BY KATIE ‘MONTY’ DIMOND
I have never had to deal with the male anatomy on a daily basis. However five months ago that all changed when I bore my first baby boy. Obviously he was born with boy ‘bits’ and until he can attend to them himself, they are my responsibility. This leads straight to the question my boyfriend and I are currently pondering. What should we refer to his ‘bits’ as?
There are two sides of the fence with this topic, one being to refer to the body parts in their clinical term, eg Penis and Vagina. The other side being to give them a cutsie name eg: ‘Binky Wanga-Wang’ and ‘Woo Woo’. To be honest, I’m perched right on top of the pickets when it comes to naming the thing that resides in my child’s nappy. I don’t want to sound like a Biology Teacher when potty training him, but nor do I want him to think he has a Disney character living in his undies.
If anyone were to hack into my computer, my recent Google history could quite possibly have me sent straight to the slammer. My searches include ‘baby penis names’, ‘cute names for genitals’ and ‘what should you call a babies penis?’ Why didn’t Tizzy Hall tackle this important topic?
After extensive research on parenting forums, and a very interesting conversation with my mother friends, I have compiled a list of some of the more commonly used names to refer to a baby boy’s genitalia.
Winky Tinky- Isn’t this a Telly Tubby??
‘Wee Wee’- If my son happens to make friends with a lovely French girl at school this could get awkward.
‘Wing Wang’- I’m familiar with calling a Penis a ‘Wang’, but have never heard ‘Wing’ added to the front of it. This sounds like it could be a Superheroes’ name complete with a bold ‘WW’ written across his chest.
‘Weenie Peenie’- I’m not sure if any male, even a five month old, wants the word ‘Weenie’ anywhere near his penis. This would be sure to create a complex later in life.
Doodie – This sounds like something you step in on an American holiday.
Mr Noodle – I’m not sure who Mr Noodle is but I don’t want him any wear near my son at bath time.
Little Johnson – Yuk!
Pecker- A ‘Pecker’ is a technical term for a bird’s bill. How did something so innocent and non-phallic make its way into a child’s pants?
Dicky Bird – This makes me think of Richard Wilkins.
Ding-a-ling – My sister and I used this term to refer to my brother’s ‘bits’ when he was a baby. He is now 21 and may never speak to me again. If his band mates or footy coach happen to read this, I am very sorry.
After saying each out loud several times, (which I whole heartedly invite you to do…in private!) I just don’t think I can bring myself to say any of them seriously. I don’t want to crack up in my child face every time I change his nappy or give him a bath, the little thing will grow up needing therapy from it.
So after much contemplation I have come to my decision. Drum Roll Please….. The winner is…Penis! Simple, straight to the point, and although it makes me giggle a little, I’m sure the novelty will soon wear off.
Katie “Monty” Dimond is a broadcaster and media personality. She has appeared on Channel Ten, Channel Nine, and Nova FM. She is currently busy being a full time Mum and loving it! You can (and should) follow her on Twitter here. You should also like her Facebook page which you can find here.
What do you call a penis? Do you have different names for adult ones and children’s one?
Comments
201 Comments so far
Three boys and three willys in this house. Husb has always used the term willy, so only natural that the boys use it too. Don’t care if they use the term penis or not. At 2 and 3 they are more than well acquainted with their male appendages and the less I need to be involved the better!!!
I’m another here that goes CRAAAAZY with the inaccurate use of ‘vagina’. Especially when it comes from those that insist on ‘using the correct names’. So do you all teach your little girls that they urinate out of their vagina? Because I’m sure you know that they don’t.
I also wonder if the ‘anatomically correct’ also insist on using the term ‘anus’ when toilet training their kids (sorry, teaching your children to defecate)? And do you never use the word ‘tummy’ – do you insist on abdomen? The list goes on…
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Agree! It’s driving me nuts too. I thought I was one of those people who ‘insist on using the correct names’ but now I realise I’m not! I’m actually a person who ‘insists on using commonly understood terms’. So penis, willy, dick, etc but not dinosaur, winky dink, etc. And vagina is spot on! But not blossom, cha cha, etc. As long as most people know what you’re talking about, that’s cool. Surely it’s only an issue when no-one understands what your kid means when they say, ‘That man touched my dinosaur.’
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Growing up we called our bits doodle (penis) and tushy (vagina) I dont really get into some of the silly names for bits that some parents use – wee wee, whoo whoo dilly, cha cha ect, are strange to me. Some names are so obscure that when I hear my friends kids say them I have no damn idea what they are talking about! My mum tells me I used to call my belly my “wow-wow” (“mum, my wow-wow hurts” ect) because every time she saw my belly she’d go “whoohoo!” so I’d go “mum, look!” and lift my top up at her just to hear her say it
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i thought tushy was bum??
