This is why you should be monitoring what your kids look at.
by DEBORAH WILLIAMS
Twelve-year-old Jordan is following Hot Bikini Babez.
As is his friend Jay. But Jay is also following Hota Girls, Hottest People on Earth and Blonde Bitch Lyfe – which apart from their obvious spelling problems, send pictures culled from men’s magazines and online sources several times a day, directly to his smartphone or iPad.
Welcome to the word of Instagram – a photo sharing app which has been embraced by photographers posting amazing photographs from around the world as well as ordinary folk like you and I, sharing photos of our travels, our families, our pets. It has been similarly embraced by tech-savvy preteens.
And from what I have seen, many of them are doing it unchecked, as unlike Internet searches, their Instagram activity will not show up in their Internet history. And don’t the kids know it…
One of Instagram’s features is the ability to see photos that your friends have ‘liked’ and recently I saw a friend’s daughter had ‘liked’ a photo of my 12-year-old – a photo I had not taken.
And a close up…
Intrigued, I clicked on it and discovered many of my daughter’s friends; profiles open to the whole world, posting information that goes against every single aspect of Internet safety that they have been taught at school and at home.
Names, location, school information and even their pets names are all readily available on their open profiles (Instagram has the ability to have a private profile, but most of the preteens aren’t using it – instead trying to garner a large number of followers. “Follow me and I’ll follow you back” is a common refrain).
I saw her friend Bella, whose profile describes her as a ‘follower of Jesus’ with a photo of herself in a bikini posing in front of a mirror, sunglasses on, lips pursed.
“Yeah baby you da sexy,” is one of the comments from a boy in her class.
A pile of other 12-year-old boys also commented using the word ‘sexy’ – as if a 12-year-old could or should be sexy.
Bella’s profile is open and she has posted a lot of identifying information. It would take an online predator minutes, maybe seconds to find her.
Also shocking was the online gossiping – the catty remarks 12-year-old girls are notorious for, now online for the world to see. Permanently. One poor girl – a nice and very clever girl, whose parents would no more allow her on Instagram than they would allow her to go nightclubbing, copped a particularly bad roasting – her smiling picture posted online by a classmate, with many of her ‘friends’ leaving comments, labeling her annoying and “the meanest person eva”.
Just for perspective, this is what Instagram’s ‘popular’ page look likes. It’s puppies and fashion etc…
It would be devastating for her confidence – if she knew about it.
Please don’t get me wrong, I love Instagram and I have no plans to stop using it. I love the artistry, and imagination of the many talented photographers. And I love that it allows me to keep up with my friend’s lives.
But it’s not a safe place for children.
The thought of anyone reading all the cringe-worthy things I wrote in my diary as a 12-year-old horrifies me. Yet that’s effectively what these kids are doing – opening their diary to the entire world. And with pictures too.
And then there’s the porn – which is a whole other topic.
But what I am saying is, parents, if your child has a smartphone or an ipad, you NEED to join Instagram to see what they are up to. Please. To save them from their 12-year-old selves. Their older selves will thank you for it.
Deborah Williams is a former journalist with too many opinions. You can read some of them here.
Do you monitor your child’s social media use?
Go here to read about the important things your teenager needs to know about using social media.
Comments
109 Comments so far
If parents are going to start monitoring their child’s online doings, they might as well put cameras on their children’s heads, and follow them at school and wherever they go. PURE GENIUS!
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God I am so lucky I wasnt born into that family. I would hang myself if my mother was that snoopy.
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After monitoring them and you find soft porn with using Sniper Spy. You sit them down and tell them it’s ok to have the feelings, but don’t get overly happy to the point you think you’re getting that. Love is much more that big body parts. Most men that lust after ends up with a person that doesn’t have that. So don’t get your hopes up. Plus the other thing out ways it.
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I use phone sheriff. It lets them text and do what ever and I monitor and step in when needed and they know it’s for your good. When the day is over the parent is the parent and the child will be the child. Not to worried about the kids feelings about me keeping them safe.
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Calm down its normal i know that all my friends look at porn videos and masterbate almost everyday and whe started when we were about 10 when he grows up ans is 14 or so he will finally ask u for pics of girls in his room i am
12 i have a responsible mother and she takes care of me and i hve pictures of girls in my room its just normal for a 12 yo boy to get sexually attracted to girls sometimes i cant help myself and i touched a great girls but in my class yesterday so its normal u might be just overeacting
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This is why it’s important to monitor your children
Yes it’s normal but you should not be sexually active yet. We live in a different time and you perfectly describe why parents need to… well… parent. I like this topic because not so much the 12 year olds masturbating to 12 year olds but the F’d up old men who are doing the same thing.
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Get with the program people.
It’s not hard to find out if your child has fake facebook accounts.
If they have a 2nd or 3rd account, they’ll still have their close friends on their friends list. It’s not hard to search the said friends list to look for fake accounts.
