parents

Group Therapy: ‘I’m too traumatised to give birth again’

Melissa* writes

I am the mother of two gorgeous boys aged 2.5 and 1. I was always petrified of childbirth but really wanted a baby. When I fell pregnant the first time I found a wonderful obstetrician who I really trust and the birth went really well. Yes it was long, yes it hurt but I felt in control the whole time. Afterwards I felt like superwoman, not only for pushing out over 8 pounds of baby but also for conquering my worst fear.

Twelve months on I was pregnant with number two. I wasn’t fearful of the birth this time and I still had my wonderful doctor who I trusted, but this time it wasn’t the same.  This time the pain was so intense, it came on so quickly and I felt so out of control.  The pain killers made me hallucinate and I haemorraged afterward.  The midwife did not assist me much at all and if it weren’t for my doctor I think I would still be pushing. I felt like I had been run over by a truck for weeks later and developed an anxiety response that keeps creeping up on me.

I would really like to have another baby but the memory of the second birth haunts me every day.

Has anyone else felt so traumatised after childbirth? And if so what did you do to move on and work up the courage to do it all over again?