'There were 3 in the bed and the little one said: what are you two doing?'
Would you have sex with a baby in the room?
Apparently, one third of Swedish parents are doing just that.
Many have reported having sex, while their children are in the bed with them.
These Swedish survey results are making headlines around the world and dividing parents into ‘it’s okay’ and ‘absolutely no way‘ camps.
One guest on UK breakfast show, The Morning said that sex in the same bed as an infant was fine, so long as the child was asleep but another said that doing so was ‘verging on child abuse.’
Mother of two Lynnea Shrief admits that she has had sex with her husband while their baby was in the bed, confessing to hiding her ‘squeals of delight’ with a pillow.
She believes that as long as the child is asleep, there is nothing wrong with it.
Journalist Sonia Poulten, on the other hand, says to make love while a child is in the same room is ‘disgusting’.
‘I co-slept with both my children and breastfed them until they were between nine and 12 months,’ Lynnea said on the ITV breakfast chat show today. ‘If the baby woke up I would roll over and breastfeed, and then go back to sleep.
‘Occasionally if my husband and I felt like kissing or making love, we did it. It would always be an intimate and passionate act. It wasn’t this noisy, wild act of sex that I think some people are imagining.
But Sonia Poulten believes that even a sleeping baby can be affected by their parents making love in the same room.
‘The only time you should mix a child with sex is when you are creating them,’ she said today.
‘People automatically assume if you have issues with such things that you are uptight about sex, some sort of Victorian throwback cultural issue. It isn’t that at all.
‘My gut instinct just says ‘”this isn’t okay,”‘ she added.
What do you think? Is it okay for parents to have sex while their child is in the same room? Is it okay for them to have sex while their child is in the bed? Does your answer change depending on the age of the child?
As a kid, did you ever bust your parents?
Comments
243 Comments so far
Not sure about my opinion on sex with the baby in the bed – think its ok with the baby in the room in a cot – but my first thought was, ‘they feel like having sex at the end of a long day taking care of a baby? Impressive…’ ha ha!
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exactly! Gee, I honestly read stories about people who have children nine months or a year apart and I think ‘where did you get the energy?’ When I am getting by on 5 hours sleep or less a night I would way prefer sleep to sex. Just as I would prefer food to sleep if I was starving hungry!
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My partners nephew recently stayed over with us, and due to no room in our apartment he slept in with us. My partner usually wears nothing to bed, yet I made him wear pants as well as underwear out of respect.
While we don’t have our own kids, I just think it’s wrong. It can always wait and there are always other rooms!
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Not having a child, I probally have no right to comment, but I dont care.. I’m sorry we as a group at work have discussed and its a solid No No!!
I feel uncomfortable even when the dog is in the room!
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NO NO NO NO NO. I remember being very young (2-3) when we were camping in a caravan and waking to a rocking van. I didn’t know what sex was but I still knew it was wrong/weird/uncomfortable so I kept my eyes shut and willed it to stop. It was distressing enough that I still remember it. My older sister and I still mention it to mum and dad as adults (we are both in our 30s) just so we can make them feel as uncomfortable now as we did then.
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A similar thing happened to me (a few times) when I was little to both my sister and I. The fact we remember and still have remnants of distress make me feel like it is the wrong thing. I get it’s hard when you have kids, but there are other ways.
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I walked in on my parents having sex a few times, I don’t remember being that distressed by it. Maybe a bit embarrassed, but not distressed. Now as an adult with children, and knowing how hard it is to find time to connect as a couple, it makes me feel good knowing they were still having sex after all those years and children.
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I agree with you Renee.
I think it’s actually really comforting to see parents act lovingly towards each other, even in private.
Growing up, nudity in our family was a given. I recall one time walking in on my parents, and they did stop and chat to us, and we continued right on into their bathroom.
I look back now and laugh, as I clearly had no idea what was going on. Just thought my parents were hot on a Sunday afternoon and decided to have a nap nude.
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All I can think when I read this is get over it. Isn’t it better that your parents were making things ‘rock’ because they were loving each other rather than making things ‘rock’ because they were being abusive to each other. The uncomfortableness is your shit – not theirs.
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No Melissa they were kids and were exposed to something they shouldn’t have been! As parents they should be responsible and make sure sex is something private between them not in front of their kids!
