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by ELEANOR LIMPRECHT
As I read Mr Chicken Goes to Paris to my five-year-old daughter at bedtime the other night, we came across the section where Mr Chicken looks at his arse in the Hall of Mirrors at Versailles and decides that he must go on a diet.
“What’s a diet?” my daughter asks, screwing up her nose like she does whenever she encounters a new word.
“Umm.” I take a deep breath. As much as the question throws me, I’m also glad she’s never heard the word before. “It’s, kind of, when you don’t eat certain foods.”
“Like nuts? Because you’re allergic? Like the girl at my preschool?”
“That’s one kind of diet, yeah, but there are other kinds too. Let’s see what Mr Chicken does next.”
I turn the page, having fudged my way through a very inadequate explanation. But as I kiss her soft cheek and turn out the light, the question is still with me. And the dilemma: is there any way to keep my daughter from internalising society’s skewed messages about beauty? I haven’t outright banned them but I have managed to prevent too much Barbie or Disney princess paraphernalia from infiltrating our home. How do I keep my five-year-old from wanting to diet, or obsessing about being skinny, or not liking her beautiful, sturdy little body? Thanks a lot, Mr Chicken!
According to a University of Central Florida study, half of all girls between the ages of three and six worry about losing weight. One third would change a physical attribute, such as their weight or hair colour. And this shouldn’t come as a surprise: young girls who worry about their body image are more likely to suffer from eating disorders when they are older.
And while it is always nice to have a scapegoat like “the media” or “society” to blame for this obsession with appearance and being thin, it is actually mothers who have the most influence on their daughters’ body image. Think about it – when we talk about not being able to eat things because they make us fat, or needing to lose extra weight, who do we think will be the first to copy us? Our little girls.
When I discuss this with my girlfriends, I think I was fairly lucky. My mum is short and solidly built, but I can not remember a single instance in my childhood of her saying she was going on a diet. She didn’t complain about her body, except that her feet were too small and she was liable to tip over. I was always pushed to eat more because I was considered too skinny. So if anything, I thought skinniness was a liability when I started school.
School was my first introduction to the world of thin as pretty, and I remember the messages still. The girl in my class who was made fun of because she was “fat”. A teacher telling me that I should really try ballet, because I had the perfect build for it (I was the skinniest kid). And then in year one, I made a best friend, and she was thinner than me. I remember this clearly now – going to her house for a sleepover, trying on a pair of her Jordache jeans and they were too tight. I remember feeling jealous, and somehow too fat. Here was the world of weight as worth: the more you have the less you’re worth. It is not a pretty place to be.
It all got more intense as I got older, of course, with a cousin and a friend who battled anorexia and bulimia. Naturally I stuck my own fingers down my throat to see if I could vomit, but it seemed too hard. In high school friends’ mothers would entice them to go on mother-daughter diets with carrot sticks, low fat yogurt and weight charts. It’s insidious; it’s everywhere. I want to keep it at bay as long as I can.
The next day, I talk to my daughter again.
“Sometimes a diet just means that people are eating healthier foods, like not too many cakes and lollies. But it is better to just eat that way most of the time – not to go on a diet – and to save lollies and cake as occasional treats. Like at parties. The other way we make ourselves healthy is by exercising, by staying strong.”
“I like to exercise,” my daughter says, and then starts to show me a new dance she made up. It involves a somersault, a star jump and some hand waving.
She finishes, watching me expectantly, waiting for my praise.
I clap. Because forget Disney, Barbie, and Mr Chicken – it’s me that she’s watching the most.
Eleanor Limprecht is a writer, reader and book reviewer. To hear an excerpt of a novel she has written, click here. For an online portfolio of her work, click here, and she is on twitter here.
