‘I’m glad my kid aren’t fat.’
by ALANA HOUSE
OK, there, I’ve said it. So shoot me.
It feels like some shameful secret I’m supposed to hide – my joy that my children have strong, lithe, healthy bodies.
When I enter my local aquatic centre, I shudder at the size of some of the kids in their cossies. I murmur a prayer of thanks that mine aren’t carrying all those spare tyres.
Yet.
Don’t get me wrong – I wouldn’t love my children less if they were large. They will always be my sweethearts, no matter what. And I will always foster their self-esteem, no matter what. But I really hope – for their sakes – that they stay thin.
Perhaps “thin” is the wrong word. It’s been bastardised to mean size sub-size-zero celebrities tottering down beaches in bikinis with every rib clearly showing.
What’s the word I’m looking for then? One that means “not fat” … whatever it is, that’s what I want my kids to stay.
I wish “thin” hadn’t become such a corrupted, dirty word. It’s the way nature/God had in mind when it/he/she created us. He/she meant us to be lean, mean fighting machines, not sweating, shuffling mounds of fat.
Australia is one of the fattest nations in the world – fourteen million Aussies are overweight or obese – yet we encourage our children to embrace their shape, no matter what.
I have difficulty stomaching articles like “Making the case for size acceptance”, which makes dubious points like “fat people eat the same as thin people”. I’m sure they do sometimes, there are medical conditions that mean obesity is unavoidable. Or Plus-size bodies what is wrong with them anyway? with its outrage that “50% of women wear a size 14 or larger, but most standard clothing outlets cater to sizes 14 or smaller”.
I think they’re missing the scary point. If weight gain continues at current levels, by 2025, close to 80% of all Australian adults and a third of all children will be overweight or obese according to a study by Monash University. Obesity has overtaken smoking as the leading cause of premature death and illness in Australia. It causes diabetes, heart, stroke and vascular diseases.
“My kids eat junk.”
Health disorders in children like type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, asthma, hypertension and sleep apnea can be directly attributed to childhood obesity.
Sure, there’s a fine line you walk with kids when it comes to promoting positive body image. The last thing you want is them to develop an eating disorder or become paranoid about every mouthful they eat. It’s important they don’t decide natural curves are ugly and skeletal is beautiful. Because it’s not. Starving yourself isn’t cool, thinking food is the enemy isn’t healthy.
But food isn’t your best friend either. Its purpose isn’t company, comfort and consolation.
I’m careful not to be a nazi about my children’s diets. They eat junk. We inhaled an outrageous amount of rocky road at the airport yesterday. Airports are temples of junk. Outrageously expensive junk at that. But generally I try to teach them the value of moderation and the benefits of exercising.
It bothers me that I’m not being a good role model for them right now. I’m about 10kg overweight, I guess. I’m too scared to stand on the scales to confirm it. And I know exactly why I’ve gained weight. I’ve been eating too much fatty food, drinking too much wine and blogging instead of exercising. Full stop. Simple as that.
Last night we ate gnocchi with gorgonzola sauce for dinner (the cupboards were bare after a weekend in Melbourne) and drank a bottle of pinot gris. It was an evilly delicious treat for the tastebuds, but not so crash-hot for the waistline.I know if I ate less rubbish and did more exercise I’d feel better, physically and emotionally.
I don’t want to be coddled about my size. I don’t want plus-sized models in my magazines, showing me how to fashionably clothe my expanses and making me think it’s acceptable to have let my girth expand. I don’t want people telling me I look fine just the way I am. I don’t want to become complacent about being 10kg overweight. I don’t want to start thinking it’s normal.
Because it’s not. I want those extra 10 kilos gone. Not because of societal pressure to be thin or media manipulation, but for my health, my family and me.
If that means no more gnocchi with gorgonzola sauce for a while, it’s a fair price to pay.
I’ve said it sooooo many times before, but I really mean it now. Said the woman who meant it last time …
This post was originally published on Alana’s blog here and has been republished with full permission.
Alana House is a blogger, mum and chook enthusiast. Follow her on Twitter (erratically) at twitter.com/AlanaHouse and visit her blog where she writes much more often at: housegoeshome.com
How do you approach weight issues when it comes to your children?
Comments
326 Comments so far
I’d say I’m fairly healthy. I’ve been active my whole life- softball, karate, soccer, waitressing for an extremely busy sports bar (anyone who has done it can tell you how active it is). I jog regularly with my dog in the mornings. I eat fruits and veggies, only drink water, don’t eat much fried food.
Oh, and guess what. I’m fat. And not just a little fat, but medically “morbidly obese”. And I’ve been this way since I was 13.
The issue shouldn’t be if your kids are fat, it should be if they’re healthy and happy. How sad for your children that the thing you’re glad for isn’t their joy, but something society deems acceptable.
And another thing, I don’t need you to “shudder” at the sight of me. I know I’m fat. I’ve accepted it, and after many years, I’m okay with it. I have a (thin) husband, ex-military, who loves me this way and tells me all the time how beautiful I am. If I don’t have a problem with my weight, and neither does he, why should your opinion matter?
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Obesity is a huge burden on the health system already and it seams is only going to worsen. The demand for treatment of obesity related diseases and complications is on the increase in a health system that is already failing to meet demand. I think the big picture needs to be addressed and individuals need to stop taking offence when this issue is tackled.
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I’m fat. I’m 18 years old, and I’m fat. And no, I’m not being insecure and only a few kilo’s overweight. I’m nearly 90kgs, and I have stretch marks on my thighs and stomach. I hate it more than anything. But you know what, at the moment there’s nothing I can really do about it.
I feel ashamed and embarrassed for my family when I go out in public with them. My parents are both of a healthy weight, and my brother is 6’4″ and a stick insect. I feel like I’m the odd one out and it’s truly a horrible feeling.
But back to me not being able to do anything about it. I have just had my second knee surgery and am stuck in a knee brace for 3 months. And before you say anything, these surgeries are as a result of sporting injuries, not my weight. But not only is it that, I have a health condition that causes weight gain. Before my surgery I exercised every day, within the constraints of my injury. I eat healthy foods. Most days I’ll have cereal, a bit of fruit, salad for lunch, yoghurt, and whatever gets put on the table for dinner, which, if you knew my mother, is always healthy.
So what am I meant to do? Walk around holding a sign that tells people why I’m fat? No. But I tell you what, sometimes I’m tempted to. People need to understand that weight issues aren’t always a result of overeating and under exercising.
Reserve your judgement.
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“I’m sure they do sometimes, there are medical conditions that mean obesity is unavoidable”
I saw this as Alana reserving her judgement (like you tell her to) in this case, which she addresses in the article.
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Well….. You know it – but when you read such articles, it hits you in the face. I too wish i had a thin, tall, sleek young child – but I don’t. She has been “CHUBBY” since 4 weeks old. Never having lost the baby-fat that is cute whilst a baby, but not so cute when 5 yrs old. My child has treats like all others, no more no less. The big difference i can see is that she actually EATS a meal. (healthy) She doesn’t push her food around the plate at dinner time, she actually Eats! so, I ask myself multiple times a day – why? She swims near every day, does lesson twice a week. Plays soccor, and we ride out bikes alot. She is forever out in the backyard with the dog – we are always skipping (to try and ensure we’re great at it)…. So, those with their opinions and ‘adult’ thought processes and obvious prejudice….. TELL ME WHAT TO DO. I do more activities (physical) with my child, than her school class combined!!!! (all medical issues have been checked out). I will no doubt know who you are when my lovely, bright and adorable daughter and I go to the local swim-centre…. You’ll be the one judging us on the other side of the pool (with your already stuck-up and opinionated children close by)
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This is me!!! I am overweight due toa bad diet and inconsistent exercise routine, every day for the last 3 months, I have gone to bed thinking “tomorrow, I’ll start tomorrow” to wake up to a healthy breakfast followed by lunch and a bag of chips andbhandful of lollies. I am the first one to say to my kids ” get something healthy” when they ask for a snack, yet don’t follow my own rules. I have tried all the diets, and failed. I know I need to do this, but I am really bad at it. No will power at all!! Help!!
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LOL – you sound like me. I was thin forever thanks to smoking, but ever since I quit I have a problem at lunch times. I have a nice lunch, but then have to follow it with chocolate pods and then chips and before I know it I’ve splurged big time.
I’ve recently lost most of what I gained thanks to my special diet (tub yoghurt for breakfast, tuna salad for lunch and whatever for dinner – but no snacks or desserts…you lose weight so fast, feel really healthy and it takes forever to pile back on), but I’ve found that I just can’t do without the choc pods at lunch. So I decided to skip the lunch bit. I can do without a sandwich or noodles or whatever I have whilst the kids are asleep, but I need my pods!
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Great video in fat bullies.
http://www.upworthy.com/bully-calls-news-anchor-fat-news-anchor-destroys-him-on-live-tv?g=4
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*on* fat bullies.
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the obesity epidemic has not occurred because people’s genetics have changed. people have begun to eat more processed food, with higher caloric value for both volume and nutrients. its full of fat, salt and sugar which makes the body crave it more. on top of this we have adopted a more sedentary life style meaning we use less fuel which all in all makes us fat!
