7 things every parent of a newborn knows to be true.

Hero, Shocker and Whinger of the week: the bite-sized edition.
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Hero, Shocker and Whinger of the week:...

So you discovered Poonamis…

Being a mum to a little newbie is an exciting and very educational time in any parents’ life.

Suddenly, you’re flooded with all this knowledge you never even knew existed. And often, you need to learn these things pretty darn quick.

Here are 7 things that all mums of 0-4 month olds know to be true.

parents of newborns
Jacqui Porter and her son.

Just as an FYI, you should know that this post is sponsored by Big W. But all opinions expressed by the author are 100% authentic and written in their own words.

1. Projectile vomit.

You’ve never seen projectile vomit like that of a small baby. Despite their size, those aged under 4 months have the ability to hurl across a room like no one’s business. Be sure to warn people in advance if you have a chucker and carry some cloths with you to clean up. My recommendation would be to purchase a bulk supply of white cloth nappies. Fantastic for emergency clean ups and easy to chuck in a bucket of detergent when they need a wash.

Related: 10 things every parent of a newborn needs. 

2. Poonamis.

No matter how tight you do that nappy up, your child WILL have a poonami at some stage. For those who are unfamiliar with the poonami, let me explain. A poonami is that joyous moment when the poo manages somehow to escape the nappy completely and make its way up your child’s back with no reason or conceivable explanation. In my experience it usually happens the one time you leave the house for a short period without the required 15 changes of outfits or spare nappies. For your own benefit, always carry an emergency supply of nappies, wipes and an outfit in the boot of your car.

parents of newborns
They’re cute. But they’re messy.

3. Sleep is no longer something for you.

There was a time when you were permitted to sleep the entire night through. Those were the days, but sadly, those days are now over for you my friend. Night time is now is a period of sporadic eye closing in between crying, feeding and nappy changing. The cruel part is that you are still expected to partake in general society during the daylight – so you will become some kind of lactating zombie. In one way it’s a bizarre experiment which shows you just how little sleep a person can actually survive on.

4. You will never have experienced washing like this before.

They might be small but boy do they create some washing. Between the nappy blow outs, the vomiting, the spilt milk and god knows what else, that child will create enough washing to leave you housebound for days. Nappy San is your new best friend for soaking and you probably want to look into bulk supplies of decent laundry powder. You’ll need it.

Related: The 17 things every parent of a baby needs.

5. Night time feeding is a killer.

It seems like you only just crawled back into bed and then… waaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!! Baby seems to be hungry again. It’s draining and exhausting. Get your partner to share in the sleep deprivation by keeping some bottles on stand by for formula or expressed breast milk. Provide a lesson on preparing bottles before you go to bed (or just make them up yourself and leave them out) and enjoy a few extra winks during the night. Plus, it’s a nice bonding experience for dad and bub.

parents of newborns
Feeding. Washing. Sleeping. Parents of newborns face unique challenges…

6. Everything you own will smell like sour milk.

This is inevitable. There will not be one item of clothing in your closet spared from the lingering odours of milk. Welcome to motherhood. Invest in some nice soap or body wash and possibly even a decent perfume to help you feel a little more human when leaving the house. It masks the smell slightly. Slightly.

Things. Babies need all of the things. This is a small number of those things. (post continues after gallery).

7. To leave the house, you will need to pack the equivalent of a week’s supplies.

Forget the days of running out the door with your wallet and keys. Now a quick trip to the shop requires bottles, dummies, outfit changes, nappies, wipes, nappy bags, pram, pram toys, burp cloths and more.

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