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jayne 380x379 I used to laugh at my mother   now I am her.

Jayne with her boys

 

 

 

 

by JAYNE MOLONEY

It’s Saturday night at 8.30pm and I’m tucked up in my bed.

Laptop? Check.

Electric blanket? Check.

Cup of tea on my bedside table? Check.

10 years ago, this type of Saturday night behaviour would have only been acceptable if I had pulled an all-nighter the night before, and even then, there would have been an expectation to “back up”.  It really doesn’t seem like that long ago, but I guess a lot can happen in 10 years.

There are a few mild differences that I’ve noticed between my life then and now;

My coffee tasted slightly different in the old days – it was HOT.

I used to just sit down, and eat my dinner– and not have to negotiate with anyone else to eat theirs.

I used to just mind my own “business” (literally) – as crazy as some of those nights were, there was never a need to wipe anyone else’s bum.

Silence was golden – now it means that something, somewhere in my house is about to be broken.

The feeling of euphoria that I used to feel when dancing upon a podium after 15 drinks, I now get when I hear my vacuum suck up a piece of lego.

Sleeping in was something that I took for granted in my previous nocturnal life with a motto of “party all night and sleep all day”.  Now, on the rare chance that I get to go out and shake my groove thang, I find myself in a pit of regret by about 6am when my eyes are pried open by chubby 3 year old fingers, ready to endure the longest day of my life and pay for all of my sins.

I used to sing in the car at the top of my lungs, and I still do – although now it comes with complaints from the back seat about how bad my voice is (it just makes me stronger).

I used to climb a corporate ladder, and now I’m the CEO of my household – responsible for every little thing that happens, school, sports, parties, timetables, bath, bed, medicine and lunch boxes  – it’s multi-tasking on steroids.  Certificate IV of Motherhood.

I used to wander down to the beach with…. a towel – that’s it, one towel and maybe a book.  Now, a day at the beach consists of 2 bags, 4 towels, a sun-tent, buckets, spades, wetsuits, surfboards and an endless supply of snacks.  Reading a book is about as likely as being able to fold the sun-tent back into its original casing when we pack up to leave.

I used to laugh at my mother – now I am her (albeit without Crocs).

Grocery shopping was just another job to do which I barely gave any thought to, but now, if I do manage to do it on my own I find myself wandering aimlessly down the aisles, gliding slowly along the back of the trolley, loving every minute of the limited time that I am alone – I am essentially ”hiding” in a supermarket.

In my other life, I was selfish with my time and it was delightful! I spent my work days and nights in the busy city loving every bit of its hustle and bustle.  Weekends were spent at the beach reading a book, a dip in the salt water to cure a hangover, long breakfasts reading newspapers, shopping in inner city boutiques, dinner parties, dancing, laughing and catching more cabs than Carrie Bradshaw.

I vaguely even remember the luxury of being “bored”.

It is a distant memory and a world away from what my life is like now, yet I’m happier than I ever was before.  The 2 little boys that I donate my every breath and ounce of my energy to are the best company I could have ever imagined and I don’t want to miss a moment of them.

I loved my old life…..but even with its hot coffee, it had nothing on this one.

Jayne Moloney is a Promotions & Entertainment Manager, mother of 2 small boys and a Journalism student who spends her spare time people watching and laughing at herself. You can read her blog here.

How has your life changed since having kids? If you don’t have kids – how do you imagine your life would change? 

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71 Comments so far

  1. Pingback: jayniesdump

  2. Anonymous

    A very happy mother of a 15 yr old ( going through the process of choosing subjects for year 11, hard when she has no clue what she wants to do for the future) & 18 yr old ( doing VCE) it is a very stressful time with both at secondary school. Miss the simple pleasures of when they were at kinder and primary school. Don’t wish your toddlers to grow up fast enjoy those simple days and times as little ones. I used to be like that, couldn’t wait for them to be grown up. Conversation is different sometimes ends up in a argument with the 18 yr old thinking he is right and mum is wrong as usual. Now I’m asking if they would Like to come to the supermarket with me for company. How’s that.

