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There was a time I believed I wasn’t particularly vain. Having a baby shattered that myth. It turns out I am. Truly. madly, sadly vain.
In May 2010 my body reached the pinnacle of its physical abilities and delivered a rather beautiful bundle of baby girl. Throughout my pregnancy I marvelled at my swollen tummy, the most obvious symbol of the tiny life I could barely believe was growing inside me. For me, pregnancy and childbirth, defy belief. I understand the science of it and I know it’s how all seven billion of us got here. Even still, it blows my mind.
If it weren’t for the unforgettable thirty-six hours immediately preceding her arrival, I might not have believed it was even possible for a tiny little person to emerge from this body. But she did. Having accomplished that miraculous feat, I remember thinking my body was truly special. It facilitated this fabulous arrival and took on hero status in my mind. At least it did for a while.
Nine months after her birth, I dreaded catching a glimpse of that body in the mirror. The very same body I developed (and owed!) an inordinate amount of respect and admiration for, now made me cringe. I’m ashamed to say it. But it’s true. My tummy sagged, my clothes didn’t fit and my chest could rival Jordan’s. I hated getting dressed.
I wrote this at the time:
Part of me is above these shallow preoccupations but sadly that part only ever appears in quiet moments of reflection. In the heat of the moment – when I’m madly getting dressed for something or trying to buy clothes to avoid moments of such madness – my rational mind is nowhere to be found. Instead I become consumed with self-indulgent thoughts about the extra flesh I’m carrying. How terrible and unfamiliar everything looks. How enormous I feel. It’s not a happy place.
When I step away from the mirror and head out the door I can digest what’s happened. I can see I’m not being rational. I am not overweight. I am five kilos heavier than I was when I fell pregnant but I’m still a healthy weight. I go to the gym three times a week, I walk every day and I eat sensibly. But I cannot lose weight.
In moments of clarity I accept this is my new normal. I am healthy. I have a husband who loves me regardless of my shape. I have a beautiful little girl who has thrived from my body. I know those things matter so much more than my shape. I know my weight is not a problem. At least, I know it shouldn’t be. And, yet, it is. I care that my body doesn’t look how it used to and I care that my clothes don’t fit. And, especially, I care that I care.
I am frustrated that no matter how much sensible internal dialogue I enter into, when I stand in front of the mirror, my vanity inevitably prevails. It doesn’t matter how many times I marvel at the beautiful little person this body grew, delivered and continues to nourish, I still find it in myself to begrudge my body its extra weight. And this is how I learned the depth of my vanity. It seems to run much deeper than any wisdom or insight I’ve acquired. And that disappoints me more than any extra flesh.
—-
Looking back on that now I share the same disappointment at letting those few kilos weigh so heavily. Even more so because when I stopped breastfeeding, my body returned to its former shape of its own accord. Rather than being thrilled, I’m sad I was so ungracious*.
I wasn’t gentle or patient with my body during it’s time of upheaval. I was demanding and insolent and, frankly, quite rude. At the time it needed kindness and gratitude more than ever.
As self-indulgent and idle as it may seem, I suspect anyone who has experienced a body alteration will agree that not recognising the skin you’re in, is tough. Frivolous or not, the way you feel about the way you look, matters. For me, it was another stepping stone to negotiate along the motherhood road. I can’t go back and change how I felt after having my darling girl but if, and when, I’m lucky enough to have another little baby, I will try to be more accepting.
*Yes, this did cause my husband much confusion. Him: “Hang on, we spent 12 months commiserating a wardrobe of clothes that didn’t fit and now they do and we’re not allowed to jump for joy?” Me: “That’s right.”
Mamamia team writes: A few days ago, we came across a project called BirthMarkings created by a lady named Margaret Lazarus. It’s an incredible film that explores post-birth bodies and how our self-image changes after giving birth. But you’ll have to watch it to see for yourself how amazing it is.
And just in case you can’t view the video, we’ve put together some images of post-baby bellies in a gallery for you:
Georgie is a reformed lawyer, one-time journalist and newish wife and mother.
Has your body ever changed? If you’ve had a baby did you find it hard to adjust? Or are you like Miranda Kerr?
Comments
225 Comments so far
I’ll never forget the comment my BIL made in hospital a day after having my first baby. He looked at my still large stomach and said “are you having another baby?” and laughed at his own joke. I was mortified.
