‘I’m not your buddy!’
Considering they named their son Buddy Bear, Jamie and Jools Oliver may want to leave the room for this one.
So apparently the nicknames we’re giving our kids is leading to the downfall of modern parenting. That’s right, we’re setting our ‘parenting dynamic’ up for failure simply by choosing the wrong nicknames for our children.
(I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking, ‘Oh good because I was so bored with worrying about which school to send my child to and whether or not I should be buying organic food and cooking more meals from scratch and eating more often at the dinner table and not letting the kids watch Team Umizumi during dinner and working out how to explain that “Want Longer Sex?” billboard to my four-year-old. Now, for something completely different I get to worry about whether or not I’ve screwed everything up because of the nickname we gave our child when they were three-days-old. TERRRRRRRRIFIC.’)
I hear you. But it’s one nickname in particular that is the red flag for concern. And it’s a nickname increasingly popular for little boys: Buddy. Know anyone who calls their little boy (or girl) “Buddy”?
Like “sport” or “champ” of an earlier era, “buddy” has quietly evolved over the last 20 years into the go-to nickname for American parents, particularly fathers, looking to chum it up with their sons and daughters. How it got there is hard to say; good luck finding an adult who remembers his dad calling him buddy. But like “time out” and “use your words,” “buddy” has for better or worse taken a starring role in the lexicon of modern American parenting.
‘Buddy is the go-to nickname for parents looking to chum it up with their sons and daughters.
You can read that full story here.
It’s interesting the nickname choices Gen X and Y parents are going for. Little girls are invariably called Princess with some psychologists quick to point out we’re setting the scene for prima donna behaviour and over-indulgence in our girls. While our little boys are called Buddy – with all the ‘you’re my equal’ connotations that brings.
Do you think a nickname like “Buddy” signifies a shift in the type of relationship Gen X and Y parents want with their kids? Are we all trying to be ‘friends’ with our kids instead of parents? What nicknames do you call your kids? And what nicknames did your parents give you?
Comments
148 Comments so far
As many others have said, I’m not sure there’s any point to worrying about nicknames – although it may make me a bit more careful about the type of language I use with my little boy. I’m already having to ensure I don’t gush over my baby boy while Miss 3 is in earshot, without being similarly, genuinely affectionate with her!
However, I agree with the more general point. Years ago, I remember overhearing my niece’s screaming tantrum, and my sister-in-law’s responses. The most memorable part was, “You’re not my friend!” “No! I’m *not* your friend, I’m your mother!” My mum and I both had to quickly move to a room out of earshot, as we couldn’t contain the giggles! But the point is absolutely true, I think, and I’ve carried that idea into my own mothering.
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my kids nicknames are panda (his name rhymes with panda), C-man, Buzz & The Baby. All 4 of my kids call my mumma bear.
I am pretty sure I am not a bear. I am also sure panda doesnt think he is an asian animal, c-man is not a superhero and buzz doesnt actually buzz. The baby will be 3 soon.
Oh I also call the oldest 3 spaztard and spewmans.
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My husband calls our son “puppy” – is he setting him up to be a dog? I don’t think so. The nickname fits and it is cute!
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Irellivant article – sorry! But the majority if the subject matter is based in the states.
I’d be more worried about the strange/pet names people are actually and legally naming their children before you get into the nicknames.
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My nickname is noodles
.. Because legs and arms were “as skinny as noodles” at 27 i still get it from family
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What an absolute load of crap! I sometimes call my son buddy (along with at least two other nicknames) and I have been described by a family psychologist as having an authoratitive parenting style with a normal, healthy parent/child bond with both my children. You don’t treat someone differently because of their name or nickname.
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The healthy use if Nicknames is about family or friend in-jokes. I think it would be a bit disturbing if people were to give and encourage the use of nicknames as some kind of ego boosting strategy.
Aren’t nicknames an illustration of the fondness and regard friends and family have for the individual they so name? It’s peculiar to imagine the focus of a nickname shifting to become more about those who grant one than about the subject of the nickname!
Our kids and friends all have funny nicknames that relate minimally, if at all, to their actual names. They’re all to do with their attributes or with anecdotes from our shared history. I think this is healthy….
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I call our baby girl little poppet (she has been tiny since birth), cheeky monster and my girl. Her father calls her pretty princess and cheeky monkey, and calls his older daughter munchkin. My mother calls her missy moo, which is what she and Dad called me when I was tiny.
Ironically, no one shortens her actual name – anyone who does try is quickly corrected!
Pretty sure she won’t be scarred by any of the above, and seriously doubt that Daddy calling her his pretty princess is really going to lead to issues later on. I think this is one issue I won’t be beating myself up about!
