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I’ve got those dreadful puffy eyes from crying too much. I’m wearing my sunglasses out in public way more than normal and have avoided seeing or speaking to anyone the past couple of days in case they talk to me and I start crying again. I can’t think straight, I’m demotivated and sad and I’m eating way more chocolate than normal.
Have I just experienced a break-up? No. A death in the family? Actually, yes. Our cat died on Mothers Day and I’m devastated.
I have very vivid memories of losing pets as a child and in particular one occasion when I discovered our cat lying dead on the road. I remember crying for what seemed like an eternity and wanting her back so badly – I was so shocked and so very sad. She was older than me so I had never known life without her. My mother told me it was an important lesson to learn and that I needed to be brave.
Going into adulthood I took those experiences with me, smugly thinking they would help me to cope with, heaven forbid, the death of a person or perhaps another pet. How wrong I was.
It was seventeen years ago when I rescued Kimba from some delinquent boys in a shopping mall when she was just a few weeks old. They were mistreating her and using her as their entertainment – I needed to get her out of the situation, so boldly stormed up to them, gave them a lecture and then confiscated the wee kitten by offering to pay them $5 which they gladly accepted before running off. Initially I thought I would just arrange for her to be adopted by some nice family but once I took her home my then boyfriend (now husband) and I decided to keep her.
I keep reminding myself now that I’m SO glad that we did.
Kimba seemed to appreciate so much that we’d given her a better life. She always stayed close to us and I remember when I was very sick she snuggled up right next to me the whole time. She’s moved to numerous houses with us and we’ve even taken her with us on holidays to stay with family. She was our first baby and the centre of our world.
When we had our first human child, Kimba definitely had a change in lifestyle but curiously tolerated the arrival of our firstborn. We used to joke when we brought each subsequent baby home from hospital that she had a look about her that said “oh no… not another one!” but really, she loved our girls – especially when they became old enough to spoil her with pats and treats. Our girls loved her back too of course, and as was the case with me as a child, none of them had known life without her.
The few days before Mothers Day, Kimba had been looking thin and frail. It seemed to happen quite quickly – one minute she was a contented and healthy cat that didn’t look anywhere near her 17 years, the next she was very sick. I knew about kidney failure in old cats as it had been the fate of one of our cats when I was a kid. I knew the symptoms and I knew that it was incurable. I also had hope that when she went to the vet that somehow the vet could make her better or at least prolong her life. Unfortunately it wasn’t to be.
Jane's cat Kimba
The reality of what was happening to Kimba hit hard on Mothers Day morning when she so obviously needed to see a vet urgently. We had to explain to the girls what might happen and with broken hearts told them to say goodbye to her just in case. Our two eldest daughters wailed and cried and were inconsolable, the youngest just stood there confused. When my husband returned a complete mess, with our lifeless pet our world just seemed to fall apart.
We held Kimba and talked to her and and cried with her. We were in shock and didn’t want to let her go. We placed her in a beautiful box made of woven flax with flowers, messages from the girls and a photo of our family. She was curled up peacefully and we buried her that evening at sunset.
Now what do I do? My girls are still grief stricken and so am I. I was surprised my husband was able to go to work, he was such a mess. My six year old in particular was very distressed – she needed a day off school and as I dropped her off the next day she was crying as she walked through the gate. I’ve written notes to their teachers so they know to look out for them but it feels strange saying ‘the cat died’ because it feels like others may not understand how much of a big deal this really is for us.
Now I know when people lose a pet and say that it’s like losing a child that they really mean it. Of course I also know that losing a child would really be a thousand times worse but it is a level of grief that I certainly wasn’t expecting. I thought my grief as a kid was because I was young and it was the first time I’d experienced death. It turns out it didn’t really prepare me emotionally or make this any easier, but it did arm me with me with the knowledge of how my girls must be feeling.
I keep telling myself to snap out of it and be strong for the children but I really don’t think I can and that it will just take time for all of us. The worse thing about grief is there is nothing you can do to change what’s already happened and you really just need to give yourself time to heal.
“Grief is the price we pay for love” and the more we love something the more we grieve whether it be a person or a pet.
Rest peacefully Kimba, thank you for being such a great friend to us, we will love you forever.
Jane calls Sydney’s Northern Beaches home where she loves life with her husband and three young daughters. She has had a long career in advertising but is currently enjoying some time at home with her girls while ‘in-between jobs’.
How do you deal with the loss of a family pet?
