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by REBECCA SPARROW
Last year I was the victim of a verbal hit and run.
I hadn’t even taken a sip when I felt the tap on my shoulder.
Turning around, the smile literally fell off my face when the middle-aged, tracksuit wearing man in front of me, gestured to the can of Coke in my hands and said, “You shouldn’t drink that. It’s bad for the baby.”
Whatchootalkin’ about Willis?
“I’m sorry. What?” I said, my eyes, you know, POPPING OUT OF MY HEAD.
“You shouldn’t drink Coke. It’s bad for your baby.’ And this time he gestured at my sizeable bump.
Then Tracksuit Man walked off. And I continued to stand there, outside a 7-Eleven, with my mouth hanging open, looking not unlike that shouty looking guy in Edvard Munch’s The Scream.
And can I just say that yes, I know you shouldn’t drink Coke and blah blah blah blah blah blahdy blah blah. But after years of being a one-woman Coke-free zone I had a sudden desperate craving for it. And you know it’s Coke. COCA-COLA. Not crystal-meth.
That’s the thing though. Once you’re pregnant, it’s like the rest of the world feels the need to police your pregnancy. So I can’t say I was overly surprised to read this story on BabyCenter about a waiter gone rogue :
Most health experts recommend avoiding alcohol during pregnancy, because there is no clear safe amount. Better to avoid altogether than to risk your baby’s health.
But who is the right person to decide whether a pregnant woman should drink? The woman herself? Her baby’s father? Their health-care professional?
Oh wait. It’s a waiter’s job. Well, at least one waiter thinks it’s her job, as told by a mom-to-be in our community.
BabyCenter Community member preston08 told this story:
“Saturday night my friend, who is visiting from Boston, and I went out to eat. When the server approached the table she wouldn’t look at me. My friend ordered a glass of wine and before the server walked off, I said I would like one as well. She said she can’t serve me. I said, ” my OB says a glass of wine in moderation is ok.”
She replied that she has heard that before and still refused to serve me. I was flabbergasted, embarrassed and downright p*ssed. I ate my meal with my friend and decided not to make a scene.
Most women are willing to undertake no risk at all. I on the other hand did take the risk. Knowing that it’s a choice not all moms would make and not all health care professionals advise – I’ll admit here that in my third trimester my OB gave me permission to have one small glass of red wine a week, and I did have a glass on one special occasion.
Let’s also keep in mind that it seems like every year ‘experts’ feed us a different line about whether alcohol is or isn’t safe during pregnancy. This from BJOG – an international journal of obstetrics and gynaecology:
Low and moderate weekly alcohol consumption in early pregnancy is not associated with adverse neuropsychological effects in children aged five, suggests a series of papers published today in BJOG. However, high levels of alcohol per week were linked with a lower attention span among five year olds.
Meanwhile this is the official statement from the AMA (Australian Medical Association):
Alcohol consumed during pregnancy crosses the placenta and can cause complications of pregnancy and damage to the developing foetus, including foetal alcohol syndrome. The risks are greatest with high, frequent alcohol consumption during the first trimester of pregnancy.
As there is no scientific consensus on a threshold below which adverse effects on the foetus do not occur, the best advice for women who are pregnant is to not consume alcohol. The NHMRC guidelines should clearly state that no level of alcohol consumption during pregnancy can be guaranteed to be safe for the foetus.
So what do you think? Did you or would you drink alcohol during your pregnancy? Would you ever reprimand a mother-to-be if you saw them drinking? If you’ve been pregnant, did anyone every tell you off for the choices you made?
Comments
320 Comments so far
alcohol is dose dependant meaning a little alcohol = a little bit of brain damage. unbelievable
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When I was duffed, the mere smell of booze or cigarettes make me hurl my cookies. It was like my built in insurance policy. Also, cooking meat. And Subway restaurants, but that smell is still nasty. Xx
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Just read a few of the comments, easy to judge when it’s not you in the situation. Right now I want a can of coke, and a thick rare steak, and maybe a ham and cheese sandwich.
Yes I am pregnant, but luckily not yet showing, mine have a rare surf & turf for dinner.
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I think yes it should be up to the mother. But where does it end? Legally a bar should have to serve you 6 glasses of vodka as long a you weren’t drunk. If I were that waiter, I would feel slightly ill at having to serve a pregnant woman wine. Why take the risk, it’s just wine.
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I hear ya! I was pregnant with my now 3 year old and I attempted to buy a ham sandwich from the lunch lady. She stared at me like I was asking for a hit of Heroin then said ‘ham isn’t for you, in your condition’… Wha?!? HAM! Cuckoo alert.
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Had a Coke moment last week. Am 34 weeks pregnant, feel great and had a designated VBF Day – Very Bad Food Day. Have not had coke in an age – pre baby days. Was growled at by an older woman for feeding my baby coke. Took a swig in her face and walked off. Probably should’ve told her how foul her ciggie breath was….
