Would you want to know the sex of your baby?
I am lucky. I have a beautiful son who I love to bits. But it was nothing like I imagined. Not just the fact that motherhood is nothing like I had thought it would be but the fact that having a son was never in my life plan. Not when I was a little girl playing mum and not when I was pregnant.
I grew up with two sisters and playing mummy was one of my favourite games. I always played with girl dolls, I dressed my dolls in pink babygros, I swaddled them in pink blankets. I named them the most feminine names I could think of and I never ever confused them for boys.
So when I was pregnant I just assumed I was having a girl and I was thrilled. I imagined my relationship with my daughter in quite some detail so when I went for my 18 week scan it was almost as an aside that I asked them to confirm that the little baby growing inside me was indeed a girl.
I was shocked that my baby had a penis. Shocked and petrified.
I called my sister – she has always been the best person to help me deal with myself and she calmly and rationally told me “a baby is a baby, it makes no difference if it’s a girl or a boy, your baby will love you and you will love him”.
I don’t regret finding out his sex (and I certainly don’t regret him being a boy) because when he was born 10 weeks early, I certainly didn’t need any more surprises. I was also ecstatic that I had found out early in the piece because I was totally at peace with the fact that he was a boy by the time he was born.
But my reasoning for finding out his gender wasn’t sinister, it was curious and it was important to me because I don’t like surprises.
However the practice of “selectively aborting” foetuses (usually female) as a way choosing the sex of a child has reached such worrying proportions in some former Soviet states that members of the Council of Europe Committee have passed a draft resolution instructing medical staff to “withhold information about the sex of the foetus”. The resolution states that prenatal sex selection should only be allowed in order to avoid serious hereditary disease linked to one sex.
The recommendation covers all 47 member states of the Council of Europe Committee. (The Committee is based in France and covers virtually the entire European continent meaning that if the resolution is passed, most European countries will be blocked from telling expectant parents whether they are carrying a boy or a girl.)
The Council of Europe can’t impose binding orders on governments but is highly influential in policy-making. The draft resolution by the council’s equal opportunities committee will now go before the council’s full Parliamentary Assembly for approval next month.
Would you want to know the sex of your baby before it was born? If you have a child did you find out what you were having before you delivered?
Comments
250 Comments so far
I have 2 sons. My husband and I didn’t find out for our first. I wanted to find out, but hubby didn’t so we decided together not to find out. And i Loved the surprise of “It’s a boy!”
For our 2nd, I wanted to know but my husband didn’t. And as he didn’t come to as many appointments this time, he said if I wanted to find out I could. But he didn’t want to know. As luck would have it, my husband couldn’t make it to the 20 week scan so I found out. I didn’t tell him I knew, I didn’t tell a soul! After our gorgeous son was born, I told my husband that I knew and he was fine about it. He actually started thinking back over the 20 weeks to see if he could remember me slipping up. He said I did a great job!
If I can talk hubby into baby no. 3, there is no way I’d find out. I don’t regret finding out, it’s just more of a surprise at the 40 week mark!
But, each to their own!
loading...
My husband and I chose not to find out the sex of our beautiful baby girl and our reasoning was you don’t have many “happy surprises” in life … we’d lost our house in the Brisbane flood and I had unexpected lost my brother a few years before. And it was the most incredibly amazing moment when my husband told me “its a little girl!” But what annoyed me so much was, all throughout my pregnancy, the look I would get – like I had two heads – when I would answer no when people asked if we knew the sex. Even in our anti natal class – where we were the only couple out of 12 who didn’t know. I was so sick of “but how can you possibly get organised?” I think not finding out the sex should be the majority – not the minority but if you do want to find out – each to their own!
loading...
I have 2 little boys, and I didn’t find out with either of them. Throughout my pregnancies, I called them “my baby”. You don’t have to call them “It”, just because you don’t know their sex.
loading...
