J-Lo, daughter Emme and boyfriend Casper at Chanel
By MIA FREEDMAN
I promise this isn’t going to be an uppity column about the fact Jennifer Lopez took her four year old daughter to a Chanel show. Or that Victoria Beckham sat catwalk-ringside with her one year old. This is not a column called Why Are Celebrities Taking Children To Fashion Shows And Have They Confused Baby Humans With Expensive Handbags Or Small Dogs.
As far as cruelty to children goes, I’m not losing sleep over the little ones forced to watch size 0 models in $18,000 jackets stomp up and down a catwalk for 20 minutes. There are worse things than being bored, WORSE THINGS I TELL YOU, little Emme.
But that look on Jennifer’s face? I know that look. I’ve worn it on so many occasions. It says: “I thought this experience would be really different to the way it’s turning out and this is hard and unpleasant and I am feeling extremely stressed/anxious/frustrated/disappointed”. I’d bet the same thoughts are going through the mind of the little girl squirming restlessly on J-Lo’s lap and wishing she could be anywhere but here where it’s BORING and too bright and awfully loud. And why isn’t that skinny lady wearing any pants with her jacket? Did she forget to put on her pants? And Mu-um, can I have your phone and when are we go-ing?
Absurdly often, I have this lovely, wafty image of what an outing with my kids will be like and then reality goes and screws with my fantasy, turning it into scrambled eggs with a side order of excruciating. Even after 3 kids and 15 years, I cannot seem to reconcile the IDEA of a fun, bonding experience with my child with the reality of….you know, CHILD.
Like the time I decided it would be life-affirming to bring a baby to a funeral (the circle of life!) and had to excuse myself when his crying began to drown out the eulogy. Sorry grieving loved ones, I muttered as I squeezed past them with a wailing infant clutched to my bosom, pretending to comfort him but really trying to insulate the congregation from the godawful noise.
Or the time last year when I took my two youngest ice-skating, with thoughts of happy frolicking. Adventures! Fun! Unfortunately, my 3 year old and I had a major misunderstanding about how ice-skating works. When I’d explained to him that it was no big deal if you fell over and got your bottom wet, he interpreted a wet bum to be the objective of the exercise. Thus we have some special photographic memories of me dragging him around the rink trying to keep him upright as he tries to sit down on the ice and becomes a bawling, thrashing dead weight. And then I fell on him.
Look, you can see how it went down in this movie:
My favourite part is when i just kind of give up and skate off as if I’m not dragging a small squirming child.
It was only during the car ride home when everyone had stopped crying and we were having a debrief that I learned about the crucial miscommunication. “But you told me to sit down and get my bottom wet,” he protested accusingly. “Oh well!” I chirped. “Wasn’t that fun? WASN’T IT?”
Then there was the time a friend and I took our daughters to a Yo Gabba Gabba concert. The theatre was an hour from home so I suggested we take the train. What fun! A train! Adventures! With our daughters in tow, we had to walk miles through stations, change trains three times and then RUN 3km from the station to the theatre. We had no prams. The girls demanded to be carried and we were so late we had little choice. Ever tried running 3km carrying a small, grumpy child? “Let’s just grab a couple of those, and pull the girls the rest of the way,” I panted at one point, gesturing to some wheelie bins. Are we having fun yet?
Having fun yet? Are we?
You see, like most women, I am the family memory maker. I’m the one who organises the celebrations and the excursions even when I know they will be absolutely punishing and someone will cry. If it’s not me, I consider it a win, on balance. My husband is baffled by my determination to do these‘fun’ activities which I rarely enjoy except in the peaceful delusion of my own mind. “The kids will be just as happy playing with the hose in the backyard or getting to the next level of Doodle Jump,” he suggests. “I’m making memories,” I hiss back at him. “Doodle Jump is not a memory! It’s an app! Different!”
As part of my Memory Maker role, I find myself maniacally repeating “Isn’t this fun? Aren’t we having fun?” even when we are plainly not (see ice skating anecdote above). It’s like I can somehow make it true by saying it, forcing everyone to file this occasion in the mental folder marked “Happy Family Memories Of My Childhood”. I’d like to think this file is filled to overflowing and yet I fear it has a couple of crumpled bits of paper in it marked “Christmas” and “That time we had a water fight in the garden.” And Yo Gabba Bloody Gabba.
