This is Nicole’s dog, Onion.
By NICOLE FABIAN-WEBER
Dear Onion,
Hey buddy. How you doin’? I like your haircut. I know I used to be against bandanas after a trip to the groomer, but I’ll make an exception this time. One, because it’s cute with the little doggies on it (very meta). And two, because — well, I just don’t care about your personal style as much as I once did.
You can say it; it’s true. After having a (real) baby, I’ve become a deadbeat dog mum.
They tried to warn me, but I didn’t listen. I even swore to you during the very last weeks of my pregnancy that it wouldn’t happen. And I didn’t think it would! I thought I’d be different. I thought we were different. Remember when I was decorating your sister’s nursery and I put you in the crib and took pictures and texted them them to people? That seems like another life. I never take photos of you anymore. It’s all baby, all the time. (But to be totally forthcoming, this bandana’s upped the ante a bit.)
You secretly hate me a little bit lately. I know it. Your eyes that were once limpid pools have recently taken on a resemblance to Macaulay Culkin’s in The Good Son. And what’s more unsettling is, on occasion, your displeasure with me appears to be turning into apathy — and I don’t like that. Everybody knows the opposite of love is apathy, not hate. I don’t like it when you bark (and bark and bark and bark and bark) at me when I’m on the floor playing with your sister, or when you disobey me and sit on those nice, clean Aden + Anais swaddling blankets we’re laying on, but there’s something slightly (slightly) comforting about you doing those things. Like, I know you’re okay.
I pretty much step over you when I come home now, too. Sorry about that. You don’t know this, but I used to text the dogwalker when I was at work sometimes to see how you were doing. Now I don’t even think of you when I’m out of the house! (I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but I’m on a roll here — this is cathartic, don’t you think?) When I walk in the door, I just want to (pee and then) get to your sister. She needs me more than you do right now. You had three blissful years of undivided attention with your father and me. It’s her turn now. I know you don’t like this reality, but can you at least understand it?
Look, buddy. I still love you…
Your walks are abbreviated too now. I apologize. Unless of course we’re walking with your sister, in which case they’re longer and more leisurely than ever before. So … there’s that?
Look, buddy. I still love you. I know I don’t show it much these days, but you’ve gotta trust me: I do. And while we’re getting everything out in the open, I just want to say — please don’t get mad at your sister for this. It’s not her fault everyone’s obsessed with her. It’s mine and your father’s. For creating something so cute. Oh, and I know I’ve never said anything to you before, but I really do appreciate your remaining docile when she “pets” you via pulling your fur. Way to be a team player.
I don’t say it often, but you’re a good boy, Onion. I could do without the blood-curdling yapping every time the doorbell rings, but nonetheless, you’re a good boy. And no matter what, you’ll always be my first “baby.”
Love, Mom (if you’ll still call me that)
This post was originally published on TheStir.com by Nicole Fabian-Weber. You can read the original post here.
You can also read a post about feeling guilty leaving work for your kid and learn how to potty train your toddler in a weekend.
Nicole is mom to a 5-month-old girl, and a 4-year-old shih tzu. Wife to a 33-year-old man.She’s blogged for a bevy of websites; written essays for McSweeney’s and Hackwriters; and worked on a ton of sitcoms.
Did your pet take a back seat after having a baby?
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Comments
46 Comments so far
Awwww that’s so sad! That’s the very thing I’m worried about! I hear that from a lot of dog owers! I wrote a similar post…http://www.chewylicious.com/dogs-babies-pregnancy-oh-my/ so worried about THIS exactly happening…it’s a nightmare as for the dog-babies I’m sure they feel neglected but they love you just the same!
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Thank you so much, I don’t feel quite as guilty. I told my dog the same thing but it just seems I don’t have the energy left over for her after the baby. I love my dog but she’s easier to maintain then her little brother haha.
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As an animal euthanasia technician in an animal shelter I don’t find this the slightest bit amusing. I have euthanised countless animals who weren’t wanted by their owners for no fault of their own, and it troubles me that it kills me inside while irresponsible pet owners don’t care enough to find another alternative.
Now I know I’ve gone to the extreme here, but yeah, not cool.
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Carrie, I think this comment is a bit of an over-reaction, don’t you.
Nearly every pet owner who has a baby experiences the pangs of guilt that they don’t lavish quite as much attention on their pets now. The animals are still loved and well cared for, no-one is shipping them of to get euthanased just because they had a baby. Oh, and I’m an ex-vet nurse, so don’t accuse me of being naive about why people euthanase pets.
Don’t make all the mothers out there with new babies and dogs out there feel even worse.
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“Carrie, I think this comment is a bit of an over-reaction, don’t you.”