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I think in America it is? I have no idea on the origin of tushy, just that my whooooooole family (parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) use it.
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Tushy and fanny. See, nicknames can be confusing!
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Oh please! why the ‘cutesy’ names?? Call it as it is. Mind you, when my daughter was learning to say ‘vagina’ it came out more like ‘my diner’… lol.
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haha! My daughter used to say ‘angina’..
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What a funny funny article. Thanks for the giggle Monty. I laughed even harder at the very serious responses and felt sorry for those that didn’t just laugh out loud at the humour of this piece. I have two teenage sons, it doesn’t matter now what we did or didn’t call it because these days we don’t talk about THAT at all mum!!!!!
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amazed at all the commenters who get so irate about this topics saying we call and arm and arm and so on but are still callling girl parts by the wrong name. Its correct term is Vulva so if you really want to be right and use the correct names then vulva not vagina !
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I have always taught my kids the proper terms for gentials. It’s only until my older daughter started at school that she started calling a penis a ‘willy’.
In saying that, when she was about 3 years old in daycare, the staff congratulated me for having my children use the correct terms, as they are instructed to not use any slang terms, and kids being taught the slang terms can make their job difficult, as it’s confusing for a three year old.
So how come the slang is allowable in primary school?
Anyway, my reasoning for using correct terms:
Before having kids I had a friend who worked for the Police in what I would consider one of the WORST roles ever. Their job was to question children who had been suspected of sexual mistreatment/abuse, and try to find out what really happened. It’s usually hard for a child to understand what has happened, and be able to talk about it or describe it, so they had certain ways of going about it. BUT one of the things he always said was that if they used the CORRECT BIOLOGICAL terms for genitals, then it was a lot easier for them to prosecute the offenders, as there was no mistaking which ‘bottom’ was touched, or what a ‘woo-woo’ actually is.
And also the correct terms need to be used in court.
I was told that there were so many cases that couldn’t be bought to justice as the child in question couldn’t corretly name the body part, and it coudn’t be ascertained what actually happened. So sad.
So if I can take this chance to pass on any advice here, it’s please teach your children to use the correct terminology. I hope to God that they never need to use it for this purpose, but if they ever do, at least they have more chance of putting the offender away.
As a side-note, this friend no longer works in this role, and is no longer a Police Officer – they retrained as a teacher. You can only be around that sort of thing for so long before it affects you.
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So why use the word ‘vagina’ then…. I once got touched up in a swimming pool as a kid by some older boy. But I tell you what – he didn’t touch my vagina!!
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Chin chin is the word for penis in Japanese. I find it very disturbing when Australians put their wine glasses together and say ‘chin, chin’ instead of ‘cheers’.
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Chin Chin is my favourite restaurant in Melbourne. Haha.
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All for correct names, penis and vagina. It was always funny when my daughter was little and couldn’t pronounce vagina, she always came out with bagina!! They’re both 21 and 19 now, so using the correct name back then was certainly not the norm.
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Just off subject….Monty, why do they call you “Monty” ?
Can I presume that it has nothing to do with a predilection for Arnotts Chocolate Monte’s ?
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What do I call my penis ?
Depends on my mood. So it can be called everything to what it’s mother named it, to “hey you”.
Favourites include….shlong, boy minge, knob, purple headed love truncheon etc.
If I’m feeling particularly happy I’ll call him all sorts of really silly names.
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Boy Minge!!!
That made me laugh so hard I almost spat out my iced coffee!!
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My neighbour’s little girl was taught that her vagina was called a ‘wee wee’ so she made up all by herself (so cute and makes so much sense) that a penis was called a ‘wee wee stick’ LOL
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A wee-wee & a vagina are not the same anatomical bits!
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Sorry, urethra! Ha ha
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‘Ding-dong’ for penis and ‘woo-woo’ for vagina. Maybe it’s so that if my little girls (3 and 1) decide to yell it out in public, no one will know what the hell they are talking about.
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Thanls for the laugh. I nearly peed my pants at ding-a-ling!!
On a serious note, kids should never feel embarrassed about being able to talk about their genitals. If they see you laughing every time you talk about them, so will they. God forbid someone would try to touch my kids innapropriately, but if it happened I would want them to be comfortable with the words penis and vagina so that they could tell me or someone else what happened.