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I’m currently 37 weeks pregnant. I haven’t smoked since I was about 3 weeks pregnant, I haven’t had a sip of alcohol since the night I concieved. I haven’t done illegal drugs. As far as legal drugs I have had one single, normal strength panadol. I have not had a sip of coffee since I was about a month pregnant. I have probably had 2 cans of coke in the entire pregnancy. I don’t clean with strong chemicals. I don’t lift anything heavy. I don’t climb ladders. I think I fairly well avoided all the big “no-no’s” during pregnancy.
YET some stupid old woman told me off for reaching too far while I was passing something to another girl at the supermarket. REACHING TOO FAR!!!!! I passed something to another person, and did not even have to bend my body to do so, and this old hag told me off for reaching too far. This is just INSANE to me.
Just goes to show you will never please everyone!
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Err private businesses are allowed to refuse service for whatever reason they want. as usual, a pregnant self entitled lady needs to chill
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I am a mum of 2, with number 3 on the way. One big lesson I have learned is that motherhood is hard! It is very easy to judge from the outiside – but what is sad is the number of mums who judge eachother. Maybe this is about making ourselves feel better about our decisions and our parenting. I think we should all give eachother a break. We are all part of the human soup and just trying everyday to do the best thing for our families – if that means a glass of wine to help get through the dinner hour – then so be it.
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Oh god you are Soooo right, we need to listen to each and every warning.
stop smoking
stop drinking
stop eating anything but fresh foods
BUT
some doctors come up with the stupidest things
it use to be that ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away’ think agian, a while ago i hear that apples are bad for you
some say that chocolate is now something that should be used to prevent problems with the heart, dark chocolate
others tell us that no chocolate is good it will make you fatter than those matchstick thin waifs in the mags
my most favorite is ‘don’t let the rain hit your face as it will damage you skin’ sure this one came from someone in the beauty industry, but dear god will you just stop listening to the voices outside your head and begin to listen to the one that is always running at the back of your mind. if your body is craving something sweet, it is your body telling you that you need it. if it is calling out for a Vegemite and honey sandwich, you would be best to answer the call.(Just stay close to a bathroom for this one). we are all so worried about what the doctors are telling us to do that we forget, they are humans working from a book that has been written by someone that wants to try saving the world, even if they themselves are less than healthy themselves.
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I don’t like to judge, but when children come into the creche I work in with their bags reeking of smoke and I’ve just seen Mum butt out the smoke in the carpark, and then mum walks in with the child’s asthma medication….in my head I’M GOING TO JUDGE! DISGUSTING
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Sure, pregnant women should probably abstain from alcohol and cigarettes. However, i would be very careful before i judge a woman.
No one is perfect. Where do we stop judging? Anyone eaten highly processed food, drank a coffee, not eaten a well balanced diet, had a glass of coke, eaten a slice of ham, runny egg, soft cheese, rare steak while pregnant? Anyone not done enough exercise, done too much while pregnant?
I think there would be very few pregnant women who are perfect and if you extend that to the non pregnant community at large, there are very few people who are perfect. I think judging other people is unhelpful.
Let decisions lie between pregnant women, their partners and their health care professionals.
I also find it kind of amusing that we chastise women for a wine or a cigarette while pregnant, yet it is unacceptable to judge a woman for using drugs in labour (which are passed onto bub inutero). BTW, i do not judge the use of pain killers in pregnancy, i am merely pointing out the social inconsistency.
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The fact that so many mothers or future mothers are so desperate for alcohol during pregnancy is disgusting. Get over yourself, if you honestly think one glass of wine is worth the risk then do you really think you deserve to be a mother?
When my mother was pregnant, she was told that 10 cigarattes per day was acceptable and healthy. My auntie was told the same thing. For 10 years my aunt/mother were told this. It has since been proven totally wrong. None of us ended up sick as children but both my aunt and mother really resent the doctors now that they know how truly bad it was for us. My brother was 2 weeks early and all 3 of us have crippling anxiety. I had a lecturer once suggest anxiety was linked to smoking during pregnancy as it speeds up the nervous system… I wonder if thered any truth to that. Alcohol is a depressant though, so surely it has some effect on a developing baby. I wouldnt risk it.
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Sorry, can you please speak up a bit? I can’t hear you from up there in your ivory tower.
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seriously? she is talking about her experience and making valid points. did you have to make such a bitchy remark???
it is a worry that people struggle to give up booze for nine months.
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you see “valid points”, I see simplistic, judgmental accusations.
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or maybe she just hit a nerve?
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I vomited nonstop throughout both of my pregnancies – I was lucky to keep water down. The mere thought of alcohol was enough to make me heave.
But good to see that you’re not above a nasty ad hominem attack.
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Please supply the evidence that proves that one glass of wine poses such a risk that it makes someone not deserve to be a mother.
And evidence is more than “I once had a lecturer suggest …”.
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Gee can’t tell much that suffer from anxiety much!!!
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I actually had the opposite problem when I was pregnant. I rarely drink anyway but when I would say ‘no thanks’ to an offer I would get “oh one won’t hurt the baby all the time.” GRRR
Even at my brothers wedding when I was obviously pregnant the waiter kept filling wine glasses at my place. I kept having to ask for a non alcoholic drink the whole night.
