Comments on: J is for judgement. W is for women.

By: antonia

antonia — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 02:03:09 +0000

My mother always taught me to never judge other people’s style of parenting or their children because you never know what you will be like when it is your turn. Maybe a few people should keep that in mind and also remember the saying “if you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything at all.”

By: Couldn't agree more

Couldn't agree more — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 01:46:12 +0000

As a woman currently pregnant with my first child, I can totally relate to this article. After reams of unsolicited ‘advice’, which comes in spades from both women who have and haven’t had their own children, I have recently reached my limit with some particular know-it-alls and have responded with… “You know what another word for unsolicited advice is? Judgement”. Shuts them right up!

By: Shelley Little

Shelley Little — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 09:54:31 +0000

I only judge when the mother and child behaviour is outlandish and unsocial – like the little kid who wipes his nose on my skirt and the mother who giggles and smiles with adoration. Then I judge till the cows come home.

By: Em

Em — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 09:37:50 +0000

Still dining off this one eh? Have confidence in your own choices and be happy. Most mums I know are too busy to bother judging anybody. Not that judgement is a bad word/deed – didn’t Mia write a great article about that?

By: Amy

Amy — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 09:01:36 +0000

I am 17 weeks pregnant, 37 years old. I plan to hear everyone’s arguments and then do as I damn well please, as I have always done.
I got a bit of practice planning my wedding (got married 6 weeks again – man o man the final throes of wedding planning while suffering from extreme fatigue and nausea – that’s some fun stuff) – another topic on which everyone has an opinion. Bless.
I do wonder why people feel the need to offer unsolicited opioions about stuff. I try REALLY hard not to do it, having been a terrible culprit in my feminazi youth. My bestie tells me I am the most objective person she knows (which is very kind of her) though also that I can say a lot with a raised eyebrow (oops, betrayed by my own body). It might be because I am not allowed to offer personal advice at work so I don’t in my private life anymore either.
I do think that it would be helpful if we could find new ways to express ourselves to our sisters (and fellas too). Information sharing is apparantly what us girls are awesome at, so howzabout we think about using non judgemental language when we present our ideas to each other – say ‘hey some people like to do such and such with their babies, maybe this is something you could do’ instead of ‘you should do such and such’.
I try and imagine how I might feel if I were the other person in my interactions, which also helps tread on less toes…

By: Fifi

Fifi — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 00:23:33 +0000

Judging each other on our wealth, status, intelligence, appearance etc. – and that of our family and friends as an extension of us, has been around since time immemorial.

I have only recently found myself beginning to understand that people’s opinions and judgements are just that – theirs! I have been trying (not always successfully) to listen to what others have to say, consider it, adopt, adapt or pass on it, and then move on (remembering that others will apply this to my judgements or opinions).

The Mother’s club is like any other, it is made up of many members, from many walks of life, with many ‘experts’ in the field – espousing many opinions and judgements. It can be a rich club in terms of resources, knowledge and support…but just like shopping, I’ve found it saves a lot of wasted time and energy if I just take what fits me and leave the rest for others who might like it better.

By: green trees

green trees — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 10:52:54 +0000

i’m with you.
i’ve got two kids, i do my best and what works for me/my husband and don’t much care how others give birth/feed their baby/sleeping arrangements/discipline/work or stay at home. i got enough on my plate without worrying about what everyone else is up to.
the mummy wars gets depressing.

By: anon

anon — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 10:28:13 +0000

Yawn. I have no idea why I just read this. For some reason I was expecting insight instead of the old “please don’t judge each other” routine. I myself would like to stand up and say: I am a good person, but yes, I also judge and generalise and stereotype other people (including other mothers) at times.

To a certain degree, these much-maligned practices are essential for understanding our place in the world. A bit crude, a bit small minded, a bit cruel… yes yes yes, but… it’s also the plain truth of being a human being. We are complex, multi-dimensional creatures, and it’s not all nice… not all “casseroles and wisdom.”

The much more important thing is knowing WHEN to give voice to your opinions, and when to be silent; when to gloss over the truth a little, in order to live cohesively, and when to simply give comfort to someone who’s having a tough time… As many mothers of young children are.

Well, besides Jacinta.

By: Najla

Najla — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 00:53:36 +0000

This is an awesome article. When I am in judgement zone, I do my best to pull myself up. I look at it from the other persons perspective.

I still breastfeed my toddler, I use no chemicals on my son. I co sleep. I use cloth nappies. I cook. I clean.

BUT, I send my son to daycare. I do not eat organice yet etc.

My sisters are COMPLETELY opposite. They Bottlefed. Did controleld cryinfg. Do not educate their toddlers like I do. They used disposables, chemicals, etc. THEY ARE GOOD MUMS who are doing the best they can with the information they had.

Am I a better mum because I choose to make informed decisions for my son? NO. I too have made some grave mistakes. It is what it is. I am doing the best I can just like they are. I love my sisters and they love me. The fact that we parent so differently makes no difference. We feed off each other and learn from each other. My youngest sister just had her first. She has her 3 eldest sisters to look up to. She breastfeeds now and will not engage in controlled crying, because the information I gave makes more sense to her than what my other sisters gave. Does that mean, she does not respect them as parents? NO. She will simply take on their modelling in other ways. We can all learn from each other

By: clarinette

clarinette — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 21:06:51 +0000

this paragraph:
[quote]There wouldn’t be such a chorus of dissent if we had to show our faces. But when a set of initials will do, it gives rise to all manner of uncensored opinions. The rapid rise of mummy blogs – born of such good intent – has made it open slather. Advice from other mums is a vital connection that has literally kept us going for centuries, and the web is the wider-reaching, modern-day version of that, the virtual chat over the back fence without even getting out of your PJs. But it’s not always the supportive community you might crave. Anonymity has the potential to whip up a cliquey spite-fest bringing down anyone who doesn’t toe the line. But what is that line?[/quote]
clearly is directed to the people who commented on her first piece.
the 2 pieces are related: this one is an answer to the comments she recieved. it didn’t happen randomly…