Comments
106 Comments so far
My faithful, loving, beautiful, soulmate of 17 years Lucy died suddenly six months ago. My grief is still raw & words can’t really express how much I miss her & all the things she was. My little Maltese, my white luck dragon left indelible paw prints on my heart. She was a one of a kind in nature & spirit …..a constant in my life whatever was happening who gave her love unconditionally and her loyalty with ferocity. I have a beautiful family, giving friends & much to be thankful for in life so this grief has caught me unawares, it grips me & my heart is broken over the death of my Lucy. Wrapped in red velvet & with her favourite tennis ball Lucy was cremated & she now lies in state in a red velvet bag in a Marilyn Monroe emblazoned box with a Chanel ribbon holding a lock of her silky coat. I always did and always will love her to pieces & treasure all she brought into my world.
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I too feel this pain. I had to put my beloved dog to sleep earlier this year. There hasn’t been a day go by when I haven’t thought of her. I’ve had her cremated and have a tiny bit of her ashes in a locket, which I never take off. I’m planning to scatter her ashes at her favourite swimming river but haven’t worked up the strength to do it yet. I too, thought as an adult with a human child, it would be much easier. But it hurts like hell, she was my first baby. Losing a pet truly sucks, be kind to yourself xxx
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We lost both our dogs this year. For our children they have no memory of life without them. Looking into the backyard and seeing the dogs dressed in dolls clothes, being wheeled around in the toy stroller, or being “rescued” in the cardboard box boat, or having a ride in the back tray of the tricycle are memories that will remain forever. The house seems a lot quieter. My daughter hates being first home now, because there are no dogs rushing to greet her and keep her company until we all arrive from our busy days. When I had to put the second dog down, I was crying as my 15-year-old hugged me and I said “don’t know why we ever got dogs in the first place”, through her own tears she assured me “I wouldn’t have missed it for the world, not even with this, they were part of our family.”
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‘A level of grief I wasn’t expecting’ – says it all. Our beautiful dog Jessie would have been 14 years old today. We had her put to sleep 3 months ago after a torn cruciate ligament. I’m still regularly overcome with tears and overwhelming sadness.
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This is something I’m about to go through with my 18 year old cat. She is beginning to have kidney failure and I can’t believe this time has come. I took her to the vets and later cried so much at the bad news. Now comes the decision of letting nature takes it course or letting her go peacefully. I think the latter seems appropriate I don’t want her last months to be painful for her. She has been such a wonderful cat and this will be very hard to say goodbye.
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Sorry for your loss Jane. Your story is all too poignant for me, last week we lost our cat Diddy Mow.
Diddy Mow was our neighbours cat named Rusty that we ended up looking after unofficially for years. A gorgeous tabby boy with a smoochy nature which meant he had homes all up the street and probably fifty more names and that element of naughty all cats have. When our neighbour put his house up for sale we asked what his plans for Diddy Mow he said he’d been back a few times to take him to the RSPCA but could never find him. This was probably because he had joined us inside for a sleep on the couch or jut to hang out and sit with us in the kitchen on a woollies green bag that was his spot. Our neighbour was happy to let us keep him and Diddy Mow was officially ours. We spent a few brief months as official owners. The week before last whilst caring or my father in law we noticed he wasn’t around, I didn’t think much
of it. I then got some bad news about a friends father who died unexpectedly. Just after my father in law walked in the door and said I have found the cat, he’s dead. I walked to next doors mailbox where our beautiful boy lay and my heart broke. He had been hit by a car in the driveway,always a risk with an outdoor cat, hours earlier and I was way too late. What if had looked earlier, maybe I could have saved him. I cried harder than I have for a long time, I’m crying now writing this. We buried him in our front yard where he slept in the sun and waited for me to come home.
My partner spoke to the new neighbours who knew our boy as Jessie (their name) and couldn’t work out why he was inviting himself in through their dog flap (his cat flap) into their house. I joked that perhaps we should do a letter drop to the whole street so all of the other owners could get closure. He was that kind of boy, a lot of love to share. I’m glad he chose us to share it with, I miss him.
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I had to have my adored cat put down just two weeks ago. she was almost eighteen years old and had been bravely battling kidney disease for two years. In the end it wasn’t her kidneys that ended her life. Her spine was the problem, one no-one saw coming, and one day she could barely walk. The vets were amazing, they had looked after her all her life and did all they could but she was in pain and almost immobilised. The kindest thing to do was to end her life.
I’ve said goodbye to other aged cats and although it was always tough it was never as hard to deal with as this time has been. Then I had kids to worry about and a busy life to distract me. This time it had just been me and my cat for quite a while, the kids had all left home and I am enjoying life as a retired grandmother. She was my best friend and my constant companion and it broke my heart to lose her. I knew it would happen sooner rather than later, a cat who reaches her age is on borrowed time, but I had hoped she would hang in for a bit longer. It wasn’t to be. I miss her terribly. My kids tell me I should get another cat soon but I don’t think so. I’ve said goodbye to too many cats, I don’t know if I could bear to lose another.