The idea is not to give your child reason to do it. Give rewards and consequences in whatever is your child’s currency and you’ll be fine.
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Seriously? “not to give the child reason to do it” Are you for real? Do you actually have a 12yr old or aprox age? 13yr old gets even better, going into high school, they have more access than you could imagine! Children want to be adults at that age, so they see all the sexual crap in everyday…..(walk down the street/ tv) I do not allow anything like that on my tv, but even ads now do not seem to be ok. Dont get me started on music or their clips!!! Society gives them the reason!!! NOT the normal loving and very worried parent!
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Yes, I have 3 teens, and they are doing GREAT. Yes, they muck up at times, face the punishment and move forward.
The times…they are a-changing…get with it.
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As far as I’m concerned, some parents need their mobile phones taken away too. Parent don’t supervise their children at playgrounds anymore. They text.
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So, this weekend I looked at my 13 year old daughters computer to find out she had been sexting with her friend via Skype. Her friend is a 13 year old girl as well. They weren’t doing it to arouse each other, but to be funny and ‘cool’. My daughter claims she didn’t really know what some of it was she was saying. I was very candid with her and told her the meanings of the acts and words. I hope I shocked her a bit. Her comments to her friend were extremely explicit. I asked where she was getting the comments and information and she said ‘on the bus’. She also mentioned going to a site – http://www.webnaughty.com – I was a bit shocked by the nudity and explicit nature of the site on the homepage – and I’m not a prude.
She also mentioned knowing about CTRL/Shift/N – it makes your web browser go incognito – I didn’t even know about that and I’m on my computer all day for work.
My daughter has Skype to talk to her overseas cousins. Actually, she no longer has use of her computer since I found this. She does not have a Facebook page (she had just asked for one that afternoon).
It really worries me that she was being so disrespectful to her friend (calling each other slut and whore), and the things she was saying – made me blush. My heart was broken. I have no idea if I handled the situation well or not. I chose to not tell her father (she begged me not to), but am holding it over her head a bit. And I made her call her friend to apologise and let her know I knew.
I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on this one.
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hi anon, I think you did the right thing by your dauther and her friend too and i am sure she realised how naive she was being and on top of it all, this situation has given you a great opportunity for a good heart to heart chat about it all, i am sure she has lerned a lesson and so have you
I’d give her sometime and if she is interested in fb again, maybe let her have an account and monitor it, as be friends with her and some of her friends as well. i believe we need to give our children some credit, at the end of the day we all learn from our mistakes. good luck
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Dear Anon, I find this all so depressing. Innocence is gone so young with all this easy access and instant communication. I can understand how shocked and utterly disappointed you would be feeling with this. It’s really sad how young girls actually talk to eachother in this degrading way. Maybe they don’t even realise the meaning and total lack of respect it projects onto themselves. It makes as much sense as stabbing yourself in the eye. The Internet and other gadgets are a fantastic resource but hasn’t it created a hideous array of problems too. I think you handled it extremely well. I also strongly believe children have far too bloody much. They’re a generation obsessed, I find it pretty disturbing and worrying that all sorts of smut is permeating into young minds and souls. I have three children, the oldest 12. I do wonder how honest she is about what she’s seen (ie. With friends, in the schoolyard etc). She has access to computer at home and is pretty savvy. She is very sweet and caring as are my other two. It is really depressing that we have these issues so rampant on so many levels. Stay on guard, don’t give up. Hope it all settles down and your daughter realises the negative impact of these actions and behaviours. We just don’t want to believe our kids are doing this, it’s pretty sad really.
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I firmly believe that no child at this age should have access,or even worse,their own profiles/accounts for things like tumblr,facebook or Instagram.Parental control and Restrictions on iPods are very helpful in those matters…
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LOL at your naivity.
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Agree totally
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I mean I agree with Anouk.
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Just out of curiousity, how are you going to police that at school on their friends mobiles or at sleepovers? Or on the wi-fi at maccas or at grandparents house? Where there is a will, there’s a way. The more you try and control teenagers, the more they will rebel.
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I agree with the sentiment, but not the method suggested here. As a teenager, I would have been highly *highly* P’d off if my parents had been that intrusive. I would have been insulted that they didn’t trust me to make my own reasonable judgments between harmful and harmless. Kids will see what’s out there no matter what you do, your best weapon is to educate them and teach them the difference between using social media appropriately and not.
For example, before anything goes on my fb page, I ask, would I mind if a) my grandmother saw it or b) my employer. Obviously as a 12 year old, those questions wouldn’t be the same, but trust your kids, give them the responsibility, let them know you’re counting on them not to hurt others, and let them bugger up and learn the consequences (like I did!!) – don’t interfere, or you’ll lose their trust, and they’ll stop telling you things that are important to them. If you sneak around their profile they’re sure as hell not going to tell you when they are legitimately worried by something.
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Forget Instagram….have you seen what’s on Tumblr??
