“She’s an evil bitch with no morals and I don’t want my daughter having anything to do with her. It kills me that when she visits her father, SHE’S there.”
That’s the response I received when I asked a friend of mine about ‘the other woman’ in her ex-husband’s life.
She’s currently grappling with divorce. Actually, that’s not true. The divorce she’s fine with. It’s the role of her ex’s new partner which is causing the stress. The ‘other woman’ played a key role in the destruction of the marriage. She tends to ply my friend’s daughter with gifts whenever she sees her. She took it upon herself to take my friend’s six-year-old to get her ears pierced without thinking to – you know – first ask my friend for permission. And it doesn’t help that she’s younger. And thinner.
But as common as these “evil mistress” stories are, it’s important to remember that it’s not always that way. Sometimes, the new partner becomes a much loved part of the family. And sometimes the new partner gives the child (caught in the middle of a messy divorce) the attention and love they crave, as author Jodyne L Speyer writes about in this post on Jezebel …
“I loved the woman who ended my parents’ marriage. She was not a bitch or a whore; she was lovely, and more importantly, she loved me during a time when neither of my parents had the energy to express theirs.
We saw each other every other weekend when my father had custody of me. She had perfect brown hair that reached all the way down her back, wore oversized, stylish 70′s plastic glasses and spoke with a thick, upstate New York accent that I found enormously comforting.
Like many other other women, she had been told my parents’ marriage was over long before she came into the picture. All I knew was that when she looked at me with her kind brown eyes I immediately felt less invisible in the world.
During the divorce, my parents’ time for me was always limited. This was not the case with the other woman. Her time felt limitless. She took me shopping for my very first Christmas tree, sang songs to me while I took a bath, and she brushed my hair until all the snarls came out. She was the only person who wrapped their arms around me, giving me hope that everything was going to be okay. The other woman never had snide messages for me to deliver to my mother or father.
Then one day I showed up to my father’s apartment and found her gone. The closet that once held her fashionable east coast clothes now had someone else’s clothes hanging in it. She had been replaced by another other woman. I cried as my father delivered the news that I would never see her again.
When parents divorce, there is careful consideration that goes into when the best time to introduce their children to a new partner is. But thought also needs be given to how to properly honor and protect that relationship should the romance end. As the years passed, barely a day went by that I didn’t think of the other woman. Was she married? Did she have a child whose hair she brushed? Did she love him or her the way she loved me? Did she remember me?”
You can read the rest of the post here.
The beautiful thing is that the writer is now back in touch with her dad’s old girlfriend and they are a part of each other’s lives.
But how about you? If your parents’ divorced, did any of their subsequent partners have a positive impact on you? If you’re currently divorced with kids, how important is it that your children get on with your new partner and vice versa?
Comments
94 Comments so far
My step-dad is my dad. He has no children of his own & my mum already had her tubes tied when they met. So here was this poor man who was lumped with a sullen 14yr old who constantly picked fights with him (boy did we blue). My Dad has been the saving grace for me in many ways (my biological father is a story for another time – he is no longer accepted in my life – despite my mum & stepdad’s encouragement to allow him back into my life). John Mayer says ‘fathers be good to your daughters, they will love like you do’ and usn’t that the truth. Lucky for me I had my gorgeous wonderful generous living stepdad & mum’s relationship to show me tge way. Without his stern & loving influence I wiuldn’t be tge woman I am today (and yes, I used the you’re not my dad comment when I was a bratty teenager). He is a light in my life & next may he gives me away at my wedding. It was a hard road for both of us, but that’s families & that’s parenting and that’s marriage. I am ever grateful to the ‘other’ woman who was the final nail in the coffin of my biological parents marriage. So thank you Nikki Lane for allowing me to end up with a dad who didn’t emotionally abuse me, who treatsmy mum like a princess, who is an honest, hardworking, honorable, well rounded, thoughtful, caring, warm, sensible stand-up guy.
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I can’t begin to thank Priestess Munak enough for the love attractor spell she did for me. I have since met a guy from work – who hadn’t noticed me before! We have had several dates and it’s going really well – I think this is the real thing, and this guy is really caring and loving, he has started talking about coming together as man nad wife.
it will be so good to fall into the hands of a hand that really knows hoe to take care and love a woman.
priestess munak, you are really a priestess of the gods, your spell made all this possible, i would have been lost without you and your spell.
I would advice and encourage everyone to meet priestess munak on any situations, her spell is wonderful.
i met her online and you can reach her just as i did through her email address. priestessmunak@gmail.com
thank you great priestess.
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My Name is Anderson..I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i went to Africa to Execute some business..He is really powerful..My wife divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have her back cos i really love her so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and she woke up one morning and she told me she’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when she came back from work she tender to me a divorce letter and she packed all her loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have her back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years…So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for her full name and her picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos have tried so many spell casters and there is no solution…so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that she’s with a man and that man is the reason why she left me…The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring her back.but i never believe all this…he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,she called me herself and came to me apologizing and she told me she will come back to me..I cant believe this,it was like a dream cos i never believe this will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no solution..The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and my wife got pregnant a month later..we are now happy been together again and with lovely kid..This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him..he has helped many friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to him..This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster have ever experienced in life..Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out..you can reach him here: vadoospell@gmail.com
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I have been thinking alot about this post. I have been a full-time stepmother for over 6 years to an 11 and 12 year old after their mother met someone on the internet and moved overseas. If you asked their mother, she would tell you that I broke up her marriage and ruined her life but if you ask me, when I met my now husband he was living alone and going through divorce proceedings. So I don’t believe I split up their marriage.
My 12 year old told her mother I was mean but when asked why I was mean, she said because I tell her what to do, like clean her room (once a fortnight I might add) and unpack the dishwash (her only choir). So do I believe that eveything a child says about their stepparent is true, no. Is it a hard job, yes. But do I love both my stepchildren unconditionally, yes. I have to say it has been the hardest job to do. While I have a fabulous relationship with both my stepchildren, I think alot of their resentment to me is because they struggle with the fact that their mother left them. I do think we can provide for them better than their mother and stepfather but I think regularly about their emotional wellbeing and how it is being affected by not being with their mother.
I hope that when they grow up they continue to have a strong relationship with me and their baby sister but I also do not believe that it is going to be smooth sailing through the teenage years.