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So sorry for you and your family. My 17 year old Staffy died peacefully at home 3 months ago, and reading your post has brought it all to the surface once again!
He was rescued from the pound as an abused and skinny 12mth old and we showered him with love and attention and was just the best dog. 3 years ago the vet diagnosed him with a big stomach cancer – which although was unsightly, did not affect his quality of life and we thought at age 14, we would just see how he goes.
On his last day we were thinking – this it it we will have to take him to the vets. The kids and I were beside ourselves showering him with our hugs and tears. Then as I started cooking dinner, he just laid down on the carpet and quietly stopped breathing. It was actually quite beautiful that we could share this with him.
I have lost both my parents so am no real stranger to grief, but this grief is quite persistent and hard to explain. I am not ready for another dog as yet. It will take quite some time I think.
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I’ve heard it said that losing a beloved pet is sometimes harder than losing a person from your life. Because with an animal its just pure love. There are no other factors involved. No time you weren’t talking, no time you were estranged, no time you were fighting, no time they said something mean or made you cry. They were just your friend and support no matter what.
My cat Jimmy Choo is so very loved that when he passes away i know full well i will be a total wreck. I dread the day
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I lost my seven year old cat to cancer last year. She died on the way to the vet. It honesty felt like my heart was broken in two. I have another feline friend now and she is wonderful but there are some pets that have an extra special place in your heart.
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Rest in peace Kimba, You were loved very much
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Almost two years ago my beautiful dog Summer died. She really was the first dog that my brother and I had grown up with. Our previous dog Dudley died when we were quite young. We rescued Summer when she was about 5 from a puppy farm. We treated little Summie like a princess. She honestly thought that she was a human. She was also my best friend. She would be able to just sit and listen to my tears when I thought the days couldn’t get any worse. She could aslo be there when my days couldn’t get any better. Basically, Summie was always there. She was mine. When Summer turned about 9, we resuced another dog – Zaakie. Zaakie was really the key to changing Summer, but in a good way. She turned into dog. Now when we went down to the park, she would play with the other dogs. She would sleep outside. It seemed that Summer had finally found her best friend. The day Summer died ripped our family apart. My dad was away and my mum had to take my brother to swimming. It was the very first time I had been left home alone. Mum gave me strict instructions to feed the dogs. Close the door. When I thought they were done, let them inside and close the door again. I did the first two. After that, I went inside and got caught up in my assignment that I was desperate to finish. It must have been about 10 minutes and I completely forgot to let the dogs back inside. I was only prompted by hearing Zaakie howling. I raced to the door and went to go find out why he was howling. He was just sitting down by Summer. Her body was lifeless and drool was slowly starting to spill from her mouth. I was completely frozen and couldn’t feel anything apart from my heart being torn from my chest. It all went downhill from there. Mum and my brother raced back from swimming. My dad got on the next flight home. But we were now only a family of 5. It was truly like losing a family member but at the same time losing your best friend. Summer, we know and hope you died a very peaceful death. You just ate your favourite meal. And you knew we love you. We love you so very much. Zaakie misses you as well. For three weeks after you left, he just lay in your little place. I hope you are still watching over us now. xoxo
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Oh how I relate. 2004 was a terrible year. My grandfather died just before Christmas in 2003 and my grandmother had a fall and broke her pelvis just after that. Mum was spending her time a week in Sydney with my grandmother, a week in Canberra with the family. We were exhausted so decided we needed a break.
We put the dogs in the kennel that belonged to our (then) vet and went to Melbourne for the ANZAC day long weekend. It was a great weekend, we had a brilliant time.
We came home, picked up two very excited dogs and took them home. It was an hour or so later that we realised something was very, very wrong. One of our dogs had dramatically lost weight and couldn’t catch her breath. The other had gained weight.
We rushed the sick one to a local vet, she had pneumonia, must not have eaten in days (hence why the other one was looking fat). We had her on IV antibiotics, did everything we could, but a few days later, in the middle of the night she died in my Mum’s arms.
To this day I’m so angry with that vet, how he let our precious darling loving little girl get so sick while in her care. Her condition was so obvious, her tongue was blue from lack of oxygen. We had especially even asked for him to do a checkup on the dogs while they were there and he clearly didn’t.
We were grief stricken – particularly my Mum who was already dealing with her own grief over her father. To this day I occasionally cry when I drive past that vet.
Pets are just such an important part of the family, I don’t think you can over estimate how much grief their loss causes.
