Battered wife syndrome: why women return to danger.

Tanveer Ahmed Tuesday 21 February 2012 8:00pm

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Rihanna and Chris Brown

Rihanna and Chris Brown are back together. Creatively, at least. Two songs featuring the singers hit the web on Monday. Brown is singing on the remix of Rihanna’s track ‘Birthday Cake’, and she’s on the remix of his bouncy song ‘Turn Up the Music’. Earlier in the week Chris Brown wished her a happy birthday on Twitter. She said thanks.

Trivial details that matter because Chris Brown once assaulted Rihanna by punching her in the face.

What makes anyone go back to the one that hurt them? It’s more than a little complex. And while it happens in home after home after home in Australia and around the world, it’s high profile cases that make people talk about it. And what about Whitney and the often discussed relationship with her abusive ex-husband Bobby Brown? Psychiatrist, Fairfax columnist and author Tanveer Ahmed writes:

While the causes of Whitney Houston’s death remain to be confirmed, there can be little argument that a tortured existence of a phenomenal talent ended in untimely tragedy, one enabled by modern pharmaceuticals.

The nature of her troubles are well documented, an inner pain which she self medicated with a host of substances, prescription and otherwise. But another aspect of her difficulties, her propensity to tolerate years of domestic violence from ex husband Bobby Brown, give some insights into her psychological angst.

The concept of battered wife syndrome remains controversial. While many women sneer or express disgust at women who continue to tolerate their partner’s domestic abuse, when a better understanding of the underlying thought patterns emerge sympathy is a given.

More importantly, it may give insight into how women can rid themselves and their children from awful relationships. At its most technical and serious application, the concept has acquired legal weight where it has helped defend women who have killed their partners in self defence.

In fact, a South Australian court was one of the first in the world to use the concept to acquit a woman charged with manslaughter in the  renowned case of Runjanjic & Kontinnen (1991).

The term ‘battered woman syndrome’ was coined by psychologist and prominent feminist academic, Lenore Walker, to denote a set of distinct symptoms that result from prolonged exposure to situations of domestic violence. In 1978, she conducted interviews with 435 women in Colorado, USA, each of whom had been, or were at the time, victims of domestic violence.

Her ideas unite two psychological theories-  the cycle theory of battering and the idea of learned helplessness.

Bobby Brown and then wife Whitney Houston

The first stage in the cycle of violence is called the ‘tension building’ stage where the victim will be exposed to verbal or emotional abuse and minor incidents of physical violence, such as slapping. In response, the victim may attempt to pacify their abuser utilising techniques which have been effective in the past. The woman’s primary objective is to avoid future conflict. But her passivity can reinforce the abusers’ violent tendencies and the tension in the relationship continues to build until it culminates in the second stage – the acute battering incident.

It is during the second stage that a victim’s sense of fear and perceptions of danger are at their most heightened state as is the risk of death or serious injury. The release of tension in the second stage can lead to a third phase of ‘loving contrition’ in which the batterer would exhibit conciliatory behaviours and may attempt to convince the victim of their intentions to change. Cue, make up sex.

We all know that the likelihood of actual change occurring, in most cases, is low.

This is the cycle that can repeat itself.

The theory then goes that the woman is in a position of learned helplessness. This idea is based on a study conducted with lab rats whereby the animals was repeatedly shocked until they became unable to escape the painful situation.  The reason the animals failed to even attempt an escape, even when escape was both possible and apparent to animals who had not been shocked, could be found in their distorted perceptions of their ability to change their situation. These distorted perceptions resulted from an inability to predict the effectiveness or positive results of one’s actions. A comparisons was then drawn between the behaviour of the animals in the study and certain forms of human depression.

The colloquial, albeit perjorative, term for a person trapped in such a situation is a doormat. They are trapped in the idea they have no power to control their situation, perpetual victims of external circumstance. Their repeated experience of trauma has some overlap with post-traumatic stress disorder.

The dependent type of personality prone to such a situation is also more vulnerable to suffering the most severe forms of depression and then facing the risk of suicide.

Women disproportionately bear the burden of their significant others throughout their entire lives, be it children, husbands or aging parents. When this burden acquires an even greater dimension through a sense of being unable to better their situation, the prospect of being victims to predators, abusers or outside circumstance can be too much to bear.

While there are many, male of female, who might feel they are hapless ships being tossed around on the ocean of life, the notion of battered wife syndrome shines a light on the unique dimensions of the female experience. While we may not know for sure, the likelihood of Whitney ultimately falling victim to such syndrome is highly likely.

Tanveer Ahmed is a psychiatrist, Fairfax columnist and author of memoir “The Exotic Rissole“. You can find his website here and his Twitter here.

Have you come across anyone who might fit these criteria? Someone who went back time and time again?