Comments
66 Comments so far
Dear all: Ladies please participate in my study on eating behaviours & disordered eating. You must be 18 years and over. Research is for a great cause!
http://opinio.online.swin.edu.au/s?s=12733
If you think you know anyone else who may be interested please pass the above link on. The survey is brief and all done online and you may just find it a bit interesting! Many thanks
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I think this article is spot on. I grew up with a mum who constantly talked about how ‘fat’ she was (she was 50kilos!) and who’s ‘arms were to fat to wear t-shirts’ and I whole heartedly agree that its the mothers who have the most important role in instilling positive body images. I was a very skinny teenager, and as soon as puberty hit everything changed. Then I adopted the ‘im too fat for everything’ stage. At 27, after hundreds of diets, being underweight, ‘normal’ and pudgy, i STILL suffer daily from poor body image – resulting in bouts of depression. I know that my mum did not mean to cause that and would be heartbroken if she knew the direct implications it has had – but I do know that when i have children, i cannot allow myself to say those things about myself when children are present. They are sponges and absorb everything. It is often unintentional, but i can still hear her saying “oh, i cant wear tshirts, my arms look disgusting” everytime I am in a change room!
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I completely agree! I’m 26 and my mother’s comments about HER weight still impact how I feel about myself. It’s one of the most insidious influences because mum has always been generous with the compliments in my direction so she wouldn’t realise the impact she has had over years of complaining about her reflection. But the ‘logic’ still sticks. Not counting my childhood, I’ve always weighed slightly more than my mum (i’m 49 kg and she’s about 45/46 kg). It is so infuriating when you have someone who is actually lighter than you telling you that THEY are fat so as a teenager you deduce from that you must also be fat, even fatter. Because when you hear it at a very young age, you interpret it as some kind of truth, that becomes your standard and even as you grow up and try to develop your own standard it’s one of those things you can look at through a child’s eyes. It’s so hard to shake. I totally agree with you, ‘daughter’ I will try so hard not to expose my kids to that. I want them to be healthy and happy. I’m also convinced I’ll probably stuff up on some other major area of their development too but we can only worry about what we’re aware of!
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right good diet
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The author misses the point. Despite what Mr Chicken thinks about his backside, he is unlikely to go on a diet. He likes food and indulgence too much. That is obvious from the tongue-in-cheek text. The observation that he must go on a diet is ironic. It ought to provoke laughter, not indignation. Mr Chicken likes himself just the way he is and should your child.
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The commenter misses the point. A story prompted the author to think about the idea of dieting and body image, and THAT was the point.
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My daughter’s 10 and still plays with her Barbies, but she has them cooking and eating in their Dream House. The other day she stuffed some tissues in their skirts to give them “A Kimmy K butt, you know, like you Mum”. All the girls on my maternal grandma’s side have a curvy bum and we’re proud of it! Obviously my daughter thinks Barbie needs one too!
ps I’m just still working out where the Kardashian reference came from! We don’t have Foxtel and she’s never watched an episode, as long as she just focuses on the butts and not the vapid, shallow lifestyle they lead I’m OK with it …….I guess lol
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I cannot ever remember my mum mentioning her weight or diet even once when we were kids…we always ate healthily for breakfast, lunch and dinner with the occasional home made muffin or cake/slice for afternoon tea/weekends, were never allowed too much tv/ sega time so spent plenty of time running around outside …. and were always in a healthy weight range,, yet still my year 7 diary is filled with entries about how i am so fat and my hips were enormous ( i was a late bloomer, and photos of me in yr 7 show i was so small and skinny with tiny little stick legs)
I dont have a daughter as yet but i do have a son, and lots of the men in my husbands family are overweight, my husband was headed that way too until he reassessed his diet and lifestyle and got back down to a healthy weight range, but i do worry about this alot, my son is tall for his age but he is constantly hungry. i see him copying everything that we do, so we are trying really hard just to set a good example, eat healthy the majority of the time, but everything in moderation.
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I am always telling my 3 year old she looks beautiful no matter what she does or wears, etc. And she always replies “I know mum”. So nice to hear that and know that she is happy with herself just the way she is right now.