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Melissa – there is middle ground between sex in front of your kids and domestic violence. Eg sex in private!
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How totally ridiculous! How could it be damaging to a baby? A baby wouldn’t have any concept of what you were doing, and they would certainly have no notion of it being a sexual act so how could they be damaged by it? If a couple don’t want to have sex with a baby in the room because they find it off putting that’s fine, but I cant see how it would in any way affect the baby.
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DING DING DING!
We have a winning comment
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I’m pleased so many people agree with your very sensible comment. I was reading this post last night on my phone (so couldn’t see the thumbs up), and was worried that all common sense had been lost!
Sex and physically intimacy are important parts of most relationships. SIDS prevention guidelines recommend babies sleep in a cot in their parents room for the first year. So it’s hardly surprising that sometimes (quiet) sex happens in the same room as a sleeping baby.
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I’m pleased too. People seem to want to create such a sanitary world for children these days. We can’t let them be embarrassed or frightened or scared or confronted. I think better their first encounter with sex be witnessing what goes on between their parents than what they might find far too early on the internet.
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My husband and I went on a one month camping trip around the top end of W.A. and we had plenty of sex in the tent while out 7 year old and our 4 year old were asleep.
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We did the same up the coast of WA from Perth to Broome. We were swagging with the kids on beaches and in national parks and the idea of them (then 8 & 10) waking up and catching us at it was too off-putting for words. For the first week, anyway
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so the second week, didn’t matter?
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We got over ourselves. And onto each other
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some people think kids don’t wake up. THEY DO.
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Yes, they do! I remember staying with my divorced dad on weekends and having to listen to him having sex with his various girlfriends, when I was 8-9 years old. I found it a tad uncomfortable then. My husband and I haven’t yet navigated our “first time” with our 8-week-old in the room
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Aah! They could easily wake up and be disturbed by this! And how can you relax with your kids sleeping next to you? I don’t get it at ALL
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Sex can be very primal where you rage violent love upon one another and your resulting orgasm is very noisy. Or it can be a slow, gentle, quiet intermingling of bodies and joining of souls as you spoon together under the cover of blankets.
Both types of love making, even though different are equally satisfying. If you are in a tent with two children sleeping close by obviously you chose sex option nymber 2.
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I still don’t think it is appropriate to have sex in close proximity to school age children. I find you are thinking about yourselves instead of considering what is best for the kids.
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I still don’t think it is appropriate to have sex in close proximity to school age children.
I think that it’s appropriate to bring your children up with the notion that sex between partners in a loving relationship is a perfectlly normal and healthy part of life.
My children were asleep. The tent was dark. The lovemaking very quiet and peaceful. If my four year old had woken up to want to go to the toilet or something, I would have gently disengaged from my husband under the covers, slipped on clothes in the dark and taken her to the toilet.
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I don’t know too much about the issue Josie, but I love the way you write. Do you have a blog somewhere to which I could subscribe?
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I don’t know too much about the issue Josie, but I love the way you write. Do you have a blog somewhere to which I could subscribe?
I do but it’s on Live Journal and it’s locked to my Live Journal friends list. On it I write on such things as my memories of a childhood growing up in the wilds of the West Australian Goldfields.
Due to some of my adventures I prefer to keep it locked, both from the people of my old hometown and from my own children.
If you were/are on Live Journal I would/will give you access, but that’s the only way that you can access it.
Sorry
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Elle, it sounds like you don’t have kids. Correct me if I’m wrong. Your comments suggest that we should lie stiff as a board and hyper alert while our kids sleep. Come on, sleep is a basic need, just as affection is. Should we sacrifice intimacy because we have kids?
I also went camping for 6 weeks with my then boyfriend and my kids are not scarred by the experience.
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I am not talking about sleep at all. And I am not talking about sacrificing intimacy! I never mentioned either of these things!
All I am talking about is that sex in close proximity to kids isn’t appropriate.
And yes I have a daughter and have never had sex in the same room as her.
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Thats how it comes across. Honestly, kids wake up and walk into their parents room after a nightmare at times. I’ve been interrupted in such a manner. It happens. We’re clearly going to have to agree to disagree on this.
You realise that the wheel has turned when a knock on your adult child’s door let’s you know your adult child is having sex with his/her partner.
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And here I am being bullied for having sex with 1 child next to us! HA! Good on you! I’m so glad I’m not the only outcast here!