I have a 13 yr old daughter. She has facebook, instagram and twitter. I have her passwords and randomly check her accounts.
I also have a requirement that she has me as “friends” on facebook and instagram so I keep tabs on where she’s at. I’m also “friends” with many of her school friends, so it’s relativelly easy to see what’s going on in her world.
When she is 16, she can have control over her passwords etc. So far, I’ve got nothing to worry about.
My daughter also attends a school where the students have a secret file that they can share downloaded movies, and in the case of most students with laptops, watch at their own leisure.
I prefer to work on having an open relationship with my daughter that is realistic in her world.today.
For those parents who think their child can’t hide things, don’t be so naive.
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That’s not how I’d have gone about it, but I like the idea. 13 is very young, so maybe having her passwords is appropriate….
As you say, I’d much rather have the open relationship with my parents, rather than feel like they’re interfering or don’t trust me to make my own decisions. You’re much better off letting them know what’s acceptable and leaving them to it!
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“For those parents who think their child can’t hide things, don’t be so naive.”
maybe you need to re-read what you typed there.
I can almost guarantee your daughter and her friends have second or third accounts on some of those sites which you do not know about.
ignorance is bliss i suppose
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I’d bet my life savings that my daughter doesn’t have other accounts
She has no need, and I’ve been intelligent enough to let her grow in an open environment.
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Nope, they all have parent accounts that they keep somewhat cutesy and active. And then they have real accounts which they use more regularly. Once you load the app, you can’t tell how many accounts have been set up.
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I’m in two minds about this.
The internet is a dangerous dangerous place. I friend of mine was chatting with a guy once when he showed up at her door, she freaked out. She had no idea how much information she was giving out. These kids do know, yet they haven’t yet learned to be scared. Maybe that’s a good thing or maybe we should be scared for them.
All I know was that I grew up pre-internet and my older brothers and I were stealing and looking at porn by the time I was 11. By 14 I was defying my mother by sneaking out of the house at night and going to parties. I lost my virginity at 15 as I felt I was an adult and hated the fact that my mother was still treating me as a child. I must have been a nightmare, but looking back with adult eyes I can still remember the frustration and anger I felt.
Stalk your children all you want but please don’t forget to show them some basic respect. My happiest friends are the one’s who had parents that sat them down and talked to them, something my mother never did. The internet allows them to connect with their friends, that’s what is important to them right now. All you can do is educate them and hope some of it sinks in.
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I find it interesting that groups/profiles with these sorts of detect-via-script-obviously-soft-porn-content-user-names remain there for months/years and pictures of breastfeeding babies are pulled within seconds.
Great priorities we have as a society.
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My 4yo is so beautiful and innocent that I wish he could stay this way forever.
I’m not looking forward to the technology he’ll be faced with at 12yo. I’m guessing he’ll have a laptop or iPad (or something similar) for school and that the Internet will be coming through every TV in the house.
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I hate to break it to you, Deborah, but this is fairly normal. When I was 12 (I am now 24) I was reading smut on the internet, and I had a (reasonably anonymous) Livejournal account. If it exists, they will find it, and no amount of well-intentioned monitoring is going to stop it. What it WILL do is probably make your kids less likely to trust you and talk to you when they need to.
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I’m actually finding the opposite to be the case: because we are involved in our kids’ lives, including monitoring the internet among other things, our kids talk to us about anything and everything, especially when they really need us.
I’ve no doubt my 11 year old could find smut on the net quite easily. But I know, based on her internet history, that she is not.
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You mean she hasn’t figured out how to delete the history of the offending websites and leave the innocuous ones intact? I learned that about 20 minutes after my first experience with Internet Explorer!
Never underestimate the internet savvy of today’s kids. (Especially when they want to play Neopets and the Parentals have banned internet games!)
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Well, if she can sit there and read smut sites in full view of us without us knowing then I take my hat off to her.
She actually gets really uncomfortable about those types of sites, and when she has come across anything inappropriate in the past, she’s come to us to tell us about it, as I mentioned re: red tube in comments below.
The only places she uses the net is at home and at school, she doesn’t use it at friends’ places, so really, I’m sure she doesn’t read smut. Mostly because I know her personality and that it pretty much grosses her out
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And your kid may very well not be curious about that kind of stuff yet. But a LOT of your average 12-year olds are, and believing they aren’t purely because you haven’t seen any evidence really doesn’t mean much when covering one’s tracks on the net is very simple.
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I know a lot of kids that age are curious about that stuff. Just because a lot of kids are using the internet the way you describe you were, doesn’t make it ‘normal’ or ok.
Like I said, I monitor my child’s usage. I don’t just check history, we also make sure she uses the net in the same room as us in plain view.
And yes, I know there’s no fool proof method for parents, but put it this way: if any of my kids are doing anything they’re specifically not allowed to do on the net, they get banned. Simple.