I have read some of the comments below and I am astounded by some of the misleading ‘facts’ that people accept as truth. Some of them are from the diet companies who want to make money, some from the people who want to feel better about their extra weight, and some are just pure bullshit!! seeing all the things that people believe I’m hardly surprised that there is an obesity epidemic.
Fact is that you should be happy your kids are thin, because kids are meant to be just that. Their BMI should naturally sit at a level which would be underweight for an adult. the problem with fat kids, is that most of the time they become fat adults, and then often have fat kids them self!
Obesity is a big issue (mind the pun) being obese or overweight can result in a number of diseases. looking at the personal impact of this there is a shorter life, with less things achieved due to the shorted period of good health. if you look at the community or country the greater disease and reduced productivity associated with obesity is such a strain on the health care system! And please don’t start saying that your over weight and in perfect health, good for you! think of your health like a lottery, but you don’t want to win this lottery. Every disease has different numbers (risk factors) but there are also many numbers that over lap, being over weight is one of the numbers, just like smoking, eating high saturated fat and not exercising. having any of these risk factors doesn’t mean you will get any complications, but you are a lot more likely to.
And I say all of this as someone who has overcome genetics and disease to be healthy, and now I’m studying to help others do the same.
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Childhood obesity is a serious health problem and one I feel should be talked about. If people are more aware of the seriousness of obesity then maybe some effective strategies to tackle this issue can be found. The current way of dealing with it is not working, obesity is only increasing world wide and children are becoming obese at a younger age.
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I got my facts and figures from here …
http://www.modi.monash.edu.au/obesity-facts-figures/obesity-in-australia/
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I think this is incredibly narrow. I have 2 daughters whose body shapes and metabolisms are completely different. One is the classic stringbean, tall and lean and can eat whatever she wants and it doesnt make a difference. The other one is more of a solid/chubby shape and is prone to gain weight easily. My slim child takes after my mums side of the family, my more solid child my husbands side. Genetics play a big part here too. They have exactly the same diet and play sport weekly, plus training. I would never judge another person because of their childs weight (unless they lived on junk food) because its not always as black and white as it seems.
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My sister and I are like this. I’m the lean one, and I’ve actually had to work hard to put ON weight, whereas my sister is a heavier build and is prone to weight gain a lot more easily.
However diet plays a huge part. My sister is WAY more active than me, playing sports whereas I don’t. I don’t think this is a genetic thing though, because when she eats healthily for an extended period of time I notice the change in both her weight and her skin. When she eats unhealthily however, I notice it too.
Just a difference point of view
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Ietrained extremely overweight kids, some as young as 8. It is an epidemic, it does have health consequences, it does affect their self esteem. But it’s also none of your business unless it’s your child.
Society at large doesn’t need to have an opinion on this, because your health, (and your kids), is 100% your responsibility. The facts are these;
Obesity can lead to a myriad of health problems. So can an unhealthy lifestyle.
Increased body mass,particularly around the abdomen, is a serious health risk, whatever your lifestyle is.
BUT
We really don’t need to comment on people’s size whatever their age. How arrogant to think that anything we might say to an individual might spur them into changing their lifestyle. The fact is they are probably aware of their size, painfully so. It’s not coddling, you just don’t need to comment. It isn’t the responsibility of society to be the angel on everyone else’s shoulder.
Acceptance is absolute. Accept people for who they are and leave the rest up to the individual.
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this is the best comment i have seen on here in forever. 100% agree with everything you said.
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“For some reason, we are truly convinced that if we criticize ourselves, the criticism will lead to change. If we are harsh, we believe we will end up being kind. If we shame ourselves, we believe we end up loving ourselves. It has never been true, not for a moment, that shame leads to love. Only love leads to love.”
― Geneen Roth
Alana, if you have tried many times to lose weight and haven’t succeeded, then your weight gain is most definitely not as simple as a case of too much food, wine and not enough exercise.
If you are linking your weight to your self worth and labelling yourself abnormal and unacceptable then I think the chances of you losing weight and keeping it off long term are low.
I could say so, so much more on the topic, but I will leave it at that.
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judge not.
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I don’t need science or a doctor to tell me fat = unhealthy and uncomfortable. I feel my best when I’m at a reasonable weight for my body type and height. This allows me to do things I want to do in my life, and to feel good about myself. I want the same for my kids
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Slightly off topic but I grew up with a mum who NEVER dieted, NEVER talked about having to lose weight and NEVER openly talked about her 4 daughers very different body shapes. Yes she was of Italian heritage and loved Sofia Loren etc for their womanly curves but most importantly confidence. I intend to do the same with my daughter.
I recently went shopping with a “new” group of friends and it was the most painful experience. All I heard was “my thighs are too big”, “I can’t show my fat tuckshop arms” etc. People that are fixated on their weight and appearance and talk about it constantly bore me to tears!!
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Without all the emotive content, the real issue of the article is that it is a distinct disadvantage to be fat. Pick up a 20kg bag of potatoes, put it in a backpack, and carry it around for a whole day. Simple. I never wanted this disadvantage for my own children and concur completely with the sentiments of the article. The particular discomforts experienced by fat people have been well expressed in the various ads. for weight loss on TV and need not be repeated here.
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I think that when we form our ideas of what a condition is or isn’t like from ads for a product to “cure” the condition, our ideas are likely to wind up more than a little skewed. Of COURSE the ads make out that being fat is the most horrible condition ever — if they didn’t, you wouldn’t buy whatever they’re selling to fix it, and they’d lose their share of a multi-billion-dollar industry. These are the same people who tell you that opening a jar unaided is painful, peeling a boiled egg is impossible, and God forbid you sit on a couch and feel a little chilly — without a blanket with sleeves, you’ll quite clearly freeze to death! Their entire job is to create a perception of a problem so that they can then tell you their product will fix it. (Even if it really doesn’t.)
In the case of weight loss in specific — the truth is, we do not have a reliable way to turn a fat person into a thin one, long term. Not with Weight Watchers, not with Jenny Craig, not with the South Beach diet, not with Atkins or cabbage soup or “lifestyle changes” like slow food. All of them work short term, but all of them fail for all but a tiny fraction of the population long term, so much so that those same ads have to tell you they’re lying: “results not typical.” That being the case, I wish we could get over fat bodies vs thin bodies, and start focusing on actual health factors that we can actually control: half an hour a day of exercise, enough sleep, getting adequate amounts of food, eating vegetables, not smoking, drinking in moderation. Those things are all tied to all the same awful diseases we associate with being fat (even though there isn’t a single disease that fat people get that thin people don’t also get) and a fat person who gets those things right, even if they never lose weight, is healthier than a thin person who doesn’t.
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Diets don’t fail. People fail. You have to change your diet forever, that is why it is called a lifestyle change.People need to realise that a diet is simply what you eat – and if you change it for the better, PERMANENTLY, the weight will not come back, unless there is an underlying medical issue.
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When your intervention — whatever your intervention — has a greater than 90% failure rate, whether it just didn’t work or people couldn’t stick to it … that’s a BAD INTERVENTION. The most reliable long-term outcome of dieting is weight gain. If you were looking for treatment for asthma or diabetes or a heart murmur and the doctor looked at you and said “we have this option, but it works less than ten percent of the time and if it doesn’t work it’s likely to make things worse than if you hadn’t tried it” … would you try it?
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great article – couldnt agree more
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Well this has been an interesting discussion! A lot of people are getting defensive because they have more than one child and they are all built differently, so how can we tell why some kids are fat and some are not? I think we just have to try not to be so precious and acknowledge that the overwhelming majority of very overweight or obese children are so because they overeat and underexercise. No-one is suggesting that we all can’t be different shapes and sizes. Some kids are definitely a more stocky build or carry a little bit of puppy fat, but we are talking about extremely overweight children here, not kids carrying a little extra. Of course as a parent you are going to be happy if your children aren’t extremely overweight. Of course we know they are healthier if they are not obese. Of course we know they are less likely to be targeted for bullying if they are not obese. Of course we want to give our children the best start and the healthiest role modelling we can.
I think most people have just gotten their knickers in a not because someone said it out loud. I’d be happy if my children didn’t have disabilties too, or learning disorders, or a chronic illness. Because I do not want them to suffer hardship. Yes children with all those things can become functioning adults and develop resilience, but as a parent of course you are glad if they don’t have to go through it. That is no different to being glad your children aren’t obese.
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Should the focus not be on HEALTH instead of weight? I exercise and eat well because I believe I am the ultimate role model for my kids on how to have a HEALTHY lifestyle. Oh yes, they still eat junk…almost every day. But they will never be fat or unhealthy while they are kids and I hope that I’ve instilled enough values about the enjoyment an active healthy life brings to ensure they don’t become UNHEALTHY when they are independent people.
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FACT: The costs of managing obesity are much greater than previously believed. In May 2012, the U.S. Institute of Medicine estimated the annual cost of obesity-related illness in the U.S. alone is more than $190 billion – equal to 21 percent of annual medical spending. Previous studies estimated 10 percent. Australia is not that far behind the US anymore on the obesity scales. So when people say their weight isn’t their business, they are wrong – the costs are enormous.
30 years ago you rarely saw overweight children – if you did, they stood out. Now they are common place.