My husband and I are 12 weeks today, and we’ve decided we won’t find out. I know we will be overwhelmed and thrilled when we’re finally holding the little broad bean, no matter what gender, but I’m worried of I find out beforehand, I may develop expectations or a sense of disappointment (eg. Oh, but I’ve always wanted a daughter…) that would be completely unjustified. I just can’t imagine holding a healthy baby boy/girl and thinking I once, even for the briefest time, hoped for something different.
loading...
nothing wrong with wanting to know, but choosing makes a bunch of assumptions about gender roles. You want a daughter to play dressups, and get a tomboy, or you want a boy to go to football who’d rather go dancing. Let’s not even get into the possibility of sexual orientation, whether or not they’ll get married, and whether or not they’ll want kids. Gender is really irrelevant.
loading...
OK, now I’m curious… we didn’t find out with the first (our daughter). Now bub #2 is on the way, and consensus amongst family seems to be that it would be helpful for our daughter to know, as a 2 year old will probably struggle with the uncertainty. What do people think of this? How do toddlers cope with anticipating a ‘brother or sister’? Is it easier for them if they know?
loading...
Though I found out with all 3 of my pregnancies I didn’t want to tell the kids as its not 100% accurate. I think its easier for them just not to know then to try and work out how their sister became a brother
loading...
My son was 17 1/2mths when our daughter was born & we didn’t find out and he called my bump bub-bub and now 11mths on we are trying to get him to use her name but she is affectionately known as sis-sis to him and he adores her. I think as long as you explain that there is a baby and it could be a girl or boy that’s enough for them
loading...
I have four daughters and chose not to find out the sex of any of them! I figured what difference would it make….. By the time we got to number four though, I did think a son would be nice
but in the words of number 4 “you get what your get and you don’t get upset!” As for preparing your toddler for the new arrival, I found mine were just super excited that Mummy was having another baby!!! Why should they get to know if they are getting a brother or sister before the baby arrives? When we were kids we had to had to wait for everything and it didn’t hurt us 
)
loading...
Kids generally love surprises. We never found out with any of ours and the older ones were just excited about getting a new baby. Gender was irrelevant to them.
loading...
When I was pregnant with our little boy, I had an inkling about the sex of our child and was desperate to find out 1) to confirm my suspicions, 2) I hate surprises and 3) we had the opportunity to find out, so why not?? Whether he ended up being a little girl or a little boy, made no difference to us, ultimately all we both really cared about was that he was healthy.
Sex selection because you want a child of one sex over the other is wrong. First and foremost, if your given the gift of being able to conceive a child either by natural means or IVF – be thankful that it’s happened! There are millions of women out there who would give aren’t able to conceive by ANY means and to squander that gift just because you want a little girl to match your little boy is horrendous!!
Sex selection SHOULD only be left for those couples who have hereditary, sex linked fatal illnesses.
loading...
Second time around I wanted to find out, as my little girl was convinced (and hopeful) she was having a sister… if it was going to be a boy, I wanted a few months to warm her up to all the wonderful benefits of having a little brother! We did find out at 18wks that it was a girl and we are both thrilled. She was with me at the OB when we found out and that will be one of the most memorable moments of my life!
loading...
Omg I can’t believe people are actually saying they weren’t as excited because they knew the sex and babies name of their friends / families babies. I know we’re all here to express our opinions but it isn’t up to you to choose whether or not You know the sex, it’s the parents choice. I’d be excited for ANYONE having a baby regardless of if i knew it’s gender and name.. It’s an exciting time
And there is so much more to the baby then a
Gender and name!!!
loading...
It’s an each to their own thing, a very personal choice & no one should judge or critisise any ones decision. I found out the
Sex of my baby. I wouldnt of had it any other way, after I knew what he was & chose his name I feel we had an unbreakable bond before he came. As for the actual blog. If It is to stop parents aboriting wouldn’t you think it would lead to possible child abuse (if they had to have a sex they didnt want) and or more
Child abandonement?! I think people can be selfish when it comes
To a particular sex to go as far as to abort.
I was told I wouldn’t have a baby so a healthy
Baby was all I ever wanted!
loading...
I’d find out, but keep it a secret – I love knowing things before other people! I just hope I get there one day!
loading...
