If you want to watch mothers go mental, mention Gina Ford’s Contented Little Baby Book. They will either tell you it changed their life and grip your arm with that half-crazed devotion of an evangelical convert or they will tell you it is evil and grip your arm with that half-crazed fury of someone who has escaped a cult.
All this, over a little book by a woman who doesn’t have any children? With its highly regimented approach (days are broken into minute-by-minute commands about what you and your baby should be doing), has divided parents wherever it’s been published. For first-time mother Lauren Quaintance it seemed a godsend. Until it wasn’t. First published in Good Weekend in The Sydney Morning Herald, Lauren writes…
By Lauren Quaintance (pictured with her baby
“Before I fell pregnant, my entire experience with babies amounted to briefly holding other people’s newborns. As a teenager, I had occasionally earned pocket money babysitting, but the children were always older and they were almost always asleep. My job mostly involved raiding the family pantry and watching late-night television. As an adult, I’d had very little to do with children; siblings and friends who started families before us lived far away. So, it was fair to assume, I thought, that I wouldn’t be a “natural” when it came to parenting. How could I be? I had never actually been alone with a baby. As my belly swelled, it was clear to me that I would need someone – or something – to tell me what to do after the baby arrived. My own mother had died a few years before, and my husband’s mother lived a three-hour plane journey away in New Zealand.
My sister-in-law, who is my age and was herself pregnant with her third child, told me about Gina Ford’s Contented Little Baby Book. She had followed the British maternity nurse’s routine with her first two children and both slept through the night before they were 10 weeks old. This had allowed her to return to her job as a partner in a law firm after six months, and to continue mountain biking and writing in her spare time. In short, she had managed to have a baby (almost three, in fact) and to have a life.
The Contented Little Baby Book
As my due date drew closer, I read and reread Ford’s book. I made my husband read it and typed up a summary of the main points and distributed it to close family members. I ignored her tips on nursery decoration (“Plain walls can be brightened up with a colourful frieze and perhaps a matching pelmet and tie-backs”), laundry (“Flat cotton sheets should be dried so they are slightly damp for easier and smoother ironing”) and baby clothes (“When selecting a snowsuit … avoid fancy designs with fur around the hood or dangling toggles”). But I puzzled over diagrams of how to make up the
cot, followed her instruction to have a dimmer switch installed in the nursery, and worried that our house had bare floorboards – not carpet, as recommended. The hour-by-hour schedule certainly seemed regimented (she tells you not just when to eat breakfast but what to eat: “Cereal, toast and a drink no later than 8am”) and the tone was more than a little condescending. But overall it made sense. By structuring a baby’s daytime feeds and sleeps, Ford wrote, you could encourage them to take most of their daily food requirements during their parents’ waking hours, and to sleep for their longest stretch at night. Although my husband was happy to go along with most of it, he was appalled by Ford’s directive to not make eye contact with your baby during night feeds. “I’m not going to not look at our baby,” he said firmly.
Gina Ford
I had never heard of Ford before I bought her book, which was first published 11 years ago, but it soon became apparent that other people had. When my
father mentioned at a dinner party that his pregnant daughter was reading a book by someone called Gina Ford, his hosts were horrified. “It’s child abuse,” they said bluntly. Another friend, who had had a baby a few months before, hissed, “I hate Gina Ford.” Hate? How could you summon that depth of feeling for a maternity nurse turned childcare author?
Still, I needed to follow something. So I just stopped saying Ford’s name aloud, and buried her book at the bottom of my hospital bag. It would be my little secret.
Gina Ford has been described as the “Howard Hughes of childcare” since she is so reclusive. Despite being Britain’s best-selling childcare author, she has almost never been photographed. Official publicity images show a puffy woman with hooded eyes, bleached hair and thick make-up sheathed in a nursery-blue wrap. In a rare interview with The Guardian, Ford described her hardscrabble upbringing as the only child of a single mother on a farm in Scotland. Her mother suffered from depression and took an unconventional approach to raising her daughter; Ford slept in her mother’s bed until she was 11 and blames her insomnia on the fact that she never learnt to get a proper night’s sleep on her own. She and her mother, she said, were “up half the night singing Tom Jones and dancing”.
She left school at 16, did a catering course and later became a maternity nurse. She didn’t train – and after an early divorce had no children of her own – but went on to look after babies for more than 200 families.
Her book, first published in 1999, immediately sold half a million copies without any marketing. Now in its third edition, it has sold one million copies and been translated into Spanish, Hebrew and Chinese. She now has more than half a dozen titles that are variations on a theme – The Contented Little Baby Book of Weaning, The Contented Toddler Years and so on – and claims to have secured 25 per cent of the childcare book market. Gina Ford acolytes reportedly include celebrities such as Kate Winslet and Heather Mills.
But Gina Ford has also been plagued by controversy. In a documentary aired on Britain’s Channel 5 in 2007, a psychologist compared her methods to training a dog. (One of Ford’s employees who appeared in the program, Clare Byam-Cook, responded, “I think well-trained dogs are lovely, happy dogs and well-trained babies are lovely, happy babies.”) For her part, Ford seems to have been wounded by the criticism and claims she has been miscast as the Cruella de Vil of the baby world. “You’d think, by listening to them, that my mother brought me into this world to boil babies and eat them for dinner,” she told London’s Daily Mail. “I’ve devoted my life to helping mothers and I’m trashed left, right and centre.”