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What a timely post, I enjoyed a glass of Pinot over dinner with friends last night & I’m 25 weeks pregnant. Heaven help any other patrons if they dared to comment….
My OB said 1-2 glasses per week is safe.
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I can’t believe the difficulty I had in ordering wine over dinner in Melbourne when I was pregnant. Waiters would often not even ask me if I’d like the wine list…or once everyone had ordered their alcoholic drink walk off not making eye contact with me. I’m not a big drinker but this completely offended me – when did it become the waiter’s job to regulate my alcohol intake just because I was pregnant. When i was 7 months pregnant, my husband and I drove to the peninsula for a 3 course lunch at a beautiful winery. It seems that I was only “allowed” one drink as the waiter asked my husband whether he could match a wine to each course but alas, I was ignored yet again. My hubby thought it was hilarious. It actually became the running joke between us – would the waiter offer me a drink or not??
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I am a waitress and if i had the ability to use ethic practice i would. without a doubt. why would you WANT to drink???? I love drinking but if i found out i was pregnant.. my FIRST priority would be by baby not my immature and unnecessary feeling of being left out when i cant drink. Is it so hard to wait until you finish breast feeding or at the very least end of pregnancy.
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I can presume that any woman who indulges in a delicious small glass of wine during pregnancy isn’t doing it to ‘get wasted’. 3-4 oz isn’t going to get anyone drunk. It is like an occasional ‘treat’ to help one relax (and there ARE healthy properties to wine). I don’t see it as selfish AT ALL. I don’t see anyone refusing to serve chemical/ preservative laden fast food to a pregnant woman which is likely far more damaging than 3 oz of wine. Get a grip, people.
And as for myself, I’m 13 weeks pregant with my first baby. I’m 36 years old, and highly educated. I have made the choice to have 2 glasses of wine (3 oz of red wine) so far in my pregnancy. One glass at Thanksgiving dinner and one glass during my anniversary dinner with my husband. I have read much research on the topic and have discussed it with my nurse midwife. If that is the worst thing that I do during my pregnancy, then god help us all. (I eat organic foods, reverse-osmosis water, use only non-toxic cleaning products in my home, and only organic/ non-toxic personal care products.
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I can remember getting death stares from several restaurant patrons because I was holding a champagne glass for a toast at a friends engagement dinner whilst seven months preggo.
At a wedding I attended at 9 months pregnant I was told by the brides uncle that I should keep in mind that “eating for 2″ was a myth – meaning I had put on too much weight (a-hole!)
I love a drink and really miss it while pregnant. Same with the listeria foods. If I’m really craving something, I go for quality over quantity.
Really, as with any other decisions you make about your body and family, it comes down to being educated and making sensible choices.
The last listeria “outbreak” in Australia that I remember was from vintage cheddar and sundried tomatoes a few years ago – neither of those foods are on the restricted list ( infact cheddar is recommended over soft cheeses!).
I’ve also read in an industry mag that listeria cases are more often linked to animal handling that food in Australia because of our high food standards.
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I don’t think the point of the article was should you or shouldn’t you drink while pregnant. It’s about strangers feeling the need to offer their 2cents worth to expecting mother’s thinking that they know what’s best for someone elses baby.
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What concerns me these days is the risk of chemicals being passed on to unborn babies. Such as foods, cleaning products & even simple things like putting on a dress after it being dry cleaned. Therefore, where I can, I’ve made the choice to go organic & natural to give my baby the best start I can. I can see the future debates in say 30 years time being more on these issues. There are so many chemicals we ingest, inhale or put on our skin which we are unaware of how much damage they are causing as yet. This may / may not be more damaging to a developing foetus than the very moderate glass of wine. Who knows? But it’s something I’m starting to think more about now.
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Ok, I’ve got a few comments…
…this article is mostly about an incident in a California restaurant – the laws in California are irrelevant in Australia!
…the Australian alcohol and food safety guidelines (not laws) for pregnancy are designed to educate people on the risks associated with consumption during pregnancy. Research has shown that there is a risk of damage to the growing foetus but hasn’t yet determined the exact level of that risk. Using this information pregnant women should decide for themselves if they are willing to take the risk.
…people should learn to mind their own business!
My choice when I was pregnant with my 2 kids was to not take the risk
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I drunk 2 coffees a day when pregnant and had and occasional wine after my 1st trimester. My daughter is nearly 3, clever as anything and healthy. I am sick of people commenting about what you should and shouldn’t do, it is my body and my decision, I am not being careless or selfish. So just piss off. people should worry about their own life and not other peoples, especially those people they don’t even know!! Sad, pathetic and judgemental. So over it, if people arent attacking us for how we raise our kids its for what we do when we are pregnant, how quickly we lose the weight, whether we work or not. So I am now saying…piss off, i am over it, I will do what i want, eat what i want and all the haters can go to hell.
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So how do these two things sit together?
Home birthing = terrible crime in case just one baby dies
Alcohol = up to you, who knows? (even though your baby might be the one to be catastrophically affected by a minor dose)
The difference is….?
