The all-singing, all-dancing, Rob Mills.
by ROB MILLS
Over the last few weeks and months, I keep hearing, reading and being told that there is a man drought here in Australia.
And you know what? Notsomuch.
I hate to break it to you ladies but it’s just not true. What is actually going on here is a total breakdown in male-female communication caused by game playing.
The reason so many women are left feeling exhausted and anxious that they haven’t met the right guy has NOTHING to do with the lack of men – and all to do with the games.
Game playing isn’t good. It leaves you all clammed up and cold. It stops you from being open and honest with your feelings. It tends to mean that someone gets hurt.
And. It leaves the good guys finishing last, again.
So I’m here today to stand up for the good guys of Australia. Guys like John.
John (made up name obviously, in fact, let’s make him John Smith just for added originality) has recently fallen head over heels for a girl he works with. Things are going along rather well – except for the fact she’s playing the game of “we can hold hands when we’re in IKEA on the weekend looking at brightly coloured plastic furniture but don’t talk to me at work when we’re around my friends”.
Rob Mills on stage. Not texting.
Could. Not. Be. More. Frustrating.
Sure, the whole ‘let’s keep our relationship secret’ act might be fun for a while but ultimately: it’s either on or it’s not.
John is one of the good guys (who I am boldly defending here with my cape on and undies on the outside of my pants) and has been upfront about his feelings. Yet she’s too busy playing games to just be honest in return.
As adults, why shouldn’t we be able to say to one another, “I really like you, but I’m not so into you that I want a relationship. Thanks for the hot sex but I just don’t want to lead you on anymore.”
And this isn’t the only game being played.
It seems to me that girls now have timers on how long they will wait for a guy to text them after numbers have been exchanged. But I’d always thought girls wanted you to wait 3 days to get in contact so you didn’t look too keen.
So the rules of the game now CONTRADICT one another. How are us humble blokes supposed to win?
A girl recently hit me up on text, let’s call her Jane (surname Smith once again, but not related to hypothetical John. There are lots of Smiths) about a date that I’d planned at a hotel.
“Hey babe, not sure if you’re overly amped about tonight, neither am I. I mean I want to have a special night with you, but do you feel like it’s the right time? It might be what we need, but in saying that, it might just be a whole lot of pretending, know what I mean?
No Jane. No. I do not know what you mean.
We have only been seeing each other for under a month.
I thought a night in a hotel would be a nice way to spend the night.
So I asked you.
You said yes.
Date organized.
Rob Mills walks the red carpet (and then picks up his phone to call his date). What a guy.
And now this? No. I do not know what you mean.
The problem with the sneaky little SMS is that it doesn’t convey tone, doesn’t allow for subtlety and doesn’t fall nicely into the rhythm of a new relationship.
If we took the SMS out of the equation it would cut out the whole insane thought process that constantly spirals out of control from one conversation or misread text message.
We’ve all been there: What did he/she mean when “Ok babe, I’ll speak to you soon” comes up? What?! Soon?! Like tonight? Tomorrow?! If we accidentally bump into each other in the street in a year from now?! And why was there no “X” at the end of the message? Does she/he not want to kiss me anymore?!!! They are definitely seeing someone else.
Let’s all calm down. Let’s keep things simple. Do things the old fashioned way.
My conclusion? The SMS is an invention of evil and a key strategic device of the game players. And it must stop. This new technology is making game playing EVEN WORSE. It is ruining the game. So I’m taking my pieces, pocketing my dice, packing up my board and going home.
As a representative of nice guys everywhere, I am imploring you ladies: to pick up the phone and talk to the person you like. And if you don’t like them, then be really 19th century and go to SEE THEM IN PERSON and tell them that.
Sure it hurts, but it hurts a whole lot less in the long run.
Rob Mills is an actor, singer, and part time dancer. He’s currently starring in the musical Legally Blonde and was previously the host of Young Talent Time. Find him on Twitter here.
Are you or were you a game player? Do you think the SMS has made dating life easier or harder?
Comments
123 Comments so far
Pingback: Dating Games: A Good Girl’s Response to Rob Mills « The Adventures of Wendywindflowers
I don’t think either of the women in your article were game-playing in any way.
