Mia
by MIA FREEDMAN
When I was working at Channel 9, I had this idea for a show: Is My Child Normal?
I thought it was quite genius (I didn’t last long as a TV executive, clearly). It wasn’t going to be a reality show, more like a lifestyle show. Like Getaway or something. OK, yes, I was a bit short on the details but the premise was FANTASTIC.
Because really, it’s the secret question every parent asks at various times, during various stages when their child starts doing something a bit baffling.
Some parents ask this question more than others. About some kids more than others. But I have to say there have been moments in all my kids’ lives from birth until now where I’ve gone “Hmmmm” or even “WTF?!?”.
We all want reassurance that whatever odd thing our kid is doing or saying or eating or wearing is… you know… on the normal spectrum. We all want someone to wash away our secret worries with a conspiratorial laugh and a “Oh totally normal! My kid did that same thing and now she’s a Rhodes Scholar.”
Yes, I know what you’re thinking: why don’t you just ask your friends. It’s not that simple. Firstly, not everyone has a ‘village’ of friends and family around them to provide advice and reassurance (read THIS post to find out why).
And even if you do, parenting can make you feel vulnerable. Too vulnerable to risk sharing something with someone who knows you – and your child - to have them say “What? No. That’s totally fucked up.”
The main reason though is that the sample size of your audience is too small to be of any use. If you say to your friend or sister in law or co-worker “Um, hey did your child ever play with their bellybutton until they turned it from an innie to an outie?” then it’s very likely they will say no.
Kids do so many weird different things that the chances of you finding someone in your inner circle whose kid did the same thing is teeny tiny. Almost non-existent.
Which brings me to this post. Right here right now. As a community service, Mamamia is going to offer up this post as a way for parents to seek reassurance from other parents who already have runs on the board.
I shall go first by leaving the first comment.
Please leave your comment and if you have kids – or know kids – please scan the comments and reply to anyone who might benefit from your wisdom or advice.
Go forth and reassure!
To read more about tools to track your child’s development, go here.
Comments
523 Comments so far
I’m surprised over all the negative posts about this post! I’ve read and re-read the article and can see nothing even vaguely offensive, judgmental or anything like that.
To be the article is saying all children are “normal”. To be there is no such thing as “normal” all children are going through varying stages of develop. Disabled or not, all children are growing up at different stages and times. Most parents at some stage feel their children aren’t exactly the same as children the same age. Whether there is a problem (intellectual impairment) or not, most parents have this problem as their children grow up. And eventually they realise children in a similar age group are doing the same things.
Why people have had no many problems with this post is beyond me. And for the record, my brother has autism and I’m not offended by the term “normal” To be “normal” would equate to “majority” and the majority of people don’t have a intellectual disability.
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Thanks so much Mia. With a child with mild ASD, I found your article neither patronising or offensive. In fact, I breathed a sigh of relief because I question what my child is doing more than anyone and to the point where I wonder if I’m normal!! Being a working single mum, I’m cut off from other kids his age – I don’t see him interact at school or in the playground so don’t have that insight I had when attending mother’s group. Kids do do odd things and you have made me remember there is a funny side to some of the things my son does and I don’t always need to at it to the list of things work ‘fix’.
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mamamia- I am not sure you are listening to your community- I’ve revisited this page again today and there are many posts voicing concerns about this article, the concept of ‘normal’ and the concerns of parents reassuring other parents, and parents grasping onto this reassurance rather than seeking assistance from health professionals. Could you please show a bit more responsibility and add to the article a list of people parents could go to for further information (child health nurse, paediatrician, speech pathologist…) rather than a link practically advertising your new venture ivillage, with developmental charts, which do not substitute for professional assessment and recommendations. This really stresses me out that despite feedback, there have been no changes to the article, and that if one, only one kid misses out on support as his parent thought, ‘well the mamamia community thought he was ok, so i won’t seek help’- well, I think that is irresponsible and negligent to children.
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Really?? I think that is a bit patronising to parents….I don’t think anyone is stupid enough to take any advice given on Mamamia as a definitive medical opinion/diagnosis, any more than Dr Google being the “go-to” for medical advice.
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Usually when discussing kids who aren’t on the spectrum, we use the less emotionally-charged term “neuro-typical”. I think “typical” is less fraught with value-judgement than “normal” for all kids. Let’s try that instead, ok?
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Health care professionals: remember your standards of practice. The internet is not the place to diagnose and make assumptions. Very unprofessional
This is a site for mom’s to relate and reassure. Not for health professionals to give advice under the guise of knowing your complete situation. If you have a concern about your child, please seek the help at a health clinic.
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Ha channel 9- Looks like a popular topic to me. Over 450 comments- Looks like Mia might know a thing or two about what interests women.
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My daughter is 14 months and I was reading an article recently that said if a child favours one hand before 18 months it should be checked out. I’d never really noticed anything before, but taking more note the last 2 days I think she does have a slight preference for her right hand. I’ve tested her with a few things and it doesn’t seem like there is a difference in strength and she can do the same things with her left hand, it’s just she seems to use her right more often… Or I have been known to be a little obsessive
so maybe it’s just that I’m taking notice of it now.
Her development is otherwise right on track, she’s walking and seems to have good motor skills, do you think I should be concerned?
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Why does it need to be checked out?
If a child favours one hand, won’t she be then right or left handed in writing and doing all things? Does it matter which hand she uses most?
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Apparently with ‘normal’ motor development, they shouldn’t be favouring one hand before the age of 18 months.
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Ah right, interesting. I have never heard of that. I have a 4yo and a 15months old daughter, I have never paid attention to their preference of using which hands.Just saying.
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Sounds completely normal to me! Since she is only 4 months off being 18 months maybe she is already developing at a faster rate. These things are usually a guideline and not a one-fits-all.
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Both my kids favoured their right hands before they were 1 year old and yes they are both normal and right handed. Good luck with your beautiful baby!!
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Neither of my 2 boys are what are considered “normal”.
As a young mum, I totally believed that what my sons were doing WAS normal, I didn’t know the way they were behaving wasn’t normal. I had no idea they would have what are termed disabilities. I wasn’t looking for any….the disabilities that they both were diagnosed with eventually weren’t picked up earlier by the medical profession, so at 4 my oldest was diagnosed with a Mild Mod Severe hearing loss, in other words he had to be taught to speak, had cognitive delays, and will wear hearing aids all his life unless there is a “cure” His Dyslexia, and Aspergers were diagnosed later, and my others son was diagnosed with OCD at 7. I didn’t see the signs…others did, even if they didn’t know what the cause was.
I had rose coloured glasses on. Once I found out though I read everything I could on each condition and made sure my boys got the therapy they needed to be able to cope in “normal” surroundings.
My point is…that not every mum is “paranoid” I bet I’m not the only one that thinks their children are “normal” and is shocked to find out otherwise. It’s not surprising if you are a first time mum no?
BTW they are both amazing kids, doing better than I ever thought (or was told they would) and I love them the way they are and so do others
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You make excellent points. It’s never easy to find out that things aren’t actually the way you thought and it can be a hard road. I wish you all the best.
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Without being a total Mrs Stick-in-the-mud, can I say that I am somewhat uncomfortable with this post. Firstly, I find the word ‘normal’ a bit jarring – who decides what is normal and does that mean my son, who has a neurological disability is not and can never be ‘normal’. He goes to school, plays sport, has a messy room and teases his little sister. Pretty normal in many ways. But my bigger concern is the way in which worried parents of kids with issues can be falsely assured by well meaning posters that everything is fine, that’s totally nomral, all kids do that…you know the drill. My son has autism and I was constantly assured by people – online and in real life – that he was fine… I heard it all. “my son didn’t say a single word until he was 3 and then he started speaking full sentences” or “boys are always late talkers”… The thing is, it’s confronting to have to face that your child might have an issue and it’s all too easy to grasp onto words of reassurance – even if it is from a total stranger who has never met your child. I belong to a parenting forum and every week someone posts concerns about their child, only to be reassured by posters that their kid is probably fine, just wait and see. I tried the wait and see approach (after being silly enough to believe eveyone around me who told me my son was fine!) and it meant my son got diagnosed with autism at the age of 4, when he probably coukd have had a diagnosed much earlier – thus getting help and support much earlier. So, here is my long-winded community service announcement, if you have concerns about your child on a developmental level, please seek help and advice from a professional, don’t rely on reassurances from total strangers. Just my opinion…
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Great points. Thanks for making them.
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You are absolutely right and it is all very tricky. Often the people who say things like that about their children e.g “my child didn’t speak until they were 3, and then in full sentences” don’t realise that their child has a problem. Sure, Einstein did that, didn’t talk till he was 4. Did rather well for himself but had Asperger’s Syndrome. Life can be made easier for everyone you can get help in there early enough. Another issue for thos eof us who work in this field is that prior to school, these services are voluntary. To tell a parent that you think something is wrong with their child can go many ways. If a parent becomes angry or is in denial, they can leave the service and then the child misses out. In my work, we always knew that crunch time often came when the child started school. Schools want funding for extra help and you can’t get it without a diagnosis and they don’t pussy foot around because they don’t need to. School is compulsory. It’s a minefield really!
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I was going to comment but I see you did it for me
same story except my son was diagnosed with asperger’s at 8. “Fortunately ” he didn’t miss out on any “services” as there’s nothing in france for autistic kids. Just psychotherapy. I know. Anyway the amount of “boys are slower” and “he is a bit spoilt” that I’ve heard is incredible.
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Usually when discussing kids who aren’t on the spectrum, we use the less emotionally-charged term “neuro-typical”. I think “typical” is less fraught with value-judgement than “normal” for all kids. Let’s try that instead?
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Not everyone knows the neurodiversity lingo ^^
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Re all the bedwetting concerns – in addition to the terry sheet protectors you can also buy these fantastic terry lined/padded Japanese training pants from the internet – which don’t protect against a full bladder but work amazingly well with just a little./ As they are terry towelling lined it means that the child really feels the wetness – I have found that they really helped my son to realise when he needed to go at night (as those first leaking drips can be felt). Just search for “Japanese training pants” on google or ebay – I got a box of new ones from China much cheaper than they cost in Australian stores. Good luck and try not to worry!
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Hi Mamamia Team,
Whilst I have loved reading all of these posts about younger children and whether they are normal…my 3 are a bit older and am wondering if we can do a “Is my teenager normal” post? I would love to hear some useful info about dealing with the craziness of those hormones.
Thanks!
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Great idea!!!! I have a teen too. On it!!!!
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I can already think of so many! like why they decide not to talk to me anymore!!!
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What a brilliant idea!!!
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I haven’t read the comments so forgive me if I’m repeating. My nearly 5 year old is constantly eating. I have tried distracting her and asking her what she’s feeling ie. is it really your stomach or your head. Maybe she’s just a grazer but she is worrying me:( thanks.
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I wonder, If it was a boy would you be worried?
I reckon she is going thru a growth spurt, don’t worry too much. Bit if it’s a concern see your gp.
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Hi there – try not to worry about the amount she’s eating as it may be a growth spurt. Just try and monitor the amounts of each food group she eats – and if you think she’s had enough carbs and fat and protein and dairy try removing these and giving her a big bowl of snack vegies. The crispy crunchiness of sliced vegies attracts some children – and you can’t go far wrong with lots of vegies. I always worried that my son up til 4 was eating too many vegies – and not enough protein (as he hated all forms of protein). Then at 4 he just started tucking into meat by himself. As long as her bowel movements are not too hard or too runny, and she’s not obese for her age (I’m not talking chubby or stocky which is normal) then its probably just a phase. You could take her to a doctor of course (which would provide you with a bit of reassurance). There is nothing like a bit of reassurance to calm the mind! Good luck!
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Hey MM-ers,
As a non-parent I’m just sticking my head in to say hello. *Waves*. I loved reading the comments in this post – it’s amazing to see how supportive and reassuring another person’s experience can be.
I’m thinking we need one for adults too. I don’t have any children’s behaviour to worry about but I sure worry about my own normality occasionally (alright, more than occasionally) and wouldn’t mind this sort of support!
Jamila
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Let’s do that post sister girlfriend.
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What about pets?
I can see it now.
Dear MM,
My cat Missy likes to sniff my feet and then pull a face like she’s just smelled death. Is this normal?
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Wonderful post. Thanks MM. This and the part time parenting post makes me feel like some of the feedback on Mm’s role in the mummy wars has gotten through. I love the discussions/debates on parenting but can see the difference in the comments when the post starts off with a respectful tone. I keep meaning to leave Mm when I see posts setting the tone of posts judging other parents decisions ( eg mums who work a la original James Wilkinson post and mocking people with birth plans). But I’m a SAHM without a village. Please please please keep Kerri’s point in mind and keep up these wonderful posts that help create a virtual village not wars.
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I need some guidance in regards to toilet training my son. He is about 6 weeks away from 3, and is adamantly against using the toilet or potty.
We have tried reward charts, potty, toilet seat on family toilet, lots of encouragement and praise when showing any sign of interest in the potty. Nothing has worked.
Everything I have read has told me he needs to be ready for it to work, but at the same time I am feeling social pressure as he approaches 3, which seems to be the magic age as far as toilet training is concerned.
When do I seek help, and who would I speak to? Am I worrying over nothing?? My son is s gorgeous little boy who has never struggled to meet any milestones.
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Relax! He’ll get there! wait till summer (or at least spring) and let him go nude when at home (or just in undies and a singlet) – you’ll have some accidents and he’ll quickly work it out. It’s just too hard in winter – don’t stress out over this (boys often don’t get there till 3 1/2, and let’s face it you don’t hear alot of regularly developing 10 year olds who aren’t toilet trained).
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He is normal! If he was 5 I would be getting worried but 3 is definitely not the cut off. My friend’s son was no where near ready by 3 but because all of her friend’s kids were she felt pressure. He got it in his own time.