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This is too much. I had to get my 12 year old dog euthanized yesterday. The grief is unbareable. Holding a pet, telling them that all will be ok, is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
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I’m so sorry Jessabelle. My husband described the same feeling as he was holding Kimba when they put her to sleep. Just devastating. Sending you hugs of support and hope you get through the next few days/weeks OK – they are the worst days. It does get easier though – I promise. Take care x
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Such a sad (and well written) article, tears! what a beautiful cat. It’s so true, unlike many humans pets provide unconditional love, so many of them gentle and sweet in nature. Sorry for your loss.
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So many sad stories below, but how lovely that there are so many well loved animals, who also gave so much love and joy in return
On the other side of the coin, I believe that animals can really feel grief and loss too. Did anyone cry their eyes out in Red Dog when his master dies and Red Dog searches everywhere for him? So sad…!
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Thank you for sharing your story about Kimba, Jane – we’re just about to put our beloved cat, Miss Kit Tern, to sleep this week – and it breaks my heart every time I look at her knowing that she has only a few more days with us – but at the same time I know she is dementing and her kidneys are starting to go… it’s the hardest decision as she’s 15 and has been such a wonderful cat… have to stop typing now as I can’t see the keys through the tears. Thank you for understanding that they’re not just pets, they are part of our family and the grief is very real..
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I’m so sorry that Miss Kit Tern has got to this stage – it is truly awful and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Surround yourself with lovely friends and family who understand and big hugs to you and your beautiful cat who is obviously so loved. x
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This was so hard for me to read, as I’m currently going through the final life stage of my beloved kelpie cross. She’s the dog of a lifetime, preternaturally intelligent, beautiful and affectionate. And there’s nothing bloody well wrong with her except the arthritis in her spine which is causing her back legs to go. Coat, eyes are as shiny as a 1 year old. I do physio on her every day and feed her supplements and steroids. She has also had a pioneering new stem cell treatment done by the Monash Vet at Huntingdale. As long as she is happy and not in pain and has the use of her back legs she’ll be with us. I dread that day when I know to let her go.
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oh my, i got through 4 comments and have to stop! Crying at reception is not a good look.
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I still tear up when I think about the day we put down dog Eva down in 2009. I think I still get upset because it happened so suddenly. I was such a mess. I had to work that day and just couldn’t and burst into tears when i told my boss over the phone why I couldn’t come in.
thankfully my boyfriend had come over the night before at 2 am (poor thing drove an hour) when i said my dog was being put down the next morning and he drove my mum and i to the vet because we were complete messes.
I still miss her. What made it worse at the time is that our other dog Coco kept running around trying to find Eva and this went on for days until she realised Eva wasn’t coming back home. It was heartbreaking
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I want a puppy so bad, but dealing with something bad happening to it is too much for me.. see they can’t tell us if they are in pain and dogs are well known silent suffers, which breaks heart…
Strange thing is, I don’t have this same emotional attachment to people..
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This is similar for me. We had one of our family dogs put down the week before mothers day. We’ve had other pets come and go, but this dog was the first dog to stick around for a long time, and really make that impression on my heart. I’d had her for half my life.
I’ve kept it together when I had to, but I cried a lot when I found out, and when I have time to think about, which has been every saturday morning since, I just spend a portion of the morning in tears, realising I will never see her again. I feel heartbroken. But she was old, and fortunately she had a sudden downturn like Kimba, so I think it’s a blessing she didn’t suffer long.
It seems so horrible that pets age so much faster than we do. It seems so unfair that I’m still in the prime of my life, and she got old and frail relatively quickly.
I feel as though there is a big hole in my life that will never quite be filled the same way again.
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My little Maggie was with me through 15 years of ups and downs. My daughter had only known life with her until a few weeks ago. Maggie survived lots of hurts, small and large, and could be feisty, but she knew when someone needed her. She was there quietly and calmly and would put up with anything to stick around. She cried when we cried, followed us and stayed close when we hurt, and watched us quietly when we were happy. When my daughter needed me, Maggie would come and stare at me, miaow until I went to her. She was never jealous of my daughter as I thought she would be. Just one more person to be loved by, and to look out for. Maggie used to stand at the lounge room door at the end of the day and watch and wait for my daugher to go to bed so that she could join her. She would miaow if my daughter took too long.
We buried her in our back garden. Covered her grave with gum logs. We see her spot every morning. Our other animals have started wandering around the house at times. Sitting in her spots. I find myself wandering around the house, staring out the window, missing her small weight next to me. My daugher put a photo of Maggie next to her bed and needs an extra pillow to cuddle where Maggie used to be. We’re glad little Maggie’s not suffering, but we’ll be missing her for a long time to come.
