When I first heard about the youtube video of a North Carolina father shooting his daughter’s laptop over some Facebook disagreement, this is what I thought it was all about: she’s on Facebook too much (because she’s, like a TEENAGER and that’s their job) and her Dad is some redneck luddite who doesn’t even know how to switch on a computer and he cracked the shits and shot it to pieces as a dramatic, intimidating form of punishment.
Cue: eye roll.
Well, I got that wrong. First of all, the Dad - Tommy Jordan – works in IT. He knows how to work a laptop. Secondly, he didn’t take exception to her being on Facebook (hell, even the family dog has a facebook page that various family members update but that’s another story). It was what she WROTE on Facebook that pissed him off.
The short version:
Hannah is 15 and wrote a whiney Facebook status complaining about her household chores and suggested she should be paid for all the *s*** I do around the house.”
Here’s some of what she said:
To my parents,
I’m not your damn slave. It’s not my responsibility to clean up your s**t. We have a cleaning lady for a reason. Her name is Linda, not Hannah.
If you want coffee, get off your ass and get it yourself. If you want a garden, shovel the fertiliser yourself, don’t sit back on your ass and watch me do it. If you walk in the house and get mud all over the floor that I just cleaned, be my guest, but clean it up after you are done getting s**t everywhere.
I’m tired of picking up after you. You tell me at least once a day that I need to get a job. You could just pay me for all the s**t that I do around the house.
She goes on to say the chores are effecting her ability to have a life. She has to go to sleep at 10pm because she’s tired. She wakes up a 5am to go to school. She says she can’t keep up with chores and school work. She sights the post: “Your Pissed Kid, Hannah”
Tommy Jordan’s Pissed Kid Hannah thought she’d hidden the post from her parents using privacy settings, but her father found the post when he was uploading photos to the family dog’s Facebook page (she didn’t think to hide the post from the dog.) We will not debate the fact the family’s dog had a Facebook page. That’s a headtrip for another day.
And this is what Tommy Jordan did after he read the “disrespectful” post. (Warning – some parts of the video are quite shocking – so if you’re not comfortable watching, we’ll detail what happens just below the clip).
Wearing a cowboy hat and smoking a cigarette, Mr Jordan sits in a wooden chair in a grassy paddock and reads from a printed copy of Hannah’s Facebook rant. “Pay you for chores? Are you out of your mind?” he says. “You don’t have that hard a life, but you’re about to.”
The video ends when Mr Jordan points the camera to a laptop on the ground and says ‘that right there is your laptop’ and then ‘this right here is my .45.’
Hello gun. In the seconds following, he shoots nine rounds into Hannah’s laptop. Bang. Bang. Bang.
At last count the video had nearly 20 million views.
At first, I was disturbed. I am still a little bit to be honest. I mean, I don’t like guns. Or cigarettes. Or violence. And laptops are expensive.
It was certainly an approach that had cut-through, there’s no denying that.
But it’s what happened next that made me view Tommy Jordan’s actions as a quite fascinating moment in parenting history.
What happened next?
Since the video went viral, the family has refused to speak to the media. Mr Jordan says he doesn’t want to send the wrong message to his daughter, namely “that it’s OK to profit at the expense of someone else’s embarrassment or misfortune, and that’s not how I was raised, nor how she has been raised.”
On his own Facebook page – where he’s making comments - Mr Jordan wrote: “I’m NOT a hero… of ANY kind… at all. I’m not a super-dad, or awesome parent.”
He said “My daughter isn’t hurt, emotionally scarred, or otherwise damaged,” he writes, “but that kind of publicity has never seemed to be to have a positive effect on any child or family.”
Smart man. Wise father. That’s all true.
What he did was fight the fight on his daughter’s terms, in his daughter’s territory: online. In public.
Hannah made the mistake most kids (and adults) make online which is to believe that anything can truly be private.
It CAN’T.
You want to diss someone? They’ll probably find out about it. Even if you tweak your privacy settings, some helpful person with dubious motives that could range anywhere from ‘loyalty’ to ‘trouble-making’ will alert whomever you’ve slandered to your insults.
And as long as humans have the ability to screenshot, your privacy settings mean NOTHING.
So what did Tommy Jordan do? He fought public humiliation with public humiliation. But it’s what he did after shooting his daughter’s laptop that impressed me the most. He didn’t ride the media wave that he’d created (perhaps unintentionally but that’s the way so many online media ‘stars’ are made). He sat down with his daughter and they talked about it and he taught her some lessons.
In a Facebook post called “Attention all media” he wrote:
While we appreciate the interest you’re all putting forth to get in touch with us regarding the video, we’re not going to go on your talk show, not going to call in to your radio show, and not going to be in your TV mini-series.
Some of you think I made an acceptable parenting decision and others think I didn’t. However, I can’t think of any way myself or my daughter can …respond to a media outlet that won’t be twisted out of context. The Dallas news TV news already showed that in their brief 5 minute interview with the psychologist.
Additionally, there’s absolutely NO way I’m going to send my child the message that it’s OK to gain from something like this. It would send her a message that it’s OK to profit at the expense of someone else’s embarrassment or misfortune and that’s now how I was raised, nor how she has been raised.
So I say thank you from all of us. If we have anything to say, we’ll say it here on Facebook, and we’ll say it publicly, but we won’t say it to a microphone or a camera. There are too many other REAL issues out there that could use this attention you’re giving us. My daughter isn’t hurt, emotionally scarred, or otherwise damaged, but that kind of publicity has never seemed to be to have a positive effect on any child or family.