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  3. Eleni

    Love your writing and even though my children are much older than yours I can relate to your life….thanks.

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  4. Sandra Moloney

    I laughed and Laughed and could relate so very much (without crocs)

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  5. Mum of 2

    I love your quote about silence meaning that something is about to get broken. I can happily listen to all kinds of wild sounds from the other room, but it is when things get quiet that I immediately get up to see what is going on! I would also say that quiet means something has already been broken – this is usually followed by a sheepish “Mum…” and you just know what is coming!

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  6. Innocencelost

    I’m hoping I dont turn into my mother. Her favourite saying to my brother and I when we were young and misbehaving was ‘ if you don’t stop doing X RIGHT NOW I’m going to rip your arms off and beat you around the head with the sloppy end!’ generally it made us laugh and distracted us from the mischief we were up to.

    However, last week I was confronted by my nosy neighbour and called out for being a negligent parent because my baby had been screaming all day and I didn’t do anything about it (he was teething and had a cold and was inconsolable – I really did try everything! ) I can’t bear to imagine what she’ll do if she happens to hear me say that to my wee man!

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  7. NewName

    The thing I miss about like before kids (2yr old and 6 weeks away from #2) is not having to share my food! Every morning I get “Mummy, cuddles” when he doesn’t really want cuddles at all, just my porridge.

    My patience and tolerance is non existent at the moment but must remember to enjoy these moments. He won’t need me at all soon enough :(

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  8. B

    Mirror, mirror on the wall, I am my mother after all…….

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  9. Ali

    I cack myself when I hear my daughter coming out with all the “mum cliches” she always swore blind she would never use. She used to sneer at me for skulking around the supermarket for 3 hours… Now she does the same! Love your site btw, wish something like it had been around 30 years ago when I had my 4. They’ve all grown into gorgeous adults with lives and families of their own, and I love them to pieces, but after 15 years of going to the toilet on my own, I now find I have another generation of interested spectators and toilet paper holders when the grandies come to visit. Love it and wouldn’t swap any of it for anything. : )1

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  10. Kate

    Great post! I’m the first of most of my friends to have a baby and I occasionally have those “grass is greener” feelings when I hear about their weekends out. But I really wouldn’t have it any other way.

    Last Saturday night my husband and I were entertained by watching our 17 month old daughter trying to change a mermaid’s nappy. Yes, that is as weird as it sounds. Apparently “Ariel” the mermaid doll had done a poo (or so our daughter told us – we had never really thought about mermaid’s pooing until this point). My daughter set up the change mat, a clean nappy, nappy bags and wipes and proceeded to clean Ariel’s tail and fins. She then spent considerable time trying to figure out how to put a nappy on a mermaid tail.

    As entertaining as my nights out used to be, they had nothing on this!

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  11. twin mum

    Man…I’ve lost count of the number of pretend trips I’ve made to the shops to get some me time…

    I’ve even resorted to random doctor’s appointments and never compained about the 1+ hour delay in the waiting room. Oops. Just text home ‘still waiting…’

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  12. Ecidnac

    My life with kids compared to my old life has changed in that I haven’t been able to ‘finish a thought’ for seven years now and there is definitely less sleep to be had! All worth it though.

    When will I know I’ve become my mother? When I start sending back cappuccinos, complaining that they’re not hot enough!

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  13. Quixotic

    Love this post.

    Just tonight, I heard my mothers voice ring out when I was making dinner and Miss 5 was complaining she was hungry, and I turned around and said, “It’s dinnertime, you are SUPPOSED to be hungry!”.

    I may or may not have also said the other day, “I’m cold – go put a jumper on.”

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  14. anon for this...

    The thing I miss the most is the independance.

    I do wish that i was only responsible for me, and not everyone else. I never expected to have to me the household manager. I thought we would juggle it more evenly. But that concept flew out the window the second I took mat leave. And now that I’m working, I still have to think of and organise everything.