My theory is this – where they wee and poo is the only thing little kids have control over, everything else in their lives is controlled for them, when they eat, sleep, what they wear etc. Sometimes, kids just want to have control somewhere, and toilet training provides the perfect opportunity to have this control. He will get it, maybe just relax, don’t make such a big deal but keep up gentle encouragement, when it’s time, he will do it and won’t look back.
P.s. I’m no expert, this is just my observation and opinion, easier said than done hey?
Good luck xx
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My son is 3.5 and I’ve just managed to toilet train him. Everything changed when I simply stopped putting nappies on him during the day. Lots of accidents later he is happy wearing jocks. You’ve tried, give it a break an d them give it another go in a few months or so.
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I agree with the others but just wanted to add a little more. My son got the hang of it by standing up. He didn’t like sitting down (might fall in). Once he stood up it all fell into place. All the best.
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Hi there – I completely went through this with my first son – he wasn’t ready for toilet training until he was nearly 4. Meanwhile all the little girls he knew had been completely trained since 2.5! One trick which helped with his toilet resistance was that I bought some special toys that were only allowed to be played with when he sat on the toilet. That way he lost his fear very quickly and now all we have to worry about is his habit of losing concentration and spraying the bathroom! Good luck!
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My friend did something tricky that I thought was amusing (and very much only for boys!) – she used to put froot loops or similar in the toilet for him to have fun ‘shooting’ at! Made me laugh at the time!
I agree with waiting till summer. If nothing else it will mean you only have jocks to wash from his accidents rather than pants etc too!
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My mum did that too for my brother, but she used ping pong balls in the toilet.
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You can get these things called Wee Targets. I bought them online for my son, can’t remember where from but I am sure google will find them. They suction on to the back of the toilet bowl and when the boy wees on the target disc the heat from the wee makes a picture appear.
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It’s Ok. He’ll get there soon. Definitely wait til the weather is warm, then choose a particular day, and from then on, put him in undies for all his wake time at home (trips out will need nappies fora while yet). There will be lots of accidents on the floor, but that will help him recognise the signs of needing to go. Use normal undies, not commercial pull ups (they are too absorbent). Make a star chart and reward with a sticker each time he pees in the toilet/potty.
Also, buy lots of spray and wipe and paper towels! Good luck.
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Wee man was the trick for us! Hang it over the side of the loo, wee standing up, just like Dad! Then tip it in. All these elements combined appealed to him and worked a treat.
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I am a little concerned. My son and I just made a big move to a new area ready for school next year and to be closer to family. He has new daycare and I’m worried all the change is taking it’s toll on him. He’s always been a sociable, cheery little guy who had his grumpy moments now and then. But since the excitement of moving has died down, he’s been swinging between emotional extremes and more violent towards me. One minute he loves the world and the new life we’re creating and me and is happy and loving and generous and sweet. Then every now and then when he doesn’t get his way he turns violent, hitting and kicking and yelling and ‘hating the world’ and hating me and hating our new house. He’s said he doesn’t want to be alive a few times in the last two weeks. But other times he loves life and family and drawing and hanging out with new friends. He’s always been vocal about his feelings, but never quite so angry and nasty.
I don’t know if I should get him some help or if it’s just a stage that will pass. As I said his feelings are at either end of the spectrum, not consistently negative so it’s not clear what to do. Help?
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I would be looking at getting some help. Anytime a kid says they don’t want to be alive is a warning bell. It’s just possibly that your son’s world has been turned upside down and he feels he has no control, but it could be deeper than that. Some counseling won’t hurt.
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Thanks for replying. I’m going to at least get a referral to speak to a child psychologist and see if there’s anything else I can do to make it better for him. I’ve been trying to talk to him about all the wonderful things we have in this new life and the great person he is, giving examples of each. But the bad behaviour and troubling comments he’s making just seem to be getting worse. Time to nip this in the bud. It breaks my heart to think about what he’s going through and how he feels about himself at such a young age.
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Hi Maz,
I’m not a mum, but I did do this as a kid (I’m 29 now).
When I was 5, we moved from Perth (where all our family was) to Adelaide (my dad got a new job there, we knew no one). I was very close to my grandparents, aunts and uncles. I was generally a happy kid, but when we moved, I did the same flip of the switch that it sounds like your son is doing. In hindsight Mum thinks I was actually grieving – but as a 6 year old, how do you express that?! I didn’t know what was happening to me so lashed out and became very sad and upset and cranky and mean toward my brothers and withdrawn all the time. Mum finally cottoned on to what was going on with me – then finally sat me down and let me cry it out and be sad about it – I just missed MY HOME! Eventually we moved back. Then when I was 10 my folks divorced and we moved to Melbourne – same thing happened again. I think as a kid I just didn’t know how to process all of those emotions. When you think about it, they’re hard things to deal with as a youngster.
Not sure if this helps.. good luck, follow your gut on it though xx
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Thanks for your input, it’s a bit of a weight off to know other kids find it difficult to cope with too. It’s stressful for a grown up, let alone a child who doesn’t have the knowledge to process it as well. He’s expressing that he misses the old place and daycare, but I have to tell him that while it was wonderful, we have a new life to learn about now which is just as wonderful. Except now we’re closer to family and have a great new school to go to next year. I’m going to see how it goes with a counsellor/child psychologist because I hate to see him like this (such a different child than he was before) and it breaks my heart to know he’s this upset about it all. I just want to do whatever I can to make the transition easier, as any parent would.
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Hmm… I don’t know if it’s such a major issue. My son, when cranky, says, “I hate this world!” and “I don’t want to be alive!” and such caper. I think it’s just him being dramatic and expressing the way he is feeling without having a particularly broad vocabulary or terms to do so (he’s six.) I think if you were worried he was depressed, and his behaviour was particularly disturbing across the board, you might have something to worry about… But as you said, he’s a happy little guy, who has recently been through some major changes. I’m not saying don’t look into some professional help, but I’m saying don’t worry yourself too much. Think about the things you say in frustration… Do you usually always mean them literally? I would think the words he is using are not a massive concern – the hitting and kicking probably needs to stop, though.
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I can understand and totally relate to the idea of wondering how your kid is going developmentally. However, I have a friend who’s first child has severe disabilities and in the context of what’s “normal” for her, it would be any child that has the ability to live independently. Why are we constantly comparing, trying to be normal rather than embracing the differences we have as individuals. Go see your local health nurse for a check up rather than openly talking about “normal” when there are many people in the community who see such words in a completely different light
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Thankyou for sharing your view, I completely agree with you. I thought about this a lot since having my child, in terms of comparing and assessing how he is developing compared to his peers. Its unfortunate that the community intimacy of raising children has weakened. I think that speaking to a friend or family compares nothing to an online forum, however an online forum is an important tool for many and its capacity to facilitate not to be diminished.
on a personal level I feel quite isolated as a mother of one with no familiy (extended) in Australia. However when I go back to Italy I realise that we are so hung up on small issues here with regard to childrens’ developmental milestones. I understand that there are bonafide concerns but on the whole, sometimes it all seems a bit neurotic. I hope not to have offended anyone with this commentary. xx
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It’s funny that you should say that about Italy. Here we often have trouble providing services to aboriginal clients. The reason is that in my experience children are what are and don’t need to be fixed!
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I meant to say that the aboriginal community seems very accepting of children with disabilities and don’t necessarily see the need to rush in and try and change the child.
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Thanks Faybian, Anon and Elle. All of this advice has been great. I will wait until 7 and then seek professional advice. In the meantime will try no pull ups.
Grabrielle – don’t understand your comment on not having girl friends? I have heaps of them but also value the advice that forums like Mumamia provide. Some topics you appreciate a few more opinions on.
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Seriously, if a child is wetting the bed at 7 you need to see a doctor. I know people on here mean well but you don’t know the full story about anyone’s situation, just a snippet on a blog. There are plenty of professional people out there who can give you proper advice. Everyone has access to maternal and child health nurse or a gp. I would suggest they start there rather than asking random strangers.
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I’ve actually given her professional advice. I get your point about random strangers on the internet, but I’m sure I’m not the only health care professional on this site.
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Faybian, i know that you have said that you are a midwife, and you probably are. But really, we don’t really know you or your qualifications and you don’t know all the details of her situation. Anyone can claim to be anything they want here, that’s why I think we need to be very cautious about taking advise from here about something as serious as a child’s development.
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Agreed, but you’ll note I said go to the GP just as you have. I just expanded on yours.
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Having trouble editing again.
Lots of good advice on the govt. health websites. My favourite is the SA govt child and youth health website. It’s got loads of info on child development, as a first port of call.
I would also hope my people are smart enough to actually follow through if they are concerned.
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I would also hope that people don’t just rely on Internet advice from strangers, or for that matter well meaning advice from family and friends who also may not be qualified to comment on something like bed wetting at he age of 7.
A friend of mine consulted a top Melbourne urologist about her child’s bed wetting when he was in prep and it turned out to be a neurological condition affecting smooth muscle control which was fixed with medication. Leaving it until her son was 7 would jut have prolonged the condition unnecessarily.
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Your friends case would be very unusual and in the absence of any other symptoms, she would probably have been advised to wait. There would probably have been other symptoms. Children don’t commonly get referred to a urologist for bed wetting alone. Early intervention is well known to be most effective, but there must be a reason for it.
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I am also giving her professional advice. Yes, I could be making it up but I’m not. I worked in early intervention specifically for 15 years and worked as part of a multidisciplinary team comprising of educators, speech paths, physio’s and occupational therapists as well as a paediatric psychologist. We also met regularly with paediatricians. I case managed many families, advocated for them when necessary and attended medical appointments with them if required.
It is obvious to me that those people have commented that they are allied health professionals in this thread are being truthful as what they are saying makes sense. The few people who have told of their experiences with early intervention ring true to me as well.
Your basic point about being wary of advice from strangers is valid however, and that is why most of us have recommended seeing the appropriate professional. I have certainly said do this sooner rather than later.
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Bedwetting can often be hereditary. I did it into my teens, and my older children – now 14 & 13 looked to be going the same way. We got help through the GP who referred us to the bedwetting clinic at the Royal Childrens Hospital. They say that although unusual, its not until age 9 that there is a problem that can be effectively dealt with. There are treatments, and I can say they worked for us.
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In thinking you don’t have a lot of girl friends
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My son is six and still wears nappies at night. I have been told this is normal. What age should I begin to worry and seek some help?
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Is it because he still wets the bed at night? My five year old daughter no longer wears nappies at night, but sleeps on brolly sheets because she wets the bed at times – we take her to the toilet before we sleep at night which helps a little. The Dr says that kids will grow out of the bed wetting stage and that it is not unusual for some children to still wet the bed at 10. However, if you are concerned and want to try to do something, you can talk to your GP about a bedwetting alarm. Or, if it is just a wee or two in the middle of the night, I recommend stopping the nappies and getting a couple of brolly sheets. G went from a soaked nappy to once a night bed wetting when I did this – almost like a psychological thing – was ok to wet if she had a nappy on, but not so much if she didn’t! The most important thing is do what is most comfortable for you and your child!
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Thanks Sunny & Anon. He wears pull ups and only wets at night. Has been fully dry in daytime since 2 1/2. We have tried a couple of times removing pullups and putting a protector mat down for a week. The problem is he still wets the bed and doesn’t wake at all. I am worried he will get cold lying in a wet bed.
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One of mine was wet at night until 8. Daytime training and control was normal and we had tried all those strategies. Just had to accept that it was neurological yet normal and he did indeed grow out of it. In my day we didn’t have pull ups or large nappies and sleepovers were tricky but we got there in the end.
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My son was dry during the day from about 2 but had a full nappy at night. When he was 3 and 3 months I decided I’d had enough. It took me THREE weeks to have him stop wetting the bed. He wet it most nights. Thoroughly. Sometimes the doona and pillow were wet too. But I persisted. He is now 5 and 3 months, has been dry at night two years. I think a week isn’t long enough to train some kids. OUr daughter was easier in this respect, was dry at night by age 3 all on her own, asked me to take the nappy away… Good luck!
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My son stopped at 7.We finally went cold turkey on the night time pullups when he went for 3 whole weeks dry.
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My first son was in Dri-Nites until 7 and 3/4s and my second son is still in them at almost 7 and a half. My friend’s son needed them until almost 10, despite medication, mattress alarms etc.
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You wait til they’re 7 before you do anything about it. First off, you take them to the GP for assessment and a mid stream urine specimen (fun getting that) to make sure they don’t have an infection. Then you can go to a continence advisor, public or private. You can also buy or hire a bell and pad set up. You put it on the mattress over the sheets and it rings loudly if the child even starts to wet. You don’t have to go this route, but it is an option.
I agree with others here. Take the nappies/pull ups off first. Give him a chance to feel what wetness is like. Don’t restrict water intake late in the afternoon. He needs to learn how to wake up to full bladder signals. Also, don’t get him out of bed to wee just before you go to bed yourself. Again, he has to learn to wake up to full bladder signals. This circumvents this.
You can get plastic terry covered mattress covers to keep the mattress clean too.
Most kids do grow out of it. I’d know I had 2 of them (6 and 10 years) and boys do tend to be slower with their toilet training than girls, but if all else fails, it can be symptomatically treated with a spray called Minirin for sleep overs and camps etc. I actually loathe pull ups because they do nothing to help children and their toileting, only the parents.
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Thanks Faybian, Anon and Elle. All of this advice has been great. I will wait until 7 and then seek professional advice. In the meantime will try no pull ups.
Grabrielle – don’t understand your comment on not having girl friends? I have heaps of them but also value the advice that forums like Mumamia provide. Some topics you appreciate a few more opinions on.