I agree that as mother’s we have a big influence on our daughters. My mother always obsessed about her weight, and she wasn’t overweight at all. When I hit puberty I put on extra kilos and was bigger than her. So I kept thinking that if she was overweight, then I must be obese. In fact I was within a healthy weight range.
So I am very conscious of what I say and do around my daughter.
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I always thought that if any of my children had a body image problem, it would be a daughter of mine, not a son. Well my daughter is fine. But my Mr7 already worries about his size. Some little shit at school has told him he has fat legs. He tells me he wants to do more rugby training because it will make his legs smaller. He insists on wearing a rashie to swimming lessons because he doesn’t want people looking at him without the rashie covering him up. He asked if he did more swimming lessons would it make him fitter, but I worry that to him, fitter means skinnier. It’s not just girls, and their body image isn’t just influenced by their parents. It’s a difficult balancing act.
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While no one wants children to develop eating disorders, I think that society needs to make sure that it does not normalise being overweight. It’s not good to be overweight and it’s not good to have overweight children.
I think that these days we are are far too politically correct. You’re not allowed to curb your child’s eating, by pointing out to them that it’s not good to be overweight in case your hurt their developing self esteem.
In my humble opinion, being fat is going to be more damaging to their self esteem.
The statistics for the percentage of children in this country who are overweight is quite sobering.
http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/Lookup/by%20Subject/1370.0~2010~Chapter~Obesity%20%284.1.6.6.3%29
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Those adult obesity rates are truly frightening. Over half of all adult Australians are overweight. I know the BMI isn’t a perfect tool, but the stats still frightening.
I’m very lucky in that A, my genes have blessed me with the skinny gene and B we had mostly home cooked, nourishing food growing up. As a result, I’ve passed this on to my own kids and body image so far hasn’t been a big problem for them.
It must be really hard to overcome childhood “conditioning” if that conditioning includes a bad relationship either way with food.
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“I think that society needs to make sure that it does not normalise being overweight.”
Agree completely.
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I’m stunned that you guys even think that’s possible. Have you not noticed how profoundly we demonise the overweight? I don’t see that changing in any of our lifetimes.
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My mother always sent out a pretty good message about food- I was allowed the odd natural lolly, and I remember sometimes we’d get mcdonald’s and stuff the burgers with greens, haha. She never commented on out weight, but nobody in our family had a weight problem.
I ended up with a raging eating disorder in my teens anyway- I don’t want to blame mum, but I do think it had a fair bit to do with her even though she was stellar in this regard all the way through my childhood. It was once I became a teenager- a tall, toned size 10- that the problem started. She herself is ultraconservative, and she couldn’t deal with me wearing anything short or revealing. I understand that mothers need to regulate their teen’s dress choices to make sure they don’t go out looking like a skank- but if I wore a short skirt (not the ass-showing kind that you see a lot of in recent years) she’d say “don’t you think you’re a bit BIG for that now?” It only happened a few times, but the implication stuck.
The truth was, no, I wasn’t a bit big for that…. I’d just gone from a super-skinny kid to a young woman who looked pretty good in a mini skirt. My confidence evaporated in record time, and to this day I won’t wear shorts or minis. I had bulimia for 6 years, most of them absolutely chronic.
So, sorry mums, I know this is already a minefield with the food and talking about diets- but, in regulating what your teen wears, be careful of your choice of words and the reasons you give why they shouldn’t wear a particular outfit.
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My mother was always overweight and I remember being ten and not wanting to be in a teeshirt because I thought I was fat too.
I try very hard not to put any sort of looks value on my two girls. It’s hard though.
Deprivation doesn’t work either. My husband’s mother was very strict and would not allow any junk of any sort in her house. Skip forty years, and my husband is the worst impulse junkfood buyer on the planet. As is his sister.
Everything in moderation is our key, I think.