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I really can’t take the birth notices that welcome the family’s “princess”.
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I call all my girls monkeyface as a generic nickname, but otherwise they are Ruby Two Shoes, Zeva the Diva, Laney Lou and we are still working on one for 4 week old Kitty – will probably just be Kitty Cat.
Ruby and Zeva are twins, and I think Ruby likes the ‘the’ in Zeva’s nickname. because she calls herself Ruby the Two shoes – we call it her mafia name, of course said with a mouth full of cotton wool. Thats how she gave her name at the school office when we were late the other day!
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I haven’t posted any comments on Mamamia in quite a while but felt compelled this morning as I watch my kids turn my living room into a jungle gym. This article is ridiculous. I’m so sick of over thinking EVERY little thing when it comes to parenting. I just want to not sweat the small stuff, not second guess myself constantly and just enjoy my kids. Buddy is so innocent and is certainly not what I call my friends so it hardly equates. Anyway, my son is pretty quick to correct me because Buddy is a character from Dinosaur Train and is not his name!
I have to say, I dislike the word Princess for little girls.
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well um let me think…..absolutely not !!!!!!
My nickname was ‘Butch’ did that set me into a whirl of OMG who am I… Hell no, it was the knowledge and skills my parents passed on and introduced me too that opened the door for all possibilities. Calling your child a nick name has nothing to do with the rules you set, their boundaries and the morals and life experiences you introduce them too…. My teenage sons will tell me I’m not their friend if I call them mate,we as Aussies abbreviate all names or add on to make it more friendly it is in our nature/culture. Children know you are not their friend, you have set boundaries all their lives. However also having two 20 something daughters you do get to a stage that they will allow you into another part of their world because you have loved them and accepted all they are for all of their lives. so to all the princesses,mates,buddies,angels,sweets,sweet peas etc etc… its just an endearing tag that connects them to their mumma’s and daddy’s…..
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My son was called ET because he always had his index finger pointed , it would always creep out of the rug around him as a baby.
I think the idea of using nick names isn’t what this study is about, I think they are trying to point out that the present group of children/ teenagers have been named “buddy” and “princess” because the parents are trying to be friends rather than parents!!!
If you read many of the comments, any from teachers are agreeing with this above comment. I know of so many teachers retiring early or quitting after only a few years of teaching (moving to a less stressful occupation) because of the little “darlings” who feel that they are equal adults to the classroom teacher.
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oh dear, *smacks head* they can’t possibly believe that calling your child a friendly name is poor parenting. What possible evidence is there for this? Sounds more like someone making a wild extrapolation in order to get attention and sell books.
There are many ways to screw up as a parent. But this isn’t one of them.
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My kids are monkeys (collectively) and the youngest is called “little dude” all the time
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My family have always called me Sea Face, Sea or Sausage. I don’t think I’m damaged, but I’ve never been able to explain why to an outsider…
My two are chicken and monkey. No explanations necessary.
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The picture of the child in this article is hilarious. I can’t stop laughing at it. Love!
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So glad this “study” wasn’t done in Australia. I would hate to think tax payers money was wasted on it.
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I call my kids pumpkin. Sure, they’re taller than me, one plays gigs in Melbourne and one is training for their brown belt, but nobody’s ever complained….I like pumpkin. It’d be different if I called them tripe.
My mum used to pick up one of my pumpkins after school one day a week. So, while she was at her art class I’d send her a reminder text ” don’t forget my pumpkin”. It took about a year before the women in her class realized she wasnt getting me a piece of pumpkin each week!
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We have a few nicknames for our boys and it’s just evolved over time.
Boy 1 – Papoose, Snuffy papoose, turned into Snuffy bottom and sometimes chicken.
Boy 2 – Little rabbit, Belbeteen rabbit (velveteen rabbit), the wild rabbit.
Boy 3 – Pudgy, Pudge, Chicken and Little Doo Doo.
They sound insane written down, and they are funny names. They are stuck with them now!
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That’s funny, we used to call our daughter Little Dudu when she was a baby. I thought we were the only ones! I bought her a toy when pregnant with her, which had a label on it “Little Dudu”.. a very cute toy from my favourite shop Morning Glory, sort of looks like a half frog, half cauliflower…
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You made me laugh with your comment Tripitaka – Half frog half cauliflower?
Glad we aren’t the only insane parents who call their kids funny names!
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I’m 32 and my dad still calls me ‘Boss’ or ‘Boss-girl’ …. yes, I was a bossy boots child but that doesn’t mean I didn’t respect my parents!! You’re right Bec, parents have got better things to worry about!!