I also at times harbour some resentment about no one (including their mother that pays no child support) acknowledging everything I have given up to parent my stepchildren. I don’t do it for the glory, I do it for love but it would be nice for her to be thankful for the fact that I am the one there when they are sick, when they are upset about a fight with a friend, when my daughter got her period and the list goes on. Unfortunately I don’t think that day is ever going to come. I have regularly reached out and asker their mother to put the past behind us for the sack of the children but she can never manage to do this.
I often wonder that if I knew then what I know now would I do it all over again. Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
Sorry that was all over the place jumbled.
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Oh if someone didn’t love my kids at least as much as I do, then they wouldn’t even stand a chance having a date with me, let alone getting into my pants. Same goes for my kids too. if I started dating someone and my kids loathed them, that would be a strong indicator that I should re-consider the relationship with the man. My kids will always come first. Aint NOTHING wrong with being single.
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I have had a similar experience, however I think it’s contraversial to say ‘I love the man who ended my parent’s marriage’. Although they did have an affair, that was simply a symptom of a mistreated and unhappy wife.
My parents got a divorce after 13 years, when I was three. Both have had the same partner since the divorce (17 years). I’ve always known that my mother and step father fell in love while they were both married; however I only found out that they had had an affair a few years ago. I had overheard an argument between my father and step mother where she yelled, ‘Why do you care about her? She didn’t care about you, she had an affair’.
As hurtful as it was to hear that, I felt no anger towards my mother or step father whatsoever – only anger towards my step mother for making a tired example of how much Mum cared about Dad.
Having my step father in my life, along with his two sons, my two sisters and mother, is the biggest blessing I have ever recieved. My step father is the most incredible person I have ever met and I have grown up to be strong and thoughtful because of the way he and my mother raised me.
I have never met a couple as in love as my parents (mum and step father), or a family as happy and hilarious as mine. I only hope that one day I will find someone who will love me and my children the way he loves.
Writing this had made me tear up. I am so lucky.
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Well I have read all 85 comments on here! It is very interesting to me at this time as I have an almost 8mth old little boy and his father and I have separated. I absolutely DREAD the appearance of another mother figure in his life even though logically I know that someone that loves him and cares for him is the best for him. The funny thing is that I have also been the ‘step parent’ before. I dated a guy for some time who had a baby girl (his marriage broke up during the pregnancy – looking back that was a big warning sign really but I was young).. I remember thinking how it must please the ex that I was willing to be so involved and caring towards her daughter but oh my it must has also broke her heart. I can see that now. I also have step parents and siblings as well as a half brother so I can relate from that side to but it’s funny, all that knowledge just goes out of my head and is replaced by pure emotion when I think of someone else mothering my gorgeous little boy.
Anyway, we aren’t there yet but we will be soon enough so I just need to figure out a way to deal with it. From the stories on here it seems that an antagonistic ex is usually a big problem so I need to make sure I’m not that. The thing that pleases me the most is that most of the stories have positive things to say about step parents so I will focus on trying to make it the same for my child.
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My ex-husbands partner also had a role in ending our marriage. And while I don’t personally like her I have forgiven both of them for the lies and infedility. I grappled with the fact that she was going to be dealing with my children on a regular basis, but forgiveness was the best thing that ever happened to me. First of all, my kids are never going to love her the way they love me. But as long as she’s respectful towards them and civil to me – we have no beef. I encourage my kids to talk about their time with their dad and his partner. Second of all, it takes a village to raise a child and personally I think their dad needs the help. Lastly – I would have stayed in that unhappy marriage forever if it wasn’t for her. Infidelity was the one thing I knew was my deal breaker. And thank goodness for that because my life is happy, passionate, loving, giving, fun without that marriage. Is my life perfect? Hell no. But it’s damn straight better than it ever was and all I want is for my kids to be happy. And if that means they’re happy when they are with the “other” woman, then so be it.
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My parents split when I was 11. I feel I avoided at least some of the step-parent drama by refusing to have contact with my father from about 14 on (I did meet, Marianne, the woman he was dating at the time, we called her Mary-man because 13yo me told my mother she looked like a tranny. She was also an accessory to the theft of my mother’s heirloom jewellery, but that’s a different story).
My mother has been with her current partner for about 7-8 years now. I was still a grumpy, damaged tween at the time, and he was a 45yo who had never been around kids. We didn’t get along. It was both our faults at the time, but as I grew up and matured and decided to suck it up for Mama’s benefit, he didn’t. He continued to torment me and scold her for always choosing me and my siblings (both older than me and out of the home) over him. Around 18 or 19 I was absolutely determined to make nice with him because he “made her happy”. It was then that it became clear that, actually, he didn’t. Mama and I have always been very close, and apparently I was now old enough to be her confidante. She calls me in tears over their fights, has told me numerous times that selling her house and moving in with him was a huge mistake, that’s she’s looked for somewhere else to live, etc etc etc. I believe they still love each other, but even though she’s only about 6 years older than him, there’s about 30 years difference in maturity. The number of times I’ve seen her slip into mother mode just to get him to do something simple like put his plate in the dishwasher; the times he’s verbally abused her because he doesn’t like a joke he overheard me make to my boyfriend or because she had a glass of wine with dinner (after he’s had a case of XXXX to himself that day); it makes me feel sick. And I don’t know how to help her, other than not rising to his bait. I am just determined not to make this any harder on her. I admit I don’t have perfect self-control, I’m still a bit of a hothead. And at Christmas when he turned his drunken abuse on my innocent bystander boyfriend just to piss me off, I admit I snapped. It’s a really tough situation for me, but mostly my concern is for my mother, who is everything to me.
Also, slightly off topic, but related: When I was about 15 my brother got himself the first decent girlfriend he ever had. They ended up being together for about 5 years, and she and I became good friends over that time. My brother and I usually get along, but being 8 years older, he has a tendency to look at me as a kid still, and therefore talk to me as such. His girlfriend, M, treated me like an equal and invited me out to spend time with them, etc. They split a year and a half ago and I was pretty upset about it. Partly because I didn’t agree with the scummy way he went about the breakup, partly because he was pretty upset too, and partly because I thought I was going to lose a good friend in my need to be a loyal sister. He encouraged me to stay friends with her, and I’m very glad. But then he turned around and accused me of “choosing her over him”. Balancing social situations around them both has been tough, although made easier by him moving out of state recently.