Everyone needs to be be accountable for their lifestyle. If its not the appearance of weight that worries you, what about other heath implications? Check out the video by Dr Terry Wahls who cured her MS by moving to the Paleo diet. Amazing stuff.
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The most offensive thing about this article is the use of the word “Nazi”
The term nazi, used here oh so casually by the author in relation to the task of feeding her kids really belittles tragic events that occurred under a terrible regime. (I had to look twice at the sentence to make sure I wasn’t mistaken) Author and editors lift your game, there are plenty of non offensive adjectives to choose from.
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I think you need to take the context into consideration.
It’s a frequently used word/term in the modern vernacular and isn’t meant to convey any disrespect to what atrocities actually happened at the hands of the Nazi party.
Having a problem with this political correctness gone a bit overboard,
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You’re joking right?
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You wrote “I wish “thin” hadn’t become such a corrupted, dirty word. It’s the way nature/God had in mind when it/he/she created us. He/she meant us to be lean, mean fighting machines, not sweating, shuffling mounds of fat.” And how do you know this?
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It’s called Darwin’s theory of evolution. i.e. survival of the fittest.
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Actually evolution is making it hard for us these days. We evolved in circumstances of food scarcity and evolution encouraged us to be highly attracted to high calorie foods. Now in a time of abundant food we are finding it hard to adjust in a healthy way
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I disagree. We weren’t encouraged to be attracted to high calorie foods. We found out through trial and error which food gave us the most energy out of a range of meat, roots and berries. We eat too much crap now because it simply tastes good. After the shift to agriculture people were still often poor and just ate whatever they could get, often bread fried in dripping, potatoes and whatever vegetable/meat broth they could make up.And yes they may have seen calorie dense foods such as cake and roast banquets as being something to envy and a symbol of wealth, but we certainly haven’t evolved biologically. It is possible that some of us may have grown up with behaviours and attitudes from our parents like making us eat everything on our plate, which could be a residual effect. But it is not biological. People brought up in the same generation to make healthy food choices and only eat when hungry, generally have better eating habits as adults. And it is those people, who usually have better health that will have a better chance of outliving and reproducing than people who become obese. After all, obesity is a strong factor in causing infertility problems isn’t it?
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Just a sidenote:
In all this talk about weight etc, not just this article but others on MM, there seems to be very little awareness of the Government’s Measure Up campaign. ie the measuring of one’s waist as an indicator of fatness, as opposed to BMI, which can be flawed.
http://www.measureup.gov.au
ie waist measurements greater than 94cm (men) and 80cm (women) are associated with higher risk of certain diseases.
In our house, the kids (6, 5 & 3) have been told that Daddy needs to reduce his waist measurement to less than 94cm so that he is healthy. No use of the word fat, overweight or anything that can be value-laden. Just a simple goal that is, well, objective (in both senses of the word)
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The intense judgement littered throughout this post has moved me to comment on Mamamia for the first time. How unhealthy to seek self-validation through the misfortunes of others. I hope that your children do not gow up believeing that they are superior to those with weight issues, as it comes across in your article that you see yourself to be the superior parent to those with overweight children. It is a display of immense ignorance to think that your children lead a better quality of life because they are “thin”. Open your eyes to the real issues and express a bit of empathy and understanding and you will be all the better for it.
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That’s exactly how I felt about this article too.
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Agreed
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I have never seen so many overweight young people. Its frightening and horribly unhealthy. I’m not talking a few chubby kids, there are obese primary school kids everywhere now. How can anyone condone fat kids when it just sets them up for a host of health and self worth problems. Tell it like i
t is.
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One of the interesting things I saw (in god forbid) the Daily Mail, of all places, was pictures – now of Kate Moss – in the Heroin Chic days.
Back in the day, she looked un-naturally thin (what was it late 80s, early 90s?
As someone in the comments section said: She’s looked far healthier then when they were going for the drugged out skinny look than the models look today.
Food for thought for how perceptions change.
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Removing fat images from the media will not encourage weight loss. It does not help people realise this fat problem is a universal struggle so many people deal with. Visability might just lead to a bit of support, A bit of self esteem, a bit of motivation to work together to improve fitness.
Pretending fat people do not exist does nothing except increase the shame and last time I checked that wasn’t working to improve mental or physical fitness.
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While we’re on the topic of ‘things about body image/weight problems/etc that get to us’, here’s mine – describing ‘weight’ by dress size.
Your dress size for one is meaningless because of how different it is between brands, but also, is not an indicator of how much weight you carry. I am a really broad back and shoulders (I’m not that tall though) and so wear size 12 at a minimum, sometimes a 14 in jeans, but my BMI is about 21-22. Just because you have a stomach doesn’t mean you can’t fit a size 10 top over it if your frame is small enough…just sayin’
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I agree. I am tall and in the healthy weight range, yet my chubby petite girlfriend can fit into all the size 10 clothes I cant when we go shopping, which makes her feel great and makes me feel awful.
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All this talk about everyone being obese is crazy! I understand that a lot of people are quite overweight or obese and that serious health problems are likely to result, but I think people are far to harsh on who is seen as ‘fat’ or overweight. Not everyone can be a super slim, toned super model. Having a little extra never hurt anyone and the fact that someone who looks as healthy as “plus size” model Robyn Lawley, is such a shame and very depressing for many of us who, despite how fit we are or how healthy we eat just cant reach the super model look.
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A bit extra can hurt you- no is saying be super skinny bit even an extra 10kg can land you with blood pressure and increased risk of diabetes.
Each person is different. My husbands relatives are long living healthy obese people ( Granny- life long overweight lived to 92 in relative good health).
My family had healthier looking bodies but died decades sooner due to cardiovascular problems. Most people fit into my families catagory and need to watch their weight and exercise more to extend life and independence.
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A little extra, no, but when I’m overweight and 170cm, and kids weigh the same as me, that’s not cool. And weighing 140kg is not OK.
I haven’t heard one person suggest that everyone should look like a model. Not a one. I have heard (seen on this thread) people talk about how dangerous it is for your health both short term and long term, how it makes medical treatment more difficult for the patient and the medical staff…
Only supermodels can look like supermodels. That’s why they’re supermodels. But not being able to “reach the super model look” is no excuse for not trying to be the healthiest and fittest you can be.
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Your blatent assumptions that you know why these kids are ‘fat’ anoys the heck out of me. You have no right to judge at all, you are talking about strangers.
So very much depends on genetics and until you have 2 very different kids you cannot possibly understand.
I have one short stocky son & one tall stick like son. The taller is the younger and the less active.
No difference in food, if anything the younger has more cups of tea with donuts with Mum than the older as he is at school.
I despair of what the people at his big school will be thinking when my beautiful older boy goes to school and he’s a little less lithe than others.
You have no right to judge. When people think these things about others they normally do so to make themselves feel better than others.
I feel sorry for you it is very sad.
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Short and stocky is not the same as grossly overweight though. We are discussing the increase in the number of children that are very overweight or obese. Most of those children get to that stage because they are sedentary and overeating. Very few have medical problems.
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I’m glad my daughter doesn’t have a big nose. When I see little kids with big noses I shudder and think to myself “soo glad my kid has a cute nose”. I might try murmuring a prayer of thanks when next I see a kid with an unfortunate nose, like Alana does when she sees a fat kid. Or not.
I actually think I have hit the jackpot that my almost 3yo daughter is healthy, happy, walking, talking, and meeting her milestones. I am very proud that she knows up and down, front and back, happy and sad but doesn’t even know what fat and thin mean.
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Great comment!
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I think it’s a silly comment actually. A kid is born with it’s nose, the way it is. A child who becomes obese is not born that way. Unless that child has a rare genetic disorder making him or obese, then the weight has piled on because of poor diet, lack of exercise, poor examples of both of these set by the parents.
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A big nose doesn’t affect your health. And people compare themselves all of the time to other people, that’s why sayings like, ‘keeping up with the Jones” exist. In this case, the author is only speaking out loud a comparison that while, maybe a bit un-PC these days, is no different to other kinds of comparisons that people make with each other every day.
And people with big noses do get nose jobs. Or people with big ears get their ears pinned back. Right or wrong, people feel conspicuous when they look different. Why wouldn’t the author be pleased that her kids don’t have to know the sheer pain of self-awareness and self-loathing that comes with being overweight?
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I am seriously annoyed by this post. Last time I commented on the same issue, some ‘hippopotomous’ fat lady laid into me and so did the general mamamia community.. All I said was that I provided my kids with a balanced meal three times a day with occasional snacks and was WHIPLASHED with negative replies. My kids are all active and although not thin are no where near being overweight. I can’t belive that there could be so much angst over what should be normal.
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Part of the issue is that word “normal.” Normal changes from person to person, and every doctor will tell you there is truly no such thing. It’s a social construct we’ve put in place to make ourselves feel better – except it only makes SOME people feel better because it’s based in the idea that one group is superior to another via completely arbitrary standards.
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The “‘hippopotamus’ fat lady”? Really? I can’t imagine a decent human being who would say such a thing. Name calling is simply childish and unacceptable. Period. There is no excuse for such snide ugliness.
