Fairy godmother, anyone?
by JULIA ALEXANDER
Michael Jackson is Nicole Ritchie’s. Brad and Angelina chose U2′s Bono for the twins. Beyonce chose Oprah, (reportedly to Gwyneth’s disappointment). Elton is to Brooklyn Bekcham what Lady Gaga is to Elton’s son (and totally random fact: Jamie Lee Curtis is Jake Gyllenhal’s).
What is the new game of Celebrity Trivia we’re playing? Its called Guess the God parents, and its all about that important but impossible to define role even Posh and Beyonce agonise over who to choose for their off-spring.
I have recently been in the fortunate position of choosing God parents for my son from a pool of equally fabulous but slightly (entirely) less famous friends. Just like most girls have fun considering who their bridesmaids will be prior to becoming engaged, my husband and I had fun mooting names and options of potential candidates while I was pregnant. “Well, such-and-such is a definite, she’s my BEST FRIEND”. “Well, if we have such-and-such, then don’t we also have to have so and so?”.
Suddenly we were “ranking” our friends then pairing them as appropriate God father/mother matches with the same intensity that some families use when arranging marriages. Our discussions ranged from light hearted to quite serious. Who would be the fun one that baby could go to to get in or out of trouble? Who would happily play for hours with him at birthday parties but also still be around by the time of his grade-ten confirmation? Is there anyone we would want to raise him if anything every happened to us?
After some serious deliberation and semi-serious confrontation, we had to stop and take stock. Was this conversation even relevant? With the plethora of helpful and loving grandparents around there’s no chance our children would live with anyone but family. Fun-loving childless friends usually only end up fostering children in rom coms after all, not “real life”.
Beyonce chose Oprah to be Blue Ivy’s godmother
We weren’t even choosing who would pick the tike up and take him to Church every Sunday in his finest. Given the decrease in time the average Australian spends observing their own spirituality, it seems unlikely that the modern God parent is obliged to sponsor a child’s Christian education. Although I myself have the privilege of being God mother to some gorgeous children, I can’t say I have spent much time fostering their religious observance other than trying to given them really cool presents on Christian holidays (so on this note I think Beyonce, as always, made an exceptional choice for Blue Ivy’s God mother in Oprah…. ).
So what then is the significance of a God parent? Is it an important addition to a child’s life, or is it a role about as relevant (but decorative) as the Governor General – you know, a nice title to wear around in return for dressing up and posing at important events in the little one’s life?
Like any modern interpretation of traditions such as marriages, families and education, God parents can take many shapes and forms. From best friends, to grandparents to even nominating God himself, the options are endless in terms of gender, quantity and relationship. Just as Miranda took a red pen to the wording of her son’s Baptism in Sex and the City, Churches these days seem quite flexible in return for the patronage and hope of more bums on seats on Sundays.
Personally we decided not to ask relatives to be God parents as they already have an important role in the child’s life – being “fun Aunty” or “Crazy Uncle” has just as much kudos and bragging rights.
Instead, we decided on special friends of ours who we know will “go the distance” and who each have unique talents and characteristics we hope they can impart on our sons’ live. And if the unthinkable were, however, to occur…there’s a cracker movie-in-the-making starring a hard-partying dentist, nomadic actor, property developer and the 30 year old version of Maggie Beer.
Julie Alexander is a former lawyer, stay at home mum, documentary producer and wannabe Alpha Wife
What is the criteria for choosing a god parent? Do responsibility and spirituality even matter or is it just a case of choosing your BFFS to stand next to you in Church?
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Comments
39 Comments so far
My brother and I (Christened but now not religious) have three godparents each. They are a combination of people my parents felt obliged to ask, asked as a gesture, people they really wanted because they’d be a good influence on us, etc. My brother kind of lucked out in the long run but I have a good relationship with both my godmothers (my one godfather passed away). They have always been acknowledged as a level above regular family friends; they were top of the list for the table at my debutante ball and things like that, and they make an effort to be there for milestones like my 18th and 21st (not married yet!)
I like ballet and so does one of my godmothers, so my mum always says “If you want to go and see a ballet, speak to your godmother” because she doesn’t want to go – it’s nice to have another adult you can ask to take you places! My other godmother lives interstate and when I visit she introduces me to people as her goddaughter, which is nice. I feel like I have more of an honorary place in her home than I do in other family friends’ or even most non-close relatives’ homes (she’s my Dad’s second cousin).