The first was being professional and adult by not bringing a personal relationship into the workplace where it could have dire consequences for both parties. Even if things go well she risks her professional reputation (unfortunately women still have to deal with this) and if things go badly the company could ask one or both to leave.
The second was being upfront and honest about not being comfortable with you inviting her to a hotel room for a date when you’d been seeing each other for less than a month!!! Seriously, if a guy did that to me I’d be really uncomfortable.
It’s the kind of thing that puts you in an awkward position of being put on the spot with what outwardly seems like a nice gesture but upon reflection just puts a lot of pressure on you to have sex. (That’s what the point was right? You weren’t inviting her there so she could watch a movie with you then sleep in separate beds or just go home. You were putting her in a position where it was clear you were expecting to have sex with her and you’d known her less than a month.) I would think you’d be happier she was being honest; she could have just lied and made up an excuse not to go but she was trying to address the actual issue she has with it. Try being a bit more sensitive maybe? She’s trying to tell you she’s not comfortable with what you’ve arranged.
What I’m seeing in this article is more a case of “This woman isn’t being totally compliant and doing everything I want her to, when I want her to and how I want her to, therefore she’s playing games. Isn’t she awful. Why won’t she just do what I want because, clearly, if what she’s saying doesn’t make sense to me with my big man-brain it must just be woman-nonsense” Thanks for mansplaining that to me Millsy, but I disagree.
I think better communication is always good but both parties need to be involved. Your nice guy John should discuss any problems he has with his girlfriend and be a bit more aware of issues like her professional reputation. And you need to talk to the girl you’re dating and maybe look at whether you were being a bit presumptious expecting hotel sex from a girl you’ve known less than a month.
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As a woman myself, I think all of that is a bit unfair.
Let’s take the situation with John. I think that your point about the office is fair – she may well be concerned about her professional reputation and good on her for looking after her career. However, as Millsy said in the article, not acknowledging the relationship to her friends? I think if the gender roles were reversed a whole lot of women would be outraged by that, and I agree with Millsy that I feel that in this way she may be playing games and frankly disrespecting this poor guy who just wants to be with her and for her to be proud of that.
Then let’s look at Millsy’s situation. Yes, a hotel room does (heavily) imply sex – but let’s face it, if they’ve been together a month in the current dating scene they’re probably already way past that. On top of this, if the woman had a problem with this date, sure she absolutely should say something – but not via text after its all been booked! As Rob said, he asked, she said yes, he thought all was great – to get a text on the day of (!!) after he’s probably paid for a nice room that would not be refundable (!!) thinking he was being romantic and nice – I would be pissed off too! And her text didn’t say anything about being uncomfortable – it was a whole lot of meandering crap that sounded, quite frankly, a lot like game playing!
I agree with poor Rob – girls, cut the crap, say what you mean and give these poor guys a break – they are not mind readers and if they are good guys will 99% completely understand if you explain your reasoning to them rather than leaving them confused and feeling trodden on. Also think about how you would feel if a guy did all of this to you – I think if this article had been written by a woman describing the same situations with men, the sisterhood would be up in arms.
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Both our sexes have a war cry…girls say there aren’t enough men and men say there aren’t enough nice girls. Both of us end up feeling like we are in some form of drought. I am 29yrs old, a nurse and a great person (if i do say so myself lol) i’ve never been into games and messing around – casual dating just isn’t my thing and im not going to break any mirrors any time soon BUT I just cant find a decent guy out there?? and if that’s the same for fellas then we need to hold some kind of conference lol and all the nice guys and girls can meet
problem solved
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I’m 21, and part of the the typical text-centric demographic, but I MUCH talking on the phone. I prefer real-time conversation (which is probably a more accurate way for the other person to prove if they are, indeed, as quick-witted they appear in text) with tone of voice and human CONNECTION, reducing the filtering of devices and waiting for convenience.
I think it’s also a way for two people to pause, put their lives in hold for half a second, and actually engage with one another. We may all get busy, but there is something to be said about making time for someone, even if it’s 15 minutes.Texting is way too interpretive, until you know the person well enough, it’s something that can wait til the relationship has a foundation!