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Hi, please see the reply I left for Faybian. I agree with her and the other commentors pretty much but not about removing the pull ups. I believe it achieves nothing and causes unhappiness to you and your child.
Also your child is already toilet trained, feeling wet is not the issue here. The correct term for this problem is Nocturnal Enuresis.
There is no risk of any long term effects from this annoying disorder so long as the child is not teased or made to feel shame in any way. It is not their fault. Patience is all that is required for the time being. Good luck.
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And walk him from his bed to the toilet and back 5 times just before going to sleep-really-this was what we taught when I did the “bed wetting nurse” job!
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Have to disagree about taking off the pull ups in this case, Faybian. You don’t want the child waking after they have wet. You want the child to wake up before they do it.
Having a wet bed to deal with helps no one. It causes embarrassment and frustration to the child. This is the biggest problem with primary nightime enuresis. These children cannot help it and it is a neurological developmental delay. They are not getting the signals that their bladder is full.
It is true that prolonged use of nappies on children with disabilities can interfere with toilet training but this is not the case in nightime enuresis.
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I do get your point daisy, but how well do you think an alarm pad will work if the child has a pull up on?
That’s why I said you need to see your GP first and that this CAN be used to help.
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I get yours too. I guess am of the view that you don’t need to worry about any of that for this problem if that is what it is.
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I am a health professional, and if you are concerned about your son I would visit your GP in person. It is best to get an assessment there.
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Probably not at all helpful, but I wet the bed until I was 6. I remember my mum’s friend was over one night and she said “if you keep wetting the bed the penguins will come up from the beach and steal your bed”. I never wet the bed again, and no long term psychological damage I don’t think – but it was a bit mean!!!!
Spose I’m getting at that there is likely a psychological element even if the child is asleep, so the no pull-ups idea makes sense. Every child is different though…
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Stressing me OUT! 6 day old baby won’t feed for longer than five maybe ten mins at a time, will only take one side. Super super sleepy, have to keep him awake constantly and wake for all feeds. Lactation consultant stressing me out that he’s not getting enough hind milk. Lots of wet nappies and poops.
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My bub was the same. I was told to take his socks off and keep a wipe or wet face cloth nearby. If he started to drift off to sleep a cold wipe on his foot woke him up pretty quick. Good luck!
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Yep, I had this too…. so frustrating!
I received heaps of advise – including trying to keep buba awake while feeding by undressing him so he was colder, tickling his feet, feeding him in bright light.
I did all of it, not sure how much it worked at the time…..
But after a couple of weeks it was better and he’d feed longer and go for longer periods between feeds.
I’d say you’re at the worst of it now.
Just keep with it for another week – I know it seems like so long!
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It is totally fine! I had a 10 and a half pound baby who only ever needed 5 minutes a side and put on a pound a week.
The next 3 were the same. I had plenty of milk and it doesn’t take long to drink it! i always feel sorry for the many women who are stuck with a baby on the breast who don’t have enough milk, or a baby who fiddles around.
Your baby is probably falling asleep because he or she is full!
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I had 3 very sleepy newborns. Have people been commenting on his ‘tan’? We all thought we had newborns with amazing golden skin. No, they had jaundice. If so take him to his pediatrician to have his levels checked. For me it meant flushing them with lots of fluids and supplementing with formula as well as a few days back in hospital for phototherapy. But they got better really quickly. Good luck.
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If there’s lots of wet nappies then baby is clearly ok, don’t worry too much about it, I say. Maybe he/she’s a fast drinker!
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And a quick learner! I agree, if there’s plenty of wet nappies, it must be getting through, if he was often dry you’d know then it wasn’t.
Had similar issues with the first (why is it always the first, when you’re so unsure?!) and we got there in the end.
Good luck. You’re doing a marvellous job.
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First question I would ask is – is your lactation consultant International Board Certified? If they are not, could you get a second opinion/advice line from the ABA?
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Yeap, my 2 month old was exactly the same. My son had jaundice though, but had all the tests to confirm it was only mild and didn’t need lights. I would change my son’s nappy in between breasts and it would wake him up somtimes, not all the time. Now that he is 2 months old, he is finally feeding from the second breast, but only for 5-10 mins as well. My son is growing gangbusters, and by the sounds of it so it yours so don’t stress! It’s good to have a quick eater in my opinion.
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All four of my babies were the same. Five minutes. Done. Right up ’til when they were weaned. With the first one, I tried all the tricks for keeping him awake and on the job. But it was just frustrating for both of us. By the last one, I had managed to accept that five-minute feeds were normal for me. If your baby is drinking well during those five minutes, sleeping, weeing and pooing, and generally well, I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
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I think if you have lots of wet nappies and poohs “don’t worry” – in the book Baby Love she talks about hindmilk/foremilk thing as having got out of control – and really the thing is to look at the feeds over a 24 hour period. if your bub is putting on weight and generally pretty content … mine never fed for more than 10 mins at a time and he’s in the 95th percentile for height and weight. hugs x
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If he’s feeding 8-12 times a day only and settling between feeds, then he’s getting enough hind milk, oh and not poohing frothy green poos (which can indicate too much sugar).
Everyone’s milk transfer rate is different.
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First of all, congratulations on your new bundle Seahorse! I think it’s fine too. I tried everything in the book to keep my sleepy newborns awake and all of it worked…but only some of the time! It’s still really early days for both of you in the breasfeeding journey and I found it took about a month to settle into a comfy feeding zone. Good luck. x
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Forget hind/fore milk…I think too much importance is placed on this. Wet/dirty nappies, settling well/sleeping well, and weight gain. I used to use a cool washer, or tickle bubs feet, but most babies will take what they need – provided they don’t have other issues. Take bub to get weighed once a week for the next couple of weeks, provided he/she is gaining, breath a sign of relief. You are doing an awesome job x
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My baby girl did this too, she would just keep falling asleep after a few minutes. She was only little and I think she was a full quickly A couple of weeks after she was born she woke up and just thrived, but I did feel like she was constantly snacking and napping.
In regards to feeding on one side, my son did this and would only sleep with his head on one side too. (He still has a flat head on one side). It could be a good idea to check he doesn’t have a torticollis of the neck (which my son had.) This would make it uncomfortable for him to feed on the other side.
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When it comes to your own child, I say go with your gut feel.
If you feel that something is ‘not quite right’ go straight to a GP.
I always suspected that something was ‘not quite right’ with my son from about 18 months old. Close friends, Mum, MIL, sisters would say ‘nah, there’s nothing wrong with him’. I was thinking Asperger’s or mild autism, but they were all ‘don’t be stupid, he’s fine’.
Yet, as he got older things were becoming more niggly, certain behaviours, quirks, etc. When he moved school at 6 (bullying issues) he went into meltdown mode – he just couldn’t cope. It was then we took him to a child pyschologist and he was diagnosed with Asperger’s on his 7th birthday. He scored quite highly too. We got a second diagnosis to qualify for Autism SA – same thing.
We not only lost out on 5 years of early intervention time but also the significant Early Intervention package from the Australian government to assist him – it’s worth $12,000, but you have use it before the child turns 7 years old.
So, now I just say if you are concerned, go to a professional to discuss your issue, not friends or family. They really have no idea what you go through 24/7.
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Our almost three year old son hits, pushes and pulls the hair of other children constantly. Occaisionally bites too. Generally, his older brother is the victim but other kids have fallen foul of him too. I’m very nervous and cautious about taking him to the park and feel embarrassed by his behaviour and can’t identify the trigger. Often his agression seems to come out of the blue.
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Does he go to full time day care ? Could be the problem… He is letting out his frustration… Just a thought.
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Hi Anon, he’s in daycare one day a week. You are right, I am sure he’s venting some frustration, we just can’t get the message across that it isn’t OK to hit. I have spoken to the daycare staff and they seem convinced he’ll grow out of it and are not terribly concerned and say I shouldn’t be either…but it’s hard not to be with a kid who carries on like a Tassie Devil! Lucky he looks cute…
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Hi. Have you had his hearing checked at all? I just mention this because I recently read an article about a little boy who displayed similar tendencies. Eventually it was discovered that he was suffering from mild hearing problems which were leading to frustration. Of course it could also just be a phase he is going through…it’s so hard to tell sometimes. This parenting lark is tricky isn’t it!!
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There was a little girl at my playgroup who was a biter. She would bite any other child in sight, mostly babies.
Her parents tried everything possible to stop her and were terribly upset by it because they actually considered banning her from playgroup over it. In the end she eventually just stopped. Maybe its a maturity thing.
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What do you do when he does this to others?
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How is his hearing? Sometimes kids who have hearing problems get very frustrated and they lash out. I have seen this many times.
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Language difficulties (understanding others an/or expressing themselves) can also be a cause of some acting out
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Maybe this will improve as he develops more language, then he can express himself more. While it is happening do your best to discipline him and tell him it is not cool to do that. I have a three year old and he does this sometimes, it is horrifying, I kmow how you feel.
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My daughter does continuous fanny farts in public and laughs. How do I tell her this in inappropriate. She is 12.
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Quite simply tell her its not acceptable.
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She is old enough to understand what unacceptable behaviour is. You need to sit down with her and tell her how serious the issue is. Also how the heck do you even do that?!
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I just wanted to say I am a little bit concerned about this article- I am an allied health professional who works with prechool aged children- too many times i see well meaning friends and family say ‘he’ll grow out of it’ and the later you leave intervention for true problems, the harder it can be to treat/resolve.
If you have any concerns at all about your child and their development, please please speak to a CHILD HEALTH PROFESSIONAL.
Mamamia I think this needs to be added to this article- suggesting who parents can talk to:
1) child health nurse
2) GP or paediatrician
3) speech pathologist, dentist, teacher etc
Otherwise we’ll have people ‘reassured’ via a website and not seeking assistance until it’s too late.
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… Child psychologist. So many parents I see have been reassured by their GP about things which are serious if left but very treatable in young children. Aggression and anxiety come to mind.
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Can you see a child psychologist directly and bypass a referral from a GP then?
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Yes, because they are not specialist doctors like psychiatrists. You can ask about them at community health or got to a private one.
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I was just going to write something similar! I worked in early intervention for years. So many children miss out or are very late getting help because well meaning family members have reassured them incorrectly.
I also would like to say that often a GP will not notice things because they don’t see enough of certain conditions to recognise the signs. The other thing is that many children don’t speak when they are with people they don’t know well so GP’s are used to children not saying much. If a child comes in not talking, the GP may not realise that the child is not just shy.
There are many behaviours that appear innocuous but that ring giant bells for workers in this field.
If you are concerned, follow it up. It is better to be cautious for peace of mind and if there is a problem, often simple startegies early on can make a huge difference to a child’s development and later success.
A speech pathologist or a paediatric developmental psychologist are good options.
I cannot stress enough, the importance of getting help early on.
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like button disappeared but I like all the above comments x 100.
Just because someone on the internet says that`s normal or they grow out of it, doesn`t make it so.
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I agree completely about what you have said about GPs. I’m a speech path, and I’ve had so many mums come to me saying their GP said not to bother, but they did anyway, and it turns out their child has a significant speech or language delay or disorder. I’ve also sent plenty of parents to their GP and most often paediatrician to check out some specific difficulties I’ve noticed (like significant gross motor difficulties and unusual behaviours) for them to be told they are normal. Then, on second opinion they eventually have been diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy or Autism Spectrum Disorders.
There are a lot of amazing GPs and paediatricians out there. Still, it’s important to remember that they are all still human and can’t possibly be specialists in every single health related field. And they only get a small and infrequent window of time to see your child.
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I agree. Even paediatricians only see your child for an hour and have to rely on what they can glean. If a parent goes reluctantly because they have been sent it can backfire too, as I am sure you know, as they don’t always agree that there is a concern and don’t always answer questions the way we would.Often of course, it works out well.
It is good for parents to go to an appointment with as much info as possible. Even a video!
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Something about your comment resonates with me. Even if a parent ISN’T going reluctantly the result can still be something that doesn’t sound right! I had concerns with one of mine from a very young age. The child has had early intervention, seen a long list of professionals along the way (OT, speechy, paed, neuro, psych, etc etc) and still doesn’t have any particular big dianosis – just a laundry list of smaller ones (hypotonia, sensory processing disorder etc).
I know I sound like some kind of munchausen (probably spelt wrong) parent, but I’m not – I’m just a concerned mum that over and over sees the differences between my child and others, but sees this child constantly slip through the cracks of the system (apart from what I have fought for my child at each step to get) because there is not ‘enough’ of a disability. Even now I don’t think we are finished and I am wondering at what point I start the gravy chain again of looking into it further because even though my child is older than when we first started my child still isn’t ‘typical’ and has basically been told that it is nobody’s job to help anymore. This child is now, from the sounds of it, too old!
Sorry, I had a conversation with the local child health OT yesterday that has me feeling a bit ‘rant’y. My child continues to need help but apparently everyone has washed their hands of them and it is left (yet again) up to me to try and work out what is going on, and what I need to do for them! I don’t mean to scare anyone who is about to start down this road. I have friends who have had a very different experience. I know that in terms of our every day life this is a pretty good position to be in, because if my child was impacted so severely that we went to a professional who said ‘no doubt about it, your child has X’ that our day to day lives would be a lot more difficult. On the edge isn’t a bad place to be. I just always wonder though if I am doing the best I can for my child and getting them everything they need. THAT is a confusing, and often heartbreaking, place to be in! Sometimes I just really wish there was an easy answer – a blood test that gave a definitive answer, and a treatment that would really help this child to be the best little person they can be. The child is already a wonderful, happy little person that we love and adore. I just want to make life easier for them when I can’t be there (school etc)!
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I really feel for you and know what you are saying. I have known children like this too and have thought how frustrating it must be to go to EI etc and see children with Down Syndrome or ASD and wish you had someone else like you to share with, get answers and see the future! You don’t sound over the top at all to me. What you do sound like is a loving mother who wants to help her child and will do whatever she can to smooth the path. Many mothers on hear will totally get what you are saying.