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I can so relate to this. Just over a year ago we had to put down my 18 month old king charles cavalier puppy Buddy. He was so sick, went to the vets had an operation, asperated his own vomit and suffered a heart attack, causing a brain injury. it broke my heart. I spent days and days crying, i couldnt leave the house and i just wanted a dog to replace him. To this day i still cry when people mention his name or when i see his photo. i miss him and love him dearly. i know though, that we did the right thing. And he had a wonderful life and was loved dearly.
i hope that you are able to look back on the years that you spent with Kimba and smile and realise how lucky you were to have Kimba and how lucky Kimba was to have you.
I am soo sorry for your loss.
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I am so sorry about your darling Buddy. 18 months old…too too young. I have 3 cavvies, they are my children. I lost my 12 year old cavalier Tully almost a year ago and my heart aches. As his first anniversary approaches, my ache and longing for Mr T increases. I can barely function. But how blessed I am to have had Tully for so long. Your time with Buddy was so so short. So sorry *tears*
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I’m so sorry about Kimba.
I read this as my kitten, only a few months old sits on my lap waiting impatiently for me to get off the computer.
I do hope you find someway to heal… even just talking about it with your family should help
sending you lots of love xxx
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I can relate to this so much. The three family pets who I grew up with are no longer here, and when the last one died I remember feeling so lost, and thinking that I had never felt so lonely. Now I have a new little furry friend who I adopted from an animal shelter and I think the love I have for her is so strong, partly due to the memories of my other childhood fuzzy friends.
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I get this. Our family dog died mid last year. We got her when I was three, a pet shop dog, an impulse buy who we only got because she was the only pup left and my parents felt bad for her. Over the next seventeen years, our funny looking, prickly, grouchy, food loving and incredibly loyal mutt became as much a part of the family as my siblings. She had a list of quirky ways that got longer as she aged and these, as well as her grumpy tolerance of everyone from my rowdy nephew to the puppy I got five years ago, were the subject of numerous amusing stories.
And then one day in July last year my mum called me in tears to say Lucy was sick. My siblings and I all made our way home that day to hear it was kidney failure and while an operation might prolong her life it would leave her in pain. My parents and sister and I stayed in the room while she was put to sleep and I will never forget the way that gorgeous animal laid down and then suddenly was just not there anymore.
Losing her was the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. I still have the blanket she slept on and sometimes I still find a strand of that irritating black hair she used to shed everywhere and it makes me miss her so much it hurts.
I’m sorry for your loss Jane. My thoughts are with you and your family xx
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I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. When we first started going out he got a dog, we chose him together and he was/is the most wonderful dog ever. He is like a family member to me. When we split he kept the dog and it breaks my heart, he works such long hours and leaves him all alone. We are on good terms but he will only let me visit him. It has been so hard, I miss my fog like crazy and constantly worry if he is being cared for properly and walked. I don’t know how to handle the situation- I feel he is my dog too.
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Pets are a huge part of a family. Why don’t you check into whether you can have a custody agreement? You spent five years with your dog, he probably misses you too and you should have equal time together!
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My thoughts are with you, Jane. A family I know also lost their beloved cat on mothers day and were devastated. Yes, grief is the price we pay for love. I look at my beloved doggies sometimes and think forward to the day we will lose them, and shudder at the thought. They are such little personalities and really add so much to our lives. I read somewhere once that the reason pets’ lives are relatively short is so that we can enjoy many of them over our lifetime, which is a comforting thought in some ways. From experience, losing three dogs and a couple of cats in my life, I do believe the best ‘cure’ for a lost pet is a new pet, even if it feel wrong to even think about it. It doesn’t in any way diminish the memory of the lost pet, but it takes away the sharp edges of your grief by distracting you to care for the new pet. Especially when kids are grieving, this can help to ease the pain somewhat. RIP Kimba who obviously had a long and loved life.
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I always say that I won’t survive when my cat leaves earth. I know that’s dramatic and
I’m sure my life will go on but Maddox is a constant source of unconditional love. He lay snuggled into me when my brother had a transplant and I snuck him into the hotel. I feel I can never return to him what he did to me in that very long week. The love that I feel for something I’ve never had a verbal conversation with is bizarre. We’ve built everything through action and just hanging out together. Jane, you’ll always remember her Kimba-ness around the house as real as if she is still there.
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I completely understand. Ive had my dog for 4 years now and it breaks my heart to think about the day she wont be there to welcome me home or to make sure im up in time for work.
She’s the only thing consistent in my life and i owe her for the person ive become.
Jane, keep your head up. It’s the punches in life that keep us honest.
Kimba is looking over you.