BTW, caffeine is a very dangerous thing during pregnancy. It increases the effects of other teratogens (i.e. things that are damaging to the development of the baby), both the ones you know the baby might have been exposed to, and those you don’t, and you don’t an individual baby’s susceptibility to environmental toxins. So. I’m not saying this to damn people or say everything should be avoided. It can’t be. The amount of caffeine in chocolate, for example, is miniscule and is not dangerous. However, energy drinks, coke etc. are really high in caffeine, as is coffee, obviously. And pregnant women should really inform themselves about the effects.
Also — use iodised salt!!
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A can of coke has less caffeine than a cup of coffee.
http://www.foodstandards.gov.au/consumerinformation/caffeine/
“caffeine is a very dangerous thing during pregnancy. It increases the effects of other teratogens”
I haven’t ever seen any evidence of this – do you have any links to research?
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This is a bit off topic but for the judgers here who say anyone who has a drink while pregnant is selfish & it is just 9 months etc etc.
Would u judge a breastfeeding mother the same way – the alcohol in her blood is the alcohol is her milk so the baby still gets it too. And if so, maybe u should read what the Aus Breastfeeding Assoc says about that:
“It is generally better to breastfeed with a small amount of alcohol in your system than to feed your baby artificial baby milk. There are risks in feeding your baby artificial baby milk.”
So are YOU the perfect mother NOT having ONE drink during pregnancy and at least the first year of your childs life while you are BREASTFEEDING? Because feeding ur baby formula has risks too!! Get off ur high horses!!!
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I breastfed for 2years and didn’t touch a drop. Then again , I don’t drink, so it made it a lot easier!
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I had an unsettled screamy baby who didnt sleep for almost 12 months. My pediatrician suggested I have a glass of wine before breastfeeding as it may help to calm her down and help her sleep.
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I’m in my 30′s and when I was baby it was pretty common to put a bit of whisky in baby’s bottle to settle them when teething or unsettled… we all turned out OK… didn’t we?!
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Alcohol level of 0.05 while pregnant = directly sharing mum’s blood supply foetus’ level of 0.05.
Alcohol level of 0.05 while breastfeeding = baby ingesting breast milk with a maximum alcohol content of 0.05% – baby’s blood alcohol level will be negligible.
Did you know apple juice left open in the fridge will have a higher alcohol content than breast milk from someone who has had 1 drink?
I wish people would stop and think sometines.
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That is incorrect. Are you aware of the term ‘placental physiology’? It isn’t the same as main-lining the alcohol directly into the placenta. The alcohol is metabolized by the mother and many other factors determine how fast the alcohol is metabolized (3 oz of wine with a full meal) vs 8 oz on an empty stomach. We’re talking about having a 3 oz glass of wine with a MEAL. NO ONE is going to have a .05 BAC from 3 oz of wine with food. Get serious, people! (paranoia)
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Neurotic pregnant women = stressed out mothers = painful children. A glass of wine and a whole lot less pressure/judgement would make for much happier kids (and mothers) in my view.
I drank the occasional glass (or two) in the second and third trimesters of all 3 of my pregnancies and ate whatever. The published scientific studies don’t justify the moral hysteria that masquerades as health warnings in the us and aust. And before you get hysterical- I’m talking about low level occasional drinking- not the 5-7 units a day required before any impact on the FOS spectrum can be discerned.
No one ever confronts the pregnant lady sucking back her winni blues whist sliding her last pineapple into the pokies- but hell hath no fury like a middle aged pearl wearing madam who spots a pregnant lady enjoying a glass of Pinot in a restaurant. Drove me mad!
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When my niece was born, we went out and celebrated with big ole cigars and aged scotch, lots of it. I had come back from holiday OS a few weeks earlier and brought back a carton of Cartier…..smoked them all plus some.
Had a few big weekends after that with parties, going out and mainly just drinking.
THEN, I found out I was pregnant. Well, I hadn’t seen then boyfriend (now hubbie) for a month when I was overseas, he picked me up from the airport, we made up for lost time, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Freakin’ out when I remembered what I’d been drinking and smoking since I was back. OB was cool with that and told me not to worry.
Didn’t touch another drop of alcohol since I found out I was up the duff. Baby was so fine. In fact, so fine he was in the 97th percentile for the first two years of his life and off the charts after that. He is 10 now and nearly as tall as me.
P.S. As for the smoking thing, please don’t judge pregnant women.
It’s incredibly hard to give up. For my first pregancy I cut down to 1-2 a day. He was 10 days late and 8lb 1oz. For the second pregancy I actually stopped. She was 2 days late and 7lb 15oz.
Remember, nicotine is actually more addictive than heroin. I have since given up permanently, but had to resort to prescription drugs to do so.
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I was a smoker when I found out I was pregnant. My doctor and I immediately made a plan for me to quit gradually. And I did. From a pack a day before I found out, jumping down to 3 a day in the first day, to 2 a day, then 1… then 1 every few days, stopping completely by about 4 months. My last one was when I picked up the packet, put it under the wheel of my car and drove over it about 20 times because I was so angry about doing it at all.