Your child is happy. Sounds like you are getting it right and you are certainly doing your best and that is all you can do. Good luck.
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Thanks. I agree totally.
We do actually know what we’re doing, it’s our job and we’d love to see you.
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Hi, I just wanted to get opinions from all the mums out there .. what age did you get your baby to give up their bottle?
I was told by the nurses that 12 months is the age they recommend. My daughter is now 18 months and the only one she is having is in the evenings after her bath before bed.
She doesn’t have a dummy or a comforter and she really does get so much comfort out of this bottle part of me feels just to let her keep having it until she moves into her big girl bed when that day comes.
Would appreciate any thoughts/advice of other mums that have faced this dilemma? Thanks
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We did the same and stopped not long after 18months and switched to a cup instead. Maybe try and replace with a new comforting, sleep cue such as stories in the cot or a song? The longer you leave it the harder it will be to give up and then there will be new challenges eg toilet training, tantrums, getting her to stay in her big girl bed etc.
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Had the same problem – at 15 -16 months he was still really comforted by the bottle. (Yes I know breast is best but for some people it’s not an option) I switched the bottle to cooled boiled water and gave him milk (formula) only from a cup. He only protested for 1 day. He still got the bottle – and the milk – without the teeth problems.
PS – I got this advice from a child health nurse otherwise I don’t think I’d pass it on.
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I breastfed, so probably can’t really comment, but will give you my two cents anyway. I stopped the evening feed at 13 months, it was only feed she was still having, and I felt like there wasn’t much in it, so one night I just didn’t do it, but did everything else the same way as normal. She didn’t mind at all.
It might be a more difficult habit to break the older the child gets.
My girls best friend is still having her bottle at 2.5 yrs, and I see nothing wrong with that. My only concern could be not brushing their teeth after the milk, the sugar in the milk can wreck havoc to their little teeth, but if she loves it, then why change it? Are you having any particular concerns?
It’s all about creating a calm, loving and relaxed atmosphere at night time, so as suggested above, perhaps just replace with other ‘special treats’
Good luck
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Well… my now 4 year-old finally gave his up just before his 4th birthday. He LOVED it. Had one on waking, couple of the middle of the day to ‘wind down’ and occasionally would ask for one overnight. We just went with it. They were about 90% water with a splash of milk. My 2 1/2 year old is still loving his. Teeth were fine. Both busy and eat well. My oldest especially just really really loved it and found it so soothing… and I was loathe to remove that source of comfort from him.
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My oldest turned four in June this year and only gave up his bottle of milk at night at Easter. We left his bottle out for the Easter Bunny, who wisely replaced it with a cool Lightning McQueen mug containing a chocolate egg. He only asked once for his bottle – we told him if he wanted his bottle back, he would have to return all the chocolate to the Easter Bunny. He never asked for his bottle again
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Twin mum, it’s not suspected dental decay. I used to work in theatre at the local hospital, doing the dental lists (as they call them). A whole day was set aside for paediatric dentristry, with numerous fillings and extractions for most kids. You could always surmise what had caused the holes by the patterns of decay.
Also, if you give a baby toddler milk in bed, it increases their risk of ear infections, due to pooled milk travelling up the eustachian tube from the back of the throat to the middle ear. Sorry to be such a killjoy.
Put my comment in the wrong place too.
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My parents did a similar thing with me and my dummy; we left it out for the ‘Dummy Fairy’ and got toys in return!
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My boys moved on from their just before bed bottle at about 20 months. They moved to straw cups for that milk drink at that point. This transition lead to them no longer waking up over night – which they had been doing.
Some mch nurses and dentists get concerned about prolonged bottle use bc of the suspected impact it has on teeth & decay. If you’re worried, add a different comfort such as a song/book/special toy, or play up the comforts of the milk rather than the bottle.
Whatever works for you
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My 4 yo daughter was stung by a bee a few months back and now she is absolutely terrified of bees and flies! Every time we go outside she asks if there are bees, not such a problem in winter but in summer when there are actually bees around I’m not sure what I will do. I’ve tried explaining that bees only bother you if you bother them and that flies do nothing at all really, but it doesn’t seem to make any difference. Any irrational fear she has raised I have had no problem dealing with, but this is a completely rational fear and I’m completely stumped!
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Give her a fly swatter?
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Maybe you could make her a little (fun) book about bees – a bit of a story to get her used to them and knowing why they sting
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From a psychological perspective, avoidance will strengthen and intensify fears. So, as best you can, help her to feel safe outdoors, without encouraging any avoidant behaviours (ie. “I can’t sit there, there might be bees”). The more she is around bees without the sting, the quicker the fears will subside. Not easy though, bees are scary (hate them myself!)…
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Thanks, maybe the combo of a book (anyone know any?) and the gentle, encouraging, non – avoidant approach. The last thing I want to do is reinforce this fear, I don’t want her to miss out on awesome outdoor stuff
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What about the ‘Bee Movie’? The one with Jerry Seinfeld as the main characters voice. Just another suggestion – it has been a long time since I saw that one so you might want to check it out before putting your child in front of it. It might show her that the bees don’t want to sting her, and that they are actually possibly nice little people-type-insects!
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Can I just say how much I am loving the supportive, non-judgy replies?! It’s like a mini online “village”
My 8 month old has started doing this weird back arching thing….usually in the stroller or highchair, about five or six times in a row close together…then stops…then does it again…it is strange, kind of like watching a cat vomit…is this normal?!
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Is it voluntary or something he can’t control?
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Not really sure…it isn’t really “jerky” as in uncontrolled…does it a few times a week :/
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Sorry, it probably is quite normal but it is hard to know from here, especially if it only happens in that place. Depends on whether it is voluntary or asign of being excited or a routine. If you are worried, get him checked out.
Good luck. I
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Can you distract them from it when they are doing it? This is a good way to know if it is voluntary or not. When they are next doing it, after the first one or two try suddenly being super interesting (singing loudly, doing something ‘amazing’ with a toy etc). You need to make sure you have their attention. If they DO stop then it is voluntary. If they absolutely must do it, then it might not be voluntary and worth further investigation. When I was looking into something strange that one of my children was doing (and we were trying to figure out if it was some kind of seizure or a tic, or just something they were doing related to their sensory processing disorder) this is what the neuro suggested. My child was a lot older, but the crux of the advice was whether the child had the ability to stop in the middle of the movement, or whether they just couldn’t.
Do they do it in the pram as well? Little ones start to behave like that sometimes just because they are trying to ‘break free’ of their seatbelts etc. Mine certainly did! It could just be a voluntary thing that they are doing because they are starting to become more mobile and just don’t want to sit in their chair anymore!
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Could be play, could be stretching, could be small ceasures, noone can tell you from here. Ask a pro? you never know.
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KDot did that at that age. Not sure what it meant, but she hasn’t done it for ages. I think it was fun or something.
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I’d get that checked out. It’s probably just stretching but could be more serious
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They may well just be doing it for fun or to reposition, but it sounds similar to something little ones do when they have a bit of reflux. It may be worth checking out with your GP if it continues. Another sign of reflux is sour or bad smelling breath, which is not normal in bubs.
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Im not a mum but my brother was really weird about sitting up when he was a baby and when he finally started to he always did really strange movementss. It turns out to be somethng wrong with a tendon in his groin? he now has a hernia because of it
just keep an eye on it and if it doesnt cease ask a gp. good luck!
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Anyone have a child that gets angry too easily? My son loses it way to easily( family trait- I used to be a hot head as a child and my dad also loses it easily) so if he is building a tower out of blocks and can’t get the last one on he will chuck a wobbly or if he is trying to hit a ball and misses he loses his temper.
It is very annoying and it worries me as life is full of things we don’t get right all the time.
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YES! I can relate, AmandaRose. My 5 year old son has trouble coping when things don’t go his way. I feel like I’m walking on egg shells, especially in public, wondering what will set him off. I think we might have to seek professional help.
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Hi. My little boy will be three in September. He loves sucking his thumb. Does it when he’s tired, going to sleep, hungry, bored, in the car, even stops midway through play to have a suck on his thumb. Drives us nuts. And he is also a dribbler. We have to remind him to suck in his spit otherwise it just trickles out his mouth and down his chin. If he’s sucking his thumb then he doesn’t dribble and I think the dribbling is a result of the constant thumb sucking. I think the “normal” subconscious swallowing action is missing or he hasnt developed it properly because he swallows when his thumb is in. Help! He’s always got a wet face and dribbled everywhere. I don’t even know where to go for help! He is speaking well for his age and has good pronunciation. Any advice would be appreciated. Jennifleur.
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Hi, my kids are both thumb suckers, but not really dribblers and I was the same. I’m not really concerned with them. But you may find this helpful, as a teenager I needed braces to correct the damage thumb sucking did to my teeth as a child, when I got them my dentist told me the way I swallow was incorrect as a result of thumb sucking and it was the wrong swallowing action that damaged my teeth alignment more so than the actual sucking. He sent me to see a speech pathologist to correct my swallow technique and since then all is well.
Perhaps you are on the right track with the swallowing being the issue in which case a speech pathologist may be helpful, they are experts in much more to do with the actions of the mouth than just speech alone.
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Thanks Anonymous, I hadn’t considered a speech pathologist. I’ve already called and booked an appointment!
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My son was a dribbler- he was sent to speech pathology and diagnosed with low muscle tone so he now has heaps of mouth exercises to do. I’d suggest speechies- they are all about mouths.
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Thank you very much for taking the time to respond.
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Go see your GP, they will know the right person to send you to, or even if it is an issue at all. From my experience so far, if you as a parent think there’s a problem there probably is so go talk to your GP – most things with kids they’ve seen before and have a simple solution.
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Thanks Mum. I’ve asked the GP about it, but she wasn’t overly concerned. But I think the habit is getting worse, so will seek more specialist advice.
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Hi Jennifleur, I’m a speech path and it is possible that his saliva management difficulties are related to frequent thumb sucking. When the thumb is in his mouth, the position of the oral structures is different to normal. The lower jaw sits lower and further back and the tongue can also sit further back in the mouth and is less mobile. In some cases, with time, this position can become habitual for children with ongoing thumb or dummy sucking, and as you have suggested, it can impair or change a child’s swallowing development and habits. It may also affect his oral muscle tone. This can lead to an open mouth posture and dribbling. I would suggest a trip to your GP first, for tips to help reduce the thumb sucking. If the dribbling doesn’t reduce, then an oromusculature assessment from a speechie may be worthwhile.
In the mean time, activities like blowing bubbles, blowing whistles, raspberries, using straws to blow tissues and cotton balls across tables may be useful to help build up the muscle tone in and around his lips to help with his lip closure.
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Hi Ellen, thank you very much for your lovely informative reply. My husband and I are going to try some of your suggestions tomorrow – cotton ball races sounds like fun, my son will love it. I’ve already asked the GP for advice and we’ve tried every trick in the book to stop the thumb sucking (is it illegal to restrain him?! lol). I’ve booked an appointment with a speech pathologist for an assessment. Thank you again for taking the time to respond. Much appreciated Jen
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My pleasure
Best of luck to you and your little one!
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When are boys supposed to pee standing up? my son is 3 1/2, and has been toilet trained for about a year – he’s tall enough, he’s seen the demonstration, he’s been encourgaed with sticker charts (which have worked for everything else) – but he just does not want to pee standing up (which is fine). Are we suggesting he does this too soon??? Please Help, what is a normal age? All my friends and family have girl children.
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From my experience peer pressure at kindy or school will sort it out.
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try putting a picture of his favourite character / toy bullseye in the bottom of the toilet so he can see it when he pees (if he stands up) … or put a bullseye there and he gets a prize every time he hits it
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Does it matter if a boy wants to wee sitting down?
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Not sure if this makes it any better, but I *make* my boy (who is 3.5) sit down if he’s inside (he’ll wee standing up if he’s playing outside – nothing I say seems to stop this). Otherwise it’s everywhere! He has the worst aim and I’m sick of the toilet smelling like boy-wee. I’m sure time will sort these things out!
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put a ping pong ball in the toilet! this way its a fun game, it also teaches aim
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Thanks everyone for the advice (and knowledge) – I’m not worried about it – buts it’s good to know that it’s…. normal
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As a further comment to yesterdays post – maybe he prefers to sit down and hey, this is no big deal because as soon as he gets to school he will work it out. If it is something worrying you why not get his Dad or another male to show him how to do a “bush wee” ie, weeing in the garden. Boys seem to love weeing outdoors and this we the way we potty trained.
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He can move to Germany – most men pee sitting down there
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I have been going through this since my son was three with him not saying the right amount of words for his age which resulted in some speech therapy and time to see if he would catch up .Friends , family would say hes fine nothing to worry about. Had some alarm bells but really no strong instinct anything major was wrong.As time progressed social skills became a issue at kinder and being an only child thought maybe that was the problem off to the peadetrician ,maternal health nurse etc give him more time another year of kinder and early intervention really starting to worry but with extra time he has come along in leaps and bounds and will be ready for school next year although he has quirks which some call autistic traits early intervention was the best even though i had a hard time excepting what i was hearing and it was very upsetting having your child watched and their every move dissected because they are a bit different but not quite enough for gov help.
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Wow, our story is so similar to yours. Speech delay, gradual emergence of some social difficulty – but never enough to get us to the paed before our child turned 3. And then we had a really difficult time with early intervention as our child was having some difficulties with speech/social skills but was really high-functioning, cheerful and able-bodied. We were told about the Autism spectrum but the diagnosis wasn’t particularly helpful. I felt as though we didn’t fit in anywhere as the disability/delay was not severe enough for us to fit into a high needs category and yet my child wasn’t fitting into the ‘normal’ spectrum. It is great to hear some good news stories about children benefiting from intervention – it feels like a long and painful but necessary path.