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We never thought we would. Our friends would tell us stories of pilling up the pillows so their little one couldn’t see (and they couldn’t see him) and we were always saying that was gross. We then had a little one recently ourselves and found ourselves doing the same thing.
He slept in a co-sleeper until 4 months and we only did it while he was asleep. We thought it would be awkward and off-putting but it wasn’t.
I believe it filled the room with love energy and that could only be a positive thing for a newborn baby.
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In a similar vein, my2yr old this week went to climb into our bed after removing his nappy and pajama pants like dada. I think toddlers pick up more than we think. Still not sure how I feel about it except to laugh at the time.
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lol! what a gorgeous funny story!
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I’m not a fan of co sleeping. So I find the idea a bit off putting. To me sex when a baby is in the room in bassinet or cot is ok. Older children in the bed is not ok (for me). I would feel a bit weird if my 18 month old or 3 year old were in the bed with us while we had sex and I don’t think I’d be able to concentrate on or enjoy what I was doing because I’d be too afraid of waking them!
That’s what’s works for me.
I just wonder at what age of the child do other people draw the line.
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I have to agree with you. I didn’t do the whole co sleeping thing in fact my first daughter was only in our room in a bassinette for the first 3weeks and with my second due any day have decided to just put her straight in her room. I wouldn’t feel comfortable having sex with my children in the same room. Either I would experiment outside the bedroom or refrain from it all together. Sex is a personal private activity, one that I want to enjoy not worry if I’ll wake up my kids.
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Heck, I did it with the child still inside of me! Not sure how much closer to the action one can get than that! Only awkward when bubby got active
Not sure about it whilst children in the bed, never had to tackle that scenario……but I only share that purely from an OH&S view point though 
……and it’s not like I did an Ana and yelled out incoherently whilst the babies slept soundly in the bassinet beside the bed……I think it’s a personal choice, not something someone can write an article about and subsequently brand one camp intolerable and the other acceptable.
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I also had sex in the third trimester. I’m sure he heard and felt more than when he was a tiny newborn in his bassinet next to the bed!
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Seriously, each to their own. If you don’t like – don’t do it. If you do – then go ahead. Why concern ourselves or judge parents with this kind of rubbish? Oh and for the record, given we co-sleep I wonder just how baby number 2 was created!
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I, presumably like most parents, had our children in a bassinette in our room as newborns – 12 weeks. If we didn’t have sex while our baby was in the room then when would we have sex? Reconnecting sexually after having a baby is really important to stop you taking on the “I’m a Mummy I can’t be a sexual being” role. Seriously who remembers anything from the first 12 months of their life?
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I don’t have kids but I won’t even do it if the dog is in the room.
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Are you for real? Do you realise that there are people around the world in developing countries, living in refugee camps etc. who do not have the first-world luxury of a bedroom door, let alone a separate room for sleeping.
Some people in this world do not have the choices available to them that we do in Australia. It’s a great disappointment to read dribble from someone who has not even considered this side of the “issue”.
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I remember that kiddo #1 had actually fallen asleep in her cot one afternoon and her Dad and I were both up for a bit of afternoon delight. I also remember becoming aware of said kiddo now wide awake, standing inside the cot and clapping and laughing just at THAT moment. At least we were all having fun!
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Rotfl
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Well if some journalist says her “gut feeling” is that it’s bad for kids, that must be true
I’m not a parent, but my “gut feeling” is baby in the room, OK, baby in bed, a bit odd. Though logically speaking I don’t know why, because it’s not as if the baby knows/cares/is going to remember one way or the other.
I’m 20 and I laugh when my Mum makes little sexual innuendos around my Dad. I think it’s nice they still love each other so much etc. I think it’s good for kids to be raised around parents with a reasonable attitude towards sex.
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Nup. No thank you.
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Can’t comment yet about the kids, but I doubt it would be an issue for us. Not in the bed with us, but in the room, no problems.
We often have sex while the dog is laying on the bed…she gives us the filthiest look and stalks off to the couch.
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Hehe… We tell the dogs it’s “mummy and daddy time”… and they get off the bed and onto the floor.