I have “bounced back” well after two babies, a size 8 no stretch marks and fit into all of my pre-pregnancy & pre-baby clothes. I also only put on 9kgs with my first & 7 kgs with my 2nd. This summer even saw me brave a bikini. I’m telling you this not to gloat but to say that it does take time. I couldn’t do much diet wise while breast feeding. Now it’s a healthy lifestyle & pilates once a week. Oh and running around after two boys – my personal trainers.
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Oh LKW, my MIL said the same thing to me – 6 hours (!) after I had given birth to my 4.1kg baby girl!! You would think a woman who has been through it would show some sensitivity – but I guess MILs generally aren’t known for being sensitive. Not mine anyway. Did she seriously think I should be magically back to normal after only 6 hours? Sheesh. She is a person who is quite obsessed with weight – loves to brag about how she weighed 7 stone when she got married. Her biggest life achievement. Sorry, I.m probably being mean about her, but as a Mum of 2 girls some of the things she says really worries me. Women are so much more than their weight!!
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This nearly made me cry as I’m going through the same thing and have had such a shit day doing one of the worst things you can do with a four month old – shopping! I think our society just doesn’t accommodate new mothers – we are lonely and isolated and look nothing like single, childless women who seem to have great social lives and be brimming with happiness. Sometimes I wish I lived in an African tribe!
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Hope things get better for you soon.. hugs!
Keep in mind that everyone else’s lives look better from the outside. There are probably people jealous of your life too, seeing you shopping with your little baby. I find facebook is so unhelpful for that – everybody is all “engagement! wedding! party! baby! holiday! promotion!” etc. You never really know what’s going on behind closed doors.
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Hi Zoe
The one good thing about this forum is that you’re not alone, which I know doesn’t help with the shopping! It’s hard, hard, hard. Wine o’clock soon. x
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Thanks guys! Just a very timely piece for me. But also a reminder that I’ll probably feel better soon. I know things aren’t always what they seem and have enough anxious, paranoid friends from all walks of life to know that everyone has their insecurities and problems. Easy to forget though!
I happen to have a babysitter (my gorgeous hubby) tonight and am on my way to birthday drinks with girlfriends, so better buck up and pretend life’s perfect
No, these are great girls and it will feel good getting things verbally off my chest.
Thanks again x
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Zoe I remember coming home from my first outing alone when my baby was a few months old – it was a Dr’s appointment and to treat myself, I dropped into a shop for a look around.
“Oh, that’s exciting, when are you due?” asked the young, slim salesgirl.
Somehow “four months ago” just wasn’t the answer she was expecting.
Hang in there and hug your baby.
xxxx
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Mia I had the exact same experience except I shamefully lied and said I was due in a few months because I didn’t want to make her cringe and feel bad. Not very sisterhood of me, I should have told the truth. I loved this piece am I cried the whole way through. I get the logic but why do I still flinch when I look at my belly after 2 c sections in 15 months? Im going to try harder to accept myself more. Thanks for yet again another inspiring article. Bless your cotton socks Mia. Oh Rick you think a catheter is scary, let me talk to you about drainage pipes !! Even the thoughy of its removal and the ouchy makes me gag 11 months later!!
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OMG drainage tubes are horrible!! No words to explain that feeling.
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My drain was attached to the side of my bed and I rolled the wrong way and yanked on it and it lost its vaccuum. OUCH.
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I have similar story, my son now is 16months. i still get asked when iam due,i respond saying “no im just fat,thanks” and often walk away. Then cry
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Just be yourself….no one REALLY looks at you!
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I have 4 children who were all large babies.
After my first I snapped back very quickly. I was easily back into my size 10 clothes 6 weeks after she was born, but I think now that was due to battling tonsilitis for the entire 6 months I breasfed her and I really didnt eat much because I felt terrible.
I think by no.3 the serious damage was done and my tummy decided it would never return to normal, covered in stretch marks and flabby.
After no.4 who was my largest baby at 4.5kgs my muscle separation was significant and I needed 6 months of physio to fix it and its still not great but I guess I’m no Heidi Klum. I loved hearing that Miranda Kerr had a huge baby too but I used to console myself that celebrities, models and actors bounce back quickly because they diet and have small babies! Obviously Miranda didnt follow that pattern. I really think genetics has a lot to do with it. So I am just grateful I have gorgeous kids and a stripey flabby belly to show for it. I knew women who dieted when pregnant so they didnt ‘get fat’ and think that is so selfish.