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too many single women are over keen, do not give the man the opportunity to chase, call them, harrass them, basically give themselves on a silver platter.The sex is easy, the girl is easy and easy becomes a little dull in a man’s eyes. To become a keeper, be a little elusive. A girl that makes the bloke do a few long laps tends to win in the dating game.
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If a man is backwards enough to think of you as “dull” or “easy” for making choices that work for you (and which he himself has also made) then you’re better off without him.
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I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for four years now and I find that it’s easier for us to argue over text because we can say what we are really feeling without emotions getting caught in our throat.
We’ve actually solved a lot of our issues better this way, rather than arguing on the phone only to have one not be able to talk coz they’re crying (me) or the other not being able to talk coz they’ve given up on being heard (him). So I think whatever works for you is best, but don’t just dismiss texts as not being ‘relationship-friendly’ :p
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I have a video for you to watch Millsy re: the ‘Nice guys finish last’ bollocks;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VXXXX9iVPI
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Really? That’s where the game playing is? I would’ve thought that the game playing sits with the small the pool of singles for 30 somethings to choose from and the large pool of married’s looking for a slice of pie on the side (talk about compounding the cynicism). Also with the greater chance of meeting someone who is single because they’re damaged goods (aka slightly psycho) or someone who is single and scarred from a long-term relationship with a damaged goods (aka slightly psycho) ex. Or how about when you meet someone seemingly awesome, only to find out they can’t continue because you’re not 100% financially “secure” (is there an actual figure for that?). That’s where its game on for me. Text messages and phone calls? Pffftt, child’s play.
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wow. new respect for Millsy. I am not single at the moment, but i agree, texts aren’t the greatest form of communication for people in a new relationship. It’s difficult enough getting to know someone as it is! Well written Millsy, and you sound like a nice guy.
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I totally agree SMS is soooo over used in relationships, especially when starting out or when a couple is having an argument.
Pick up the phone I say!!!
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I am all for not playing games. I am also for girls going out and telling the fellas they fancy that they are a little bit keen. But please guys, if I work up the courage to tell you how I feel, even if I do it via Facebook (not my best move…) give us some kind of response. A simple ‘awesome, wanna…’ or ‘thanks, but…’ is just polite and keeps me from going insane in limbo.
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You can blame shows like Sex & the City for the way women are today. I’m not being misogynist but women are emasculating men more than ever before and the good guys don’t even get a chance. the game players are too busy rooting each other and complaining why they can’t keep a man/woman.
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How are you being emasculated? By women who have jobs, are intelligent, independent and successful?
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Maybe by women who don’t think a first date at McDonalds is a top night?
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Here is the biggest problem of all. Men definitely are being emasculated, and women will not acknowledge that it even exists, much less that there is a problem.
It’s like talking to a brick wall sometimes, the stupid responses that come out like “women have copped it for years, so it’s ok for women to do it now”
Perhaps you should ask the man to expand his thoughts on emasculation, rather than continue the emasculation through ridicule.
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Haha did you even read the comments?? The very first question was “how are men being emasculinated?” – and yet you still haven’t answered the question! If you have an important point to make and evidence to back it up then we really want to hear it!
Btw, I’ve never read “women have copped it for years, it’s okay for women to do it now” once on this site. Equality isn’t about dragging men down, it’s about dragging women up. We love men – that’s why we marry them, give birth to them and befriend them.
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Can you please expand on how you yourself are being emasculated by the women in your life?
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Agree with all of the above.
HOWEVER, it should have been directed to both sexes- as both are equally as guilty on these points.
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I think years of being in this zone, having been played, and playing the game has actually turned me into a commitment phobe. I’ve probably conditioned myself so much to preserve my ego before it gets bruised that I’ve forgotten how to take a risk and enjoy someone’s company. It’s time to throw down your weapons (SMS devices) ladies and pick up the phone!! We need to declare a peace treaty between the singles of Australia.
