Kristina Keneally
If you’re a leader, you have a choice. Being there for your kids, or being there for your job.
But you can’t have it both ways. Not now, not tomorrow.
That’s the message from writer, former political advisor and politician’s wife Cassandra Wilkinson who says she’s been there and seen just how impossible it is to balance everything and do it well.
Former New South Wales Premier Kristina Keneally and Cassandra’s old boss tweeted this last night:
“I suspect the sisterhood won’t like it, but Cass makes some excellent observations re leadership & parenting.”
Cassandra writes:
“Tasmanian Lara Giddings said recently being pregnant and giving birth while being a political leader was the last taboo. She characterised the achievement of such a milestone as the next frontier to follow electing women, electing mothers and women having children while in high office.
As a woman whose children had a politician for a father for eight years; as a woman who has many friends who are MPs with kids; and as a woman who worked for a political leader who was a mother, I hope nobody is in a rush to break this last barrier.
When my husband was elected, one MP’s wife said, “Welcome to the widow’s club.” I’m happy to say that after two terms our marriage was stronger than ever but it was also true that my children saw their father only two or three nights a week for eight years. That’s not uncommon in a state marginal seat and for federal politicians, a Canberra office makes it far worse.
As a politician you may love your spouse and children as fiercely as any poet but you can’t cheat the nights. Parliament sits late, school parents and citizens associations meet, angry mobs expect an audience, ribbons need to be pinned and plaques dedicated.”
But it’s babies, she says, that are the real deal breaker.
She says not even Kristina Keneally, whose children were ‘well into their primary years’ could have managed the Herculean workload of being Premier if she’d had a newborn in her care.
“One afternoon I joined a group of younger colleagues discussing their enthusiasm for running for office. My suggestion they wait until after they had children was met with scorn; we can do it, look at her they said. I did look at her and always found something to admire. But I didn’t envy her even once as I walked out the door to do the school run, leaving the more ambitious to find reasons to be seen lingering into the night.”
What do you think, are there some jobs where ‘having it all’ is just an empty phrase?
Comments
149 Comments so far
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It’s not what I would choose because I choose to stay at home with my kids. But it’s not impossible. Surely the dad could stay at home as the mum worked as a leader?
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There is far less scrutiny on men and many male politicians have babies whilst working. As others have commented, there is no law that the mother be the parent that stays at home. The double standard that society imposes is what makes things difficult for women.
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I think Enid from Sex and the City said it best, “That’s the key to having it all: stop expecting it to look like what you thought it was going to look like”
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Amazing that in 2012, parenting responsibilities are still seen to fall principally on the mother. And while an father working long hours is seen as ambitious and a good provider, a mother who does the same is simply a neglectful and uncaring mother.
I know lots of women who “have it all” – they have excellent support systems in place, and, more often than not, a partner who takes a more active role than usual in childrearing. Obviously not everyone has this option, but quite frankly I think the above is defeatist bullshit.
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What rubbish – multitasking is what we do! And instead of dismissing the chance for a woman to be a successful mother and careerist, why don’t we ask where all the supportive fathers are? Afterall, if the mother is an MP, that wage is more than enough to live on,,,
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I think you can be a leader with a newborn at home, providing you’ve got a partner. You might not get to enjoy your baby as much, or see it as much, but this is the reality for plenty of dads.
I guess if you were a single mum you could leave your bub with a nanny or relative, but I think it would be political suicide. As long as a loving parent (and that’s how the parent would be referred to, always) is at home, I think the electorate would take it.
It’s a personal choice. If you think that this is your one shot at leadership like maybe Sarah Palin did, then you might give up some newborn time. I think people used her baby as ammunition against her though.
As parents my husband and I are committed to having a full time parent at home. This hasn’t always been mummy.
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Working late nights, travelling often, public scrutiny. It’s not a job I would want – but surely there are some fathers out there willing to sacrifice/change their own careers to support their wives should they choose a demanding career? I am thinking of my cousin – stay at home dad to a gorgeous girl, while his wife is an obstetrician undergoing further training.
Why are we assuming that the women would be doing the brunt of the home duties alongside their political ambitions?
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EXACTLY! I hate how the debate always assumes mothers HAVE to be the primary carer – and ignore how many men ‘have it all’
How about we talk about sharing the load more? How about we talk about fathers who support their partners career ambitions? How about we all just shut up about GENDER!?
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And I’m sure that once things are actually equal, we WILL shut up about it.
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The point kate makes is that this should not be about gender. it is also not an equality (female =victim) issue either. It is about choice and life balance, and from where I sit, the focus should be on fighting for men to have more choice and flexibility, like women have, rather than seeing this as a female issue.
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It shouldn’t be, but it still is – if it wasn’t, we’d all happily shut up about it.
But the fact is, the expectations of women as leaders are still different from the expectations of men as leaders; the political workplace is still set up to favour the people with fewer caring responsibilities – which sorry, but despite some couples bucking the trend, is still largely women – there are still systemic inequities, which is why some of us are still talking about gender. Even if some of you would prefer we all shut up and pretended everything was equal now.
I know feminism’s unfashionable theses days, but sheesh! You have to recognise reality.
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Perhaps you misunderstand my post, because it can’t possibly be said I’m not a feminist. I consider myself a Feminist with a capital F.
I don’t think we are equal – but in my opinion we never will be equal in the workplace until we start making men equal in the home.
This is a feminist issue – I am a feminist, and this is a feminist response.
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I think this is getting out of order but this is in response to kateateight at 5.03pm – I agreed with the rest of what you said (although I don’t think it’s just up to individual women) but saying we should all shut up about gender – well, it would be nice to be able to is all I’m saying. The reality is, things are still not equal, and so we shouldn’t just shut up about gender and leave it to individual families to work out, because that doesn’t address the STRUCTURAL inequities that women face.