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37 years ago i became a step mum. i loved them as my own, i tell them its all their fault i have two of my own who have caused me a few sleepless nights. why? because the step kids were so great.
I can not understand any body not loving a child, it is not their fault that there is divorces or conflict.
the only hassle i have is standing back when their real mum is there being the “grand mum” or at family gatherings when the real mum is there for speeches. although it has paid off in the fact that the grand children see me as “real” .
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This is my third comment on this post, and I’ve never posted a comment on this site before. But I’m so moved and inspired by all the POSITIVE stories shared about step parenting… although I appreciate that every situation is different. Kate B there are lots of us who share the same experience as you.
To all the other step parents out there who do such a great job, here is another happy story to make you smile…
Today is my birthday and the first call I received this morning at 7.30am was from the kids before they went to school. I was so happy! There is no better birthday gift in the world and they are coming to spend the night with us to celebrate because they want to. I became a stepmum young. Its the road less travelled but I count my blessings every day and wouldn’t have it any other way. Good luck to you all.
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Happy birthday Vanessa… X
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My dad had an affair with another woman when I was 6. A year later, he told my mum. Then 7, I had two younger sisters 5 & 1.5 years old. I was old enough to understand every fight, and that my mum was absolutely shattered. My dad cheating on her was absolutely the hardest thing she ever went through and I admire here to this day for getting through it and managing to raise 3 young women. We have a good relationship with our dad, we love him and he loves us. There were some very dark times over the past 20 years, his guilt is the most heartbreaking thing. When I was a teenager he told me that he had so many regrets and thy he really fucked up his life. He is a man who will carry this until the day he dies. He was foolish, selfish and deluded. I forgive him, and so does my mother, for what he did.
The woman he had the affair with however, I do not forgive. She is a nasty, manipulative person who made it very clear she wanted control of our family and wanted to leave my mum in the dust. It has been 20 years and for the last 10 I’ve made an effort to accept she is my dads partner but I do not respect her and I never will. My dad knows this and also just accepts. It’s complicated beyond words but we do what we can to survive. My younger sisters are more easy going (sort of) with her because they dont remember a time where mum and dad were together. They didnt hear the conversations, the name calling, the manipulation.
This other woman took my middle sister to get her ears pierced at 7. When she came home, my mum was so furious (normally a calm quiet woman) it was horrible. She took the earings out. My sister was confused but it was the best thing to do. The move made by my dads partner was totally evil and I know she did it just to punish my mum. A million little things like this happened throughout our childhood and although the drama and hurt is gone, I will never forget the way my dads partner treated my heartbroken mother- and I will never forgive her.
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My mother and (step)dad met when I was two. Dad is the best father I could have ever asked for. I gained a wonderful set of grandparents who cherished me, loved me, and are very proud of me. Photos of me sit on the mantelpiece at my step-grandparents along with the biological grand kids. I’ve never felt like I wasn’t a real grandkid.
Step dad was the one who red me stories, brought me up right, put band aids on my boo boos and loved me. I love him very much and I’m so happy that my mum found him.
It’s other people with the damn problem. There’s so much hostility towards step parents. There are many negative fairy tales, stories in the media, everyone always hears the story of the-friend-of-a-friend-of-mine with the horrible step parent. Overwhelmingly my friends and I have had lovely positive relationships with our step parents.
I’d be devastated if mum and dad broke up. But I know that it wouldn’t matter in the long run. I’d still see my step dad and be a huge part of his family like always.
And yelling at the step parent for taking the kids for a haircut? be glad you didn’t have to sit through the torture and cost of taking three kids who don’t want to go to the hairdresser, to the hairdresser!
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I have no time for my Dad’s GF (1 reason my parents split). Not because I’m bitter and twisted but because I don’t like her. I’ve called her everything under the sun (when I was angry) but now I don’t want to see her because she is just weird. She makes him happy which is good but our catch ups exclude her presence.
I was 25 when all this happened I feel sorry for children younger who have to deal with this. Being older was hard because you know more about each circumstance.
Too “the other” woman respect the child’s space, there’s nothing worse than a pushy step-mum.
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I’m a (nearly, officially as of October this year) stepmother to my fiance’s wonderful 4 year old son. I love him to bits and we have a really wonderful relationship! I hope that it lasts. I’ve sort of prepared myself for the future, when I’m sure I’ll have it yelled at me ‘You’re not my mum!’ but you never know! We only get to see him every 4-6 weeks as we live in Sydney and he lives with his mum and her partner in Newcastle, but we hope that once I find full time work (just finished my degree) and I get my driver’s license and we get a car, we’ll see him more frequently.
He’s just gone home today after spending the weekend with us and we’ve been seeing him more now that he’s in Newcastle (they moved 5 months ago from Melbourne).
I work really hard to show him that I love him as much as I will my kids when I have them, and I hope that when he’s older he understands that even though his Dad and I weren’t in his day-to-day life face-to-face, that our arms and door were always open to him.
It is really hard sometimes, being a stepmum… especially at 27 years of age. I often feel ‘stuck’ – I’m not quite accepted by the parents as ‘one of them’, and (besides my two closest friends) some of my friends tend to forget about me because they have started seeing me as a parent who is no longer capable of fun! I was actually at my good friend’s son’s 1st birthday recently and one of their friends, upon learning that I had no kids of my own yet, told me that it “didn’t count” that I was a stepmum to a kid I saw for a weekend every few weeks. I felt like saying “Well buddy, you try loving a kid more than anything, only seeing them every few weeks and being responsible for keeping them alive and happy, but never getting to be called Mum, of watching your partner look and feel hurt when they have to say goodbye AGAIN for several weeks”. I was really offended! I didn’t know the guy so couldn’t say anything, but jeez it pissed me off!
I know there’s some less than desirable stepparents out there, but I hope that people realise that it’s a really hard position sometimes, and most of us try hard to take and love our stepkids!
I know also that some people don’t like the term ‘step’ – I actually like it. People right awya know my relationship to my boy, and to his Dad. I don’t like being called a bonus parent to be honest… am I a friend of his parents? His mother’s partner? I like that people know who I am, and it certainly doesn’t make me love my (step)son any less!
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I feel you. 26 year old stepmother here, been a stepmother since 23.
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My partner and I have a 20 year age gap. We have a young baby too.