Best of luck to all of you out there… and PLEASE give my phone a break.
As for his daughter’s response to the incdient, he said that after her initial “I can’t believe you shot my computer!” reaction she has “come through it just fine.”
Yes, she’s in trouble, and yes she’s grounded, but that doesn’t mean every moment of her life has to be miserable. She’s going to come to terms with the changes that will be present for a while; no TV privileges, no Internet, etc.
In the meantime, once the initial anger passed,… she sat with me reviewing some of the comments that have come in via Facebook and YouTube. One person even suggested collecting the shell casings and auctioning them on eBay. I said I’d do it if it would help contribute to her college fund! When I told her about it, she thought a minute, got a funny calculating expression on her face and said, “in that case you should shoot my phone too. We can use more bullets and I’ll go half-sies with ya on it! It’s not like I’m going to need it any time soon. And I can use the money we get to buy a new one.”
While the whole point of this story isn’t funny, what is funny to me is how weak some people out there think kids are. Our kids are as strong as we help them to be. My daughter took a horrible day in her life, had her crying fit, then got over it, accepted her punishment, and hasn’t let it (or people’s comments) destroy her strength. I don’t get any credit for that. She’s strong and able to overcome almost anything life throws at her.
Tommy Jordan, I salute you. I think what you did is an unconventional, radical yet very modern way to educate your daughter – and every other kid who has read or heard about it – about the dangers of making private things public.
What do you think of Tommy Jordan’s response? Is shaming kids via the Internet effective parenting?
Comments
232 Comments so far
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this is too close to home!! haha I wrote a note like that (not as rude though!!) to my parents when I was 12, on paper fortunately, not on the internet. Guess what my dad used in his speech at my 21st last month! I nearly died of mortification but he did it so well and so lovingly that by the end everyone was in hysterics it was just so funny!
Can totally relate to the girl though. Kids get it in to their heads they’re being hard done by and just get worked up – sure 15 was a little old and I’d expect better of her, but better to learn that lesson late than never.
Unfortunately the internet makes things more interesting than an angrily scrawled letter. Loved the father’s response though – he just took the fight to the ground she chose – and kids are tougher than we give them credit for. Assuming strength (and keeping a safety net in your back pocket) makes kids respond much better than wrapping them in cotton wool. I sure got over it
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Over the top?! Seriously! I like to know what is thinking is teaching his daughter? Resolved problems shooting? Confiscating the laptop and closing down her facebook account it would be enough and who is the parent here? From the video it possible to tell that he is very hungry, he need help lots of help
LTA ooxx
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part 2:
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read this yesterday:
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I like him.
He fights fire w fire (Except that he did not read out whatever she had written about her mother, which is good)
Her mum obviously agreed w his approach, which means he thought about this long enough to consult her.
He has reminded her that FB and computers are a privilege, not a right, and that he can take them away.
Still, though, he has the right to bear arms, but she has lost the right to free speech…
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The kid was an outright BRAT. The dad was just FRUSTRATED. It was destruction of property, NOT domestic abuse. Please.
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Having said that, I’m glad gun laws are better in Oz. In my case, I’d eBay the lappy and save the money for a rainy day.
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Destroying property is a form of abuse.
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if you’ve failed at being a parent to the extent that your teenage daughter is making posts like this, property destruction and implied violence aren’t appropriate responses. this is not how functional adult people behave.
ok i get it—the girl doesn’t respect her dad. however, in this 8+ minute video we learn that her dad feels obligated to invade her privacy, undermine her personal agency, and just generally has no trust in his own kid. so yeah, i understand why she doesn’t. respect is taught by PARENTS. it’s earned through actions and time. this girl’s frustrated rant PROBABLY implies that she doesn’t feel that her efforts are appreciated or that she’s an integral member of the family or household (alienation and over individuation is a huge problem for teens; it’s part of the formation of adult identity separate from parents and kind of a huge trap).
teens are rightfully frustrated because their entire existence is ridiculous; they’re expected to have adult behavior without the advantage of adult agency. maturity and decision making skills and LEARNED BEHAVIORS. if your kid is acting like a spoiled turd, where do you think they learned it from? if this girl is feeling entitled, what have her parents been doing HER ENTIRE LIFE to communicate the real value of what she has and should be grateful for?
also, asking for payment for work is not unreasonable; it’s an understanding of capitalism. a less asshat response than ‘are you out of your mind’ would be a basic rundown of the costs of the household in terms of food, heating, etc and what percentage of that the girl should reasonably be responsible for.
this girl is fifteen, meaning legally she probably can’t obtain most forms of employment. has she been educated as to what economic opportunities are available to her? because as a parent EDUCATING HER IS, IN FACT, YOUR JOB. you got her an application and made her apply? did you take her with you and teach her the process of how to obtain applications and where to look for places that are hiring? did you make sure the place you got the application from accepts underage employees (most do not) or walk her through the application process in terms of how to make herself an attractive applicant?