    I adore my kids, but really wish they would call for daddy even half the time they call for mummy…

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    • Anonymous

      kind of why i am reluctant to return to paid employment……

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      • anon for this

        I don’t blame you. In some ways it’s saved my sanity, but in others I regret it immensley. It is though, the only ‘justifiable’ way to get some me time/family management time (in my lunch break) without the guilt. When I’m at work, I can have some quiet time.

        Now that my kids are older, it’ll come with school/kinder, but before that, I could never justify time in childcare so that I could do all those things.

        It’s a catch 22…

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  15. Lolly

    “The days are long, but the years are short.”

    With 3 kids under 4, this is my mantra. Yes it’s a lot of work, but it’s sooo worth it. I never forget how lucky I am to have these precious gifts in my life.

    Had a good chuckle at lots of the scenarios in the post and the comments. You’ve gotta just laugh, shrug, and keep on going. The cuddles and smiles get me over the line most days…..

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    • Lynnie

      that is an excellent mantra! I don’t know you do it with 3, but my hat goes off to you! The days can seem endless at times, especially when they are sick.and so dependant on us……but the smiles and laughter get me through too. I know I’ll look back at this time when they are teenagers with attitude and wish they were babies/toddlers again!

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  16. jedielf

    Being someone who used to suffer OCD, I’m want to try not to be too paranoid, as I’d like my future kids to be regular kids who might be a little more politically and socially aware from an early age. And I don’t want them to get my mental ilnesses from the way I act towards them. I have a family friend who is my mother’s age whose elderly mother is also extremely OCD, and she does seem to have picked up some really odd mannerisms that I recognise as quite obsessive.

    That’s the main thing I’ve been wondering about having kids. And if I ever did buy a house with plans for a family, it’d probably also be wise to invest in soundproofing for a room in which all the musical instruments and an extensive CD collection will be kept… the me time would probably be spent in there.

    But as I’m still getting ready to move out of Mum and Dad’s and I’ve not been with the boyfriend for long enough to even start to think aboutmoving in together, that’s about all I want to imagine. My life isn’t far enough along for me to provide any more reference point as to how things are going to be with my own house and kids.

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  17. ZP

    I miss my boobs. Enough said :(

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  18. lipglossmumma

    Oh the beach description is SPOT ON!

    As much as I yearn for some quiet time, sleep ins and peaceful silence I wouldn’t change a thing. x

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  19. Yvonne Mathot

    So very true, we had twins to start with….I was used to working full time for nearly 9 years doing what ever I wanted….then It all STOPPED and there was very strange things happening to my normally great body ???? We had twins and no sleep, food , talk , time out was GONE….but we where and still are so happily in love with them , now turning 11,we decided to embrace the caois and have two more , not twins not that crazy…even though second time around is definatly easier ,lol and I do tell you There is a very LOUD little house on the central coast…and I wouldnt change it….ps we are now getting sleep again and having date nights.

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  20. victoria2211

    I moved out of home about 5 years ago, and in with my now fiance. I stayed at my brothers’ place in the city a few weeks ago, and upon my return home suffered a mini-breakdown (as I’m a complete drama queen) when I realised that my brother was living the life I wanted for myself around 7 years ago. I got so incredible envious of his lifestyle!
    I told my fiance that that was the reason I was upset and he assured me that everyone goes through something similar. In an email the following day he wrote, “I don’t think you were being a dickhead, it’s very normal to wonder and want what COULD have been. I just wanted you to put it all into perspective, and make sure in your heart of hearts that you knew it was something that YOU wanted to DEFINITELY do.”
    And he was right.
    I don’t want those old aspirations of living in a crappy rundown place in Brunswick with my BFF.
    I want a house, I want babies, and I want my November wedding.
    And to top it off, it turns out it’s my brother who’s jealous of my life. Who’d have thought? :)

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  21. jkrose

    Love the comment in reference to the lego being vaccumed up. Its funny how such simple things and those daily wins keep us going especially when your having a day where everything keeps going wrong!

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    • Wendy

      I know and I feel bad when I don’t have the bag less bag on the vacuum cleaner… Oooops there goes another piece … Well I did tell him to pick it up!!