If you read carefully before putting fingers to keyboard, Carrie *did* say “Now I know I’ve gone to the extreme here, but yeah, not cool.”
“Don’t make all the mothers out there with new babies and dogs out there feel even worse.”
Oh, so we are supposed to tip toe around new mums or koutou in reverence? The rest of us who care about the commitment to caring for a pet have every right to comment. Mums are not afforded some kind of get-out-of-jail free card just because they can reproduce. Indeed, modern aren’t-we-marvelous parents are arguably more accountable than non-parents given that they are — as they like to intone — supposedly oh-so-responsible with their new charges.
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I don’t think the author is suggesting she’s going to take her dog to an animal shelter because she had a baby. Yes, you have taken this to the extreme, in my opinion, but your words are still a poignant reminder that there are less-than responsible dog owners.
In a couple of years, if not months, Nicole, the bub will love Onion and I am sure Onion will become and remain an active member of the family.
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Carrie, I agree. I fear that this would have happened to my dog if I hadn’t stepped in. I rescued him after his original owners had a baby and were neglecting him.
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THank you! Someone who keeps their dog a part of their lives! We are newly married and have a nine month old pup. Since he came along I have taken the back set with my husband! I love billy(the dog) but my husband absolutely loves and adores him. He spends 5 minutes with the dog before greeting me when e gets home, from the moment he’s home billy follows him everywhere, I don’t think billy will ever be just the dog to us. When we look after friends children overnight billy sleeps lying across the door when they cry he goes in. He’s a very special dog and very tuned into humans, I think most are. I find it devastating when I hear of dogs that have been neglected after baby.
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Covering my dogs little eyes! Oh my darling!
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Hilarious really
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I always feel so sorry for the pets that go through this. It’s a good thing dogs, particularly, aren’t more jealous creatures, because I think a lot of children would end up bitten otherwise. We got our pets when we were already parents, so they never got treated like furry children and had no real adjustment to go through when we had more kids.
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This is so true, my cat went from being my baby to just being a cat, which is the way it should be really, and now I look back I can’t believe the way I used to treat him like a baby, guess I was really clucky and didn’t realise.
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On a different note, does anyone know what happened to the open post? I MISS it …
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Hey Kez,
We’re been experimenting with a few new things at the moment. And one of those things was to sort of combine open post with Friday’s best and worst, which we like to think of as the water cooler/community notice board of MM.
Always keen for feedback though – so if you’ve got any, please send it on through!
Lucy
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I understand (as someone has previously commented) that this article was intended as a lighthearted piece, but the underlying issue really is serious. I have considered this happening to me (as much as I adore and am am entirely devoted to my dog), and so am putting off child-rearing for as long as biologically possible. When we brought our puppy home, I, who had never had a dog and certainly didn’t expect him to make such an incredible impact on my life, became firmly committed to provide him with the very best existence I could…as I imagine parents do with their human babies. This sense of responsibility shouldn’t wane once other commitments arise. Our dogs certainly didn’t choose this life, or us as their owners, and it is our responsibility to treat them with as much respect, lavish them with as much love and attention as we can. Sorry to get all preachy but I really don’t think it’s enough to say “I’ve got ‘bigger’ responsibilities now…”. A life is a life.
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And a dog is a dog…I agree that due care and responsibility should be taken. But raising a child involves a heck lot more than caring for an animal.
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You’re putting off having children for as long as biologically possible in order to enjoy your life with your dog?? Whoa….. I have no words. Don’t wait too long – I think once the baby comes along you might feel a little foolish (from someone called Feline whose cat was my world).
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Don’t worry so much! Once your future children are past the ‘baby’ stage, I’m sure your dog will LOVE playing with them.
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Oh come on! A dog is a dog. A baby is a wee bit different. Don’t wait too long on account of an animal, you might leave it too late…
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We have 2 Staffys, both joined our family after our first child turned 3. Once you invite a staffy to be part of your pack you don’t get uninvite them, I swear they whinge more than the kids, no barking, just whingy crying when they feel they haven’t been getting enough attention.
Dont know about other staffy owners, but when our second baby was born the mutts wouldn’t leave me alone, I would sit there breastfeeding with a baby on my lap and 2 dogs sitting on my feet, if our son cried, both dogs would “cry” too lol
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Haha this is so true! My staffy cries all the time. When she feels like she’s been outside for too long, when she wants to go outside & if I dare leave the house without her or the leash. She thinks she’s a human it’s so cute, she knows how to cuddle too
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Yup, I’m a Staffy Mum and we don’t have kids yet but I often wonder how our boy is going to hope when bubbas come along. If it’s cold, he crys. When it’s hot, he sighs. When we’ve been home for too long and haven’t let him in yet, he barks to alert us to the fact he is outside and ready to come in now. Oh and he snores. Loudly.
