At 1:41am this morning, a message from Sarah* appeared in our submissions inbox. It read…
Hi,
I really need some advice from Mamamia readers. I also want to warn other women, and let them know that they are not alone if they have been lied, cheated on, or conned by an ex.
Because that’s exactly what has happened to me.
In the beginning when I met Tom* everything was amazing, and I believed him when he told me he was left sterile after a ‘horrific motorbike accident’ (he had a big scar on his testicles that made me believe this). We would have sex unprotected, because he told me we had no chance of falling pregnant. Considering we promised to be monogamous and were clean of sexually transmitted infections, I saw no issue with this.
But then I fell pregnant with our son. Not long after I realised I was in love with a narcissistic, lying piece of sh*t, who had basically “stealthed” me.
LISTEN: Does your relationship have rules to prevent cheating? (Post continues…)
When I told Tom we were pregnant, his responses ranged from ‘it’s a miracle’, to ‘you were cheating on me’, ‘it’s not mine’, ‘I’m so excited’, ‘I can’t be a father’, ‘you’ll be a great mum’ and finally, ‘we should get an abortion’.
I was 9.5 weeks along when I found out I wasn’t the only woman he was sleeping with.
I discovered the other women when my partner started acting really strange, and made a habit of giving me every stereotypical excuse under the sun (I’m working late; I’m staying at a friend’s house in the city to save on a taxi fare).
Top Comments
I have a 27yo child who grew up without their father in the picture - trust me, there is no harm done by not having the child's father in the picture when the father doesn't want to be a part of it. What is more damaging is trying to force the relationship because your son will be hurt by it all, especially if his father is the sort to make promises to the boy and then never follow through. In my situation I just found all together easier to claim I had no idea who my child's father was so I did not have to fight for court-mandated child support that I would likely never get. Don't get me wrong, I had given my child's father chances at being a part of their life, but the father made it quite clear that he wanted no part of it. His loss because he's missed out on the amazing kid I've raised.
Go to court, get the child support. Leave the door open for him to have a relationship with his son on your terms. Don't expect much.
Do not repeat your mistakes in future relationships and this means reading, learning, and growing (also, therapy if it's in the budget). Do not live IN your mistake either. Forgive yourself. We all F up sometimes. Your F up was no worse, but you just have a living, breathing consequence.
Be happy.