When I was in labour and wandering around the corridor, the woman in the room next to me was doing the same and left every so often to have a cigarette. When you are in the late stages of labour and still want a cigarette… well it shows the power of nicotine. I don’t judge her, I was just sad that she wasn’t able to kick it because she obviously wanted to (she was very ashamed). And talking to her partner after the birth, he said the baby was in NICU, 2 weeks overdue but weighing 2.4 kilos with breathing difficulties. I saw the mother a few times as well- she totally loved her baby but still kept going out to smoke, and seemed to be completely tortured. Its a ridiculously strong addiction and anyone who says it is not, has not been through the addiction and its withdrawals. It takes some kind of snap in your brain to stop- some people just never get that snap. And it doesn’t mean that they are selfish or don’t love their child. Nicotine is a bitch from hell.
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I am fully aware as to how addictive nicotine is. My ‘judgment’ that I stated below is actually out of love for my cousin. If you saw the pain and heartache she went through with her kids, you would never pick up a cigarette again. A snap of the brain? One premmie child should do that, but two? She still smokes and planning on having another child. I would add, all her children were planned.
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One word. Champix.
As long as you do not have depressive tendancies and/or anxiety, it is pretty safe. It has some yucky side effects like a daily dose of 10 minute nasuea, but you get over it.
The best thing is that you keep smoking while you take it so you are not going cold turkey or anything.
At one point in time, about 1 – 2 months into the script, you find yourself looking at the ciggie and go, ‘uh, yuck, I no longer want you’.
I was a smoker for 16 years and haven’t touched them ever again for 1.5 years. Hubbie still smokes and instead of thinking ‘hmmmmm, I need a smoke’, I go ‘err, yuck, get away from me you brute’ when he smokes.
This may be the ONLY way for your sister to give up the ciggies which we all know is best for her and her children. She knows it too, but remember smokers are drug addicts and they will do anything to make sure that they have smokes on hand. Have you ever seen the panic and/or sheer sadness on a smoker’s face when they realise that they finished the pack?
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My only angst in pregnancies is smoking. My cousin has 4 kids ranging in age from 1yr old to 14yrs old. She smoked throughout all of her pregnancies. Her now 1 year old and 3 year old were both 7-8 weeks premmie. Her 11yr old has learning difficulties. Was this actually caused by her smoking? Perhaps it would’ve happened anyway. Maybe. Maybe not. Her kids are gorgeous, as is my cousin. I do, however, have to bite my tongue when she talks about the premmie births and how she almost lost her two youngest ones. We told her to quit, she didn’t. As a result, she had to deal with some terrible times that may have been due to her personal choice. So, yes, sometimes I do judge and I can’t apologies for that.
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Whenever I went to parties or pubs during my first pregnancy I would usually ask to have my non- alcoholic beverage put in a wine glass so I could feel like I was drinking! Lucky I didnt get any comments!
During my last trimester I had the odd glass…at weddings..etc…I dont think ONE small glass in a blue moon makes you a bad person. I have heard that the first trimester when all the bubba’s bits are forming is the worst time for alcohol to have an effect and I know of many women who have been drinking for months before they even realised they were pregnant.
I cant believe the people on here that want to string someone up for having a glass of wine!!!! I was pregnant for 42 weeks & breastfeeding for another 13 months and probably had 5 glasses of wine in that whole 2 years.
On another note, I did buy my husband cigarettes a couple of times when I was heavily pregnant – to their credit I didnt get any judgy looks from the cashiers (that i know of) but I stopped doing it just because it made me feel really uncomfortable and horrid.
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I quit smoking when I fell pregnant as it was making me nauseous (yay), but I also occasionally bought smokes for my partner. The looks some people gave were horrible. Pregnancy made me an angry person and it took all that I had not to punch some people!!! Rarely the cashiers, usually others waiting in line.
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I can’t believe this is even a discussion point, drinking or smoking through pregnancy is selfish and irresponsible.
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This comment deserves more likes!!!
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This comment actually requires more research
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really? I thought it was common knowledge that smoking and drinking while pregnant , isn’t a good idea. When people say it’s their right to do whatever they want when their pregnant, they’re right., they can. but it is selfish. what about the rights of the baby? Do your rights to drink and smoke throughout a pregnancy outweigh the rights of a baby who can’t speak for itself yet?