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The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do was say goodbye to my lovely Goldie. She’d been part of our family since I was ten and was my best friend. She loved us unconditionally and was always there for us. She was twelve when we put her down last year, which is pretty old for a golden retriever, and we all took her to the vet to say goodbye, then brought her back home to put her to rest in the backyard. I know I will have other dogs but none of them will be like my wonderdful golden girl, and there isn’t a single day that goes by without wishing I could have one more cuddle with her.
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We lost our beloved German Shepherd Baya earlier this year. She was exceptional.
She chased off burglars, scared the feral neighbours who were yelling obscenities and throwing firecrackers on my car, protected me and my daughters while my husband was away, taught my eldest to walk by letting her lean on her shoulders, lay down behind the youngest when she tried to climb the bookcase and caught her when she fell (not far! But still), chased off a Great Dane who was lunging at the pram, chased a million cats (not so good), and shadowed me for the three days before I went into labour with each of my babies – she knew! I miss her every day.
But I think she sometimes come to visit – the baby was very young when she passed, but sometimes she will point to the door just after our other dog runs in and get excited, and yell “Baya! Baya!”. Baya always came through the door second. I think she still does….
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I lost my dog Kiri nearly 2 yrs ago, and i miss her everyday. Everyday i talk about her, even though my baby daughter was 8mths when Kiri died. i had kiri for 10 yrs b4 i had a baby. and when she died i was ruined… i talk about her to this day all the time..she was my soul mate.. i misss her so much some days i cant breathe
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I’m so sorry for your loss. Kimba was beautiful. She knew how much you all loved her.
When our cat Possum died at 18, we were all devastated. My oldest even had to leave class (in high school) at the time he knew she was being put to sleep. We lasted a whole five days before we decided to visit the RSPCA. A little silver tabby kitten tricked us into picking her up, and that was it. Squeak came home with us that day, and has since been joined by Miggie and Cinnamon. There are still days I miss Possum though, and it’s over five years.
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I am so sorry to read about your loss Jane. What a beautiful cat Kimba was.
Losing a pet is so tough. People don’t think it’s the same as losing a person, but I think it can be just as hard. A few dogs of mine have died throughout my life and it’s been so hard. I beat myself up about being more emotional when my pets have died than when some family members have. The hardest thing is being there with them when they are being put down and burying them. Unlike when a human dies, most of the time, you have to deal with the death of an animal alone.
I moved out of home in 2003 and my parents soon got a rescue dog Jazz, to live with them and their other dog Toby. Jazz was the most beautiful, boisterous and loving dog (a curly coated retriever, and so was Toby) and she had so much personality. She was a puppy when they got her – a gangly 8 month old, and I felt like she had replaced me. The first time I went home to my parents’, her toys were all over my room and she jumped up a lot, and I didn’t like her much as she was quite boisterous. Her owners gave her away as they couldn’t cope with her energy. I am so glad she went to live with my parents. She used to sleep upside down with her tongue out, and chase birds and rabbits and she had to be supervised when eating as she’d gobble her food down and then push Toby out of the way to eat his food.
Jazz died suddenly in 2010. She was healthy and energetic, and unfortunately it was her love of food and fast eating that caused her stomach to bloat, and my parents found her in the garden, blue tongued and unconscious. They rushed her to their best friends’ who are horse vets, but the equipment for horses was too big to work on a dog (even though Jazz was so big too). So they took her to a small animal vet, and she died in the car. My parents and I were devastated. When I went home I cried at her grave.
And two months after Jazzy died, Toby did too – maybe of heartbreak. They were such good friends, even though she annoyed him a lot (she’d sit down on his face, despite the acreage of space they had to run and sleep on!).
I really miss the dogs and my parents do too. It took my Dad a long time to consider getting another dog. They have not yet bought another dog, but will consider when they retire.
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This story really hit a chord with me today. Pets come in all shapes and sizes species and intelligence. Overnight my daughters pet chicken lost its life. How I am not sure but distressing for my little girl. Imagine walking to the bottom of the garden and seeing a mound of feathers. From The comfort of my sunny lounge room this morning I heard the blood curdling scream – schnitzel is dead!
I race outside to my 10 year old. Dripping in tears. How do you explain that some creature has come in the middle of the night and eaten her pet!
We found schnitzels innards but no trace of her body. I can’t even imagine how she has processed this.
