This is not my friend, but he could be....
I have a friend, a life long old friend that I went to school with. He’s funny, exuberant, charming and great company. I love to be around him because he makes me laugh.
He hasn’t changed much since school days and maybe that’s part of the appeal for me – he takes me back to my youth. But his wife, well, his wife doesn’t so much like his youthfulness. She must love him I am sure, after all she married him, albeit many, many years ago but that hasn’t stopped her from trying to change him.
She chastises him when he makes old jokes especially about his past, she insists he wears certain clothes, has his hair shaved with a number 2, he isn’t allowed facial hair and she absolutely snaps if he helps himself to a second round of dessert – I understand that she didn’t fall in love with his dress sense (he has none) or his jokes or even his hair but there has to be something about him that appealed to her when she first met him and he had long hair, a goatee and a penchant for sweet food.
Maybe she is just part of a growing trend, I’d call her a frontrunner in fact.
The Daily Mail reports on a study conducted by Wilkinson’s Sword to launch the Movember charity fundraising event to raise awareness of men’s health problems:
Researchers found millions of women have copied Hurley’s remoulding of lover Shane Warne by altering their man’s hair, weight, lifestyle or eating habits.
Others have made dress sense their first priority, encouraging him to ditch scruffy jeans and tatty shirts for smarter, more presentable clothing.
Shedding unsightly beards or growing trendy stubble are also common issues which women address within weeks of meeting a new partner.
The study found nearly one third of women felt they had their boyfriend or husband ‘under their thumb’, with 60 per cent claiming they ‘knew best’ about style and image.
One quarter of those questioned said it had taken them just two weeks to start moulding their new partner in to their perfect man.
Second only to changing the way he dresses, altering his shaving habits to clip facial hair more regularly was the most common change.
One in four women admitted they liked their man to shave more regularly.
Hairstyle was the next most popular alteration with sixteen per cent insist on plucking his eyebrows or nose hair.Others said they had forced their man to change his aftershave.
THINGS WOMEN CHANGE ABOUT THEIR MEN
- Dress sense
- Shaving habits
- Hairstyle
- Nose and ear hair issues
- Shoe choice
- Aftershave
- Plucking eyebrows
- Improving hygiene
- Get rid of his beard/moustache
- Cleanse and moisturise daily
- Diet
- Financial responsibility
- Talking about their feelings
- Drinking less
- Watching more chick flicks
- Call mum more frequently
- Put the toilet seat down
- Stop swearing
- Share the remote control
- Learn to cook
Phew. I think I need to start making my husband over. Although not so much, I fell in love with him the way he is…mind you points 13, 14 and 20 are looking pretty good.
Have you ever tried to suggest a “new look” for a partner? How did that work out for you? Are there things about your partner you would like to change?
And while you ponder that how about a look through the life of Shane and Liz. Think she’s changed him much?
Comments
143 Comments so far
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I love a man with a beard in scruffy jeans and tatty shirts and I swear as much as any guys I know…
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I try to support my husband in better Financial responsibility and drinking less as that impacts us achieving our mutual dreams. I don’t think that is bad. He also complements me in many ways and I appreciate that. As for changing his style or look…he is much more suave than me! He gives me tips!
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I’m to lazy to try and change someone. Might be why I’m one of those blissfully single ladies. I’d much rather go have a facial myself than try get a man to shave. I did encourage my ex to quit smoking, but I do that for everyone, even strangers in the street!
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This is horrible! No one should ever try to change their partners appearance, male or female. My partner and I might ask one another about haircut ideas, or about outfits before going out, but we never give unasked for advice. If your partner has bad habits like burping, farting, scratching his balls, undies hanging out etc then fair enough as that’s just bad manners, but otherwise leave him alone. If you don’t like his appearance break up with him so he can find a women who appreciates him for the way he is. Why are people so superficial?
P.S. I think beardy guy looks really cute with all that hair.
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It goes both ways, you know. We men also try to mould our women so that they:
1) develop a liking for acting out the more outre kinks found on hardcore porn sites;
2) turn a blind eye when we stay out all night;
3) get turned on when we bring home some hottie we picked up down the pub for a threesome;
4) stop pretending that they never fart.