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I have twins – a boy and a girl. My boy is bigger than my girl. It is unbelievable how many times people say “it’s lucky he’s the bigger one, because he’s a boy”. They are only one!! I feel like saying “why is it lucky? Would you be judging my daughter if she was bigger because girls have to be petite and delicate?”. This body image distorting starts early….
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Argh, that makes me so mad!! People are sick.
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As horrible as this sounds I’m actually one of those people having thought and said those words. I’m 6’1 and skinny but with a very sturdy athletic frame if that makes sense. My husband has been fit but slightly overweight his whole life and has only started at 30 to make an effort to look after himself again. We have a daughter who seems to have our solid frame build and who’s most likely going to be tall as well. While she’s gorgeous (of course) we do quietly worry how she’ll turn out. Not because it matters to us, but because of the world she’s growing up in. And it’s little things like knowing I was never able to pursue a career in my one love, dancing, because I was too tall. With that knowledge I gave up before trying, which tells you more about my confidence than anything.
Anyway, from my point of view, comments like what your twins have been exposed to could come from the notion that because of society, life is easier for kids and adults alike who are stereotypical.
It doesn’t excuse the situation, but perhaps reflect the good intentions of the people having made the statement.
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I will tell my daughter this:
“A ‘diet’ is the what people eat. It could be anything. Absolutely anything.
Some people choose to cut certain things from thier diet, like nuts if they are allergic. Other people choose to cut butter or fatty things from their diet because their bodies can’t handle them.
Mostly though, people refer to the word ‘diet’ as eating as few unhealthy things as possible, so that they can lose weight, or stay at a healthy weight. For example, if you ate cake everyday, your body would not have enough of the good things that come from eating vegetables and fruit- and it may have too many of the bad things that come from junk food which harms how the body runs. So people say ‘I’m going on a diet’ when they want to alter what they eat.
It is actually correct English to say, ‘I’m altering my diet’ because everyone is already on a diet- it’s just what the diet consists of that must be changed. So when you see the word diet, don’t get confused or intimated. It just means what you choose to eat. And we choose to eat things that make our bodies feel best.”
That’s what I wish I was told!
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What a wonderful comment. I wish that I could like it 100 times
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i wish you had written this post.
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Wow. You both don’t know how much it means that you commented on this comment of mine. I’m literally in tears. Thank you.
I am still so influenced (and confused) by my mother and her ideas of what is acceptable and normal for a growing girl. I see her (bad) influence in my everyday day life.
I am 25 and everyday I have issues I work on resolving as a grown woman seeing myself in the mirror.
Thank you. Truly.
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I loved this post Eleanor. Thank you for sharing.
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I so agree that mothers are the main role model for their children’s body image and relationship with food. My mother was always really negative about her appearance and weight and this has caused me to be very obsessive about food and exercise. She was forever warning me that I had to be careful or I would ‘blow out’. I was terrified about having children as I thought it would lead to inevitable weight gain. Having now had three children and maintained a healthy weight for my entire adulthood, I continue to suffer from poor body image and constant thoughts about food and exercise. I am so determined to be a positive role model for my children. Although I have daily internal struggles, I am so careful to never say anything that would make my kids aware of how I think. I don’t want to pass on poor body image to the next generation. I encourage them to be active, and provide healthy food 90% of the time, I exercise often and eat well and hope that is enough to protect them. I dread the day I get asked what a diet is.
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Great response. That’s a very healthy way of looking at ‘diets’. I think we all need to change our thinking away from the diet/pass/fail mentality and look at our selves holistically. We are body, mind and soul. Teaching our children to view themselves as more than a body is priceless.
Well done, Eleanor.
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Amazing article, I don’t have kids yet. But as some one who survived a ballet teacher who weighed me every Monday morning for 2 years and had me on the fat list. I was lucky to have a mum who while my whole childhood was overweight never ever made me feel I should think about it. In fact it was her ability to know exactly how to get through to me that stopped me from entering into the downward spiral of anorexia. I had and still have serious issues with food but. I didn’t get that from my mum.