And if you’re someone who’s never in your family photos, you need to read this.
Are you also your family’s memory maker?
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Funny video – I had to watch it twice to try and get the same laugh second time round.
We should listen to Jerry Seinfeld before we embark on memory making:
‘There is no such thing as fun for the whole family’.
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Oh, yes. I realised all this a while ago when I was working on Sundays. I would get home and my husband had actually achieved stuff, like mowing the lawn and reading the paper. He pretty much ignored the kids, except to intervene in dangerous activities or turn the Wii on. And they were all so very happy at the end of the day. He wasn’t stressed, they were relaxed (filthy, but relaxed) and not the same frazzled mess I am after a day of ‘memory making’.
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Who takes a baby to a funeral? Unless you are prepared to spend most of it outside & missing it!
I missed my sister-in-law’s wedding ceremony because I didn’t feel right about breastfeeding in a Catholic church!
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Love this!! So glad it’s not just me who has great ideas which often turn into not-so-great reality! Thanks Mia.
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Ha! Yes I’m the family memory maker.
My outings have worked best when the kids are definitely old enough for whatever activity it is. If they’re likely to get tired, or their legs aren’t strong enough or whatever, it’s just as likely to be a bad memory
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S-N-A-P…. funny how three year olds are not all that interested in the Maritime museum…. I mean whats not to love?? On the trip home just to ensure my hard planned ‘memories’ are imprinted in their happy childhood psyche I debrief – ‘What was the best bit of (insert said experience)”… answer usually is ‘Having New Zealand Ice Cream!’
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This was a fabulous article! There is great power in mums sharing their stories and a laugh, and we should not underestimate it. Articles like this help us all to realise we’re not alone, we’re not going insane, and our kids are no different to any others. We all know how challenging parenting can be. So if we can share our stories with honesty and give each other a laugh in the process, more power to us!
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Oh yes, I do believe in creating these happy moments! I believe that the kids won’t remember the screaming (from them or me), as long as there was some semblance of photographic proof we can then distort the memory to make it a happy, laughing, enjoyable one
On our recent trip to Sydney I realised we needed to lower our expectations. After driving down (yes, driving, in a car, with two kids) from Brisbane, our first day we went into the city to catch the ferry to Manly. Sitting at Circular Quay and marvelling at the harbour/opera house/bridge, all the kids were exicted about was the plane going overhead and the boats.
Although the Ferry ride was fun (if you count trying to stop an toddler from climbing over the railing of a ferry fun). The real fun was when we got to the beach. Miss C decided to start stripping off so she could jump in the water. The FREEZING water. No way were we going in, no way could she reconcile in her mind that she wasn’t, cue a big tantrum. Then once she had calmed down we went to get lunch, Master A got overtired and chucked another tantrum (where people stop you to comment on, one of those). We then lost his hat so I had a tantrum. Even icecream didn’t calm him down (but did help me). Eventually we headed home having ticked all the boxes, (train ride, ferry ride, beach, fish and chips, icecream), exhausted but happy. HAPPY I TELL YOU!
And here’s a picture to prove it:
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This is a very sad article.
There is a deep pleasure in pursuing friendships with our children and delighting in them. Our children mirror our attitudes and if we don’t enjoy our children, how can they enjoy us?
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And there is deep pleasure in being able to see the funny side of life and teaching our children to do the same as none of us are perfect….
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And where exactly did Mia say she “doesn’t enjoy her children”?!!
Everyone wishes each day with their children was a “sparkling adventure” but sometimes that pesky thing called – the real world – has a habit of screwing that up.
Enjoy pursuing those friendships with them though and delighting in every single second of their lives. Maybe tomorrow you could get out the butchers paper and workshop some ideas with them on how to get Mummy a sense of humour.
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We enjoy our kids, but we don’t all enjoy doing the same things. Clearly, ice skating isn’t for Mia’s family. Some families can’t gather around the Monopoly board without someone setting fire to Mayfair, others pale at the thought of a theme park visit, no matter how FUN the ads look. I think the family that LOVES every activity because of the sheer JOY of being together is a bit … weird. Or untruthful. The ability to have a laugh about it afterwards is the key.
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“Some families can’t gather around the Monopoly board without someone setting fire to Mayfair”
Hah, we must be related. In my family, card games (and Monopoly) were always a blood sport.