“when I was your age i’d moved out of the house, lived on my own, went to college while in highschool, worked two jobs, was a volunteer fireman.” uh alright, and you obviously did not manage to impart any of this work ethic to your own child. not to mention you grew up in an economic atmosphere about 30x less aggressive than the current one, AS A MAN. you are judging your daughter for having a different outcome than you had, when she sure as shit didn’t have the same input.
so now this girl decides to act out in a typical and trivial way: ranting and commiserating with friends. and even THAT outlet is being denied her. all the people above who liked and lauded this: would you think it was awesome if this girl was an adult woman who’d posted a frustrated rant about her significant other, and this was the significant other’s response? or would you consider this to be emotional abuse and a redflag for accelerating relationship violence? because that’s what this is: emotional abuse. this is abusive parenting (looks like it’s in the wake of/a response to earlier emotionally negligent parenting, too).
kids aren’t born to act like this. typically, it isn’t their fault. parental behavior causes this. this man is reaping the seeds he has sewn, and because he’s unsatisfied with what his efforts have yielded, he’s responding with aggression and punishment and social humiliation.
also worth noting: shooting in a residential area (which this clearly is) is not really ok at all either.
this is not something to be celebrated. property destruction and implied violence are not things to be celebrated. emotional abuse in response to shitty teen behavior that results from bad parenting in the first place is not something to be celebrated.
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Ick. I can’t quite believe anyone is defending this. Firstly, I am absolutely unable to see how the child’s vent was/ is interpreted as disrespectful or out of line. The only way I can understand it is if I consider that children are still not seen as fully human and entitled to a full range of normal human feeling – how many of us have vented about a partner we perceive as exploiting our labour? How on earth would we feel if they accidently saw our vent and responded by violently destroying our possessions? Why is it so different, so outrageous when it is a child doing the venting?
And who knows if her labour really is being exploited? There *are* children who bear the burden of domestic labour (in addition to their other responsibilities) in various contexts – it’s not always about an overly indulged, privileged kid showing rheir ingratitude/ immaturity/ whatever. And what I find doubly disturbing is that the child has now effectively lost any voice in this situation – we will only hear his interpretation of her reaction. Talk about a power trip!
As for the gun/ destroying her property – it honestly gives me chills. This is stock standard domestic abuse and its role is to intimidate, not to teach. It says look at what will happen if you step out of line – violence. Confiscating the laptop for a period of time would be entirely different, but what he did is equivalent to permanently destroying (potentially) a personal diary/ photo album/ music collection/ part of a personal history in one fell.
As the mother to two, I aim to model respectful behaviour whenever possible, to see my children as full human beings with all the complexity of feeling as adults but without the maturity/ experience to always know how best to deal. Ultimately, destroying their possessions and humiliating them while they’re entirely dependent on me, would only serve to destroy any real influence I have, replacing it with fear and ultimately, alienation. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot as a parent!
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Oh please… she complains about having to make them coffee, that she has no social life and how unfair it is that she has to do housework when they already have a paid housekeeper who should be doing it!
I agree that sometimes children’s labour is exploited and yes, sometimes destroying property is a form of abuse but look at the facts here… she’s not seeking help from a teacher or counsellor, she’s not implying that she’s hurting or suffering….she’s having a public whine to every single one of her Facebook friends about having to do chores!
I also don’t understand how she has “lost her voice”…maybe I’ve missed something but there’s no mention of her no longer having a Facebook account… there’s many ways you can access FB without a laptop of your own.
Domestic abuse happens and is not a matter to be taken lightly… but on the face of it, this is not abuse, this is parenting.
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This whole thing reminds me of the Arrested Development episode – ‘no teaching lessons!’
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And that’s why you always close the door when the air-conditioner is on!
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That may be a bit extreme but I did laugh.
I once was pushed to the limits with my teenage children, talking back, slamming doors, not being respectful etc. So I removed the bedroom doors. No privacy. None.
Best punishment ever. It didn’t hurt them, it didn’t humiliate them but it did give them some respect for my house, my rules and my ability to give and take away privacy.
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I love this.
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AWESOME. I’m putting this one in the memory bank IF it ever comes to that for me
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It did work wonders. Doors don’t get slammed they way they used to
My teens are now almost 21 and 19 so it’s not really necessary anymore, but my god it helped get some respect when they were in that 13-16 age group. Teenagers love nothing more than privacy and if you remember that you’ll always be one step ahead. He he he
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I’m with the dad on this one – she was acting like a spoilt, entitled brat and learnt her lesson the hard way.
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Whoa whoa whoa! Are you being sarcastic, Mia?? Please tell me you are. Look up the definition of family violence – deliberately destorying a beloved possession (by SHOOTING it no less – talk about frightening!!) to hurt someone couldn’t be a more obvious example of domestic violence. How can you possibly endorse that? If he’s prepared to be that violent, extreme and destructive on camera, imagine what he’s like behind closed doors!
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OMG. Bullshit! The kid isn’t bruised, battered, emotionally distraught… just pissed off! My husband threw out a stack of magazines recently. They were my magazines! I too was pissed off, but I didn’t feel like a victim of domestic violence. Puuhhhleeeeeeeeeeeeease…
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I think describing it as domestic violence is a bit extreme….it’s not like he deliberately destroyed some meaningful, beloved family heirloom for no reason…. she’s been given a laptop by her parents (I assume so given she noted she doesn’t have a job), she’s then abused the privilege and so he’s taken it back and broken it to ensure she knows she won’t be getting it back.
As for the gun… it does seem extreme but it’s also a pretty effective way of destroying something whilst being filmed! He could have dropped it from a roof or driven over it in a car but I doubt it would have come across so well on film… and if he’d broken it with, say, a baseball bat then the act of smashing it would probably have seemed even more violent and aggressive.