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Yes we are feeling more positive now but for about a year we did not know what the hell was happening. Our case worker at early intervention has told us that children like our son can learn to manage these traits as they get older and function quite well but i still feel uneasy about school.
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My son also has speech delays too. But I think it is really so common in boys I think it isn’t to much to worry about. it does make it hard for them though- getting cranky because they can’t communicate well and in my son’s case the Glue Ear made things worse as her hearing was impaired also.
I doo the speech therapy etc but I refuse to get in a flap about it.
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I’d keep on with speech therapy and anything else you can think of because delayed speech may hinder reading. From experience I can tell you that if your child is behind in reading and doesn’t get the support he needs it is very very hard to make up for lost time. My son started high school this year and is about 18 months to 2 years behind in his reading and it is really hard trying to keep up with homework and assignments. He changed schools from public to private in year 5 but it really wasn’t enough time to catch up.
It’s really hard but keep at it. Your son is only little so you can really help him before he gets to school. Make sure the teachers know how important your concerns are and make regular meetings with them to check on his progress.
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I’m glad to hear that your son has progressed well through your diligent parenting. On a more selfish note your comments have made me really worried about my son, he is 21 months old and only communicating a few words. People around me are saying its a boy thing and I didn’t want to be a neurotic Eastern suburbs (Sydney) mum and seek professional advice.
By what I’m reading here it might be worth it.
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Regarding my son’s reading I was constantly told by the school teachers and other parents “Don’t worry, it will come, boy’s take longer than girls to learn to read….” I wish I had been more neurotic and got him some help earlier….eventually we left the school.
Don’t worry what people think of you, Lisa. Just go out there and keep asking questions until you’re satisfied. What can it hurt??
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It’s better to appear neurotic now, than be kicking yourself in a few years because you didn’t check it out.
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I would urge you see a speech pathologist. Whatever the outcome of the assessment, it’ll be good for both you and your son. If there’s nothing wrong, you’ll have peace of mind. If there is something going on, then early intervention is SO much better than dealing with all the knock on effects of a language delay/disorder as they show up.
(I’m a final semester student speech path).
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many thanks ladies for your feedback.
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Hi Lisa,
I would suggest that the most important thing you could start with is a hearing test. The paed, and the speechy will want to know that his hearing is ok to rule that out first. Call a paed office you trust if you like and ask which hearing centre they would recommend as there are some that are particularly experienced with kids, and this kind of centre will make it all so much easier on you and your little guy.
My child had borderline hearing issues due to fluctuating levels of fluid in their ears. This child not once ever had an ear infection (they were four when they finally had grommets inserted) and never once did I see them even pulling at their ears suggesting pain. Once the grommets were inserted one of the first things I noticed was that they started to say ‘um’! It’s a little thing, but if you think about it, it is the kind of word that would be easily missed if you were learning to speak but couldn’t hear well!
Learning to speak is hard enough without not being able to hear the words clearly (or if they have changing hearing ability like the fluctuating fluid levels that mean that the same words sound different every other day!).
I would not wait to do this – it is such a simple thing that can be easily fixed and make a massive difference if it is the problem. When we had the grommets the ENT said he wasn’t sure how much it would help, but given my childs speech problems, and balance etc we should give it a go, and I can tell you it made a big difference!
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Hi Lisa,
I would suggest that the most important thing you could start with is a hearing test. The paed, and the speechy will want to know that his hearing is ok to rule that out first. Call a paed office you trust if you like and ask which hearing centre they would recommend as there are some that are particularly experienced with kids, and this kind of centre will make it all so much easier on you and your little guy.
My child had borderline hearing issues due to fluctuating levels of fluid in their ears. This child not once ever had an ear infection (they were four when they finally had grommets inserted) and never once did I see them even pulling at their ears suggesting pain. Once the grommets were inserted one of the first things I noticed was that they started to say ‘um’! It’s a little thing, but if you think about it, it is the kind of word that would be easily missed if you were learning to speak but couldn’t hear well!
Learning to speak is hard enough without not being able to hear the words clearly (or if they have changing hearing ability like the fluctuating fluid levels that mean that the same words sound different every other day!).
I would not wait to do this – it is such a simple thing that can be easily fixed and make a massive difference if it is the problem. When we had the grommets the ENT said he wasn’t sure how much it would help, but given my childs speech problems, and balance etc we should give it a go, and I can tell you it made a big difference!
And the other thing is that you may well have a wait to get into the speech path anyway, so this is something you can do in the meantime to make sure the wait is worth it (as you may be better off going to an ENT before starting speech therapy)
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I’m a speech path, and I would definitely recommend at least getting in contact with a local speechie and asking them if they would recommend an assessment. If they do recommend an assessment, it will help them to determine if he requires some intervention, or if his difficulties are mild enough to wait and see if his language develops on it’s own. In the case of the latter, they should also be able to give you some great tips and ideas for supporting his speech and language development.
Don’t be too hard on yourself about being concerned. It is better to conscious of these difficulties than push them to the side, and you should trust your instincts. No one knows your child as well as you do.
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my 3.3 year old girl is driving me nuts!!!!! she’s a screamer. she screams at the top of her lungs about everything, especially if she’s not getting what she wants. I’ve had 3 boys before her, and none of them were as loud or as naughty as she is. Is it a girl thing? Also I have had a hard time getting her potty trained. My boys were all , before they turned 2. , but she has only just started, and only uses it occasionly, ( she does use it at least once a day by herself without me asking ). Do girls take longer to potty train?
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My three year old boy is the same screamer. I got screamed at for eating my lunch yesterday. He usually follows it up with something physical.
No idea on potty training- only have a boy.
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Its not a girl thing. And not a 3yr old thing.
But maybe shes doing it to stand out from the boys. I’ve had success with my goddaughter (who does it with her mum) but not at ours anymore. Whenever the screaming starts we just ignored her and went about our business. If she screamed request for food or toys we got down to her level and in very quiet voices explain ‘we can’t understand you when you talk in that shouty voice’ any further screams met with ‘what? Can’t understand you, use your proper voice.’
Hope this helps.
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My girl, first born was 2.5 before she was ready to be potty trained. Her boy-friend, who was brought up in cloth nappies was 2. He now has a little sister, who sounds like your girl, although she’s only 14 months. Screams for attention, a right little drama queen.
Perhaps the only way your girl can get attention or can control the situation with three big boys around is to scream, and so it has become a learned reaction to getting what she wants?
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With three grown boys 9, 16 and 19, things are very loud to say the least. I’ve sort of thought that she might think that screaming is a way to be heard but She gets more than enough attention. She is a real
drama queen too , like if she hurts herself even the tiniest bit, she will collapse to the ground and roll around. I thought maybe I’ve spoilt her too much, and her brothers love her to death , so she is used to getting pretty much her own way. I know she’ll eventually grow out of it, at least I hope she does.
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You’ve just explained your problem haven’t you!!!!
Maybe she just needs a firmer hand.
Queensland runs the Triple P program. I’m sure other states do something similar. A child health nurse will know where to go. It will help if you all do the same thing…..
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My nearly three daugther was a bugger to toilet train – I used potty boot camp and it was great! previously attepts would result in wee on the floor and very frustrated parents! With Potty Boot Camp she was taking herself to the potty by the end of day one. Good luck!
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Hi , Thankyou for responding , I’m not quite sure what ‘ potty boot camp’ is, as I’ve never heard of it . Is it a video or something , or just me being militant in taking her to the potty?
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with the screaming i would personally tell her that its not a good thing to do and that you are going to ignore her requests when she does it i always told my boys to “stop and use there words”. as for the toilet training all my kids were different you just have to be patient if its not working at the moment have a break for a while then try again there is no point stressing yourself or you daughter out about it she will get it in her own time
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Anyone have any experience with breath holding? My youngest is almost three and is still holding her breath when she hurts herself or gets angry/frustrated. She turns blue, eyes roll back, goes completely limp and will collapse if we don’t catch her, and she goes all stiff and her hands bend at the wrist. She does this 3 to 8+ times a week, depending on circumstances. The GP implied “tough love” and don’t pay it attention, but this isn’t actually possible because of the whole collapsing thing (if she is on the top of a play structure or climbing stairs and collapses…) I have used iron supplements as suggested by GP but it has stopped being effective. We do have a referral to a pediatric neurologist and are awaiting an appointment, but I have never seen other kids do this, so just wondering if others have experienced this…
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My daughter did that too! She always held her breath when she was upset / hurt. I used to have to blow in her face to make her take a breath. She’d go blue and floppy. She even passed out on one occasion. As far as I can remember, she just grew out of it. She’s 7 now, and (mostly) quite normal!!
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My son is/was a breath holder and he always used to finish it off with a nice big vomit as well. He would hold his breath, go blue and floppy I would hold him madly blowing in his face while running towards the nearest non-carpeted area in the house for the on-slaught of vomit. He is almost 4 and only does it occasionally now so I think they do grow out of it. My mum says that I did it as well so it must be karma.
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If you did it as well, it’s not karma, it’s possibly genetic. I have strictly no idea what this is though, how strange, never heard of it before, are you guys certain these aren’t ceasures?
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as a child, a little girl my mother cared for used to do this. was kinda funny as a child witness, but it worried my mother, and her mother. advice was the same, ignore it, as it is attention seeking. i actually don’t know if i think it is, as stress responses are usually a default that has proven to work for us at some point in our early development … my boy used to hold his breath as an infant, much smaller than toddler, very worrying, he would cry until he gasped, until he could gasp no more … blue lips … i would blow on his face also, to remind him to breathe, and he would. he didn’t continue to hold his breath as an older child, but he did meltdown regularly. i think it’s just these kids’ default … an “i can’t take the stress of this being in pain/not getting what i want/not understanding my feelings/being hungry/being anxious anymore” kinda thing, and they “leave the building” … that same child does also pass out in extreme pain circumstances, though, hasn’t since he was 11. I still pass out, and have been doing so my entire life … not as a response to stress … well, sorta, to illness … but maybe there’s a psychobiosocial genetic link there somewhere … who knows … i actually think the fussing over my boy when he freaked out, or passed out, actually helped, as it helped him know i understood and cared about his stress, and in the end has assisted him in emotional self-regulation … and i don’t mean pandering … i mean just comforting, instructing to breathe, fetching warm water to drink, soothing his brow … then he calms down, and asks for thing he wants, and i calmly say “no” again … then he might escalate, but less than before, and off we go again … tiring, but diminishing in drama each time … sigh … my boy does have a trauma history though …
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No kids here but mum tells me I used to do this as a kid all the time. Grew out of it though but scared many times (don’t ask me why I did it!)
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I used to hold my breath until I passed out when I was a child whenever I bumped myself or wasn’t getting my way. My parents just ignored me and I grew out of it.
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LOVE this topic! I would have watched your show Mia!! Is my son ‘normal’? I have a 2.5 year old son who is quite sensitive and very shy. Around us, his grandparents and a few little friends, he is bubbly, talkative, sweet and very funny! However, around people he hasn’t met before he is soooooooo shy, when they look at him in the eye, he will shut his eyes and not respond to them at all. I enourage him to be more talkative around strangers and never ever make it too much of an issue, but I worry about this becoming worse. Will he grow out of this? he attends daycare 3 days a week and at drop off he is still so stand-offish and is not a fan of group activities, but at the end of the day when there are only 4-5 of them left, supposedly he is very playful and interactive. Should I be worried?
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My son used to be very shy and also very discerning about who he would talk to, to the point that my own sister (his auntie) was convinced he didn’t like her. He is now 6 and for the last couple of years has opened up to the point that he talks to EVERYBODY, even people on the bus, at the shops, anyone he comes across he’s happy to have a good old chat about whatever he’s interested in at the time (cars, planes, football). I can’t promise anything but my experience was that he got less shy as he got older and more confident.
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My five year old is exactly the same. fabulous in a small group, great at home or at friends homes but put her in a kindy/childcare setting and she’s a bit hopeless.
She’s shy and gravitates towards adults. Kindy teachers have been fantastic but am worried about school next year. But I spose thats life, she’ll have to learn to cope in a class room……
I’ll just continue to go grey!
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This is me to a tee when I was a child, except I was also shy around the extended family some times.
I’m definitely not acting shy anymore, but my selfesteem could be a lot better. I don’t know which was the hen and the egg out of the two though.
What I needed as a child was to be left alone when in social gatherings, i.e. not pushed to do anything I didn’t want to. While being quiet I learned so much about interaction and personalities, and find that I have pretty interpersonal intelligence on that account. Your buy might be sucking things in as well as he stands there so shy.
What I wish my parents had given me was more quality time, especially as my brother came along, while I love him now, I definitely felt he took my parents from me. I also needed to be listened to when I eventually did speak up.
Good luck!
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Thank you dkmum for your insights. My daughter is a lot like you were as a child and it’s very helpful to hear what would have helped you. Food for thought. thanks!
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I can relate, my 4 yr old is exactly like that. He just clams up in front of group bigger than 4 or strangers. But the thing is I used to be like that too, so I can absolutely relate. I try to push him a little in those situations, but I don’t force it too hard – otherwise he retreats even further. He can’t change who he is, he needs time to gather and learn his own strength. I think all you can do is help guide him and let him know you understand his feelings. My boy also attends daycare the 3 days/week, and I’m told he mingles beautifully on a 1 to 1 level with the other children. Im not worried about this – it’s who he is, and what makes him happy. He’s a more sensitive natured boy, and sometimes there are many positives to this quality as well.
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I’ve heard about this book “Quiet” by Susan Cain. I’d love to read it. Apparently it is about how, as a society, we have become obsessed with classifying extroverts as “normal’. And pathologising introverts, or those who are shy.