My main thing I wanted to take up with you was in your first post, where you stated kids won’t talk to their parents when they need them if they monitor their usage. All I wanted to point out that this is not always true. Mine are monitored closely, and they talk to me about everything. They’re not afraid to come to me when they need me.
Are you suggesting that parents shouldn’t bother monitoring their kids’ usage, and just accept that pre-teens engaging in internet filth is A-ok? Because that’s how your opening post came across.
My methods may not be 100%, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to give up and not bother.
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“Mine are monitored closely, and they talk to me about everything.”
Do they?
I’m not saying you shouldn’t monitor your kids internet usage. In fact, you definitely should, to a point. But neither should you pull wool over your eyes with regards to what your kids can and do do on the internet.
(note here I’m actually using ‘you’ generically, not specifically referring to you)
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I agree with you on not pulling the wool over our eyes, of course. That’s why we monitor these things. I’m not saying ‘my daughter will never…’ I’m just grateful that right now she isn’t, you know?
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I find that once the teens ‘discover’ and start using an app or social media site, the whole feel changes. I’ve had instagram since it launched in 2010 and now it’s full of crappy ‘selfies’ and porn depending on the age of the people you follow. Mostly is arty and hipster! Facebook also changed after the teens ditched MySpace and go into Facebook. Sounds like Pinterest is the next one. It really annoys me that the technology or the app gets a bad name when it’s clearly the users who ruin it. What to do about it? I have no idea. It’s scary and subversive and I don’t think we can stop it
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I agree.
I loved facebook when only uni students could join. Then it opened up to everybody and it changed alot.
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I know that I am going to be shot down for this, but the way Deborah describes how she monitors her sons internet use is a little disconcerting. While I admit that I don’t have any kids, I would have been mortified if my parents tried to follow my activities online. If anything, that kind of interfernce would have made me do the opposite of what my parents would have wanted. You use the example of a 12 year old putting their ‘diary’ online. While I agree that most people would cringe at their 12 yr old selves, a form of self expression among like minded peers is not entirely a bad thing, and I think that parents should refrain from overly involving themselves in every aspect of their childs life. How is monitoring a facebook/intergram account any different from reading your childs diary? I do note the security implications, but it does become a fine line. I have always had a great relationship with both of my parents, and I think that it is primarily because they didn’t cross any lines in relation to my own personal privacy. Sure, I made mistakes, but when I did I was comfortable talking to them and asking for their advice and assistance. Quite frankly if I were Deborah’s kids and I knew my mother was stalking not only my profile but that of my friends I would resent that a little bit. While I am not advocating that all parents should stand back and allow their kids to look at porn online and make themselves vulerable to internet predators, I think that most kids are smarter then that and this article is simply trying to scare parents into thinking that the internet is causing more harm then it really is. 12 year olds are not really children anymore, and as they make the all important transition from primary to high school these lines really do need to be drawn in relation to parental control and privacy.
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I assume you are joking Lauren. You are giving 12 year old girls far too much credit.
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I think the thing we need to remember is the Internet is new to us with children (as is most technology) and so is how we handle things when it comes to our children. Yes, some are savvy & have good relationships with their parents… Some aren’t! I think depending on your child will depend on how you monitor them. Once they put that info online, its up for all to see – sometimes address, school, full name, where they’re going on the weekend… and yes some are that stupid. As parents it’s our job to protect even if this means invading their privacy a little.
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If something is posted on Facebook, it is considered published and in the public domain, so a parent can read it without fear of invading child’s privacy. That’s how it differs from reading a diary.
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That’s right – a diary is private. Posting on the internet where anyone can see it? That’s the equivalent of shouting on a street corner and is definitely not private!
I like my kids school on cybersafety – if you would stand up and shout it at assembly in front of the whole school then it is ok. If you wouldn’t? Then you shouldn’t put it on the internet.
That said, the same school sent home a permission note for a competition run by a company – they wanted permission for the company to use my child’s name, class, and school on a facebook site. Are you kidding?? I explained to my child that I wasn’t happy with this, as they are learning about keeping themselves safe on line and not giving away too much of their private information, and I just believe this is too much information! My child was ok with this. I don’t plan to effectively sell my child’s privacy to a company so they can advertise how great they are to kids and make money off them. Yuck, yuck, yuck!!!! Just seemed wrong to me!
If my child has a diary in their room, I would be hard pressed to find a good reason to read it. If they are posting stuff on line? That’s my business. If they are putting stuff out there that affects them now and in the future, it is definitely my business to know about it. My kids aren’t old enough yet to have been asking about those sites, but we have already started educating them about being safe online and I hope some of that sticks with them when they do. It still blows me away how much information people readily give out of themselves online! Adults who should know better (I figure it’s the ‘it won’t happen to me’ line of thought)….
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Well said!
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Ha ha. You really don’t have kids or spend any time with them do you? Go spend some time in a year 6 classroom and we’ll see what you think then. Too much credit indeed!!