Ford is by no means the first controversial childcare author. In her history of childcare writing, Dream Babies: Childcare
Advice from John Locke to Gina Ford, British writer Christina Hardyment says that as well as the usual rota of nannies, doctors and psychologists, philosophers, religious gurus and even admen have all featured on the babycare best-seller lists at different times. One of those so-called experts advocated firing off pistols next to babies and dunking them in cold water to harden them up. The most popular baby manual in the early part of last century was New Zealand accountant-turned-doctor Truby King’s 1913 book, Feeding and Care of Baby, which detailed a strict regimen that even extended to bowel movements and advised against spoiling children.
Then the ominous-sounding, Yale-educated paediatrician Dr Benjamin Spock revolutionised thinking by telling parents to “trust yourself – you know more than you think you do”. Published in 1946, Spock’s Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care was perfect for more permissive times; the war had ended and with it the years of denial and austerity. His book gave parents licence to pick up and cuddle their babies. A staggering 50 million people bought it. In the past 25 years, most experts (Robin Barker, Penelope Leach) have taken their cue from Spock. Now it’s almost come full circle: Gina Ford, Hardyment observes, has more than a hint of Truby King.
No doubt part of the explanation for this retrograde trend is that professional women who become mothers later are used to being in control. Writing in The Times, Libby Purves suggests that “formulaic managerialism” has infected parenting. “We are encouraged to see babies as a management challenge, and fit them into complex working lives … The idea of applying ergonomic timetables to babies suits the anxious professional woman, and makes media stars of those who promise to make early motherhood efficient.”
All of which might be true, but it overlooks the fact that many of those same professional women have no choice but to try to get their babies to follow a predictable schedule – and to sleep through the night as soon as possible – because they need to return to work. A laissez-faire approach to mothering (feeding on demand, co-sleeping and so forth) assumes that you are able to devote yourself entirely to your baby for at least its first year of life. That is merely a pipe dream for many women who are, if not the main breadwinner, then certainly earning a good portion of the family loaf. And in many cases they’re learning on the job alone without the support of the family, friends and neighbours that previous generations of women could count on. It’s no wonder they turn to Amazon, ordering books by the boxful, all of which promise to restore calm to a chaotic household.
Another explanation that fits neatly with the idea of a generation of overanxious professional women is that (like Ford herself) today’s new mothers are a product of their own anarchic upbringing. As the children of hippie parents, we’re supposedly embracing the strict rules we wish we’d had as children.
But why does Gina Ford attract such opprobrium? It seems that just about everyone has a deeply held opinion about her and, among new mothers, she provokes the kind of invective rarely associated with post-baby bliss. It’s obvious enough
that you might be frustrated – or even furious – with Ford if you’ve tried her methods and they did not deliver the “contented baby” you’d been promised (or at least one who sleeps through the night). But it seems that you don’t even need to own a copy of Ford’s book to find her despicable. Mothers so often feel they are being judged; I wonder if the spectre of “Gina Ford babies” who sleep and eat on cue makes women whose babies do not conform to any pattern feel like failures.
On my first night in the post-natal ward after a 36-hour labour that left me utterly depleted, I summoned the courage to ask the midwife to bring my baby girl back from the nursery every four hours to be fed. Ford says that, even if a mother’s milk has not come in, four-hourly feeding in those first few days promotes milk supply. “Why?” the midwife asked. “They don’t need it. Unless you plan to follow a routine.” I whispered that, yes, as a matter of fact I did. She gave me a tight smile and left. The baby was brought back every four hours.
After four nights in hospital and just three days at home with family to help, I was left alone for 10 hours a day with my tiny, pinkish newborn. Stationed on the couch, where I was often breastfeeding for an hour at a time, I would hold The Contented Little Baby Book in my left hand, constantly glancing at the clock on the wall as I tried to keep up with the relentless schedule. (See break-out box, previous page.) Apart from the lengthy breastfeeding sessions, Ford recommends expressing milk twice a day to boost supply – an interminable process that left me with even less time to shower, dress and catch up on much-needed sleep.
If the baby started to get drowsy before Ford said she was due to go to bed, I would put her on her play mat and “encourage” her to have a kick. Many new mothers are loath to wake a sleeping baby, but I had no problem waking my little girl to feed her, confident in the knowledge that if she had more milk during the day – and no more than the prescribed five hours’ sleep – she would be less likely to wake all night. And at first it seemed to be working; by the time she was four weeks old, she was waking up just once for a feed and settling back to sleep until somewhere between 6am and 7am. All that expressing meant that we had plenty of milk for my husband to do the last feed of the day at 10.30pm with a bottle and I could get to bed early. I was tired, but coping.
Then, when my baby was about five weeks old, things started to go wrong. As it got close to her nap time, she would cry incessantly and draw her legs up to her chest as if in pain. Under Ford’s regimen, rocking a baby to sleep is absolutely forbidden since it creates the wrong “sleep association”, but she does not offer any other techniques for getting a baby to sleep. Desperate for help, I ordered a DVD from one of the many women who market themselves as “baby whisperers”, which demonstrated how to rhythmically pat a baby on the bottom to help her fall asleep. It worked but it was a protracted, frustrating exercise. When I told the local health nurse about this, she gently suggested that my baby might be overtired.
Ford says that a baby as young as four weeks can stay awake for two hours; most midwives will tell you 90 minutes at the most. When I started looking at my baby for signs that she was tired – clenched fists, jerky limb movements – I realised that sometimes, usually in the morning, she needed to go to bed an hour after she had woken up. This made following Ford’s routines tricky since she would often wake up before she was due for her next feed – and would be tired again before the next scheduled nap unless I could get her to sleep longer – but I persevered.