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I have three kids. Only two of them have four legs. I’m a single mumma. And I work full time. I’m not going to pretend my dogs get as much attention as they used to. But I don’t love them any less, and I’m sure Nicole feels the same. In fact, I may even love them more if that’s possible: they are incredible with Bubba. They’re always there for me, and I know how much they appreciate that the half hour after Bubba goes to bed, and I’ve gotten us (vaguely) ready for the following time, it’s puppy time. Just the three of us spending quality time together. It’s not what it used to be, but it’s love none the less! They were interviewed yesterday (the dogs that is – link at the bottom of this post http://wp.me/p1m5Gv-VX) and they seem happy enough!
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I have read all of the comments so far and agree with Vegas, KAteateight and Charlote.
We had a dog before we had children. She was the apple of our eye. I took her everywhere with me and the three of us spent a lot of time together. Then came our first baby. Surprisingly, there was still enough time in the day to spend with her. To take her for walks, for drives in the car and she still slept in our room at night. Baby #2 came along 14 months later. Two babies, two carseats, a double pram and a dog. Always ‘and a dog’. Two years after that – another baby. 3 under 4 and a dog. In the car, at the supermarket, parks, everywhere. Sure her life changed a little – there was no way it couldn’t but she was still active and a very much loved part of our family. When she died at the age of 14, my children were 11, 10 and 7 – we were all devastated. The children lost their playmate – someone who was always a constant in their lives. Someone who ALWAYS greeted them with joy and love. Someone who wanted to be with them all of the time. Someone who taught them how to be gentle and loving and caring. Someone whom they helped look after and who helped look after them.
You all need to think about your dog and its role in your lives. Seriously. I think this article is written as a piece of lighthearted fluff – however, it is a serious subject.
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I almost started crying when you mentioned how devastated your family was by the death of your dog. I’m sorry for your loss & thank you for sharing
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I have read all of the comments so far and agree with Vegas, KAteateight and Charlote.
We had a dog before we had children. She was the apple of our eye. I took her everywhere with me and the three of us spent a lot of time together. Then came our first baby. Surprisingly, there was still enough time in the day to spend with her. To take her for walks, for drives in the car and she still slept in our room at night. Baby #2 came along 14 months later. Two babies, two carseats, a double pram and a dog. Always ‘and a dog’. Two years after that – another baby. 3 under 4 and a dog. In the car, at the supermarket, parks, everywhere. Sure her life changed a little – there was no way it couldn’t but she was still active and a very much loved part of our family. When she died at the age of 14, my children were 11, 10 and 7 – we were all devastated. The children lost their playmate – someone who was always a constant in their lives. Someone who ALWAYS greeted them with joy and love. Someone who wanted to be with them all of the time. Someone who taught them how to be gentle and loving and caring. Someone whom they helped look after and who helped look after them.
You all need to think about your dog and its role in your lives. Seriously. I think this article is written as a piece of lighthearted fluff – however, it is a serious subject.
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we just got a kitten, and our poor doggie has dropped down the hierarchy even further….after two kids this is totally a kick in the guts for her
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hi
i dont think you should take this situation so lightly. You chose to get the dog, so regardless of what else is going on in your life, make time for the dog. He is a part of your family and doesn need your attention and care like the rest of the family members.
I work at an animal shelter. i see people like you often, then laugh it off too. i dont think its funny, i think you should pull your socks up. You have a responsibility to your dog.
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Woah! it’s not like she isn’t feeding the thing and abusing it!
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Dogs require much more than just food. Imagine you had been an integral part of a loving family and then, for some reason you don’t understand, you are virtually ignored and just have food put before you – confused much? And people wonder why dogs misbehave!
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sorry what an OTT response to a funny, lighthearted but accurate portrayal of what happens for many. our dog was the “baby”, until our actual baby came along. Not our dog is our dog. Still loved, still part of the family. But a dog. This is so much more healthier for our Chewy, instead of being dressed up, cooed at and carried. We were warned it would happen, and didn’t believe it. But yep, it’s true. Dogs are not humans
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I’ve seen this happen so often – even to myself. Your dog is your baby until you have an actual baby. At which time it often goes back to being an actual dog.
My youngest is now 4 and we have sort of rediscovered our dog after him getting a bit lost in the shuffle for the past few years amidst all the competing demands of humans.