Having said that, funny names are ok when joking around. I do however use the names when telling them where to wash or wipe etc
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I can’t help but think of a classic scene from The Simpsons where Ralph Wiggum sings a song about his ding-a-ling. I believe it went: “My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling. Oh won’t you play with my ding-a-ling.” He was, of course, referring to the bell in his hand.
But LOL!
My son is three and we do penis and doodle here. I don’t care that everyone is outraged about calling things their proper names, if I can call my elbow my funny bone and my breasts boobs, I don’t see the harm in calling a penis a doodle.
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Totally agree Nerida. From age 2 my son understood that his doody and penis were the same thing. Parents should consider the options and make a sensible decision for their family. And I thank Monty for not preaching about why her decision was the right one.
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Mr Noodle is also a character from Elmo’s World. Wrong, wrong, wrongity wrong!!
Penis and vagina here, and more recently, willy. Tho before we decided what to call the bits which reside in underwear, my daughter did ask why Daddy and our son have ‘lines’ in their undies!
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There are other good reasons for using proper anatomical names like penis and vagine- abuse. When children know what a penis is they cannot be cajoled by a potential abuser to say “let’s play with your wee wee or flower etc”. Childrencan then report acurately whats happening. Abuser grooming ofchildren involves just such pet names for intimate body parts .
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Willy!
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it is a penis! for gods sake what are you trying to do to your children? what is an arm? do you make up a silly name for a leg as well?
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Calm down….lighthearted article….no need to get irate!
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A leggy weggy you mean?
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And do you use the word ‘tummy’ or ‘bottom’…?
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No, we use abdomen (stomach being the sac that holds the food), and buttocks. Not.
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I attempted to teach my three year old the correct terms (penis and vagina)… her response: “boys have a pizza and girls have a giant.” She’s a little older now and can finally pronounce them both correctly. My nephews always called their penis a ‘shaboinka’ – not sure how my sister and her husband came up with it, but found it very funny!
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My son has a penis and recently enlighten his friend who came for a sleep over.
When I dropped him back home the first thing he told his parents at the door was” I don’t have a doodle I have a penis”. Nice. Luckily we are good friends and she wasn’t upset.
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We must unknownly call it a “doodle” because once in a book shop there was a scribble book called “doodle book”. They giggled there little hearts out at such a book – OOPS Awkward moment.
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… but what did they DOODLE?
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A friend recently told me her boyfriend calls his penis a Doody.
On learning this, our family has now taken to the word “Doody” with gusto and have even made up songs about it.
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Oh man, I have tears running down my face. How mature are we? That and ding-a-ling had me in stitches!
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Howdy Doody indeed!
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I taught my kids penis and vulva. They call them all kinds of things, but they know what the various parts are, including foreskin, testicles, vagina, labia, and so on. It makes it so much easier if there’s a health crisis. “Mummy, I bumped my woo-woo.” “Where does it hurt?” “Up above my clitoris.” So specific, mildly hilarious, and very useful at the doctor’s.
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Not wanting to use the words penis or vagina is usually because the adults giggle over the words.
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Willy all the way!
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I cheered at this but I think I was cheering for the wrong reason….
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hahah! theres never a wrong reason regarding a willy summergirl
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I taught my boys the correct words. Penis. Testicles. Foreskin. Because I say arm when I mean arm and leg when I mean leg. But they are now 13 and 9 and the words they use to describe it vary on a daily basis. Oh how they LOVE the myriad of words they can use to describe their genitals. It’s an endless source of humour to them. But they know the correct word and interestingly when going to the doctors (my son had a recent medical issue) he quite correctly used the proper terms to the doctor. So he knows what’s appropriate. Reading the below comments though I quite like Roodle. Made me LOL
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My 2.5yr old Mr calls it his Willy. But when we refer to it its either Willy or Penis. I agree that you should be truthful with children however they have alot of time to learn anatomy and although I dont agree with winky- tinky or wang…sorry makes me giggle. Kids are kids and they can be a little silly with things like this, they’re curious after all!
Oh and this names are nothing compared to what adults call there “private parts” hehe
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My kids know it’s penis and vagina, but once that’s established, I’m not against using other nicknames from time to time.
Any excuse for a laugh & let’s face it, when it comes to genitals it’s not hard to find the funny side.
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My husband can make this decision. God knows, I make enough decisions, he can have this one. I suspect it will be doodle, since that is what he calls his (in public – it’s called ‘Mr Wiggly’ in private *blush*).
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Doodle. Knob. Dick. Schlong.
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Penis! Penis! Penis! Anything else is silly and adds to the ridiculous sense of shame and embarrassment that so many gen x’ers seem to have (no doubt due to our parents use of those silly nicknames)!