I do have mixed feelings on this… it’s the publishing it on youtube that bothers me… but the rest of it seems ok and certainly not “domestic violence”.
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Massive over reaction by the dad, I personally think he needs to grow the f*ck up.
Teenagers are meant to complain about their parents – its their job – and FB is the obvious place for them to do it. Teenagers have been complaining about their parents since forever!! Let the kid have a rant, who cares, laugh it off like a grown up. She didn’t share any family secrets and the worst swear word she used was shit?
Publicly humiliating your kid because they made a mistake is bad parenting.
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What happens when a teenage boy “disrespects,” oh how I hate that word, this father by fooling around with his daughter?
Trouser-snake Russian roulette, perhaps.
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I totally understand not only his anger and her miss use of Facebook and the Internet but her disrespect and disregard for what her parents do for her. I remember being a teenager and thinking the exact things she wrote. Its not until recently in my mid 20s that I understand and appreciate the chores. When I left home I would have really failed had I not known how to clean a bathroom, weed a garden or cook. Also, my parents forked out tens of thousands, probably hundreds of thousands of dollars raising me and giving things I wanted (like a lap top) so making a coffee or vacuuming is the very least I could do whilst they work their arses off.
Nothing but respect for this father, he fought the battle in her domain but remained mature and level headed!
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This is just embarrasing and ridiculous-what an attention seeking, immature man. why didn’t he sit down and talk to his daughter instead of posting an embarrasing rant on the internet?
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In the video, he says that this has happened previously and they have had the talk about putting things on facebook.
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Mia you salute a man smoking a ciggy, holding a gun and humiliating his 15 year old daughter so publicly. She is a child, who was out of line and disrespectful… Not exactly ground breaking behaviour for a teenager.
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I have two teenagers, both are on facebook and both are “friends” with my husband and I. We have talked to them about cyber safety and etiquette and we keep an eye on their pages but we are also mindful of respecting their privacy.
This generation of teenagers use facebook like we used to use the phone.
I’m sure that I had the occasional vent to a friend about the injustice of my life and the unreasonable expectations of my parents when I was a teen. Fortunately my Dad didn’t tape those conversations, broadcast them to the world and then destroy my possessions as punishment.
Teenagers do need to learn respect and appropriate behaviour. They learn from what you do, more than what you say.
The daughter was asked to do some simple chores and her response was disproportionate, dramatic and embarassing to her family. I’d say the apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree.
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It’s so funny. Just three years ago there were FB groups with thousands of members which proclaimed ‘I’ll never be a Facebook friend with my parents’ and now lots of my friends are. How things change when you grow up a bit and time goes by. Even only two years.
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I’m assuming this girl had some sort of privacy settings on Facebook (if she didn’t, what were her parents thinking)? So most likely the girl was only venting to people she could have said the same stuff to in person, or in a text etc. There was nothing outrageous about her post, nothing to differentiate it from thousands of other teenage rants that are posted on Facebook everyday, so anyone who wasn’t a friend wouldn’t have paid attention anyway. It’s hardly ‘humiliating’ to her family. It’s not something that would have caused her problems in the future.
I really don’t see how a silly Facebook post deserved this.
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I’m not sure why my comment was deleted (twice).
All I said was – Couldn’t he have dropped the laptop from a great height rather than shooting it?
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Isn’t he Texan? They do it differently there, lol!
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A mediator would have been appropriate. What this father has done is ugly, reactive, sooky, cruel and embarrassing. I hope she has a lot of resilience.
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Interesting.
I am not going to comment on his use of a gun but what struck a chord with me was how maligned he felt as a parent for trying to instil in his child a sense of responsibility.
I spent most of last year trying to get my 15 year old to get OFF Facebook, to get serious about studying (above average intelligence, below average results). I didn’t use a gun, ground her, take away her technology (though I tried) or publicly humiliate her.
I talked to her.
Asked her nicely yet firmly to do some work.
Eventually got frustrated and yelled – after she had spent 5 hours straight on Facebook with a Maths exam the next day.
The upshot of these repeated incidents?
She reported my ‘emotional abuse’ of her to the school nurse (without of course mentioning the reason why I shouted).
I was a hysterical bitch.
Next thing I know, I have child services on the phone, wanting an interview about my parenting, my abuse and the possible consequences of this. I did the interview – three hours spent analysing my parenting techniques by two Gen Y social workers who didn’t have children. I was accused of being a ‘tiger mother’, of setting impossibly high standards, of being a slave driver because I expect my children to do chores (hey, we ALL dirty the house!), of not allowing her a social life (because I won’t let her go to all night parties with alcohol?), of hindering her psychologically, and on … and on …. and on …
Needless to say that I was furious that I was considered a bad parent because I tried to establish boundaries and set some guidelines.
Imagine if I had shot her laptop?
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I am so sorry you had to endure that
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I don’t understand why you would have had to face two social workers for ‘emotional abuse’. If emotional abuse was punishable by law, my ex-boyfriend would be in prison.