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This is actually a very timely post for me. I have a seven year old daughter who is quite overweight, and I am really at my wits end on how to deal with this. She is obsessed with food, wont stop asking for more and more even after she has eaten a healthy portion. Its gotten to the point where I got called up to school yesterday because she claimed I dont give her lunch, so that she can get money from the front office to get junk food from the canteen. Fortunately the teacher asked around subtley to find out that she eats her morning tea and lunch before school. I have her enrolled in gymnastics and dancing and we walk our dog regularly, so she does get a lot of exercise and I prepare healthy meals 90% of the time, with the odd take away, (less than one a fortnight) My sister and I were both anorexic growing up, so I am SO careful not to focus on weight or dieting in front of her, we keep everything positive and focus on health over appearance, but the message is not getting through. I love her so much and I dont want her to go through the years of pain I have been through with weigh problems. Any advice is greatly appreciated please.
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a good place to start might be to see a good GP and/or paediatrician, and get a referral to a paediatric dietitian. She might need some tests to check metabolism etc. I always think support from experts in child development is always a good place to start cos there are so many quacks and dodgy advice out there. good luck!
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Sounds like you’re giving her lots of healthy stuff. If she is eating a good breakfast before school and is still hungry enough to eat her morning tea and lunch before school, maybe there is something else going on?? If you have a good GP I would go and see him/her without your daughter first to discuss the issue openly without your fears of having to watch your ‘diet language’, then maybe make a time when you can both go. Best of luck x
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If she literally feels hungry all the time, it could be a thyroid issue, so worth checking that.
That said, I was like that, and the more my parents tried to restrict me, the more I went behind their back with food, which has led to food issues for me during teen and adult years.
By all means try to distract her, but make sure she doesn’t start to think of food as a ‘big deal.’
Let us know how you go!
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You sound like a great mother.
My mother was constantly telling me I was large and that I would always be a bigger girl. She didn’t show me how to change. She had me on diet after diet from year 5 onwards. It started with a simple, “don’t have more than 2 cookies because you’re not made like other girls” to “milk is a food. So when you drink it you are actually eating another meal. You don’t have the body for that.”
I am not fat. I was not fat then. I am short (155cm) and I am a size 12 top and 10 jeans.
But still, at 26 I have major body issues and my husband is the voice of reason to me. He gets really upset when he hears me talk about my body- and even more upset when he’ll question something and realise the root of the food issue came from my mother.
For example, he’ll say “Want a piece of bread to dip in your soup?” and without thinking I’ll reply “Bread makes you fat, it’s just carbs that only some people can eat. I’m not blessed with that ability.”
It’s funny the things that come out. From my our comment I realise you must have had an interesting upbringing too. I think to truly terrific that the buck is stopping with you and you are not interested in pushing things to your daughter. This being said, I am not a mother and don’t know what I would do. It is a delicate subject.
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Hard situation, I know you only want the best for her, as we all do for our children, but have to agree with the other poster that restricting food does seem to create a lot of food issues in the future. I wasn’t a chubby child really, but my mum and sister are very petite and I was taller and more solid. My mum constantly told me I was a ‘big girl’ and was so conscious of what I ate. I remember being at school starving and miserable, and as we all know, when we’re starving we usually crave the wrong things.
I’m still very conscious of what I eat and while I’m not overweight, my weight has fluctuated a lot over the years, and I did go through a period of binge eating.
I agree with the others to see a doctor at first, in case it is a medical problem. If it isn’t a medical problem, maybe just accept she has a larger appetite than most children her age? I don’t mean to sound blunt, but maybe some people just do, and it sounds like you are doing the right thing giving her healthy foods and exercising, so I’m sure she’s reasonably healthy. As she gets older, I’m sure she’ll start to become more conscious of how she looks and what she is eating compared to her friends. Plus, I know heaps of people who were chubby kids and are now slim teens and adults.