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Nicknames are BIG business in my family. My father does not call us three kids by our given names.
Eldest brother is called “Wally” his name is nothing like that at all
Older sister is call “Tim” again nothing like her name but as a teenager she had a crush on a guy called tim
And mine …. Handicapped . Sadly up until 8 or 9 I still didn’t understand the meaning as I thought it was a cute name because my dad called me it ….
Anyway haven’t got myself to therapy yet….any week now
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I wouldn’t have thought Buddy meant “your buddy” but more that the kid it small, its a cute-sy word and its nice.
I call my eldest “mate” quite a bit, but its just to be nice, I know I’m his mother and I’m far too embarrassing for him to be mates with (don’t believe me, just ask him). I have a “little prince” and “an angel sent from heaven” as well.
But as with their real names, I get them so mixed up, so the prince won’t think he’s not an angel and the angel is also a prince.
Everyone these days needs a PhD, so making parents feel like shit is a good way to get a PhD these days.
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Your last sentence – so true!
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Our son is 9 months old and from birth we called him The Little Guy. After a while we shortened it to LG but now his nickname is just the single syllable ‘Elge’. He seems to be OK with it.
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I taught a girl a number of years ago who had a kiddy nickname and the parents insisted that she be called this in the classroom. She was in secondary school and the nickname was ‘Boo’. I flatly refused and had a battle with both her and her parents all year. The parents were…let’s just say ‘wannabes’ and fit the description of the ‘I’m the so cool friend parent’ to tee. Parent teacher nights were laughable as they rocked up in their velour tracksuits, labels and bragged about ‘reading the Age over Saturday brunch’. I just wanted to tell them that their daughter was a precocious twat.
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Nicknames are big in my family. My two oldest nephews are called variations of their name. Nothing too cutesty as they would be embarrassed. I call them my little angels etc but not in public lol. My niece is called the Princess by her Nanny (my Mum), Chicken by her Mum, Monster by her Dad and Munchkin by me. My baby nephew is The Prince from Mum and baby boy blue from me. There are lots of sweethearts and darlings and special boy or girl thrown in. My niece can’t say my dogs name yet so she calls her bow wow. My dog has about a million nicknames from me! She answers to all of them so atleast I haven’t confused her!
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My Dad always called me Old Trout. My kids get interchangeable nicknames like grub, bubalug, grubalug, bubba or ratbag.
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You said it! Invariably parents who want their kids to be ‘buddies’ have bad relationships. Living through your children to avoid your own stuff is toxic – I should know after 30 years of counseling because of a mother who viewed me as a friend and even partner. The happiest kids have functional, adult parents with their own emotionally self- sufficient lives.
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My daughter gets “gorgeous” (well she is!), luce, lucyloo and my son get lach, lachie, lachstar, buddy, buster… The list goes on. They get full names when they are in trouble. Yes, sometimes i raise my voice slightly, yes there nicknames are a little bit gender based, (but so are their actual names), yes i am friends with tem but we set boundaries and are pretty strict about it. Sometimes i think some pscychologists are a it bored, or have the sole motive of selling books. Surely actions speak louder than names when it comes to raising children?
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Having so very many issues with my keyboard, sorry for the typos!
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My nickname as a child was No.
Uncle: “Neeks, can I have a hug?”
Neeks: *death stare*… “No.” Walks away.
Uncle: “Neeks, did you want…”
Neeks: “Noooooo!”
Uncle: “Good to see you Neeks. Bye-bye!”
Neeks: “No.”
I still get called it to this day.
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Haha! Very cute, Neeks!
That reminds me of that scene in Look Who’s Talking Now
Daphne: what’s your name?
Rocks: me? They call me no.
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Well, I am 38 and my mum still calls me either ‘chicken’ or ‘possum’! I call my boys ‘sweetheart’ and ‘love’ – and revert to the ole family fave of ‘chicken’ – my older son hates it when I call him ‘mate’ – mainly because I use this when he’s in trouble, I think …
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I love ‘chicken’! My old roomie called my other roomie and I Chicken and I loved it so much I now use it with my daughter – it just sounds so endearing to me!
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My sisters and I are the rat*, g-bang and span. I’m concerned to think where those nicknames will lead us.
* she was born with a ridiculous amount of hair, so was hairy and small like a rat. Although on reflection surely bunny would have been cuter!
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My eldest ended up with the nicknames of Ferret, fluffybum, or chandyfluff, the youngest ended with the nickname of Doobie or doobles.
I’m not sure what that says about us.
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My son has many nicknames, monkey, bubbaloo, monster mash. Can not see anything psychologically damaging about nicknames long term unless they are malicious or inappropriate!