Georgie, your body grew another human, dont forget how special that is!
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I think celebs ‘bounce back’ quickly because they can afford daily personal training sessions and personal chefs!
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To be honest I ‘bounced back’ very quickly after my 2 kids. I remember running into someone I knew a few weeks after my baby was born and she actually told me that she would have ‘hated me’ if I’d been in her mothers group.
I’ve felt that attitude quite a bit and find it a little frustrating as I’ve never judged others for their post baby figures.
It’s just my body type, which I’m greatful for. I eat a balanced diet and walk my dog, no personal trainers or personal chefs.
Miranda Kerr is a model because she has a model figure, she was always
going to go back to that shape because that is her shape!
Alot of it comes down to genetics.
Those of us who do return to our pre baby weight quickly do not do it to make others feel bad about themselves.
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I have never thought women who bounce back after having a baby do so to make other women feel bad! As I commented I bounced back after my first baby too. When I didnt after having no.4 I liked to think that it was because my babies were bigger than average and the normal women and gorgeous models who do bounce back usually have tiny babies – that was the story I was telling myself to make myself feel better
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I found that it wasnt just my belly that changed forever after children. My skin had pigmentation, my thighs and bum are bigger, the shape and size of my hips is forever altered and my always small breasts now look like delflated balloons. It has taken 7 years for me to come to the relisation that I will never be a size 10 again, (no amount of exercise will change the shape of my hips, after all a baby fit in there) and my now size 12 is very happy and healthy and that is all that matter to my husband and kids.
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Argh! Pigmentation! My face is one brown blotch.
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Yes! My facial skin pigmented, which is common in pregnancy and which commonly goes away sometime later. Seems I am uncommon in this department, as the skin pigmentation on my face and neck has remained to this day (10 years after last pregnancy) and shows no sign that it has any intention of ever going anywhere!
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Just going in to bat for Miranda, her slender body frame and genetics (not to mention her fantastically healthy and organic lifestyle) allowed her to “bounce back” in the way she did. It’s neither right or wrong. It’s just what worked for her. My body is just as amazing as hers – albeit they look very different!!
I really think that a majority of us DO accept each others body’s for the amazing things they are, and or two biggest enemies are ourselves, and the media.
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She is also a professional model with access to personal chefs and trainers around the clock. That’s not realistic for most of us.
So remember that.
And to be honest, I think it would be awful to have the world watching how fast you got back to your ‘post-baby-body’ and got back into a Victoria’s Secret pair of knickers.
Grass greener!
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I never get the personal chef argument. Miranda Kerr eats a very simple diet. Lot’s of raw foods, easy salads, steamed veg, grilled fish etc. It would take longer to go out for takeway than to make the kind of food she eats. Even if she does have a personal chef preparing everything she eats, her food would take no longer to prepare than anything the average new mum would make (unless you live on 2 minute noodles and frozen dinners).
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If you think your tummy is bad after one, wait til you have your second! Or third…or fourth!
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I always say that after my third my body said “You did it to me again! I can’t bounce back this time, this is what you’ve got now so get used to it!”
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I didn’t find that to be the case. I found all the damage was done to my belly during the first pregnancy, and with the second and third, it didn’t get any worse. Maybe it couldn’t, lol!
With my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies, I loved the way my belly looked because it filled out my stretch wrinkles and my belly looked firm and smooth again
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Stunning! The photos of nature in between the women talking was astounding to me. I realised just how much things in nature change when they need to, the cracks, the shifting, the stretching. I see those things as beautiful and photogenic and would never have related my own belly to those things, but ties in so beautifully. That was a magical video, thanks for sharing it with us.
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I Miranda Kerr-ed after each birth. This had little to do with my supermodel qualities but more to do with the fact I threw up every bite of food for the last five months. I didn’t look supermodel fresh either – I weighed 42kgs a week after birth, I had holes in my teeth from vomiting. It was deeply unattractive.
I had major abdominal surgery three times as a baby – as a result I have abs of steel because without working them I get severe back ache. I have never displayed my stomach in public, the scars stretched and it looks a mess now. However the ab exercise means *in clothes* I look like I always did.