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My boy is 11 and so far, Facebook isn’t an issue. He knows I’d say ‘no’ so there isn’t any point in him asking. He writes a blog (about sport) and access to the laptop and iPad, so we’re not exactly Amish, but I take issue with a stance of ‘inevitability’ or the position of, ‘they’re all doing it and need some privacy.’ Because, clearly, there are some parents with a bit of backbone – and a 12 year old needs parental guidance more than they need privacy. Also, a few principals are showing admirable leadership – the head of my kids’ school regularly reminds parents about internet dangers and lets them know the school discourages juniors from being on Facebook. Instagram etc. I can’t control what happens in other families’ homes, but I can say no to a smartphone for my kids and I have no hesitation in checking the search histories on the computers and networks I pay for.
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sounds wise kate, i also have no problems checking up on my son’s fb/instagram and even edmodo (school social network for homework, usually run and monitored by the teacher and only his classroom has access to it) all under our supervision on times that he is allowed and etc.
i think each parents knows their child and their capacity of understanding how dangerous online content can be… funny enough after we allowed the fb account he rarely checks it, just not interested really… his post are all about sport and song “hits” ( have more of an issue there to be honest, but we are all exposed to the ridiculous video clips all the time, aren’t we?). as always it come down to all in moderation and supervision with kids, i think.
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Hmm, I thought my kids didn’t post much on FB either, just songs, and the odd link. Then I realised they’ve bocked me, and I can only see the really innocuous stuff…
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Rose – why not fight fire with fire and ‘block’ their internet access? Assuming you pay for broadband and their smartphones, just cut supply and change the password. Sure they will still be able to access the net at school and at mates’ places but it will let them know you’re in charge at home.
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Dollars to doughnuts he already has a Facebook account under a different name, and is just not telling you (or the school principle) about it.
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Really and truly, he doesn’t have one. He’s just not interested. Kid has a killer blog, though. I’m not an ostrich – our place is wired, but no computers in bedrooms, no smartphones for kids. Theoretically you’re right – he could have a page I don’t know about, but you have to concede it’s also possible he doesn’t.
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I know for a fact that my 11 year old daughter doesn’t have a facebook account. Why is that so hard for some to believe? Like Katehunter, my daughter isn’t interested
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Kate, I’m responding to your “fight fire with fire” here because I can’t post after your reply below.
I didn’t want to impose strict control over them, nor did I want to force them to go ‘underground’ (which I suppose they were already!) or encourage them to lie to us.
I’d rather encourage open communication, so instead, I had a(nother) chat about being very careful with what they post, and I left them to their privacy. They were 16+ though, and they are boys, so it was easier to hand control to them.
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Hey Rose – 16 is a different kettle of fish. I hope I have your calm and reasonable attitude when mine are that age
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My 15yo niece thought her parents didn’t know she had a FB account then got in trouble, she just changed her name on the account. They are sneaky!
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12 year olds are children!
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Unless they are in high school. Year 8 is the most education any child gets.
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What a sad thought.
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Seeing that you did get shot down Lauren, I’m going to agree with you.
Kids need to be shown respect and trust in order to act as if they’re worthy of respect and trust. That said, I don’t think reading a public FB page or looking at a public Instagram account constitutes breach of trust.
And yes, I also think that all kids are different and the article painted a picture of just one type of kid.
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Since when are 12 year olds no longer children???? If we let our kids do anything they want then who’s a bad parent now! Kids may not like being ‘monitored’ but they sure as hell need it, especially in today’s world. Lauren, if you do have children one day, you may find your opinions and concerns change dramatically.
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I already commented below, but just wanted to add, that the policy on Instagram is saying ‘you must be 13 or over’ to use Instagram.
I know, same problem like with Facebook, anyone can say they are wathever age, but at the end of the day, the parents are responsible.
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Better yet, don’t give your child a smartphone or I-pad/I-pod – monitor their use of it – only permit them to use it when you are there to supervise – a fixed time each day for technology use and that is it.
It is very worrying what children have access to these days,
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I agree with having a fixed time for internet use.
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So depressing that my innocent 6 yr old kindergartener is only 6 years away from this crap…sighs ..but thanks for this article..info is power …
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probably less.. kids are growing up too fast
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Great article.
My son saved for his own iPod touch and my daughter inherited my old iPhone – both have Instagram but with restrictions…. I know who they are following and they both have private profiles so randoms can’t follow them. The same applies to their Facebook accounts and we have full access to them including the passwords, they have to ask our permission to log on.
I know many kids from their former school who have Instagram on their iPads (the school decided against laptops and determined that the parents purchase iPads instead) many of these kids are doing precisely what the author is saying – and I’m sure their parents are unaware.
I totally agree – parents should wake up to their children’s activity on social media.
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i saw some comments below that say that parents are CRAZY or FOOLS to give a teenager an smart phone, sorry, I don’t agree with you at all.