Pingback: Best Art Blog » Is it a boy or girl? Would you want to know? Mamamia
I’m pregnant with our first and we just found out this week that it’s a girl. We certainly didn’t mind whether it was a boy or girl but wanted to find out before we started organising the baby’s room and clothes etc. I’ve had a lot of trouble buying baby shower presents for friends who didn’t know the sex of their baby as there just isn’t enough nice, gender-neutral baby gear out there. It’s really only white and maybe if you’re lucky a bit of yellow.
I’m really enjoying knowing. Now rather than reffering to ‘the baby’ we can say her, she and our little girl. And Daddy-to-be is already calling her his little princess when he kisses my tummy to say good morning to her =)
After having only brothers and then sons, my Mother-in-law is super excited that it’s a girl and that she can buy all the gorgeous girl things she’s always dreamed of.
loading...
I always wanted a son – I have four daughters. We didn’t find out with #1, but did with #2 and #3. With #4 we didn’t find out but the US tech asked what we had and when I said three girls she said “oh”. So I kinda knew. 15 weeks later, at 36 weeks, I had a 3D and confirmed she was a she. I just couldn’t be disappointed at birth – and by finding out then I wasn’t. Our last labour was like it was from a story – rainy summer night, noone on the roads, water birth and perfect little baby born. We had two hours with her before anyone came to meet her and they were the two most divine hours of my life. So glad I got what I didn’t think I wanted.
loading...
I had my second baby 12 weeks ago. I didn’t want to find out either time although my husband would have liked to know. During our 20 week scan with baby number 2, I heard the sonographer say under her breath ‘I just need him to roll over’. Given that she’d been very careful to refer to him as ‘bubs’ for the rest of the scan, I was pretty sure she’d just given it away and was disappointed that the element of surprise had been somewhat reduced.
Our obstetrician held our sons up each time without saying a word so that we could see for ourselves – perfect!
loading...
I just *knew* I was having a girl with my first, we also had a baby girl name picked from when I was about 6 weeks pregnant and could not decide on a boys name.. Second time around we decided to find out even though I just *knew* I was having a boy this time, so at the 20 week ultrasound I wasn’t suprised when they said ‘there is the baby’s scrotum’ hehe.. It was also nice telling my daughter that she had a baby brother on the way…
loading...
I didn’t want to know what I was having because ‘I just knew’ I was having a girl. I made lots of gorgeous outfits etc and then of course I gave birth to a boy. lol. It still makes me laugh. I actually didn’t care what sex the child was and so long as we were all healthy, that’s all that mattered. I also didn’t want to know because I thought if things got tough towards the end of labour, the desire to finally get to know what was in there would keep me going….it did get tough, and it did keep me going. I’m such a ‘girly’ girl and ended up with two boys who are just lovely. I think finding out the sex of the child before birth is a really individual thing. I’m fine with people finding out or visa versa. For me, it was just more fun not knowing.
loading...
We have had 3 surprises.1 boy and 2 girls. I don’t regret it, although I strongly felt I was having a girl when we had no 3 and I was right. Hubby really wanted surprises and I was happy to go along. I’ll always remember the expression and surprise on his face when he announces the sex as they are born. Everyone has reasons why or why they don’t find out.
loading...
I remember so clearly my husbands face when we had our first as we didnt find out the sex and I had to have an emergency caesar, he stood up and looked over the curtain as the baby came out and I held my breath looking at him while he was trying to see the baby’s bits, felt like it took forever for him to tell me ‘ITS A GIRL’ with a big smile on his face..
loading...
I cant wait for this moment! 10 (ish!) weeks and counting!
loading...
We have found out the sex both times – I had a miscarriage before having my son, and felt that knowing the sex would help me bond with him and connect with the pregnancy more – which it did. Second time around (due in 10 sleeps!), and we found out again – another boy.
I must admit, I was surprised, and although not disappointed we are having another boy, but the way I look at it, slightly disappointed for what we won’t be having (a girl), as I always thought I would have a girl, similar to columnist!
loading...
We chose not to find out the sex of our baby…had to have emergency caesarian…midwife announced “It’s a boy”…we named him Euan…30 seconds later…midwife annouced she had made a mistake…it was a girl !
loading...