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I remember dissecting conversations and texts for hours with my girlfriends to the point where I though my head would explode. ‘What does this mean?’ ‘What does he mean by that?’ Arggg. Then I met a fella who called when he said he would call and showed up at my door at the time he said he would. He introduced me as his girlfriend and held my hand in public. It was so refreshing to know where I stood – he had encountered alot of female gameplayers too so we were pretty adamant about being straight up with each other. So I married him! Even after many years of marriage and a small child, we still hold hands in public
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Gold. One of the biggest womanisers in the country complains about women playing games and has girls eating out of his hands…. I see what you’ve done here Millsy. Nice one.
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Noooo, don’t call me, text me!! I’m busy! I’m at work, or I’m driving, or I’m hanging with my friends, or I’m watching 30 rock, or I’m dancing in my bedroom to lame music with my sister – I don’t have time to answer the phone and have an awkward conversation with someone I don’t really know well yet.
Text me; be funny, show you’re quick witted, have good grammar, be consistent in your attention and follow up after our dates. Once we know each other well enough that we can call each other just for a chat THEN call me. Until then, let’s just keep it to texting or face to face.
I know there’s a lot of commenters on the site who said they don’t like talking on the phone – does anyone agree?
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Isn’t talking on the phone more personal, especially when starting off in a relationship? I would think it would be easier to get to know someone by actually talking to them. The tone in texts/emails is harder to portray. Also, you say you are busy – I would prefer someone pick up my call and say so as opposed to ignoring a text message. Again, too much to imply.
I really think Gen Y & Z are going to lose the art of conversation due to their overwhelming use of the Text Message. Or am I just old fashioned?!
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competely and utterly agree. i had a guy who preferred to call rather than message. even if i only ever messaged him in the beginning, he’d call back. so now everytime i message i have to make sure i’m in a position and mood to speak for about an hour afterwards.
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This!! If you want to talk to me, how about you go to the trouble of organising a proper date where you take me out and we have a civilised drink or meal and chat, instead of just deciding that my evening is yours to monopolise with a phone call when we’re not even in a relationship yet! It’s irritating, lazy and assumes I have nothing better to do. Arrange a date – it’s what dating is for!
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My boy and I are texters too. It means we can talk throughout the day, even when we are both at work, which oftens means we are in different states. It works for us.
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Totally agree with you, I hate being stuck on the phone for ages… theres things to do and you can text while you are doing them, too much pressure on the phone if you’ve just started dating, get to know them in person and text in-between.
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I don’t think most dating people really love playing games, but it’s kind of inevitable when we’re always trying to read each others’ minds, and predict reactions. It’s frustrating and hurtful, especially if you’re dating a poor communicator.
Rob, I really don’t think either one of those girls seemed to be playing games, though. Not sure if poor examples, or you just don’t understand them? Seems to me like the first one was just trying to keep things above board. Who really wants to be the soppy couple at work? Also, remember that women have to be a lot more careful about these things. There is NOT gender equality at work, and one hand-holding session at work can result in a woman going from being a valuable person with worthwhile ideas to merely somebody’s girlfriend.
And the second was being pretty up front, really. Her message might have been confusing in its construct, but she was being clear about having second thoughts about the date. Isn’t this better than going through with it and not feeling right about it?
Honestly, if a guy suggested a hotel date to me in the first month of dating, I would be a bit taken aback, too. Seems far too romantic for that stage of the game. It’s not that the date idea was bad, but women like to ease into things (generally speaking.) I guess that’s when you should have “picked up the phone”, and asked her exactly what she meant…
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can you actually read someone’s mind? do you have that gift?
if not then you are wasting your time. same for predicting reactions.
give the game playing a miss and be honest. it’s easier.
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The first girl doesn’t want work mates to know because it’s unprofessional to date a work colleague.
The second girl thinks a swanky hotel room is too much too soon.
In both cases, there’s no game-playing.
I think certain interactions can FEEL like game playing when one person is more ‘into’ the other.
In my case, I wouldn’t exactly call it ‘game-playing’, but I’ve been on the receiving end of a whole lot of nonsense from men because they don’t know how they feel/what they want/how they should treat me. I’m extremely straightforward and never play any games, but some of them still don’t take me at my word when I tell them I’m happy with a ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement, or whatever. Men have a tendency to assume if you’re attracted to them then you want to marry them and have babies with them.