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fair enough with the stop pretending they never fart bit – LOL
but im guessing the other things you said are all tongue in cheek – right??
i mean, u don’t seriously expect yr woman to get turned on when u bring home another woman for a threesome? LOL
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Earth to Mamamia, Earth to Mamamia, women have been trying to mould their fellas for as long as they started being dragged into the cave by their hair. Right from the word go it was ” put that club away!” and “no more 2nd helpings of woolly mammoth burger for you!”, and “why haven’t you sent any smoke signals to your mama in the last week?” Bwahahaha!
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Sorry, can’t type properly. my eyes are still blinded by the ridiculous whiteness of Shane Warne’s teeth.
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I can’t help but find him utterly repulsive. Just me?
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I do find the whole thing pretty funny, and I don’t agree with treating a man like that in these circumstances, but I also know that there are exceptions.
Sometimes guys come along who wear you down over a long time, and are almost begging to spend time with you. In that case you’re pretty much being harrassed into being openminded towards someone to begin with. Having to actually CONVINCE yourself to give him a chance. Especially if his mates are on at you as well about how great a guy he is under all that [insert vices here]. There is a kind of vibe that he is actually SEARCHING for a woman who is a leader and motivator, and will help him sort himself out.
If you do find yourself going out with him a couple of times, he’s always in this position where he’s saying things like, “What’s holding you back? Why are you so hesitant? Can I see you again? No? Why not?”… and then, if you’re a really honest person, you’ll say the things that you really don’t feel are points of compatibility with yourself. Then of course he’s like, “Well, I know I’m probably too (x), (y) or (z)….. I’ve just been a bachelor for a while…. bad habits… you know……..”
So you give him a chance. Then (of course) that bad stuff totally drives you nuts. He turns out to have some serious self-sabotage/self-loathing problems, and a completely insane ex-wife. And he does a wee in the toilet sometimes, and doesn’t flush it.
I’m just saying that some guys put themselves in that position of being a little bit universally crap to begin with, then doing that charming-yet-harrassing thing to convince a woman to give him a chance before they’ve fixed up their crap bits. Any woman is gonna tell her man to eat a healthy lunch at work or stop putting himself down if she’s worth her salt at all. Some couples totally put it out there and as a result they end up with relationships that have this kind of dynamic.
No this didn’t happen to me. This happened to a friend of a friend.
*shifty eyes*
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What would happen if a man wanted his partner to do her hair a certain way and wear certain clothes ? that would be controlling . So why should it be Ok for women to want to change things ?
My ex wore things sometimes that I didn’t really dig , but that was him. If he looks after himself and has manners , why change them ?
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Totally agree. Huge double standard. If they’re healthy, happy and they love you, I don’t really see the point in trying to change them.
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Maybe guys secretly like this sort of behaviour? I hate the idea of changing someone, I prefer to focus on what it is that I love about them… and the things I don’t love so much, I try to either a) madly love them in some sort of reverse psychology way, or b) not let them drive me too mad…
And none of my relationships, including a marriage and another one which produced a lovely child, have lasted! Damn it!!
Maybe compromise is overrated? Was I too nice?
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Yep, Shane Warne is definitely looking more Eurotrash these days, but Liz has found her easy-going bogan thanks to him. Check out those pics of her wearing trackie daks outside the house! I bet she’d never owned a pair before she met him.
I kinda love them together. I think they may even go the distance, if they avoid trying to make each other monogamous. I don’t think either one of them can be tied down, so to speak…
And as for that checklist — thank you! I was having a PMT-ish day and just realised that there’s nothing on that list I’d have to change about my husband. Possibly because there’s no mention on that list of throwing out old useless crap, but still…He’s a good guy and great just the way he is.
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Beware the control freak – male or female.
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i actually thought shane had some terrible illness when i first saw his radical change. just that he had lost sooo much weight i thought he might be ill.
good-luck to them, i would say they are both fairly high maintenance.
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I only get my Mr. to shave his beard and moustache to save me from the pash rash in the heat. He reckons it’s cooler too, so I guess that works in my favour sometimes.