Then, at 10 weeks, my baby stopped sleeping for the allotted two to 2 1/2 hours at lunchtime (a key plank of the Ford routine), waking, instead, after 45 minutes. I patted and patted to no avail; I wasn’t prepared to leave her to cry. She was smiling and did not look the least bit tired. In her book, Ford says that this can sometimes happen and her solution is to take the baby into bed with you, or out in the pram to help them sleep for the full two hours. In her experience, Ford writes, it can take “a week or even 10 days” to correct the sleep cycle.
Since my baby had never slept well in her pram, I strapped her to my chest in a front pack and carried her around the streets for two hours a day during Sydney’s summer while she slept. I did this for a month. And it didn’t work; every time I put her down in her cot for her lunchtime nap, she woke after 45 minutes.
Then the final insult: at 12 weeks my baby started waking up all night. She had never slept through, but now she woke up every hour between midnight and 7am. This went on for four torturous weeks. I was so tired that my limbs were leaden and my mind permanently clouded. Sometimes, I felt as if I were drowning; I’d feel panicked and my view of the world was gauzy, as if I were under water. During this time
I remember standing in the bathroom one morning in my dressing gown, sobbing to my exhausted husband, “I just don’t know how I am going to get through today.”
I frantically read The Contented Little Baby Book again, cross-referencing between sections, looking for clues, but it didn’t have a solution. (To be fair, the nurses from the early childhood centre and Tresillian couldn’t help, either.) Ford is so certain that babies on her routine will sleep through by the magical 12 weeks that there are almost no instructions about what to do about night waking after this time. Her rationale is that when a baby stops being fed in the night, taking all their kilojoules during the day, they won’t wake up any more. My baby stopped needing a night feed at four months, but she never stopped waking up.
Gallingly, as I reread the book, I noticed that whenever Ford talks about things not going to plan, she shifts the blame back to the parents, suggesting they have created bad sleep associations or not read the book properly. Not read it properly? I could recite whole passages by heart. At that point, I finally lost my temper and hurled the book across the room.
Eight months after I snuck The Contented Little Baby Book into the delivery suite, I have a baby who neither consistently sleeps through the night nor sleeps for any length of time during the day. I stopped reading Gina Ford or any other baby manuals months ago and my little girl seems contented enough – all gummy kisses and ingenuous smiles. When my father visits, and hears about yet another broken night’s sleep, he teases, “Hasn’t the baby read the book yet?”
After all that, would I do it again? Not exactly. Gina Ford did teach me some useful principles about how to structure a baby’s feeds and sleeps (and frankly I wouldn’t have known where to start without her). And although I loathed expressing, having my husband do the 10.30pm feed was a lifesaver for me – and a lovely, practical way for him to get involved. But next time, if there is another baby, I won’t take Gina Ford or any other baby expert quite so literally; I won’t look for logic where it doesn’t necessarily exist. I’d like to think I’ll be more relaxed, but that really depends on much sleep I’m getting.
And my sister-in-law? Her third baby slept through the night, on schedule, at 11 weeks.”
This story originally appeared in The Good Weekend magazine. Lauren Quainance is Managing Editor of magazines for Fairfax where she oversees a portfolio of newspaper-inserted titles such as Good Weekend, Sunday Life and Sport&Style.
Prior to this she was editor of the(sydney)magazine and launch editor of New Zealand’s Sunday magazine. In her previous life as a writer she lived in London and New York and wrote about topics as diverse as people smuggling, terrorism and her addiction to Diet Coke.
UPDATE: I hadn’t originally added my own comment to this post but after some gentle prompting from MM reader Caz (below), I will.
I wrote about The Contented Baby and my experience with it in my book (buy it! buy it!).
In short:
I mocked my friend for using it.
I had a difficult baby and tried it.
I loved it.
I hated it.
I think there are certain kinds of people who are drawn to it. Control freaks. People who are highly organised. People who like reading instruction manuals and following them.
But clearly, it doesn’t work for every woman or every baby.
And all the expressing was a bit of a nightmare – gave me mastitis many many times while I was trying to follow the minute-by-minute instructions.
So I guess my opinion is that when you are scared or insecure or uncertain or exhausted or any combination of those things, you will try anything.
But if it’s making you unhappy or feel like a failure or if your baby seems distressed or not at all interested in being told what to do at 8:46am, then put your book down and LISTEN to yourself and your baby.
Have you had any experience with The Contented Little Baby book? How did it go? Is there another book you swear by?
Comments
252 Comments so far
I loved this book. I used it from week 3 for my first child. I am the target market though, professional mum who had to plan to return to work at 6 months. The clear, concise and matter of fact tone is what I needed as a sleep deprived, recovering from unplanned c section first time mother. If its not for you, don’t follow it, but don’t be so down on those of us that it works for. And really, having had a child yourself is not a pre-requisite for giving routine and settling advice. Experience is what counts and I’d take advice from an experienced nanny of over 200 kids over a go with the flow sahm of 1 or 2 any day. I plan to follow the routines for my second. If they don’t work, I won’t cry fraud though, I’ll just put it down t just not working for this baby.
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My comment is from the heart and from experience.
I am so regretful that I ever employed the services of one of these so called miracle workers/baby trainers. Yes I was desperate and yes I was getting no sleep for a very long extended time but the worse thing I could have ever done which I still think about and regret everyday of my young daughters life is to have asked one of these heartless non-mothers to help me. Yes I had every good intention upon employing the individual I did, with lots of reading and lots of rationale, but when the individual arrived, they did not help. In fact I can not even explain the methods and the almost suspicious ways that were employed. I Hope that every mother who reads this continues to have faith in their child and never goes through what I have. Do not trust those out there who promise results from what is not a results driven pursuit. The mission is to love and give your child whatever it needs and I promise you that they will respond, yes in their own time not yours but after all it is about them not you.