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Game playing is the worst. I am in a long term relationship but i feel extremely sorry and also extremely mad at my single friends. Guys play them hard and they play them even harder. A friend wont check her facebook messages when she sees he has messaged her because now it shows when someone has read it and she doesnt want to look eager so she waits hours to read and reply to the message. Its all so forced and unnatural.
My boyfriend was so open, said it how it was and at times it was a bit too much and confronting but to this day we never play games.
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I met a man once who didn’t play games. Told me on day one that he really liked me, and his behaviour backed up his words. I married him.
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Oh, Rob, if I wasn’t happily married I would pick up the phone and give you a call. *sigh*
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I broke up with my now hubby via email and texting whilst dating, mostly because things were misconstrued and taken out of context, you need to be able to read peoples expressions etc to really understand what is going on. Texting is so lazy, convenient but lazy. I find now I text and email so much that the phone actually annoys me and I get impatient with conversation. How bad is that? i’m trying to fix that right now.
In regards man drought, i’ve been out of the dating game for a while but there does appear to be a MAN drought, so many boys dress so feminine now, scary, i like a real man. I know thats not the context but just being silly.
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A hotel is not the right place for a ‘date’. It’s too serious. Too many expectations.
I’ve had this happen to me too, a guy I had been seeing briefly emailed pictures of an opulent hotel room where we could stay the night – his shout. It made me very uncomfortable when we’d only been seeing eachother a few weeks and hadn’t done the deed yet. Eventually we did go – he expected that II tell him that I loved him. He had champagne and cheese and all. It was all pitched too high.When I couldn’t say I loved him -my feelings didn’t match his it became more obvious in the face of this over the top display. And he became upset. (He was normally a really normal guy)
If we’d stayed home watched a dvd and had a few wines and wound up in bed it would have been fine.
I don’t think she was playing games at all. I think she was upfront. To go to the hotel would have been pretending she had feelings for you that she didn’t have.
she probably shouldnt have agreed to it in the first place but sometimes it takes awhile for your feelings to fall into place.
Just because you, Mr Mills, were hurt by this girl does not mean there is not a man drought. There bloody well is.
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I’m married with 5 kids & I think I just fell in love with Rob…it’s so true if you really care speak to the person face to face,full stop!
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Could not agree more, text messages (and possibly social media as well) are the WORST way to communicate in a new relationship! My (now) husband and I broke up in our teens because I tried to have a difficult conversation with him via text. Neither of us wanted to go our separate ways, but we did, because we completely missed where each other was coming from.
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Totally agree … no more text messages – it’s out of control!!!
Try calling, and yes, see people face to face to deliver good and bad news.
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I am so glad that texting was only just starting to gain power when I went on my last ‘dating’ expedition. To my now husband. And come to think of it, it is the ONLY relationship I’ve ever had where there was no game-playing by either party. See, nice guys (and nice girls) do find each other in the end
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And were do you meet these ‘nice’ said men?
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Umm, maybe I’m missing something but neither of the women mentioned seemed to be playing games. The first one was involved in a relationship with someone she works with so is probably trying to keep things professional (some workplaces have policies about dating colleagues etc) and the other woman was actually being honest with you about how she felt about this upcoming date. She had second thoughts and was telling you that. You really like her and are disappointed it may not be entirely reciprocated. It happens.
How is that game playing?. Although it does go to show that men are just as confused about the whole thing as women!
Although I have to agree about the downside of text messaging. Some things require a phone call or actual meeting someone and telling them to their face. But smart phones have blurred things even further…
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ugh. The only thing that most of the men I meet these days want to do is crap on about their ex. I dont care about your ex. Obviously, she wasnt very nice if she cheated on you. I’m here, and I’m not cheating on you. But hey, that’s cool, I’ll just sit here and listen while you keep banging on about her.
*pulls my hair out*
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I really love Millsy. I’ve met him numerous times around the traps and he’s always lovely and friendly and yes I don’t imagine he’d be up for games.
yesterday I caught up with a bunch of very old friends for lunch. As the only married in the lot there was much discussion about certain hookups etc and I gave the same advice to her just pick up the phone!!