Of course there is the possibility of anxiety or low confidence which may require further attention.
Just a thought.
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I know this is normal, but need reassurance.
My son is starting school next year, and has a small penis. I am really worried for him that he will be teased at the urinals etc.
Help!
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I really don’t think other boys look at that age, its more about what they can do with it eg write their name on the urinal wall or cross swords with their mates. Get him confident in flipping his penis over the top of his undies rarther than pulling them down all the way to prevent dacking incidents. hope this helps
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Is it that small he has problems going to the toilet? If so you have very serious problems.
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My sisters child also has a very small penis and was worried about the same things she went to see a paediatric endocrinologist who agreed it is small and that they will continue to monitor as he gets older as he may require treatment which by the way does NOT involve penis implants more likely testosterone I suggest speaking with your gp and getting a referral . Endocrinologists are specialist drs who deal with hormones.
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HELP! is my child normal? she is 11 months and only wants breastmilk…. she barely eats any solids despite my consistantsy in offering her food, i feel like i will be breastfeeding her until she is a teenager! she wont drink from a bottle and she will only drink water from a cup not breastmilk, i was hoping she would have at least wanted to cut down her feeds by now but she is still on 6 feeds a day
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so normal! Remember that 11 months is still so very young, and babies this age are going through so many developmental changes, that having to focus on trying and eating new foods is a massive strain…But breastmilk on the other hand is comforting and easy for them. Rest assured that your baby is getting so so so much great nutrients and immunity from your milk, that even if she refuses all food, she will be very healthy. Just keep offering her food and she will take interest in her own time.
Also remember that if your baby was bottle fed, it would probably be the same- she would just want bottles of milk rather than food.
At this age when babies are teething, or when they are sick, it is SO handy to be breastfeeding, as they usually go off food anyway, but not your breastmilk
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So normal, both my girls did this and still to this day they don’t eat that much, of you are still concerned I read a great book called ‘my child won’t eat’ changed my attitude overnight x
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Yep my little girl was the same. She didn’t start having actual meals till about 18months old. And then she never really liked baby mushy food, she went straight to solid veggies like roast sweet potato.
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Agree with what’s written below, and my girl also only wanted water from a cup.
When the rest of you eat, try giving her finger food on a tray next to you, so she is involved in the meal time, and get a feel for how cool it is to all sit together and eat.
I’m sure your GP or child health nurse will be able to tell you if she’s not getting enough nutrition, which is a question I would ask, but more than likely, she’ll catch on to solids when she starts getting hungry between feeds.
Have a look at ‘Baby led Weaning’, while I don’t agree with a lot of the reasoning behind the idea, I do like the idea that little children get to play with food, mush it all over their face and enjoy it. It doesn’t have to get super messy, just give her little bits of steamed or roasted veggies, or even rusks, that she can feed herself.
And keep telling yourself, an otherwise healthy child has never starved to death.
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This sounds like my little girl – she hardly touched solids until about 15months, and even then was fussy about what she ate and never had much. I actually breasfed her until she was 27 months, gradually cutting back the feeds and now she does nothing but eat all day long. People are astounded at how much she eats – she has just turned three. She will quite easily eat the same amount as her five year old brother, plus she snacks a lot more during the day than he does. My worry now is about managing her intake so she develops healthy habits – we’ve gone from one extreme to the other!!
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I hate to be the one to say it but actually by 11months old babies should be eating more than just breast milk as their iron needs cannot be wholly met on breast milk alone. There are other nutrients as well that they need from food…. it depends on how much she is eating though I suppose. If I were you I would go and talk to my doctor or child health nurse.
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Agreed and also I’d give the finger foods a good go. Get her checked out too.
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While you are completely right about meeting all of a babies nutritional needs, there has to be some allowance for individual babys differences and needs. My sister had a baby who didn’t really eat solids until after 12 months old, which of course worried my sister endlessly. She had a great GP, though, who said that as long as the baby was healthy and happy just to continue offering a variety of solids and the baby would get there. Fast forward nearly four years and my nephew eats anything and everything – but also attends speech therapy. One of the therapists asked my sister if my nephew had been slow to solids because of the muscle issues he has with his mouth. So, it turns out that as a baby my nephew needed longer to develop his muscles for chewing and swallowing than other babies – he is fine, has always been fine and my siser is now just really glad that she didn’t push my nephew onto solids before he was ready.
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This is a really silly question, but is she hungry when you’re trying new foods with her? By her age, she needs more than milk to get her nutrition needs met. I’d bring it up with your doctor/nurse too, to ensure there are no other feeding difficulties besides dislike of new foods.
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My daughter started solids at 6 months but didn’t last long before she refused all and just wanted breastmilk. Turns out she had severe allergies and intolerances and she knew they’d make her sick. My daughter was nt a good sleeper though and woke every hour or two cos she had a sore belly and I’d have to feed her back to sleep every time at 8/9 months. Just my experience!
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Great idea with this post!
My issue is: My daughter does this leg-movements when she’s sitting in the car restraint. She has been doing it since she is about 9 months old. So it’s almost like kicking the front seat, but she is not actually touching the front seat, she is just doing these steady kind of slow kicks, back and forth with her legs. And it’s like an obsession, because often the look on her face is like she is concentrating or in a trance.
When I tell her to stop, she sometimes stops, but starts again a few seconds or a few minutes later. Sometimes she doesn’t stop, so I repeat until she stops, which sometimes exacerbates into yelling from my side.
The thing is, it may not sound really something serious, but it’s just that it’s really like an obsession for her, she does it ALL THE TIME. And also because she does that, ultimativelly she presses her upper body, including her head against the seat, so her hair gets all tangled up and is difficult to brush.
Has anyone ever heard of that? Our health nurse told me not to worry, it will pass, although she has never heard or seen something like it before.
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I forgot to add, my daughter is 4.
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Hi, I had a thought of maybe moving her car seat to the middle where she doesn’t have a target as such to see if it continues. Hope you find the source. Does she say why she does it?
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We did try the switching seats once, and it’s the same, because she doesn’t seem to focus on the seat in front of her.
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Do you think it could be pleasurable for her?
Kids tends to masturbate in really unusual ways..
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When she does this, do her genitals have firmer contact with the restraint? I ask this odd question because when our daughter was much younger we discovered that she was using the restraint to masturbate. The jigging legs feel good if it puts pressure on her clitoris from the restraint. It’s a similar rhythm to what we’d do if masturbating. I just wonder with the trance she seems to go into, if this could be what she’s doing.
My daughter was doing it before she fell asleep in the car until it became why she wouldn’t fall asleep! We spoke to the doctor & had to cut her day sleeps as it was becoming a sleep association. We also switched car seats so that the new one didn’t have direct contact in the same place. It worked. I’m not sure what would work with an older child, if this is what she’s doing.
I know some adults who swing or tap their legs as an anxiety thing but don’t know if there’s any correlation with kids.
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This is the first thing I thought of when reading marijana’s post. A friend’s daughter was doing the same thing and it was driving my friend crazy trying to figure out to stop her. It wasn’t until she made a point of sitting next to her in the back seat during a longer car ride and watched her the whole time that she pieced it together. She was a bit torn how to handle it because she didn’t want to give her daughter the impression that masturbation was a bad thing for females to do. But after talking to her daughter’s doctor they too changed their car seat as he said she was running the risk of chafing and possibly even infection from aggressive and constant rubbing.
It might be something to look into marijana as your story sounds somewhat similar to my friend’s and hellopetal’s.
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Hey beans…fruit. You’re dead right on the chafing. On one car seat she rubbed so hard she broke the skin in her groin & had a raw wound. We had to wrap nappy squares around the seatbelt part at her groin until the new car seat came.
We handled the masturbation part by telling her that it was an at home thing & that we don’t do it out. I’d go to make her breakfast & come back to find her lying on the lounge going for it! She’d even make little noises. When I asked her to give it a rest now she wouldn’t want to. I did ask her about why she did it early doors & she said ‘it feels good’ so certainly not a silly girl, it doe steel good! We compromised with lots of distraction most times she’d start & eventually her frequency reduced dramatically. She was very young when she started & I would have preferred to keep her day sleeps for longer.
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I love the way you explained the masturbation thing to your daughter and the strategies you’ve used! I’ve just sent this off to my friend so thank you.
It’s such a tricky subject as no one really wants to make their daughter feel ashamed of their sexuality but constant masturbating surely can’t be healthy either at that age. Or at least I assume it’s not?!
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Thanks ‘hellopetal’, ‘beans…fruit’, and ‘bex’ for your replies.
I think the penny has dropped. It makes a lot of sense that she might be having some pleasures out of those leg-movements, because yes she does have firm contact with the restraint. I even think that I had this thought once, but I probably denied it and thought it must be something else.
Obviously the question is how to I approach this with her? And also should I be concerned about her masturbating at this young age? I guess talking to our GP is certainly a good idea. And I have to have a look at switching the car seat.
Thank you so much. Finally I have an idea about my daughters behaviour.
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I have 2 clear memories of masturbating when I was about your daughter’s age. The first was of my grandmother walking into the room and telling me I was going to hell and the second was of my mother coming in and trying to lift me off of the floor in the middle of it. But I became so angry – she told me when I was older that I looked almost violent – that she just left the room so I could finish.
I’m quite positive that I must’ve innocently rubbed up against something one day and realised that if I did it in a certain pattern for a length of time it felt really good and helped me doze off. No sexual association at all. So I wouldn’t be concerned about her discovering masturbation at that age. I Googled it one time and there were so many links and articles that it must be common. As for how to discuss it, I do think hellopetal’s line of explaining that even though it feels wonderful it’s meant to be done indoors is a great one. It might’ve been on here where I read a mother tell of her daughter masturbating during rest time at day care and that turned into a bit of a tricky situation. So if she at least can understand at this age that while it’s ok to masturbate it’s not an every day activity and it’s something we only do at home in private, that should be good enough for now I’d think? Keep in mind though I’m obviously not a child psych and I have a boy toddler so I could be way off base. As long as you don’t make her feel dirty or ‘bad’, I think it’ll be pretty hard to stuff her up with this one xo
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Hm now that I am reading all this, I remember as a child(between 7 and maybe 10 years of age) I think I did some masturbating myself. I never new what I did up until now. I used to climb up some poles or similar on the playgrounds and as that was rubbing against my genitals I got a nice feeling and would try and climb until I kind-of got to a highlight feeling.
It’s strange to think back about this, it makes sense.
I certainly don’t want to make her feel bad or dirty,
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Hi marijana
We went with a carseat with a H harness & lap belt across the hips as this gave her nothing to rub on so no more dramas there. I didn’t find a lot of useful stuff on the internet about masturbation because I think she started before she was even three. I was more assured by the GP who didn’t say it was abnormal – but hey none of her little girlfriends were doing it! And it was always quite obvious because she’d make little noises & get hot & sweaty. We went through a stage, before she dropped her day sleep, where if she wasn’t tired enough at night she’d lie there & masturbate so much that her pillow would be sweaty & she’d get way too hot. We called it ‘that thing’ & tried not to shame her about it, but also said ‘you won’t get to sleep while you’re too hot sweetie, let’s give it rest for tonight now.’
Definitely talk to your GP, they might have some other ideas on how to minimise it in but a different car seat was the best thing we did.
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Thank you so much for your suggestions. It really gives me finally an idea and a different point of view(until now the thing that most annoyed me was that her hair got so tangled due to that).
I’ve never paid attention to a H-harness seat, so I’ll definitely have a look into this.
With my daughter it’s only in the car, I have never seen her doing anything similar at home so far.
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If it helps I have two separate friends with daughters. They each realised their girls were masturbating at 3yo. One little girl does so to send herself off to sleep every night.
My personal, uneducated, opinion is that it’s normal. And I would be encouraging / framing it as something one enjoys in private, as a consideration to others… like fluffing, picking her nose (with a tissue!). Or going to the toilet.
I have been thinking about this because my baby boy has been able to clearly enjoy fondling his penis since he was a couple of months old! Even though he couldn’t hold his own bottle until a few months after that!
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It definitely helps! Good to know that my daughter is not the only one.
Thank you.
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I would deviate from the term ‘normal’ (because really, what is normal?) and instead use words like productive or healthy. If the behaviours seem a bit unusual but doesn’t have an impact on your life then chances are it falls within the spectrum of healthy and productive. But if the behaviour are causing harm or concern or interfere with functioning (and by that I mean of lifestyle) then I suggest getting an opinion, preferably from a child psychologist or paediatrician.
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My 5 year old does the ‘baby talk’ thing a lot. I think I have worked out that it’s only when she is talking to other adults… kinder teachers, grandparents, her friends parents and usually only when she is relaying a story.
She has always been a real chatterbox, nattering away with great pronunciation etc… this ‘baby talk’ thing started about 3-4 months ago.
It drives us NUTS. I’m guessing it’s an attention-seeking thing?
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My 3.5 yr old went through a phase of only saying “mmm” instead of yes, for about two months. It annoyed me alot so I just replied “pardon?” when she said it, and if she said it again I would repeat etc, untill she replied with “yes, I did enjoy the park” or “yes, thankyou Mummy.”
I am not 100% sure but I think she started saying it because her Dad hmms alot in his normal conversations, and she had spent alot of time around him on his holidays and therefore was picking up alot of his speech habits. After I got a fewother people on board with the “pardon” response, instead of the “don’t say this, say that!” approach, she has now stopped Hmmm-ing and uses her words properly.
Are there any people you know that love to talk babytalk to her? She is probably getting it from watching other adults talk to childre, or other kids younger than her who actually talk like that. I am pretty sure every kid copies stuff from other kids that they find different, to test reactions, or to copy reactions they witness from other adults..
