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free range kids parents helicopter vl vertical For $350 this woman will ignore your kids.

Lenore Skenazy with her son

by KATE HUNTER

World, meet New York writer Lenore Skenazy. For the bargain price of $350, Lenore is offering to meet your kids at the park, leave them there and disappear to sip coffee in a café.

Note: That café will have no view of the park -it may be a block or two away. And not one of the kids will have a mobile phone. The kids will be free to make their own way home afterwards. She won’t help them or even find out what arrangements they might have made for themselves.

Did we mention $350?

If you haven’t heard of Ms Skenazy, you might have heard of her Free Range Kids ‘movement’ which began  a few years ago when she  wrote a column about her nine year old son riding the subway alone. It earned her the title of ‘America’s Worst Mom’ from some of the helicopter parenting camp but she wasn’t deterred.

In fact, she’s become quite evangalistic about how parents need to BACK OFF and let kids make decisions, fall off playground equipment and sort out their own disagreements. Not because she’s lazy, but because she firmly believes it’s good for kids to cultivate some independence and survival skills, and she wants kid’s to have a chance to ‘do what we did – play on our own’.

Skenazy realises some parents find a hands-off approach difficult, so she’s offering to do it for them. For $350.

She says on her website:

This is not only fun, it’s formative — especially when it’s a bunch of children of different ages – because play is Mother Nature’s super vitamin.

Today’s kids spend an average of more than 7 hours a day on “entertainment media,” according to a Kaiser Family Foundation study.  In a typical week, only 6% of children ages 9-13 play outside on their own.

I’m with Lenore here all the way. I wouldn’t pay $350 though – I wouldn’t pay a cent. I’m okay with letting my kids play unsupervised, outside the boundaries of our home.

In fact, as I write this, my 11 year old son and five of his mates are somewhere in our suburb. They could be at the cricket nets around the corner. They could be damming the creek down the road. Although I’m not a hundred per cent sure of their exact location, I’m positive they’re having a great time, and hopeful none will come home bleeding.

Thankfully, the parents of this particular posse are comfortable with this loose rein attitude. But many aren’t, so it’s great to read someone smarter than me who says I’m doing the right thing -  by doing pretty much nothing.

Skenazy quotes Harvard psychologist Susan Linn :

kids For $350 this woman will ignore your kids.

Beware of free range children.

“…play is the foundation of intellectual exploration. It’s how children learn how to learn. Abilities essential for academic success and productivity in the workforce, such as problem solving, reasoning, and literacy, all develop through various kinds of play, as do social skills such as cooperation and sharing.”

Being a parent, not a parenting expert, I’m not entirely sure what that means, but it’s reassuring to know I’m not a neglectful parent raising feral children.

The whole school holiday activity industry depresses me a bit. I get that many (most) parents need to work and leaving kids to their own devices for long periods isn’t a good thing, but back-to-back activities is expensive, restrictive and apparently not as good for kids as hanging out at the park.

It’s also not as much fun. But it’s hard when a growing number of kids are enrolled in holiday sports programs – there’s often no one left to play with. And there’s always the hairy eyeball you get from less loose parents gagging to dob you into A Current Affair.

It’s true no parent ever totally relaxes until their kids are within hugging distance, but it’s worth being strong – Skenazy recommends parents think about when they had most fun as a kid … “Chances are it wasn’t at Kumon.”

Do you believe kids should be left to play unsupervised? Is it something you’re comfortable doing?

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162 Comments so far

  1. Craig

    I do remember when I lived in Melbourne (Diamond Creek) as a kids, which means I was less than 7 years old, we used to wander down the road to friends places and go and play in the park or bush a few blocks away unsupervised.

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  2. distracted

    I wish I was more comfortable with free range parenting. My girls are 5 and 8, and I’m just too much of a worrywart. Unfortunately no use just telling myself not to be – I can’t *just change* – but I haven’t found exactly how to do that yet!

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    • Kate Hunter

      If you’re happy with things the way they are, I reckon don’t stress! What bothers me is when parents are so busy anyway then they feel the need to take their kids to the park and hang out with them there; while they could be working, getting dinner sorted, or just be at home etc I recommend Lenore’s book. She crunched the numbers and found our kids are far safer than they’ve ever been. It’s just that we read about the bad stuff for longer, in more horrifying detail, so the world seems more dangerous.

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      • distracted

        Thanks Kate :) I’m not unhappy with the way things are, but I know I could stand to back off a bit.

        Lenore’s book does sound like a good antidote to all the bad news. Have now ordered it off Amazon :) I deliberately don’t watch TV or read online news much because it stresses me out, but horrible stories seem to find me. The other day someone at work said they knew of a 4 year old who died in his sleep with no medical history. Whhhyyy did I need to know that???!!

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    • Anonymous

      I’m the same. I won’t even let the cat play outside because of the ‘what-ifs’. My son is only 7 months but I just *know* my worry-wartism is going to cause problems with my partner who would happily take a nap and leave him to his own devices…meanwhile, I don’t even want to send him to daycare (or leave him with his father!!)

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  3. S

    Baha, so true. No one ever looks back on their childhood and wishes they’d been able to spend more time at Kumon.

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    • green trees

      what is kumon?

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      • Jecoro

        Its a large tutoring company. Kids from basically grade one can go to the classes weekly to ensure they are up to scratch (or ahead) in maths, science, probably everything. Im sure it has its place if the child is struggling to understand the concepts but on the other hand Im sure some children are sent to ensure they get high grades to get into a good/selective high school.

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        • chillax

          One of friends who is a teacher often jokes that most kids who go to Kumon dont need it at all, but their parents need counselling to learn how to stop pressuring their kids!

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  4. heather

    My kids grew up on a farm and did a lot of free-range play. There were rules and places they were not allowed and they knew why and what the possible consequences were. I probably hovered a bit if they had friends from town visiting as I could clearly see how much less confident (and competent) these kids were in a farm environment but they grew up with great tree-climbing and animal handling skills.
    PS I’m surprised that it’s often those people who like their eggs to be free range who end up being helicopter parents and never letting their kids out of their sight!

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  5. Michelle

    Damn, if only my mum knew her parenting skills would have become known as the “free range kids” movement, she could have cashed in on it back in the 90s.

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  6. bec

    love the comment about kumon, gold!

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    • chillax

      Yeah!! I’d much prefer my child get 70% on their own accord than get 90% because they’ve spent most of primary school in some sort of tutoring!

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