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There are some things I’ve been working on changing for years! My husband has the world’s largest collection of punk band t-shirts that he insists on wearing all the time. They are not attractive. To his credit, when we go somewhere ‘nice’ he will wear a nice shirt. He also insists on using a backpack that reminds me of a school bag every day. He’s going to be 30 next year and is still carting around this stupid backpack. It’s like I’m living with a teenager at times.
I do pluck his eyebrows – only to eliminate the mono-brow though. He loves being preened and I’m a bit of a monkey as in, I just love to pick (but I don’t eat what I pick off!). I would say that all of the other points that women try to change, he already has a handle on. He’s cute, too.
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I don’t know what kind of work your man does for a living, but unfortunately studies show that backpacks are better for backs than briefcases, especially when they start getting heavy with paperwork. Maybe try and hunt down a sexy backpack?
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I’ve tried that! He turns his nose up at everything. I don’t mind the bag factor, I just wish he would get something a bit nicer and something like an over the shoulder satchel/crumpler type bag. He doesn’t need it for work, it just carries his wallet and groceries occasionally. He just won’t give it up! Oh well. We’ll get there one day.
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Let’s see:
I already put toilet down, have been cooking since I was 7, my wife prefers my goatee, don’t drink, she doesn’t like chick flicks muc herself. As my wife says to others, I came pre trained.
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you should run workshops!
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I am an abject failure at this list, mind you, I haven’t tried too hard. I did tell him when he last got his hair butchered, er cut that he couldn’t be trusted in the hairdressers by himself. At least he’ll cook, not great, but when I’m not doing it, I’m not going to complain.
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I’m fascinated by the body language. Shane is keeping his arms tightly folded, does this mean anything? Maybe he’s keeping an eye out for the paps.
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Me too, I must have missed this article when it was new. I think the body language is pretty bad…not a good start, especially with his track record. And I think he looks awful, like a wax figure or something!
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This is true, however I believe it goes both ways. Males are just as likely to give their partner their opinion on their dress sense, behaviour or even, dare they say it, cooking! I guess it’s called compromise and as long as you don’t try to completely change ones individual personality and traits, usually these “suggestions” or “recommendations” come from a warm heart that means well and only wants to improve the loved one in a positive way.
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Nikki, I agree with you – My husband has definitely had some influence on the way I dress, the way I cook and how often I cook at home..also on entertaining at home and in many cases, being much better at it than me! And his influence is not a result of my being a wallflower, or of he wanting to change me … and neither is mine on him. And as for grooming ear hairs, and nose hairs, well, I wish more wives and GFs would do it! its unseemly. Imagine what our husbands would think if we let the armpit hairs grow, or our own nose hairs!
Anyway in the end, nothing in this list truly changes the person. But as for the nagging wife (or husband for that matter), well, that’s a whole different story…
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My husband just volunteered to let me trim his nasal and ear hair. I declined.
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lol
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And this is a list of things of changes that PARTNERS try to implement? Sounds more like a list a MOTHER would attempt. Improving hygiene? Eeeww. How did these sorts of guys get partners in the first place?
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I was drunk. And I got pregnant. And I thought he had potential.
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RE: the toilet seat thing
How many of you (women), when visiting a man-only home, put the toilet seat back UP after you go?
I always do.
I don’t care if a man leaves my toilet seat up or down, as someone said below, I too have arms that function.
Just thought I’d throw the “toilet seat consideration” question out there, as all too often women only see it from our point of view…
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The toilet seat issue is not about how you use the loo for me – it is about the fact that I don’t want to see the underside of the loo seat.
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I always put the toilet lid down and as for seats being up, well, it doesn’t look great. Also what about the germs when you flush? That said – if a man finds the lid and the seat up he can’t be blamed for leaving it up. But if he finds it down and is a guest in someone’s house it should be left that way… So this one is probably more about etiquitte than changing a man if you ask me
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A lot of the womenfolk here seem to have a toilet seat fetish. Probably caused by the same gene that causes women to buy an excess of scatter cushions.
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Actually, I put the lid down, otherwise when you flush, the germs in the loo become aerisoled (spelling?). Yummm
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Me too!! Husband actually showed me by placing paper over the toilet then flushing it how much flies out, now I put the lid down before I flush every single time.