All things said – she loved her chicken………
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Hi Jayne – so sorry to hear your story about Schnitzel. I think the trauma surrounding a pets death can play a big part for kids. Like I said, we had several pets die when I was a kid but the one that upset me the most was the cat that was run over. My 6 year old was the most upset about losing Kimba and I think a big part of it is because we buried her which really traumatised her. My 9 year old understands the burial process, my 3 year old was too young to understand but miss-6 found it hard to comprehend that our cat would be alone underground and keeps asking why and what is happening to her under there. She just wants to keep holding her and cuddling her and thinks what we’ve done is mean. Something as graphic as another animal attacking a pet would be very traumatic so I really feel for you and your daughter. I hope Schnitzel has left you with some happy memories and that you can have another little feathered friend to comfort you when you’re ready. xx
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Argh I am so sorry for your loss, she is so beautiful. I’ve grown up with 2 cats and a dog who are all quite old now and I’m dreading the day I have to say goodbye. I just know I will be a mess. What I will try and remember though is what a full and happy life they have led.
Lots of love to you and your family xo
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google “pets rainbow bridge”. I always find this comforting, even though it makes me cry. xx
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Thank you for this article, even though it made me cry! I have lost pets before but a couple of years ago, I lost a puppy and I was devastated. I didn’t leave my room for a month and I did feel that people didn’t understand. It’s comforting in a way to know that other people have felt the same way.
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One of my favorite photos is of four smiling, very young children cuddling their new pet puppy. She was a ‘free pups’ purchase, half red cattle dog, half something else. When I made the lonely drive with her to the vets, I could barely see through the tears. She was present in so many memories of my children as they grew up. Fourteen years of family history.
I hope you all feel a bit better each day, Jane.
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Thanks to everyone for sharing all their both heartbreaking and uplifting stories and for all your cyber-hugs and lovely support. I feel like we’ve all given each other a big group hug and had a good therapy session. Our beautiful pets would be proud of us! It’s wonderful to hear from people who really understand where I’m coming from. I’m glad too that sharing Kimba’s story has offered some comfort and understanding to others who are feeling or have felt the same as we do – I hoped that would happen.
Things are certainly feeling a bit better for us, there’s still lots of sadness and tears but we’ve come past the rawness of the first few days and we’re coping much better. It’s almost a relief to feel like we’re functioning a lot better now and we’ve been smiling and laughing a lot more.
Time definitely does heal but we are taking our time as that seems like the best way.
My thoughts are with all of those who are grieving for a lost pet – I haven’t replied to all posts here but I’ve read every single one and appreciate every story that’s been shared and every message of support.
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Your cat looks very cute. As I type one of my gorgeous cats is lying beside me, asleep of course.
We have a mini pet cemetery in our back yard (acreage)., with a dog, cat, 3 guinea pigs, 3 fish and an owl and possum (that we just randomly found in the yard). They are in unmarked graves, but fruit trees are planted near them, so I remember them whenever I go there.
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Your grief is absolutely legitimate. Losing a beloved animal is devastating. I cannot stand people who say “it’s just a pet”. NO, it isn’t! Hugs to you, I hope you and your family feel a bit better soon.
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I lost my beautiful 4 year old cat on 5th May this year too. We selected him from the pound when i was going thru a stressful pregnancy to help keep me distracted and i fell in love with him and loved him so deeply. He developed polycystic kidney disease and went down hill very fast. I am devastated and will miss him forever. Love u Archie, hoping i keep dreaming about you and look forward to seeing you again one day
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Rest peacefully Archie… thanks for sharing x
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Oh this reminds me of the loss of my first pet. I had had budgies and fish, but my first “real” pet was my Netherlander Dwarf bunny, Pebbles. We adopted him when I was about 12, and he was my best friend through a few rather painful teenager years. He was fabulous- would ride around on my shoulder, had a leash and would come for walks (he strangles himself with the leash once when I stupidly turned my back for a few minutes, stopped breathing and got mouth to mouth from me!) He had chronic teeth problems (as many Netherland Dwarfs do apparently), and developed an oral cancer. He was in pain, couldn’t eat and there wasn’t much the vet could do, so my sixteen year old self made the heartbreaking decision to have him put down. I stayed up with him all night the day before, and held him whilst he was put to sleep. Brought him home and buried him in the garden, complete with a gravestone. RIP Pebbles, you were my best friend for too short a time.
I’m sorry for your loss Jane, I hope your memories of Kimba soon bring you smiles and laughter rather than tears.
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oh crying now.. sniff..
we lost our cat to the dreaded kidney failure also, after 19 years he was every bit a part of our family as my siblings.. he even softened up my tough outback born military father like no other animal had ever done.. it was devastating to lose him, even the vets cried at our love and grief for our black and white puss..
He was a character, he was amazingly intuitive.. he chased away stray dogs in defence of his property, he was hilarious… my sister had him cremated and he remains in a beautiful wooden box, in a special place, that also holds the urn of my niece who never got to know him, but will always be a part of our family.
