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fatherskirt Heart melting. Read this.

Nils and his son

by MARY WARD

Generally, fathers only don a skirt to complete a towel-clad dash for the morning paper (was that just mine?).

Or make a point about their Scottish heritage. But this dad is wearing one for a different reason. And it’s making him a bit of a hero.

German dad, Nils Pickert, has started wearing a skirt to help his son feel comfortable with his own wardrobe choices.

His son likes wearing dresses, a lifestyle choice that rose more than a few eyebrows after the family moved from West Berlin to a small, conservative town. After Nils found out his son was feeling uncomfortable wearing his favourite dresses to his new pre-school, he took matters into his own hands, deciding to lead by example and show his son that you can take charge of a situation without wearing the pants.

Nils told German feminist magazine, EMMA:

I didn’t want to talk my son into not wearing dresses and skirts. I had only one option left: to broaden my shoulders for my little buddy and dress in a skirt myself.

It certainly worked.

His son is now happier than he’s ever been: “He’s simply smiling. When other boys (and it’s nearly always boys) want to make fun of him he says: ‘You only don’t dare to wear skirts and dresses because your dads don’t dare to either.”

Nils is a legend, both on a parental level, and in terms of colour coordination. (Seriously! Check that crimson-matching! Did he use a paint swatch?) But he says he’s just “part of the minority that make a fool of themselves from time to time, out of conviction.” I’m prepared to say that the minority Nils is speaking about has a very high concentration of fathers.

barbie picnic van Heart melting. Read this.

Barbie Picnic van, anyone?

My dad – with his three daughters – has had to don a skirt many times. Hours spent playing with Barbie’s picnic van (which came with a little milkshake maker, so macho), endless dance eisteddfods and The Hannah Montana Movie have each formed important pleats in his fatherly kilt.

But it’s not just the girlie stuff that my dad has had to feel the breeze between his legs for. A couple of wobbly (very wobbly) trips around our local ice rink, a feigned interest in/understanding of the sport of Teeball and even an unabashed photo session of us in front of one of the My Restaurant Rules eateries (it was 2005, okay, and I was a little fanatical) are all times that will be remembered. Not because they were necessarily successful ventures, or the start of any great family tradition, but because they were times when the pull of three little pleading faces made my dad throw his inhibitive pants out the window and put on a skirt, for everyone to see.

Years from now, Nils’ son might have given up the dresses. But I don’t think that Nils would have given up the skirt. Because he knows, just like my dad, that wearing a fatherly kilt is an important job. And, one day, his son will thank him for it.

Mary is an intern at Mamamia, and a first year Media and Communications student from Sydney. She can do the splits, wiggle her ears and tell you who won Eurovision in 1973. You can follow her on Twitter here.
When has your dad stepped outside of his comfort zone to support you?

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74 Comments so far

  1. Pingback: Heart-melting. Read this. «

  2. Anonymous

    Sorry but the dad just said he is a minority that make a fool of themselves! Why on earth is he then encouraging his son to wear a skirt then if he is so called ‘making a fool of himself’!

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  3. Zufe

    A great article for anyone interested in this topic:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/12/magazine/whats-so-bad-about-a-boy-who-wants-to-wear-a-dress.html?pagewanted=1&_r=2&smid=fb-share

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  4. Melissa

    I love this story. If only more Dads were more supportive of their sons experimenting with girl clothes. My boys both went through a phase of changing into fairy costumes as soon as they arrived at daycare – they’ve both grown out of it. Although my youngest son still loves getting around in my heels. They have both started recently talking to me about boy and girl colours which made me really sad that someone else had taught them that – we talked about how there is no such thing.

    I come from a family of 3 girls. My Dad was awesome when we were growing up. He had long hair and he use to let us braid it all the time. He also use to let us put makeup on him and paint his nails. We convinced him to get in Mum’s daggiest nightie one night. He came to all our netball games as well.

    Good on you Nils for supporting your son.