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  22. Kathy W

    Be careful what you wish for, folks! I am now well and truly on the other side of the baby-toddler years, with a 12 year old and 16 year old. My time is once again my own. Today I went out to lunch and shopping with a girlfriend and my mum, leaving both boys at home. They get home from school way before me, and are quite fine without me.

    Thing is, I miss those years when they were little. I remember being the mum who would linger in the supermarket, enjoying just having an hour on my own and coming home to my little two year old standing at the door, waiting for his mummy. Now, often, no one is even home when I arrive with the groceries. I miss that little person gleefully ‘helping’ me empty all the shopping bags.

    I know it can seem insufferably tedious and often claustrophobic – but their time as little ones is so short. Please don’t wish it away. Your ‘me’ time will come again soon enough.

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    • Bus girl

      Thanks Kathy

      I needed that … With a 6 year old and twins turning 5 I spend a lot of time just wishing they would hurry up and get a bit older so they don’t need me to do everything .. Think I’ll chill and try and enjoy it tomorrow, see what happens :)

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  23. Mum of 3

    I love the Lego line! That stuff is evil and I have 2 obsessed little boys so it is everywhere. The only way it gets picked up properly us once a fortnight when the cleaner is coming because they believe she will vaccum it up.

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  24. Jessica

    My hubby and I love Saturday nights. When our little mans been put to bed its knee rugs on, separate couches and New Tricks on Telly and then bed by 8.30! Oh how life has changed!

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  25. Faybian

    I’ve been a mum all my adult life, bar one year, 18! I don’t honestly know what it’s like to not be responsible for someone else. I get solitude during the school days if I’m not at work and at night, they’re not on top of me anymore anyway.
    I was having a talk with another formerly young mum whose oldest daughter will be 21 soon and both of us have admitted to feeling “weird” about that time in the future when we won’t have to look after anyone else. I think as kids get older you get more time to yourself anyway, but taking time out for yourself shouldn’t be seen as wrong or something to feel guilty about.

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    • Kris2040

      Yes, what is it with the guilt? I feel no guilt at all for liking time on my own. Strangely I got hassled for saying I enjoy the time I’m at uni and K is at daycare. It was OK until I said I enjoy it. What is that???

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  26. DN

    I do miss the single life sometimes, but I do agree that no amount of hot coffee or impromptu cocktails can make me happier than my boys. I know these days of little children crawling all over me will pass, and no doubt I will long for them. We always miss what we haven’t got, but should remember that the past is past and enjoy the moment we are in.

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  27. Ano

    Sucks to be you I guess?

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  28. Guest

    Yeah yeah yeah, it’s all true….except really, are all of you happier then you have ever been before? I was plenty happy before!! Yeah sure motherhood has it’s moments, but am I the only one that isn’t ‘happier’? Won’t hold my breath on this one….

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    • Mrs_H

      I see where you’re coming from. And most of the time I’m not “happier” than my party days.
      But I am happier than I was during my “transition” period. When all I really wanted was to be at home, when I was sick to death of always being on the go, when I started to want something more.
      I’m happy now. And I was happy then. I wouldn’t change anything.

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    • my thoughts

      It’s just a different happy. I was happy pre-kids & I’m happy with kids but what made/makes me happy in each of these stages is very different. Both stages have there good and bad but no point in being miserable if I don’t have to be.

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    • Kris2040

      I’m better than I was before, no question. But that’s because I’ve stopped smoking and drinking and eating crap.

      I got really pissed off when I kept seeing and hearing stuff about how “having children gives your life real meaning and a sense of why you’re here”. I think it’s an awful suggestion.