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I had heard of the book before I had my two children, but never read it….now I know she doesn’t have children of her own, glad I never bothered…ok fair enough, people without children are entitled to their opinion on raising children, but to write a book on the subject……freaking ridiculas. The fact that she is a maternity nurse is beside the point.
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Are you serious?
So it doesn’t matter that she worked as a maternity nurse for ages, just because she doesn’t have a baby? I have a baby and I don’t have a clue, and many others feel the same, otherwise these books would not sell..I read the book and it was not for me but it galls me that people judge her because she has no children of her own. Judge her for her lack of diplomas, that makes more sense.
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I used Gina Ford’s techniques with my second child because I struggled to settle my first born, who slept “through the night” at 3years of age. I suffered from PND because I felt like a failure at not begin about to help him sleep and we tried everything.
When my daughter was born, I felt that I needed a routine for my sanity and for my son’s sake. I followed mainly the feeding guide and fed her every 3 hours during the day, with a few extra in the early evening and it worked a treat for her. I never woke her at night, not even for the roll over feed, though initially she woke at that time anyway. by 7 weeks she had dropped all but 1 night feed, then a week later she dropped that too. I didn’t like the idea of getting her up in the morning, nor the ridged sleep times, I just found that when she was tired I was a bit more experienced at realising it. I also found that I needed to put her to sleep a lot sooner after a feed than I would have with my son.
but saying all that, she was a completely different baby, and I too was a completely different Mum. I also had my son to think about and to keep my busy so I wasn’t so obsessed with books and what she was or wasn’t doing.
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I am a relaxed mum who went with and still goes with the flow. I hardly read any books but was lucky to have a few friends have babies before me as I am a late mum. This approach has worked for me very well. On the other hand I have a girlfriend who read all the books and was/is a devoted Gina Ford advocate. This worked for her. We are both good/great mums and have very happy children. So who is to judge??
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When my friend suggested the book I was mortified, but 2months into a no-sleep life with our newborn, we tried it, and quickly, and inadvertently, became “followers”. But we were always quite lax about it. To me, it was basic common sense to not follow minute-by-minute instructions about having glass of water and pieces of toast. I found it weird that Gina was so instructive and rigid, but weirder still that people might follow such things unquestionably, instead of just having a laugh about it, which is what we did
Take what works for you, leave out what doesn’t, that was the approach that worked for us.
But I still feel scared and haunted by the reaction of my peers, Gina was like our dirty little secret b/c we became too uncomfortable to talk to people about it….And I’m still not sure why such loathing and judgement is inflicted on people that use routines…..
I never judged anyone who didn’t take that approach, and I wished I got the same respect in return
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This book is a manual on how to end up with post-natal depression. My sister-in-law gave me her copy when it failed for her and I flicked through it once and promptly chucked it in the bin.
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My experience of this book was to be judged and criticised by a mother who followed it successfully. I was breastfeeding at demand and my 3 month old wasn’t sleeping through the night when I met her. But I wasn’t concerned and only told her these things because she asked. I wasn’t complaining. But she made me feel completely incompetent.
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Pinky McKay! She is fantastic. She advocates a gentle approach in her books, and encouraging parents to follow their own instincts.
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I used the book with my first baby – but only picked it up after about six weeks and after several things like unexpected ceasar, baby refusing to breast feed and a baby that was so sleepy I had to wake her for every feed anyway etc. With a bottle fed baby it was a god send – and I had the most contented baby ever. my next two breast fed and it didn’t work for me at all – I suppose I was more relaxed as well but giving me some kind of structure with my first was wonderful. I think this like anything should be used as a help – different things suit different people. take from any of these things what you think you can use to get you by. I don’t understand why we have to hate it or love it – can’t it just be there as information we can use if we want? Why do we have to judge those who use it or those who don’t?
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I worship at the altar of Gina – both my babies were Gina babies – and most of my girlfriends found it worked for them too.
However, I’ve learnt you have to keep quiet about it around certain parents (usually the ones who are still breast feeding near-school aged children) because they’ll probably report you to DoCS …
I am so glad to see there are some other Gina converts
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I used it as a guide too and I loved it. My first baby had reflux so I tried my hardest to get her onto the routine, but it took me a good 5-6 months.
My second baby was much more easy going and slipped into the routine almost straight away.
You have to be flexible and take the bits from it that make sense to you and ditch the rest, but I found it extremely useful as it gave me options to try when things were going pear shaped.
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I was never one for routines. I had my babies fourteen months apart and I just tried to stay relaxed and happy. I breast fed them on demand, put them down to sleep when they apeared to be tired…bathed them when they seemed conducive to having a bath. And me and the babies just muddled along quite happily. I think no set routines made it all the more relaxed for me.
I guess that I was lucky in that I was a SAHM so it wasn’t important for me and the family to have the kids in some sort of routine.
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Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
On a side note, another parenting book I’ve heard of which really divides people is “Babywise”.