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  5. Mum of 2 cheeky monkeys

    Which mothers think its funny to dress their boys like girls? I think the point is to let them wear what they want and allow them to express themselves. Nowhere does it say the mother dressed him that way because she thinks it’s funny! Perhaps you should be reading some of the feminist posts on this site- the ‘fathers job’ is not to overrule a child’s mother. Lord! Where in the 1950s are you from?

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  6. luly

    Great article and wonderful writing!

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  7. Some random

    As little John says in Robin Hood: Men in Tights- “you gotta be a man to wear tights!” (or dresses)

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    • Lisa Jensen

      BAHAHAAA – I LOVE that movie!!

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  8. Mum of 2 cheeky monkeys

    I saw an episode of QI recently that explained the pink for girls and blue for boys thing. Apparently, pink used to be a colour associated with princes, (red for the king, pink for the prince) . Around the turn of the century, (cant remember which king and queen it was), the queen was preparing to give birth. The king was absolutely certain she would be having a boy, (probably wishful thinking on his part wanting an heir). He had the nursery painted pink. The queen had a girl, but as his daughter was his only heir, the king continued having her dressed in pink. Pink became a colour for girls.

    Don’t know if it’s true, but it was on QI so it must have come from somewhere! As for boys dressing in skirts, lots of boys go through this phase and outgrow it. They haven’t been exposed to social mores and Lores at a young age, so it’s arbitrary to them who wears skirts or pants. Kids tend to become quite individual at Orr school age and insist on wearing outfits they pick for themselves. With my 3 year old every top has to have a truck on it, or he won’t leave the house. Except on the days he point blank insists on wearing his batman outfit. As a parent I go with it. They figure it out in their own time and tomorrow things will be different. Today he asked me to buy him a doll. Who am I to tell him dolls are for girls?

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    • lucinda

      There was an article in the AWW, I think within the last year, that explained the traditions. Although the above wasn’t included, it did mention that the pink for girls, blue for boys only became popular in about the 70s (I think). Before then, babies were usually dressed in white so that their clothes could be bleached. So this entire colour bias is relatively recent.

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  9. Mel b

    This is fantastic! My son is 4 he loves pink, and does dancing. his older brother teases him, my husband always says its just a colour. It should’nt be classed as girlie. He went out and bought a purple shirt for work. If he couldnt find a pink one but really wanted to show the boys, men wear any colour, not just blue.

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  10. Shannon

    The more we embrace people who challenge socially-constructed gender norms the less we will have to worry about saving them from the cruelty of others. More people who challenge = fewer people who have a problem = the less strange this will be.

    Once upon a time, pink was for boys and blue was for girls. Little boys and girls both wore dresses. This shit’s totally arbitrary and I’m more concerned about patents who don’t realise this than those that do

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  11. Flutterby

    Those that are most threatened by this sort of thing are usually those least secure in their own sexuality. Trousers are a relatively new invention.

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  12. missamoo

    My brother in law lost his mind when his son tried to wear his twin sisters crown at their 3rd birthday. It was a concerning thing to watch but i am not sure that clothing is te key to a child’s sense of self respect. The concept of building a child’s self esteem has been shown to build narcissists ( have a read of Children of the self absorbed: A Grown up’s guide to getting over narcissistic parents)and now the focus is on self respect, because a child with self respect has the notion of self protection. When kids practice self protection they can learn to become more resilient and that is what this father is teaching this child, nothing to do with stopping his baby from feeling alone. He is showing by example that being laughed at by others because of a clothing or any other choice is not the end of the world. The child can see that this kind of behaviour is not necessarily trying to be hurtful we sometimes just have to learn to understand each others differences, sometimes we can’t just instantly accept people’s differences. Discussing them and how things make us feel is another great tool for children to learn why they feel the way they do about lots of things.

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  13. Mike

    Yes seriously!
    It is a parents job to raise their child both physically and mentally. This is a definite case of mental abuse. Some women may think it is funny to dress their boys like girls. This is the point where fathers step in to protect their child from ridicule.

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  14. CBR

    Loving all the comments that roughly equate letting a boy wear a skirt to child abuse. Are adult men who wear pink obvious survivors of societal gender norm abuse? DOWN WITH THE TOMBOY GIRLS, YES THAT INCLUDES YOU, SCOUT FINCH.