Maybe the approach of asking her “pardon” consistently but gently will do the trick, and she will start getting sick of having to repeat her sentences properly. Of course, you will have to get other adults on board so she sees her babytalk isn’t getting the reaction she hoped for..
If this takes time, don’t stress too much, kids test things and push limits regularly so she will probably just get over it within time, as she gets older and learns better speech and newer words etc. Hope this helps a bit
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I don’t think anyone talks in babytalk to her… I have wondered though whether she does it because she and her friends mostly have younger siblings and they see that the younger kids may get treated/spoken to differently by other people….
When she does it, we gently say to her, ‘speak on your lovely big girl voice please’ and she stops it straight away which is good.
I guess I just want the phase to be over – I’m being impatient which is not good.
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My 4yo daughter did baby-talk too a while ago. Mostly I think because her older cousin actually talks like that( her cousin is 1,5years older, but often doesn’t pronounce words very clear). And I also did the same like ‘Mummy of One’, just pretending to not understand her and say ‘pardon’, so eventually she stopped.
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My little guy is 15 months old and very manic. He has a crazy temper and screems all the time but spreads his finger out wide and tenses up, is this normal? He won’t listen to “no” and he ignores us when we say it unless I go up close and make him look me in the eye. I worry a bit as he always runs up to kids screaming with tense fingers and the other kids get scared. My husband and I think maybe there could be more to it but not sure what!
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My little boy used to do the wide fingers tense up thing (not so much the screaming). It was a signal of frustration for him and when he started to get a handle on words (20-22 months or so) it completely went away. Hang in there!
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My little boy used to do the wide fingers tense up thing (not so much the screaming). It was a signal of frustration for him and when he started to get a handle on words (20-22 months or so) it completely went away. Hang in there!
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My daughter is three and when she was younger and very frustrated she tense her fingers and gritted her teeth, and her head kind of quivered. I think most kids do this at some stage because they are learning to deal with the physicality of their emotions, and maybe the tensing of fingers is there because they know its not okay to hit/smack etc, but they have a physical need to express what they cannot say/understand. Maybe it would help to explain that with other kids/people he needs to be “nice and soft and gentle”, eventually he will understand and it will probably go away when he learns other ways to express himself, hopefully.
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I would probably go see a paediatrician- My 13 boy has adhd with sensory processing issues and generalised anxiety disorder, he acted very similar to yours at about the same age. Looking back, he was ‘different’ to my other children from about the age of 18 months. The psychologists we have seen have told us that there isnt anything they could do for him til he at least had started school. I’m definitely NOT saying that this is what yours has, just that maybe it may help to get a ‘professionals’ opinion
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Great idea Mia!
I have a 2 year old son who is petrified of the vacuum cleaner and leaf blower! He won’t even walk past them. We’ve had to say they are broken to pacify him. Does this pass or have I found my son’s achilles heal?
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My three year has always been terrified of noises like that – the worst was the spa jets, so we started with that one. Filled the bath, turned on the jets when he was waaaay back at the door, lifted him to see. Turned them off, let him come over. Turned them on again. Let him turn them on and off. He cried, but by the end, he was laughing and thought it was really cool. Maybe you could try the same idea with the vacuum cleaner??? Although, part of my son’s fear with that (and the bath) was things getting sucked away and never seen again…so I guess you have to tackle that issue too! But, in short, he is getting better as he gets older
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My cousin and his wife did something similar. Once their bubs were getting more comfortable with the noise of the vacuum, they sat them down and sucked up some different objects with the cleaner (things that mum and dad loved, not the kids’ stuff). Then they opened the filter and took the stuff back out again. Afterwards, the kids wanted to try it. It took some time to reassure them, but now they’re fine with the cleaner and even offer to vacuum sometimes!
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I don’t have any kids yet. But I’d like to share an anecdote about my dog being really scared of my new fridge.
It was a Fisher & Paykel fridge, which does the “beep beep beep” noise when left ajar to let you know to shut it.
He was freaked out by that and the whole fridge / kitchen area became a problem for him.
I decided to use positive food reward reassurance to get him to be OK about it. Every time the fridge beeped, I had a dog choc (carob) ready to pop right into his mouth. I persisted and after a week or two he associated the fridge beep with being a very good thing (for him!)
That was about 18 months ago. These days if I am in the fridge at all, he sits by it willing it to beep so he can get a choc. Or if he’s at the other end of the house and it beeps he comes running – he’s even abandoned his dinner to come fetch his ‘reward’! Bloody cheeky. But it worked brilliantly.
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Totes normal!
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I may or may not have used my sons fear of the vacuum to my advantage!!
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Surely not Sis ? Lol
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My son is 8 and while he doesnt run crying from the vacuum anymore he still prefers not to be in the same room as the vacuum when its on. He better grow out of it soon i dont want to be vacuuming his room forever
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My son is 8 and while he doesnt run crying from the vacuum anymore he still prefers not to be in the same room as the vacuum when its on. He better grow out of it soon i dont want to be vacuuming his room forever
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When my son was about that age ALL loud noises were a no go. Even parties were just too much for him and the vaccum clearer was the worst. At some stage he grew out of it. Now 9 I notice that he will move rooms when it is on but no longer makes a big deal of it. I also like the suggestion of playing with the vaccum. I think that probably would have helped my boy if we had made it a game.
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My first child was the same. And now he’s fine. I don’t intend to make fun of you, but just remember there aren’t too many adults who are petrified of vacuum cleaners and leaf blowers. And, in all probability, it will pass for your son too.
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hmmmm Mia I don’t know about this. As a paediatric allied health professional (in a former life, before kids) I have seen countless children whose behaviour is not ‘typical’ (a more politically correct term than “normal”). All very well for a concerned parent to post a question on an internet site asking for reassurance, but what if the behaviour is, in fact, a sign of a developmental disorder, a neurological disorder or a behavioural disorder? And what if they are reassured by well meaning people who have never met the child, and therefore don’t seek advice from trained professionals?
I know that you are thinking that people will post along the lines of..my child eats paint, is that normal, but some of the questions already raised have alarm bells ringing in my mind…
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One would hope that if there were any real concerns they would seek help and simply not rely on a website like this.
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I could not agree more.
I’ve known too many kids who were reassured by other parents that nothing was wrong and they have wasted valuable time when they could have been getting therapy and getting issues sorted out before the child started school.
If you’re not sure, get your child assessed! You have nothing to lose.
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Maybe if Mamamia did this again in the future they could have a paediatrician on board so this is less of an issue.
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I’m a Clinical Psychologist and worked with 0-12 (now on maternity leave). A moderator could be a good idea. Delayed assessment, diagnosis and early intervention can have long term effects.
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As an allied health professional I agree to a certain extent. I see so many people stick their heads in the sand with regards to what is normal behaviour, so if something like this makes people come out to discuss things in an open and non-judgmental way, and hopefully get some advice, then that is good too.
I think the important thing for anyone to realise is that if you have concerns, then go and get your child assessed. And that early intervention really is critical and important.
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Not exactly a specific “is my child normal”, but kind of fits into this…I’ve only been living in Australia for the past 7 years – born and raised in America. All I’ve ever known is the US healthcare system. In the US, babies have “well” visits with pediatricians on a regular basis. Even more frequently that the standard MCHN checks. Now that I have a little Aussie boy, I feel like I am missing out on the “expert’s” checks. Do you take your little ones for routine check-ups at GP’s? What’s normal in terms of having your child checked out by a doctor? Do you think you are missing anything by not having well child check-ups?
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Hi JB
I live in Canada, and we also have Well Child checkups at 6 weeks, 1.5 months, 5 months, 7 months and 1 year (not sure after that…my son is only 8 months old).
I find them reassuring, and a good opportunity to ask questions. If you are wondering, the visits Make sure baby is following a steady height & weight curve, as well as head circumference. This type of thing can also be done in public health offices by nurses in Canada, so maybe that is an option in Australia?
The drs also do a quick physical each visit (check hips, etc.) and ask what developmental milestones baby has hit. They do referrals for concerns.
Just thought I would share so it no longer is a mystery to you, likely is similar in the States. maybe this is covered in another way in Australia? (always done by nurses?)
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Nope, just the health nurse check ups. They will refer if there is anything worrying. Keeps the waiting lists down as there is a major shortage of docs out here in the country.
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I’m pretty sure most states give you a child health record book, in it there are developmental checks that you can have done with a GP or early childhood nurse. In most cases the numbers are in the books to find out your local early childhood service. I’m in NSW and we have a ‘blue book’.
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I’ve been to all the MCHN checkups (weight/measurement/questions about milestones) and VIC uses the blue book too, but I guess I just don’t see them the same as going to a pediatrician for a well child check up on a regular basis. Anyway, it sounds like something I’m going to have to get comfortable with. Our GP is great – she knows me and where I come from – and has told me she is happy to see our little one whenever I want. The difference is just something that, well, seems so different and I have a hard time getting my head around it.
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HI jb,
If that would make you better, you could get a refferal (from your GP) to see a paediatrician. Normally they see children for specific issues, however I’m sure if you are willing to pay for the private appointment (probably about $220-$270) your Dr would refer you.
Its hard to get used to different systems. I had my baby in UK, I didn’t get one ultra sound until 8 mths along, then saw my first Dr (totally midwives until that point) on my due date! It was very strange for me, as you would know we are very Dr focused during pregnancy. I was a challenge to my own set of thinking but really good.
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jb, even if you get a referral for a paediatrician, if it’s nothing major, you can wait for months. I will be waiting for 6 months for a paediatric appt for my youngest because I fear she may have mild ADHD and its not considered serious. Oh, btw, its in the private system too.
Seriously, come see the nurses at child health. The vast majority of us have years of education to get to work in those clinics and are also pretty good at well baby/child stuff.
GPs are not specialists in this area and sometimes miss stuff.
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when you have a baby , in Queensland anyway, you are given a baby health book that you take to the doctor at regular intervals and they
record everything in it, including your immunisations etc. Mine is for 4 years.
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I have a three year old daughter and I am afraid she is developing an unhealthy view on eating and food. I am a healthy eater myself, and I have enough knowledge as a female and a parent to knw about food groups, moderation, treats, snacking, portion times, exercise etc. However it is sometimes hard to put this into guidance towards my daughter.
She is not exactly overweight but she is slightly chubby, round face, solid legs and tummy.. which I suspect she will grow out of in a year or so. She is also tall for her age, has alot of energy and loves to run and play which we do together often. Exercise is a daily activity for both of us and is always fun.
However, she always just wants to EAT. I don’t think it is a growth spurt as it has been like this since she was about one and a half! I worry that if I overfeed her and let her eat at will then she will get used to eating very often and large amounts. She has a healthy diet but always seems hungry. Maybe I should be looking into foods that make her feel fuller for longer? With the snacks issue, whenever she pleads for snacks I sometimes advise her she can have some vegetables to which she whinges and declines, showing she is not actually starving…
Any advice on how to develop a “moderation” approach to her eating habits? Or should I just not worry and let her eat as much as she likes when she is hungry?
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My 6 and a half year old son is the same. He is slim, runs and moves constantly, east very healthily (most of the time!) but he seems obssessed with food. He is always hungry, gets almost a manic happiness when food is mentioned or put on the table, and he always asks about how much he can have beforehand. For example the other night I did fish fingers and veg for the kids as i was going out and my son spent the afternoon asking how many he could have, could he have ten, or one hundred as he was really hungry – and I mean all afternoon… He wrote a story at school about how if he was invisible he would eat all the lollies in the world… He loves cooking and is interested in food so I am hoping this passion will lead him to a carreer in the food industry! So sorry I cant offer you any advice!
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Batgirl, your son sounds so cute! (I too can’t stop thinking about food, totally normal if your eating the right things)
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My 3.5 year old is the same. She always wants to eat. So we have strict times for morning tea, lunch and afternoon tea and she doesn’t eat in between those times. I’m not sure what snacks you are offering, but I figure as long as she is eating healthy it doesn’t matter. So breakfast is cereal/toast, lunch is a sandwhich or a bowl of past. Then throughout the day she will eat a banana, an apple, a yoghurt, and some vitawheats. Occassioanlly I will make a treat (pikelets, vegemite scrolls, biscuits) and these become morning or afternoon tea. She often won’t eat dinner, but I figure as long as she has had a balanced day then it doesn’t matter. I do have to limit strawberries though – she would a whole punnet a day if I let her! If you are worried about her having unhealthy snacks, just don’t offer them.
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I am glad to hear she isn’t the only kid like this… her snacks are always very healthy, she usually has yoghurt/museli for breakfast, piece of fruit for moring tea, sandwich with vegemite or jam for lunch, arvo tea of sultanas/fruit/biscuit. and dinners are always with veggies which i used to have trouble with but lately she is pretty good. then she has a half glass of milk before bedtime, and if she ate all of her vegetables then she is allowed either three tiny teddies or another treat, like homemade mini fruit muffins etc. So her foods and meal times are regular and healthy, rarely has takeout or any drink other than water/milk.
She is fairly obsessed with mealtimes and always wants lunch at like eleven, and arvo tea straight after lunch, if she had the choice I am certain she would eat her whole days worth of food in one sitting!! I guess we are the parents though so as long as I keep the regularity and healthiness going, she will accept it alot better… I sometimes worry she will grow up with a desperate attitude towards food, and over eat when she is a teen, etc.
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Maybe try offering protien with every meal? Like cheese, nuts, ham sandwich, that kinda thing. May help keep her little tummy fuller for longer.
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Don’t buy unhealthy snacks, seriously. If all there is to eat is fruit or other healthy snacks, if she is really hungry she will eat them. I think parents are worried that if their kids only want junk food they will starve to death, that ain’t going to happen. About the only junk food my 3 year old eats is a couple of Clix, because that is all we buy.