It’s almost like having extra uncles and aunties, but they’re just yours and they take their role more seriously because it’s something they were asked to do, not a by-product of biology or marriage. Two of my brother’s godparents are also an uncle and an aunty, and it seems like his relationship with them is no different than any other uncle and aunty. I definitely feel like the lucky one and he drew the short straw. But then again his third godparent is my Dad’s childhood best friend, who we’ve lost touch with, so you can never really know how things will pan out when you choose them.
My toddler cousin has atheist parents and was given “guardians” at her “naming ceremony.” This is what I intend to do for my children. From my and my brother’s experiences I will be pushing for friends rather than relatives. Asking uncles and aunties seems like short-changing the child by doubling up rather than introducing someone else into their circle – but that’s just my experience, your mileage may vary.
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I was recently asked to be the Godmother of a friend’s daughter, whom I absolutely adore and hope to spoil rotten and generally support her however I can as she grows up. However, as a total atheist, the whole baptism thing (hers I mean) was a bit uncomfortable… It would not bother me in the slightest if she grew up to be religious but I felt I was in an odd position because even if I wanted to (and I don’t) be responsible for her spiritual upbringing I don’t think I could – I would be insincere and I don’t know a huge amount about the faith. However I figure since my friend knows full well I’m an atheist (and weirdly, as far as I know she is too) then I figure she’s happy with that. But this article did get me thinking – I hope I did the right thing in accepting!
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I like the idea of godparents but do think you need to choose carefully. My aunt and uncle are mine, but since losing my mum they seem to have lost the plot and both stopped talking to me, with no explanation. People can be mean, but that’s another story. As an aunt myself, this has only greatened my resolve to look after my own nieces and nephews as much as possible and never let them experience the loss of family members (through selfishness or jealousy) – especially if they, god forbid, ever lost a parent.
The idea of godparents is nice though, as the more people looking out for your kids as they travel through life, the better. Unfortunately every person can’t be relied on (in every individual case) but if you choose well, it’s usually a positive thing. And if the ‘chosen ones’ don’t step up, hopefully there are other friends or family members who can remind your kids of how great they are.
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I love being a godmother! I am to three equally fabulous kids. I don’t have kids of my own so this lot all know they will be looking after me in my dotage.
The idea of godmother is very important thus I invented a new one, Dogmother, and have 2 very dear very dog mad friends who agreed to be my darling greyhounds dog parents.
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Delighted to hear all went well! Ella (and of course all of you!) loekod gorgeous, loved her frock and delighted to hear she was a good girl laughed about the sicking up and funnily enough had thought you would probably dress her last minute as you do- the cake loekod yummy as did Mum’s cupcakes too. Thank you for your blog and photos when you do them will show Nana at the weekend the next best thing to being there!!, much love Aunty Maria xx
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I got told on Saturday night (told, not asked, by the way) that I was booked to be the godparent of one of my friend’s unborn babies. An unborn, un-conceived baby, who doesn’t have a father yet. I asked why, and my friend responded like this, “Because I need someone who is the complete opposite of me to help me mould the kid into a proper human being.” I was floored. I consider my friend to be responsible, caring, intelligent, thoughtful and generous, so what does that make me? Hey? I threw that back at her, and she said, “You’re spontaneous, you’re creative, you’re sweet, you’re funny and you’re brave.” Ok. I’ll take that. I had to promise not to ruin her children with my addictions to diet coke, raspberry slurpees, Beverly Hills 90210 and Bon Jovi, though. I couldn’t promise that.
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My lovely uncle is god father to my youngest brother. As he and his wife were not able to have children of their own, it has been a very special relationship that sometimes caused jealousy as he always got such awesome presents! My godparents have 7 children so no such joy for me! Since my uncle passed away, my brother and his wife treat my aunt (who has no blood relatives in Australia) as a mother figure and do all they can to take care of her. It has now become a relationship where SHE can call on THEM for help and assistance. It has ended up a life long special relationship where both have benefited from the connection.
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That’s really lovely… exactly what God Parents should be and vice versa.
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We are soon-to-be parents and considering the role of Godparents for a while. I am the Godmother to my sisters three beautiful children, and while i live interstate i feel that by being fully present with them when i with them, talking to them about praying, spirit and postive language and being good little people, as well as making sure i speak to them regularly so we have a good relationship – one that they could trust me if they need to say something to an adult and didnt want to tell their parents they could. Is my role as a god parent.
We have chosen my sister to be our child’s god mother and one of my husband’s best friends to be the god father. We chose these people for various reasons. My sister is just a beautful person and one who i think makes a good role model and will love my children unconditionally, like i do hers. My husbands friend is very much a beautiful gentle man, who would make a good role model but also is very spiritual and to me this is important. I was raised catholic and although im not practicing that particular religion now, I am very spiritual and that that stems from catholisism so i will be raising our child to believe in Spirit and our child’s god father has similar beliefs.
