come but would rather it not cost them thousands to attend.
I love the idea of hanging out in Thailand next to the beautiful waters of Phi Phi Island, but I’d rather save that for the honeymoon
loading...
Like Nat, I am nowhere near even thinking about my own wedding. However, the idea of asking my family and friends to spend so much money on me and my partner makes me very uncomfortable. To be honest, it mortifies me. Is it not a little self centred and self important to think that people will spend that much money on your day? Im cringing at the very thought.
I’m not really at the stage where weddings are a thing among my friends, but i absolutely cannot imagine having the gall to ask that of the people around me. Maybe I’m being naive and my opinions will change as it becomes more relavant to me?
loading...
Have a wedding of a close guy cousin (we grew up together) coming up in Vanuatu, not somewhere that I would otherwise care to go to. This couple did not give us a wedding gift (local wedding) & they earn good money…kept saying it’s on its way but 5 years later still waiting. They also had a big fight on the night of our wedding which kind of put a dampener on our night. Trying our hardest to be excited for them but it’s hard. It’s going to cost our family at least a few thousand, money that we would rather put to our mortgage or perhaps even a holiday of our choosing. Is that harsh?
loading...
Don’t go! Doesn’t sound like they’re worth it.
loading...
I’d just let them know that it’s not in your budget at the moment, and send them a nice card (and gift if you feel so inclined). I personally find “destination” weddings, particularly those overseas, to be a wee bit self-indulgent.
loading...
I would only consider going to a destination wedding if it was a really close friend or family member, like my sister etc. It doesn’t sound like this person meets that criteria, plus it’s not somewhere you’d like to go anyway. If it’s not too late, I would send my regrets in a lovely card (sans gift) and either put the money on the mortgage or organise your own holiday for 2013-14
loading...
I am hoping my SIL opts for a Bali wedding, then we wont have to attend disaster #3, does that make me a really awful person?
loading...
Get married wherever the hell you want to get married. If people are going to bitch and moan about it, they clearly don’t deserve to be there.
loading...
Not true! For some people it takes a massive cut out of their budget to make an overseas wedding & when it’s someone in your immediate family, you don’t really have a choice.
loading...
Fair enough. But if you’re family really can’t afford it, and you can’t afford to help them out, then clearly you’re not going to have a destination wedding.
Common sense.
loading...
If only others saw it that way!
loading...
common sense is not so common
loading...
Nat I can tell you what’s not to like. It hot and humid all the time up there, Cairns is a horrible place if you don’t like the heat, not to mention those love Sea Wasps in summer.
Anyway my wife and I kept our wedding local. Helped keep the costs down and we knew everyone would be able to come. We did have a surprise with my wife’s godmother from Townsville flying down unexpectedly. However I don’t believe it’s fair to the guests if you expect them all to up stumps to some out of the way place, or even overseas. It’s one thing if it’s a family area and the family over in the wedding destination can offer accommodation for the a guest or 2 (as was the case at our wedding) but to expect someone to fly over and pay for accommodation forget that.
loading...
Oh….and don’t get me started on Friday weddings!!
loading...
Nearly as bad as a Sunday night wedding! Is it an attempt to keep costs down so that guests won’t drink so much when they have to go to work the next day?
loading...
Jewish weddings are nearly always on Sunday because Saturday is Sabbath (day of rest) and aren’t allowed to marry. It is certainly not an attempt to save money as kosher weddings are way more expensive!!
loading...
Yes!! I can understand why people want to keep costs down, but as someone who previously had a casual job (no work no pay) then a government job where I had no choice about when I could take annual leave (and it had to be taken as a chunk), I really don’t like Friday weddings.
loading...
They’re known as TAF wedddings. Tight arse Friday.
loading...
Wish all the companies we used knew that. We had a Friday wedding. Nothing was any cheaper but things were more often available than on a Saturday.
We did it for the date – could’ve waited another year for the Saturday, but life’s short isn’t it.
loading...
question: I know this is slightly off topic, but I’m curious to hear everyone’s opinions of this… Is travelling 1 hour away too far for a wedding? I’m considering booking my wedding venue in the mountains near where I live which is approx 1 hour away for most of my guests. There are plenty of places to stay if people wish to, or they could travel the 1 hour home. Is that too much to ask of guests do you think? I’m generally curious to hear what people think of this? Thanks :O)
loading...