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J-Lo’s daughter looks SO BORED!
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With 3 and 5 year old boys we have had so many shockers in the outings department …. “guys this is supposed to be fun ……”
I’m convinced however that ‘memory making’ is more about creating family traditions and repeating them to provide rhythm and constancy to their weeks, years etc. like decorating the lounge room and hiding their presents while they sleep for their birthday …. Easter egg hunts with the same baskets every year …. Movie nights on Friday night ….. Games night no tv on Saturdays …. I’m looking for a few more ideas …..
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Yes, the funeral story!! We were even in the crying room (catholic church’s are very accommodating) and heads were turning as the scream on my son is incredibly loud. He started screaming as a little girl he’s been playing with in the room was taken back to her pew – I tried to keep him in (to save him climbing on the pews, which is what got us in there in the first place), but alas, in hindsight, pews climbing is more palatable at funerals than screaming it seems. If only there was a back door out of that crying room!! When the singing of ‘”the lord is my shepherd and I want to follow” began, we legged it out of there… followed the lord so to speak!! God, never again. Last funeral of our dear neighbour, I left the kids in the car, snuck in to sign the book, sent some love into the church & went back to my children, happily strapped into their car seats watching an Octonauts video on my phone. Happier outcome for everyone
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I used to always be thinking of the next greatest fun outing for the kids and often I think it is so they had something exciting to write about each Monday in their ‘On the weekend I…..’ book at school.
However after reading my sons book recently where visits to Granny & Pa, mowing the lawn with Dad or kicking the football at the park featured over a miniature train ride, a visit to the museum, and a picnic in the botanic gardens, no more. Those outings will be rare, home is where the fun is apparently.
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In year 3, I discovered my son was writing things like “stayed home and watched TV” every week, even when we had been to Dreamworld or he movies (and despite watching little TV!), because the little darling couldn’t be bothered writing any more in his weekly journal. the teacher must have thought I was a total couch potato. He’s 15 now, not much has changed
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Took my sons (11 and 8) to the local pool yesterday. 11yo can swim reasonably well, but 8yo had a foam ‘noodle’. 11yo kept trying to take it off him, and scare him by playing ‘shark’. I ended up hissing, so help me God, ‘Will you leave him the f**k alone!!!’
Took them to a Wiggles concert when oldest was 3 and youngest a few monhts. Venue was a 2 hour drive away. We had nosebleed seats. Wasn’t allowed to take pram in. Had to climb over several people, clobbering them with nappy bag in my wake. Sat down. Oldest said he wanted to do a wee. Climbed over everybody again, clobbered with nappy bag again… Sat back down, and he said he wanted to do a wee. Whole rigmarole again. He didn’t wee. I went berko and told him Mummy was not spending this frigging concert climbing up and down stairs. Clambered over everyone again, and the baby filled his nappy. Up again, climbing over people, going, ‘Excuse me, excuse me, pardon me, whoops sorry!…’ This is the worst outing I have ever had with my children.
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I have had experiences with my children that sound exactly like yours
I keep telling myself that one day outings will not be stressful. Hopefully one day soon 
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Sounds like my life,love it!
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Love the ironic background music in the video. Why are intensely frustrating moments always accompanied by upbeat music. In fact, sometimes when one of my small children are being feral I find myself singing some cheerful tune (when I’m not expressing the other emotion) just to get through. My mum used to do the same when we kept whinging and I guess it worked, even though it bugged the hell out of me.
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Great article, Mia! I laughed out loud at the funeral story, in particular. I also took my one year old to a funeral a few weeks ago, thinking exactly the same as you – that it would be somehow life-affirming for everyone to see a young baby in the congregation. Instead, after my son started screaming about two minutes into the service, I found myself breastfeeding him in the confession box to keep him quiet (definitely one of the more unusual place I’ve ever breastfed!).
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Snap!!! Lol
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Yep, I tried that at the Harry Potter exhibition in Sydney last year. Thinking I was smart I bought tickets for the 9.30am Sunday morning session. Of course that was the morning our entire family slept unusually late so we had to rush to get there on time. And only in the car on the way there, with my husband cursing me for such a stupid idea and driving like a lunatic, at 9.20 did I read the fine print on the ticket that you need to be there half an hour before your scheduled time slot. So we did make it there by 9.30 on the dot and all was ok. And we were finished and out the door by 10am. Done, finished, ready to go home! Not what I was expecting from my family outing or the $$$$ it cost me. So we were home by 10.30.