Older cat won’t move though. he just sits at the end of the bed and gives us dirty looks
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My dog barged into the bedroom and watched from the side of the bed during fun-times with my ex: I went into fits of hysterical laughter as my ex got stage fright LOL I still laugh when I think it “I can’t do with the dog watching me” LOL
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If they are in the same bed how do they not get waken. They must be very smooth operators.
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In the same room, if it’s a baby (under 12 months) I don’t see a big deal… I get a bit of a yucky feeling at the idea of them being in the same bed though (any age) – if the baby was in a bassinett or cot then I don’t see it as a big deal. It reminds me of the episode of Sex and the City where Charlotte freaks out about Miranda’s kid catching her in the act and Miranda says “He doesn’t know what he saw, he doesn’t know where his nose is!”
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I don’t have kids but our dog watches with waaaaayyy too much interest if the mood happens to take us in his presence. It puts me off a bit to be honest.
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Haha. I have 2 cats that are the same!
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He full on stares at us with his head to one side. Pervy old thing.
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My dog tries to rescue me when I start getting a bit vocal!
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Same room yes. Same bed NO!
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My daughter slept in our room until she was a year old and our 7 month old is still in our room and again will be until he is about 12 months old. If we did not have sex with them in the room when they were babies there would have been a lot less sex happening which may have had an impact on our relationship.
There is a big difference between having sex with a baby in the room and an older child. I would not want our 7 year old daughter to see us having sex but my son is too young to understand what we are doing. We have sex when he is asleep and very, very rarely has he woken up.
My parents had sex in the same room as me when I was a baby and I have to say I don’t remember it and have not been tortured by the thought of it for my adult life.
I do think it is important that children grow up understanding that sex between a couple is just a normal part of life and not something that should be hidden away as though it is shameful. There is a middle ground between pretending parents don’t have sex and not letting older children see parents in the actual act.
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Food for thought…?
S11 and 13. Engaging in sexual activity in presence of child – youth
Date Updated: January 2012
Title: Sexual offences
Offence: Engaging in sexual activity in the presence of a child (Youth only)
Legislation: Sexual Offences Act 2003 S11 & S13
Commencement Date: 01/05/2004
Mode of Trial: Grave Crime (Section 139 & Para. 43 Schedule 6 Sexual Offences Act 2003)
Statutory Limitations & Maximum Penalty: On Indictment -5 years imprisonment
Summary Conviction – 6 months imprisonment and/or statutory maximum fine
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I think a judge would only use this in context. Hardly an offence to have sex while your baby is asleep in the same room.
Very different to have children awake watching who are old enough to remember and awake.
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I just looked up what you added – it came from the Crown Prosecution website in the UK. Thankfully I live in Australia.
It also states:
These offences involve intentionally, and for the purpose of obtaining sexual gratification, engaging in sexual activity in the presence of a person under 16, or a person with a mental disorder, knowing or believing that person to be aware of the activity.
As I put in my above comment only my children under 12 months have been in the room when we had sex and therefore I do not believe they would be aware of the activity. As I also said there is a big difference between a baby under 12 months being in the room and an older child. I would not allow my eldest child to be in the room.
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Thanks Anon. Gotta love it when people selectively quote things which don’t apply to the discussion to make an unrelated point!
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Gosh there must be a lot of criminals out there. Just about everyone I know has walked in on their parents and therefore subjected to watching a sexual act. Any wonder so many of us have issues!
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My parents decided the best way for my sister and I to learn about sex was to watch them. We were 8 & 10 at the time. Uncomfortable yes but has it scarred us no.
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Nooooooo! It’s too weird. In the bed with you is so gross I don’t even want to think about it, all those body fluids…urgh! Poor kids. Plus, I don’t particularly want to be so quiet I don’t wake them. Nothing like a crying baby to kill the mood
There are other rooms in the house, and other times to get jiggy with it in peace!
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I remember waking up in bed with my parents having sex when I was 3? maybe? I was less then impressed and pretended I was asleep. But hardly scared for life. Mammals mate. What is the big deal?
I say with babies where is the problem? it is not like they will remember anyway. Past 12month and it is getting a bit iffy though.
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I don’t have moral outrage about the idea, but I don’t/didn’t have sex with my kids in the room. Sex with my husband is something intimate between the two of us, and I think having someone else there – who isn’t involved
– takes away from the experience.
I also have a hard time being quiet, and once that baby is asleep there is no way I’m risking waking them!