At public toilets I put the lid down, flush, then lift it back up again as I know people don’t like the lid down.
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It’s good for your immune system, soak it up baby!
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Rather not inhale ecoli thanks
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The whole toilet seat thing doesn’t really phase me to be honest. I’m also very lucky – my husband prefers to sit down to pee. Double bonus – no toilet seat left up and no pee on the floor/up the walls/all over the place.
I’m not sure if he would appreciate me telling people he likes to sit down to pee…..
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Me too. I’ve never understood the big fuss made about the toilet seat being left up. It takes minimal effort to put it down again, and it’s preferable to pee on the toilet seat any day!
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Personally, as the mother of 3 boys, I prefer the toilet seat left up. That way, it is less likely to be weed on by the time I come to use it!
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Wow. That is seriously sad, I hate when women put men ‘under the thumb’. My boyfriend may not be everyones idea of perfect but to me he is. Yeah he wears less than flattering camo pants sometimes, and at the moment he has groomed his mo but not his big beard so is looking a bit Amish. But so what, he is being himself. I am still proud to hold his hand in public
Mind you if he was seriously lacking in hygiene I would suggest he improve that but he is already lovely anyway! And the toilet lid must always be down in my house, but only because if it’s not the cats wil play in it. Yuck! Other than that he can be and do exactly what he likes. I would never want him to pick me to pieces and demand that I change either. I love him and hope he never changes
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Ummm he changed me. How cool would it have been if Liz became more like the old Shane Warne….if only
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Give it time.
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My boyfriend used to have these two oversized, dragon-laden, hideous shirts that he’d owned for over 5 years and he’d cycle through them every 3 days or so. I took him shopping for new clothes, which he now wears happily and isn’t closed off to certain colours (he now isn’t opposed to trying something other than black!)
Before we got together he’d never cooked for himself. He quite often suggests that we cook together now, he enjoys eating his own creations.
He has one hell of a temper and his parents have always accepted it as the norm, because his father is exactly the same. Boyfriend is seeing the error of his over-reacting ways and trying to manage his anger instead of lashing out.
Do I see the differences since I’ve been around as changing the essence of him as a person? No, I see it as enlightening him. I don’t give him ultimatums, I simply encourage boyfriend to step out and try new things!
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I can relate with your first paragraph! What’s with guys thinking that the shirts they’ve worn for the last 5 years are even in a good condition to keep wearing now? Before I stepped in, my bf’s 3 t-shirts were tattered, stretched and faded.
I happily continued buying him new t-shirts until his mum told me to stop… WHY?! I DON’T GET IT. It’s my own money! Oh, and I only bought like 5 new ones for him. FIVE! And now they’re too small for him! UGH.
Also he wears these hideous track pants all the time. It’d be OK if they were normal, standard FULL LENGTH track pants but no… they’re 3/4 length track pants. It’s cool if he wants to wear them for training or something but to dinner with my friends? NO.
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Fact: most women are obsessed with appearances. Most men are too busy earning the money to enable their women to obsess over appearances to be bothered about their own appearance, if you follow me.
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Look! it’s a man from the 1950s! Quick, take a photo. Actually, I’d better let a man do that, I need to fix my hair.
Ahem.
1) Your comment is horrifyingly cliched. Yes, women (and men) care about appearances, it’s a societal norm, but it’s certainly not the most important thing in a relationship, by far.
2) I hate that you write “their women” like women are men’s possessions. Relationships are about equality. Most these days are double incomes.
Essentially, times have moved on. Come out of the cave, my dear.
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That’s right, after the end of 1959 women stopped being obsessed with their appearances. David Jones closed down, as did all the boutiques and shoe shops. Fashion magazines like Vogue went out of business. All the world’s cosmetics factories were forced to close down. (Hey, how’s about you stop thinking in politically correct cliches, and start looking at the way the real world operates).
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Lol. Did you read what I said? Yes, people care about appearances, and commercialism, and all that. My 50s comment was in reference to you saying that men earn all the money. Never mind.
And, actually, if you looked at the real world, you would realise that women make important contributions to society and aren’t just vain, shallow money leechers that your comment implies.