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I will cry if my toddler doesn’t sleep through the night. And stop talking to NOBODY in the middle of the night from 4.30am to….morning.
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Yay, I’m not alone!
great article
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Tried a family fun day yesterday. FAILED miserably.
We went to the vintage motorbike races – husband and eldest son like motorbikes! Eldest son (14) spent most of the time saying he was hot (he was wear a hoodie that he wouldn’t take off), hungry and wanted to go home. Middle son (almost 3) just wanted to touch all of the spectators motorbikes and then got VERY excited at the sight of tent with its zip open – I don’t think its socially acceptable to rummage through other peoples tents. Youngest son (18mo) is still just too young. His walking to too slow and uncoordinated and he hates being carried. OMG what a disaster of a day.
And yes I did the “isn’t this fun”….
My explanation to eldest son is – it could have been your thing. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and enjoy yourself.
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oh where to begin on this one….. there have certainly seemed to be more tears, tantrums and dummy spits in our family outings then smiles, giggles and photographic moments!… I too utter the words “aren’t we having fun!”
My kids and Husband roll there eyes at me and utter back in unison “Yes Mum”……
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Your trip to the yo gabba concert brought back repressed memories of the time we went to alma park zoo on the north side of Brisbane. There had been ads on tv advertising attractions you could take the train to, so off we went. There was apparently, a shuttle bus to the zoo. We arrived after a 2 hour trip (southern suburbs) and waited…and waited….Finally a stray rail employee was collared and told us there were only 2 shuttle buses per day. One there and one back. So we trudged there, with the kids complaining all the way and found out the return bus left half an hour after we got there…….
We spent a few hours there and got a taxi to the nearest station that afternoon. I spent the next few months snarling at the “city train” ads.
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We lived in Brisbane. Our children were three and five. We decided it would be a wonderful experience to drive to Sydney, particularly to visit Taronga Park and the Museum which had an outstanding display about dinosaurs. It rained for the entire car trip down and back, so the thoughts of joyful soccer in the park to break the journey were replaced with stops where we stayed in the car with windscreen wipers operating as it was raining so hard.
Our time in Sydney was, however, wonderful.
On the return drive, we asked our sons what they like best – the ferry rides, the zoo, the dinosaurs, parks, etc. The answer? The ride on the bus from North Quay to the city.
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I hear you Mia, even our weekly family movie night on a Saturday can get ugly as the kids argue over which movie to watch.
For all the stressed out mums, one of my favourite childhood memories is eating Cinese takeaway at my Nans place. She worked full time and had a tiny kitchen so she wasn’t up for high maintenance meals but we all loved going to her house.
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ROFL. Good one Mia. Thanks for the laugh!
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So funny how kids take things literally. I still remember trying to get my son to get out of bed to use the toilet when he needed to. He misinterpreted my words. He somehow thought he wasnt allowed to get up. – Until one day he wanted to get a certain blanket on his bed and I said ‘ok, if you get up and use the toilet during the night, then tomorrow you can ‘. Then it clicked, and he always got up when he needed after that!
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Ah the bribe, my most effective parenting tool too …
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Loved this! And definitely just had one of these moments myself this morning. We had our boys doing nudie runs through the sprinklers on the grass while we tested the reticualtion. I found myself pottering around the garden thinking about how wholesome their fun was, and how there had been no fighting/tears/shouting for ages, and how the simple things in life are so often the best, and how much I loved my little family. But then I returned to the scene on the lawn only to find my boys slinging pile upon pile of wet sand from the sandpit onto our fences. It looked like a murder scene. Back to the fighting/tears/shouting….