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Wow! That’s a shocker. You poor thing. The thing I got from your comment and also from the video of that Dad is just how hard and hurtful it is be the parent of a kid that is taking you for granted, disrespectful and got a massive sense of entitlement. At that age many kids are completely narcissistic and it takes something quite dramatic to remind them that they are not the centre of the entire universe. Like you and that Dad I know what it’s like to be hurt by a child’s dishonesty and ungrateful disdain. It sucks and it takes a superhuman to not act on your anger. To you perfect parents who judge, some kids are harder to bring up than the average teenager for a multitude of reasons. It’s a fact. Think yourself lucky you’ve got easy ones. I know that because if you had tricky ones you’d be more sympathetic. (And within the context of Dallas, Texas, using a gun to destroy a laptop would be completely normal. We, of course, would use a skim latte, or a bottle of Piz Buin). Let’s support each other. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, a stressed parent needs help or empathy not judgement or an interview with Child Services.
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I ring Community services all day long for extreme physical and emotional abuse. And they rarely investigate it. So i seriously doubt you were interviewed for 3 hours by two social workers.
But if it is true, then the age of the social workers is irrelevant, and how did you know they did not have kids?
And so what if you were interviewed, do you want to live in world where these things are not investigated?
Having said that, your boundaries sound good to me…
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I think he seems really in control and very serious about the point he is making…personally I find guns scary, but in Texas or wherever he is from they think of guns in a different context. I would have used a hammer myself – much more graphic with bits of electronics all over the shop.
Interesting thing to do and I hope his daughter gets a job and a new laptop on her own.
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My daughter’s on exchange in the U.S. and firearms are par for the course in every home. So the use of a gun to destroy the laptop is not over-the-top in an American context.
I think he is an AWESOME dad because he obviously takes his responsibilities as a parent seriously and is very engaged in his daughter’s life. Too many parents these days are intimated by their teens and don’t tackle problem behaviours. So what if his tactics aren’t perfect. Who’s are?
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Mia, I do disagree with you on this one thing – I don’t “salute” the father for fighting “public humiliation with public humiliation”. I agree with you that he has shown admirable restraint in dealing with the media afterwards and a ‘reasonably’ considered written response online. But I really don’t feel comfortable with a parent using public humiliation – and especially online – with a teenager or otherwise. It’s great that he believes in his daughter’s resilience and that he believes she has come through it “just fine” – and probably being her parent, he is right in his observations about this.(I really hope so)
But do you really want to salute a parent using social media in this way? Do you really feel parents should be saluted for any kind of public humiliation of their children?
I know people will justify this by saying they sympathise with a parent being at their wit’s end with sullen, disrespectful teenage behaviour. I do totally sympathise with this feeling – it’s a tough gig – and many of us (myself included) will make many mistakes along the way because it’s a challenge to have our buttons pressed constantly. But teens are still developing self- restraint, decision-making skills – there’s a lot still going on in their brain development. And they are also watching and learning from some of our behaviour.
So although I sympathise with the father in many ways, I feel really uncomfortable about having his behaviour saluted by you – because you have so much influence – and because although I have not met you, I share so many of your values. (I hope we do meet, by the way.) Would you please reconsider your view on this while still sympathising with why the father got to the point of taking out a gun and shooting it into a laptop (including “one for the mother”)?
Please reconsider suggesting that this is a very modern way to educate a daughter …?
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Yvette, I am so with you. I still haven’t been able to bring myself to watch the video but have read much about it.
I cannot get beyond the gun. I just can’t. And I don’t want to. Having worked in domestic violence, the thought of teaching a child a lesson in this way is chilling.
While this father, outside of the actual incident, has shown sanity in other respects (particularly the refusal to engage the media), the fact that he is now admired for his actions is truly worrying.
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“I cannot get beyond the gun. I just can’t. And I don’t want to.”
Same here.
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Yep, fighting humiliation with humiliation. That’ll work.
Like Michelle, I haven’t watched it.
It’s the gun.
Indeed I’m kinda sad that you re-posted the video on MamaMia.
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I’m glad the Dad took such a sensible approach to the aftermath. He sounds like a level headed, good dad. He seems like a decent man with strong values, wanting to do the best by his kids.
I’m fine with him getting rid of her computer – but surely he could have given it away or sold it. I guess gun culture is very different in the US.
I don’t think there is ever a need for firearms in disciplining your kids.
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One of the hardest things of being a parent is criticism from other parents about how you handle your family situation. Every family is different, every parent is different and every child is different and no one size fits all. Did Tommy Jordan make a statement? Absolutely! Does his approach suit everyone? No. Could he have handled it better – probably. But it is evident that the family had tried other tactics to no avail. People who defend the teenager by saying that “this is what all teenagers do, whinge and whine”, or “she didn’t really do any harm, it’s what teenagers do”, are simply avoiding taking action, giving teenagers an excuse. Ineffective action is just as harmful as over-action. Let’s just take this to a different level in that if this girl felt she could say such hurtful things about her parents in a public domain then what prevents her from cyber-bullying (actually isn’t she cyber-bullying her parents)? She needs to clearly learn that there is a platform to be heard but on many occasions it is not suitable for a public hearing. What if she goes on to do this to an employer? Addressing the “teenagers will be teenagers” line of thought. This doesn’t make it right and doesn’t teach hotwired teenagers right from wrong or acceptable behaviour from unacceptable behaviour. When my son was being sexually assaulted by another student in his own year, the head of middle school simply stated to our family and to the family whose son readily admitted his behaviour, that nothing can be done about it as “boys will be boys, it’s something that boy’s do especially now that they are so exposed to porn”. So he was unprepared to do anything about it, the boy’s family walked out relieved that no repercussions were coming their way and we walked out with a shattered, disillusioned 11 year old boy. To add, this boy had been expelled from another school the previous year for the same behaviour and has just been pulled up again for now assaulting a girl. Unchecked or poorly checked unacceptable behaviour creates more unacceptable behaviour. Teenagers today are so incredibly pampered and demand more than any other generation, and give so little in return. And parents make excuses that they want their children to study or socialise. But we need to also set guidelines, expectations, responsibilities and consequences. Just because they are teenagers doesn’t mean they opt out of family life and rules. They should apply even moreso. So Tommy Jordan, I personally wouldn’t have shot the laptop (mainly because I don’t have a gun licence), but I am suspecting your daughter didn’t heed any other advice, guidance or consequences. So if you felt that drastic action was the way to grab her attention then that is your own decision. If you had done nothing or handled it in the typical cotton-wool approach that so many parents are handling the Facebook epidemic and your daughter had gone on to cyber-bully another teen – leading to the unhappiness of another teenager, then Sir, you would have also failed in the eyes of the same people who critise your methods today. It’s not what I would do – but I am not perfect and am still muddling my way through parenthood and all the critics. Your business is none of mine.