I found out with 2 of my girls (child nos 1 and 4), but not my son or second girl. It was actually driven by having trouble picking girls names (the boys names were chosen) and wanting to make the choice.
loading...
I had an amniocentesis with both pregnancies and found out I was having girls. For us, it was never an option to NOT find out!
We referred to our babies as “she” and “her” and were happy to share the wonderful news. I was taken aback when people got annoyed about us telling them the sex. My reply was “well, you get pregnant then!”. Seemed ridiculous that people felt they had enough ownership of the pregnancy to make such a request.
loading...
I had an amniocentesis at 17 weeks with both my pregnancies and found out both times…both girls!
I was happy to tell anyone the sex and referred to the babies as “she” and “her”. I did have some people say “oh, don’t tell me, I want a surprise!”. Well, you get pregnant then! The decision to get pregnant was mine, the decision to find out the sex was mine and th decision to divulge was mine.
loading...
I’m actually kinda hoping that my kids, when they happen, turn out the same sex, just so I can appreciate their individual personalities and keep being reminded that they shouldn’t be solely defined by what’s between their legs.I’m the second youngest of four girls and once they realized they were never getting a son my parents started to give my sisters and I a lot more freedom to express ourselves.
loading...
I have four daughters and this really resonates with me. My girls can do whatever they want. Genitalia is just that. But I think it does sometimes take numerous kids of same sex to realise how true that is. Personality is the essence of us all.
loading...
I was adamant the first two times that I didn’t want to know. We had a beautiful girl first, then a gorgeous boy who happens to have Down syndrome. Third time round I didn’t want any surprises so I opted to find out. When I learnt it was a girl I thought she would be a carbon copy of her older sister. Although they look very similar their personalities are vastly different. As always on mamamia – it’s a personal choice. Good luck to everyone who is expecting. It’s a wonderful, miraculous time.
loading...
we found out both times and i think it was the best thing ver as we knew who was coming along and we also started calling the babies by their names… i don’t get when people say “no, i don’t want to find out, i want a surprise!” we get a surprise anyway, just earlier. in saying that, i totally respect people’s opinions on the matter. we had a beautiful time expecting our boys and i think that is what matters the most. good luck to all pregnant ladies out there!
loading...
I’m having my first baby, a little boy in 3 and half weeks!!!! Yaaaahh
I’d always wanted a boy first, but then leading up to our scan I started fantasising about playing with barbie and dolls and clothes shopping with a little girl.
Needless to say I was a teeny bit disappointed, but to see my husbands eyes light up and know baby was all okay was a beautiful experience I’ll never forget.
I’ve just had to adjust my thinking a bit and will have defer to my husband for advice on boys play time and toy shopping!
loading...
I ‘knew’ I was having a girl and the ultrasound confirmed that. I would have been happy with a boy though…after losing my baby’s twin all I wanted was a healthy baby at the end.
My sister in law was pregnant at the same time…number eleven (all boys) and was desperate for a girl…..she kept going until she got one at number 14.
I have no regrets about knowing although if for some reason they had got it wrong and baby had been a boy he would have been wearing pink for a long time!
loading...
Your SIL is one persistent woman.
loading...
Omg! 14 kids! 2 are my limit.
loading...
14 – are you kidding? I never understand why some would keep having babies (especially that many) just to get a particular sex. I know this is judgemental but I think that 14 is too many children, no matter what your circumstances.
loading...
I think that if they are all loved and cared for, physically and emotionally, then the number shouldn’t matter.
There are only children out there who don’t get the love and care they deserve.
loading...
I would argue that you cannot possibly give 14 children the time and energy that a child needs. I agree with what you say about only children, but I don’t think that just because other children miss out on love and care that it lends any weight to your arguement. I also think that popping out children that many children for the purpose of getting one of a particular sex is wrong.
loading...
I can see how there are advantages to larger families. I’m the youngest of 2, while my husband is the oldest of 5. In a whole range of ways in our relationship and our parenting, it is obvious that I’m often more comfortable being ‘babied’, while he is far more likely to be independent, and practically caring for the young / sick / vulnerable.