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I agree, I never buy snack food or even chocolate from the supermarket, all that goes into her mouth is fresh fruit/vegies/meat or homecooked stuff that I know is okay for her. Junk food is basically non-existant, I don’t really like most processed stuff myself anyway. She is good with the type of foods she wants, but always wants more, for example, she would eat four pieces of fruit in one sitting if she was allowed, and extra bowls of cereal, boxes of sultanas, etc.
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My daughter is the same, she would eat 5 apples a day given the chance. So just need to mix it up, apples, yoghurt, sandwich and other healthy snacks. If it is healthy food I don’t see the problem. I am not sure most cereal is very good though, with all the sugar.
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glad u posted this my 3 year old son is so similar wants to eat all day as if its just a fun activity all i can do is provide healthy food, and now its at the point when if i think he isnt hungry i offer him a carrot or some celery or a glass of milk and this is usually a good indicator of if he is really hungry or not
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My now 5yo daughter was very similar at the same age. I eventually figured out that she just didnt understand boredom. Like many adults, if she was bored then she would say she was hungry and want something to eat. If it wasn’t a mealtime/snacktime then i would distract her with a new game or something to do and she would forget about it. Eventually her stomach and metabolism adjusted to the set mealtimes.
Once we had that figured out I then started letting her choose what she was eating. At dinnertime everything was in communal dishes on the table and everybody would serve themselves. It really helped her to understand portion sizes and what she could/should eat.
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A similar topic was discussed at a different post a week or two ago. Someone suggested having the thyroid checked out, as it might not be working properly.
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I’m really strict with the meal time routine. Kid has to wash hands, be strapped into chair bib on for every meal and snack. No snacks in car, pram or near tv or toys. If a snack involves all this bother they might only eat when really hungry. My 3yo eats 3 meals a day no snacks, and never asks for food.
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Do NOT bring attention to eating and do NOT restrict her from eating if shes hungry. Just makie sure there are only healthy options in the house. My mum restricted our food when we were kids and now we all have disordered eating. I have been anorexic, bulimic and now am morbidly obese. Do not let her know you have concerns.
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I find this advice very strange.
My 3yo is hungry all day. She has a yoghurt upon waking. Two courses at breakfast. And then all day “I’m hungry, I’m hungry” …. the clincher? Will eat one bite then says she’s finished…hmmmmm Yes, I am sorry but the kitchen is not open every minute of every day at your whim. And, no, it is not an a la carte menu!
My tip to Mummy of One which is easing my worry is morning / arvo tea is raw vegie sticks and healthy dip (cottage cheese w/ seeded mustard or sweetcorn, hoummus, guacamole etc)
I just found otherwise she would just not get her vegie intake. She was only eating bread, dairy, fruit etc and refusing dinner.
(I realise some parents struggle with kids that won’t eat very much at all. I still find this an issue though. It’s important to me she is preparted for pre-school / school / life: eating enough when it is time to eat + learning to wait sometimes)
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My daughter is almost 1 and is still not crawling. She’s always hated tummy time and even now if I put her on her tummy, she just rolls to her back. Apart from rolling she’s not mobile. No bum shuffles or commando crawling. She tries to pull herself up on furniture or me but is still not having great success. She’s so frustrated. I’m so frustrated! So many people tell me to be grateful that she’s not moving but I’ll feel much better when I know she’s happier.
Any one have any suggestions?
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Both my sister and I were non crawlers. Mum got us one of those walker things (put baby sitting in and they can use their legs to push around) and we LOVED it. Then went straight to walking.
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I would suggest talking your daughter to see a cranial oesteopath. My daughters were slow to crawl too and hated tummy time. The fabulous oesteopath got them up on their arms and crawling after a few treatments
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I think you should talk to you CHN or GP about this
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I would get a referral to a pediatric physiotherapist for this. IF there are any strength issues in her legs then there are loads of exercises which could help. OR they can reassure you that her development is totally normal for her – which it totally could be!!
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I think this one might be out of the scope of normal. Is she sitting at all? Or if she does, does she slump forward? It wouldn’t hurt to get her checked by a gp or CHN. I would actually recommend seeing a physio just to make sure that she doens’t have low tone, or something like that.
In the meantime, if you have swiss/fit ball, play games where you put her on her tummy on the ball and roll it back and forth (with you holding her obviously) and sit her on it and bounce. Also, lots of tummy time. Place objects she wants just out of reach and make a game with her (all happy language etc). When she is on her tummy, push her legs up into a crawling position to encourage her. Lots of sitting as well.
Good luck.
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My son didn’t crawl until after one, he also hated tummy time. He eventually commando crawled and then crawled around 16 mths I think and he didn’t walk until he was 2. He is now 4 and is still behind with gross and fine motor skills but is catching up. He has now been diagnosed with low muscle tone, started OT and Physio at 2.5 after seeing a Paediatrician.
When he was a baby people kept telling me that all babies are different and do things in their own time.This is probably true but some babies seem to need a little more help.
I’d see a Paediatrician at some stage as early intervention seems to help. They may refer you to a physio at the children’s hospital who can give you some exercises to do. She’ll probably get there anyway but at least you’ll feel like you have done all you can.
Good luck
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I would urge you to get a referal for an assessment with a paediatrician. Start with your GP and go from there. While there are may variations of normal, if there is is something your child needs extra help with developmentally, then the sooner you get on to it, the better.
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My daughter also didn’t crawl at all. We purchased one of those walkers for her and she loved it. It kept her occupied and stimulated. She went straight to walking at about 14 months … so don’t worry, its all normal.
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Neither if my girls were crawlers, both bum shufflers. One walked at 17 months, the other at 19 months. Both were very capable walkers straight away -no tottering, practically running if you will. They just weren’t confident/bothered beforehand. it took them ages to pull themselves up on furniture too – probably from not building up enough strength I their legs from crawling.
Keep standing your daughter up against the furniture or walking with you at odd times during the day. Eventually she will get it. If you don’t feel like her legs are strong then by all means go to a paediatrician for peace of mind.
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I agree with the others that suggest further investigation. See a GP, paediatrician or paediatric physio. Not crawling at one is outside of what is typical as far as I am aware. For those who’ve said its normal for some kids to walk and not crawl I disagree. Skipping milestones can have an impact on later development. I would be concerned about gross motors skills later in life for those that skip the crawling stage. At the end of the day if it turns out that all is ok it’s still better to have had it checked out than done nothing a realised in 2 years time that your child needed intervention.
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How awful for you hearing you should be grateful if it’s something that concerns you and you’re both frustrated.
Whilst many babies can go straight to walking, there are many physical and cognitive benefits for them learning to crawl – if you can get them to!! At least for peace of mind, I’d see a paediatric physio. They should be able to do an assessment to see if there is a problem causing the delay, give exercises to strengthen muscle groups if necessary and show you positions to put your baby in to encourage crawling. Might also be worth seeing a GP/ Paediatirician to rule out any underlying reasons eg symptoms of reflux contributing to not liking tummy time???
Despite other suggestions though, my understanding is that the baby walkers and jolly jumpers are not great for a baby’s development as they encourage an unnatural movement pattern and affects sensorimotor learning related to walking, so it might be best to avoid using them unless recommended by one of the above-mentioned professionals. Good luck!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/2054550.stm
http://www.babycenter.com/404_will-baby-walkers-and-jumpers-help-my-baby-learn-to-walk_6878.bc
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all my kids walked before 12 months. My oldest son now 19 walked at 9 months! every kid is different , but usually by 12 months they are crawling. I would see a doctor and get a referral to a specialist, just to be sure.
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Don’t worry!!! my son didn’t start crawling until he was 13-14 months old. Then pretty much straight to walking. i was terrified but can’t catch him now.
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My son didn’t crawl until 12.5 months and walk until 18 months. Despite being a physio myself, I took him to a Paediatric physio to get him checked. I think that I knew that there was nothing wrong, but I needed someone to tell me that he was ok and just lazy! Take her to a Paediatric physio (you can find one in your area on the Australian Physiotherapy Association website). You don’t need a referral. They will assess your daughter and give you activities to do with her to facilitate her. In most cases, you’ll find that this will get her moving quite quickly!
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See your maternal health nurse and get assessed by 12 months your child in most cases should be able to hold his/her own weight not necessarily walking or crawling though. There are specialist physios who help kids with their gross motor skills
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My sweet nephew hated tummy time, would screech and cry out of it, he even hated sitting upright, could never get him to sit or lie on his own. He never crawled, just shifted his bum or cried for someone to pick him up. We all got a bit worried until he reached just past 13months, he propped himself up using a coffee table, and took a wobbly step. Then it turned into a few steps, and within the fortnight he was practically running around the place, he didn’t let anyone hold him either, he was very independent. I think all kids develop differently, if it eases your mind, take your baby to the doctor, but just letting you know there are other parents out there who were in your shoes and it’s perfectly OK
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My daughter didnt crawl until her first birthday!
She wouldnt do tummy time because it made her vomit. She was in the upper percentile for weight and length and would just sit like a blob, a happy chatty blob though. We had her checked by her paediatrician who said she was fine, just a late crawler.
She obviously just had to build up her strength to get up and do it. She then didnt walk until she was 16 months.
The questions about it from people drove me crazy. If you are worried have her checked for peace of mind.
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My now thirteen yo son didnt start crawling til he was 13 months old- then didnt start walking til he was 19 1/2 months old. We would do the same- put him on his tummy and he would push himself backwards and sit up. While he was sitting, we would put his toys out of reach, but that made absolutely no difference as well! So to get the idea of movement for him, we got a baby walker (i know they are frowned upon now, they were then!) we used it a couple of times a day and he would chase the dog, the rest of the time he would be on the floor without it. He did start crawlin g soon after. But I think to make up for what he didnt do, he found out what he COULD do, and that was talk. He had an amazing vocabulary by 12 months- even the health nurses were surprised! I think that all babies are different and they will all do things in their own good time. I think that You know in yourself if there is a problem and to go and seek medical advice or to go to the local health nurse, but i know that kids develop their different skills at different times. hope this helps <3
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I had a girlfriend who’s daughter was a late crawler also. She ended up being referred to a physio and after a few sessions (not sure what they did exactly, strengthening exercises I think), she finally started crawling and is now running around everywhere.
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Does she sit confidently? My daughter didn’t crawl till 13months but she was a happy sitter. It does sound like their might be some issues if there’s no real gross motor skills there yet. I think you should at least see your child health nurse or Gp
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My first daughter was a late crawler – at 13 months. Then also a late walker at 18 months. I was a bit anxious about it but now I see nothing to worry about. My health care nurse told me to put toys out of reach to get her to crawl to them. Remember that by the age of two everyone will be walking and it doesn’t matter! It’s so hard not to worry about it, I know!
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My daughter is 4. My husband and I are laid-back, chilled out kinda people. She’s not. She’s OUT THERE.
I love her with all my heart. But there’s 20% of every day where it’s HECTIC. I just want to run into the cupboard and hide. Everything is a big deal. She talks back. She pushes our buttons. She says she hates us. She’ll try and hurt our new dog. She’ll break things.
And then like a switch has been flicked, she’s back to her normal self again. I’ve tried time out, taking things away, yelling (not my favourite) and negotiating.
I guess I’d just love to hear about 4 year old little people. Is this normal, finding-her-place-in-the-world type behaviour. Will it pass?
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Hi – just a quick reply as I saw that you didn’t have any as yet and didn’t want you to think that what you have said here about your little one and her behaviour is anything but normal!!!
As for “will it pass?”. I am not sure as I my daughters are 5 and 3 so I am still in the midst of this type of behaviour myself!
I think what does my head in the most is the drastic change in behaviour from angel child to demon monster and back again at the drop of a hat!!!
There are times I just want to walk out the front door and not come back – and from what I hear from my friends that is normal too!
As for the trying it all – me too! So, if you work something out let me know and I will give it a crack too …
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Listen to Meshel, Tim & Marty on Nova. They do a segment called ‘IS MY KID A WEIRDO!?’
Funny stuff!
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Ha! I’ve been singing the theme song to that as I read the comments.
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Thankyou for this story, Mia. Our nearly three-year old is on the Autism spectrum and he’s been fairly joyful to parent, up until the last few months. Now he:
Ignores us 80% of the time when we ask him to do something;
Throws crazy tantrums over the most trivial things – for example if I decant his yoghurt into a bowl instead of letting him eat it from the tub;
Refuses a lot of food, loves water crackers, fruit, hommus and weet bix, but getting him to eat anything substantial is tricky.
My husband and I are not sure if it’s the toddler, or the autism, that’s causing these most frustrating behaviours.
Reading others’ posts on here has given me some reassurance that all toddlers do this stuff. Only time will tell whether he grows out of this like typical toddlers but for now I can accept that at this point in time he’s behaving like most other toddlers when he’s being a jerk.
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My parents and gp were convinced my brother was deaf for a long time. They used to bang pots and pans above and behind his head and he didnt react. When they went and got him officially tested, his hearing was perfect. They all thought it was hilarious that he was just choosing to ignore them. He still does it. He also would freak out about sitting up and wasnt a very social kid. Some people have crazy selective hearing ability. Hes absolutely and completely fine.
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Sensory issue with textures or taste, that’s your son’s problem, I’m 70% sure, but as every toddler they can be desensitized, just don’t force him in anger or anything, all you’ll achieve is making him vomit, give him a tiny bit of “something he doesn’t eat” every day in his plate, just a bite, one food at a time until he can eat it without fussing. His tastebuds probably detect bitterness/sourness much better than yours, so they have to be trained to accept it slowly. Do one week of each new food for instance, and rotate. Try checking how he eats meat, too. Do you have to cut his meat in very tiny pieces? Do you notice him making balls with his meat by chewing it for hours before spitting the ball out? If so it’s a texture issue. I had it too….it’s tricky to reeducate
I still want to throw up when bushing my teeth, and I’ve been doing it every day for 34 years ^^
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