Grief is grief, people, animal.. it affects everyone differently, it doesn’t mean one is more important than the other… 8 years later I occassionaly hear a cat bell and think its him.. there is nothing like getting mooshed by a loving cat.
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I am so so sorry for your loss.
We lost our family dog last year, he was 16 and his death caused tears all over the country as Dad made the sad calls to all of us kids who were scattered over three states.
None of us have lived at home in years but Buster was very much a huge part of our family and he is still dearly missed. Going home to the farm just isn’t the same any more as Buster is no longer the first to greet us as we step out of the car.
Big hugs to all those who have lost a pet – it is such an awfully sad time.
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I’m so sorry about your kitty, but it sounds like she had a wonderful happy life filled with love
. I totally get it- family pets are indeed part of the family, you share many special times with them and they are always there for you. Our dog (he’s 6) has to have an operation this week because I found a lump on his chest. It’s probably just a fatty cyst but I’m so so worried it could be something worse like a tumour. I couldn’t bear to loose my dog, i’d be a mess for weeks.
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A colleague commented this week that her family dog had died but she didn’t want to talk or she’d cry. At the time a voice somewhere in my head said “it’s just a dog” but that night I found myself staring at a photo on the wall of my dear cat who disappeared in strange circumstances 3 years ago and I burst into tears, thinking how special she was and how much I loved her and how I wished I knew she was still alive out there somewhere.
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What a timely post Jane, our beautiful staffy Bella died on Tuesday evening at 12 and a half years old. She was our ‘baby’ since we got her at 6 weeks old and she blessed our lives with more love and joy than I can describe.
She was the most wonderful loving smiley dog and all our friends, family and neighbours loved her, their wonderful kind messages sharing their memories has been so touching.
We have made lot of life decisions based on our love for Bella – we didn’t take an overseas job offer because we couldn’t take her, we had more local holidays so we could take her with us, etc, etc …. and in return she showered us with love and affection. I know some of our friends thought we were crazy dog people, but she completed our little family in every way and my husband, our 3 year old daughter and I all doted on her.
Bella had cancer and while we tried absolutely everything, nothing worked and the vet told us we might have anything from 2-6 months left with her. 6 months passed in February this year and Bella was still going strong and we started to hope she would defy the odds … but then on Sunday night she became really sick and by Tuesday afternoon our vet said the time had come. It completely broke our hearts to hold her and kiss her goodbye, telling her we loved her and how wonderful she had been. I know it was the right thing to do but the scale of our grief has totally blind slided my husband and I. I couldn’t get out of bed on Wednesday and are still crying today at the smallest reminder. One thing I will always remember will be coming into the kitchen and seeing my husband sobbing so hard he was bent over … he had been trying to wash Bella’s bowls so I wouldn’t see them.
We are now trying to look at photos of our beautiful girl (hundreds of them!) and remember all the years of love, fun and laughter and today I feel a little bit better. I am thinking (once I feel less devastated) I will make one of those photo books of her.
Jane – I can completely relate to how you are feeling and send you and your family a big hug from all of us. Bella’s ashes came home yesterday and I am starting to get back to my normal habit of talking to her while I move through my day … I will tell her to go and find Kimba wherever they are and give her a big lick.
Rest in peace Bella and Kimba xx
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Thanks for sharing your story Helen and I’m so sorry for the loss of Bella – seems we’re all feeling the same things right now. I love the idea of she and Kimba hanging out together. Kimba certainly preferred dogs to other cats! I’m sure your beloved Bella is resting peacefully while still feeling all of your love. Big hugs right back to your family. xx
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Oh Jane, Dan & Beautiful Girls, This is such a sad time…and that you all love(d) Kimba so much..I am sorry, lovelies..I truly am.
My own experience was a few years back when our son’s dog got sick (at our house, as son had moved out) and she died quite suddenly. I was at school, and only my hub was at home with her as the Vet said to him, “well do you want to try to see if we can get her back”…after she’d succumbed…and hub shook his head. It affected him too. I was called home from work (I’d burst into tears which shocked me too) in time to see my tearful son & his older sister crying after they had buried her (with unofficial blessing of the vet) in the same place in the backyard where she had always sunned herself.
I have no other words to comfort…but writing here, and elsewhere is helpful I am sure… Love, Denyse XXXXX
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Thank you dear Denyse for sharing your story too and for your words of support. It’s been a tough time but Kimba was a popular cat and loved by many so we’ve had lots of support from good friends. I might even be getting to the point where I can leave the house without sunglasses! Big hugs back to you x
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I knew this post would make me cry, and it did. I am now clutching my little girl, Belle, to my chest. Born beside my bed, and has barely left my side in the 9 years since that night, she is my little companion. My friend.
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