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yep that’s me too: holiday planner and fun-maker /photographer = worn out mother who was determined that yes, we will have fun on a family holiday, yes, we will just ignore the tempers and fights because it’s a FUN holiday. or concert. or event. or whatever. WHY oh why didnt I listen to my husband more who would suggest just the two of us ‘get’ away – plenty of time for that I’d say, and where are we going next…..From IL Divo to Disney on Ice to a cruise – maybe picking up the annual holidays I didn’t have as a child but you know what? I remember the two we did have – camping at Yarrawonga and Frankston beach – vividly! bless my parents who did what they could – me, I’ve been doing too much with now so many memories and too much stress and teenagers who now sit on their computers…
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I too am definitely, the family memory maker. In fact I’m a little obsessed with the whole thing. It think it stems from having a completely fucked up childhood where memories are few, and those few I have , I have lived my life trying to forget. So I have tried to make my kids childhoods memorable filled with trips to the beach, dreamworld, seaworld, whitewater world, every other world there is. I go overboard at Christmas time, try and make birthdays super special, and take loads of photos of all the great times we have. But I have to admit there have been plenty of these memory making outings that have ended in car rides home, with me muttering under my breath, “never again”!!! as I take extra strength panadol to try get rid of the massive headache I’ve scored. Oh also, the 1 hour train ride to the Brisbane Ekka is completely different to the train ride home. One’s good, the other one’s HELL.
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I am TOTALLY a family memory maker….
I think memories are made through many things…… the music we share with our kids, the outings we take them on but also (and very much so!!) by the food we feed them!!
http://www.mamamia.com.au/food/tzatziki-recipe-foodie-friday/
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Loved this article! In my case just add that autism was only diagnosed when number one son was 11, by which time I had 2 others with the same little secret waiting to ambush us all. I look back at all those “special times ” and at least I don’t think it was my fault any more!!!!
And number 3 gets to do VERY little!
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Wow, you child was diagnosed at 11! The spectrum is so big, I guess there is alot of room for gaps. My son was diagnosed at 2 – it was really obvious. There was pretty much noowhere we could take him easily and there was nothing he understood.
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Oh Anna, I feel for you and I love that you have a good sense of humour to go with it – the only way to deal with life’s ‘little secrets’ I reckon. My daughter was assessed and although not on the spectrum, is a ‘quirky’ kids in ways. Shopping centers don’t work, surprises don’t work, change of plans don’t work! It’s tricky, but once you understand their rules, life gets easier I guess.
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Oh Mia… I sooooo know exactly how you feel.
I mean c’mon which mother has tried to attend mum’n'bub yoga with their first born who has no routine?? (I bought twenty sessions worth imagining I would be as organic as Miranda Kerr pffftttt!! I used 4 sessions only.)
Or the time I took my 8 month old to the Picasso exhibition thinking that he would be drawn to his works and would sit quietly in the gallery whilst he listened to me explain the story behind each art work… even bigger PFFFTTTT!!
and finally taking my son to the library for story time at 11 months thinking he would be drawn to the classics and find a chair and we sit for hours reading away. P – FFFFF – TTTTT!!! No wonder he was the youngest child there and every other child was 3yrs+
But it’s ok… They may not be his memories but certainly mine and one day when his older and more civil I’m sure my sons will laugh off all my stories of all the fun days and the equally frustrating days.
Xx
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Oh yes! I once spent $300 on tickets for us to see walking with dinosaurs as my son is completely and utterly bonkers for dinosaurs. Of course, as soon as the lights went down he freaked out and spent the whole time telling us he wanted to go home and hiding under his seat,
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Took the two year old twins on a picnic on yesterday. Sun was shining, we went to a beautiful park, packed a nice picnic lunch, had toys, balls, books with us, all bases covered right?
Well it took boy twin about 20 minutes to find a wood barbeque pit and play in that for a bit, return to us covered in soot, and had lost his shoe. Unpacked food, laid it all out. Girl twin plonked right down on plate of freshly made up bruschetta (for the grown ups, I’m not that silly I would give bruschetta to two year olds!!) and then slid off it…tomatoes, onions, basil all over the blanket. Things just got messier and messier from there. At least we are in a park and not a cafe, was my redeeming thought. I thought ice creams might save the day, bought ice creams…we all know how that ends…sticky mess everywhere! Girl twin patted a little black dog with her sticky ice cream hands and had black hair sticking to her everywhere. Sooty and the gorilla….thats my kids. Too bad about the nice “picnic outfits” I dressed them in to take some nice happy snaps!!
Thanks to the comedown from the ice cream sugar high we had to listen to extremely high pitched squealing, that eventually turned into crying and thrashing about in car seats for the entire 40 min drive home. Yep, fun day. Will we do it again? Yes. Being the eternal optimist, it cant be that bad twice in a row right?