    Come off it. Societal norms are such because they’re reinforced by nongs who probably also used to think that male couples holding hands in public was blasphemy.

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  15. Strange thinking

    Preschool children eat snails and boogers. Does that mean we should eat them too if we want to support their lifestyle choices? I don’t care what wild and wonderful antics they engage in, it does not mean that a parent – an adult person of average intelligence – should copy them!

    It’s a parent’s responsibility to guide a child, not a child’s job to dictate to the parent. Is Mia going to start wearing a spiderman outfit and gumboots everywhere to make sure her baby doesn’t feel alone in the world?

    It is taking me a while to get a handle on this site, seriously weird and contradictory.

    So, a little boy is destined for greatness because his father walks the streets in a frock but Honey Boo Boo is headed for the nearest shrink’s couch?

    Really?

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    • Anonymous

      Erm, did you actually read the article, or just the headline?

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    • Mum of 2 cheeky monkeys

      Honey boo boo is arguably being exploited by self confessed red necks and exposed to the cruel and kid unfriendly world of pagenting. Complete with gallons of gogo juice. This little boy is being supported in his choices by his dad. What on earth is the connection?

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  16. Anonymous

    For me, this is not about the dresses or skirts. This little boy will *probably* grow out of this phase, like many little boys before him have.
    This is about showing a child that you will love, support and help them be who they are at any and every point of their lives. Today that might mean wearing a skirt, tomorrow it might mean reading the same book over and over because they love it, and in the future it might mean staying up until midnight – and asking all your frineds to do the same – to buy tickets for that concert your child is desperate to go to.
    I would do all of those things for my child, and I bleieve that Nils would too. The world needds more parents, and particularly more dads, like Nils. Wow!

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  17. KateC

    My dad used to do ballet performances for my sleep overs but I think it was for him as much as it was for us :) Go Nils! I hope my husband would be strong enough to do the same. For those saying we have to teach our kids what society expects, why can’t we aim to improve it instead?

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  18. leiah2006

    Dresses are BLOODY COMFORTABLE – that’s probably why the boy likes wearing them, as the boy is far too young to attempt to make a statement, which is what his father is doing on his behalf.

    Children are prone to issues during the stages in development where they form their identity, so I while he is being humoured for now, I hope he receives guidance when he needs it.

    And I don’t mean I hope he is swayed to masculine dress, rather I hope he is bestowed with the wisdom of societal norms, so he can CHOOSE to go against them or not. For example you don’t go to a party in your pyjamas, even though they are a lot more comfortable, and you should be able to wear whatever you want. So why don’t you?

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    • Molly

      Ok, so you’re at a bar and a bloke in a twinset tries to chat you up ….

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      • blu-k

        Well, I’d ask him about the twin set and see what he said! If I was charmed by his answer then I’d take it from there.

        Don’t forget David Beckham wore skirts … didn’t seem to do his masculinity or pulling power any harm.

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  19. Squirrel

    This is worse than the kids who become adults who refuse to eat entire food groups because their parents enabled it. All for letting your kids be free spirits but we all know how cruel playgrounds can be, and I think as I parent of a young child who doesn’t know better it’s somewhat your job to prevent them to be set up for being further bullied or picked on.

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    • Lisa Jensen

      I understand where you’re coming from with that, but I read that as the toddler equivalent of victim-blaming. I think rather than the onus being on a single parent to stifle their child’s self-expression, it should be on the general population to teach their children to accept others as they are and that bullying in any form, for any reason, is not tolerable.

      And any adult is well within their rights to refuse to eat any food group they wish, whether it has anything to do with their childhood diet or a decision they have come to on their own is irrelevant.

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    • Mum of 2 cheeky monkeys

      So instead of squashing this little boys self confidence in order to change his identity, (and many more as its not uncommon for boys to want to wear dresses), why not change the playground?

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  20. JosieY

    Love it. It is a sad reflection on society that girls dressing like boys is (slightly) more acceptable but boys still can’t dress in the least bit feminine. It is because a girl acting like a boy is increasing her status whereas a boy acting like a girl is taking a step “down” in status and we can’t handle that. When will being female be just as valuable as being a male?