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We need to do coffee!
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paragraphs please
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My parents did something similar when I was younger – we were away for easter, my brother and I had an Easter egg hunt, a fight broken out between my brother and I, and I punched him in the face. This wasn’t the first time we had gotten physical! As punishment, easter was cancelled. We continued to fight, not learning anything.
Next thing you know, dad whacks a dead rabbit down on the table and pronounces “Easter is cancelled forever, I shot the Easter bunny”
We didn’t fight after that.
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Go Dad! it is our choice as parents to do what we think is best for our children. He obviously thought this would have the most impact and it looks like it did. I am not going to judge him on his actions, this is a teenager we are talking about not a 2 year old. The girl will not be traumatised by it,hopefully she will learn not to disrespect her parents again publicly.
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damn you Mamamia! You have done this a few times now. I have read an article and decided ‘I know just how I feel about that’, looked at the comments and then had to re-think my original thoughts.
Thank you for allowing comments and conversation on so many topics, I have really challenged the way I see some things recently and its thanks to some posts on here.
This guy? mmmm… my jury is still out on this one.
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I know! Happens to me alllll the time.
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My old man hates guns, which is why, when I was on the phone for too long as a youth, he cut the telephone cord with a big fuck-off knife. He also cut the tv cord off when none of us stood up to offer him a seat in the lounge. No aggression, just dial tones and black tv screens.
Some fond memories.
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My dog has a facebook page. She doesn’t update it much because it’s hard to type with paws.
https://www.facebook.com/littledoglittle
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Good to see he has some boundaries in place for his children.
As a parent of a 12yo who is…newsflash…too young to be on facebook, I am being worn down by her protests because so many of her friends are allowed on it. I am standing firm and taking her schools adivce on the topic, she is not old enough. But it is so tiring. But I am puzzled by parents who know their child is too young but still let them use it anyway. I have tried to explain to her that 12yos who are allowed to do things they shouldnt will continue that way, and they will be the 15yo’s out at night drinking and thinking they’re ‘cool’ because their parents wont suddenly start setting boundaries for them. If anything they’ll become more relaxed. I have boundaries and I plan to stick to them.
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My son is 13 and has Facebook and has plenty of boundaries! Just because I have let him have an account doesn’t mean I don’t stalk him and enforce rules and boundaries. He respects my rules and follows them. I think you are generalizing too much.
Just because he has Facebook doesn’t mean he had a free for all life…just saying.
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13 is the age from which Facebook allows you to have an account.
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If I wanted to punish her by removing the computer from her, I wouldn’t have wasted that computer by shooting it with a gun, I would have sold it, and recouped some of the money I’d spent on it.
The fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree. He’s a douche, so he shouldn’t expect anything better from his offspring.
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I commented what I thought of this on another post after another MM’er put up the link.
He’s a horrible Dad, I don’t care what the end result might be with his daughter’s behaviour.
If my Dad did that to me…I’d be heartbroken and mortified. She was a snotty little teenage brat just venting. He’s a grown man with a gun and a chip on his shoulder with his own kid. Ugh. Hated it.
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So hang on, when she does it she’s just venting, but when he does it he has a chip on his shoulder?
You’d be mortified and heartbroken if your dad did that? Ever think this dad was mortified and heartbroken to see his child write such horrible things for all the world to see?
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She’s an adolescent – adolescent thinking, feeling…egocentric and selfish..it’s a phase that most grow out of. He is a grown man playing tit for tat. And yeah, I stand by thinking it’s awful what he has done.
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Sorry, I didn’t realise teens were supposed to be given a free pass to do whatever they wanted to do whilst adults had to be held accountable.
Quick question: how do these adults learn to be accountable in the first place? Oh, that’s right! By teaching them right from wrong when they’re younger.
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Totally agree! I was extremely egocentric and selfish as a teenager and my parents never let me get away with it… oh the battles! I had my stuff thrown in the pool, thrown out of windows, thrown on the floor – even thrown at me!
At the time I *hated* them! But I am now so grateful that my parents fought and fought to stop me becoming a spoilt, ungrateful brat… I have friends in their 20s and 30s now who got away with everything from their parents and now continue to act in that way as adults – the sense of self-entitlement is incredible!