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I tried a similar sort of book, called ‘On becoming babywise’, that stressed flexible routine and, like the Contented Baby book, promised to have babies sleeping 7-8 hours through the night by 8 weeks, and 11-12 hours by 12 weeks (or thereabouts). My friend had recommended it, and it worked absolutely brilliantly for her and her baby, but it DID NOT WORK FOR US. I confess to feeling like an absolute failure when my baby wasn’t ‘following’ this routine in the 4 or so days it promised was all it would take. Add to that my baby blues, which lasted a good 6 weeks, and I was an absolute mess. It took a good, tear-filled heart-to-heart with my mother to realise that while this book might have been a good idea for me, someone who was used to being in control, making lists and organising my day my own way, it wasn’t a good idea for my baby, who was his own little person, and who I now needed to make my priority. I ditched that book on my 10th day of trying it, and almost immediately things began to improve. My little boy (now 14 weeks), has always been a champion eater and sleeper, and I now wonder why I ever tried to make him conform to these rules when it was something he was already good at. I realised that a lot of the things new mothers are told are guidelines, and your baby may be the rule, but just as likely may be the exception in some areas. My little boy started sleeping through the night at 5 weeks of age, and now sleeps a solid 12 hours each night. I’m not saying it’s because my methods are awesome, or that the book is wrong, just that when I stopped stressing and took my cues from him, with a little bit of appropriate routine thrown in, he was much happier and so was I. My baby blues (which is a whole other kettle of fish, granted), began to lift as I started to enjoy my little boy for exactly who he was, instead of trying to make him fit a certain mould. I think it is a wonderful idea to try this sort of thing if you are at a loss as to where to start (as I was). These books also have some great ideas that would never have occurred to me had I not read them, and I know for a fact that they really do work for some people. I think it’s important to note, however, that if they don’t work for you, save yourself the pain and trust your instinct instead. That’s just my experience, and I hope it helps others
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I don’t know what the big deal is about not making eye contact with the baby at night. I had never heard of that rule before, but with our VERY social newborn, my husband and I would never never look him in the eye when we had to change or feed him at night.
We learned the hard way – avoid eye contact and keep a somewhat drowsy baby who will go back to sleep: or make eye contact and be punished by the baby snapping into full alert, full playtime mode. Not good at 3 am! We also didn’t speak to him, making only very minimal soothing noises.
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after 3 exhausting months of walking, rocking, jiggling our newborn around to get her to sleep a friend mentioned this book to me. I used a lot of its principles but didnt treat it like a bible. I observed the sleep times, and awake times and also used some settling tips and TA-DA my baby slept and i enjoyed EVERY moment of motherhood like I was meant to. couldnt recommend it more, a guide is a better than no guide at all!
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I have just bought “the no cry sleep solution” and I like its emphasis on maternal instinct. My daughter is a very happy baby but has never been a sleeper, she’s still waking at least 3 times a night at 10 months old so I am shattered and completely understand the crying from exhaustion. But I really don’t think you can make babies do anything. I did everything a friend told me to and her kids slept through at 8 weeks. You can just encourage them, slowly and in developmentally appropriate ways. The best advice I was given was to respond to my child (watch for tiredness etc) and she has always been a contented little girl
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Oh yes, I’ve tried them all… Gina was far too strict for my liking, Tizzie Hall even got my back up but it was Sheyne Rowley (or a miraculous coincidence) that helped us by month ten of sleeping issues…
And the main thing I’ve learned? Nothing polarises a mother quite like admitting to reading ANY of them! But if you are an anxious first time mum to be, you think knowledge is power, so why wouldnt you give them the once over? Each to their own, as with everything parenting…
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It’s sad to read people attacking this poor woman simply because they don’t like her methodology. You have a choice – either follow her advice or don’t. And being a mother isn’t a prerequisite to having baby related advice – plenty of really good midwives and community nurses have never had a child but their experience is made up through training and work experience. Nobody made anyone buy this woman’s book!
I think discussion of options and their pros and cons are important because it helps us work out what to try. I choose to wake my babies for feeds if they sleep too long but feed them if they want it earlier (i’m currently breastfeeding number 2) and I will advocate for what works for me, either in a discussion or if another mum is struggling, but i understand that it doesn’t work for everyone. sometimes, it doesn’t work for me either, but i’m doing my best.
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Robin Barker books are full of wonderful tips.
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i have used the contented baby book with both my sons. my first was very obliging and was a ‘perfect’ routine baby. with my second son i didn’t take the book as litrally, but used it as a guide and reference and although at 7 months he isn’t sleeping through , he is content ( that is his nature) but more importantly i have accepted that motherhood has its challenges and the more you stop and take time to watch and listen to your baby, the more you will understand them and be able to give them what they need. A girlfirend gave me a tip when she recommended Gina Ford book, a general routine in the day is good, don’t be too strict to the minute. Even now I much prefer a 7 minute feed with my son at 3am than an hour or 2 of crying and screaming! Mums, don’t be so hard on yourselves or judging of each other, just stop take a deep breath and do the best you can!!
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What many of these parenting books fail to take into account is the personality of the baby. My oldest was very strong willed from the word go and I’m sure I spent the whole first year holding and feeding her (I swear my breasts were out so often I could have answered the front door topless without batting an eyelid.)
I loved the “What to expect when you’re expecting” books but figured out pretty quickly that you have to do what works for you and your family – co-sleeping was the only way any of us got any sleep – this breaks ALL the rules! My other two babies were fantastic sleepers and self settlers, maybe because of their personality, or maybe because I was better at it second and third time ’round – who knows? Although I must admit I did try to avoid eye-contact in the night because they were just so darned cute that we’d end up having a big play time at 3 in the morning! Take the advice that suits you and ignore the rest and enjoy your baby because it goes so fast.