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Frau, you have me laughing out loud!!!
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You had me laughing to. Thanks! Made my day.
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I meant too …. the grammar police are going to get me : )
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When our kids were little I had this image, every year, of all trimming the Xmas tree together, complete with Bing Crosby Xmas music!!! The reality was completely different. The damn kids would fight and argue about which decoartions went where and which tinsel to use and who got to put the angel on the top of the tree…it drove me insane…every year I ended up sending them to their rooms so we could fininsh the tree in peace. It took a while but eventually I just did it myself whilst they were out!!!
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Oh yes, the special time of putting the Christmas tree up. That actually ended in a fist fight between my two eldest boys one year. That was memorable. I now put the tree up while they’re at school on the 1st of December each year. It’s just easier to do it myself, and they actually get a kick out of coming home and the house is all Christmasy.
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I try to drag out the Christmas deccies each year until the 6th (my birthday is on the 5th). Now the older kids, particularly my daughter, will put the tree up when I’m not home on the 1st. Grrrr. Fortunately she’s moved out and my son is too unmotivated to do this. I’m afraid the 12 year old is a bit more determined than her brother however.
Your story of the fist fight over the Christmas tree gave me a good laugh, although I bet it wasn’t funny at the time.
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We laugh about it now, but at the time it was a pretty ugly scene. It started over trying to untangle those damn lights that no matter how hard you try and put them away neatly, they end up a tangled mess when you get them out. One thought the other wasn’t doing it right and attempted to take over. Not a good idea.
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I love reading your columns as they always make me laugh, cry etc because I can totally relate to everything you write about. Especially your latest article about being the memory maker. I too suffer from the delusion of how wonderful and fun our latest adventure will be only to have reality kick that fantasy straight out of the ball park within 5mins of closing the front door. I end up frazzled beyond belief and its no wonder that some sneaky grey hairs are starting to make their presence known in my early 30′s *cringe*. But like you, I will persist in trying to make happy childhood memories no matter how futile it may seem at the time
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Lol, reading this after having to come home early from a morning tea at a lovely cafe with the kids and grandparents. Oh, it will be so much fun! The kids can run around outside in the gardens while we wait for our food and pink milk to come. What a nice way to spend Sunday morning! Unfortunately it began pouring as we stepped out of the car, so the kids were stuck at the table with us. My 18 month old cracked it in the end and we had to gobble down our food and leave. Didn’t we have fun, kids!? Mummy needs a little nap now…
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That is an hilarous piece Mia…mainly because you have captured my life to a tee! I to have dlusions that it will be a fun day out but of course it never is…Also my husband never wants to go as he says the kids are happier at home, which they are, but of course I am compelled by some false sense of “They have to have experiences to be a real person” that I can’t leave them in peace playing with the delinquent neighbourhood kids.Far more important to schlep them to the art gallery where it ends in a massive argument and me declaring that “I am NEVER taking them anywhere EVER again…..how disappointed they must be when they find out that I never keep my promises!
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im the same….,i try and convince husband that 2 1/2 y.o ‘needs to know how to act in public and learn social conventions.etc. etc…epic fail. we either get takeaway or the local sailing club where there is a play gym – gobble food and go!!
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Hilarious! Love the video! I am the memory maker, dragging three kids separated by 8 years on family outings – frantically running through the Sydney Aquarium to find a loo (note to everyone: the sodding place doesn’t have one until the END – apparently they take up too much space), going on holidays where every trauma of the last holiday has been magically wiped in my brain (camping with a 10 month old – why not?) and all because I am managing working mother guilt and wanting my monsters to look back on their childhood and have wonderful memories which will hopefully stop them turning into serial killers / drug addicts / domestic violence perpetrators. My husband looks at me sometimes like he can’t quite remember who I am and what happened to 22 year old who danced all night and slept all day …… “we don’t have to do this” he says to me ” yes we do” I snarl ” we are spending lovely family time together,”
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I completely relate Mia. Especially the ice skating – I remember just after our second daughter was born we took our three year old ice skating for a special ‘big sister’ treat – it ended in an awful lot of tears. I sat and breastfed our newborn while I watched my husband desperately try to teach our firstborn how to stay upright – it was a miserable failure. After many tumbles, bruises and wet bottoms, miss-three had a complete meltdown in the middle of the rink just as miss-newborn projectile vomited all over me. It was a fairly forgettable occasion and we haven’t attempted it since.