    ETA my son (13 months) wears pink/’girly’ clothes (flowers, sparkles etc) about half the time. My hubby is fine with that but won’t let him wear an adorable little flanny I bought him because he’s “not raising a bogan!”

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    • leiah2006

      You raise a very good point !

      When being teased, the insult “girly” is somehow translated into the same as “weak” for a boy.

      Fascinating stuff.

      And how cute that a little adorable flanny (i can just picture it) would make him look like a bogan, I had to laugh! :)

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    • AJS

      Very good point. “Sissy” is exactly that.

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  21. Hoping for warm weather

    This is just gorgeous. What a wonderful dad and beautiful words of encouragement below.

    My son is three and refuses to wear clothes. He’s identified as a nudist but the less progressive tease him. I now feel brave enough to support him in his lifestyle choice.

    Ladies, pray the weather warms up for me!

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    • LJ Phoenix

      My younger brother went through a nudist phase at the same age. The only thing he liked wearing was a cape and he called himself “Super Naked”!! He’s now almost 22 and has – thankfully!! – grown out of it. ;)

      Good luck with “Super Naked 2.0″!!
      :) xx

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      • Mum of 2 cheeky monkeys

        Totally rofled at that! Super naked has a totally different meaning at 22!

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  22. Fionar

    Great story :) What an awesome Dad!

    Mary, you have the same name as my nan lol :)

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  23. Col

    What a fabulous dad and heart-warming story for Father’s Day! :)

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  24. Diandra

    Why is ok for girls to wear tracksuit pants and other ‘boy’ clothes, however it is scandalous for a boy to wear ‘girl’ clothing? It is nothing to do with making them fall in line with their gender, rather making them happy with who they are. My stepson loves princess movies and the colour pink. He also loves spiderman and mud. Should we stop him from watching Disney movies and choosing the pink balls at swimming just because he is a boy?

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  25. jamilarizvi

    This is such a gorgeous story. I just love it. And very well told, well done Mary. xx

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  26. SC

    My son is 4 and he loves to wear a dress too! He wore a fairy dress to a fairy party recently, I took ‘boys clothes’ in bag in case he was laughed at and changed his mind – he didn’t, he had a great time and felt he looked like everybody else. He likes his nails painted, pink is his favourite colour and prefers to wear a nightie to bed than pj’s.
    I don’t encourage it, I don’t discourage it, I don’t fight it. I believe he will grow out of it eventually and if he doesn’t, we’ll deal with it.

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    • Grow up

      Yes, I understand that but did his father go dressed as a fairy princess just in case your son was teased?!

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      • AJS

        ‘Grow up’ (your name)? I think what they have done is very admirable.

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  27. Anonymous

    Sorry, this is ludicrous and cruel. For heavens sake dress the child in gender appropriate clothes and stop stroking your progressive hipster ego by making a fool of you both. If he is genuinely identifying as transgender and you have sort professional advice then let him change his name and live as a girl. A father who lets his daughter put nail polish on him is adorable, this father is a misguided nutter.

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    • CBR

      Why do they have to be one or the other? Why are skirts necessarily girls’ clothing? This kid may not be transgender. He may not want to or identify as being a girl. He may just want to wear skirts, as I wanted to wear army clothes in my pre-teen tomboy stage.

      Are you calling all Scottish kilt-wearers unmanly men of the highest order? :p

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    • Mrs Woog

      Anon, come and spend a weekend with me. You will change your mind x

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    • Ljw

      Erm, there was a time when pants/trousers were only for men and any woman wearing them were probably seen, as you have described, as ludicrous and a bit of a nutter. In my opinion this man is far from cruel, quite the opposite in fact.

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    • SusieQ

      Thank you Anonymous for being a voice of reason here!