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I have two girls and one boy, and we have always used the word penis and vagina. My girls use the word vagina liberally, but despite both my husband and I always calling it a penis, our son calls it his doodle. I don’t correct him anymore, i figure as long as he knows what it’s really called, what he wants to call it is his business.
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My 3 & 5 year old call it a willy. And the other bits are known as testicles (or tickle-tickles as my then 2.5yr old thought they were called lol)
I thought the word willy wasn’t too in your face nor was it a silly made up word. Works for us.
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My son is 22months so at the moment his penis is called either his whistle or his leaky! When he is old enough we’ll teach him the correct terminology.
I’m sure they’ll be many more conversations about bits as I’ve just found out we’re having another boy!!!
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I don’t understand the dilemma??? What can be wrong about teaching our children to speak proper English? There is no shame in using the correct terminology for our body parts.
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My boys (3 & 5 yrs) call it a doodle, although my Dad made up this little song and called it a “doodle woodle chiicken noodle” so now it is affectionatley know as a “chicken noodle”.
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My brother started calling it a whacker for no apparent reason when he was three-years-old. Little did he know…
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Good decision to go with penis. I have a science background and thus made the same choice when my own son was born 12 years ago. I was sure I was doing the right thing by steadfastly always referring to it by the correct nomenclature, until he came home from his first day of school. “Mum,” he asked me as soon as he had put down his bag. “What’s a dick? All the other boys say they have one but I’m not sure if I do.”
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LOLing like a crazy person over here, thanks Kylie x
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Two boys. Two tough boys. Therefore two willys (plus dad’s of course) but why does my husband insist on coming out with new names for the bits all the time – such a man thing. When I hear my Mr 4 yell out “mum he hit me in the ball sack” “mum I hurt my nundrums” – I shake my head and figure that whatever we women will do or say about the penis then boys and men will just do and say what they want – after all it is their’s to do with as they please.
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Don’t understand what the deal is with this. I’m sure his arm will be called his arm, and his nose will be called his nose….so why wouldn’t you call his penis by it’s correct name as well?
Good grief….I have 2 boys, now 19 and 18, their male genitalia has always been referred to by it’s correct name. Small children don’t have adult ‘silliness’or shyness about their bodies until it is taught to them byparents and others.
Do him a favour and don’t teach him some baby name you will only have to undo later.
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Hmm, I dont think it is shyness monty is talking about. I call my stomach my tummy, my nose my snoz and my eyes my peepers. I am not at all shy or ashamed of these body parts. In fact it is because I have affection and love for my body parts that I can about them with these nick names of affection.
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The thing is I wouldn’t mind if it was “I’m going to urinate with my penis” but usually “I’m going to wee with my willy”. The drs nurses at the hospital where I had my son called it a willy, we use willy and penis, he calls it a “woowee” which I think comes from “do wee”. Its sounds horrible when small kids shout (and they slways do) PENIS/VAGINA. There is also your other terminology that goes with willy: wee, snot, boogers, poo, fart or for the penis brigade (penis, urine, mucus, firm mucus, feaces, flatulance. Those words are not happening so why is the penis in need of such a correct term. The whole vagina thing is the hard one, boys bits are all in one (well 2 I guess, penis and testicles) with girls there’s the bits you see when standing (mound of Venus??) then the bit you see from underneath, where the wee comes out, where the babies come out, I dread having a girl!!
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“think he has a disney character living in his undies”….. Hilarious! Almost choked on my lunch. Reading warning: do not read Monty while consuming food or beverages.
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Yeah, I was taught “Minnie” for my vagina (or vulva for the genital police). Led to some awkwardness watching Saturday morning Disney.
One that I just remembered the other day that cracked me up though was that I was told that boys have a doodle. This was around the same time I was obsessed with singing “Yankee Doodle.” Then one day at school I was taught that a doodle is really called a penis. Well, the next time I was at my grandparents house, the whole family was able to hear about how “Yankee Penis” went to town, riding on his pony!
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In out house it’s penis and vagina. Yes, it can seem a bit awkward initially but I figure giving them other names contributes to a sense of shame and I didn’t want that for my children. I also know of kids unfamiliar with basic biological terms who have been sexually abused and have struggled with having to learn the appropriate language at one of the most traumatic possible times.
And yes, I know technically it’s a vulva, not a vagina, but I chose vagina as part of my attempt in aiming for near universal understanding. If at childcare/school/doctors etc I don’t want them having to say their “fufu” or “eenie” is sore.