I think times have changed from when we were 12 (i am 36yo) and technology is an amazing thing. i am of the opinion that kids nowadays need to learn how to use it and be aware of the danger zones. i also think its the parent”s job to keep up to date with evolution of things so they can teach their kids how to use their gadgets safely.
i have a 12yo boy( he doesn’t have a smart phone yet, but has an ipod touch) and he is using instagram appropriately, he is very creative and has a great eye for photography, we all use the app in our house and follow eachother… why deny my son the opportunity of using technology, when there are safe ways of doing it?
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I agree. I won’t be allowing my kids to have a smart phone for school etc, just one that makes basic calls, no camera etc.
My eldest child (11) has an ipad, so she still gets to learn how to use a smart gadget in the safety of our home, with our supervision. I’d rather we teach her how to use it safely than for her to go out and buy one herself when she’s old enough with no prior knowledge of the safety side of things.
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Sharon@ Funken Wagnel, my son also doesn’t take his ipod to school with him, he mostly uses around us, he also has his own pc (he actually has online homework to do, have you heard of EDmodo?)and has full access to our ipad. As I mention, we are very aware of web danger and discuss the issues with both our kids all the time. My point is that it worries me how (some) parents don’t embrace the idea of kids having access to technology, all in moderation, of course, but it needs to be done! It’s just my opinion anyway…
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I totally agree:)
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Any parent that provides a pre teen with a mobile phone that has internet access is a complete and absolute fool.
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What’s funny, in a sad way is that talented people like Camila Rocha (google her) have had their Instagram profiles shut down because of people complaining about her nude pencil drawings (one or two of her pencil sketches had a nipple drawing) – yet there are images all over Instagram of young girls dressed as above and worse.
On a side note she did open another account (thankfully) but it’s just ridiculous really!
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I’m sorry, but as a non-parent I’m absolutely baffled…why would you buy your child a smart phone? Why do kids need a phone with internet access etc.?
When my older brother was in high school, no-one had phones and survived. When I was in high school, I had a phone but it was basic. It could send and receive text messages and calls. Safety aspect covered, if I got in trouble I could call someone.
Parents complain about all the stuff their kids get up to, but you give them the tools to do it (smart phones, laptops, computers in bedrooms)? I don’t get it.
I only got a smart phone when I started working in a law firm, so I could more efficiently link email accounts etc.
It’s all well and good to say “But that is what they’re used to, they are up on technology”…well, only because parents gave it to them in the first place.
It’s a shame that it may be getting to the point that kids are so saturated with technology (and the expectation to have technology) that we can’t back away from it without kids being victimised for not being up with the trends.
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Good points. Trouble is, a lot of schools require students to own laptops these days. I’m also of the opinion hat you’ve got to weigh your concern for safety against holding technological abilities back and disadvantaging your child.
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I agree Trog. As i said above, parents need to embrace the fact that technology is around our kids everywhere and its better for them to be able to use it appropriately and be aware of any danger that surrounds them online or not.
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I’m only 22, and I had a laptop for school, too.
I got up to a lot of what these kids these days get up to and I know what my parents could have done to stop it. They were good parents, they just weren’t hugely technologically literate and they were perhaps a little too trusting with me. But that was when social media etc. was still relatively new and parents didn’t really understand it, or know what to expect, or appreciate all the dangers.
I could have gotten myself into a lot of trouble (and think myself lucky that I didn’t). But it seems parents are even more permissive now than they were when I was a teen and I find that thought terrifying given that it’s even easier to be exposed to dangers now (think Facebook tagging your location, etc.).
I think there’s a difference between using technology for learning and letting kids use it for some leisure time (as Sharon @ Funkel Wagnel has done) and allowing kids constant access all the time with little to no moderation, as a lot of kids these days seem to have.
Anyway, that’s just me – you’re welcome to disagree. These discussions wouldn’t be very interesting if we all thought the same thing
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shannon, i think you have a great point, it needs to be monitored and guided properly by the parents and for that to happen parents have to be knowlegeable enough about the technology involved… i worry a lot when i see parents saying that they are not aware of how to “do” facebook or don’t know what instagram is if they are allowing their kids spend time on these social sites… all sites have proper privacy settings that should be used and some kids are using without even knowing that they should beset to private and only allow people that they know to access their account’s content. it can happen, it happens like that in our house and quite frankly, i am happy my son is enjoying social media in a healthy way
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Ok. Now I’m a little freaked out.
Just (as in 2 hours ago) bought my daughter an iPod touch for her 10th birthday. We thought we were across all the pitfalls and have discussed the rules of use with her but WTF is Instagram?
I feel so old!
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There is also a lot of self harm images and ‘thinspo’ (pro-anorexia/bulimia) on instagram. They say they’re cracking down on it but it’s easy to find. Combined with the bullying and porn, it’s a pretty toxic mixture for older teens too.
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Same stuff on Pinterest. Another one to watch..