He’s got 2 kids to his ex and 2 grandkids so I’m a 30 year old stepmum and stepgrandmum…..funny I know. The grandkids love spending time with me but his daughter and his ex hate that. His ex claims she has moved on with her life but tells him she doesn’t trust me around the kids and the grandkids. It’s sad and I hope the grandkids never find out how their mum and nan actually felt the whole time. Luckly he knows me inside out and doesn’t care what his ex says but I don’t know what to do anymore.
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This post really struck a chord with me, as I live a life where stepparents are totally the norm. Not only am I a stepparent myself, but I have been a stepchild and a step-grandchild (if that makes sense). I met the love of my life four years ago, and he just happened to have kids. I would never have chosen this situation, but you can’t always choose the person who ignites every cell in your body with love.
For the most part, my life as a stepmum is easy and fun. We’ve had our moments, but it’s generally okay. I find that it becomes easier the more that my partner’s ex (the kids’ mum) is not in the picture in a day-to-day sense, and I don’t have to see her or deal with her. I don’t mean that in a snide or negative way, but I think it’s human nature to feel some degree of animosity towards the person who once loved your Beloved and then hurt him so badly. We had issues with her interfering and undermining, but that has been resolved and since then, it’s been pretty great. That said, I’m well aware that I’m not the kids’ mum and I would never overstep my boundaries. I don’t take them for haircuts or make big decisions in their lives. I’ve gone to parent-teacher interviews, but only as support for my partner and also so that our entire family can be on the same page with what’s expected vis-a-vis homework etc. I’m not their parent and I don’t try to be. That said, I have skills and resources that neither of their parents have, and I won’t deny them the chance to benefit from these! I don’t really care if it makes their mum jealous!
I was also a stepchild – up until twelve months ago. My parents broke up when I was 14 (I’m 29 now) and both repartnered very quickly – so I had two new stepparents from age 15 onward. We all had our conflicts and problems, but, for better or worse, both my stepmum and my stepdad became a big part of my life.
Fast forward more than a decade, and – in some weird parallel coincidence thing – both my parents have recently broken up with their partners in the last year. I’m kind of sadder about this than I thought I would be. It felt really weird not inviting them to my engagement party and not having them involved in my adult life anymore. Although I wasn’t best friends with either of them, you just get used to having certain people around. Their loss has definitely left a hole.
So as well as being a stepmum and a stepchild, I also happen to have the best step-grandad a person could have! Richie has been my Mum’s stepdad (can you keep track) since Mum was 12. He’s been the only grandfather I’ve ever known, and I could quite confidently say that nobody on earth loves me as much as he does. I’ve never felt so unconditionally loved by anyone as I do by him. And HIS mum (my step-great-grandma!) and I are also very close. She’s beautiful, funny, non-judgmental, and loves me to bits. She’s my brother’s godmother and is absolutely adored by everyone in my family.
I’m not planning on any children of my own, so my stepkids are it for me. With that knowledge in mind, I really do try to maintain a happy relationship with them. I hope to be a fabulous step-grandma to their kids one day, the way that my grandad has been to me. Stepparents can make a wonderful contribution. If they’re allowed.
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‘Stepparents can make a wonderful contribution. If they’re allowed.’
I really enjoyed reading your story. Thanks for sharing.
Like most things in life its amazing how people are prepared to comment & pass verbal judgement on situations that they know nothing about. Or assume that all step parents, step kids & exes are ‘horrible’. I really wish there were more happy real stories about step families in the media generally. It can be a difficult relationship, but when it works out the love & role of a caring step parent can be a blessing to a child. I like the way Tim Robbins describes his role as the ‘bonus parent’. All of the adults in the situation both parents and new partners’ feelings and roles are to be respected and validated, but at the end of the day parenting is about the kids, right? They often handle things better than the adults anyway.
Step grandparents… I love it!
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when i grow back to France, i have to secretly see my aunt’s ex, who is the father of their kids. She gets annoyed that i have maintained a rship.
For goodness sake, he was in my life from birth unil my mid 20s when they broke up.
Grow up!
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I’m so glad this story has been published but I’m a disappointed in the title, because it doesn’t at all reflect the piece. How about ‘Most stepmother’s are lovely’ or something that doesn’t reflect a cliché that is in most cases is a lie. Most stepmums don’t break up marriages and are not evil. Most are just women who happen to find thier love of their life with children. Like the article indicates most do everything in their power to heal the past, create a life of their own and have a wonderful relationship with everyone including the mother of the children in their family.
Its not easy for anyone in the situation, but there is so much good that can come out of a bad situation. Most stepmum’s have the utmost respect for the irreplacable role of the mother and the mother’s feelings. Sometimes its not easy doing the work of the mother at home, but always having to react to choices made by the parents. Most people never consider or talk about the feelings of the new partner, although it can be an incredibly rewarding experience. I believe everything happens for a reason. I applaud all the wonderful stepmums (and dads)!
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Agreed, well said.
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Brilliantly written Vanessa. I’m a step-mum having met my husband after he divorced his wife. He had one little boy (3 at the time) so the little boy didn’t really know any different. I have been with hubby for 14 years now – his ex refuses to ever meet me, bad mouthed me (without even knowing me at all) to her son, so that he would come over and tell me things like ‘i hate you because you are ugly’. I’d wake up early with him and do his reading, help with school projects, organise family holidays etc only to be told on the next visit that his mum had gotten angry with him for having me help him do stuff and i wasn’t allowed to help anymore because she’d get upset. we’d give him presents and they would ‘disappear’ when he got back to his mum’s place. all these years on and doing our best to be there for him, he’s now told us that we haven’t been part of his life. divorce and repartnering is never easy on anyone.
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My father married a terrible woman. I so desperately wanted a mother figure but ended up with a monster. I’ll write a book about it one day.
To all the stepmums, I wish you well. Your partner’s children are vulnerable little things, even if at times they drive you up the wall. Kids don’t ask to be put in these situations, they want love, stability and above all no screaming matches, slamming doors and constant tension. A friend of mine is stepmother to two boys whose parents have been engaged in a 5 year battle of mutual self destruction. The boys are, quite frankly, horrid. My friend is being driven demented by it all, and on top of that she has a child from the current relationship. She doesn’t want this child to suffer but it seems inevitable as her partner and his ex wife seem incapable of acting like adults.
I’m so happy to know that the author is in touch with ‘the other woman’. It’s a beautiful ending to the story.