This is why I think I’m happy with my post pregnancy body. My tummy was already a mess of scars, so a few more meant nothing.
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I think some days I would have taken the stretch marks over the continual vomiting
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We have had variations of this article so many times. Really Mamamia – over it already. Every time it’s discussed, it always seems to marginalize women whose experiences were different.
Can’t we just say “every body is different” and move on, without having to do this endless reshuffling of what’s normal or right?
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Hi Anonymous,
I wonder if you think the same thing about the magazines that run ‘body after baby’ stories week after week after week? After month after year.
Are you over them too? Because I am.
THAT is what marginalises women and gives no space in the public discussion for women whose experiences ARE different. Let alone images of women after having babies. How many images of those do you see that are not of the ‘bounced back’ variety?
We will continue to cover this subject because women are having babies every day and Mamamia has a role to play in helping to portray the diversity of our experiences that you won’t see reflected anywhere else in mainstream media.
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Don’t you feel like you are doing exactly the same thing by constantly taking this stance: “oh – your body bounced back? Good for you, but shut up because real bodies don’t do that.” You’re just creating a different type of normal that alienates women whose experiences were different.
It’s exhausting, because it has exactly the same effect on women – it says to them that if they are different from the ‘norm’ you are presenting, they are wrong.
Some people won’t get stretch marks. They won’t gain much weight. They have elastic skin that just pings back into place after being stretched. They might walk out of hospital with a flat stomach. This falls outside of what you consider ‘normal’, but in presenting diversity, you should acknowledge them without acting as though they are freakish or insignificant.
There are so many ways to celebrate the wonderful differences between our bodies, but you never seem to be able to on this website without putting other people down. A body that looks the same as it did pre-pregnancy a few days after giving birth is just as incredible as a body that now finds itself with a lot of extra skin and scars. You don’t need to always need to approach body image with an us verses them mentality – because this is exactly what the magazines are doing in the first place.
Why is it so hard for you to just say that “every body is different and all are wonderful” and move on? If you really cared about body image, that would be the message you would be pushing, rather than trying to elevate certain groups by rubbishing everyone else. If you want to provide a refreshing break from the judgement and homogeneity that comes in mainstream media, then do it – but pushing a different ‘normal’ *still* makes everybody else feel inferior. If you want to provide a publication that offers a break from the judgment and homogeneity that comes with mainstream media, then do it – but pushing a new idea of ‘normal’ still alienates everybody who different.
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I interpreted this article as one woman sharing her experience, followed by photos of lots of different women’s experiences (where tummies of all different appearances can be seen). I didn’t see it as trying to classify different types of women as being normal or not…
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I recognize that this is one woman’s story, but it was picked by the editors and given the ridiculously generalistic header of “Post-pregnant bodies don’t bounce back like a supermodel. Nope.” Would they publish an article about a woman whose body did bounce back after birth, or a woman who actually wants to regain her pre-baby body? .. oh yes, they have a number of times, about Kendra Wilkinson and Mel B, and they tore them to shreds.
Mamamia really needs to find a way of celebrating diversity without being so dismissive towards whatever group doesn’t fit into their nouvelle normal.
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Anonymous – but post-pregnant bodies DON’T bounce back. They don’t! Some women lose weight after they have babies, many don’t. But it’s the vast majority of women who don’t that are made to feel ‘abnormal’ thanks to the way mainstream media airbrushes images of celebrity new mothers.
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But this is the thing – some people’s bodies do.
And you are just as bad as the mainstream media by pretending they don’t exist just to make everybody else feel better. If you really cared about this stuff, you would be able to discuss it in a completely inclusive way. You can’t celebrate diversity if you are going to completely silence and diminish certain women’s real bodies and real experiences.
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MM is the lone voice about women’s real bodies…I don’t think we need to read more about miranda kerr being the ‘norm’. because she’s not the norm. Not. It’s not logical to say otherwise!
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Anon, that’s exactly how this article would read to me too IF this was the first time I visited MM. However, I am a regular reader and the other Anon is absolutely right, there is a theme here that gets repeated time and time again – thin “beautiful” people (like Miranda Kerr) are freaks so let’s tear them to shreds so we can feel better about ourselves.