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Ugh, this send shivers down my spine.
The other day on FB my 17 year old cousin had ‘liked’ a photo where a boy she knew had created a collage of himself mocking a photo of a girl and calling her ugly. Obviously someone her and all her friends knew. The photo had hundreds of ‘likes’ and about 50 comments – some joining in on the public slaying & some telling the boy who had posted it that he was being “a bit harsh”. I was appalled. I nearly posted on my cousin’s wall calling her out on it. But do you think a public telling off by her 30 year old cousin would help?! I thought maybe I would quietly say something next time I see her. She is usually such a lovely girl – it just shows how immune to normal standards of behaviour teens feel online that she would ‘like’ this.
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Don’t leave it – message your cousin privately on FB instead of publicly admonishing her, before even more damage is done to the victim.
Bad things happen when good people do nothing.
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I agree this is a worry. On the bus of an afternoon so many kids have smart phones, and I am genuinely curious about this. Can I ask if any parents here have bought a smart phone for their 13yo or younger, why? Why not a regular phone? Not being judgmental I’m just curious.
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I don’t know anyone under 50 who has a non-smart-phone. Teenagers and tweens are used to that technology, they rely on it and it’s going to be a huge part of their future.
My 12yr old niece doesn’t even remember a time when everyone didn’t have iPhones. She uses an iPad at school. She’s used to being able to look up anything, anytime with her phone. Giving her a regular old phone would be like giving someone my age one of those brick-like early mobiles, or a laptop that has 5GB of storage space.
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I know one. My 11 year old son has a regular phone. It makes calls, sends texts and cost me $29 at the newsagent. He can have a smartphone when he can pay for the handset and data himself. I figure that will be when he can get a job – at 15. In my opinion, giving a child a smartphone is indulgent, distracting and potentially dangerous.
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Yes god forbid a 12 year old be unable to look up anything in an instant on the internet. Or suffer the shame, the horror, of having anything less than the latest iPhone. Spare me.
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My niece is hugely into learning, so whenever she’s out and something interests her she can look it up and learn more about it. Last week she saw a poster of a painting she liked, she looked up the info on her phone and we got the details for the exhibition that was ending soon and went that day. If she hadn’t of had her phone we would have missed out on that. She also uses it to study while she travels to school, a 2hr round trip. It’s an extremely helpful thing.
Just because we didn’t have access to things like smart-phones and laptops when we were growing up doesn’t mean that was better. I remember as a kid I was so interested in so many things, but I had no outlet for that as the only time I could research things for their own sake was in the school library which only had outdated encyclopedia’s. My niece is so much more knowledgable than I was back then because she has so much info at her fingertips.
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Sorry, but I had to do it, it was driving me crazy re-reading the sentence trying to work out why it didn’t make sense…
“If she hadn’t of had her phone we would have missed out on that”… surely you could have just said “if she didn’t have her phone…”
I’m honestly not being bitchy or snarky…your comment suggests you love learning (as does your niece woo!) so I thought I’d just provide a friendly tip.
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I’m 28 and I have never had a smart phone. Sure maybe it is the ‘norm’ but not everyone under 50 has a smart phone.
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Oh please anon, no one under 50? You’re being ridiculous!
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I said I don’t know anyone under 50 who doesn’t have a smart phone, not that every single person in the world under 50 has a smart phone.
I was actually suprised to find non-smartphones are still produced. Even my 85yr old grandmother has a smartphone.
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I know one! My son is 11 and has a regular mobile that can text and make calls. I bought it for $29 at the newsagent. He can have a smartphone when he can buy the handset and pay for the data himself – probably when he gets a part time job at 15. In my opinion giving a smartphone to a child is indulgent, irresponsible and possibly dangerous.
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Me. I’m 44, I’m across social media (2000+ followers on Twitter), I love my laptop and am rarely separated from it, I write novels and I’m a psychologist and I don’t have a smart phone. I also have a 12 yo son and there is NO WAY he is getting a smart phone either! I just don’t see the need, and quite frankly I have no desire to pay the bills… he has a laptop of his own for school (compulsory), there are computers at home, he is technologically savvy- why does he *need* a smart phone, other than to submit to peer pressure and waste yet more time downloading stuff from You Tube?
Besides, 4 weeks into year 7 all the students were called to a meeting with the principal- a year 7 student had used his smart phone to shoot a sexually suggestive video at school and load it onto Facebook, and this is at a school that has weekly classes in cybersafety/appropriate internet use and emails a weekly bulletin/tips etc. about the issues and trends. My son has also had classmates show him porn on their smart phones a friend with a son at a different school had her 12 yo receive a pic of a naked female classmate that she had ‘only’ sent to her boyfriend. 12 year olds aren’t smart enough for smart phones.
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I am 37 and have a non smart phone!
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My kids always got our old phones, when we upgraded – used to be old Nokias.
We currently both have iphones, which will be passed on in due course. My kids are currently much older, but if they were 10, they’d probably get a hand-me-down iphone.