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    • Anna Sparkle

      Im really happy now, but i was really happy back then too, I loved every second of my youthful partying days, the new found independence and freedom, going out and experiencing new things with my girlfriends, when the adult world was shiny and inviting and i was no longer a child having to get permission from mum.
      There was a stage where my 4 closest girlfriends and i were going out together every single weekend, sometimes fri and sat night, and often spending the days together recovering at the beach or shopping for new outfits for our next night out etc. it was an absolute blast.
      Nowadays it is a struggle to get us all in the same place at the same time just once every few months.

      i look back so fondly on those days and memories and sometimes id do anything to go back there just to experience that freedom and that carefree, spontaneous fun again, although i know it would never be the same now as it was then.

      the only time i wasnt happy before i had kids was when the shine of adulthood partying was wearing off, when things changed, friends were growing up and moving away and getting busier with careers/partners and i was tired of going out – because it wasnt the same anymore- and longing to have a baby and it wasnt happening.

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    • Anonymous

      I do long for those days of partying and just having to take care of me, but I am happier now. All my friends from those days, except one, are still childless and partying and when I join them I do have fun but at the end of the night I think to myself that its still exactly the same as it was back then, nothing has changed (except the drugs they take have gotten harder) and it’s really kinda boring. I’ve been there, done that. life with kids is a brand new adventure every day! Though I have to admit last week when I had car trouble to multiple cars I did think how much easier it would be to deal with all those hassles if I was the only one affected by them (especially since the second lot of car trouble was entirely caused by my 3yo!)

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  29. Anonymous

    The spontaneity of at the last minute deciding to go to the movies and drinks has now turned into week long planning of who can babysit, preparing dinner in advance, juggling starting work early so I can finish earlier, tidying up the house so the babysitter doesn’t see the pig sty we normally live in all to end in cancellation because one of the cherubs have a temperature :-}. Love, love, love the last part of the article – I think ‘me’ time is important but I wouldn’t swap a billion days by myself for those precious moments with my kiddies.

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  30. denjoy08

    I am now of an age where my children have left the nest “Yes empty nesters” but i love this site, when my children were young, I would do anything to steal some time away from them and loved late night shopping even inventing late night meetings just to steal a couple of hours by myself. Even used to say okay it is now “mummy time” unless there is death or blood involved i don’t want to know, I would even hide in the toilet to get some peace. Now they are gone I look back on those days and think “no wonder my hair was grey by 40″ but I love them to bits. When they were learning to drive I would try to sneak out of the house without them knowing so I didn’t have to take them driving! I was desperate!

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    • Kath

      My hair turned grey at 30!!! Having 2 boys in 13 months did that to me. But I get ‘my’ time every 8 weeks when I go to the hairdresser!
      Every cloud has a silver (grey) lining!

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  31. FuFu

    I just want one hour alone at Target. Just one hour.

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  32. Betty

    Great article! My feeling of euphoria comes at 7pm when both kids are in bed and finally asleep. Woohoo, why yes, I will have that glass of wine, and leisurely check Facebook without 2 little people clambering over me to use the iPad.

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    • Angelina Ballerina

      Yes yes yes
      Oh God
      Yes

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      • Sam

        I am with you 100%. I love her, but when the clock say 7, omg, it’s like, bad mummy comes out, I don’t have to share.

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    • K80Boo

      My kids are 7, 9 & 11 & I still keep up the 7pm bed time… just because I need the down time.. and so do they. I was told by another mother the other day that my 11yo needs to be allowed to stay up later… but.. what for… TV is unsuitable for that age group at that time… what will she do apart from take over my quiet time…

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  33. Flickster

    I used to laugh at my mum swimming, sunglasses on, hair NOT wet, swimming in an awkward breast stroke style to keep said glasses and hair above the water.

    Caught myself doing this last summer – it was bright and had just washed my hair!! Sorry mum.

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    • Anon

      My mum swam in exactly the same way.

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      • hellopetal

        Mine too, hilarious!

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        • Nic73

          My mum just never swam………

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    • Mrs M

      Has to be 40 degrees for me to put my head under these days- except at the beach. And my day there now involves a child on my back and one hanging off my arm as we duck under the waves – no hands free for the frequent cossie malfunctions

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  34. MsZ

    List of things I said I’d never do (before motherhood) – that I now do.