In Sydney attending a wedding 1 hour away is nothing, but then again people travel further to work over here.
loading...
No, I certainly don’t think that’s too far. We live in Australia! Everywhere is at least an hour away
loading...
Agree, 1 hour is nothing! Plan away.
loading...
Maybe hire a mini bus to help transport guests? That way those that want to can drink and be dropped home (or back to a cetral spot).
loading...
We live in Sydney and had our wedding in the Blue Moutains. Most guests elected to stay overnight but some drove home afterwards. No-one seemed to think it was too far away- or at least, no-one said that to me. We’ve been to plenty of weddings that are technically “in Sydney” but are move than an hours drive from our house, so I don’t really consider the mountains a destination wedding.
loading...
We hired two buses for our reception, which was about 1 hour away from our church ceremony. It wasn’t too costly, and 13 years later there are still stories doing the rounds of the fun had on those buses! Our guests loved it & it probably added to the relaxed atmosphere at our reception. All the best with your planning! x
loading...
arokh is right, travelling from one end of Sydney to the other always takes more than an hour. I think it can be a mindset for some though. Many of our relatives live over an hour away from us and have never lived anywhere else, so to them that area is the centre of their universe. We’re always travelling out to them for parties, weddings etc…
On the rare occasion when we have a party and they have to travel to us they bitch and moan about how far away we live and why didnt we consider having it closer to them blah blah blah..considering we live 5 kms from the city and they live in woop woop doesnt occur to them
loading...
I just think if you are having destination wedding then courteous thing to do is to say ” No gifts please”..
We went to a beautiful wedding in QLD for great friends (we’re from NSW) who did the above (we still took a gift but only a modest one as that was all we could afford at the time) as well as when the majority of their guests arrived the day before they surprised US by coming to the airport to pick us up. What a gorgeous couple they are
loading...
no one is ever going to be pleased when planning a wedding. there is always going to be someone who doesnt like something or rather. ive been engaged since february this year, and already im going crazy thinking about wedding plans. everyone has an input and although i appreciate ideas and such, sometimes i just wanna tell them “its my friggen wedding”. personally, i wouldnt have a destination wedding, because i just couldnt be bothered with all the hassal of getting there and trying to figure out how my family would pay for it. but each to their own..
loading...
A friend of mine (who lives in Oz) has just agreed to be a bridesmaid for a friend of hers who lives in the UK. The wedding is going to be in the Bahamas. My friend is expected to fly to the UK three weeks before the wedding for the hen’s day and dress fittings. She then has to fly to the Bahamas for the actual wedding, and two weeks after that the couple are having a UK reception, which she is also expected to attend.
That means at least six weeks off work, as well as four long haul flights, plus accommodation and everything else. No offer from the bride to assist with any costs. Bet they expect her to pay for her bridesmaid dress as well. Oh, and the wedding is over Easter next year, so she has less than a year to save up for all of this. Gobsmacked is an understatement.
loading...
Well, I think your friend shouldn’t have agreed to be bridesmaid to tell you the truth – or agreed to be the bridesmaid AND just go to the Bahamas for the actual wedding. Not do it all. Maybe, if she said to the bride “I would love to be your bridesmaid but can really only afford to attend the wedding itself” then she could be pleasantly surprised at the bride’s reaction?
loading...
Woah…
loading...
@ Poodle: with due respect… your friend isn’t ‘expected’ to do anything.
By her own choice, she agreed to be a bridesmaid and so she participates in everything that being a bridesmaid entails by her volition. She could/could have alternatively declined the invite to be a bridesmaid altogether.
loading...
A friend of mine from Canada is engaged to her Aussie partner but doesn’t want a wedding on Australian soil out of respect for her family. I’m lobbying for Africa, it’s kind of in the middle (well not really but we can pretend) and I’m hoping for a chance of a never-had honeymoon with my husband.
It should be mentioned that they’re only planning on inviting immediate family, and as her friend I’ve put my hand up to support them in any way possible. Just give me warning so I can save for it!
loading...