Good luck, it’s a hard job being a mum and it sounds like you’re doing a great job.
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I completely agree with the fact that girls look to their mothers on this. I have never been one to diet and when my fav work pants start to get a bit tight, I just cut back on snacks and wine and step up the exercise for a while.
Even when I am having a ‘fat’ day, I never say that in front of my kids. We talk about exercise for health and fitness and ‘sometimes’ foods v’s ‘everyday’ foods.
My daughter is nearly 13 and so far (touch wood) she has a pretty heathy outlook on her appearance. My 5yo son on the other hand told me the other day that he was getting ‘fat’ as his pants were too tight! I explained that he was just growing bigger but I was surprised that he even throught of it that way which makes you wonder who he heard it from at kinder or creche?
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I have a 5yo girl and we talk about food that makes you strong , fast and smart because her most important thing is sports , I have often heard her say that she doesn’t want the cake/ice cream/ lolly etc because she wants to be strong – love this
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Love the way you describe good foods to her!!
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Diet is supposed to be a noun, but somewhere along the way it morphed into a verb. And then all hell broke loose. “Diet” is supposed to mean the type of food that is consumed, rather than the restriction of food. So it can be explained to young children this way. For example, if someone wants to lose weight, as in the case of the travelling chicken, he might chose a diet that contains mostly healthy foods and not so many unhealthy foods.
When we talk about diet in the hospital setting, we refer to the type of caloric intake required to meet metabolic or nutritional need, or to compensate for disease. e.g low salt diet for heart failure, low protein diet for renal patients, high protein high energy diet for someone needing to rehabilitate. It refers to ingestion, not deprivation. Well, it’s supposed to anyway…
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I struggle with this…. my mother has such poor body image. She is not at all fat and never has been, but is always talking about how much she weighs, how much she has lost or put on, why she is fat etc etc.. Over the last year, I have realised how much effect, these seemingly off hand comments, had on me, my self image and my relationship with food. I vowed not to leave my daughter with the same hangups. And this has been hard and will probably get harder.
I am hoping to focus on health and fitness and use words like “diet” to explain how choosing healthy foods provides fuel for the body… of course I have to put my money where my mouth is and show her by being active and eating a healthy balanced diet.
I worry about my mother’s influence on her though….
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why can’t I post?
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You just did.
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My daughter is 12 and she’s involved in an elite level of sport where lean lines and low body weight are essential to be competitive.
She has been instructed to diet by her coach and is very conscious of what she eats.
I used to worry about it but she actually has a very healthy body image and attitude towards food, and I think it’s because weight control is part of the discipline of her sport and not connected to body image, or a desire to be thin of itself.
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My daughter is nearly 3 and we allow everything in moderation. She’s a picky, non-eater so she is on the smaller side. But I do not encourage words such as diet, fat etc in our home. Yes, she has barbies and loves Cinderella, but the games we play are about barbie going to work and going to school
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My MIL is the real problem, however. My MIL refers to my daughter’s “fat tum-tum” and if she’s eating a biscuit, tells her she can “only have 1 cause you don’t want to get fat”. It drives me crazy. Even though my daughter doesn’t understand the meaning of the word, she does understand tone and when my MIL says it she thinks she’s in trouble.
The last straw for me was when my MIL told my then 8 month old son, who was eating my homemade custard “how much sugar did your mummy put in that? You’ll get a fat tum-tum like your sister if you eat too much” hahahah she says! My daughter’s response “don’t be cranky with him, Nanny, he’s only a baby”.
So words were definitely said and my MIL was of the view I was overreacting. But she agreed to rein it in. She clearly has her own issues that she grapples with and she also never had daughters.
You can only do so much as a parent, but I am raising my daughter to understand that yes, she is pretty, but it is more important to be kind to your friends, cuddle your friends and your brother when they are sad, dance, read and run about as much as you can.
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Re your MIL – that is not okay!! I think you are have a great attitude and I’m glad that she has agreed to rein it in.