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Totally agree, some women’s body DO ‘bounce back’, mine did after my two babies and I’m sick of being made to feel guilty about it.
Really Mia it did, no personal trainer or chefs. I think I was back in my skinny jeans in about 3 weeks, no stretch marks or saggy skin. (I’m not bragging, just trying to say we do exist).
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I agree with you both here, however I also feel that mamamia has become very ‘motherhood’ focussed. I can’t relate to the stories on here as much as I used to, however I am only one person and I guess you can’t please us all.
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Hello! That’s why it’s called Mama Mia, isn’t it? If anything (and I freely admit this isn’t a proper research survey) it feels to me like the proportion of articles that are purely ‘mummy-centric’ has gone down a fraction over the last year.
Actually, as a non-mum, I also enjoy having a window into a world I have no personal experience of.
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Close! The Mamamia part was just a play on words as it has Mia’s name in it. Was never a mother specific blog. I reckon we do a pretty good mix (I hope so, because I ain’t much of a mother!)
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Hi Mia,
I think it’s wonderful that you want to promote this. I really do. It’s just that MM cares deeply about so many things that you keep replaying them over and over again. I’ve seen that Jools Oliver pic on this site so many times that when I saw it today I literally rolled my eyes.
A few people have said that they are sick of the same things and the reply is always that you care deeply about those issues and wont stop talking about them. I guess the problem is people will stop listening. It just seems like a constant cycle of: mums bodies after baby/baby names/breastfeeding/vaccination.
I’m bored and I’ve got kids! I know there are lots of articles and we can choose what we read but it’s all very samey. The article by Nicole is such a breath of fresh air. I really hope you don’t dismiss this feedback. I really love MM but am getting a bit of MM fatigue.
And before people tell me I dont have to read MM – you’re right! But I love this site and I know how creative the writers are there – just providing a bit of feedback!
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Well said Kell!
I won’t write my own comment because you have outlined exactly what I would have said already.
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I know what you mean Kell. I still like checking in on this site every day, but I’m getting that same ‘déjà-vu’ feeling that saw me stop buying magazines like Cleo and Cosmo many years ago. Magazine stories seemed to get recycled every year or so, but now with the Internet age it often feels as though hit-generating stories are being recycled every couple of weeks. Every now and again a new voice or idea comes through, but sometimes it really seems like leftovers rehashed, especially when it comes to topics such as breastfeeding, photoshopping, childcare etc. Still love the site — just hoping some new themes will emerge over the coming months. And I still very much appreciate that this site is free!
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Also, Mia – take a look at this:
http://www.gemmarose.com.au/show-us-ya-tits
Celebrating breasts. No judgment. No snarky captions. No
This simply photo collection manages to showcase all the beautiful differences between us. That is real diversity. It shows women who are proud of their bodies for what they are. There is none of this “some women are lucky, so let’s ignore them”, no putting people down to make others feel better. It’s just a celebration.
Now go back and read this article:
http://www.mamamia.com.au/parenting/dear-world-this-is-what-a-woman-looks-like-soon-after-giving-birth-to-a-human-baby/
It’s disgusting that you congratulate someone on showing us what “real” is. Are we so pathetic that we need to be shown how we should be, by yet another source? Real is what we see in the mirror every single day. Giving us another example to aspire to is just as wrong as what is happening in the mainstream media.
I really, really think that if you are going to make body image (especially post-partum body image) your “thing” you need to do some research and invest some more thought in it. There is opportunity for change, but there are so many ways of going about it that are less damaging than yours. Don’t continually use your voice just to make another subsection of women feel like crap for not fitting the standards you promote.
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Sorry Anonymous but I doubt that The mums who are walking around with flat tummies and size 8 figures weeks after giving birth are going to feel too awful or marginalised by this article. They may just be thinking ‘lucky me!’. No matter how many times this subject has been written on, women everywhere continue to struggle with body image issues and discussion of bellies that still look 4 months pregnant after giving birth gives a real and rational perspective.
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Melany, that’s BS and trust me, that’s not how it works. I am a size 8 and whenever there is an article on body image here, I end up feeling horrible after reading some of the comments. That’s not what should be happening, criticising one body type instead of the other is not making progress.
And no, I don’t walk around thinking “God, I am lucky, life is perfect” just because I am thin. It hurts when you body type is bashed so that those who are bigger can feel better.