But you know what? No matter if you meant it to be offensive, Hippopotamuses are beautiful – and they are deadly strong. They eat what’s appropriate for them to eat, and they move their bodies appropriately for them. I would be proud to be called a hippopotamus. They are amazing animals. How sad for you that you cannot see their worth – or the worth of other human beings.
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You mis-understand, the woman that Susan is talking about calls herself a hippo (or something similar). So Susan isn’t being snide at all.
And I know exactly who she is talking about how she felt back then. I also commented that I put energy and effort into keeping my family healthy was laid into by hippo-lady as well.
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I think she was referring to the name the commenter was commenting under. Don’t jump the gun.
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Diva, that is what the person named herself. Calm down. The woman that tore into YCCMS, in contrast to an actual hippopotamus, I strongly doubt eats what is appropriate if she can compare herself to a hippopotamus.
I can’t imagine that a decent human being would have kids and subject them to becoming obese and setting them up for a restricted life, but people seem to claim this as their right too.
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This article seemed a bit unecessarily offensive(??) and made quite a few sweeping generalizations. My husband is a GP/nutritionist and our family are all healthy, happy and of a normal weight. However, every time he sees articles like this that are riddled with misinformation (’80% of aussie adults are overweight!!! all our kids are literally MONSTERS’) he tends to get quite annoyed. Mostly because he has spent his whole working life trying to educate people on how to stay healthy and the media seems to take the easy and ignorant approach to the issue which ends up harboring the exact opposite outcome to becoming happy and healthy (given the diet industry etc). As I am writing this he is telling me that the whole obesity ‘epidemic’ has been blown way out of proportion and is not nearly as dire as the media/general public are making it out to be. The BMI calculation was NEVER, I repeat, NEVER meant to be any sort of guide line or barometer of how healthy a person is or even how ‘fat’ (your words, not mine) a person is. Having excess weight is more often than not completely harmless as long as you still maintain a normal/high level of fitness and eat well. A person who is even moderately obese can be (and quite commonly is) just as healthy as a person who is of average weight IF they both live a relatively balanced life regarding food/exercise. Being overweight(and even mod obese) does NOT equal being unhealthy. The actual excess weight is a secondary issue that is more about aesthetics than health. The truth of the matter is, what you EAT and how often you EXERCISE are what leaves you in danger of developing liver disease, diabetes etc. I feel I need to capitalize what I’m about to say, just so people really get the point: IT IS NOT YOUR WEIGHT, IT IS YOUR HABITS. AND THERE ARE OFTEN OVERWEIGHT AND OBESE PEOPLE THAT ARE FIT AND HEALTHY. OFTEN. MORE OFTEN THAN NOT. That is a fact from the nutritionist himself, whether you want to believe it or not, it is a fact. And I would also like to point out that there is no credible evidence that suggests overweight/obese people are more susceptible to heart disease or cancer. There is SOME (not a lot) of evidence that suggests there is a link between obesity and liver disease/diabetes. Though a lot of the time it’s things like smoking/a poor diet/alcoholism/drug addiction that are the real cause of these. Thin /average sized people get cancer, heart disease, liver disease and even diabetes in roughly the same numbers as overweight people. Weight. Is. Not. The. Issue. And calling people fat and being disgusted by them, I think, is cruel and ignorant. And unhelpful!!! (just a relevant side note: the gov reports/monash reports on obesity and other ‘credible’ reports are often using the BMI calculations as their standard. It is a ridiculous gorge for whether you are healthy or not, “nutrition is a complex field!!!”- my husband whines, “and somebody should really tell the health minister!!!”). Just feed your kids well, make sure they exercise often; being overweight is absolutely no biggie for their health as long as they’re fit and eat lots of vegies. And don’t call people fat or treat them with disdain for god’s sake!! Seems a little unecessary!! Everybody- Let’s just try to be kind, happy, healthy and informed! Don’t sweat the tummy, it loves ya!
(just one last whine from my husband “..also god didn’t create us ALL to be lean and lithe, it’s just not true!”) (“..however if you ARE wheezing doing non-strenuous exercise I would suggest you are definitely unhealthy! weight is not the problem, your exercise regime certainly is though! have a banana, go for a run, and call my office in the morning.”)
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I applaud you.
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I love this comment! What a great rant (if I may call it that!).
I’m surprised, though, at your statement that obese people can be fit and healthy. I’m genuinely wondering how that is true. I know overweight people who are active and eat well, but of the obese people I know, all of them have fairly sedentary lifestyles and not the best diets. This is a genuine comment and I am not trying to be facetious. Do you think that obesity is not a health issue that needs to be addressed?
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I definitely DO think obesity is a health issue that needs to be addressed (fat gathers on organs, muscle/bone/joint strain, liver disease) and so does my husband, but the figures are severely distorted because of the use of BMI. Being moderately obese according to the BMI scale (and according to nutritionists who have checked all your stats) you CAN still be perfectly active and healthy. Obviously if you are moderately/morbidly obese (or any weight for that matter) and you eat garbage, never exercise, can barely walk 30 secs without wheezing, you are in very serious trouble and are likely to already have medical records that reflect that, eg diabetes, liver disease (this one seems to be fat specific I think) high cholesterol, heart disease, etc. or are very close to it. And to get more on point, my inclusion of healthy moderately obese people was a reflection of using the BMI standard of measurement. It makes a lot of people overweight/obese who ought not necessarily be there. I am definitely not trying to encourage people who are already living unhealthy lifestyles (obesity can be a side effect of a lack of exercise and nutrition!) to continue in that manner(at the end of the day it’s really none of my business though). What I want people to focus on is being healthy, not thin. You can be overweight and obese and still be healthy. You really can. As long as you are fit. As long as you eat well. I understand that obese people maybe eating more, but as long as it’s healthy and they exercise, it seems to not be such a big issue. I think what people really need to focus on in this whole debate is being HEALTHY, not villainizing the overweight and obese among us. The health risks are less about having excess weight and more about what eating a very poor diet does to your body. What a lack of exercise does to your body. It’s not so much the fat that makes you more at risk, it’s your poor lifestyle and thin people are afflicted with most of the obesity related ailments too. I really do think what’s really important in this debate (and is more helpful and honest) is focusing on nutrition and exercise, not obesity… and FIN! that took it out of me! Thanks for replying
Also I would like people to take everything I’m saying with a grain of salt (if you’re not already), I am not personally a nutritionist, my husband is, and he is at work at the moment so this is all my own info that I’ve picked up from him over the years. 
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I’ve been listening to a range of doctors/ scientists/ academics over the last week on ABC radio with Steve Austin who has been doing a special about obesity and all of them have contradicted what you are saying. Particularly about diabetes (type 2). Are they ALL wrong?
Also, the author didn’t say that 80% of people are overweight or obese. She said that’s the prediction.
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Was it only diabetes (type 2) that they were saying? Could they have been using ‘unhealthy’ and ‘obese’ as synonyms? There is definite correlation between diabetes and liver disease and obesity, just not as much as you would think. Perhaps I will get my husband to write an article or comment here, I feel I’m getting a bit out of my depth!! I’m honestly not trying to push an agenda or spread misinformation so please take everything I say with a grain of salt.
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Also, they’re not ALL wrong, obviously obesity can quite often be a side effect of poor health, but I feel it’s much more honest and productive to focus on exercise and nutrition rather than implying obesity is the root of all evil, when it’s just not. And the 80% comment was not meant to be offensive or touting her or my own inherent ignorance (if that’s what you’re implying?) I was just imitating the general reactionary rhetoric that seems to inundate the topic.
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Just FYI: I’m leaving in half an hour for a two month holiday without internet so I won’t be able to answer anymore replies that come in! I think it is a richer and more worthwhile debate if we are focusing our minds on fitness, nutrition, and mental health rather than what somebody looks like/making snap judgements. At the end of the day, we really know nothing of their health status unless we are their doctor. And it is entirely plausible to have perfectly healthy overweight people, even obese (perhaps not as healthy as they could be, but again it’s entirely plausible to have people with BMI’s of around 30/31 who are not at immediate risk of departure by any means, far from it) It’s an interesting debate though! Important too! Stay safe and healthy everybody!! xx
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This article made me sad. I have two daughters, same parents, same lifestyle, same meals. One is gloriously Rubenesque and the other a fashionable twig. Both beautiful, but one is like the women on the paternal side of the family, the other is like the women on my side. I really think the genetic lottery is the main difference between my girls. Unfortunately people are incredibly insensitive and rude in their responses to my bigger daughter. They assume our fridge is stocked with coke and the pantry stacked with chips. They ignore that she is the daughter who exercises the most. They are blind to her beauty.
If I didn’t have two daughters maybe I would be blind, judgemental and shallow on this issue as well.
Let’s focus on health not shape.
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Glad you can see that.
One of my cousin’s makes me wild. She is fine boned and has always eaten the worst dietery crap you possibly can imagine. She has two girls. The elder is fine boned, the other has a heavier bone structure, showing off the islander heritage from the other side of the family. Both are stunning girls. The heavier boned kid gets hell, and is deprived of food (bearing in mind she also plays rep sports so she incredibly active – and therefore hungry). For instance at Easter, bigger boned daughter (who is not fat) was not allowed an easter egg, only a small chocolate bar) because “she didn’t need the calories”) while the other kids and cousins got what they wanted.