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After a traumatic birth which nearly cost my daughter her life, and 2 weeks in neo natal ICU with seizures and truckloads of anxiety, I was a paranoid mess when I got home. After trying some routine style books – dream baby was one, a lovely midwife told me there wasn’t really much point in trying to get your baby to learn a routine before 3 months. I decided that all I wanted my baby to learn from me at that stage of her life was that I was going to be there to meet her needs. So I relaxed a bit and had broken nights sleep, but just had a nap every time she slept during the day. I’m fortunate to have a truly lovely husband who forbade me from doing any housework, so I didn’t feel stressed about the state of the house. I did go to a sleeping and settling workshop when Molly was 12 weeks old and got some great practical advice on how to teach her to self settle. That was through the local baby clinic and completely free, and a godsend. She’s still not a great sleeper, but she’s a sunny natured little sweetie and very happy and confident. My advice would be to just get through the first few months as best you can and try to enjoy your baby. When people volunteer to help (with anything) let them! But at about the 12 week mark, it’s worth doing the hard yards to give your baby the gift of being able to put themselves to sleep – you’re not always going to be able to rock and pat and soothe them to sleep, so teach them to sleep with just a cuddle and a “Time for sleep now precious sweetie, Mummy loves you”. And don’t read anything or listen to any advice that makes you feel bad about yourself!
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This booked worked for me, so I love it. Whether you use books like this or not doesn’t really matter if you and your family are happy. It’s the LOVE factor that counts
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I was recommended this book by my best friend and she swore by it. I dont recommend starting the routines suggested until your baby is at least 3 months old. This book was a godsend for me. I didnt follow it to the word. There were things that worked for us and things that didnt, but it certainly gave me some guidace and structure as a first time mum.
Definately worth a read, but be sure to adjust the methods to suit the lifestyle of you and your baby.
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I haven’t had a chance to read all of the comments about his article. But all I can say is this book was an absolute nightmare for me and my first child. I thought I would be able to have a nice organised routine following the book. All I ended up doing was torturing myself and my child. The book left me feeling like a failure as a mother. My first son is now nearly 6 years old and we still have sleep issues with him. No book was going to fix this! He has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers and now know that sleep issues is often an issue with Aspergers children.
I have since had 2 more boys and I did not follow the book with them. I ended up at Ellen Barren sleep clinic for all 3 boys. My two youngest now sleep, but my eldest has many more issues than just sleep. I would have to say following Gina Ford’s book is my biggest regret with my son. I have since suffered so much guilt for forcing this terrible routine on him. If i was so focussed on this routine and trying desperately to make it work, I think I could have enjoyed him a lot more. I use to wonder often before he was diagnosed with Aspergers on whether it was this routine that has caused so many problems with him, especially his anxiety levels.
I say throw the book on the bonfire and follow your instincts, which is exactly what I have since done with my other two children, which was so much more natural and enjoyable.
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People who do NOT have children should NOT write parenting books. PERIOD. It’s akin to having someone who’s listened to a lot of “Science Friday” podcasts and watched some Discovery Channel tell the astronauts how to build the International Space Station whilst orbiting. Are you kidding me?! She’s never DONE the thing she claims to be an expert at!
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Hear hear!!!
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Just curious… do you think that men shouldn’t be OBGYNs? I’m sincerely interested on your thoughts on this, not trying to be a smarty pants.
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Ugh, we were given this book as a gift from a well-meaning Aunt whose daughter swore by it. I HATE IT!! I read it once and literally threw it into a flaming incinerator. Not look my baby in the eye while feeding her? Wake her to feed? Make her sleep for certain periods of time from day one? Express twice a day, even though I was giving myself mastitis? This book is the devil. This woman is a twit! She doesn’t even have children! Can’t say enough bad things about it.
I follow my own routine, and my baby slept through the night from 6 weeks old, self settles and has two two hour naps now at 6 months. Gina Ford can jam her advice. I like Baby Love as a rough guide book, but it isnt routine based, which is great for me.
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the book BABY BLISS is excellent – not preachy, very practical, very easy to read (ie not complicated or confusing) & written in a lovely friendly style. I would love to have a TODDLER BLISS but Jo Ryan, the author, might be too busy for that
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Gina Ford does for parenting what Darth Vader did for fatherhood!Enough said.
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I bought Gina’s “The Contented Baby and Toddler Book” because I am about to have my second. I’d never read any of her her other books. I am actually very cranky that I gave her my money – the book is completely against most of my parenting philosophy. On the other hand, I loved Robin Barker’s “Baby Love”, it’s so suportive and has lots of advice on what to do when things aren’t going to plan. I give it as a gift to all expectant mothers.
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Parenting is a deeply personal and at times divisive thing so I don’t wish to describe a “one-size-fits-all” model however, I used “Calm Baby, Confident Mum” (By Simone Boswell) and the DVD, “Baby Bliss”
They helped immensely in allowing me to thoroughly enjoy my babies whilst providing a “flexible routine” of a continuous “feed, wake and sleep” cycle. Such a blessing to our family, would do it again in a heart-beat!
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My two were born small to medium, yet determined to be big infants, which they were. And heavy. They were ravenous feeders. Now these two were never gonna get by on very long night sleeps in the early days- they needed to eat too often! They were strong willed and could not be resettled. Meantime, this determined milking cow noticed how much sooner and longer the formula-fed babies of friends were sleeping. A maternity nurse friend told me it’s heavier in the gut stuff. Hmmmmm. Just sayin’.
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I’ll put in my 2 cents worth and give a plug for “Silent Nights” by Dr Bryan Symon. Before the birth of my 1st, I read pretty much every parenting book available (yes – I am a planner) and found his strategies to be the ones that seemed to make the most sense to me. Fast forward to today and baby #4 is also being raised on the wisdom imparted by Dr Symon. He is in Adelaide, you can email him or even have a phone consultation if things are really desperate! I give a copy of this book to all my close girlfriends who are having babies. I have 4 kids who sleep from 7-7, and I can tell you its not just good luck.
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i keep threatening to write a parenting book. Except for the fact that my book would just say “don’t read parenting books. trust your instincts and your baby, and trial and error until you find what works for both of you.” and i’m not so sure people would pay money to read two sentences!