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Jess I am a size 8 too but still have body image issues that are relevantly discussed on this website.
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Anonymous, I think you are really missing the point of this article and Mia’s comments. Bottom line is that women’s bodies aren’t perfect and we need to be accepting of all changes that occur when having a baby. The post-baby bodies featured in magazines aren’t a reality for most every day people.
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I have 3 children, my youngest just 3 months, my eldest 7 years. I am very self conscious about my belly at the moment, and am trying to become more comfortable with it, but I’m pretty hard on myself in regards to it. But when it comes to someone else and their post baby belly, I think, love it, embrace it, you look great. Why can’t I see that in myself so easily? After watching this video I have decided to stop giving myself a hard time about my beautiful belly that gave me three gorgeous children!
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Absolutely beautiful. I wish ALL mums could see this. They should show it at all Birthing Classes. Thank you for sharing.
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Reminds me of a page I found a few years ago – “Shape of a Mother” – here’s my contribution.. the blog is definitely worth a browse!
http://theshapeofamother.com/blog/finally-feel-like-a-woman-erin/
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I often pop onto this site, 3 years after my last baby, fabulous place.
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I am fine with my post baby body. I weigh less than I did, sure the tummy is a little podgy but I didn’t get stretch marks and I have never had a poor body image pre and post children. I think we need to focus on what’s good and not focus on what you don’t like. If you ever asked a model what her worst feature is, she is not going to tell you as that would point it out. No-one else notices except you. So girls stop being so hard on yourself.
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no stretch marks I am so envious!
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Took me a year first time and I dare say, will be the same for second. My priority is feeding baby and that means eating.
Was enjoying a rare afternoon out sunday at the park enjoying the sunshine & bouncing baby on knee when the conversation of two couples next to me were marvelling about the looks of a pregnant lady walking past and that she would surely ‘bounce back’. The men were just as into the discussion as their girlfriends. One of the girls asserted her sister was ‘thinner than before’ and on and on it went. I largely ignore this kind of talk but I thought it really puts a downer on what is a marvellous achievement and experience to focus on what the body of the woman who had the baby looks like!!. I could care less what they thought of me, just sad that they’re so shallow, vain and brainless. And a little irritated that those thoughts intruded on my moment of joy with the kids.
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p.s. Not to negate the benefits or otherwise of mums being fit or those mums who do lose weight if they want to etc. Just that these vapid couples had nothing else at all to say about pregnancy/birth than the looks of the mum.
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I found this article a bit hard to understand because she kept switching tenses. So, is she now back to her pre-pregnancy body/weight? Or still 5 kgs over? What does ‘when I stopped breastfeeding, my body returned to its former shape of its own accord’ mean? Does she mean her boobs went down in size then or did she actually drop those 5 kgs when she stopped breast feeding?
This is all extremely relevant as I have a 7 week old baby, am breast-feeding, and feel like crying every time I look in the mirror.
I was a big girl anyway, so I’ve now tipped over from ‘pleasantly plump’ to plain ol’ fat.
I do feel a lot better about myself now that me and my husband have started having sex again though.
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That would be my atrocious editing. It was written in several frames of minds so it should make sense now!
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lol thanks Rick xx
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It goes down as the weeks and months go by, I promise! You don’t even notice it, but it does gradually go away. Don’t fret!
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Hang in there ladybird73! It does get better, but it will take time. I know how you feel, tipping from “pleasantly plump to plain ol’ fat” – that was me! I had twins first time round and I was a post-partum MESS! I only realised how mishapen, stretched and generally huge I was when I ran into an old school friend who didn’t even recognise me!
) you’ll be back to “pleasantly plump”.
But it does get better, I promise! After few months your muscles and skin will have had a chance to contract and heal. The baby fog lifs a little, the hormones settle down. You’ll get a chance to focus a bit on looking after yourself, and in no time at all (in hinsight at least
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Youre only 7 weeks post partum. Don’t be too hard on yourself. If you’re breastfeeding, the weight doesn’t tend to shift much until a few months down the track, so just take care of you and your baby for now.
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Has this article got the wrong year on the date? It says 2011, not 2012 as the publish date!