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I agree with you. There are consequences to every action. No child is too young to learn this.
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Interesting how many comments are about the gun AND THE CIGARETTE. As though being a smoker = violent, or says something about his character. I happen to hate smoking, but… it’s not illegal, and smoking doesn’t make him or anyone else a bad person.
I’m not sure how I feel about the whole thing being posted on youtube, but overall I’m pretty fine with the video. I know he used a gun but I didn’t get a sense of anger or violence, just frustration. If he’d been yelling, swearing at her, calling her names, then maybe. But he seemed calm, albeit fed up. And from his later comments it seems like he has a good relationship with his daughter and that they actually talked it through pretty thoroughly. If he’d ranted and raved, shot the laptop and then refused to speak with his daughter, that would be a very different story.
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It’s not that he’s a smoker so much as the fact that he chose to smoke through the video – that decision made him look like a bit of a twit. There’s a time and a place for smoking – and in that video, it looked as odd as if he were smoking through a job interview.
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If parents don’t punish their teenagers/children for writing those kinds of posts on Facebook in years to come they’ll be tempted to write something similar about their employer THEN they’ll be fired for doing so and that’s the end of their employment record. Better to be punished now than later.
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Great point Gypsy. I think this is something thats really important to remember. Kids getting away with bad behaviour and anti social activities by their parents only makes it more difficult for them to cope with the consequences when they’re older, especially when its then out of the parents control.
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When I was v.little I posted a matchbox toy down the detergent shoot of the washing machine. Seemed like a logical thing to do at the time.
The washing machine repair man was called and my dad was presented with the Postman Pat van I’d sent into the washer.
He made me watch him while he hit it with a hammer on the doorstep.
And, to this day I’ve NEVER posted a matchbox toy into the washer!
Matt x
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Onya, Matt.
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I am not convinced he is dad of the year- she oviously is a obnoxious little thing. Needs punishment yes. But 20 000 000 witnesses to the humiliation? Bit OTT. Gun’s Cigarettes? – He looks like a control freak nutter to me.
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Seems a bit like overkill to me – could he not have just responded to her comments on facebook? When all her friends read the comments and realised her dad had access to her page, wouldn’t she have been shamed enough anyway?
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Just wish he hadn’t used a GUN!
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I bin my kids toys if they really muck up . Seems to work and as a bonus I get to declutter
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Yeah, but what do you the next day when you need to keep them occupied and they’re really missing their favourite toy, all the while nagging and nagging you for it?
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Fascinating.
Once you get past the crazy gun thing, you can see what a genuis bit of parenting has just taken place.
I find it interesting the comments made about her having to do too many chores. We worked fairly hard when I was growing up (and whined about it!) and I’m a big believer in children contributing to their family as they grow up. I have worked for a few years with migrant and refugee kids, many from impoverished nations, with large families and all ages of children from newborn through to teenagers. One thing that fascinates me is that on the whole the kids seem to lack the teenage angst and extreme selfishness that characterises so many of our western teens.
With a lot of observation and question the differences I can glean is that each kid is expected to work, and work hard in the home. Nearly all my students would go home and wash, clean, cook, and take care of younger siblings for several hours. None of the kids ever, ever complained. In fact, they expressed shock and disgust at the whiny attitudes of many Australian-born kids, and their disrespectful attitudes to their parents. They seem so grateful for the chance to be in this country and worked their butts off studying and learning. They humbled me.
I am a big believer in natural consequences for kids. (“bummer you are so whiny and grumpy, and haven’t done your chores. I was planning to take you swimming but now we won’t be able to go!”)
I really think we mollycoddle our kids and allow them to exhibit self-centred ‘teen’ behaviour that just is not often seen in other cultures.
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Having a pubescent 11yo who has just started High School, I can understand his frustration. I threaten and I threaten to take things away and it never does any good – she still speaks to her Mother with disrespect.
Yes, this is normal, Yes, this is part of growing up. Had I done it when I was 11 I would have copped a backhander from my father. No, she doesn’t get that, and rarely even gets yelled at.
Now I have convinced her, by showing her this video, that I mean business. I have threatened to remotely wipe her iPod Touch so many times. Why not just take it off her ? Because it won’t have the same effect as remotely wiping it and letting her still “use” it with nothing but the pre-installed software.
Same as the anticipation of punishment is effective to an order of magnitude greater than the punichment itself.
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Stop making the threats. She’ll stop listening to you. Just do it. It’s amazing how rarely you have to do this sort of thing.
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On a tangent, my dog has his own facebook page. Just sayin’.
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Don’t start me ..
Needless to say I have put my foot through a Nintendo at 7am in the morning (we didn’t bring it into the house to substitute breakfast or another gadget to cause fights amongst our kids)
I am “the mother from hell” when it comes to protecting my kids online. I will hack and stalk their every move until I believe they are mature enough to understand their actions. They are not allowed onto any social websites unless I have their username and passwords, and I will stalk previous messages and posts. I have caught my son talking like a porn star via “instant messaging” ON FACEBOOK to his girlfriend, and vice versa … and I have read the most vile conversations of another son’s friends in describing what they would get up to on a weekend at ours … (needless to say it didn’t happen).