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Just gold! couldn’t say it better myself.
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It turned up with my girlfriend when baby was 5 weeks old and I was about to lose it big time. I had no idea. I used it (but am not an idiot and will eat my breaky when I feel like it Ms Ford) to help with feeding and sleeping times and it gave me heaps of confidence.
Not for everyone but was for me! And the second baby got the Gina Goods from day 1.
Mrs Woog
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personally, I’d prefer a child with sound emotional wellbeing, than one who “slept through the night”
sure, sleepless nights aren’t convenient, but since when were children supposed to be a convenience?
if I wanted a pet to train I’d have a dog.
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well, we’d all want a child with sound emotional wellbeing, surely, and that’s probably why some commenters and the author of the article ignore some of gina ford’s advice, like not making eye contact with the baby during feeding.
but emotional wellbeing does not have to mutually exclusive with a sound night’s sleep – and teaching a baby to fall asleep is something it’s going to have learn at some point during life anyway.
i don’t think anyone’s advocating ignoring a baby’s emotional wellbeing for the sake of sleep – it’s not black and white like that.
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I think a child’s emotional well being is going to be more affected by having a parent so closed-minded as to make a comment like yours. Honestly, kids who are taught to sleep through by themselves will have emotional scars??
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after having my son, reading books just added to my misery. once I threw away the idea of books, mothers groups, breastfeeding groups, peoples opinions and websites etc….my happiness and bub’s sleep increased. looking forward to baby #2!!
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A friend recommended this book when I was struggling with my first baby and naps during the day especially. Loved it with #1, (he was a good sleeper anyway just tricky during the day) got him in a good routine and I loved the big sleep at lunchtime that gave me a break. My daugher arrived book didn’t work for love nor money. She never had a routine and she just doesn’t need as much sleep as my son. I think it had some good tips, you just have to take out of it what works for you rather than beat yourself up if the baby doesn’t do what the book says he or she should.
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My two followed routines like clockwork during the day, but never got the hang of the sleeping through the night thing. Even now at 4 and almost 2, both of them still wake at night regularly.
It’s been really hard, as an organised control-freaky type, to accept that that is just who they are and how they are made, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it (and I’ve read every book on the scale).
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Happy wife happy life.
I have it all. A four year old and a 6 month old. Both slept through at 7 weeks.
Two out of two for Gina ford.
I was recommended Gina ford by two friends with kids that slept through the night before ten weeks. I have since recommended to all of my friends. Everyone that followed the broad principles of the book (3 families) have sleeping babies. All that didn’t (also 3 families) have sleepless nights.
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When I fell pregnant my Mum gave me Contented Little Baby Book after my sister-in-law had huge success with it. I read it and was absolutely horrified and promptly decided it wasn’t for me and certainly wasn’t going to be for my baby! THEN baby arrived and after 10 weeks of him screaming his guts out non stop from 10pm to 5 am EVERY, SINGLE, NIGHT and me taking to him to every doctor, paediatrician, mid-wife, the baby sleep doctor, ringing the Mum’s helpline, nursecraft, etc, my Mum gently suggested we just try the Contented Little Baby Book routines. And so we did. I kid you not, within 2 nights I had a totally different baby who slept from 10 pm to 6 am, then 7 am and after a few months, he starting sleeping right through from 7pm to 7 am and has done so ever since (he’s now 22 months). It was an absolute life saver for me. At 3 months I switched to the “Save Our Sleep” book by Tizzie Hall as most of the Mum’s in my Mum’s Group were following that book. They are similar books/routines, but I actually MUCH prefer the Save Our Sleep book and author, to Contented Baby – not quite as regimented or “over the top” as Contented Little Baby Book.
I disagree totally with Mia that people who are drawn to Contented Little Baby are “Control freaks. People who are highly organised.” This certainly doesn’t describe me OR my sister-in-law. We are both the most disorganised people, and perhaps that’s why these books worked for us.
Contented Little Baby and Save Our Sleep certainly aren’t for everyone and I say whatever works for you and your baby, just go with that.
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I really really liked this post. At mamamia there seems to be the mothers vs. non mothers issue. I think Mia has written about it before (mothers share their greivances and seem like martyrs/whingers, and share the good bits and seem smug).
As a non mother, I often feel those things (and then alienated) from mummy writing. But this was different. It talked neutrally about the difficulties. They were named, but the story was actually about something different to just “motherhood is so hard”.
Also, it is really refreshing to hear the struggles actually named and detailed. Because generally all I’ve ever heard is “It’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do/Your life will be chaos/you’ll never sleep again” etc etc. To which non-parents think WHY? and what the hell about it is so hard? Being so detailed in the writing makes it understandable.
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I bought The Contented Little Baby Book when I was pregnant as I had heard lots of people recommend it. I read it and it FREAKED ME OUT!
It put me in such a panic that after showing my husband the first few day’s routine and freaking him out too, it was put back on the shelf and never touched again.
I tried the ‘Save Our Sleep’ routine when my daughter was about 10 weeks old but didn’t really have much success. Finally when she was 4 months, she just put herself into a routine and began sleeping through the night. If I had my time over I would have followed my instincts much more and just relaxed and rolled with the punches in those first few months.
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I found Gina Ford’s book much too rigid, and it didn’t allow that different babies have different sleep needs. The message I got from her book was that she basically wants you to give birth to the baby, and then immediately start the stopwatch. No thanks!!