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So glad that you believe the ‘public service announcement’ from 1975 and are sticking with it. However, there is a concept called Evidence Based Practice. We, in the medical community, change our opinion and stances on topics based upon CURRENT RESEARCH. When FAS was first recognized, the message was to avoid alcohol at all costs because we didn’t know what the safe/ unsafe threshold was. We know NOW, after years of observations and qualitative research that it IS indeed safe to have a small amount of alcohol occasionally during pregnancy. This isn’t broadcasted because the ‘general public’ might misconstrue the message and think that it is ok to get plastered during pregnancy. People just need to make educated, reasonable choices for themselves. All things in moderation and balance. Abstaining completely for 9 months of pregnancy AND a year of breastfeeding is unnecessary and over-kill. And, it is always easier for a man or a woman who has never had children to point fingers and call a pregant woman who drinks the rare glass of wine, selfish, because they have NO CLUE how many other sacrifices a pregnant woman has to make. I had to go off my ADD medication, my prescription sleeping pills, I gave up Advil (the only thing that works for my headaches), I gave up my beloved diet coke, coffee, my Retin-A for my acne, certain personal care products, I gave up HAPPY HOURS with my girlfriends, etc etc etc. I am entitled to relax with a small, good glass of shiraz with a good meal, and I savor EVERY drop. Oh, and I’m also a pediatric nurse practitioner.
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Your choice to drink, not your babies, very irresponsible attitude.
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Yes, if you cant put you’re babies interests ahead of your own for 9 months, plus breastfeeding time, then you may need to think again whether you are ready to be a parent.
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I am currently 34 weeks pregnant and heaven help anyone who tells me that I can’t have my daily can of coke!
I had a friend who was drinking Piña Coladas (on her baby moon) in the last month of her pregnant – each to their own – so my vice seems tame in comparison.
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I am a big believer of freedom of choice and human rights; but I’m also a huge believer of not having the right to destroy or risk destroying another life. Especially a growing baby. I would definitely feel responsible serving alcohol to a pregnant woman (if it was clearly for her and not for someone else) and I’d be worried if this didn’t make waiters/bartenders feel uncomfortable too. Bartenders don’t serve drunk people and we take the keys from those who are about to drive – are we only allowed to step in, if it’s against the law? Taking car keys from drunks, stepping in when someone is beating someone else etc Most have been educated about the dangers of alcohol whilst pregnant, so I do agree with the duty of care, people may feel when they encounter this.
Coke and burgers are one thing, but alcohol is another. No one saying anything to a pregnant women who is drinking booze, is far worse than someone who does speak up.
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I was pregnant and had a craving for a Hungry Jacks BaconDoubleCheese burger – something I haven’t eaten in about 10 years. Anyway, the server told me she didn’t want to give it to me because I was pregnant. I actually asked for it extra hot to make sure it was ok. I asked to speak to the manager and told him how unimpressed I was that she didn’t want to serve me.
The other thing is – I might not have been pregnant, for all she knew. Yes, I really did look it. But I also know a woman who had liver cancer and had bloating due to the cancer that made her look exactly like she was pregnant. It’s no-one’s business but mine, my husband’s and my doctor’s what I do while pregnant.
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The fascinating thing about this is, do you think the same server would have any problem whatsoever serving actual children the same junk food? Why no moral obligation to decline service then?
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well there were plenty of kids in there eating, so I’d say no, no problem!
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Perhaps this was an overraction by the owner of the establishment in this case but consider where this story is from. Had the establishment served this woman alcohol knowing she was pregnant, would that lead to legal issues down the track if the writer had been a closet alcoholic? Or if this was, in fact, the 3rd or 4th establishment she’d visited that day for a drink?
Sure, it’s a stretch but I think the owner was covering his own hide way ahead of being overly concerned about the writer’s predicament and choices.
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I tend to think that as well, though it is a pretty brave (and possibly stupid) restaurant manager who refuses a patron booze.
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My reasons for not drinking were influenced by a demonstration I saw to encourage Indigenous communities not to drink while pregnant due to the high rates of foetal alcohol syndrome.
This woman cracked an egg into a bowl and then poured a standard drink of vodka over it (vodka because it is clear). The alcohol cooked the white of the egg.
This was significant as there is apparently a similarity in the albumen to the brain.
there is an effect, but the result will always vary.
To temper that, my mum was always trying to give me Guinness ‘to help my milk come in’
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Well, I am not really a huge drinker, but I really wanted to celebrate with a glass of champas at my brothers wedding…I had styled the whole wedding, made all the decoration, went to the flower market, made the boquets, and the flowers for the wedding, designed and made the invites and I did it on crutches, and i was in pain every second of my pregnancy…so i had a glass of champagne which i mixed with juice…and I am telling the world..that if one person even glanced at me funny for doing it, i would have had no problem sticking my crutches up their butt! try and imagine every time you take a breath or move slightly, your pelvis grinds quite a lot(and u can hear it) and then continue to add more and more weight to the fragile pelvis every day as it get way looser than it should be….anyone who was going to tell me i couldnt have 1 little glass of champagne, was going to feel what it was like to have a grinding pelvis all of their own
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that would really really piss me off. i had the sporadic glass of wine during both pregnancies and i would NURSE that baby (the wine) for hours all through dinner…stopping the waiter from refilling it and GOD FORBID if they tried to take away my inch or centimeter remaining! you know how waiters sometimes do that?
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8 months pregnant with my first child and out for Christmas lunch with my in-laws. Waiter is pouring everyone’s wine, he gets to me and asks if I would like one, before i had a chance to answer, mil says “she can’t, pregnant”. I promptly said yes please and enjoyed every single drop of that one glass of bubbles that my obs had said was fine for me to have. I take the advice of my specialist over an interfering and unqualified stranger, family member or other any day of the week.