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Ick, the passive-aggressive critical MIL, I can relate! My daughter is only one, but I hate it when people call her ‘chubby’ or ‘huge’. She is perfectly proportioned, just on the 97th centiles for both height & weight.
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In defense of MILs the world over, I don’t think it’s always a matter of passive-aggression. People are often a product of their time. My mum makes similar comments, but she wasn’t exposed to the body image dialogue during her upbringing. She does try to reign it in, but sometimes she does feel it’s an overreaction as she’s from a different time…. She wouldn’t purposely harm her much-loved granddaughter in an act of aggression.
Sorry… it’s just there is so much MIL bashing on here, and I know my mum struggles with her daughters in law so much because they’re constantly disappointed with her and I think many generational things are often misinterpreted (both ways, I admit). I little more empathy and less defensiveness would go a long way.
To be clear, I don’t have an issue with KTT confronting her MIL with what she deems unacceptable, that is good parenting. It’s the interpretation of it as passive-aggressive that bugged me.
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When I was younger, I had two frdneis who went by Isa (pronounced EE-suh). One was short for Isadora, and the other was short for a hard-to-pronounce foreign name. I’ve always liked that.
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My god I really don’t know how you contained your fury! “Words were said” sounds like a very moderate reaction to me. My hat off to you!
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I would exchange words with your MIL as well. Kids should be kids, healthy toddlers have ‘bellies,’ enough with this dieting crap.
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Good on your daughter. Clearly even as a 3 year old she can tell what her nanna is telling her and her brother is wrong. It sounds like you needed to have that talk with your MIL.
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These things petrify me. As a child it would never have occurred to me to “change” anything about myself or go on diet. Yes, that came in my late teens (I was short, skinny and took a LONG time to develop in all senses of the word).
But ages 3-6? Are we serious? In posing these surveys to kids, is it actually creating the awareness? I’m a Aussie living in the US with my American husband and we have a one and a half year old little girl. What the hell nightmares are awaiting us with issues like these on the cards? How do I protect her from this?
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Half of girls between 3 and 5 are body conscious??? I am pretty sure I only just discovered I was female when I was 5. That is horrendous!
When I was young, my mother did not discuss her weight. When I in my early teens she would sometimes wish that she could lose weight. My response (in my head) was something like “silly mom…you just look like you. No need to lose anything!”
My mom taught me very well when I was little. Proper meals, and the odd dessert. Heck, why not even McDonalds once (or twice!) a month? And weight has never been an issue for me.
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Oh, and to add another thought: I don’t think there is any reason to ban Barbie or Disney from little girls. Barbie was my life for about 10 years. As long as girls do not view being ‘pretty’ as most important, they will be okay. Give them another focus: smarts, kindness, creativity…and it will be easier for them.
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The article linked to lots of other Mamamia stuff, but it really needed a link to that study, because it sounds really bogus to me. I’d like to know what questions they posed to the kids. I just cannot believe 50% of pre-schoolers worry about losing weight.
I also think that a child asking a question “what’s a diet?” is really so loaded. Just answer the question and move on.
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Whhops I meant that it is NOT such a loaded question.
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I am one of only a couple of women on my mother’s side of the family who has never suffered an eating disorder. I lived with my very skinny mum who battled her demons for years and sometimes when I look back and remember certain things I believe it’s a miracle I never picked up any of her bad habits. I have never ‘been on a diet’ and frankly, I don’t believe in them. I do believe in the ‘everything in moderation’ approach to eating and I have a healthy appreciation for cake in all its forms! I’m a regular sized woman, some call me skinny but they can’t see under my clothes. There are plenty of bumpy bits! I am grateful for the massive variety of healthy, tasty fresh ingredients in plentiful abundance at the market and wide open spaces to have fun bouncing, rolling, jogging about in. This is what I plan to teach my daughter as she grows, appreciation for health and health-giving resources we are blessed to have at our fingertips. Mr Chicken can kiss my wobbly butt, but my little girl won’t hear me calling it that!