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    • Annacristina

      Hanon, have you got/had a child who would only wear clothes “belonging” to the other gender? I did. I have an 8yo girl who refused to wear girl clothes from age 2 1/2. I tried. Heaven knows I tried – for a while. But parenting is about choosing the battles you can win. My little girl idolised (still does) her brother who is 7 years older. She did everything he did, the way he did. And personally, as long as she was clothed, what was the fuss? We had a fabulous kinder teacher who took me aside at the end of the first day and told me that Miss C had introduced herself and said, “and I wear boy clothes”. Jan gently suggested that I not make a fuss, so that my daughter had the chance to grow out of it – if that were to happen – but to not make it an issue so that she would desire the disapproved. And rhere was no concern about gender identification, she knew she was a girl. Anyway. Time went on. She wears girl clothes now, but only shorts and jeans. NEVER dresses or skirts.

      But I’d like you to think about this next bit. My daughter turned out to have Aspergers. This commonly comes with problems with sensory integration. It appears that she wore boy clothes because they felt quite different from girl clothes – no extra fabric, body shaped, so she could recognise where what went, and she could see what to wear for the weather, and always natural fibres. I did what was right by her in my eyes, but now know that I did what she NEEDED at the time. Dont judge, Anon. There are so many things parents deal with that outsiders never see. And clothes are such little things to make big arguments about.

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      • k-pearl

        Yeah, I agree. Who knows why he chooses what he chooses. My girl would only ever wear her brother’s hand-me-downs. Sensory integration disorder after three years in a Russian orphanage. New clothes were torture – too scratchy. Anyway, it’s all about context. I live in the biggest Polynesian city in the world (Auckland) and there are whole suburbs chocka with men and boys in skirts, especially on Sunday (church). And they do not look feminine! Oh my, no. When that little boy goes back to Berlin as a teen or adult he’s gonna fit right in to one of the coolest, most non-conformist cities in the world.

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      • Mum of 2 cheeky monkeys

        Annacristina I love this! Sometimes your kids just know best and you have to trust them. Lovely story.

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    • Anonymous

      What, so someone who dresses their daughter in jeans and a green t-shirt with sneakers is “stroking their progressive hipster ego”? Because back in the 1950′s (where you’re obviously still residing) that wasn’t gender appropriate for girls…..

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  28. MsDovic

    Who won Eurovision in 1973?

    And the world would be a better place with a few more Nils in it :)

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    • marywardy

      Luxembourg :)

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      • Abby

        I though ABBA from Sweden won with ring ring?

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        • marywardy

          Alas, you are thinking of their 1974 win with ‘Waterloo.’ ‘Ring Ring’ is probably the better song, though ;)

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  29. Mary Christmas

    Another Mary under the age of 50! Hail Marys!
    Nice piece btw.

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  30. becsparrow

    Oh Mary, this column has made my day.

    I love it. I loved hearing about Nils. And, I must confess, hearing about you making your dad pose for photos with you outside a My Restaurant Rules restaurant. (That’s totally the type of thing I do … we’re clearly from the same tribe).

    Happy Sunday!

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    • marywardy

      Oh Bec, I didn’t even mention the time my sisters and I got photos outside of the Biggest Loser House…

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      • becsparrow

        Been there sister.

        I even bought one of Fitzy’s MLS t-shirts (Massive Loser Squad). Remember those?

        There is no lame thing I haven’t done.

        We are the joint Mayors of Lame Town.

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  31. InKL

    My Dad was from the Caveman era so the skirt wearing was definitely left to my Mum. My husband on the other hand has patiently sat through games of babies and my little pony-in-the-dollhouse afternoons, has been photographed wearing the makeup his girls did for him and has gone into work still wearing the nail polish after a beauty session at home.

    He’s a skirt wearer and loves it.

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    • Marion25

      My mum [who is 64 this year] fondly tells the story of the time my grandfather answered the front door with a pink bow tied in his hair. He was almost completely bald, but had a little whispy bit of hair on top of his head. My mum was about 5 at the time!

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  32. Simone

    Loved nils ….all a dad should be !
    Also proud of Mary ! Great job you well done !

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  33. Anonymous

    Awesome, especially considering he is in Germany. I got yelled at over there for taking my 4 year old daughter out without stockings on. And the time I took both kids into a supermarket with no shoes on, I’ve never got that many dirty looks before in my life. Go Nils!