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There seems to be a LOT of recycling of articles and topics on this site recently – very disappointing! And how many times can you run the “post baby body” angle? Enough already…
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Jruth, this isn’t a recycled article. It was just loaded at the end of last year which means the ‘publish’ date was 2011. I changed the month and date but forgot to change the year.
This is a submission and one woman’s story. If you don’t like these stories, you’re free to read something else.
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It could be 2011. This article seems vaguely familiar.
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Nah, it’s an original. It was just put into the back of the site at the end of last year and I forgot to change the date when publishing!
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Mamamia needs another editor then if you don’t have the skills to edit well.
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I hope they hire someone who can play jazz flute. I love jazz flute.
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I love you Rick, you’re always so funny & kind. Even when people are being tools.
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Life’s too short to be a miserable grumpybum
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I think you are a great editor and writer! If I had half your talent I would be thrilled. But at 27 I’m still working on it.
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“to err is human…”
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Anon- if you’re going to criticize, put your name to it!
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Anon, wow, have you REALLY never accidentally written the previous year in JANUARY??? If that’s the case, you really are special and should declare your name so we can get you a plaque!
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Yeah, by the time I get used to writing the year correctly, another one rolls over!
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Hi anon- people make those types
Of mistakes often in January. In fact, when I was applying for my admission as a solicitor, in January 2010, I swore my affidavit with the date listed as January 2009 and that was filed in court. I realized and corrected the error, but that was a significantly terrifying mistake and a more serious mistake than Rick has made with the date on this article! Mistakes with dates just happen at this time of year!
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Ok – the article itself may not be recycled but the topic and ideas expressed are so very similar to others run recently. Right down to the shot of Jools Oliver at the top!
And of course I don’t have to read this article, or any other on this site, but I did assume that you and others at Mamamia would want me too – and that you might be concerned to know when your readers are getting jaded about repetitive themes…
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This post currently has more than 125 comments with women citing many different experiences with their bodies. It seems that other readers are still interested in this topic and finding plenty to talk about.
I love that some women have commented that this was just the type of post that they needed to read today because they are struggling with body image after a big change in their life.
If it doesn’t interest you, don’t read it! I care about some topics more than others, and that’s what guides my reading and commenting.
This site — and any other site, for that matter — can’t tailor to everybody’s idiosyncratic likes, dislikes, and sense of enough or not enough.
Let’s be cool.
It can’t be easy managing a website like this. I write a blog with one post a day and that’s hard enough work for me.
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It was also, by a very large margin, our most read post on Mamamia yesterday
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I got my figure back fairly quickly after having 3 children, I tried hard not to put on much weight only about 10 kgs. My stomach is fairly flat ,BUT I still have thick stretch marks that got worse with each baby. I hate them – sorry but I think they are the most hideous things given to mothers! And the worst thing about them is they never go. You can have the flattest tummy in the world but under the clothes it still looks yuk
You never see anyone in the media post birth with stretch marks EVER. Do they photoshop them or all get tummy tucks done?? i know some women are blessed not to get them, but most do.
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There was a photo of Katie Holmes in a swimming pool a few months ago- and she had very obvious stretch marks all over her tummy.
Was so happy to see a pic that wasn’t shopped to remove them!
Just found this link- shows her at the beach in a bikini with stretch marks
http://earlybirdcatchestheworm.wordpress.com/2011/06/27/does-katie-holmes-bikini-body-in-who-make-us-feel-better-about-our-own/
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Same, I only put on 8 kgs with each pregnancy and I’m still a size ten at over 40 but my stretch marks are still there.
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As women we are bombarded with conflicting messages about our bodies and how we should feel about them. One that sticks with me is “you should love your body no matter what it looks like”, and it sticks because it seems so positive and well intentioned, which I’m sure it is. But I wonder if this idea – that we all must love our bodies – just creates even more guilt. I don’t love my body all the time, I don’t always like how it looks (though sometimes I do), I am frequently frustrated by its limitations. This notion that I should be in love with it seems to me to simplify the complex feelings that I have towards it, that aren’t all positive.
Personally, I think it’s healthier to own our discontent, and not worry that we’re doing something wrong when we don’t feel 100% about our appearance and abilities. The weight of constantly loving ourselves is a heavy expectation to carry.