I feel that a Godparent should be a good role model, someone who will make the effort to develop a relationship with your child so that they are a trusted and special person in their lives. And I personally i think someone who will encourage their spiritual path – however, understandably for a lot of poeple thats probably not a huge deal.
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I have godparents and my family is the most non religious family you could ever meet! I was baptised (at my grandmothers request) but never went to church etc. My Godparents are significant people in my life and have been there for me since i was born. My godmother is my mums best friend and she has always been there to give me advice, or pick me up from school or look after me when my parents went away. To this day my beautiful godparents are a part of my life and even though im older now, my Godmother always sends me a little birthday present and card and a christmas pressie and calls me. Its nice to know that i have had someone there for me throughout my life looking out for me, i wouldnt change it for anything!
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Thats beautifiul and exactly what i think Godparents should be. A special force in your life who has developed a beautiful and special relationship with you. Very cool they are still involved in your life now.
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My comment was moderated out for being religious I think.
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My comment I wrote last night did not get published, it was not rude or anything but do I assume I broke some commenting rule? Do we get notified if our comment is in breach of the rules?
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Being asked to be a child’s “god-parent” is such a privilege that the definition of “god” is really not the main consideration.
My husband & I are together and individually god-parents to the children of relatives and friends and I’m always gobsmacked to be asked.
One couple of dear friends are lovely Atheists and we’re “Flying Spaghetti Monster ” parents to their little boy, and, because we’re seldom able to see them in person, through the wonder of FaceBook, we’re able to see regular photo updates of his life.
It doesn’t matter to us what people choose to believe because we’re Agnostic/Atheists ourselves and are content to hear about their lives and beliefs too without judgement.
For us, the choice of who to choose as godparents simply came down to “who we would especially like to have in our children’s lives” but certainly no pressure to raise them or have a financial interest in their lives.
I was especially touched by the gesture of one of them though who said “you know, if anything happened to you two, we wouldn’t hesitate to offer to raise your kids” – totally unexpected but heart warming…….
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As a godmother I consider my role to be;
Praying for my godson
Playing with him
Babysitting him and h
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I’ve been thinking about this issue for a few years now. The Godparents role was to help their learning about God, and to be there to look after if the parents died. it doesn’t seem to be either now.
Everyone seems to say now it’s a role to be there for any guidance the child may need – which is nice in theory but it seems to be a role that the parents take when they are young, and selected by the child to whom ever they choose when they are older.
Obviously if you are close to the child you are going to be there no matter whether you have the title of Godparent or not. The unconditional love you have for a child needs no title. And doesn’t determine whether you can help guide them through life or not.
Really it just seems a bit like the parents naming their favourite family members or closest friends.
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I’m a godmother to my eldest niece and also the son and daughter of my, now deceased best friend, their mum is an orthodox Jew and yet she keeps the title for me an I am Auntie Missa to a dozen or so kids that I am not related to. Having said that I am in my older sisters will if (god forbid, sorry I’m superstitious) something happens. Also I’m being lined up for sponsor for the nieces confirmation. I have no interest in organised religion BUT I am not piling that on a 12 year old. So I will smile and nod and help guide her and answer her questions about religion by asking her to investigate and think. I’m a little tired and crazy but just to be clear no argument with your post but there is one person who is a old fashioned godmother.
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My Godparents are my Dad’s best friend, Steve, and his wife, Chris, and my mother’s cousin, Rosetta, and her husband, Ennio.
My logic is that they’re there in case something happens. Like, if my parents disappeared, one of the above pairs of hand would take over and deal with me.
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My Godparents are perhaps the most godless people alive.. therefore they perform the more important role of Claytons aunts and uncles (considering we don’t speak to my real ones!)
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I’m a Godmother and i hope that my Goddaughter will see me as someone who will always be there for her all through her life. It doesn’t have to be religious but I think it’s important to always have someone other than her mum to chat to if she ever needs to. It is a lot of spoiling her and feeding her sugar before sending her home with her mum but it’s also being there for her to get her out of any sticky situations she might ever get into and being another adult who just loves her unconditionally. It’s also supporting and being there for her mum, the fact that i’m her daughter’s Godmum also makes us closer and she knows i’m always there for advice or venting if ever she needs it.
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My son has his Uncle and Aunt as his godparents, they would raise him as we would.
My daughter has 3 godmothers-princesses seem to have 3 fairy godmothers, all aunts.
Both sets of godparents take their roles seriously, and spoil their respective god child excessively.
We chose family as they will always be there and that felt right for us.