I’ve heard that our kids generation are going to go backwards and have kids younger so that their kids get to enjoy grandparents, as our generation have all waited to late to have kids that grandparents are few and far between. I so hope that the next generation also heads backwards in ditching digital conversation for good old one on one chats and the phone!
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Im sorry I have to say that this kind of behaviour is not isolated to women. No sir. Just this past year I was really good friends with a guy who I thought liked me. We are both in our early 20′s and I am NOT a game player nor have I ever been. But this guy was playing me hotter and colder than a Katy Perry song. He was spending time with me one minute saying how he missed me when I wasn’t around getting my emotions on a high and then behaving like he didn’t know me, ignoring me, talking down to me etc etc. I’ve never had whip lash so bad in my life and we aren’t even friends now because of it. There is more to this story, we were never actually officially together and I know now that since I was doing most of the chasing he was probably “not that into me” but I have to say that at the time the game playing was not that obvious to me and it was only hindsight that made me see that his behaviour was NOT ok and I was the only one who got hurt.
Rob, you always come across as a really lovely guy and also super cute and sweet and I apologise on behalf of the nice women out there for the others who can be be bitchy enough to think its ok to treat men such as yourself in this fashion. However, like I said, men – not all men – but some can behave just as inconsistently as your Jane person.
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Oh I have just fallen in love with Rob Mills by his words alone. Seriously team MM, give him my number.
I agree about the text messaging being the cause of great confusion. I spent most of last relationship sending long winded text messages and having heart flutters each time a midnight message came through.
Boys play games too. I met a boy recently. He asked for my number. We went out three times. We laughed and had fun. I had a dink on his bike – and I don’t get outdoorsy for just anyone. He is lovely, funny, kind, really good looking. Then he visited me in hospital, said he wants to see me when I get out and am well, and added “I’ve met a girl recently and need to find time to spend with her”. My heart dropped.
So I relegated him to the friends department – I hadn’t liked him long enough to really feel too devo. Then he came to my birthday drinks and was so affectionate with me. Meanwhile was going home to this girl. Confusing.
Summary: Boys play games too. I am in love with Rob Mills’ words and would like to see more of them here. And if he is up for a date with me, I’m available.
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Hey Carly! Let’s just say we’ve been getting a lot of requests and we aim to please, so you’ll definitely be seeing Rob back on the site. xx
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I think Paris Hilton still has it. Oh hang on, was the hotel booked a Hilton Hotel cause that might have been it?
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Ha! Love it.
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my son finished his 3rd longish relationship 3 years ago, now in his 30′s he tells me is done with woman as he cant handle the game playing. He was always very popular with woman but now he is older, had a job that takes many hours out fo the week and finds it difficult to go anywhere to met woman, then they start the games.
as i said he is done with it all damm!!!
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My goodness your son sounds just like me, lets hope he’s in Brisbane
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In Brisbane also, this seems like a very consistant theme up in these traps! Damn you big country town!! *shakes fist*
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I’m in Melbourne and putting my hand up!!
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I’m surprised the bloke who once picked up Paris is claiming to be a nice guy, but rock on Millsy, agree, lose the SMSing and the gameplaying!
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Errm, yes, but, wasnt that about 10 years ago? And wouldn’t he have been about 20? And aren’t we all twits at that age?
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Yes, every 20 year old is a twit. How offensive.
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You presume that Milsy picked up Paris. How do we know it wasn’t the other way around!
Mamamia, great article! Very true!
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Game-playing is crap, no matter the gender of the person. I wish there were some kind of neon sign above people’s heads with ‘plays games’ switched on or off, so the non-players could avoid them.
My boyfriend and I only know one way to play it: straight. Honesty all the way.
Nice article.
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Just putting it out there – Jane Smith’s a twat.That is all.
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Rob,
You’re a bastard!
Here you are, getting the girls lining up for you to date, and all I could get was the girls wishing I was their ex.
http://www.mamamia.com.au/parenting/co-parenting-my-son-is-leading-a-double-life/
I’m doing something wrong.
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It’s human nature to try to protect yourself from being hurt, and in a lot of instances that’s what ‘game playing’ is – I hate the term ‘game playing’ – it has such negative connotations but the person isn’t always intentionally playing you, most often they’re trying to strategise around preventing their own emotional pain.