Mummy and first daughter eats lots of crap, and yet the bigger boned second child is pilloried.
I did comment to that effect though apparently it was wasted.
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How awful for the poor daughter!! Can you imagine the issues she will be likely to be carrying around for the rest of her life because of the treatment from her Mum… That makes me so mad!
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alana,
i find your comment regarding not wanting plus-size models in magazines to be quite worrying. if you think we should revert to 15+ years ago when only one body shape was celebrated, then i find that a very polarising and disturbing view.
you are free to make whatever statements you like regarding your kids, but in my opinion, saying that only one body type should be portayed in the media is quite narrow-minded and judgemental.
just my two cents worth.
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Great! Totally agree
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I don’t think I’ve ever seen a plus size model that I’ve thought ‘that’s unhealthy and should no be celebrated’ so I’m not sure where Alana’s point of view was coming across from there.
All the plus sized models I’ve seen in magazines are beautiful – it’s people that have trouble sitting in chairs, getting through doorways and getting up in general that are what I thought she meant to be cause for alarm.
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Could someone give me some advice?
My friend, whom I love dearly, has an extremely overweight daughter. She is 14 , average height and weighs well over 100kg. She is the most lovely girl but is suffering and my heart breaks for her. My friend seems to equate food with love, consequently the whole family is obese. There is no lack of love in their home but they seem incapable of change.
I don’t want to ruin the friendship but my subtle hints are not working. The daughter is already starting to suffer obesity related health problems.
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My advice would be to say nothing.
I’m sure your friend knows that they are all overweight but she may not know how to make the changes needed to he healthier. If she wants help, she will ask.
It’s lovely that you care but do you want to risk ruining a friendship?
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The problem is, at what point do you recognise the family has no idea about nutrition and try and guide them in the right direction?
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I agree here. And by the same token about not knowing about nutrition, many don’t realise the consequences of emotional eating. My sister has struggled with her weight her all teenage and adult life. She knows she uses food to comfort her. She has huge portion sizes etc. She also knows about nutrition as she managed to lose 30kg a couple of years ago.
The thing is though, the using-food-as-comfort, trumps her knowledge of nutrition too much. And she is bringing up her son (6) and daughter (4) in the same way now. She feeds them a lot of food (large portions) and she ‘treats them’ all the time, daily really. She snuggles them up on the couch with a blanket to watch a movie and gives them junk. Every day. The family don’t do any physical activity of any sort. Not together, not individually. The kids have never even been in a swimming pool for swimming lessons.
I can already see her weight issues becoming problems for her kids. To save my nephew and niece from a lifetime of weight worries, like my sister (and I know they have been worries, she has spoken to me about them so many times), I feel like someone should point out to my sister that she is heading down a rocky path with her own kids…
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“I feel like someone should point out to my sister that she is heading down a rocky path with her own kids…”
She might already be aware of it.
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She might in a way. But if she was really super conscious of it, she wouldn’t want to pave out the same future for kids. I know it.
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It’s not really your job to ‘recognise’ and ‘guide’. It’s your job as a good friend to offer help and support – but only if she asks for it. Too many well-meaning people think they should raise an issue or make a point about talking about ‘a problem’. I am sure she knows they are all overweight. Trying to proactively ‘help’ could indeed be offensive. The family needs a doctor or a dietician, and if she asked you whether that might be a good idea, you could wholeheartedly agree.
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“The problem is, at what point do you recognise the family has no idea about nutrition and try and guide them in the right direction?”
When they ask for help. Until someone asks for help, you don’t offer advice about their health or medical problems. Until then it is no-one else’s place to offer that guidance.
As a friend, the sensitive thing to do would be to say ‘hey I’m planning on such and such exercise and/or want to improve my diet. Would ya like to do it with me, cause it would be good to have a mate to motivate each other’ and then see how they respond.
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Think about whether you would say something if she was starving herself thin. If your answer is yes then you must say something. Explain how you’re concerned for her health and offer suggestions that you could all do together. She may be offended at first but make sure you focus on health and not appearance.
Best wishes.
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I understand your desire to help what you see as an unhealthy situation. As a social work student, I absolutely understand that. But here’s the deal – you’re not her doctor. You do not know what the child’s actual health is. You’re using weight and appearance as a proxy for health, and that’s bad medicine all around. Unless you know what her actual medical condition is (cholesterol, BP, diabetes, etc.), you do NOT know that she is suffering. You want your friends to change, but that’s not your place to decide. They have the right to live life on their terms just as you have the right to live it on yours.
Let’s also look at the fact that if the whole family is obese, there is a good likelihood that it’s predominantly genetic, not food-based.
You might take a look at this blog post for a little more information: http://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2012/01/11/dont-cry-for-me-well-meaning-concern-troll/.
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Diva, I do know that she is suffering. She has told me. She endures constant hurtful comments, she can’t wear the clothes she likes be ause nothing fits and she can’t play the sports she likes anymore because she can’t even get through the warm up. She has problems with her feet and ankles and problems with her insulin levels.
Her parents were not overweight children. Their weight was average until their 30′s so I don’t think it’s genetic. But of course I don’t know.
I understand they have the right to live as they choose. But I think the child wants change and has no ability to make those changes by herself.
Thanks to everyone for your comments.
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I was a thin child. My mother was glad I wasn’t fat, too – she told me so, and she told lots of other people too. She also talked about how she needed to lose weight herself. I remember comparing my bodies to other kids at primary school swimming, sucking in my stomach and feeling so special because I was not ‘a fat kid’.
When I hit puberty, like most girls I put on weight and developed curves. I wasn’t ‘thin’ anymore; I’d lost my identity and I worried my mother wouldn’t be as proud of me anymore. At 11, I decided I would become anorexic. I spent my teen years starving, bingeing, purging and exercising in an effort to be good and thin, instead of bad and fat.
When I was 16, my mum joined Weight Watchers and lost the ‘spare’ 15kg she’d complained about since I could remember. She was so happy with herself that she didn’t notice that I had almost completely stopped eating.
I’m 30 now, and after years of therapy am finally ok with my body. Thinness is lo longer my goal and food is no longer an enemy. My mum, sadly, is still constantly dieting, trying to lose that 15kg she re-gained and re-lost six or seven times since I was in high school.
My mother has never talked to me about my eating disorder. She does, however, still praise me when I am ‘thin’ and condemn herself and others for being ‘fat’. I have been crystal clear that she is not ever to talk like this in front of my children – the last time she praised one of my kids for being ‘ a lovely skinny little thing’ I picked them up and walked straight out of her house.
I don’t care if my kids are ‘fat’. I don’t care if they’re ‘thin’. I care if they are healthy and happy, and I am going to make damn sure that they don’t have to spend half a lifetime of misery learning that their bodies are not a statement of their worth.
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Wow, you have put this so beautifully, thanks for sharing your story. Susan xx
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I think we have the same mother! I have followed a similar pattern to you but I am now 41 and still totally obsessed with food and dieting and still sometimes binge and purge…..can’t imagine being any other way and am terrified that somehow my daughter will end up the same.
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it’s never too late to change. the first step is to understand that food is just food. if you listen to your body and eat when you’re hungry you’ll come to peace with your body. it doesn’t need to be a battle. these days its rare, but if you can, observe the way people who have an uncomplicated relationship to food eat and talk about food. copy them.
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I have been down a similar road as you with years of body issues and disordered eating. My son nearly died from complications when he was born. I am thankful every day that he is with us. I do not care about his size or shape. In fact as a young child he was actually very chubby despite eating the same diet as the rest of the family. Once the hormones kicked in at puberty, the baby fat dropped off and now he is as thin as a rake and could probably afford to gain a pound or two. So I don’t believe childhood size always carries into adulthood.
As for being happy that your child is thin…sorry there are so many worse things that could happen than having a child who is carrying excess weight.
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I don’t actually think there are any parents who want their kids to be overweight are there? So why write an article like this other than to make parents of overweight kids feel bad or make overweight kids feel bad about themselves? We all have our personal opinions, which we are entitled to share, but looking at kids you don’t know and judging them as ‘fat’, then announcing to the world how happy you are that your kids don’t look like ‘them’ seems quite callous and smug. I am personally very glad my kids never went to childcare. Would I write an article with that as a title for all the world to read? No way!! I don’t think it’s healthy to make such broad, sweeping statements which basically imply that a child who is raised or looks a certain way is inferior to others. I have 4 very slim kids and have been asked in the past if I feed them enough (I do!). I really wish we could quit the judging and labeling and be supportive and encouraging instead.
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So true
couldn’t agree more
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I couldn’t agree more. This is coming from the kid, me, who is made to feel bad about myself and ashamed for my family as a result of these posts.
Not constructive at all.
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I LOVE THIS POST. I love everything about it, and agree with EVERYTHING said. amazing. gorgeous. Alana – this is fabulous, and good luck with losing the 10k… that’s my goal too and it is way more to do with my own happiness and health than societies pressure.