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Precisely, it’s no one’s business except the woman and her doctor. Everyone else should butt out.
I once had a barista have a go at me for drinking coffee when I was pregnant. My husband reckons I should have answered ‘yeah, but the crack cocaine I had last night was so intense I need it to calm me down’ (!!)
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Oh my god, so funny! I just remembered with my second pregnancy I started craving frozen cokes. I used the local drive-thrus about every other day! Once my son was born, I couldn’t stand the taste of them again…
With my daughter, it was chocolate milkshakes during the last trimester…
I had a couple of sips of my husband’s wine during both pregnancies but just avoided alcohol really. I think I might have had a couple of lite beer shandy’s (heavy on the lemonade) with my second pregnancy.
I heard of a woman my sis-in-law knows who drank to tipsiness levels frequently during her pregnancy and thought that was quite worrying. And I still grimace when I see an obviously pregnant woman smoking. Yikes!
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oh, frozen cokes, me too!! I absolutely craved them sssoooo badly! It was so hard to stick to one every few days. Like you, I don’t think I have had one since my son was born 4 years ago!
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There is no law that prevents a pregnant woman from having a glass of wine, however in my opinion it reveals an incredibly immature and selfish character. Show some restraint for crying out loud. Maybe the waiter did wrong in telling you want to do on many different levels (law, company policy, moral), but I cannot see how this is an issue in face of your little game of Russian Roulette. If I were put in a situation of being either the father of your baby, the caterer of your table, a friend or a parent, I would feel incredibly uncomfortable. So even in a context without the baby, why would you do this to them?
Lets say someone takes a photo of you sipping a glass of wine in some bar, visibly pregnant; years later your son/daughter confronts you with it asking “Hey back in 2012 there were no good study clearing alcohol as safe to consume during pregnancy. Why take the risk while carrying me?”. Or better yet, they somehow come across this blog.
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You know what. You could do everything you think is right and still have your grown child complain to you years later.
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This is so true.
I know someone who blames their tendency to weight fluctuation (not OVER-weight, just goes up and down a little) solely on the fact that her mother used jelly beans as an incentive for toilet-training! WTF?
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Totally agree, its nine months, why take the risk?
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My mother smoked through all nine months of her pregnancy with me, and had the occaisonal drink – I don’t care for a second. I’d never blame her for what she did with her body, its hers and hers alone. And for the record, I wasn’t premature, and am completely healthy.
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How dare u suggest I am immature for having a champagne at my sisters wedding when I was pregnant, or drinking coffee, or (shock!) maybe having some ham!!!! And you are so perfect i suppose?? well, maybe we will ask YOUR kids in years to come thier gripes with you. I am sure there will be many.
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I had a few drinks all the way though my first pregnancy, and he is healthier than the child in which i did not drink, and she has many allergic reaction to lots of foods.
So it a should only be up to the women and her partner, as to what she eats and drinks.
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I am nearly 3 months
not an alcohol drinker but I am or was a coke drinker!! I used to get lectures for drinking it every day I had a mini coke – not even a full size one when I wasnt pregnant – now I don’t crave them so much?! My sister had the occasional wine in all 3 of her pregnancies & I have 2 beautiful nieces 1gorgeous nephew – it should b a womens individual right to choose what she does & doesn’t eat & drink
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I’m in the second trimester of my second pregnancy, and I’ve chosen not to drink alcohol as we don’t really know what the risks are.. And my MIL always tries to encourage me to have a drink. Does anyone else have this problem?!! Drives me a bit around the bend.
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Yes! My MIL put out a port glass with dinner last night so I could have a portion-controlled glass of champagne. She forgets that I wasn’t much of a drinker before I was pregnant!
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Yes, mine! In both of my pregnancies my mil could not understand why I would not be drinking?! In my last trimester of my first pregnancy it was summer and Christmas celebrations ect she would say “so you’re still not drinking? I thought that was just for the beginning?”..
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I used to have the odd glass while pregnant. I actually think it was healthier for me to sip a weak spritzer over a couple of hours while at the pub than to drink gallons of sugary soft drink (which for some reason I just can’t sip!). I never had more than one in any 24 hour period and probably averaged about one weak spritzer a week for the whole pregnancy. I would not have let that waiter get away with it!
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I think that it’s wrong, wrong, wrong to try to force your opinion on someone !
Today it’s coke. Who knows what it will be tomorrow ? What to eat. What to think.
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My husband and his brothers are pretty thick. I putnitbown to his mother binge drinking and smoking while pregnant. Or maybe just bad genes!