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  34. Cazzaa

    Now I’ve heard everything. What next, men wearing superhero costumes to do the groceries or giant Cinderella’s at the pre-school gate? If your child has lost its hair then im all for shaving your head but I don’t find this heart warming.

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    • CazzaaNo More

      Sorry, that’s not a photo of me. I must have used the same name as a regular commenter. Apologies to CazzaaCazzaa, who’s opinion is possibly vastly different from mine.

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    • Lovely lady

      I think you have missed the point it’s not about wearing a skirt or a dress it’s about what a father did for his son out of love to make him feel safe and secure regardless of what society thinks. I think it shows how far men have come, he could have done what a man would do 50 yrs ago and berate his son, put him down for his choices, refuse to allow him the dresses taking away his self discovery of who he is. Some men who experienced this without dads support have ended up depressed, some even taking their own lives.

      This man is a hero to his son and this could only strengthen their relationship for years to come. Good on him!!!!

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      • Grow up

        No. The child is going to beg to move to another country where people don’t remember that he wore dresses and that his parents allowed it! Do we need to have Parental Guidance warnings on clothes so save the progressive nutters from raising destined-for-therapy kids?

        I’m in agreement with Cazza. This is madness.

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        • Lovely lady

          Destined for therapy kids….research has shown the era of men brought up when little boys where not allowed to cry and had rough grouf dads that didn’t speak of love are a generation of men who have a high rate of depression and actually needing therapy. Children that are brought up with love, support and an encouragement to express who they are are showing to be more balanced and more accepting to who they are as individuals.

          I guess every parenting style is different but I guess through the posts so far it seems more people think this is sweet and only the minority have an issue with it.

          I wore army pants as a kid god forbid how dare I dress as a boy haha

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        • Z

          Seriously what is so wrong with a boy wearing a dress…

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          • Strange old world

            He can wear anything he likes at home but it is cruel to allow him to go to preschool dressed like a girl. That’s why kids have parents, to look after them and save them from themselves. If the child wanted to live on soft drink we’d expect his parents to stop him.btgus is no different. Most parents want to spare their children pain, this father is merely exacerbating it by donning a twinset and pearls. Talk about compounding a problem!

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            • Mum of 2 cheeky monkeys

              Muon is at pre school today wearing a Thomas t shirt. If he had worn a dress I don’t think any of the other kids would have cared. They don’t get it. These are our grown up societal norms. Kids just want to play.

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    • Anonymous

      Completely agree. All this is doing is setting his son up to be the weird kid at school that kids pick on, and everyone talks about. When I was a kid there were plenty of things I wanted to do that we’re out of the ordinary but my parents wouldn’t let me because it was their job to teach me how the world works and how society operates.

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      • Ponykid

        Oh yes because god forbid you should be different. After all the entire goal in life is to FIT IN. Dont stand out, dont be different, dont risk being thought of as strange.

        Feel free to raise a perfect little clone, Ill let my kid live life from his own unique perspective thanks very much.

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        • Molly

          So when he’s still picking his nose in highschool, that’s ok?

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      • Mum of 2 cheeky monkeys

        I tinks it’s a shame when we insist our kids are ‘ordinary’. I want mine to be extraordinary in every way they choose!

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        • Beige person

          I agree with you to a point. It’s good for kids to be able to express themselves but it’s also fine to be ‘ordinary’ if that’s what you want.

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    • Mum of 2 cheeky monkeys

      So what if dads do wear superhero costumes to do the groceries? Why do you care? I wonder if some of these negative comments are from people without kids or with only very young kids? Toddlers and ore schoolers do this sort of stuff all the time. My cousin went to school for the first month wearing a batman outfit under his uniform. It was the only way my aunt and uncle could get him to wear the uniform.

      Some girls want to wear fairy costumes all the time. My friends little girl insists on pink tights under red shorts. Who cares? They outgrow it once they’ve worn a school uniform for a few months and they learn more about our grown up rules. Kind of ashame really! One amazing thing about kids is they don’t know our rules yet so they do purely what they feel like. It’s kind of refreshing.

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