Funny thing is that you can’t really predict or prevent emotional pain, so the strategising is quite pointless but it’s what we do, and everyones level of strategising is dependent on the level of emotional pain they have experienced in the past and the level of commitment they have to not going through that pain again.
It takes time to work out that having a broken heart isn’t the worst thing that can happen – you will never find the right person for you until you open yourself up to being hurt.
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I don’t actually think Jane is being a game player at all. Remember, we are only hearing Millsy’s side of this story. A night in a hotel when you’ve only been seeing her for under a month seems very full on to me, and far more than just a date. Admittedly, her text didn’t make that much sense to me either but the action speaks louder than her words – she didn’t want to go to the hotel, and it sounds a fair bit like she’s not into you. Yes, it probably would have been better form not to do it in a text, but there’s not much more to it. And as for John, I see nothing wrong with wanting to keep a new relationship quiet at work. Seems sensible to me. Its her workplace. Her personal life is irrelevant.
I wholeheartedly agree that if you like someone, call them and ask them out. If you see them for a while and think its not going to work, arrange to see them and tell them that to their face. Men and women. Simple!
Although come to think of it, maybe my thoughts on this are the very reason I’m single?!
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If that’s the case, and it was full on, why did she say yes in the first place?
I too, am sick of women saying yes one day then baling out a day or two before the date.
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Yeah, but changing your mind isn’t a crime and doesn’t equate to ‘game playing’ …
And I’d much rather women have the courage to speak about it when they do, rather than follow through on plans they’re not comfortable with, just to avoid upsetting someone …
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That’s fine, but just say “You know what, I’ve changed my mind”. That text message is one of the most vague things I’ve ever read. It seems she doesn’t want to go, but then she says it might be just what they need…basically she’s making him make a decision but not telling him what her actual problem is. I got so annoyed just reading it.
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Yeah, good point re: just explaining you’ve changed your mind, it definitely easier and smarter to just be open and honest!!
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I actually wonder if game players would ever be able to admit thats what they are doing? Or are they in denial and still believe they sit firmly in the nice guy/girl category?
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Great article Rob!! Men are just a guilty as women. Game playing is such a degrading thing for the confused nice person left wondering what happened. I have the brightest, prettiest and funniest sister in the world who constantly gets taken for a ride!! Its horrible!! She and all the nice guys and girls out there need to band together to weed out the players!!!
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Amen to that Rob!! And thank you.
My now husband got me hooked ten years ago because he just didn’t give into game playing.
I’ve never been a gameplayer in terms of starting a relationship, pretty open and honest there, but when things start getting serious and I need the constant confirmation he just didn’t play along.
Made me stronger and our relationship stronger too.
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Bravo Rob Mills and don’t let the game-players change your refreshing, positive attitude. Any girl would be lucky to snap you up!
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Wholeheartedly agree re game playing. I don’t know how other people put up with it.
Organising to go to a hotel is weird. Maybe she could have put it more eloquently but I don’t think that is game playing, I think that’s regretting saying yes in the first place and wanting to change her mind. Save the hotels for a weekend away!
And don’t wear that yellow shirt. The plunging neckline is distracting.
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I’m with a-nice-guy and I’m with him for t=just that reason – games suck and so do the guys/girls who play them!
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I’m not attractive enough to play these silly games, i think thats my problem, a guy texts me and says hello and i pretty much have us married with 2 kids and a dog in my brain…creepy….
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I think we all think that way (well most of us) and if it’s right that’s exactly what happens!! Unfortunately is wrong so often and we start to thinks its us!! Don’t change cause the right man will fit you perfectly!!
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Well I’ve been single and NOT playing games for 8 years with no success…but the people around me game playing in/out in/out in/out of dates/relationships/fwb situations all the time.
I am always “myself” but the last time someone asked me out on a date I think John Howard was still Prime Minister.
Apparently nice girls finish last too.
So Millsy – if you’re ever in Adelaide…
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If you’re looking for someone to spend that night at the hotel with millsy, I’m pretty much free ALL THE TIME
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