I’m in the Aus/Can couple boat and we’re in the middle of planning our wedding in Hawaii – smack bang in the middle of Toronto and Sydney. Same travel time/costs for both sides of the family and a place we genuinely want to marry.
loading...
Ooh Hawaii!!! There’s a thought. I wonder how that would work for Perth / Toronto. I know they were looking at some of the islands in those waters too.
loading...
What an appropriate article. My partner (Kiwi) and myself (Aussie) have just become engaged. When we met we did long distance for a year then I moved to Queenstown for 2 years and loved every minute of it. We now have been in Perth for a year and intend to stay here for the next 4-5 years. We have both travelled overseas and did our working holiday for 3 years prior to meeting so we’ve got friends scattered in the UK, right across Australia and New Zealand. Right, where to have the wedding? We both are pretty easy-going and neither of us have a dying wish to have the wedding in a certain place. Options would be my small country town in NSW, or his hometown in NZ (Queenstown). OR a destination wedding in Fiji, QLD etc? Advice?
loading...
Friends of ours were married in Fiji last year in October. It poured down from the second we landed until we made it out to the Island the night before the wedding. Boy did the sun shine that day! It was beautiful, it was hot and it was sweaty- but we wouldn’t have been anywhere else, it was the best wedding I had attended in a long time, not only that but if people want to be there for you they will. we have 3 children, my mum looked after them for us for the 5 days. Seriously, it’s your day, do what you want that makes you both feel special. If people can’t make it that’s ok too.
loading...
I got married in Karijini National Park but my husband is from Europe, his family happily travelled all the way to Perth and then up to KNP. My family we’re disgusted we chose to have the wedding ‘so far away’ (2 hr flight + drive).
Moral is: you won’t please all of the people all of the time, and you’re the only one who has to live with the choice you made.
loading...
So true!!
loading...
I’m getting married next year and as we live far away from all our friends and family it will be a destination wedding for them.
Instead of thinking about how much it is costing guests to get there, maybe consider that it also is costing the bride and groom quite a lot of money to have the wedding in the first place. We can’t help where we live and to listen to everyone bitching and moaning about how far/expensive/hard it is – I don’t want you there on the day if you are going to complain the whole time.
loading...
I couldn’t agree more!!
loading...
If its your wedding I reckon you do whatever the hell you want, if you are paying for it. If people want to come that’s great, but you cant be upset if they cant make it. If you really want certain guests there then you bend the “rules” so that they can come (ie. let them bring their kids, pay for their ticket or accommodation etc)
As a guest, it is disappointing when you cant go for whatever reason, but it is no reason to bag the bride and groom for choosing a destination that you dont want to go to or cant afford. I think often the biggest disappointment as a guest is the reality that the bride and groom dont really mind if you come or not.
I think the only people justified in having any input about the choice of destination are the parents if they are expected to pay for it.
loading...
My sister and her now husband are Canadian and live in Calgary, the rest of my family live on the Gold Coast… the compromise? San Fransisco baby!
The result was the best wedding i’ve ever been to… only those really important to the bride and groom were invited… They had their honeymoon in Australia so we threw a ‘reception party’ where i wore my bridesmaids dress and my sister wore her wedding dress… we had a small scale wedding cake and toasts so that noone felt left out…
my advice to anyone wanting a destination wedding is to be considerate of others feelings… having the reception party kept everyone happy
loading...
I feel like weddings in general are becoming big ‘me-fests’. I think it’s perfectly lovely to celebrate a marriage, but so many weddings now seem to be ways to extract their loved ones from cash.
2 of our friends were married at the start of the year and involved nights away for the hens/bucks. Then the gifts and travel to the wedding.
collectively, my partner and I were out around $500, which for our wage (we’re just out of uni) meant we probably will have to put off a holiday of our own.
The day itself was great, and we were happy to be apart of it, but next time I’d have loved to have just done the basics.
loading...
I love weddings. I love travelling. Destination weddings are a great idea, if its a destination you want to go to. When its not on your bucket list of places to visit and forking out a few thousand dollards is part of the privelege of attending they can be a real pain in the arse. My sister and her husband, along with their 2 kids were invited to a wedding in Vanuatu. All asked to be in the bridal party. So they had to go but they had been to Vanuatu before and didnt really like it, so it was $10k they had to spend to do the right thing when they really needed to fix their leaking shower.
loading...