Bear in mind that there’s a huge age spread in large families. It’s not like the house is full of 14 toddlers! (Except for IVF multiples) The oldest are adults by the time there’s that many…
loading...
I am almost 28wks pregnant and we did not find out the sex of our baby. We both felt that because there was no medical reason and it is our first bub we really don’t care what we have, to be honest.
I know lots of people who are due around the same time as me, about 8 other couples, (including my bro and SIL) and my husband and I are the only ones who didn’t find out the sex. It doesn’t matter to me if people do or don’t it’s just personal preference. We seem to be in the minority though.
loading...
I always thought i wouldnt find out the sex of my baby before it was born – but then when i was pregnant i was starting to lean towards finding out, but my hubby wanted a surprise. but then at 16wks my ob did a scan and just said oh i think its a boy – without asking if we wanted to know – so then we thought we may aswell have it confirmed at the 20wk scan.
id probably find out again if we can have a second one, the temptation is just too overpowering… but at the same time, i still love the idea of not knowing until the baby is in your arms
loading...
Weren’t you cranky with the OB? I would have been!
loading...
Every time close friends/family have found out and opted not to tell everyone – hubby always slips up with a “he” or “she” in the conversation. Has happened to both my sisters-in-law.
I opted not to find out for all 3 of mine. Each time the OB let us discover for ourselves in the precious seconds after bub was brought up into my arms.
loading...
I was desperately hoping for a girl (we left it a surprise) and then at 35 weeks I woke up bleeding profusely and was rushed to hospital with a suspected placental abruption. It was the most teriffying time in my life the ambulance ride to hospital, then feeling some relief when they found a heartbeat when we arrived and the most amazing elation and relief when I heard that cry after an emergency caeserean. So amazing that I didn’t even think to ask what the sex was and honestly couldn’t care less.
Our precious baby did end up being a girl (she’s now 5 months old and doing great) but nearly losing her made me realise how wrong I was to think that I would have been disappointed about the sex of my baby. To have a healthy baby really is so amazing and if I’m lucky enough to have another healthy child the sex will be the last thing I worry about.
I completely understand that people want a boy or a girl for various reasons and that is totally natural, but I think most who have lost or nearly lost a baby, or experienced infertility, will agree that the sex is really so irrelevant.
loading...
When we had our IVF twins we waited until the c-section to find out their sexes….we felt we had so much ‘intervention’ that we wanted to leave something ‘old fashioned’ to look forward to.
At our multiple birth ante-natal classes we were the only one out of 11 couples who didn’t find out the sex beforehand….everyone kept saying they needed to get prepared ….we reasoned that babies just need clothes to begin with and they can be white or any colour!
Well you can imagine the anticipation in the theatre….a girl was delivered first then after 2 minutes a boy arrived! all the staff let out a collective ‘ahhh the pigeon pair!’….we just felt blessed to have relatively healthy (7 weeks prem) babies, it didn’t matter what sex they were! Plus we got 2 ! (even more poignant that i had to have a hysterectomy months later)
I’m so glad we had that surprise of finding out their sex at birth- made those phone calls to family and friends so exciting-as their were three possible combos- but then telling their names as well. wouldn’t change that moment for the world- even though i’m normally such a ‘planner’, just wanted to be ‘spontaneous’ just once!
loading...
How timely. My best friend just had her first baby today. She didn’t find out the sex and I probably wouldn’t either (at least for my first). I had a feeling it was a girl… don’t know why.
And I was right! She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl this evening by c-section. It’s been hard though because she moved up to Brisbane at the beginning of this year.
I’m like you Lana although I don’t think people like to admit it or say they feel more inclined to have a baby girl or baby boy. I’ve always imagined I would have a baby girl… at least first anyway. I think I would be sad if I didn’t have a girl. I’ve always grown up with girls I don’t really know what to do with boys haha.
loading...