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When I found out I was pregnant (it was a surprise) the doctor said to me “what are the 4 things you can’t do when you are pregnant?” I answered, smoke, drink, take drugs, eat and drink certain foods – he said “no, the only things you absolutely can’t do when you are pregnant is horse ride, sky dive, Bungy jump and scuba dive”
I still didn’t smoke, take drugs or eat certain foods but I did have one glass of champagne at a wedding after my mum (who is a midwife) said it was ok – that was enough for me because I was too paranoid lok
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wooah..that’s rich..when i was pregnant 16 years ago..my doctor and a pediatrician actually said to have a glass or two of wine..said there was nothing wrong with it..that even his wife had a glass or two when she was pregnant..that it helped you relax..i stared at hime like he had three heads and thought he was bonkers! lol..didn’t touch a drop until way after he was born. was told by an english midwife to have a small glass of stout to help bring down milk..(erm..which i did)
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I chose not to drink during my pregnancy for many reasons, one of them being that I just didn’t feel like alcohol. I had one miniscule champagne at Christmas time but that was pretty much it. I know many others who had a glass of wine on the odd occasion and that it was approved by their obs. At the end of the day it is the individuals decision based on what knowledge and understanding they have about the risks it may or may not pose the pregnancy and feotus. I have barely touched alcohol since the baby’s birth because it seems I just don’t like it any more….waaaahhhhh!!!!
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When I was pregnant with my first, I didn’t drink any alcohol, soft cheeses etc like was recommended because I decided the tiniest risk wasn’t worth it. I didn’t drink coffee firstly because even the smell made me gag, and secondly, I had been told that too much caffine was good for the baby. I occasionally drank coke because I CRAVED it. Thing is I don’t normally drink coke because I find it too sweet.
This time around I didn’t even know I was pregnant so was drinking coffee for a few weeks before I knew I was pregnant and have decided that one every second day isn’t likely to hurt. No coke cravings this time (or at least not yet). i’m still not drinking alcohol or eating the soft cheese etc as the same reason as last time.
I think there is enough information out there that people have to make their own judgement call and live with their choices. Its not anyone’s place to tell them what to do whilst they are pregant.
I actually had quite a few people telling me I could drink alcohol, eat all sorts of things that aren’t recommended that you don’t and was often told I was being paranoid. I politely as I could told them it was my choice and the risks weren’t worth it to me and that I wasn’t interested in their opinion on it. 99% of people respected that, although there were the odd few who rolled their eyes and labelled me the “Ridculously paranoid expecting mum”. I did’t really bother speaking with those people after those comments.
Thank god my profession has given me a think enough skin not to give a damn about what others think.
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This reminds me of an exchange between my friend and I: pregnant at the same time, I quit smoking as soon as I discovered I was (accidentally) pregnant. My friend didn’t, claiming it would be more stressful for the baby if she quit, or some other ludicrous justification, anywho, I said nothing… A year later, we meet up at a cafe and I mention how I love my daily coffee, and ask what she’s having… She looked at me pointedly and said “decaf for me, I’m breastfeeding” knowing that I was too. I couldn’t believe the hypocrisy, considering I said nothing while she smoked through her pregnancy! Haha
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I hear you! I work with a woman whose kids have been having sleepovers at grandparents and various other relatives houses uo to 4 nights per week every week since they were babies so her and her husband can still go out at night! Sometimes they dont see them for 3 days because granny does the daycare run too……yet she boasts her kids only eat her home made organic food and that makes her feel like shes a better mum than others.
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I don’t normally leave a response but feel I need to share my experience…
I recently had my first child (a girl, 2 weeks old tomorrow!) and I actually had the opposite experience. I felt like there was pressure on me to ‘break the rules’ ie. drink alcohol, eat soft cheese, eat cold prawns etc. This came primarily from one close friend in particular but other people as well. And to put it in context I wasn’t being over the top about food – eg. my general rule about deli meats was if it was steaming hot (like on a pizza) it was ok.
The pressure really annoyed me because it made me feel silly for taking advised precautions to keep my unborn baby safe.
It may have been a long time between slices of fromagais d’affinois but it was well worth the wait!
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I had that same experience, constantly, oh come one won’t hurt, oh you don’t want ham? I ate it all through my pregnancy didn’t do me any harm, Oh that’s right your not drinking are you? what about a small one? why won’t you have one? and on and on and on it went from many many different woman…drove me insane, I have endured the same nagging for 3 pregnancies. I honestly don’t know how I kept my cool.
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Congratulations on the safe arrival of your little girl!
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I have a 2 week old too! Congrats! And this is EXACTLY my experience from a few friends. Especially the cheese. One friend in particular told me I was shocking my body by stopping eating soft cheese…err, I barely eat it so I’m fairly sure there will be no shock! I was happy to abstain from these foods and alcohol as I felt it was the right decision for me and my baby.
God, it annoyed me so much!
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Congratulations on your baby girl
I had the same experience too and people automatically thought I was judgemental and/or pathetic because I didn’t want to drink or eat certain foods. I got teased a lot and it really made me sad because I was just doing what I felt was best for my baby and I.
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Oh totally!!! I found that My Mum and her generation would go on and on about how “in their day” they drank and ate cheese and all these rules were silly…I just kept telling them, ‘yes thats true, but the rate of miscarriage and still borns and babies born with health issue was so much higher back then as well” thats usually shuts them up a bit! Congrats on your bubby!!
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