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My partner has changed lots of things since he started going out with me – more as a result of living with each other rather than from me actively trying to change him! For example, now that we live together, his eating habits have changed to mirror mine as I do most of the cooking, and he has more financial responsibility since I taught him about money.
Most changes have been as a result of learning – we both like to grow and evolve and this involves encouragement. I admit I’ve tried to make him pluck the occasional hair or use cleanser but I’d like to think it’s gentle urging rather than nagging…
As someone said below, if you make changes yourself, people around you often follow your lead. So look in the mirror first!
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1. Dress sense- Famous for his towel wearing experiences at various venues
2. Shaving habits-took a long time to finally grow the facial hair, and now only tidies up once a week to aid with its “natural curl”, and to assist with medical interventions!
3. Hairstyle- always a bit naturally dramatic as a youth with his super thick unruly curls , but since his 30s the drama is completed by the zero tolerance shave during the humid summer months….
4. Nose and ear hair issues- moustaces are tolerated but covert nasal hairs are to exterminated without exception!
5.Shoe choice, shoes? What a quaint concept, wheelchair usage probably causes the point to be moot.
6.Aftershave- always smells naturally good!
7. Plucking eyebrows.. purely for my own vanity as any of the long howard style wayward hairs must meet the daleks and be Exterminated!
8. Improving hygiene- never been a issue always clean.
9. Get rid of his beard/moustache…read number 2.
10.Cleanse and moisturise daily, always cleans and conditions and combs moustache and beard.
11.Diet-not a problem very ecumenical.
12.Financial responsibility, – equally responsible for the poverty we find ourselves in.
13.Talking about their feelings – some communications are beyond words after nearly 3 decades.
14.Drinking less -He does and I try to.
15.Watching more chick flicks – I practice what I preach.
16.Call mum more frequently- been there done that wish I listened to what he had to say about it in the beginning.
17. Put the toilet seat down – I have the full use of my arms and hands so it was never an issue.
18.Stop swearing, we both enjoy ourselves verbally; a creative approach to expressing ourselves in new and unique ways.
19.Share the remote control – just see if he can wrench it from my cold dead hands.
20. Learn to cook – he has improved vastly from his roast meat and vege days to mastering the intricacies of thai curries, and his legend fruit pies!
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Urrgh, Liz! Matching his tie to your dresses! I hate that, such a weird, territorial WAG trademark…looks contrived!
I read a (depressing and VERY sexist) quote somewhere that said something like, “Women marry men and hope that they’ll change. Men marry women and hope that they never do. Unfortunately for both, the women change and the men never do.”
On the other side of the coin, I have plenty of female mates who want to cut their hair short or get a fringe but their boyfriends have told them they won’t like it. I can understand changing a brand of aftershave – it’s so important to like how your partner smells – but not necessarily to make them start wearing it if they don’t like to.
I definitely hate the idea of trying to change your partner, but just incase it’s something that happens unconsciously, i thought I’d better work through the checklist. How did I go?
1.I tried buying him a couple of things that he never wears, so I stopped.
2.it’s only work that makes him shave. We both love it when he can have a break and let it grow
3.I shave his head at his request, he dyes mine for me – good deal!
4.The ears haven’t started yet, but he’s grateful (I think) for the reminder to do his nose. He also lets me know when i’m overdue for eyebrow and upper lip wax!
5.see #1
6.He asks which aftershave I like, he rejects the first 5 I suggest, then he chooses one we agree on – likewise with my perfume
7.Nah, I think it always looks too weird when guys pluck, too scared to go there. I have accepted that we will have monobrowed babies…
8.His parents took care of that, thank you
9.See #2 – I like a bit of beard/stubble!
10.Cleanse and moisturise daily? No way – I don’t even do that!
11.We’re both trying to improve this one, then we both give in to temptation
12.Not a problem, we’re compatible on this
13.He’s great with the talking about feelings and I love it
14.See #11!
15.Nah, I’m not really into chick flicks
16.Not his mum, he’s good with that – we both remind each other to call our grandmas, though!
17.See #8
18.What the fuck for?