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My kids are not fat / overweight/ unhealthy, because I choose to feed them nutrious food, everyday. I don’t feed them Maccas, KFC, Hungry Jacks day in day out, because it’s bad for them. I stock the fridge with watermelon, apples, oranges, bananas, kiwi fruit etc, , and because that’s all there is, that’s all they eat. Fast food is expensive, fresh fruit and veges are not. I’m the parent, I’m responsible for what my kids eat. It’s that simple. Fat/ obese kids usually have fat / obese parents. Fat / obese parents usually feed their kids the same garbage they eat daily. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it’s reality.
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Very true. I work in a job where I travel to many different shopping centres around the state. I can’t tell you how many families I have seen with a fat mum and dad pushing a fat toddler in a pram and fat children walking along eating hot chips and drinking fizzy sweet drinks.
I doubt that their weight was due to genetic factors.
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And sometimes obese kids have other issues. Their parents may have given everything they can in other circumstances, but sometimes there are things parents can’t control. I’m obese, I know it, I don’t blame it on my parents providing the wrong food. I found the wrong food when I needed it and still do.
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But obesity and overweight people should be in the minority, not the rising majority!
Today, the benchmark has shifted in Australia, and people now think that fat is normal. I now live in Asia, where there is not such an obesity problem. It is very clear why, when you witness their smaller portion sizes, and much healthier, more readily available healthy food choices. This will no doubt change over time with the rising middle class and westernization of society.
The other issue in Australia is the tall poppy syndrome. Culturally, it is okay to label someone as thin, but how dare you call someone fat! Let’s put other people down, to make me feel better about my situation / bad choices/ limited education / lack of self control and accountability (rare medical cases aside). Much easier to lay blame on other factors, than take responsibility.
Is it really fair that tax payers have to fund this unnecessary burden on our health system, which is already bursting at the seams?
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i find this a very difficult issue. i was an extremely active child, at swimming training twice a day plus many other sports thrown in. however once i hit puberty i changed from being a skinny little thing to very curvy! I was not overweight by any means but just started to look like a woman. however it all happened so quickly i developed stretch marks on my legs, bum and breasts! this was such a blow to my self esteem at such a young age. i have kept up the exercise all my life but gave away the swimming i was so embarressed.
from then on i have always battled with my weight, i am petite so even a few kilos show. my mum is TINY, a small size six and eats as she likes. her side of the family is the same. my dad is extremely overweight and always has been, his whole family are big. now i know i have his genes and not my mums from how my body loves to retain fat. genes have a huge part to play. i take responsibility for my body but judgement is so unwarrented becayse sometimes it is harder for others to maintain a healthy weight! if only some people could walk in your shoes. just as some people are naturally talented at maths, some may require extra study and perseverance. same goes with weight. the ol calories in and calories out has been debunked!
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I understand exactly what you’re saying danii. I too am a very curvy, petite figure and same as you, have battled with my weight since I was in my early twenties. I find it such incredibly hard, miserable work to keep the weight off and even one chocolate biscuit in a whole day of healthy eating brings everything undone. In my most self indulgent pitying moments I cry because my husband has a super fast metabolism and struggles to put on weight and it’s just so unfair. Mostly I try to accept, you get what you get with your body shape and even if I do manage to lose enough weight to be my ideal BMI, I will never have the gorgeous figures of many of my friends. Oh well it is what it is, cest la vie and all that. Girls like you and I just have to be healthy and accept our bodies for what they are. And love ourselves all the same!
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I think it’s a shame that you felt that you had to give up swimming because of stretch marks. That too, is part of society’s constant judging. No one else should have the power to prevent one from doing the things they love because of something as superficial as stretch marks.
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One of my friends is really slim because her diet from Friday through to Tuesday consists mainly of recreational drugs, alcohol and chewing gum.
Another of my really slim friends doesn’t eat breakfast or dinner most days and drinks a bottle of wine a night.
Another friend of mine does pilates every day and jogs 5km 4 times a week, she eats more healthily than most people I know, she’s about a size 14 and roughly 10kg above what the BMI chart says is “healthy”.
My cousin is about 6-7kg over the BMI chart, also about a size 14, she’s a fitness instructor, doesn’t drink and is a vegan.
How you look does not necessarily reflect how healthy you are.
I don’t think we should encourage unhealthy lifestyles but I also don’t believe we should make judgements on people’s lifestyles based only on their appearances.
I think it’s a pity the article was not about you being “glad your kids are not unhealthy”… I also think it’s a pity this sort of narrow minded thinking was published.
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Loving this comment
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I am tall and have always been thin, probably seriously underweight when i was younger. Same for my husband. My two children are exactly the same, tall and quite thin. I know they will “fill out” as they get older, just like their father and i did as we aged. However i get so peeved when people say to them and me when they first meet them, oh look how tall and thin you are. But then your mother is tall and thin, so thats where you get it from”. Imagine if i said to a fat child when i met them with their parent “oh look how fat you are. But then your mothers really fat so thats obviously where you get it from”. I’d be mrs popular wouldn’t i! People need to keep their thoughts to themselves I think.
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What is it about people saying your kids look like you that you find so offensive?
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I don’t think that’s what anon was saying.
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I can’t speak for Anon, but I think people should keep their thoughts about the size of children to themselves regardless of whether they are thin or fat.
My girls are tall for their age and like little whippets, nothing of them, but I don’t want anyone commenting on their body size to them. Because then, they will start to realise that the shape of their bodies is important in the world. They are far too young for that.
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Absolutely! Could not agree more.
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Well said Cordeline
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I think its important to remember that slim/thin doesn’t necessarily equal healthy either. I am naturally thin, due to genetics. I have a very fast metabolism. This is not my doing, it is something I got from my relatives. I do eat quite healthily, but I have not in the past and was the same size. However, people tend to assume I am very healthy/fit due to my size. Fit I am not – trying to remedy this.
In the same vein, I have a friend I grew up with who is probably around a size 18. She has always, always been big because she inherited her father’s build.
If someone asked me who was healthier, I would say her. No question. She is fit, healthy, active and awesome.
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Totally agree Alana!!!
i also went to the pool recently & was amazed at the amount of kids that were overweight – seriously overweight, big bellies hanging over their bikini bottoms, so you could barely see the swimmer bottoms… they werent there for exercise, they were there to cool off… they were probably feeling the heat more due to the excess weight… they were also eating pluto pups & cartons of chips as mid-arvo snacks…
i have 2 kids… they are both very active playing footy & netball in winter & nippers & swim 3-4 times a week in summer & we go on long family bike rides & they eat healthily – they get treats, but, everything in moderation… i dont want them to get overweight either (i wasnt as a child, but, i am now – im “fat”, but fit – about 20kg overweight, but, i can ride with them, swim a km a couple of times a week & i walk most days, & even jog a bit),but i wouldnt call myself “healthy”, which is why i encourage the amount of activity they do, purely so they have good habits to take them into their adult life – its alot harder to lose once its on, than to try & keep fit & active & not gain it in the first place…
& something i’ve found out – nutrisweet in diet drinks, whilst it has no sugar, it actually makes you put on weight… & also, children (as in up to about 18) cant process the nutrisweet from their bodies, it just sits there & rots in your body… seriously scary stuff!!!
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Our local private swimming lessons/training/club (ie not a council owned “leisure” centre) recently held a nutritionist seminar session.
I assume from some of the kids they train, it is precisely because they can see some of the kids (mainly in the under 10 age group) are carrying more weight than can be attributed to the “putting on puppy fat weight before a major growth spurt” – and yes I do know the difference).
One of the mother’s in particular is extremely engaged with her kids but her kids are definitely carrying more weight than can be comfortably assigned to a bigger bone/muscle mass.
Our kids all have swimming comps on a regular basis. She is one of many parents that packs a ridiculous amount of food for her kids to graze on during a 3-4 hour competition period. (What is it with everyone packing snacks for short time periods away from home these days?). During comps she would usually turn up with sandwiches, muesli bars, lollies etc for the duration.
The nutrition session mentioned bananas as being a good energy source. So three days later at the next swimming comp she turned up with both fresh bananas, and banana muffins for (all) the kids as opposed to just her own. One of her kid’s mentioned to my daughter it was the first time the child had ever eaten a fresh banana.
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I have taken the word ‘fat’ out of my vocabulary – and do not use it with my children. We talk about healthy and unhealthy choices, and speak of food in terms of everyday food, sometimes food and occasionally food.
I do not want my children to have an unhealthy relationship with food of any kind – I do not want them to be overweight, underweight or constantly worrying that they are either.
I think that fat and thin have become such loaded words that they distract the focus from the real issues of health, fitness and education to make good choices. I also think it is very naive to assume that thin equals healthy. I am fifteen kilos heavier than my sister. I eat fresh, nutritious meals the vast majority of the time and exercise almost every day. My sister literally has take-away every day, and cannot keep up with me on a simple walk. As much I would love to be fifteen kilos lighter, I would not change her body for mine .
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I am struggling with this issue at the moment.
My kids were always healthy eaters and very active all their childhood.
I was quietly very proud of the fact that I had such healthy children.
Then they hit puberty.
Both went through a massive growth spurts and developed massive appetites. In my daughter’s case she also lost interest in her very active pursuits. This has resulted in her putting on alot of weight.
At the moment, she gets away with it because she is tall but I am not happy.