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We had a naming ceremony at our eldests first birthday. Instead of god parents (which wasn’t appropriate anyway) we had a fairy god mother and fairy god father (much to our daughters dismay, she is pretty conservative). We didn’t do the same for our youngest (slack parents), so at about age four she decided to choose her own and asked them herself.
We are such lame parents.
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Not lame at all! I have a delightful 3 yr old god daughter who I’m a fairy god mother to, and her younger sister did almost the same thing, it’s a much nicer way to say it, and god daughter loves when the fairies come to stay
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I have godparents – prior to my godfathers passing I saw him maybe three times that I can recall. My godmother, about the same. I hadn’t seen the woman in twelve years and she called to ask why she wasn’t invited to my wedding.
My son does NOT have godparents. But he has a myriad of aunts/uncles (both by relation and by choice) who are a better influence on his life than my godparents were on mine.
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A godparent is there to present as a positive role model for the child.
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Isn’t that what parents are for…?
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Are they allowed more then 2?
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I went to a christening once where there were about 8 god parents … it turned out to be quite hilarious in all honesty for a number of reasons… but as I tried to choke back my laugther at one funny moment, I looked up to see 8 people on the alter doing their best to remain totally serious.
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We plan to baptise our children when we have them and we are not religious although my in-laws are. I was baptised Anglican and my husband is Lutheran and we both have strong relationships with our Godparents.
I don’t see Godparents as spiritual guidance as more of an adult children can talk to and that can help guide them in all aspects of life. I once went to a Christening where there was 8 godparents.
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I’m Catholic so baptising my sons was important to me – as was selecting their godparents who, at the time, were 16 and thrilled to be given the role.With Catholics, godparents are there at the special times, like First Communion, Reconciliation and Confirmation, so for us, godparents were very important.
I don’t get ‘naming days’ however. They seem like a pseudo-baptism for atheists. Seriously, what is the point other than presents and an opportunity to get the family together. Isn’t that what a first birthday is for?
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I agree. Same goes for ‘blessings’. I understand they are common when mum is one religion and dad is another, and neither will give in, but seriously, if you cant agree on which religion your child is going to be I think thats a sign there are bigger issues at play there…
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Tomorrow I am participating in a ‘naming day’ for my niece. Neither parent is religious so there won’t be a baptism, but my sister asked my husband and I to be our niece’s ‘sponsors’. I guess it’s a bit like a god parent but without the religious stuff!
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I cannot imagine why you are looking for god parents for your child? The role hasn’t changed at all, only the perception. If you aren’t looking to have people assist in the spiritual guidance and upbringing of your child, why would you even baptise them? The role is for this, not to be a fun person in their lives. I don’t mean to sound overly critical but I can’t understand why you would go through a religious ceremony that you obviously have no interest in and no inclination to follow on with. Don’t get me wrong, I am not at all religious. But, can’t help but think it’s perhaps offensive to those who are, to have a sacrament treated with such flippancy? Just my two cents.
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I’m not religious, and we didn’t christen my daughter, but she still has 3 godparents. We chose people that we want to be in her life forever and who we want to foster a “special connection” that goes beyond being family friends, and that’s exactly what happened. They’re not really godparents in the traditional sense but we couldn’t think of a better name?! “Special Uncle” sounds a bit odd..
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It’s interesting that YOU chose people that you to be in her life forever. What if it doesn’t turn out that way? I don’t know how old your daughter is, but very often it’s possibly a thing of luck whether these people will remain in your or her life forever(for whatever reason).
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I am always confused about the role of a God parent, ( obviously I dont have any) My thoughts have always been God parents are incharge of the childs spiritual up bringing, but plenty of people seem to think God parents are their if something happens to the parents (ie death) they will step in to fill the role. Any suggestions??
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Godparents have no legal obligation whatsoever. Parents should name guardian in their wills to take care of children if they pass away.
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I can’t see any point of them. We didn’t christen any of our kids
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I have a godmother and I love her to death. Of course, mum has plenty of friends that we’ve known for years and I love but my godmother is a constant. It forms a special bond, saying to someone “If something ever happens to me, THIS is how much I trust you, this is how significant I want you to be in my child’s life.”
Of course they’re not always necessary. I know a major factor for my mum when choosing to have a godparent was that she wasn’t comfortable in any of my grandparents raising me if something happened to her.
My godmother has been my cool aunty. She let me vent about mum when I needed to, and because my nun is very religious and my godmother isn’t, I always felt like I could talk to her about things I couldn’t with my mum.
Sometimes in big, close families godparents aren’t needed. However in my case it was hugely beneficial.
If I have children, I’d like to think I will have someone willing to step up to the chaenge if I think it necessary.
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