LittleDude has NEVER needed as much sleep as the ‘average’ baby. Whatever the ‘average’ sleep needs were for his age group, I could take about an hour off the overnight sleep, broken up into tiny little chunks, and half an hour off every nap time and that would be about what he needed. Even now, he is the only one of his little mates that doesn’t need a nap any more.
I just went with the flow for the first few months, and then lo and behold I discovered that we had got ourselves into a routine that suited us and our needs. No forced schedules, it just grew organically after a little while.
Listen to your baby. If he/she is happy and thriving on a strict routine like Gina advises, then go for it. However if you are both miserable trying to force yourselves to follow any routine, just let it go. You will sort yourselves out soon.
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I really loved the “baby whisperer” by tracey hogg. lots of practical advice about establishing a routine that works for you and you baby- plus a ‘problem solving’ book as well. Not on a time schedule but giving you clues to get know your baby and what they need and their body language. Would highly reccommend it. Mind you I had an easy baby, and she still sleeps 12 hours a night, (unless sick) … so who knows how much was baby whisperer wisdom and how much was personality & temperament?
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I agree with you. The Baby Whisperer was a fantastic book that I found super helpful. And I just love Robin Barker’s Baby Love for the practical advise to first time mums.
I am a control freak and definitely couldn’t handle Gina Fords advice. It was far too rigid. Bad luck if you needed to drop you other child to school or actually leave the house ever.
And realistically every child is different and responds differently. My 1st responded well to controlled crying – and with my second it didn’t help at all.
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I agree with you both. Loved Tracy Hogg, The Baby Whisperer she was brilliant and had routines but were not super strict like Ford’s books. I actually shed a tear or two when googling her to find the toddler book and found out that she died a few years ago
…she saved my sanity.
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A friend gave us her copy of the Baby Whisperer book, I read the first few chapters (after my wife had), and while I found some interesting points in it, the overall tone of it did not sit well with either of us.
We also watched that parenting doco featuring the “maternity nurse” vs Dr Spock vs (whatever the 3rd baby’s family did), and were horrified and disgusted at the “maternity nurse” approach.
Would you leave your child outside in the back yard for hours (in a pram, sure), to figure out how to sleep? I sure as hell would not.
Since our daughter was a reflux bub, projectile vomiting all over the carpets and her cot at all hours of the day and night, there is no way we would have just ignored her cries. We firmly believe that if we’d followed Gina Ford/Truby King or BabyWhisperer instructions, then our darling girl would have suffered something potentially fatal. We went through several rounds of IVF to get her in our lives in the first place so why would we do something that we thought put her in danger?
From all the parenting books we’ve read, all the docos we’ve seen, blogs and forum sites etc, the thing that we’ve come to believe most strongly is that _you_ need to listen to _your baby_ and figure out what’s right for _you_ (and bub and partner). And make sure you tell people who give you unwanted advice to bugger off. (That includes my comments above, if you don’t agree with them!)
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Pinky Mckay all the way. Shows that babies are people that need love and nourishment not a strict routine to fit into schedules. This is not work you are dealing with anymore, nothing hardly fits into schedule meeting times and lunchbreaks when it comes to babies.
Changing your old mindset will help your mental stability and make it easier in the long run for you.
Life is easier to deal with if you just accept that things will go a bit haywire for the first 6 months with a newborn. Ok sometimes quite a bit longer but don’t want to frighten anyone
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loving your comments sarah – with you all the way!
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I’m a Pinky McKay girl myself — although my DD had her own room from 4 weeks (and we all slept much better) she was carried, breast fed and never left to cry. We have always had a very baby led routine — this was possible because I’m a very laid back parent and I work from home. On the other hand, my mate with twins has a routine that she’s only just starting to stretch — our kids are 3 3/4. And her kids really needed that routine! So again, I think it comes down to individual differences.
I know I’m just saying what everyone else has here — we’re all so reasonable! Go mamamias!
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I never read Gina Ford, but Robin Barker is great. I think I knew from the beginning that I wasn’t going to be Routine driven in an anal way: I’m just not that organised. I went with the ‘whatever works for your baby’ route, and found that my daughter naturally fell into loose day routines from about 6 months old and night routines from about 4 months. THese days, as a toddler, she is in a regular routine of bed/nap/meal/ play times. She is not a great sleeper, but not a bad one either. We did a bit of controlled crying after 6 months, and sometimes still need to let her cry for 5 or 10 mins for our own sanity, but I think, that next time I’ll do pretty much the same thing.
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Mia, I miss reading your opinions. In recent posts you barely mention anything about what you think of the issue. I know people can go a little nuts at you regarding your opinion but you’re entitled to that and most people understand that its YOUR opinion and not what EVERYONE has to think (generally).
Kind Regards,
Caz
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Hey Caz,
Thanks for your understanding because you’re right, I can’t wade in to every single debate. But I do have some thoughts about this one which I should have included.
I wrote about The Contented Baby and my experience with it in my book (buy it! buy it!).
In short:
I mocked my friend for using it.
I had a difficult baby and tried it.
I loved it.
I hated it.
I think there are certain kinds of people who are drawn to it. Control freaks. People who are highly organised. People who like reading instruction manuals and following them.
But clearly, it doesn’t work for every woman or every baby.
And all the expressing was a bit of a nightmare – gave me mastitis many many times while I was trying to follow the minute-by-minute instructions.
So I guess my opinion is that when you are scared or insecure or uncertain or exhausted or any combination of those things, you will try anything.
But if it’s making you unhappy or feel like a failure or if your baby seems distressed or not at all interested in being told what to do at 8:46am, then put your book down and LISTEN to yourself and your baby.
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Thanks Mia!
And I’ve been meaning to read your book all year, too many boring textbooks to read at the moment
ahhh uni
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