We have a lock on our bedroom door, and one on the hallway so the front half of the house can be ours after bedtime. I highly recommend it!
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I’m with you laws for clouds. I have trouble even thinking about being intimate with my baby in the same room for the first 6 mths, sleeping or not. You want to focus on each other and relax, not be paranoid about the bub waking in the middle of it. Its important to maintain intimacy with your partner, but it can be difficult when you have a curious toddler and demanding baby! I’ll definately be putting a lock on the door once bub moves into her own room, but until then you just have to be creative/sneaky, try other rooms or go on hot dates while the kids are babysat! But thats just me.
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Gosh some people are so dramatic!! I’m sure it’s not love-making with acrobatics, props and the bed head banging away!!!!! It could even be a loving, tender moment of sheer joy and happiness between two parents with their bub in the cot nearby. Imagine the warmth, blisfful energy and love in the room. Sounds beautiful to me.
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In Australia having a child watch or be exposed to a sexual act IS against the law and IS classed as sexual abuse…
Think before you act. Those who think its ok really are just being incredibly selfish and lazy – get up, go to another room, wait until the child is out of the room…
There is a reason children cannot be subjected to watching/ experiencing sexual acts and it is not to simply stifle your sex life!
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The question is relating to a baby in the room not an older child. There is obviously a big difference. I was advised to keep our baby in our room to reduce the risk of SIDS.
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I have been told the same re SIDS and our 8 month old is in a cot in our room. Honestly, your damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
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If they are asleep how are they ‘watching or experiencing’ a sexual act?
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For me it would be completely not cool. Kids can understand that sex is healthy and normal without being in the presence of their parents having it! Especially while in the same bed! It just screams wrong to me & I’d never be in the mood with my kids there! From my knowledge co-sleeping is not rec anyway right? Due to the risk of SIDS etc.
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I think you’ll find that there are a lot more SIDS cases of children who sleep in a cot
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Well the SIDS guidelines rec babies have their own cot in the same room as parents. There has been lots of research into safe sleeping so I’m inclined to take their advice rather than risk it.
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I am pretty sure that co-sleeping is against SIDS guidelines isn’t it?
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SIDS recommend babies to sleep in their parents rooms for 12 months, either in a cot or “co sleeper” (cot that has a side drop down completely right next to parents bed. If thhe parents co sleep, they advise to not take medication/drugs that will cause drowsiness, put baby in a spot he/she can roll in between bed and wall,not cover baby with adult bedding, or cover baby’s head.
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a baby under 12 months of age in the room is ok as long as they are asleep. A baby in the bed, no way.
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More times then I can remember when they have been in a crib in my room (as in up to six months) asleep or awake (them … and in some cases I may have been verging on asleep too). In my bed as little babies a few times. And with sleeping toddlers in my room too (but not in my bed). Clearly this is the time for quiet, gentle under the cover sex.
Also during the day in my room when my older children have been awake and clearly *not* in my room. Is this supposed to damage them too?
Disclaimer: No critism for those not comfortable doing it! I do understand that.
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Actually did it once with one foot on each bassinette , with twins. They have absolutely no concept of what is going on, and I had to keep them asleep somehow! But each person to their own. And hasn’t every kid caught their parents at some stage?
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You’re amazing!
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Thanks, it worked! What I find positive about this is how many women still want sex! I was worse after kids! And all of them have caught me at some stage! They’re not scarred!
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I think it’s a case of each to their own, but as for my partner and I, neither of us ever felt comfortable with it. We co-slept with all our babies, and no, we didn’t just stop having sex, we just had sex in other rooms of the house. We would also make the most of any child free opportunity we had, and in some ways I think that really helped us to be creative and spontaneous during a time where those things typically go out the window.
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we do, not with the baby in the bed, but in his cot which is in our room – no issue at all with that. The baby is asleep, and even if he woke he wouldn’t be able to see up on to the bed – and we make sure we’re quiet.
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I’ve had sex with someone while their child (only a toddler) was asleep in the same room…we were away for the weekend and her daughter was with us…she was asleep, and we had sex…I don’t see any harm in that…
I don’t think I would feel comfortable having sex in front of a child that was awake though…or older…
Of course, the other question is, do you have sex in front of your pets…? Our cats leave the room in a huff when we get to it…
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My cats have never been “exposed” to that, even when the husband was alive. But me in bed is usually code for them to go to bed . . . with me.
