Women try to look younger. Men try to DO younger.

Mia Freedman Monday 30 January 2012 8:48am

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Got a significant birthday coming up? One with a zero on the end? Wondering how to celebrate? Well, first establish your gender. If you’re a woman, you may want to think about having a syringe of fat or Botox injected into your face.  But don’t tell anyone.

If you’re a man, you should consider taking on an extreme physical challenge and going at it until you vomit. Also, tell EVERYONE. In fact, start a Facebook page so the world can shower you with praise and money.

Because here’s what I’ve noticed: when confronted with getting older, women go quiet and men get loud. Even though everyone’s attitude to aging is much the same (deny and defy) we approach it quite differently. Women try to look younger with tools like injectables, fancy face creams, hair dye, sunscreen and new clothes.

Men? They try to DO younger. Endurance. Physical feats. Half marathons. Triathlons. Buying a $10,000 bike and riding it up a mountain with 20 mates. Something flashy and public and incongruent with their age.

Which is – obviously – the point.

“The trouble with aging is that the mind remains youthful, while the body shows signs of demise,” notes Neer Korn, social researcher & director of The Korn Group. “So there’s this desire to defy reality and prove you’ve still got it. For men ‘it’  invariably means physical prowess. There are younger people who see them as old, unfit and less able and there are doctors reminding them of weight gain, rising blood pressure and cholesterol. They try to deny all this by doing extreme activities to prove they’re still vital.”

My inbox has noticed. This past year it’s been overflowing with group emails from blokes shilling for coin. And they’re not even Nigerian. Many I know well, others barely and they all want my cash. More specifically, they want me to sponsor them to walk Kokoda or climb Machu Pichu. Sometimes it’s a less physical challenge – just growing a moustache or giving up beer for a month. What all the emails have in common is this: they’re from guys using their bodies and their contacts to raise money while making a statement about who they are and what they can (still) do.

It’s the new volunteering and when matched with the male ego, it’s a brilliant business model. Commit to stepping out of your comfort zone publicly and your pride will keep you motivated. Meanwhile, you get healthier (or hairier if it’s Movember) and money is raised for charity. Everyone’s a winner.

Except possibly those getting hit up each week to sponsor climbs and swims and sobriety and moustaches.

One woman I know is jack of it. “Why do these blokes need such public adulation?” she complained to me after being asked to sponsor half a dozen male colleagues who were running a half marathon for prostate cancer. “It’s not the same as volunteering. Volunteers don’t tell the world and they do tasks they might not otherwise choose to do. But these guys get double benefits; an ego boost from completing a physical challenge of their choice and glory for their altruism while their friends are guilted into donating money for them. I already donate to charity. And I don’t expect applause for doing it.”

Another friend has a similarly cynical view: “I think the ‘doing it for charity’ thing is also a way to get your partner off your back. Preparing for those things is very time consuming, ‘Babe, yes I’ll be training with Roger and Phil every Sunday for eight months but it’s for those poor MS sufferers!’”

Whatever their motivation, if it means people get healthier and charities get richer? I’m cool with that.

Still, it’s no coincidence that these sponsor-me emails usually come from guys who are around 40. This seems to be when men get a bit wobbly about their age and need to flex their muscle memory.

Women? Different story.

Over the holidays I was having a drink with a girlfriend I hadn’t seen in a while. In the middle of our conversation, I peered closely at her and declared: “You’ve had Botox again, haven’t you!”.

It was neither accusation nor judgement. Merely observation. “Yes! ” she admitted, laughing. “But don’t you dare tell anyone.” This is typical of women over 30 who’ve had ‘work’ done. Not only do they fail to tell their friends and partners, they’ll actively deny it if comes up in conversation. A bit like all the unlined celebrities in their 40s, 50s and even 60s who, when asked about surgery, carefully claim to be “frightened of needles”.

So while men are defying the aging process physically, publicly and with purpose, women are turning inwards, lowering the cone of silence and sneaking off to get jabbed, lose weight or buy expensive eye serums.

“For women it’s less about prowess and more about aesthetics,” agrees Neer Korn. “Looking young means feeling young and vice versa.”

Not all women, of course. Some settle happily into their skin as they grow older while others push their bodies as hard as the blokes. Nutritionist Joanne Macmillan had me wide-eyed recently when she described training for an upcoming triathlon. She makes her two kids ride their bikes to school while she carries their backpacks and jogs beside them. “When else am I going to find the time to train?” she shrugs. Interestingly, she hasn’t asked me to sponsor her. Yet.

This column was first published in News Limited papers.