sex

There is such a thing as too much porn and this is it.

Vanilla. Lesbian. Anal. BDSM. Bondage. Women of different ages, races, body types. Women with blonde hair, brown hair, no hair anywhere else. Women during their periods. Women who ‘enjoy’ being ejaculated on. Multiple women. Multiple men.

“Porn sites offer variety and novelty, which their partners just can’t compete with.”

These are the words of a sex therapist in a column for The Guardian

“I work with what is a growing issue: there’s a huge social stigma that stops addicts coming out in public,” the anonymous contributor wrote. “At some point, mainstream porn stopped giving addicts the same sort of arousal, so they escalate to more hardcore fetish stuff, and then won’t have sex with their partner unless they’re acting out a fantasy.”

Porn addiction is a type of sex addiction. And, according to Psychguides.comthere are several signs that show excessive viewing of porn has become a problem.

These might include: when watching pornography starts to interfere with normal daily behaviour. When ‘tolerance’ is continually increasing, and you need to spend more time watching pornography, or searching for more stimulating types of pornography, to reach climax. When a sense of ‘withdrawal’ is felt when porn use is stopped. Compulsive masturbating. Sexual dysfunction. Unrealistic expectations.

ICYMI: Porn has been declared a public health crisis. Post continues below video.

Men are more likely to become addicted

Men consume more porn than women do. In a survey of 4000 men and 4000 women, conducted by Cosmopolitan, 32.5% of men watched porn daily, compared to 3.8% of women.

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Men and women also consume porn differently. Men tend to place themselves in the position of the male porn star, watching porn ‘literally’. Experiencing the scene as if they were present. Women, on the other hand, watch porn more generally. Maybe imagining themselves being penetrated, maybe just feeling aroused, sexy, but not necessarily wanting to be part of the scene themselves.

“Pornographic images seem to activate a man’s visual system in a manner that goes beyond just looking at trees or even people,” says biopsychologist William Struthers told Men’s Health. “It’s almost like a high-definition signal compared with a standard signal.”

Problem is, this signal can weaken, and men need to watch porn for longer, or seek more kinky scenarios, in order to receive the same level of pleasure.

This rising tolerance level can lead to problems with arousal and climax. Research published in 2014 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found one out of every four erectile dysfunction patients was under 40. This compared drastically to research from 2002, which found only two per cent of younger men suffered from erectile dysfunciton.

Part of the problem? Porn. The accessibility, variety, prevalence of porn.

Porn conditions the brain to ‘get off’ on certain things, and physical masturbation habits reconfirm these sexual triggers. When these same stimuli – visual and sensual  – aren’t present during real-life sex, arousal can be difficult and reaching climax can be near impossible. It’s a desensitisation that pertains to porn itself, as well as real-life sexual partners.

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“People gain an idea of how a specific sexual encounter is supposed to go—’that is what I need to do to experience that kind of pleasure,'” Elizabeth Morgan, assistant professor of psychology at Boise State University, told Men’s Health. “We don’t typically watch other people in the bedroom, so it’s often through sexually explicit media that these scripts are presented to us.”

In this search for heightened pleasure, or stimulation above the ‘tolerance’ level, men are more likely to turn to kinkier, more hard-core material.

“With hard-core pornography, you’re able to become aroused more quickly and intensely,” Ana Bridges, a professor of psychology at the University of Arkansas, also told Men’s Health. “When there is more action, more intensity of emotion—it doesn’t necessarily have to be a positive emotion; it can just be intensity—then arousal increases.”

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How does this translate into the bedroom?

When the excessive consumption of pornography has taught a man the only way to reach climax is by degrading a woman, ejaculation on her face, even using violence, this is not only going to affect his performance in the bedroom, but also his relationships with women.

Men who are addicted to porn – who’s “high definition” fantasies have lead them to heightened pleasures, more intense orgasms – are going to find it very difficult to separate pornographic scenes from reality. To realise everyday sex is not the same, shouldn’t be the same, as pornographic sex.

“Use of pornography negatively affects your relationships in that is is more difficult to become aroused by your partner, and romantic or sexual behavior between you and your partner changes,” Psychguides.com states. “For example, [sexual behaviour] becomes more aggressive, dominant, or emotionally disconnected.”

The good news is, things can change.

The brain, and it’s preferences, can be re-wired. Pathways to pleasure can be altered. And people having difficulty with arousal due to porn consumption can try using different stimuli, and different physical stimulation, to change tolerance levels and learn different methods of arousal.

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Counselling, of course, can help porn addicts and sex addicts form a healthier relationship with sex and arousal. The most important factor here is the ability to recognise and acknowledge the problem. Sexual addiction can also be linked to other mental disorders, such as depression, anxiety, performance anxiety and personality disorders.

“You don’t know whether a client is going to be sobbing, angry, defensive or filled with shame,” the sexual therapist wrote for The Guardian. “I feel a lot of compassion for [porn addicts] and want to do whatever I can to make them feel more comfortable and confident in talking to me.”

Finally, it’s important to remember, porn consumption can be healthy. It can be a form of research, leading to heightened pleasure in real-life sex, and greater comfort in sexuality and exploration. In an interview with Men’s Health, assistant professor at Indiana University Paul Wright said looking at porn like this (as an adjunct to real-life pleasure, as opposed to a replacement) can help prevent the descent into addiction.

“If you’re looking at pornography for sexual learning—to give your significant other a more pleasurable oral sex experience, for example—you may be less likely to become compulsive than someone who views it because he is depressed and lonely,” he said.

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