19.He’s good at sharing the remote – actually, he’s pretty lovely all round really! Wouldn’t change a thing, even the dress sense!
20.He already does all the laundry and gardening – if he took over the cooking, I think I’d feel redundant!
I think I got him in mint condition – his parents must have done a good job!
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I can honestly say I haven’t tried to change a thing about my fiance. Nor would I want to! Because then he wouldn’t be the man I fell in love with.
I love his scruffy hair, his beard that starts to turn ginger when when he grows it too long, the way he serenades me when he’s had a few too many drinks, his need to constantly flick thru channels – both radio & TV…and as for cooking? He’s a better cook than me!
I could go on but I’ll spare you all
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Uhh let’s see, going down that list for my husband –
1- Dress sense has always been great, in fact sometimes he cares more about what he wears than I do.
2- He doesn’t like facial hair so he shaves frequently.
3- He’s had the same hairstyle for a few years but I like it so no problems there.
4- No problems there!
5- He has good shoe sense.
6- I love all his aftershave choices- probably because I bought most of them lol!
7- Doesn’t apply.
8- Hygiene issues are not a problem.
9- Like I said he hates facial hair.
10- I don’t need to remind him of this – only about putting on sunscreen!
11- I do the cooking at home and make his lunch so I aim for healthy. I just wish he would drink more water and less soft drinks!
12- No problems here.
13- He has never had an issue with this, in fact I’ve seen my husband cry plenty of times. He is open to communication.
14- My FIL is an alcoholic so my husband doesn’t drink at all.
15- He loved Bridesmaids hehe.
16- He talks to his mum everyday. I don’t have to tell him to.
17- He is guilty of this!
18- And of this – but mostly out of frustration.
19- I usually control the TV lol but we watch mostly the same shows! Otherwise if I’m watching a show he doesn’t like he just goes on the lap top and vice versa!
20- I wish he would learn especially for when we have kids!
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Really? Is this just another article that makes some one else looks bad (the controlling wife) to make a point. Maybe his changes are nothing to do with her, maybe he loves her and appreciates the changes, maybe their marriage is none of your business. Did you take nothing away from the breastfeeding article and the responses last week. I get it that this is supposed to be a lighthearted look about what we change about our partners and for everyone to share their anecdotes. Possibly the story that leads into it is just made up to make that point. In fact I really hope that is the case.
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You are being a little ridiculous and have missed the point of the article.
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Not sure I agree with you Annonymous. Last week’s article was frustrating to say the least and this article is doing nothing to quell my annoyance. It really feels like Mamamia just steps into the tide of sensationalism just to create…sensationalism.
I fully appreciate the desire for honest and divided debate. But on these terms?
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My husband has changed since we got married and I’d like him to change back please! When we first had children he was a student so he did most of the child care and housework. Then he graduated and got a much better paying job so we had another baby and I stayed home.
We lived overseas for some time and the work load was split 75-25. Not too bad considering I have been working part time or a student since he took up full time work. Now he calls his mum or dad up to do things he doesn’t want to do! Mum for babysitting and ironing, dad for gardening or house repairs. (Pizza Hut for cooking.) SERIOUSLY! I have no idea how to break the cycle apart from moving again – or doing the house repairs and ironing myself.
I’m sure I’ve changed too. I’m pretty sure my husband was delighted when I learnt to cook and I think he’d like it if I paid more attention to my hair removal!
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I love my man the way he is, scruffy and dirty
He knows I don’t like the facial hair cause it tries to scrape my face off but I never ask him to change. And I have put my concerns regarding health forward for obvious reasons but the rest is him 
he knows how to dress for an occasion and looks after him self. Why should I do that for him when I have to do it for myself and kids? I live my man for who he is!
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If there is anything that anyone really, truly, absolutely-dutely wants to change about their husband, wife or significant other…..why did you bother with them in the first place ?
I’m so happy that I am a part of a warts and all relationship.
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I am happy with everything about my husband. But there is one thing I want to change and it’s only because of health reasons. My husband is a little overweight. And to be honest I love the way he looks and don’t really want to change it. He’s so cuddly! But it worries me that it could be putting extra strain on his heart etc. And I don’t want to lose him earlier in life due to ill health from extra weight. So we have both made a commitment to exercise more and eat healthier, so that we are both healthier and can stay together for as long as possible.