Ha ha, I used to think exactly like you. You know, leaning towards wanting a girl, wouldn’t know what to do with boys etc. Well, my boys are now 21 and 23 and they have been the joy of my life. Yes, I had to play trains and cars with them and many times I would have loved to be playing dolls but I still wouldn’t change them for anything. But you never know, I may get granddaughters one day.
loading...
Oh me too, thought I’d only really be good with girls, but oh gosh my little boy who is not quite 2 is soooooo adorable a real sweetheart, just so in love with him (he hasn’t hit the terrible two’s yet).. I have one of each and love them both dearly.
loading...
i found out today!! it’s a girl!
loading...
I don’t have children but it’s funny reading this article because 3 women I work with are currently pregnant and we were having this very discussion in the lunch room today! One of these women already had a daughter, was expecting to have a boy this time, but had just found out the night before from a scan that she was going to have another little girl. She said she wasn’t disappointed though, she just wanted the baby to be healthy. A second woman said that it was her first child and she’s not going to find out the sex until it’s born and that she doesn’t mind either way. The third woman said it was also her first child but she really wanted a girl and would be a little bit disappointed if it was a boy!
My mother didn’t know my sex until after I was born but she knew with my younger brother. Not sure why she made this decision, I should ask her some time!
loading...
I had to know what I was having. I had my baby boy on two weeks ago. Made the baby shower so much easier.
loading...
I’m just reading over some of the comments again, it’s been a few hours since I read the article, and like everyone else I got caught up in describing my decsion not to find out the gender of my baby. Now I am dumbfounded that we aren’t discussing the impact abortion based on gender potentially could have.
Creating a baby, let alone carrying it full term and have it come out healthy is such an amazing feat. I am amazed every time it actually turns out succesfully. To think that someone would terminate a pregnancy based on gender is beyond me. Thinking of some of my friends who have had abortions, I can’t imagine the emotions of a parent-to-be after realising they just gave up on such an incredible chance to create another human being – ‘just’ because they don’t want a pink bedroom…
loading...
I actually have a painting I’m trying to finish based on the selective abortion issue, (got caught up with a bad background) but it’s about the human genome project and testing where fetuses based on gender and other traits would be discarded.
I’m afraid the idea worked out too corny in presentation, but it has fetal cherubs over a body of water with female chromosomes floating in the sea.
loading...
My husband told me the gender of our babies after they were born, for me nothing beats that moment! As nice and as organised as I could have been if I knew while pregnant, I love that it was my hubby, and not a doctor or midwife who told me.
loading...
I’ve never heard of that happening before, but I think it’s just BEAUTIFUL!
loading...
That happened with our firstborn too. We didnt know the sex and while we both agreed on a boys name, we couldnt agree on a girls name. My husband wanted one name, I wanted another name. When she was born (after a very long labour resulting in emergency c-secion) my husband passed her to me and said ‘meet xxx’. He chose my favourite name, it was beautiful and thats how I found out it was a girl ! So I chose his favourite name for her middle name.
loading...
I totally agree with you, i have 6 weeks to go until our #3 is born and as with our first two, my hubby was the one that told me the sex, best feeing ever!
loading...
When my first child was born I had my eyes closed (don’t ask) and all I can really remember is my husband’s indrawn breath and him saying “it’s a boy”. Well, my eyes flew open “a boy?” “Yes” he said, “it’s a boy”. Such a great moment and so totally burned in my memory. We didn’t care what we had but that moment when you find out on that day is magic.
loading...
We found out the sex of our first two babies (boys) and chose not to find out with the third. My rationale was that if it was a 3rd boy people would be ‘disappointed’ for me, whereas I rationaled there’s no disappointment to be had once a beautiful newborn is in someone’s arms! Well, another boy, announced at delivery by his Dad – “guess what Luce, we have a Samuel James!”. My reaction was of course we do!! Looking back now I think I knew he was a he, and my then 4yo was adamant he was a he, I was actually worried more about his reaction if he was a she! And yes, Bec, it was such a very unique and special experience for my husband to announce the arrival of his 3rd son that I am so glad we waited for the surprise!
loading...
Same with us! Both times. It was my husband who looked and announced what we had. And both times, it was a good few minutes after the arrival while we were all cuddling.
loading...