I am 38 and my parents often call me my nickname ‘mousie’ tiger mouse when I was fiery and sugar mouse when I was sweet. Nicknames are a special term of endearment, I love them!
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my dad since i was born has called me ‘fat bum’ or ‘fats’ becasue i was the opposite….but now, i have a fat bum…. Think I would have prefered to be his ‘buddy’ than have a fat ass
still love my nickname!
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oh sometimes loveliness, sunshine, darling boy (all interchangeable with any of my three boys) …. but mostly “whatever your name is” ….
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I call my son Koala, because he loves to be held in his dad’s and my arms as we carry him around, just like a koala in a gum tree. I also call him Scrumptious, because someone made a comment about how scrumptious he looked as a baby, which I liked.
My daughter is Mon Chino. I have no idea why.
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Tripitaka …… hmmmmm ….I had to say your name out loud a few times, and after rolling it around my tongue, think I have finally realised why it sounds so familiar – Is it from Monkey Magic ????
Dying to know if I’m right!!!
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That’s so ridiculous it’s funny!
We have a 5 year old son we frequently call Buddy, but I’m pretty sure he still knows we’re his parents not his playmates.
I was just reading parts of this article aloud to my husband, who now wonders if the fact our 3 year old daughter answers to the nickname Piglet means she also thinks we are farmers!?
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My dad gave my brothers and I nicknames that rhymed with our names. So I was Chella Choo Choo, then there was Blakey Boo Boo and Spencer got Moo Moo. We usually just got called Choo choo and boo boo etc.
Part of our driveway was ripped up where we lived as kids and when the new cement was poured mum decided to write our names with nicknames in it. We don’t live there anymore but it was a small town so I’m sure all the local would know who it refers too!
I don’t know if my little brother and sister have been given nicknames but my 2 year old sister occassionally calls her mum, mummy darling and daddy darling. We have no idea where she got it from. Very cute though.
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My parents are Russian so they don’t use the normal nicknames like ‘honey’, ‘sweetheart’, etc, because they won’t make sense in Russian. Mum calls me star, sun and bunny in Russian, which is pretty cute of her considering I’m 18 and she still insists on using the nicknames!
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I get called Min by my parents – short for Mini Me (my mother and I are apparently alike).
My brother Sam gets called Petey (long story) and used to get mate as a kid.
I call my male nephews Buddy on occasion, but it’s usually when they’re sooking and looking for sympathy!
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Funny! Our baby couldn’t say “Gus” for our second child, so she always called him “Buddy”. It stuck. Now we all call him “Buddy”… but for different reasons I guess. We’re not trying to be his friend…just his parents!
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My two are called chicken, chookie, chickadee and sweetie bum. Pretty much any of the above. Occasionally sweetness, and I call both of them baby girl (although my second child is a boy. Oops). I’ll pay for the therapy later.
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I had a grandfather who would call me Duchess. I loved it. All the girls were Duchess and all the boys were China, as in China Plate – rhyming slang for mate.
My kids are nicknamed Chicken (age 11) and Doobie (age 4). Doobie was called Bubba-Doo as a baby then last year he declared he couldn’t be called a bubba anymore, so it morphed to Doobie-Doo, now Doobie.
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we generally use derivative versions of my sons’ actual names for nicknames. I sometimes call them old chap, sweetie, or beautiful. I don’t see a problem with any of these, particularly as they’re not used constantly.
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I was called Fred because I liked The Flintstones.
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What a lot of garbage this following statement is ” Little girls are invariably called Princess with some psychologists quick to point out we’re setting the scene for prima donna behaviour and over-indulgence in our girls.” Princess has been around forever I know I was nicknamed princess as a child and I am not a prima donna. What about the girls who are named Sarah (Sarah means princess in Hebrew) like my daughter shouldnt I be able to call her what her name means?
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Slightly off topic but i need to have a rant. I cannot *stand* it when people call young boys/babies “little men”. “Little/lil man” irks the crap out of me but i can’t seem to put my finger on why…i guess you rarely hear “little woman” though do you? It makes me uncomfortable and i don’t understand why they don’t just say little boy.
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Dont be friends with me then… i constantly call my Lil man…err Lil man!! haha
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From when I was born, I was my parents’ ‘Little Blossom’ which ended up being Bloss. Most of my infants and primary school reports are for Bloss, and even now, at 37, I answer the phone as Bloss because the nickname stuck so much that at least 95% of people in my life call me Bloss!
And most of the other 5% know who Bloss is. Funny but kinda nice
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Ha! I got blossom and possum blossum from my dad! Big softie. When i was in trouble he called me junior burger!
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