Then there’s the day when, seven months pregnant with my third child, I thought it would be a really great idea to take my two daughters, and a friend, to see ‘The Fairies’. They were all obsessed with fairies so it seemed the right thing to do during school holidays. So off we went to the theatre which was really not the kind of theatre you should hold a children’s event – it was more an adult music venue with no lift, bad visibility and terrible parking. After having to park miles away I needed to bring the stroller for my 2 year old to get to the venue, we too were running late and sadly discovered the seats I booked nice and early were real doozies. The girls could not see and every time they stood up in the aisle to dance away to ‘tapping in the sun’ a very non-kid-friendly staff member growled at them to sit down, causing miss 6 to end up in tears and sulk for the rest of the show. Trying to take them all to the toilet at intermission down a spiral staircase with the stroller was equally unpleasant – we were surrounded by masses of little girls in fairy dresses and their mums all wanting to do the same thing. This was the point where I too nearly cried. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough – we did not stop to queue for the over-priced merchandise – much to my six year old’s disappointment.
Now, our outings are more likely to be punctuated by miss (nearly) ten and miss six fighting and bickering over where to sit in the car or who got more sushi (that extra grain of rice is quite significant you know!).
As I type this two of them are playing outside on their make belief camping trip. The third is inside creating her own craft project. In fact, the thought of taking them out anywhere today is actually not that appealing at all. Now I think about it, many of my fond childhood memories are of the little games we played at home, our treehouse, pets and cooking yummy food.
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haha Mia that video is fabulous!!
Question: For those whose childhood wasn’t documented much by photos or videos for whatever reason does it bother you at all now as an adult? Or do you truly not care?
I’m struggling between being the memory maker and preserving those experiences on film. I’m a single parent and he’s an only child so often it’s just the two of us and I was never much of a picture taker/video maker in the first place. I’m the one who remembers that I should’ve taken pics on my way home from something and I still get baffled by people who go to concerts and just watch the whole thing through their phones.
But I’m always coming up with ‘events’ for my son and I to do and then feel torn between participating and having fun with him or documenting it somehow. I have this mini nightmare that he’ll come demand proof some day that we did anything at all and I’ll barely have any pics or videos to show him. Normally I try to reassure myself that the memories are implanted in his head but once in awhile (like now) something pops up to remind me and I feel quite guilty about the lack of evidence of all of our ‘fun’.
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Ah yes. Carrying the deadweight child. What a blast that is. Anytime I consider getting rid of the pram I just remember that weight and my aching neck, back, hips and hastily re-consider.
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Good question. In my opinion, memories that last are based on story-telling – that is, talking about events or things amongst the family or close friends. This enables repetition which allows the memory to be laid down by the child.
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I think there’s a similar thing about memories based on the family traditions or repetition – eg family holidays at particular places where you do particular things or having things you always do every Christmas or other special event.
For us, every year, we spend one week of the Oct holidays at a particular place and all the family comes – we swim, play tennis, visit the same playground etc every time and the kids LOVE it. When my kids stay overnight at their grandparents, they always walk along the beach and get ice-creams and they look forward to it every time they go there. I always make special women’s weekly book kind of birthday cakes for the kids and we have particular traditions we always do at Christmas or Easter. Friday nights we often let the kids watch a dvd and fall asleep on the couch, Sunday nights we often eat bacon and eggs for dinner.
Most of those things are pretty inexpensive, and once they’re teens, some of those things will be kinda daggy and we’ll probably need to re-think. But in the meantime, they’re easy ways of creating memories. Some of that we’ve been deliberate about, but some have just kind of happened because they’re good and comfortable (eg the Friday/Sunday night things or beach walks and ice-cream with Granny).
It’s those sorts of things I’ve noticed that my husband and I look back at fondly from growing up too.
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You know what, Beans – I think you have hit the spot there, re do we need actual visual records of having fun.
My Grandmother took care of my cultural soul – theatre, opera (how I hated that one!), symphonies, concerts – and one memorable occasion took me to the Beatles concert at Rushcutters Bay!
My mother “did things” with me – taught me to sew, knit, cook (ie rolling leftover dough around the floor, flattening it out and cutting out with cookie cutters, insisting it go in the oven with the apple pie, and being offended if nobody wanted to eat it…), corn dollies, peg dollies, cards, games.