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My mum started dating a guy, Dave, when I was 12, and they were together for 5 years. My sisters and I spent a lot of time with him, and when my mum and Dave broke up, my sisters and I were upset that we would no longer see Dave. My mum made sure that was not that case, as hard as they have been during their break up. Dave has been a huge part of my life ever since. 12 years on from that break up my sister and I consider Dave our (second) Dad. He comes to Christmas and birthdays, we all catch up with him at least once a week, Dave even bought a house near to where we all live. It’s sometimes hard to explain to people who Dave is to my sisters and I, but he is as much as family as my mum, my dad and my step mum
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Love my step mother to bits, she is brilliant, she came into my sisters and my life when I was 16, and my sister 12, our mother had committed suicide and she was like a breath of fresh air, she pulled us all back together and taught us how to be a family, she and my father welcomed a baby and at 17 it was pretty cool to have a new born in your life. Now 22 years later she is like my best friend, and we get on like a house on fire.
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This post makes me feel, above all else, desperate to make my marriage work. The thought of someone taking my daughter off at age six to have her ears pierced makes steam come out my ears. I can’t fathom what I’d do if it actually happened.
I’m off to organise a date night.
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Im a mum of a 3 yr old daughter and have been separated (now divorced) from her father for 2 yrs. My exhusband introduced me to his new girlfriend about 5 months after we split, I expected that I’d hate her and didn’t really like the thought of her looking after my daughter. Once I met her, and now I know her a little better, I’ve come to like her. I even think we could be friends one day… When she’s a bit more comfortable around me. I think she thinks I’m goin to yell at her or something.
It’s also comforting to read this and know that step families can be positive. I’ve now got a new partner and we have been together for almost a year. My new partner is probably more of a father to my daughter and they have a really great bond together. I feel better knowing that other people out there have positive experiences with step dads and have grown to love and respect them over time. I only hope that my daughter has that experience for both of her step parents.
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Im a stepmum. One of my partners children only speaks to me if she has to and refuses to acknowledge her 8mth old half sister. Wont even look at her. Its hard on everyone, sometimes acceptance is a long process.
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She will come around if you continue to remember that as the adult it is your responsibility to be the mature one in the relationship. You may not like her either, but with you being the mature person, she should never know that. Give her the understanding she needs and she will move forward and it will be better for everyone. Children are the innocent victims of separation and it’s an awfully painful ride. Good luck!
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I can only echo this.
How old is the child? At the risk of asking a silly question, do you know why she does this? Has her father asked her about it?
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Stepkids don’t always find acceptance or come good. A friend of my sisters became a young (late 20′s/early 30′s?) stepmum to 2, a mid (boy) and a late teen. (girl). She did not break up the marriage and moved in with the already seperated father in a share house arrangement initially. When the stepkids were older (late teens/early 20′s), she and their father married and had a baby girl. The female step sister was absolutely vicious and awful towards the child, so much so that she was asked not to visit, to protect the little girl mentally (& I possibly physically). Sad really as the youngest child is lovely and this girl misses out on all the cute kiddy moments and is missing her half sister growing up. The boy was initially hostile, but has become reasonable as grows older and is allowed contact with his younger sister and dotes on her. Best interests of the baby needed to be considered as the older children were not being reasonable (I think there was coaching on part of their mother).
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I think its important to remember she had no choice about this relationship being in her life. She needs time to adjust to it. Its really important to allow her to have time with her father alone, as she was in his life before you were. And she may still be struggling with the idea of having to share him with even more people now. The father daughter relationship is a special one and she obviously feels that is being threatned by you and the new baby. Good luck.
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Step parents can have a hard time adjusting also. It is not always our fault and we are also allowed to feel over it sometimes too.
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Sometimes there is also no excuse for a child’s bad behaviour especially when it gets out of hand. There comes a point where it is not acceptable anymore. The step parents also deserves some basic respect.
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I don’t think anyone is saying it’s the step parents fault, anon, and yes, rose, there should be a level of respect on both sides.
I think we need to remember, however, that in many of these cases we’re dealing with children who’ve had the rug pulled out from underneath them and have had their lives turned upside down. Adults need to act like adults, and parents need to parent. When adults start using their children as pawns in their battles you’re not going to have ‘normal’ children.
In some cases, though, kids are brats! That’s where strong, consistent parenting comes in. If parents are allowing their children to behave badly towards their new partners with no consequences for their actions, I’d be asking myself if I wanted to stay around for that.
There’s no hard and fast rules. Damaged kids need a bit of understanding and time, but they also need boundaries and firm, loving parenting.
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But when the step parent is the adult they have chosen to be in that situation. The child hasnt.
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The beautiful thing is that the writer is now back in touch with her dad’s old girlfriend and they are a part of each other’s lives.
That’s lovely to read.
My brother was the stepdad to a little girl from birth until she was 10. (He met the child’s mother while she was pregnant). When the relationship broke up the girl’s mother wouldn’t allow him to see the child any more as he wasn’t her biological father and she wanted the child to start thinking of another man (the new man in her life) as daddy.
When the child turned 17 she tracked down my brother and now she is a part of his life once again. I was really happy for him, for both of them, when that happened.
a side issue
I’ve always considered infidelity to be a symptom of an unhappy marriage, not the cause of it.
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I’m a little confused. Although it is a beautifully written piece. Are we talking about a man/woman who has an affair and leaves to begin a new relationship, and the children then receiving support from the woman/man who helped destroy the child’s security in the first place? A new parent after a divorce or separation is a lot different to a person installing themself in your life through an act of utter disrespect.
The ear piercing thing happened to a girlfriend of mine, after she had made clear that was important to her that she be the one to do it. My friend was very classy about it, publicly. I know what she would have liked to have done, and we both hope the actions this woman continues to take in pushing for a reaction will one day come back and bite her in the arse. Sometimes the only thing you have left is your dignity, but how sad the bitch will be remembered by the child for these moments stolen from the mother, quite purposefully…
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Put it in perspective, it’s an ear getting pierced, it’s not worth sweating the little things,
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no, sorry i believe that you are wrong. in our household, ear piercing is a rite of passage, only to be achieved the year before high school. you could also say, it’s only a tattoo. it’s permanent and i belive should be at the discretion of the parent(s).