My sister decided to get married in Vanuatu a few years ago in October. I think she was trying to avoid his side of the family, but in the end eliminated ALL her siblings as 1. final exams were a few weeks away. 2. there were only 2-3 flights to get off the island/limited accomodation and they weren’t cheap and 3. with a new mortgage, we were not prepared to spend over $5K to get stuck on an island with minimal things to do, for a family love in. So who went? their parents, her single best friend + partner.
She was pissed off but that was the roll of the dice.
loading...
They sound just fab-o but they can cause so many problems, some guests just cant/or dont want to afford it. Then it becomes this event that excludes so many of the people – friends and family who just cant make it who will then not be apart of your special day!
loading...
A few years ago we spent about $1000 to travel to a good friends wedding in NSW just south of the Hunter Valley, bought an expensive gift off her registry and had to beg for babysitting for the entire weekend. the wedding was lovely but the Bride decided it would be ‘fun’ to mix up the guests and their partners and I spent the best part of the reception sitting between her deaf great uncle and some cousin from Ireland who was drunk before the ceremony began, plus we could only reach the wedding by buses they had hired so we were stuck for ages. The next day a BBQ was organised at the local pub and the bride and groom showed up 3 hours late just in time for all of us to be leaving for the airport. Nice that they made the effort, not.
Besides the generic Thank You card for the gift, I never heard from the bride again. Needless to say I will never travel again unless it is a very close friend.
loading...
u had to sit next to people u didnt even know?! that would piss me off. surely if you wanted to meet new people, u would just approach them yourself….
loading...
Yep. it was so dumb and most of the guests were just as annoyed. Some of our other friends had flown from Asia for the wedding and also to catch up with all of us other good friends (which in my opinion) is what weddings are for these days as well. So 10+ flight + 4 hour drive from Sydney with a 2 year old and our friends had to sit down for almost 3 hours next to aunty Vera…. she was not happy.
loading...
We had a wedding on a Friday up in the hunter valley. It was lovely but the costs were crazy. First the hens, then the bucks parties, which were both day long events. Then 1 night in the hunter (very $$$ if you only want one night) as well as a kind person to pick up children from school and look after them overnight. And then a donation to the wishing well. Lucky it was such a great night cause it cost a fortune.
loading...
I think in the right circumstance it could be a beautiful idea. If you are only having your very close family and friends and you include them in the planning i.e dates etc to accommodate their working/life commitments and the majority of your guests think it’s a great idea. Also if it’s really only going to be your partner, yourself and children then why not.
But expecting 150 people to not only fork out the $$ but also re-arrange their lives for how ever many days it will take to get there, be at the wedding and come back.
I feel bad asking my family and friends to travel to the city which is 50 mins away and I wouldn’t like to put them out trying to find parking. Let alone come with to Bali.
loading...
Sri Lanka, people! I’ll say it again, Sri Lanka!
I was pregnant when my BF told me she was getting married in Sri Lanka. Her and husband-to-be had no ties they just thought it would be “special”. She wanted me to be a bridesmaid. Baby would have been 4 weeks old on day of wedding, I also had a 2yr old toddler. I wasn’t working and would have had to travel by myself with both kids. I just couldn’t do it.
To me she told me it was ok, she understood. To others she said I was “selfish”, “couldn’t make an effort” and that “she thinks shes the only person with kids”.
I loved destination weddings before this.
loading...
How awful!
I presume she’s not your best friend anymore. Anyone listening to her complain about you not going would be more inclined to take your part, I think. At least I do!
loading...
Yeah I was actually quite devastated about the whole charade. Most did take my side, but it didn’t save the friendship. A few years prior she came out to Aus for my wedding but she used to live here and came out for 6wks to see her family and she arranged it for the same time. So she used that as ammunition too.
Weddings, man, they can be fabulous and torture all in one breath!
loading...
At least now every time we get a destination wedding invite, me and the husband fight to say “well at least it ain’t SRI LANKA!” first.
loading...