We ackalacked around the back yard when small, and when older, around the neighbourhood, ie the whole of Sydney.
There is NO photographic record of any of these things, and yet I remember them so well.
Don’t fash yourself, people, about photos.
Most of them will end up in the bin eventually.
Enjoy the good times.
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Yes, they do matter. All of my baby/childhood photos were lost in a house fire when I was 7. Add to this that I am the second child and my parents aren’t huge photo takers anyway, and there is barely any evidence of my childhood, other than a few token photos on the walls of my grandparents houses. What an amazing experience it would be to be able to look back now at what my brother and I looked like, what we liked to do, what we were wearing and where we lived. The lack of photo representation seems to make the memories fade quicker; there is nothing to evoke a nostalgic conversation with my parents about when I was growing up. I do realize that this is a very Gen Y problem and I had a fantastic childhood, but it is worth thinking about.
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Bloody kids! I know how you feel Mia, and completely 100% empathise. After my daughter was born I had PND and was determined to make sure the kids got to have fun and make memories even though I felt like shite. So began the terrifying experience of panic attacks, meltdowns (mine), claustrophobia all while trying to maintain WE WERE HAVING FUN! AREN’T WE KIDS!?!
So yes, I get it.
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Absolutely can relate to this. There was the time I went to the zoo with my son and he was much more interested in the scales you put money in and weigh yourself than any animal he saw. I spent the whole day saying things like ‘look at the monkeys, aren’t they FUNNY’ and ‘wow that lion is SCARY’ (he wasn’t, he was asleep).
Then there were several trips to the movies where it was all about the snacks and much less about the movie. Again, much prompting from me for them to be quiet, forget about food and WATCH THE MOVIE!
And then there was the time we were on holidays and we decided to go for a fun drive around the countryside to see the sights. There was crying from the youngest and much whining from the other two that it was so boring and could they put a DVD on. Eventually they wore me down and I said in a fit of exasperation “I’m sorry I even brought you along” in my best fed up voice, only to have my eldest to pipe up and say “that’s ok mummy we forgive you” WHAT!?
And yes, my husband does roll his eyes at most of my family outing suggestions but he happily plays along.
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Worth it just for the video! I KNOW that feeling. That is me at the supermarket, walking along the street…actually mostly anywhere requiring hand-holding! Asian tourists at Parliament House in Canberra thought it very cute and photo-worthy when almost-two-year-old with her butterfly backpack (erm leash) on just sat down and refused to move. The joys!
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Thanks for sharing that video clip, Mia.
I must say you looked incredibly cool, calm and collected, which is an impressive feat in itself. My head would have been filled with expletives and I’m pretty sure my body language would have betrayed whatever impression of inner calm I wanted to fake.
Love it!
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Ohhh Mia, you poor thing…
Earlier this year, during a stinker of a heatwave, I organised an excursion with my grade 1s. I called it ‘Investigating Our Neighbourhood’. I was so sure that my class would love this little trip. Hats on, water bottles full and toilet trips done, we started on our way. “Where’s the BUS?” chirped one little cherub. “We’re walking!” I replied in my happy sing-song voice. “WALKKKKING?!?!” The students were horrified we were using our feet. Everything was going super-well. I was gaily naming various points of interest (“Oh look! A post office box!). With only the odd “How many more houses do we have to walk past?” I decided we would go a little further to the park for a play. It was only a street or two away. Wasn’t it?? Egads… WASN’T IT?? Half an hour later, drenched in sweat, water bottles long-past empty, I knew we had turned a right instead of a left somewhere along the way. “Do you know where we’re going?” asked my adventurers. “OF COURSE! Isn’t this FUNNN??” But I could feel a small mutiny on my hands. So we ducked into the nearest milkbar (thank god for the good ol’ milkbar!) and I bought 25 lemonade icy poles for my worn out little troops. I silently admitted defeat and those kids couldn’t get back to school quick enough. One wise voice piped up as we entered the school gates, “Y’see, THAT’S why we need a BUS!!!” (duly noted)
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Love this Mia! So true. My only consolation is they will look back and only remember the good bits.
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I hope so!!!!
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So it’s not just the men that you progressive empowered women are driving crazy!
(Insert scalding retort here)
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