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Fair enough if you have a family thing with ear piercing. However, it’s nothing like a tattoo. If you don’t like the pierced ear, then take the ear ring out, it soon grown over. You can’t do that with a tattoo.
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Shane, I have to respectfully disagree. I would view my child’s body as inviolate and were anyone to alter my child’s body in any way, I would be furious.
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Natski you’ve won me over, you’re right, I suppose I’d be a bit cranky if someone did that to my daughter.
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i think my Chinese accupuncturist said that ear holes unbalances you meridians or something and it stuffs up your Chi. Or ying. Or something.
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Having a childs ears pierced is akin to getting a tattoo in my house. Something that isnt treated lightly and certainly something that isnt considered appropriate or attractive on a child. My girls know they have to wait until they’re 15. If anyone over ruled my decision there would be hell to pay.
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Lu,
I’m not really trying to be argumentative, but if your child’s ears get pierced, just take the damn thing out and it grows over. It’s not a tattoo, and not even close to the permanency of a tattoo.
I’ve told you a million times not to exagerate.
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It’s a bit lose/lose though isn’t it, Shane? Fun, funky stepmum lets young girl get her ears pierced, even though mean old mummy has said she has to wait until she is 12 so she doesn’t look like a bogan (or whatever) but then, even worse, mean old mummy makes daughter take new earrings out!
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It sure is Trixie, but then, life isn’t always fair is it?
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Its not the actual holes in the ears, its the act of overstepping the mark. Any step mother who did that clearly knew she was doing the wrong thing just to cause trouble. By the simple fact that most girls want their ears pierced and if they havent had them done its mostly because mum doesnt want them done yet.
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Not quite sure why I think this but I think I would make a lovely step mum maybe because as a school counsellor I know all the bad things not to do to stepchildren.. Although I m probably looking at it thru rise tinted glasses I m sure it’s got to b a tough gig especially if the step children are older…
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Absolutely it’s harder Katie. My two step-daughters are now adults, but were teens when I met them, now outright said that they hate me.
I am a mild-mannered social worker who works with young people. Go figure. I’m not blameless, but I differently think it’s harder when they’re older. My own kids (also adults) love their step-dad though, so that’s some recompense.
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Thanks for your response Milliemyer
its good to have a real perspective on being a stepmother . Glad u got some real positives out of your situation 
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I am in a situation were the ex wife has a severe mental health disorder. Restraining orders and police welfare checks are in place but nothing stops the hatred directed to me by my partner’s ex.
She does everything she can to try and make her beautiful four year old daughter who has been in my life since she was two hate me. It is agony watching that blessed little face crumple in fear when we hear her mother coming up the drive to collect her. I breaks our hearts to have her repeat the things her mother teaches her to say about me but we remain determined to be the stable loving home that she can come to every other weekend and once during the week.
I am a qualified psychologist with over 20 years experience dealing with mental health – I just don’t know how laypeople cope!
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I actually really like my ex partner’s girlfriend. She loves my daughter and I’m not jealous about the time they spend together, which surprised me, I thought I would be. Its funny how many people ask me if I hate her, or try to pick apart her appearance, or her age. She’s 10 years younger than me, she’s thinner, and she is beautiful. But she loves the man who fathered my child, he’s happy and so is my daughter. And I think its brilliant.
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I’m so glad to hear your comment as I’m sure many others are. Thanks for sharing. I wish it was always that easy. It does take all parties to be willing to create that situation and most of the time there will be one peson who refuses to appreciate anyone else’s feelings or perspective but their own. I’m happy for you all.
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Oh gosh no, it wasn’t easy in the beginning, we went through several court cases in the year after she was born. My ex was a drug addict and has since completely turned his life around, clean for 2 years now. Out of sheer determination from both of us, we kept working on having a good relationship for our daughter’s sake and are now actually friends. I agree, it takes both sides to make it work- both of us have had to make compromises and forgive each other for things in the past. Not everyone is willing to do that- usually one side won’t budge. If only they would realise it takes so much more energy to stay bitter than to make things better.
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Sie gutes schreiben gutes! Wie! Mein reichlich vorhandener Gast!
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I was going to say the same thing!
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Sorry, couldnt get past the ears pierced bit. I would hit the roof if someone did that to my child.
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I would too. My friend sent her kids off to their Dads house and his new girlfriend cut both of the kids hair, and didn’t do a very good job of it either… she was really pissed off when they got home sporting wonky haircuts.
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OMG! I would be furious, thats unforgivable.
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I’d be absolutely ropable too!
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My friend’s 10 year old came back with shaped plucked eyebrows!
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WTF? I’d be furious if my daughter came home with shaped eye brows at 10! Makes you wonder what the stepmum will do when the daughter’s a bit older.
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Any wonder some women cant cope with their ex husbands new partner. That, I’m sorry, was nothing more than an action to piss the childs mother off and stamp on her toes. Fair enough, treating nits or taking them to the Dr when they’re sick. But plucking their eyebrows, cutting their hair and piercing their ears is a gross invasion of the childs privacy and the mothers authority.
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Oh yes god forbid a step mother actually did something pleasant or fun with the kids.
Glad to know it’s okay for me to clean the nits out of my step childrens hair though. Phew. I’m guessing it’s okay for me to change the sheets if they throw up when they are sick too? Good. We’re clear.
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wen i was born, my mum was a single mother to me until she met my sisters fathers wen i was about 2years old. my sister was born and i just automatically thought he was my dad too, cos i was too young to know any different. (i found out this wasnt the case until i was about 10yrs old). my mum and my sisters father spilt a couple of years after she was born as he was quite abusive, an alcoholic, blah blah blah.
then wen i was about 6 or 7yrs old, my mum started seeing her boss. i remember my sister and i being quite excited that this man was in our lives and thinking our mum was going to marry him. 15 years later, and he is still in our lives and has been the only father i have ever known, and will be walking me down the aisle in a couple of years. so even though i have never met, nor know much of my biological father, i feel so lucky that i have been raised as best my parents could have done, and still have two parents who love me.
my cousins also have a stepfather who they love as if he were their own father. my cousin even had her biological father and her stepdad walk her down the aisle together, as they both played the role of dad in her life.
this is going to sound like the bold and the beautiful now lol, but my mother and aunties ALSO had a stepfather who they loved like their own father, as their biological father sadly did not play much of a role in their lives.
so i think that stepfamilies arent always detrimental to peoples lives, as my family has much experience in stepparenting, and we seem to have turned out fine, and probably better off the way things worked out.