I have been told by other parents that I “have no right” to snoop around into their personal lives. My answer …
“I wiped his bum, I blew his nose, I sat by his bed when he was ill and I have celebrated major life achievements to get him this far … I will not have all that work undone by a stupid decision made by an immature teenager who thinks with his dick and not his brain” … when he is 25 and wanting to work in education, medicine, public service etc … hopefully he will thank me that I am the “www” police and not one of the minority of parents who believe “they deserve their privacy”.
I have not installed cameras into their bedrooms and I do not read handwritten journals. But if theY say it online, and they are in my care … I WILL HUNT IT DOWN and I will judge it … because I am their primary carer and I love them … AND ITS MY FREAKING JOB!
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another me!!!! how great.
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Now this is the mum Im going to be when my kids get to the teen years!
Bravo!
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Bit OTT
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Teaching them what is right and what is wrong for online is probably better than invading their privacy, and ‘stalking’ them will never let them learn from their mistakes. I’d hate to have my mother reading my messages to my boyfriend… what happens when in a couple of years when he might start having sex with his girlfriend? Will you be knocking on the door and taking notes? Middle ground, people, middle ground!
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I don’t think she has an issue with things done in privacy, if it’s online though, it’s in public!
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With my kids, they will know that if they are under 18, there is NO privacy for them when they are online. They can have their privacy in a less dangerous way/place
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Do we need to form a coffee morning …
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Haha, bring it on! (except I will have coke not coffee:P)
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I just said that to my 12yo last night! If you’re under 18 and living in my house, I get to know all your passwords and (potentially) see everything you do online. If you’re still a minor, you’re under my care and I intend to care for you whether you like it or not!
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Awesome! I too, have been told I am OTT and a control freak but when my teenage son was involved in an abusive FB argument between his year at school (yr12!!) we knew all about it. I left it alone while the vitriol pinged about until one of the other MOTHERS got involved. She started pouring abuse onto my son and threatening him with physical harm (she was going to slash his face with a broken bottle next time she saw him – lovely!) Now there was a supposed “grownup” entering into it, I reported her to FB and the police. She received a caution from the police and FB pulled the entire conversation and the photo that had started it all.
To all of that, other parents said I was invading the kids privacy and that reporting that mother to the police was to OTT and unwarranted. Was I supposed to just let her threaten my son?
Our children have been raised to do chores for the family (as was said before, we all make the mess!) including laundry. We have also belonged to various volunteer organisations and encouraged them to understand that belonging to a community means that you have a responsibility to it as well and that those that can do, should! Therefore, we belong the the local surf club and rural fire brigade and attend patrols/fires as a family.
My daughter is now 23 and son 20. They are both good community members and flatmates. My son actually taught his girlfriend how to make a bed and do the laundry as she never had to do that at home! I think THAT is terrible parenting! He is also a better cook!
Maybe shooting the laptop was extreme, but if it got the point across, more power to him!
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You know, I have a teen step daughter living here, and honestly, when these fb fights happens, sometimes the ‘mothers’ joining are worse than the kids!!
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You can be polite and obviously not the child when you “interfere”. I saw someone bullying one of my kids on messenger, shoved her out the was and made the bully aware that he/she was now talking to a mother that would report him/her to the police if it continued.
Sadly, perhaps, I’ve told a few younger kids/adults to pull their heads in over some of the ruder/more agressive posts I’ve seen them out up on their Facebook walls. Oddly enough no one has defriended me over this.
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That’s not the type of behaviour I was talking about. I was talking about mothers using the f word, the c word, threatening teens with physical violence
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at the end of the day, what we have to look at here is..in most households from past generations and including this one it seems, children do not have a voice. the parent is ALWAYS right. as a child i as with many others were not allowed to vent or question. we could be seen but not heard. our generation helps buffer physcologists wages..lol! i love that my child can feel he can slam a door because he’s frustrated if he can’t articulate his frustration at the time and do it knowing he can feel safe in expressing himself. freedom of expression. obviously hannah jordan’s dad hasn’t heard of it.
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I think there are two issues. One is freedom of expression which I think it sounds like she has from the discussion they had afterwards and the other is publicly humiliating her family.
One thing all people should realise when they write on the internet is that they are then published. If you wouldn’t put it in a book and publish it and you don’t want everyone to know then don’t put it out there.
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Loved it. Not so sure of the gun ( and I grew up with guns) but good on him. Saying that ‘she is just a teenager’ doesn’t cut it! She was punished for the same thing before.
As a mother of a teen girl who had her teen moments all I can say is that it’s refreshing to see parents make their kids responsible for their (the kids) actions. She was disrespectful and ungrateful and done that in a public way. In my eyes the punishment fit the crime..
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I have the utmost respect for this man. He admits he is not perfect,etc. But how rare is it that a person in his position, with the potential to make LOTS of money and have heaps of screen time and media coverage, has refused to go down that path.
Yay, good on him, I say, for raising his kids the way he wants and for sticking to his guns!
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I found this father’s anger disturbing and then the gun- OMG – what happens when his daughter does something worse? Will he pump 8 bullets into her? He seemed to be seething and I would worry about a Dad – with a gun – who can get that angry.
I’m not saying he shouldn’t punish his daughter for breaking rules, etc., I just find the American way with guns a little hard on my sensibilities.
There’s a reason the USA has the highest murder rate in the western world and it’s because of the “right to bear arms” mixing with normal human emotions is never a good combo.
I’m glad he and his daughter seem to have worked things out. I just worry about all those other crazies out there that might pick up their gun when they get angry….