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hahaha I love this! My poor fur babies were hydrobathed every fortnight, and groomed every 6 weeks without fail. They were never late for a vets appointment and only ate the best food. They were walked most days, and the days that they weren’t walked they were played with. Then the baby came along and pretty much everything except for the hydrobath stopped. Then that gradually petered out (due to the people we used closing their business and I couldn’t find anyone else I liked). The baby is now just turned 2 and the walks have been getting more frequent. I found out recently they had their first flea infestation and since then it’s gone almost back to how it used to be. I felt so guilty not treating them the same when the baby came along but I just didn’t have enough time to go around, especially when I started working too. When I found out they had fleas I realised that it wasn’t their fault that my free time had changed and I’ve scheduled them back into my life again. I’ve basically lost 2 years with them (which is 14 years in their time) not very fair on them at all. I’m glad I’m not the only one though.
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I don’t understand why you’ve stopped taking them to the vets or feeding them good food, this doesn’t take up too much time. But I understand if it’s a money issue.
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Hi sorry I definitely should have clarified the vet thing. I didn’t stop taking them to the vet altogether, I was just late in having one of them vaccinated once and the vet had to rang me up to remind me – I was very embarrassed considering how I was always so organised with things like that. They weren’t actually ill needing to see a vet or anything. Also, yes unfortunately while I was on maternity leave we couldn’t afford $120 for a large bag of advance so we started buying purina which is about half the price. You’ll be pleased to know it didn’t affect seem to affect their health at all.
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Oh no, I wasn’t being mean. sorry. I thought you meant like they went from meaty bites to homebrand dog food.
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haha no worries
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I feel like this is going to make people think “ok, other people do this, it’s fine for me to ignore my dog”. Reassuring them that they don’t have to change their behaviour.
Sure, it’s better than mistreating your dog – but if you had another baby, you wouldn’t ignore your first baby – so why do you think it is ok to ignore your dog?
Remember YOU chose to have a dog, YOU chose to have a baby – your dog is a passive participant, dependent on you for everything.
Be kinder, he can’t change his life, only you can.
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While what you’re saying is exactly true, I think it’s more that some people treat their dogs like their babies, then they have babies and they realise that they are really just dogs and it’s not the same thing at all (this is what happened to me). I wouldn’t call it mistreatment as such, just a dogs role changes in a household once a real baby comes along. Plus often it’s just a time issue, when a babies a baby there’s less time available for the dog, but as the baby grows into a toddler or child it’s easier to spend time with both of them again if that makes sense, and it kind of goes back to how it was.
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I agree with anon. It’s not that I mistreat my dog since I had a baby, just that I no longer view her as a ‘baby’. She’s a dog. She still gets fed and walked and patted. She just has to sleep in the laundry and I take less photos of her.
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Well everyone told me my beloved dog would be outside, and get no walks, and no attention etc etc etc, once my baby was born. Nope. I swore it wouldn’t happen, and it hasn’t. She still gets two walks every day. Nice long walks. And she is access all areas in the house. I take and post a million pictures of her. She has had to accept she’s underneat my little girl on the totem pole, and she now has to wait for me to get my toddler sorted out before we go out in the morning, but life hasn’t changed too much for her. I work full time and my husband is a shift worker, but I felt like I’d made a commitment to the dog when we got her, and it wasn’t her fault we subsequently had a baby. She’s still a part of our family and gives me moments of joy every day. I love her to bits and make sure she knows it (as I do my daughter…)
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This is my story. My life. My poor furry baby.
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Oh, I feel so bad about this too. Here’s my case in point: when I used to travel without my pets, I would research the nicest dog and cat kennel the city had to offer. I would spend an afternoon dropping my dog off at her luxury resort, and then drive 30 minutes away to drop the cat off at her spa.
Since baby? The only criteria was for the kennel to accept both cats and dogs, and be open early enough so I can drive there while my baby is napping. In my defense, I did phone the kennel owners vs book online to make sure they sound friendly.
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Yes, my dog well and truly took a backseat and has never quite recovered. A friend of mine dotes on her little puppy… but she has a baby due in a few weeks. I jokingly remarked she should pay lots of attention to the dog now while she still give a sh*t and she said “things won’t change. Every day when I get home, I’ll put the baby down for five minutes and do and play with the dog”.
I cannot wait to remind her of that statement in a few months. We’ll laugh, and then feel bad for our dogs.
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I have a friend like that, who also thinks the ‘baby thing’ will be a breeze because ‘I’ve already practiced on the dog’.
I just nod and smile.
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I still found time to put the baby down and make sure my dogs were cuddled, cared for and knew they were loved. It doesn’t take that much effort to continue to love. In return they loved the baby and their role in their extended family. To make out you couldn’t possibly find time for them anymore is a bit lame in my book (the one where pets are a commitment and deserve your attention and some respect).
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