I did not find out for either of my girls..I wanted some suprise after all that effort ….
My mother-in-law thought i was being mean to her because I did not want to know ?????……she also said I would have boys because I have such big hips…
I love the suprise of finding out what someone had, and the name, rather than knowing it 2 months before the baby is born.
loading...
lol i had to laugh at that ‘she also said I would have boys because I have such big hips…’
does having big hips help the boy sperm swim faster or something?
what a peculiar thing to say!
loading...
have had 3 babies – first two were surprises, 3rd one we found out the sex.
just as exciting either way but 3rd time was great to be able to buy clothes ahead of time as much less time to shop with 2 others under 6 to look after!
loading...
I’m 25 weeks pregnant with bub#3 and already have a boy and girl. I didn’t find out the sex with the first two as I LOVE the anticipation and speculation. I was much more tempted this time so I could get rid of either all the blue or pink clothes but I resisted. I’m having a scheduled caesarian and the only thing that will get me through having a needle put in my back is the “reward” that I’ll finally get to know what I’m having! I actually don’t like when friends tell me what they’re having in advance because then when the baby arrives it’s not as exciting. And if it’s pre-named too it’s just like, oh Ethan has arrived. Rather than it’s a boy, his name is…..etc etc! 13 weeks to go!
loading...
I don’t have kids yet, but I don’t think I’d find out-I feel like not knowing might be provide the final impetus when the labour gets really tough!
I’ve been reading all these comments about people asking people with a baby of one sex if they’re hoping for the other and it occurred to me that if my mum had had a pigeon pair, I wouldn’t have my gorgeous sister. And if my boyfriend’s mum hadn’t had a third boy I wouldn’t have him. So I’m all for single sex families
loading...
I am pregnant with my second and am enjoying the suspense and anticipation of another ‘surprise’ in terms of the baby’s sex.
I think that’s what people mean when they say they like the surprise: they like the longer period of ANTICIPATION (this is in response to the people who have commented that they don’t understand this rationale because it’s a surprise whenever you find out).
I am probably going to offend some people but I find it rather… interesting… when people tell you that they know the sex of their baby, but aren’t telling anyone. I don’t really understand why they do this. They want everyone else to have the surprise that they didn’t want for themselves?
I guess some people might do it to avoid comments from people saying “oh another boy, are you disappointed?” but it seems that people will say this even after the birth (going on some of the comments I’ve read below).
In saying that, I’m probably being a hypocrite because I refuse to disclose our favourite baby names before the birth of our babies. This is because I’ve found that people seem to feel free to comment (negatively) on and veto your favourite baby names if the baby hasn’t been born yet.
loading...
I don’t see a problem with witholding the name, just don’t tell people you’ve picked one!
Its not just the comments. My aunty told a friend of hers that she liked Grace as a name, the friend said that it was a bit too traditional for her, but 8 weeks later she had her baby and called her Grace! She actually took the name after saying she didn’t like it!
loading...
Oh definitely. We don’t tell anyone we’ve picked names…
which is easy because we honestly haven’t!
We are going to do the same thing as last time: go into the birth with our short-short list of names and pick the one that we feel suits the baby the best once the baby is born. I am hoping (!) to have a boy and a girl middle name finalised prior to birth but that’s proving problematic!
loading...
We pretty much have our names picked out too, but not telling anyone (mum knows though). We just keep saying we haven’t decided yet and with the both of us being teachers there are so many names we wouldn’t use.
loading...
My first was a boy – a complete surprise since I was convinced he was a girl. Apparently I have crap mothers’ intuition! I didn’t want a girl over a boy or anything, I just “felt” he was a girl. Anyway, I suffered severe PND a few months after he was born and fell pregnant sooner than we anticipated with our second child. Because I was still PND, working, caring for a toddler and generally forgetting I was pregnant half the time, I decided to find out the sex as I didn’t feel the same bond with the pregnancy. With my son I spent hours talking to my belly, writing him a journal, thinking what he would be like. With my second, I usually only remembered I was pregnant when all the housework was done, son was bathed/played with/changed/fed, work was finished and I had half an hour to myself. I didn’t think that was fair to the new baby so we found out. And I am so glad I did – as soon as they told me the sex, I named her and felt like I knew HER. I wasn’t more or less thrilled or disappointed in any way, I just felt connected.