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My parents divorced after over 20 years together when I was a teenager. I was very hurt and damaged, and spent hours bawling my eyes out and begging them to get back together. I felt like my heart was so broken that it could never be repaired. The thought of my parents re-partnering was so hard to imagine and I thought that I could never, ever accept a step-parent in my life.
Months after the seperation, my Dad met someone else. When he first told me, I was shocked and upset and didn’t really know how to take it. I expected to hate her even though she wasn’t responsible for my parents divorce. The fact that he’d met someone else just cemeted the fact that my parents were never going to get back together. However, something surprising happened. I actually LIKED her. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t hate her cause she was actually a really nice person. A few years later, my Mum met someone too. And you know what? I actually liked him as well! My parents are still with these same partners and are much better suited to them and much happier than when they were with each other.
I’m now 28 and I could not imagine my parents still being married. I know longer hold any hard feelings about the divorce, in fact, i barely even think about it. I did my grieving and I now realise it was the best thing. I also couldn’t imagine not having my step-parents in my life. Both my step=parents have children to previous marriages (my step-mum is divorced, my step-dad is a widower) and their extended families are part of my life too.
I realise I am one of the lucky ones; having a good relationship with my step-parents but just thought I’d add my story to show that things CAN work out. Divorce has a terrible effect on children but sometimes it is for the best. I couldn’t imagine my life any other way!
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My parents split up when I was 9, so I was old enough to remember the fighting and realise that they were better off with other people. Both remarrried within a couple of years and I have quite good relationships with both step parents, particularly my stepmother. When they’ve been in your life for the last 20 years, they know you as much as anyone! It’s great to have someone else to bounce things off if your parents aren’t quite cutting it!
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My relationship with my Dads partner seems to be like a slippery slope and for a long time I hated her, she was on the scene before my parents broke up when I was 26, I don’t blame her, I was angry at both of them i reconnected with them about 2 years later and worked hard to accept reality nd allow her into our family, she has a good partnership with dad and he seems happy. Recently my husband and I lost a baby and I have been completely baffled by my dads lack of support but more hurt by the fact that the woman who he is with whom I have done my best to make part of my family has not even so much as called us. It makes me think that everything she did around me and my other kids was all just a facade to impress.
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I can see how that would be very hurtful Katmag. No excuses for either of them, but I’m wondering if they just don’t know what to say, so they’ve said nothing? Some people are like that. Have you thought about talking to them about your need for support? I know that you shouldn’t really need to, but maybe they need a nudge. I am sorry for your loss.
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I’ve always been much closer to my step-mother than my mother. Even today, 25 years on from her divorce, my mother still refers to my step-mum as “that whore” or “that slut”. My father knew my step-mum while he was married to my mother, but they didn’t get together until 3 years after the divorce was finalized. Over the years my mother has created her own narrative, in which she’s the victim and my step-mum is a home-wrecker.
I’ve seen many amicable divorces turn nasty when a new girlfriend comes on the scene, and it’s always the kids who suffer. People just need to get over themselves and realise that a new person in the mix just means your child has another person looking out for them. Though it is always fun pointing out the irony when a friend goes from bitching about their ex’s new girlfriend to bitching about their new boyfriend’s judgemental ex-wife.
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Though it is always fun pointing out the irony when a friend goes from bitching about their ex’s new girlfriend to bitching about their new boyfriend’s judgemental ex-wife.
GOLD!
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Oh, that made me cry – so beautiful. I’m not a step-daughter, but I am a step-mother who met my husband when he had two teenage daughers. He’d raised his girls alone, and so I was the interloper.
Now they are adults, and still blame me for being a part of their Dad’s lives (even though they are both married and one with children). I think he was expected to just stay the same in their eyes, and just be there for only them forever.
I would love to have had a relationship like the one in the article with my own step-daughters, but it’s not to be it seems. I’m glad that wonderful story had a happy ending.
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Oh milliemya, I am SO there with you! I was in the same situation. I did the very best I knew how. And I often wonder, now that they are grown with children of their own, if they ever look back and wonder or consider what it must have been like for me. My ex was no help at all as he lived in the bottom of a bottle. I didn’t want children. We had just got married when his ex dumped the kids with us and left. I thought I could handle it, I thought I was superwoman. But sadly, I made a ballsup of it all. I am being hard on myself, but there’s really nobody to “blame.”
It’s just a shame, is all.
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Thanks Xanthe. It’s been very hard work and we’re lucky to have made it. One thing that my husband didn’t ever tell me was that if either his daughters or me ever made him choose between one or the other, the one who expected him to choose would be the loser.
It turned out to be his daughters who made that decision (with lots of whispering in their ears by their ‘absent until I arrived’ mother). By their late teens they had gone to live with their Mum and cut their Dad totally out of their lives because of my apparent evilness. I could’ve done better, but I wasn’t that bad! It’s been very tough on him, but we could only do so much before letting go. They were both married this year and we were told not to go to the wedding, so that was very painful for my husband, as he’d been the only one there for them from when they were tiny.
In my case, my kids (who were older than his when we met) have a great relationship with their step-dad. I would’ve hated it so much if they didn’t get on. My little 5yo grandson calls him Poppa and they have a very close bond.
I’m so sorry that I didn’t work out for you – it’s hard and I’m sure you did do your best. I was just lucky enough to have a man who could see through the games that his daughters (and ex-wife) were playing I guess.
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I grew up with my dad and there was one very serious girlfriend he almost married. I’m ashamed to say I acted like the daughters you’re describing, as I was a teenager at the time.
Looking back, I know my actions were based on a fear of abandonment. I was very messed up by what my mum’s actions and was clinging to my dad as the only person in the world who loved me. When this lady came on the scene I acted up and was not a nice person. Of course, at the time I couldn’t have explained it, but as I’ve got older and done some real soul searching I realised I was terrified of my dad choosing someone else over me. I just couldn’t cope with it.
Of course, now I’m older I realise he could have had another wife and still loved me just as much. I feel very guilty about that now because he’s on his own and maybe he could have been happy?
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Don’t beat yourself up. As the child in the equation you are exempt from blame. Children are not bad people, they just aren’t fully socialised yet. Adults on the other hand should take the lead in mature behaviour. If we judged every adult by the mistakes they made as a child, we’d have only rotten adults. With every child, patience and consistence in respectful discipline will win them over eventually.