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I’d be VERY worried if they said their vagina was sore!
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Kids manage to trip an fall and hurt themselves in a billion different ways. If my kids manage to hurt themselves they need to be able to explain to whoever is taking care of them where they are hurt. And the person caring for them also needs to be able to understand what they’re on about.
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Although I totally agree with calling it a penis, my brother had a fabulous name for his when he was little. He named it and he called it a “Do Wee-er”. I think this is very accurate after all, it does “do wee”.
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Ours was Doo-dar or doodle! and the testies are “the Boys”
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My boys know it’s called a penis, but they both affectionately refer to it as “my doodle”. Although my Mr3 has recently been referring to it as “my peanuts”! And because he got such a laugh from his older sister and brother, he repeats it ad nauseum. So from the back seat of the car I hear “Ow, my peanuts! Ow, my peanuts! Ow, my peanuts!”
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Have the same issue with my 4yo. He gets a laugh for the older two and I hear it over and over agin. ‘My balls!’ is houted at myhouse a lot…
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Growing up as one of 3 girls, and now the mother of 2 sons (and one girl who wishes she was a boy) I’m on a BIG learning curve
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Schlong…but that’s cause I’m Jewish
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Gold!
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PENIS!! My two year old call’s his knob/doodle/winky/wang a PENIS, cos that’s what it is.
Our rationale for making our choice was i would rather hear him bellow across a shopping centre ” MUM!! MY PENIS IS ITCHY/SORE/TINY/HUGE” than a nickname.
I had one of the younger carers at daycare tell him to stop calling it a Penis and call it his thing!! How confusing for a 2 year old?!?!!? ( i baked some cookies, and politely set her straight, asking her not to do this with him again)
I think everyone treats the words Penis and Vagina with such shame and embarrassment – its a part of his glorious body, and he should not be ashamed of any of it.
PENIS PENIS PENIS!!!
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I wish i could like your comment 1000 times! What do you call your leg? Or eye? Or friggin head??
This is a topic that annoys the crap out of me. A penis is a PENIS a vagina is a VAGINA !
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I hope you never use the words tummy of bum either. Or human instead od homo-sapien. Its just common vernacular, it is when people are so polorisied that it causes problems. As long as kids are growing up with love and respect for their bodies then whatever the family chooses to call genitals are surely not an issue.
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Legs = pins
Eyes = peepers
Head = noggin.
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It’s a penis in my house and he knows I have a “jay jay” – as I normally say vajayjay but was a bit hard for a 18 month old to pronounce – he knows who has which and think it’s sounds ok for him to use the proper terminology.
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Vajayjay or Jay Jay is not correct terminology.
You got the penis bit right but why confuse him with Vagina/ Jay Jay thing?!?
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Did try vagina, and will, but was too hard for a 18 month old to pronounce, so “jay jay” it was and will be until vagina can be.
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Except, erm, vajayjay is not the correct terminology… That would be vagina or vulva depending on what you’re referring to
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So I wanted to use Penis, as I believe in using the correct words for body parts. But my husband always uses willy, so now it is willy, even I say willy too now. So oh well, at least we can all say willy in public without sniggering.
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I have three boys and it’s a penis in our house!
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I have 2 boys – and both call them their willy. However, the playground has introduced “nuts”. Charming coming out of the mouth of a 4 year old! My 8 year old also says “Nick kicked me in the privacy”!
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Penis and vagina in this house. So many people have an issue with it! Out of 8 mothers in our mothers group, I was the only parent using correct terminology. Vagina is less popular than penis. Some parents have said penis is okay but what do you call the um, you know, girl bits? Um, VAGINA! But that’s not really what it’s called is it? they say. Okay, let’s not get too technical. Do you really want my 5 year old to refer to inner and outer labia? I think vagina pretty much sums it up.
ETA: Reading Ally’s comment I’ll add that my child knows the correct bits like foreskin etc for the same purposes she cites. But in general conversation it’s penis and vagina. I like dood and jiny too as it also teaches kids about context and audience. That is, like Ally’s kids, if they also know the correct terms when needed.
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We use both vulva and vagina depending on what we mean. I think it’s helpful for them to know the correct parts – for describing any pain, itching etc and also it’s recommended as a sexual abuse prevention strategy.
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Sorry, I should add that I’m referring to only having a son. So he knows the names of the parts of his own anatomy but refers to female anatomy in toto as ‘vagina’. So the valid points you make on this issue in regard to girls don’t apply to him. Hope that makes my position clearer because I completely agree with you.
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Willy
at 8 and 7 though, my boys know it’s a penis!
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