I presume many kids get smart phones in this manner.
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The most disturbing part was the posting of the 12 year old girl’s picture without her knowledge or permission and the subsequent public trashing, as she *isn’t even on instagram*. What a revolting invasion of her privacy. I’m sure this is not an isolated case. Takes bully to a whole new and terrifying level. What can one do in the face of such rampant hatred?
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My 11 year old daughter has an ipad. I just had a quick look at her history and apps etc. She doesn’t have instagram, all her photos are of our pets, and her searching history is mostly made up of paper plane folding websites.
We have strict usage rules, such as no chat, no internet sharing, time restrictions and supervision. She also knows that we conduct random checks at any time.
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You sound like an excellent mother.
I wish more were like you!
I am a teacher and we can only do so much for this end. Children with parents like you are really lucky because those guidelines you use at home truly shape who they are.
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Jen, you made me blush, thank you! That said, bad things still happen occassionally. Like the time our daughter was tricked into looking at red tube by another boy at school. She was sitting next to her dad who was on the other computer when she looked it up, and still that level of supervision was clearly not enough. It’s scary. She says she didn’t actually see anything bad (don’t know if she was just too embarassed to tell us), but once she realised it was an over 18 site, she came to tell us straightaway.
It does help when the school works with us too, so I love that teachers are taking it seriously.
We’re at the stage where soon she’ll be old enough to start her own facebook account, so we’re really working hard (and have been since she was 5) about drumming into her what details are ok to share and what aren’t.
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This is such a tough issue. I think most parents would be very uncomfortable about people using social media in such a way but think nothing about the fact that you can’t go to a McDonald’s or cafe without a plasma on the wall blaring rap music with women being sung about in a degrading way.
Teenagers will be naturally curious, but there is a big difference between healthy curiousity of seeing naked women online and the peer pressure and mob like mentality that social media creates when it comes to this issue. A teenager liking a bikini pic by himself on his
iPhone is a lot less damaging that a group of teenagers looking trying to outdo eachother. Ultimately parents need to embrace it so they are aware of it and be understanding of a healthy level of curiosity before an unhealthy one develops as a consequence of peer pressure
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If my child were 12, there is NO WAY ON GOD’s EARTH they would have a smart device. End of story. She had to wait till she was 14 before she got one of those. But then again, that’s no guarantee of responsible usage.
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Instagram has policies that don’t allow nude, partially nude or sexually suggestive photos. Anyone can report the user who has or is on the photo.
I do that sometimes randomly, if I come across a photo with partially nude or nude or even spamers(no photos but heaps of followers).
I know it’s probably not going to stop them, but it’s worth it.
I love Instagram too, for the same reasons like you, but I don’t like those ‘follow me’ comments and crap photos of random people.
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great post, especially eye opening.
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Oh man, what a minefield! I am SO glad I grew up before smart phones, social media and for the most part – the internet!! (i’m 23)
Scary.
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We got the Internet in ’96 at my house – that was 16 years ago, when you were 7… How did you manage to grow up without it (for the most part)?
I am forever grateful that mobiles didn’t have cameras when I was in the party scene (late teens, early twenties), and that only 2 girls at my highschool had mobiles. Those were the days
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Wow Internet at home in 96, you were definitely an early adopter! I was at high school in 96 and remember how it exciting it was when a few computers at our school had the net (students used to fight over those PC’s!) we didn’t even have the net at home in 99 when i was in year 12!
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It was even before Google! Imagine that! I can’t…
There was no Messenger either. I would frequent the chat rooms of Compuserve which were populated mostly by Americans – many of whom were amazed that we even had electricity in Australia. I told them lots of fun stories about our pet kangaroos we ride to school and having to wrestle crocs in the pool. You know, normal Aussie stuff
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Haha you’re absolutely right! I remember using the internet in 1998 (grade 4) to look for photos of the Spice Girls!!
But I don’t think we got the internet at home until 1999-2000. I remember in grade 6 (2000), all these people talking about ‘MSN messenger’ and having no idea what they meant!
I didn’t get a myspace until the last few days of high school in 2006. Facebook I got in 2007.
So, to re-phrase, I’m glad I grew up before social media really took off. Because hearing about cyber bullying really scares me.
And my half brother, 13, has a facebook and keeps putting up statuses with “like for a rate” or “inbox for a rate”.
As in, he will ‘rate you’?! And all these girls respond! What the hell?!
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Oh dear!!
My cousin’s daughter is 13 and her ‘likes’ and shares are equally irritating. Which is to be expected. But it does make me worry about the future!
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I got home internet in 95 when i was 11 and we used to go into chat rooms and find pervy old men to talk to and by the time i was 13 most of my friends had internet as well and we used to try and out do each other with who could find the worst site (rotton.com, dead bodies , porn) it hasn’t done me any harm but i will be very strict with my own childrens internet access
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