I personally don’t understand the idea of gender disappointment (not because I have both – I’d always thought I would have three girls, like my mother did and was happy with that) and I tend to sit in the “be thankful you’re having a healthy baby” camp. However I certainly acknowledge that it exists and try not to discuss it with people who DO desperately want one sex or the other. In all honesty it makes me cross when I know so many people who can’t have any babies; but I try to remember that I can’t feel someone else’s feelings. And those feelings are valid no matter how much I might disagree.
Yes, I love my son and my daughter. But honestly, they could have been hermaphrodite octopi and I would have loved them just as I do.
loading...
I decided to find out due to the fact I was an older first time mum and knew I was only going to have one child
I really wanted a boy as I am a complete tomboy and couldn’t imagine fairy costumes and tea parties but rather footballs and cars
Had a beautiful boy and still can’t imagine having a girl. I’m sure I would have survived
loading...
I had my first scan at 8 weeks today! Everything wonderful
And I will never ask the gender of my baby till the minute they arrive into this world.
A girl at work, who knows about my miscarriage earlier this year ( http://www.withoutpeanut.com ) is about a month behind where I was. She found out she was having a girl, she already has a 20 month old son, and is still disappointed a month later. It makes me really angry, actually. I’ll happily take that girl off her hands if she can’t be happy about it.
Surely for people like this, if you don’t find out and get ridiculously disappointed, you will be happy with whatever you’re given when they put a healthy baby into your arms?
loading...
Congratulations Kate, how exciting!! I read your blog a few months ago- I am crossing everything for you that all goes well with Peanut’s sibling- all the best. xo
loading...
Ohhhh Kate you are pregnant! I’m so happy for you.
loading...
Congratulations Kate that’s so exciting!!!!!!!! Keep us updated!!
loading...
I had to have an amnio during my first pregnancy (triple test came back highly positive) and when the nures gave me my results- all clear- she also inadvertently told me the sex- a boy. My hub was determined not to know, so I kept it a secret from him for the next 20 weeks… luckily we had already decided earlier in the pregnancy to refer to the baby as “he” because we both hated “it”. Not telling him was tough, and I had to hide the blue stuff I’d bought- but I’ll admit I liked knowing. I’m a control freak, and it helped me prepare.
Two years later I elected not to find out the sex of my second baby- hub had looked so surprised and thrilled in the delivery room with number 1 I wanted that too. My obs had told me she was 95% sure I was having a boy because the baby was so big (over 9lbs at 36 weeks)… but she was wrong.
Honestly, I loved knowing and I loved not knowing- but I honestly didn’t care either way for either child. We were infertile for many years and I was just so pleased to welcome them at last.
loading...
I found out the sex of my second child by mistake also. There was an ultrasound trainee from PNG and she was told not to reveal sex as per my wishes. She was then left alone and immediately told me I was having a girl (first child was a boy). I’ve got to say that I was so excited! No less than finding out the sex of my first at birth. I then was able to secretly buy pink things on sale (hidden from husband as he didn’t want to know). I loved looking forward to seeing my daughter!
loading...
i assumed I was having a boy, and was so convinced of this that I kept calling the baby “he” for several days after she was born.
The option to find out is such a modern problem. You’ll find out in good time… why rush through one of the best things that will ever happen to you?
loading...
We didn’t find out the first time (boy) but decided to find out the second time. My only regret is telling people who asked (which was everyone) that we were expecting another boy. They’d say “oh” in that “poor you” voice with a little pout “another boy”. Now that I have two boys I am constantly being asked if we will try for another just so we can get a girl. Does it not occur to people that I love having two boys? Same clothes and toys and I get to yell out “boooys” instead of “kiiiiiiddds”. A friend was due the same time as me the second time and when she found out she was having a second boy she reportedly cried for weeks which I thought was horrible. At least keep it to yourself if you are disappointed!
loading...