    - leave the house without makeup (or even brushing my hair)
    - give up my job to stay home and look after the kids
    - own more tracksuit pants than any other type of pants
    - be responsible for my husbands laundry
    - pass up a great night out to stay at home and catch up on cleaning

    ok so I could easily fill about three pages with this stuff. Hopefully it gets better when they hit school (no really I am still deluding myself that that will be the case)

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    • Mum of 3

      I drive mine to school every Monday morning in my pjs as it is the one day I don’t have to get out of the car!

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      • Nic73

        Twice I drove the kids to school in my pyjamas. First time- got a flat tyre. Second time- hit a kangaroo. Please girls, think about this and get dressed (if not showered) before getting in the car!

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      • Mia

        Same!!!!!

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  35. Jess

    Totally agree with the grocery shopping. It’s me time

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    • Marie

      Oh yes me time! I remember one Sunday afternoon when i told my man we would have to do groceries today. He said oh i was hoping to take kids to the park. I said Sweet, you take them, after dropping me at the supermarket. He said Why would you want to go on your own?! Well duh! I said because i can have me time and do it with no kids interrupting! He went – oh. ( He finally got it!) Enuff said!

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  36. Mags

    The other night a pretended I needed to get something from the supermarket then spent a lovely half an hour browsing Aldi by myself at 7pm at night. Bliss

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    • Flickster

      I love this one, I’m going to adopt this as my technique also..So so funny. Also love “Silence was golden – now it means that something, somewhere in my house is about to be broken”.

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      • Suzie

        Silence in this house means Miss 4 has found a texta (we don’t share our textas, they are For Adults Only) and has painted her mouth, her hands, her fingernails, the floor…

        She wrote her name on the floor the other day (in Sharpie Black, thanks very much) and when I confronted her, she looked up at me blankly and said ‘oh mummy, it slipped’….

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        • Anonymous

          Last week my 4 year old found a permanent marker. She colored all over the tops of her legs then took off her undies and continued coloring. This was about an hour before her swimming lesson. I didn’t even try to wash it off, just got her to wear her swimmers with the boy-leg pants.
          And like your daughter, she’s great with the completely straight-faced lies!

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    • BecR

      I just did this last night! I left during the bed and bath routine and went to Woolies to buy expensive deli foods and chocolate … All stuff we didn’t need

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  37. Anon

    I don’t like my son’s school friends. I think they are a bad influence!!! He’s getting into trouble for the first time in his primary school years (he’s in yr 6). I can’t wait until he goes to high school next year so he can (hopefully) get away from these boys.

    This is exactly what my mother used to say about my sister’s friends. Agh!

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  38. Mrs M

    A few of my close friends and I now call each other by our mum’s names……. I even pulled out the old line yesterday to my 11 year old daughter “I don’t care if you don’t like me right now. I’m not here to be your friend, I’m here to be your mother” God help me- I’ve turned into Marion!

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  39. Renae

    “The feeling of euphoria that I used to feel when dancing upon a podium after 15 drinks, I now get when I hear my vacuum suck up a piece of lego.”

    Bahahahaha! So so true!!!

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    • Sam

      You have just made my day, thank you for the laugh, that you gave me.

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    • Mickie

      I love love love the sound of lego getting sucked into the vacuum, if only the LPS crap would fit properly. Kids are on to me now, they empty the vacuum cleaner into a bucket and sift out their toys.
      My sister bought our 6 year old son a million (looks like it) piece lego kit from Star Wars, who the hell buys the Milleniumfrickenfalcon for a 6 YEAR OLD?!?!
      It’s ok though, she is the mother of my Favourite Nephew and I have found a wonderful electric guitar with amp to give him for Christmas. Revenge is sweet :)

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  40. Absolute Amy

    Oh I so hear you on this post! I even hear myself saying things my mum has always said, and am tucked up in bed by 8.30pm most nights. My happiness is a tidy house, sleeping toddler, candle burning and a cup of tea :) A x

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    • Kat

      Oh that is SO my happiness too!! The husband takes the kids out so I can clean while listening to my ‘embarassing’ music then sit down and enjoy it for five minutes

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  41. Natasha

    Great article!

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