Diesel needs to be the centre of attention, so I can’t imagine he would take kindly to me getting attention in the boudoir. But stuff him, if I’m getting some, he can sleep on the couch!!
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nobody should feel comfortable having sex in front of a child that is awake . Shouldn’t even have to think about it.
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Our dogs are trained to get off the bed and leave us alone when we say “mummy and daddy time”. They’ll often stay in the room, on the floor.
It was a tricky thing to train… we had to teach them that it wasn’t a bad “go away”, if you know what I mean, which usually involved calling them back afterwards. But it is possible, and now we have no trouble
Doesn’t bother them (even though two of them don’t really know what *sex* is because they were sterilised before they reached puberty…)
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Because it is not something kids should be exposed to.
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That is revolting. This is why I worry about leaving my kids with people. It’s not just the sex so much, it’s that you were thinking of yourself over MY child.
YUK.
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You weren’t there…
I was dating someone who had an eighteen month old baby…we decided to go away for the weekend together…
That night, we discussed whether it was alright to have sex with her daughter in the room…I was prepared not to, but she said that her daughter was so tired that it was unlikely that she would wake up, but that we should be as quiet as possible…
…my girlfriend wanted to have sex with me, we discussed whether it would be Ok or not…we made a decision together, but at all times I made it clear that it was her decision…if she felt comfortable with it, so would I…
How dare you accuse me of just “thinking of myself”…you weren’t there…you have no idea what occurred…
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She is talking about thinking of the child not the mother!
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Yes…I knew that when I replied…and I explained that we DID put the child’s welfare first…we made a considered decision as adults that we were comfortable with…
Again…her daughter was tired from a big day out and sound asleep…we were discreet…we were careful…no harm was done…so what’s the issue?
And again, I don’t appreciate people making blanket statements about a situation that they had absolutely nothing to do with…
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Wow – judgmental much?
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So Sonia thinks that even sleeping babies are affected, but she doesn’t say HOW she thinks this happens. Babies are dopey blobs with jelly brains for at least 6 months, aren’t they? Maybe after that, once they start to develop an understanding of the world, then the whole jiggy business moves into a bit of a grey area.
ps. Clearly I do not have children (you’d rarely catch a mother referring to babies as having jelly brains), however I’ve worked with kids of all ages for about 10 years.
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I have 4 kids, and I completely agree re jelly brains. I’ve always said that babies are like little blobs that you mold to suit your own family. Of course they have personality, but regardless they still learn to fit into whatever environment you give them.
Perhaps this attitude is why we have 4 kids…
On the issue in the article, I don’t see what the issue is. Hubby and I have had sex while I’ve been breastfeeding – it’s the ultimate multitasking, we joke that I’m useful at both ends!
It becomes an issue when they are older. “why are you two in the shower with the door shut” says 7yo. “why can’t i come in your bed NOW” says 6yo. Etc, etc…
But each to their own. Everyone is an individual and can live their life as they please.
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You’re incredible! I hope I’m that relaxed when I have kids (maybe less than 4.. i’m not sure I have the energy to cope with 4)!
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I dont think it matters to have sex in the same room as a sleeping baby but actually having sex while breastfeeding….now that makes me sick! So, so wrong in so many ways. Why can’t you wait? Seriously wrong….
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I doubt they’re having hardcore S&M sex during breastfeeding! I imagine it’s lovely, gentle, vanilla sex at a time like that. Parents have a hard time finding the right time to have sex, not just because babies are time-consuming, but also because it’s often difficult to find an opportunity where both mum and dad (or mum and mum, or dad and dad, for that matter!) feel in the mood. It won’t harm the babies at all, and it can be really important in sustaining the parents’ relationship.
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I never said that Elissa. ANY sex is wrong while bf. I’m a parent too & I just can not imagine my baby sucking on a breast (which during the act of sex is an erotic component) while my husband is at the ‘other end’ having intercourse. Now don’t get on your high horse & say that I’ve likened bf to sexual arrousal. I’m not saying that at all, but let’s face it, our breasts are generally are a part of sex and to have a baby being nourished while it’s parents are in the act makes me sick. I wish Mamamia would do a poll on this because I dare say I would not be alone by a long shot!