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Like! I agree 100%. Yes my body did a great job bearing two children etc etc, but I hate the flab, and I hate the stretchmarks. I’ve tried really hard not to, but at the end of the day, I’m still carrying 6 kilos more than I did pre-kids, it shows, it’s unsightly, and it’s unhealthy. I could wave the white flag, but then where is the drive to improve my health, and feel better about myself?
Others obviously feel differently and are more accepting, but I haen’t got there, and am not sure I want to. I admit I am jealous of friends who “bounce back”, and it seems such a lottery as to who pulls up well after birth, and who doesn’t. And then, of course, the guilt!
That said, since my first child was born 3 1/2 years ago, I’ve only had a 3 month break from breastfeeding – when I was 6-9 months pregnant with my second. So I’m really curious to see if I can shake the last few kilos then…because diet and exercise just don’t seem enough at the moment.
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This is so timely. I have struggled so much coming to grips with my post-baby body and like the author, I feel disgusted at how vain I have become; almost like my entire identity and worth as a woman is wrapped up in my body and how I look. I never thought I was one of ‘those’ people, but evidently I am
My partner is so reassuring and loves me no matter what, but I can’t help but try and dissect his thoughts when he looks at my droopy breasts and stretch marked belly. But, as I keep reminding myself, it’s a small price to pay for my beautiful little girl! I just wish I could get over it already.
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That’s so nice that your partner is reassuring. Mine seems to have lost interest in me recently and hasn’t even looked at my tummy since the baby has been born. That makes me feel really sad. I exercise regularly trying to get fitter (for my own sake) but it would be so nice to have my husband give me some reassurance. Things are fine and he’s a lovely guy but there’s that white elephant in the room as he doesn’t seem to want to have much physical contact with me..
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It sounds like you need to talk about it with him and let him know it’s upsetting you.
IMO the relationship between parents post baby would make a good subject for a future post (hint, hint). Some are traumatized by the birth and the arrival of a baby is a big upheaval for both parents and their relationship.
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This article has depressed me greatly
especially as just yesterday I wrote about finally having a positive body image and coming to terms with my changing body. http://newsroomtonursery.wordpress.com/
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Ooops. Not the intended effect, I’m sure. HOWEVER… there are many things about pregnancy, child-birth and the post-natal period ( ie these are only possibilities and not givens – excruciatingly painfully engorged breasts when milk comes in, attachment issues with breast feeding, torn/cut/stitched perineums that make it impossible to sit and comfortably feed one’s baby sore perineums, bladder issues etc) that nobody warns you about.
In some ways, perhaps it’s best that people discover these things when and IF they apply to them. All of the above applied to me. IF I’d been forewarned it might have made it all less scary and alarming. I expected the painful labour, just not the rest!
Anyway, ExpectantElle, I wish you safe and wonderful pregnancy, childbirth and post natal period. I also wish you a stretch mark free belly! Miraculously the gods granted me this one blessing!
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Thanks for your comment rachel1260. My mum has alway said that her experience of labour was just like bad period pain. Now, that shouldn’t be too bad,right? Except I have quite dastardly pain a lot of months to the point of vomiting (had many check ups/tests; all is well so that’s reassuring).
Mum’s off the cuff comments, which were to reassure me more than alarm me did the exact opposite effect… I’ve been screaming for an epidural for labour and I’m not even pregnant!!!
This was all put into perspective though when a friend pointed out that at least I will have some idea of what to exect… She’d never experienced even a tiny twinge of period pain so was scared wittless when contractions began.
Knowlede is power, afterall.
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Agreed, Rachael1260. I’m so very glad that Mamamia and those who share their stories here, have opened my eyes to many of these things. I didn’t know about many of these pregnancy related possibilities and I would be in for a rude shock. No one around me has had a baby recently so I don’t hear these snippets of information. I know that my experience will be unique but at least I have some idea of the continuum of experiences I might have and I am grateful that my eyes have been opened.
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Hey Georgie, I think it’s pretty normal to feel unsettled about a “mummy tummy” and when we surveyed women with kids, more than half said their tum was their least favourite part of their bodies.
).
Part of that is because we rarely see in the media, what women’s tummies look like (without a bit of photo-shop
Love the pics in the gallery, and there are a load of photos here too – with messages from women accepting their bodies:
What real mummy tummies look like – http://www.foxinflats.com.au/2011/11/what-real-mummy-tummies-look-like/
x Andrea
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