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I stand corrected. A change for health reasons is quite understandable.
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Yeah, absolutely, but that’s also not “making” them change, that’s doing what is necessary.
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I don’t think these are all too bad – I encourage my husband to call his mum more frequently and I definitely give him a nudge or refer to him as beard-ears when I think he needs a bit of self-grooming. But I’ve got no hope with remote sharing or learning to cook. Fortunately, he doesn’t drink much and he’s always loved chick flicks.
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I agree, I gentle ensure my bf cares a little more about his health – smoking and fried foods may have been fun when he was in his 20′s, but I want him around with me forever so they need to be reduced! I’m lucky he has a wonderful style, especially his shoes. Man do I love his 50 pairs of Nikes! Putting the toilet seat down is my no. 1 nag though. It was the deal when we moved in together!
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Oh my God!
All of these things my husband has tried to change about me.
What does that say about our relationship, the only one I won’t back down on is the chick flicks.
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Surely trimming nose hair and ear hair is acceptable? I didn’t hook up with a koala bear, why would I want him to turn into one?
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I was friends with my partner for 6yrs before we decided to commit to a relationship and as a result I know him for HIM. I fell in love with him regardless of his terrible dress sense, his terrible language and his addiction to all things *bloke* (speedway, building racecars, fishing, hunting, camping, etc). In fact, I even made the effort to get involved in the things he loves because he’d made the effort to be involved in my life.
Why would I want to change him AFTER I fell in love with him for who he is?
The ONLY thing I have changed about him is his deoderant – and only because I was allergic the old one!
http://thefridgedoorblog.com
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only the toilet seat thing…and all other things related to picking up around the house…but not much else (hmm, I must be in a good mood today)
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you know what? good luck to liz and shane… they look like they are enjoying each other’s company and the kids are all right… in regards to his changing? who knows? he might have wanted to do it himself… i really don’t care if he likes the oompah- loompah look…
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gaunt oompah-loompah…
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My partners eating habits have changed this year because I started doing all the cooking, which I don’t mind BUT I WISH HE WOULD DO THE DISHES! It’s supposed to be our arrangement, but he tends to leave them to pile up for DAYS, then the kink gets gross and he complains about it. Christ. That’s really the only think I can think of that I would change about him. Maybe one day he’ll magically start doing them every day?? Argh!
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Ha haaaa!! Can’t do them at night cos he ‘needs to relax’. Can’t do them in the morning cos he ‘doesn’t have time’. Might start feeling the need to ‘relax’ when it’s time to put his dinner on the table….
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The list of changes and the friend mentioned makes me wonder what is with all these control freaks?
Yes I’d like a guy to dress decent when it matters on a night out, but I don’t want to be my guys mother ffs. The guy is supposed to be like a best friend, whom you like for who he is, not some accessory to gain approval from family and friends.
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Should add “Learning to communicate and live together” is different to “changing someone”.
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I like the way that you think, Miss T.
A relationship is about compromise and learning to live with things that you know that you’ll never change in the other person. After all, it was a combination of all the nasty & nice that attracted you to your better half in the first place.
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His wardrobe might have improved but how scary does Shane Warne’s face look? Eeep…
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Don’t change someone you love. Love them for all of them. It’s as simple and as complicated as that.
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Never, ever have I tried to change Big Fella in a physical/appearance sense. Height of rudeness and I’d be furious if he suggested I change my clothes/hair whatever.
I don’t think ‘talking about feelings’ is the same thing though. We all need to work together on those relationship things and it isn’t changing someone. I’ve changed HOW I talk or express myself in those difficult conversations and so has he, but that wasn’t because we tried to change each other its just communicating!
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You call it changing, I call it improving! I have no problems telling my husband the jacket he’s wearing should have been taken to the Salvo’s in 1995. He always asks my opinion and wont go shopping without me so he obviously doesn’t mind!
I’ve also been on his back to lose his earring. It was fine when we were teenagers and semi-acceptable in our 20′s but now that we’re in our thirties….not so much!