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Oh stop judging, anon mum thanks for sharing. If people feel judged they won’t make the comments on here and we won’t get the great range of opinions and experiences I know I personally love reading on Mamamia.
I’m guessing if she was breastfeeding the child would have been too young to take any notice and if it wasn’t written on here maybe no-one would have ever know except her and her partner. Each to their own. I say get it when you can.
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I think this is a matter of personal preference/choice, and I do get where you’re coming from. All I meant with the S&M joke was that some people hear “sex” and immediately connect it to something dirty and lewd, whereas I think new parents will simply be sharing tender, loving moments at an important time in their relationship – and they shouldn’t be shamed for that!
As for me, my breasts have never been an erogenous zone… I know that’s probably weird, but they just do nothing for me sexually. Believe me, I’ve tried! Therefore, I personally can’t see anything wrong with breastfeeding while having sex, because the two acts wouldn’t be connected at all for me. And who knows about Anon Mum? Maybe she’s simply a good multitasker/compartmentaliser? Whatever the case, it’s up to her and her partner to decide what’s right for them and their bub.
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Uh, I was too tired and too leaky to ever have sex whilst there was a baby young enough to be in our room. Hmmm 10 years later I am still too tired!
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I’ve had sex about 3 or 4 times when my baby was sound asleep in a bassinet next to our bed.. He would have been between 3 and 4 months olds at the time..
I figure he’s in a deep sleep and even if he did wake up he’d have no idea what we were doing and either go back to sleep or if he needed milk or a dummy then sex would obviously stop immediately.
Now that he is 1 if he was in the room with us I’d be hesitant to have sex as he’s getting older and definitely no morning sex haha hed be wide awake and waking up to his parents having sex ! Haha
So I think under 6 months in the middle of the night its fine to
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Oh my God, what a storm in a teacup! Yes, I have made love to my husband while my babies were asleep in the room – occasionally while they were in the bed. I’m not talking about 5 year old children – more like a 5 month old that wants to breastfeed every two hours and who is in the bed with me just so that I can get some sleep.
Both of my children slept in bassinetts, cots and then toddler beds in my room until they were 2.5 (now 5 and 3). If I didn’t have sex with my husband with my children in the room, we probably wouldn’t have had sex.
It is definitely one of those things that I could never have imagined prior to having my children – it would have been in the ‘no way’ category. But, as with many things involving having children, the reality is a very different thing. I can confidently say that my children have not been harmed or damaged by being in the same room as infants when their parents were having sex. I’m not talking about head-banging, screaming, monkey sex, but a loving and intimate moment between two adults.
My children shower with both my husband and myself – they regularly see us naked and they bath together. There are times when we ‘tag team’ showers so that people are hopping in and out all over the place, and my children wouldn’t think twice about this. Even if they were to wake up and and walk in on us making love now, they would not have any concept of what is happening under the covers – it is far more discreet than four naked people hopping in and out of the shower when we are in a rush.
One last thing – kids are not harmed by their parents having a health, normal adult sexual relationship. Kids are harmed by sex being mysterious and embarrassing, by sex being a dirty secret and by not having good people in their lives showing them indirectly what a healthy relationship looks like. I’m not ashamed for my children to grow up knowing that I enjoy making love to their dad – we have a good relationship that I hope both of my children get to experience one day.
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I don’t think it would harm my kids and we do all the same shower tag teaming – but there is no way I could relax enough to do the deed with them in the room.
But I’m also that person who found it freaky weird once pregnant enough to feel them move.
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Bravo. Totally agree!
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Yep, this is us.
I have 3 kids, aged 12, 6 and 3. They see the human body as a normal natural thing.
When on an overseas camping holiday for 2 months, we had sex with the kids in the same tent. They are asleep – what do they know? How exactly is it harming them?
It is only as big an issue as we make it.
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Your comment is lacking a comma…
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If you could be bothered having sex in the 2 hours between night feeds then I take my hat off to you. I just want to sleep!
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Hear, hear, couldn’t agree more. If sex weren’t so taboo the world would be a better, happier place. I grew up knowing my parents had sex, I’m sure they did it plenty of times while I was asleep in their room as a bub and I caught them plenty of times as a kid as well. I think it’s cool that they provided me with a great role model to enjoy a loving, playful, respectful sexual relationship.