Without mentioning weight directly,I have repeatedly suggested to her that she needs to exercise and stop snacking at midnight but as a parent with a teenage daughter you walk a fine line. You hear horror stories about self harm and anorexia so you dont want to push the issue constantly and damage their self esteem. It’s difficult.
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Probably won’t work at her age but a family friend of mine told her kids that to earn their pocket money, not only do they have to do simple chores around the house but they also have to pick a sport to play after school or on weekends. Maybe a variation of that might motivate her???
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Or can you think of any family activities you can all do together, sailing, or bushwalking. Make it more about being together and getting outdoors, than about losing weight.
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The thought is nice Bec…. but she’s a teenager! Activities with the family come last on a teenager’s agenda! After chopping own foot off
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Thanks, we have done many family bushwalks in the past but by the time they are 15, kids don;t want to do family stuff.
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Maybe the pocket money idea would be a better incentive?
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Not if she is going to spend it on food!
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Who cares if they don’t want to? We all have to do things we don’t want to. Or have a family night/day whatever each week and let someone different choose the activity each week. Easy.
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Hate to tell you, but the teenager will often pick a sedentary activity.
Often a kid of 15 will have a part time job too. Good luck controlling all of their spending then.
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I don’t really understand the comment that you’re not happy with her putting on weight. My mother is the same with my younger sister and I have a hard time with that sort of thought, because I find it pretty unfair. I understand that parents want their kids to be healthy and happy and, if we’re being honest, look good, but I don’t really think it’s fair for them to be happy or unhappy about it. I know I’m coming across as judgmental, but I don’t mean to be — it’s just that if you’re unhappy with your daughter’s weight, she probably knows you are. And that is only going to make it worse, especially because she might already be feeling more vulnerable than she makes out. I understand where the author of this post is coming from, and she makes some great points, but when it comes to teenage girls a lot of care needs to be taken in making them think being overweight is a bad thing. You obviously know this, given your anorexia comment etc, which is great. But subtle comments my mother made when I gained weight were more damaging than she realised, and even after losing a lot of weight she’s now saying I’m getting too thin. I wish I had an answer for you, but I do know you need to be really careful here. You won’t be able to get her to play sport etc if she really doesn’t want to; people need to be motivated to lose weight on their own. She’ll get there. But try not to hurry the process. Good luck x
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To be honest I would sit down and talk I her about being healthy and you are worried that she is not as healthy as she could be. She has probably started to think about weight and size anyhow already herself and its a great thing to be able to talk about in an open way. Because there are so many different views around on what is healthy to eat and do go and see a dietician together and ask about what is balanced diet and exercise for women (she is developing a woman’s body so u can do this together) and u both look at doing dietician recommendations together. Often as a teen mums know little and the professionals have more credence.
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Causes of obesity in children include unhealthy food choices, lack of physical activity (sedentary lifestyle) and family eating habits.
Other than those things, there are some rare genetic disorders that cause childhood obesity.
If those disorders are rare, then we can pretty much assume that the reason there is a continuing rise on overweight children is a combination of the first three points above.
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Couldn’t agree more Anonymous. Only common sense knows that there are very real disadvantages in being fat.
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Agreed, yes there are diseases that stop you losing weight, or make you put on weight, but they are rare. If fourteen million Aussies are overweight as the article states, surely the majority of them/us are overweight due to our unhealthy lifestyle choices. And yes they are choices because we are a free, rich country and we have the ability to choose healthy food which is freely available to us all.
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“we have the ability to choose healthy food which is freely available to us all.”
Well, when unhealthy food tends to be cheaper/easier/more available, I’m not so sure it’s a free choice.
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I always find the opposite. I’ve eaten poorly and I’ve eaten healthily, and healthy food is always much, much cheaper. Today I made 12 serves of soup for less than the cost of two bottles of Coke.
Vegetables, grains, dairy, meat and seafood are available at every supermarket in the country and it really isn’t that hard to eat healthy when out. Even McDonalds has a garden salad and bottled water.
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That’s why I said ‘cheaper/easier/more available’ – the soup might be cheaper, but it’s definitely not easier. I heard once (I forget where) that we want our food to be cheap, fast, healthy but we have to sacrifice at least one of those. So if we choose cheap & fast, it won’t be healthy. If we choose fast & healthy, it won’t be cheap.
And fresh vegetables, meat, seafood aren’t cheap.
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I’m not going to bang on about farmers markets and their wonders, but veges, meat and fish are cheaper than getting a family’s worth of takeaway. Even going to Woolies or Coles they’re still way cheaper to buy.
You can get a jar of pasta sauce and a bag of pasta for $3. Dinner done. Add whatever you want and it would still come in under $10 (unless you’re adding, you know, truffles and lobster). The cost thing is such a copout. That’s fast cheap and easy. I can think of heaps of fast, cheap and easy meals.
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It is all about choice, I could choose to drive 10 minutes to my nearest fast food outlet, wait 5-10 minutes for my order then drive 10 minutes home again, or I could choose to use that half hour to cut up and steam some fresh vegies and throw a piece of fish or chicken in the oven. Or I could choose to spend $20 at the same fast food outlet to feed my family one nights dinner, or I could go to my local farmers market and spend $20 to get enough fruit and veg for a whole week. There are so many resources offering recipes for fast, healthy, cheap meal ideas, using that old excuse just does not cut it anymore.
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I often go to our local farmers’ market and $20 does not buy much! I spend more like $50 – $80 there if I buy all the fruit and veg for the week I think farmers markets, while great for other reasons, are not cheap. Crap food is often cheap, have a look at what is discounted at the supermarket every week – chips, biscuits, chocolate. McDonalds is really cheap compared to almost any other take away.
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I don’t know where you live, but $20 at my local markets buy bugger all. I’m quite over people telling me how cheap fresh produce is. Unless you are in a metro area with lots of competition, it is NOT. In a regional area fresh vegies and fruit are bloody expensive. And in my supermarkets there is no meat under $10/kg except sausages. Even mince costs about $6 for a 500g tray. For some families, eating this way is not an affordable option compared to say, frozen dim sims or pack of 6 frozen pies for $6.
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That’s a cop out. Fresh, unprocessed food is much cheaper than processed, packaged stuff. For example a healthy spaghetti Bol, mince, tinned tomatoes, herbs and wholemeal pasta. Homemade soup, ie cauliflower soup for a family of six can be made for the cost of two cans of the processed soup crap. Yes it takes a bit more time, but isn’t ones health worth it.
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Fresh, healthy food IS cheaper than fatty fast food and other junk. It’s a fact. People just need to invest the time and energy to shop and prepare their meals.
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But my point is that time and energy *do* count as a cost. So if you want to make a quick stirfry at home, you can buy pre-cut meat and vegetables, but it will be more expensive (because of the preparation, the better cut of meat, and just because the supermarkets can charge more). If you buy cheaper cuts of meat, they take longer to cook.
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To start with, apologies, it was me who posted the original comment in this thread (Anonymous), I forgot to put my name to the comment and then couldn’t edit.
I do understand that fresh food can be expensive. But I have done the math and done the comparison and it simply isn’t such a one-sided answer. If people choose to eat mostly fresh food (fruit, veg, a bit of fish and meat), then have some staples like pasta, rice and canned beans, tuna etc… then there are A LOT of supermarket aisles that you would simply never need to go down. The supermarket aisles that really do bulk up a grocery bill and are the foods that are not healthy.
I am not into buying snack foods marketed toward young children (even though I have young kids). I’m wary of the ingredients to begin with and honestly, the prices are exorbitant. If my kids want popcorn as a treat, I’ll usually make it at home, from a bag of corn kernels that cost just over $1. Every now and again, say on school holidays, I might buy a multi-pack of popcorn bags to take on outings with other kids. The price difference is a no-brainer. And the multi-packs have added salt, sugar and other stuff. The popcorn I make at home has nothing.
Same goes for other foods. We are not a family void of treats. The kids love baking and a freshly made biscuit. But I would much rather them be in the kitchen with me, having fun baking and then eating a fresh bikkie or two for a few days afterwards then constantly have packets of store-bought biscuits in the cupboard, that they will always want. This way, their home-made bikkies are a treat, just as the should be, plus they’ve had fun making them, and even though the ingredients do contain sugar and butter etc, there are no other nasty additives and it is far cheaper.
When I concentrate more on shopping for fresh food, I spend far less than if it’s holidays and I might start buying some packaged foods.
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Only trouble is that as both parents generally work it can come down to an issue of time. I know when my kids were little and I was an at home mum, almost everything was home made. Once I went back to work full time, it was completely different. My husband was always a hands-on family man, contributing just as much to cooking and child-raising but with after school activities once a week, Little Aths on Saturday mornings, reading at bedtimes and everything else that goes into a busy working parents life, some things just have to give. I guess it’s about trying to find the balance.
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You can do a pasta meal in about 15 minutes. Watch Jamie’s 15 minute meals and see what he comes up with. They’re simple and quick. There are heaps of resources about how to make cheap, quick and easy meals. A stirfry is quick and easy, even if you have to prep everything. Spag bol is quick and easy work wise, you can just bung it in a pot and let it simmer from morning to arvo if you like. Same with casseroles, curries, using cheap cuts of meat.
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But God forbid we point out common sense to people, it might hurt their feelings!