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I’ve battled issues with self-esteem and body image since I was bullied and later sexually assaulted as a child.
I battled anorexia for years and nearly died in 2002. Recovery has been a huge struggle, but my biggest motivation to develop a healthy relationship with food came when my beautiful daughter was born.
I am now a healthy weight, happily married to a man who loves my curves and doing my best to be a good role-model for my children.
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So true. My gorgeous daughter is 18 and is very happy with how she looks and will sometimes mention getting healthier but never dieting!!
My tip for all you mums with young daughters, keep all the women’s magazines out of your home. And I mean all. Womens Day, NI, dolly, Cosmo anything that tells us we have to improve how we look because we just don’t measure up.
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Those magazines always got me confused – on one page they have recipies for fabulous dinner parties, the next an article about accepting yourself, the next the latest fad diet, then an article either accusing a celebrity of being anorexic or pointing out that they’ve gained weight….I mean, what the hell?! Talk about mixed messages!!
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So true, I enjoy trashy magazines in general but I HATE that. Particularly the ones that go out of their way to preach “body love” message, then print either fad diets or, even worse, run a gleeful “X celebrity’s weight gain” or “See, she’s human too!” story. Makes me furious and rather disgusted with myself for buying into it.
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Thanks for this. My mother always had major hang ups about her weight and was constantly on a diet. I had big issues too and was anorexic and bulimic in my teens. I’m more at peace with myself now than ever, but I am overweight.
We never talk about diets, weight, bad food etc at home and I’m trying to quietly lose my own excess pounds through healthy eating and moderation. I want to set a good example without making a big deal of it.
I worry though, about the effect my family have on my son. When we go over there it’s a case of “I would love to give you a tim tam dear but your mum will say no because it’s got too many calories”. It drives me mad and i worry about the ideas they’re putting in to the poor kids head. I’ve asked them to stop but they just act as if I’m being overly controlling. If you want to give him something, give him an apple. He likes them! No need to bang on about calories, I’m more concerned with the vitamins!
And stop telling him he’s got a ‘lovely build’ and is ‘better looking than such and such’s kid’. It’s horrific! Tell him he’s kind, or thoughtful, or helpful. The focus is always on food and appearance and I just hate it.
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My mother never went on a diet, never complained about her body and always quietly and consistently served up healthy food at home and let me have the occasional treat at parties or school without making a big deal of any of it.
I have never been on a diet in my life, I work out only for my own cardio health and I have zero hang ups about my body, save for occasionally wanting some extra muscle definition when I’m at the gym.
And I’m so thankful to her for it.
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My mother never went on a diet, never complained about her body and always quietly and consistently served up healthy food at home and let me have the occasional treat at parties or school without making a big deal of any of it.
I’ve never had an eating disorder but have been on diets and had an unhealthy attitude to food and exercise for as long as I can remember.
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My mother never went on a diet, never complained about her body and always quietly and consistently served up healthy food at home and let me have the occasional treat at parties or school without making a big deal of any of it.
I had an eating disorder as a teenager that I later got over and now with my own kids I try and emulate my mums approach. Body image, eating disorders and dieting are complex and taking the approach that all our mothers took is no gaurantee that you will avoid these issues. For me the eating disorder was about control of my life where I felt I otherwise had none rather than anything to do with food or body image issues passed on from my mother. You can set the best example in the world to your daughters but sadly anorexia and bulimia are about more than just food.
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I know a 60 year old women who has never been on a diet but was always talking about her weight. She did this because she had a fat Mum (who we all adored). She did not want to end up like her Mum so she made lots of changes to her life (by choice). Exercise was the key. She exercised all her life not just for herself but to keep healthy, so her kids did not have a fat Mum and so her life partner would be proud of her. We owe it to ourself to keep control of our self image. It is not okay to be fat. Do the best you can. That’s is all you can ask of yourself.
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