What does everyone think people used to do when people lived in caves/one-room huts? Clearly sex happened because here we all are…!
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Totally agree. I have children the same age and could’ve written this…
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Also, LOOK AT THOSE TEENY TINY FEET IN THE PHOTO!! Nyaawwwwww, so cute!! Ovaries are hurting….
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That’s EXACTLY what I was most moved by reading this piece! The little teeny weeny feet! So cute.
Don’t have kids, but don’t have a problem with this at all. I imagine that intimacy after a baby is really important to nurture – there has to be some kind of subconscious cognition that the baby isn’t ‘aware’, so the sex doesn’t feel that weird even if it’s awake.
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Haha I thought the same thing! My uterus just clapped her hands!
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I personally think its wrong and would NEVER have sex with my child in the room!
I am curious to the people who do though….. How big is your bed?? When my son jumps in with us in the morning, it fees like we’re in a can of sardines! It’s a mission to even roll over!
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If your son’s able to jump in the bed, he’s probably beyond the age when people are talking about having sex with their kiddies in the room!
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He doesn’t literally jump in bed with us… He’s 1.
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I don’t think its a problem for other people, but me – no way hose-ay.
That rule extends to the dog and any comfort toys. I once made eye contact with “Frank”, Red Rocket’s faithful companion whilst in the act and had to stop and return him to her room I was so freaked out.
I’d personally prefer my children where in another hemisphere or at the very least another house before we partake in the making of the love.
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Re-reading that I’ve clearly seen Toy Story, (1, 2 and 3) waaay too often…
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I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s a baby. Remember when you were a baby? No? Neither do I. I think there’s a difference between having sex while there is a baby in the room (asleep), and having sex while your eight year old is in the room playing Wii.
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I’d be afraid of waking the baby up after the effort of putting him/her to sleep!
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Exactly! Ours sleep in their own rooms (and always have except for the first few weeks), and even then we’ve been interrupted by a wailing toddler at some VERY inopportune moments. Either we’ve woken them (even being ninja-quiet), or they’ve just sensed some fun being had in the way that only kids can, and decided to be jerks…
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How else would the families who have to all sleep in one room with their parents and children have so many children?
It would be weird to have the baby in the actual bed though.
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^^^ this
it’s a first world sensibility
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I would go further and say it is an English-speaking world thing. Cosleeping is so common in the rest of the world, first world, third world, all over the world! My Japanese friends find the idea of cots and nurserie’s bizarre and confusing, family bed all the way. Do we really think no one in the rest of the world who has children ever has sex in their beds again?
In my personal experience with 2 little boys, we have had sex several times with one of them asleep in their cot or bassinet in our room, only once with bub in the bed but guess what, it’s possible to be quiet and even relatively still, whilst being intimate. I actually think an adult could have been in the bed with us and not known anything was going on. Sex isn’t always loud and crazy, sometimes it is small and sweet and intimate.
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you’re right…and it’s probably a hangover from the Victorian era
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yes
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Disclaimer: I do not have children, nor do I live with my boyfriend full-time, what I say below is my opinion at this point in time, etc. etc.
I think it’s fine. It’s important for children to understand that sex is normal, and part of a healthy and loving relationship. If you stigmatise sex, they’ll grow up thinking that sex is something to be hidden and not talked about. That’s not the view I’d want my children to have.
Besides, sometimes my cat sleeps on my bed when my boyfriend and I get jiggy, and there’s nothing weird about that.
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Nothing wierd at all unless the cat decides to “investigate” what is going on
I don’t see any problem if there’s a baby in the room. Its not like its going to understand or be disturbed by what is going on anyway.
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Cats are curious creatures
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I get what you’re saying…but with sex being fine as a *general* concept. As far as my own parents are concerned, I’d rather stay in complete denial, and think that their rock-solid marriage of 35+ years is due solely to a shared love of gardening
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haha agree Crackerpants! complete denial all the way. of course as kids we assume sex is going on, but seeing parents in the act doesn’t assist us to think sex is normal, healthy etc.
Parents please don’t let your children see you if you can help it! Gross.
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Lol I used to kick my ex’s dog out of the room because he was totally watching haha
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yes sex is normal, but children do not need to see their parents having sex. It is NOT OK and should never happen.
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They can’t see you. They’re asleep. That’s the point of the article…
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