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They may even wish to sue us for causing their hurt feelings …
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Completely agree with this.
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THANK YOU! I find it incredibly difficult to believe that “genetics” is responsible for the massive increase in overweight and obese people. I mean, seriously – are you saying that only overweight people been reproducing for the last 20-30 years and that is why everyone suddenly has a genetic predisposition to being overweight? I call bullshit on 9-10 (if not more) of people who have a “genetic predisposition” to being overweight. Just because your parents are also fat (for the same reasons you are) doesn’t mean it’s genetic.
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I wanna start this with a small but-I-think-it-might-be-necessary (according to Brain.) caveat: I have never been “small”. I say “big”, NOT overweight (that involves muffin tops, big didn’t). Just big.
Right at this very moment I am 19 years of age. Just three months away from entering my scarily ever-presently-fear-paralysing 3rd decade (I know, I know. Trivial first world Gen Y problemohs. Got it. Promise). I’m also overweight. In fact, I was obese at one point. That little electronic number on Mr. Scales was steadily needling his way to 120. Now, I have no clue. I don’t own scales. Never have. Not sure why. Just something we never had while we were growing up. I was using that program on Wii, the one with white board that you’ve gotta stand on, adds time-points to a piggy bank to count the amount of exercise you’ve done. His batteries ran out, and the Wii was so last summer-of-many-years-ago. Anyway, I realised I needed to do something. I just couldn’t work out (haha) what. So I did a little soul searching, starving of the self, and attempted food overhaul. Settled on a childhood dream of becoming a ninja. 18′s not too late, right? I still have some ninja-shaping days in me yet. So, I started MMA at a little studio thingoh not to far from me. Pretty small, full of some beautiful people. But I just wasn’t feeling it. I have a naturally lazy disposition. My first instinct isn’t always to do my best if I’m not perfection-at-once. But something happened that involved a guy and it sort of kicked me into overdrive. Suddenly I was only eating apples, maybe 3 a day and then I would do endless numbers of pyramids (pushups, sit ups, squats starting from a number and gradually getting down to 1) while going to MMA (which I dubbed falling down practise) 4-5 times a week. Unhealthy, mightily unhealthy. Then I broke my ankle. Gained a bit of weight, inactivity based. Had a bit of a mobility issue. And, started the cycle again with a smaller but not so glaring diet rehash. I eat when I’m hungry. Discovered lactose ain’t my friend, joined a gym and can’t give up on my friend’s cooked-to-perfection brownies. Can’t. Also have a large netball-based obsession to contend with. I play, coach and umpire.
My mother was an obsesserererer. Still is. She goes into overdrive on every project she’s ever gotten her mittens caught in. She’s very “involved”. Her motto: “Finish what you started” paired with “110% AT ALL TIMES” echoes in my melon everytime I do something. And that consumed her every waking hour, including her unhealthy diet. Thing is I’m a lot more like my mother than I care to admit, and this includes diet-wise. She’s a big woman, so am I. Kids watch. Kids learn. Kids imitate. Kids turn into adults that watched, learned and will-somehow-always-imitate-unless-they-break-the-pattern. I think.
I don’t know what I’m getting at. I’ve waffled enough.
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what is MMA?
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Kids may watch ,learn and imitate their parents, but once you become an adult, you alone are responsible for your own behaviour. It’s called breaking the vicious cycle. Nothing annoys me more when adults say, “I was abused, that why I abuse”. Bullshit. I was severely abused as a child, I have never abused anyone, because I know what it is like to be abused. You can choose to be unhealthy or you can choose to be healthy. It’s up to you.
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Not entirely sure what you’re getting at either, darling, but loved reading it! You are finding yourself, slowly. And you have a very entertaining turn of phrase. Bless. x
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The child that is “large” as you put it, is going to the pool to exercise. Not to receive your judgement. Have you ever thought that the judging eyes by you, and others like you, actually makes it harder for “larger” people to actually participate in exercise. Do you really believe that while you might not say anything, that your judgement is not felt by the child and their family.
Many children who are “thin” are thin because they do not eat enough. They are fussy eaters, who may not be gettting the optimum level of nutrition.
How about we stop the judgement. Why not support these kids that are going to the pool to exercise – that is if we are really doing it to support our health claims.
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Many children who are “overweight” are overweight because they do not eat the correct type and amounts of food. They are fussy eaters, who may not be gettting the optimum level of nutrition. It goes both ways, surely a healthy medium is best. If healthy food and a healthy lifestyle is offered to the child surely they have the best chance of being healthy.
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And how exactly is judging a fat child for exercising in public on a mommyblog going to make it easier for fat children to feel comfortable exercising in public? Or is the point of all this to perpetuate the hate and shaming of children’s bodies as long as those children dare to be fat the point? I’m unclear on how bullying and shaming makes people thinner, since research shows just the opposite.
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Surely if a child is eating healthy and exercising we shouldn’t care what size they are?
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I would still care. Surely it would be a sign that something else is wrong?
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Because that overweight child could be suffering from problems such as sleep apnea, pressure on their growing joints and bones and other issues that affect people because of the extra weight. I would be worried if my child exercised and ate reasonable portions of healhy food and was still carrying extra weight.
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On the weekend i was at a bbq for my husbands family. my sister in law runs 20 kms a day and has a very restricted diet despite being underweight and now looking extemely unhealthy and aged. she has 3 beautiful healthy active daughters who she constantly berates about eating the oldest is 8. these girls play sport and are on a carb restricted diet and are well within a healthy weight range. her reasoning is that her husbands family suffer from weight problems and she doesn’t want her girls to be fat adults. my brother in law supports this because despite him doing triathalons and a huge amount of excersise eating a healthy diet he suffers high blood pressure and cholesterol. my husband who’s sister it is. is tall and also underweight his diet is full of fat and carbs and hardly any vegtables and no fruit has just had everything tested and been told he is in perfect health a lot of these things are linked to your genes and i really get angry at people putting their own body image issues onto children. my 2 girls take after their father and are underweight with no effort on their part i am overweight and always serve healthy food in my house and promote excersise and a balanced diet but i have seen the difference genetics can make on someone.
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Alana, you are absolutely entitled to your opinion, but so are the rest of us. You want the right to be able to raise your children as you see fit, and so do the rest of us. What I feel is not OK is your demand that others see fat the same way you do. You are choosing to see fat as wrong and evil and you are emphasizing that you see it as “scary.” That is your prerogative, but I ask you please to consider that the rest of us have the same prerogative to see fat as acceptable and beautiful.
You use “fat” as an epithet, except it isn’t. It’s no different than a man who looks down his nose and says, “Feh; women,” in a derogatory manner. You have the right to determine that you don’t want people to tell you that it’s OK to be fat; but you don’t have the right to determine that fat is unacceptable for the rest of us. That’s called bullying, and it’s not acceptable anywhere.
Someone else made an excellent point elsewhere. You make assertions about health as though you are stating facts, yet you do not provide any supporting evidence.
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Yes, but Alana is not saying that fat is not acceptable or not beautiful. She is acknowledging that it is unhealthy and that she wishes better for her children.
Would you not want the same for your children? A healthy, good start to life?
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Except, you know, research shows that fat in and of itself does NOT equal unhealthy, and this piece is dripping with contempt for children with “spare tyres.” so….. There’s that. Never mind that research also shows weight stigma leads to worse health outcomes
Because of stress, disordered eating, and body image issues.
I want ALL children to practice healthy habits. If the OP’s kids eat junk and are naturally thin, I don’t see how the OP is an authority on anything but body policing and child-shaming. Which hardly seems like a healthy start in any child’s life.
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I am failing to see the argument here? Of course fat in itself does not equal unhealthy. It’s all the conditions that come with being fat that are the cause for concern, for example heart disease, diabetes, sleep insomnia, etc.
We are not talking about policing or child-shaming. We are talking about education regarding causes and effects of obesity. Which is – not matter how you choose to parent, our your own weight circumstances and health – a very real issue.
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You can’t change being a woman, you can change being overweight – so they are different. So your point in that respect is redundant.
And being unhealthily overweight is unacceptable when you put the costs on to others – which you do through the public health system. You have the right to determine what you think is beautiful or acceptable. You don’t have the right to use limited resources in a way that could be prevented through having some personal responsibility.
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I think your being defensive here.
The reality is that being overweight is not healthy for us. Full stop. So, go on living your life trying to convince yourself and veryone lese that your perfectly fine just the way you are.
I personally think its neglugent to allow your child toi become obese. Feeding yiur children healthy opitions is not that hard.
I am on a very veery very tight food budget and its really easy to buy your meat and vege for lkess than $100 per week. You can easily EASILY do that and be incredibly healthy because you do not buy things like unhealthy snacks… DFor a while my food budget was less than $50 a week and we ate so well and healthily….
Anyway, we all have our demons. I am the first to admit this. Your demon might be that your over weight and you have issues with food. Mine are something different. But, I am looking at my demons without doing my utmost best to deny that I have them.
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You may very well see fat as beautiful and acceptable, but what about the myriad health problems that are associated with being obese and overweight? Obesity linked issues are a massive drain on our health system. It is an indisputable medical scientifically proven fact that the fatter you get the more likely you are to suffer from a number of serious health problems.
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