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It’s a tough one Tartan. Maybe your Dad will find another special woman to share his life with.
Thanks for replying to my post – it’s really interesting to read about it from the other side. I think that my step-daughters felt as though they had lost their Dad as well, but they actually hadn’t, but I think very sadly, because it’s continued on into their twenties, they’re worst fear has come true.
I say sadly, because now they won’t have the opportunity to know their Dad adult to adult and that is terribly, terribly sad.
As a postcript to our story, my husband became very ill with a rare neurolgocical illness a year after our marriage and the girls blamed me for it (???). He spent 3 years in a wheelchair and most of that time in hospital and they rejected him because I was around. The irony of that is that because of his ongoing issues, he will always need care of some kind, and they have moved on with their lives and wouldn’t have been there to care for him.
I actually wonder if they were angrier with their Dad for getting sick and therefore being unable to run them about and be the same Dad as he was before, but they took their anger out on me instead of him.
Makes sense to me in a weird way. He’s in remission now I’m happy to say, but not without problems.
I agree with Mrs Average to a degree, but at the end of the day, the girls are now adults, and their Dad and I have done everything we could do to have them in our lives, even as recently as this year.
Sometimes the hurt gets too much when the efforts to reconcile fail, and the ties have to be cut (not my choice at all). My husband and I, and his daughters and grandchildren have all lost what could have been wonderful relationships.
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Oh no, that is so sad. You would think now that one has a family of her own she would now understand that her dad needs someone too. That really is sad for you and their dad.
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Really beautiful.
My parents split up just over a year ago, after being together for 30 years. I can’t really imagine a step-parent coming into either of their lives as yet, but I am in awe of those people who are happy to take on not just someone as a partner, but also that partner’s children, and treat them with love and respect. Really a wonderful thing to do.
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My dad’s wife (seems weird to call her a stepmother given I was already married with kids when she & my dad married) is the best thing that ever happened to my dad. Even my mum thinks so!
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Wow such an opportune post for me! My parents divorced when I was 16 and my father re-married soon after. My sister and I do not have a good relationship with his new wife. We’ve always felt like an inconvenience and annoyance to her and never felt welcome or comfortable at their house. I have tried to be polite and respectful of her for my father’s sake but never wanted to be close to her. There was an instance where my sister wanted to talk to my dad about something alone and the wife went crazy and started swearing as she was angry for being excluded. We’ve struggled with the change from being dad’s main priotity to feeling as if we’re second best behind his new wife and its caused a lot of hurt. Recently my sister didn’t have anywhere to live as my mum had to move overseas for work and she asked to stay with my father. She was really hurt because my father’s wife reluctantly agreed to let her stay for 2 weeks max, but when she arrived by the second day the wife was angry at my father, asking when my sister would be moving out and that ‘her presence might make me unwell’. My sister was so hurt and upset as she felt so unwelcome and we were both angry at my father that he’d want to be with a woman that was not supportive and welcoming of his children! So the drama continues. I just want to spend some time with my dad without his wife always being there and making things so uncomfortable !
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I’m sorry to read your post. I never understand people who have to be in on everything. What kind of person thinks it’s okay to intrude on a personal conversation between a parent and their child? It’s not about excluding them from everything, but there’s a time and a place.
Some step parents are great. Some just don’t want their partners children around at all, whether they’re small or all grown up.
I recommend you read a book called Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman. I know you still have a mother but the book has an excellent section on fathers. Worth a read.
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I’ve never understood how an adoring, attentive parent can all of a sudden allow their new partner to take first priority and their kids wishes mean zero. People going into a relationship or marriage with someone who already has children need to understand that the children were in that persons life first. If they cant accept that and allow them to have time alone with their children they should walk away.
I have a friend who is recently divorced and her ex husband has a new partner. Their children have not been able to see their dad without the new partner since she has been on the scene. She is obviously so threated by the childrens presence she cant leave him alone. The children are very upset about it. Their counsellor has advised that it is important for them to see dad on his own. He should be focussing on being their dad and they need to be nurturing their relationship and its too early for his girlfriend to be a part of their lives. They are still coming to terms with their parents divorce. She is very demanding and takes all of his attention and wont leave him alone. He says the kids have to get used to her being part of his life and ignores the counsellors advice. The thing is the kids quite like her and they dont have a problem with her being part of his life, they just want to spend some time with their dad on his own and dont want her to be part of their lives yet. Again, the poor children wishes and needs come last. Its very selfish and sad.
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As a stepmother myself I was touched by this story. I would love to think that my step daughters could lovel having me as part of their lives. Often it seems that they resent me being there and preferred it when their Dad was alone.
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hang in there, and keep loving them! It took me years to bond with my stepdad properly, I resented him for ages. Now I love him very much, & i can look back and see that he was the one who was always there for me, helping me with my homework, driving me to drama and dance lessons, teaching me to ride a bike. At the time I just thought ” but you’re not my REAL dad” – now I know that he is.
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Hi Anonymous,
I think it’s important for your girls to have some alone time with their dad every now and then. Sometimes I just wanted to have my dad to myself, even for an afternoon or couple of hours, however sadly it was ‘not allowed’. I’m not suggesting that you run away and hide for the entire duration of their visits, but a bit of alone time might be good for them all. You could have an afternoon to yourself as well!
It might help them to feel a little more secure. Give it a go.
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Oh I’m so glad they’ve found each other again. How lovely, blinking the years away
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This story mirrors my own. I was much closer to my stepmother than my mother. Sadly she passed away three years ago and I miss her every day.
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My parents spilt when I was six months old. They both remarried and my step father became the only father figure in my life. I did not meet my real father until I was eleven. When my mother and step father split after nine years I was heart broken. I maintained contact with him in spite of my mothers requests not too. He was an anchor in my confused and crumpled life whose love was unconditional. It was my greatest joy when he and my mother reunited after a 17 year break. Now he is the grandfather of my three children and remains a positive and loving parent to me. I feel very lucky to have his prescence in my life and he will always be the father I never had.
As for my step mother…….well I could happily live without her and my half siblings who have taken no responsibility for their role as family members to my brother and I.
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I don’t have a personal story that relates to this, but wanted to say what a lovely piece of writing this is. Can’t deny I had a little tear at the end of it!
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