17 years and still going strong so we’re obviously doing something right!
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What about if he dosent want to lose the earring. After all thats who he is. That wouldnt go down well with me at all.
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He obviously doesn’t want to lose it……..that’s why he still has it. The earring isn’t who he is – he’d be exactly the same person if he didn’t have it.
I think you’re reading a little too much into the earring………and my comment for that matter, which was made tounge-in-cheek.
My husband and I joke about the earring because he knows I hate it and I kind of think he’s keeping it for that exact reason. We also laugh about the fact that he loves my hair long and I recently cut it short. It’s my payback for him not losing the earring!
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I think it’s a slipperly slope, you chip away at all the little quirks and flaws and eventually you are changing who they are.
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My husband just agreed to cut his hair, which he has been growing since 1994 and was looking a little worse for wear. I have realised that some men need a little more work than others to fit in with modern society and comply with modern hygeine standards-my darling being one of them (also 17 years and going strong). My sympathies re earing, thats a tough one…
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1994 – that’s a huge effort!! If you can tackle hair from 1994 I’m sure I can make some ground with the earring!
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I love Elizabeth Hurley but Shane Warne is a douche. Hopefully she’s changed that.
I still think she should have married Hugh Grant!!
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did you forget about hugh grant and the prostitute…i think they are both pretty much weasels
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When I was growing up my mum talked to me a lot about the fact that people don’t really change and you’ve got to be with a man that you can love and accept just as he is. This is probably one of the best pieces of advice she ever gave me. So very true.
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The only thing I changed about my bf was getting him to wear more coloured clothes. His wardrobe was full of black and khaki green when we started dating, now theres yellow, blue, stripes. He LOVES his stripes now. And the other week he picked out a blazer all by himself! Bless.
Then again, he’s italian so good dress sense was always there underneath the band tshirts. I just had to encourage it.
Everything else he is good at.
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I’m quite defensive when it comes to these things as I know my husband had to grow up alot to keep me. Having said that, years in the army and his good upbringing have fared well for him (and me). I quite possibly need to face reality though so I might just test myself with this one…
Dress sense – dresses well and wont wear anything he doesnt like. So I no longer buy v necks for him! lol
Shaving habits – he shaves when I complain about his stubble scratching my face or when we go out.
Hairstyle – meh short back and sides every time…
Nose and ear hair issues – he plucks. apparently the hair tickles him. I dont notice.
Shoe choice – thongs. everywhere.
Aftershave – i buy his favourite. i love his smell though so works for me too.
Plucking eyebrows – huh?
Improving hygiene – his hygeine is better than most people I know!
Get rid of his beard/moustache – he doesnt like them.
Cleanse and moisturise daily – huh? he is lucky to wash his hair once a week!
Diet – he is healthier than me.
Financial responsibility – I manage the money.
Talking about their feelings – again, better at this than I am!
Drinking less – big fat tick. he was a binge drinker. I wasnt interested in dealing with that so he stopped.
Watching more chick flicks – yep, he does!
Call mum more frequently – close to his mum already so no need to remind him.
Put the toilet seat down – no change. he did that already.
Stop swearing – no change. he doesnt swear often.
Share the remote control – he gives into me most times
Learn to cook – can cook better than me!
So I think I did ok. The only real thing I changed (or had a hand in changing) was his binge drinking. having said that, he does go on benders occassionally but nothing too drastic.
All of the above mostly re-iterates what I already know which is that I have a great catch and I’m luckily enough that he loves me for all of my countless faults!
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sounds like my AJ husband. The only thing on that list was the drinking. He doesn’t drink often, but when he does it’s a bender… but after 7 years of marriage I know just to let it go… he is not hurting anyone (except his liver!), he is a happy drunk and doesn’t drink drive, or start fights etc. so while I get it is not the best thing in the world, it’s not the worst thing either.
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Yep I agree. The AJ culture seems to be to encourage binge drinking to ‘deal with’ the situations they are subjected to.
The most difficult time for us was when he was discharged as he had to find other ways to cope with life and learning to re-enter society as a civilian (he went to the army when he was 17).
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we could be married to the same man… except mine got back in after two years out. frustrating.