A few years ago, the idea of sleeping for eight hours – hell, sleeping for two hours – uninterrupted was like a fantasy in the realm of winning Lotto or marrying Ryan Gosling. That’s because my then five-month old daughter Coco was waking up to eight times every night to have her dummy re-plugged.
Even now, those days, months, are a grey blur. I remember stumbling up and down the hallway in the dark every night and barely being able to answer my sympathetic girlfriends who asked me “how was last night?”. Simply because I couldn’t remember. It was all a blur of crying and waking and soothing and stumbling back to bed and more crying and getting up and being out of my mind with exhaustion so that I often felt hollow.
You see, that’s the thing with sleep deprivation. It goes way beyond just being tired. It starts to pull at the threads of your family. Your ability to think clearly. To stay rational. It affects your relationships. Your work. Your partner’s work. And worst of all your ability to enjoy your baby and any other children you may have.
Five years ago I felt like I was losing my mind.
[NOTE: You can download singer, song-writer, performer and mother, Amity Dry's beautiful song that accompanies this video here on iTunes. Run don't walk.]
And that’s when I met Elizabeth Sloane.
Elizabeth was recommended to me by a friend who said Elizabeth had this magic ability to teach babies from six-months-old how to sleep.
And so I called her – in tears – as hundreds of other exhausted mothers do every year.
When Coco turned 6 months old (OK, she may have been 5 and a half months and I may have fudged her age JUST A WEEE BIT) Elizabeth came to my home and gave Coco what she called ‘the gift of sleep’ teaching her in 3-nights how to give up the dummy and instead self-settle. (I should point out that according to Elizabeth, Coco had the worst dummy addiction she’d ever seen. Fabulous. That’s my girl. )
Two years later Elizabeth came back to teach my son the same thing. They’ve both been sleeping through the night ever since.
What I loved the most about Elizabeth from the first time we met in person – other than her completely calming presence and beautifully warm personality – is that she loves babies. Adores them. Best of all, she’s passionate about what she does. Elizabeth truly believes that every child deserves to be getting a good night’s sleep for the sake of their growth, development and their general well-being. She also feels that making a child dependent on their mum or dad to get to sleep isn’t fair on the child.
With all that in mind, I decided I wanted to share Elizabeth’s wisdom — actually her entire, clever, brilliant program – with exhausted mothers everywhere who don’t live in Sydney or who might not be able to afford their own sleep whisperer but who are as sleep-deprived as I was.
So … Elizabeth, Mamamia’s own Bec Sparrow and I have joined forced to bring you Mamamia Publishing’s very first eBook “The Gift of Sleep” which harnesses Elizabeth’s 20 years of experience and reveals her ENTIRE program – showing you step-by-step how to teach your baby to sleep through the night, self-settling every time they naturally wake.
This program won’t be for everyone. Elizabeth is the first to say that you should do what works for YOUR family. So if you’re currently getting up to your baby at night and it’s not affecting you … great! Do what is best for you and your child. But if you – or someone you know – feels at breaking point because of lack of sleep — then you need to run, not walk, to get this book.
And yes, it’s the perfect gift for a friend or relative.
All those hours of rocking, patting, singing, dummy-plugging and feeding your little one to sleep (only to tiptoe out of the room and have them start bawling before you’ve made it past the end of the cot). The drives in the car. The laps round the lounge room with the pram. The elaborate routines I’ve done, Bec’s done and thousands of you have done – ARE still doing – to get our children to sleep. The routines that inevitably wear you down and wear you out. It’s all about to be replaced with SLEEEEEEEP.
What I know is that “The Gift of Sleep” will change the life of every sleep-deprived parent and every exhausted baby who wakes throughout the night.
And I should know. Because it changed mine.
To instantly download your copy of The Gift of Sleep ($19.95), go to www.thegiftofsleep.com.au. Do you know a mother who could use The Gift of Sleep? If you have a girlfriend, sister, cousin, daughter, neighbour or friend who is currently in the fog of sleep-deprivation, buy her a copy for Mother’s Day. After all, the ultimate gift you can give a mother is the gift of sleep.
341 Comments so far
I havent slept for more than about two hours straight in over a fortnight. P is 9 months old and I have always fed her to sleep, I always said that if something is working keep doing it until it becomes a problem. It’s now a problem.
I am so tired all the time, and my poor hubby is getting up at 5 every morning to let me sleep for the two hours between 5 and 7 when he goes to work.
I hope this works for me, I miss enjoying my time with P.
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Elizabeth Pantley has some suggestions about gently weaning your baby off feeding to sleep, in her book The No Cry Sleep Solution. My daughter fed to sleep for every sleep until she was about 6 months old, and then just stopped of her own accord. So your bub may grow out of it soon! I actually hated it when it stopped – lost my “fail safe” method of getting her to sleep! Hang in there.
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Oh Sam I could have written those EXACT words. My experience totally too. It starts fine then becomes impossible!
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Sammie
This book was written for mums just like you. Please give it a go. I tell you, that if you stick with the program and stay consistent it will work. It’s just so very hard to parent when you’re getting no real sleep. Hang in there! xxxx
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Sounds great – I know a few people that could do with this book! I also curious about it ..I followed sos for the cot & it worked for a few months until
wonder if this will help me with a 3 year go back to sleeping on her own bed instead of mummy’s?!??
Cot refusal – did not work for big bed- we couldn’t handle the screaming all night & the getting out of bed every hour
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Hi N
Yes there’s a section in there about “bed-hopping” little people!!!! Actually there’s a tip in there that I think is pretty genius for little kids who keep getting out of bed! Good luck!!
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Go MM e-publishing!
I have been truly blessed with two good sleepers. I basically did what my mother and grandmother did, not keep them awake too long, wrap them up, put them down. Never a dummy in sight. But I have no idea what I would have done if mine hadn’t 9 times out of 10 just put themselves to sleep and 1 time out of 10 grizzled for 5 minutes.
Mine also spontaneously started sleeping 12 hours at night, Red Rocket at 6 weeks and Little Lad at 3.5 months. I was all geared up with little lad to do something like Elizabeth’s routine when he was 6 months old, I thought there was no way you could have two babies who spontaneously slept through like that without doing anything.
I write this not to make the sleep deprived feel bad, but to give them hope and also those who are planning on kids – they come in all shapes and sizes. Mine make me violently ill the entire time I’m pregnant, the little blighters make my organs shut down for heaven’s sake! But they sleep.
(except in the car. Red Rocket first fell asleep in the car at 3.5 years old. And its only ever happened once. Little Lad hasn’t yet. But I’m just grateful he doesn’t scream every time he is put in it like Red ROcket did!)
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Makes for an enjoyable parenting experience doesnt it? Mine were the same, and now I am terrified about having a third as I am sure it will come back to haunt me tenfold…
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Yes I have a great sleeper with my first. Now pregnant again I fear I may not be so lucky this time!
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I followed Tizzy Hall’s Save our Sleep from day 1. I can honestly say I haven’t suffered from exhaustion or sleep deprivation since my baby was born because of it. Some days I was a little tired from the night feeds but certainly not sleep deprived. Since 12 weeks my baby has slept from 7pm-7am with no problem. And before that I would wake for a quick 5 minute feed then back to sleep. I can’t tell you how liberating it is to be able to put your baby to bed laughing and smiling at 7pm and then cook and eat dinner with your husband.
I know it’s all down to Tizzy. Couldn’t recommend it highly enough.
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Personality wise – my baby was a ‘tension increaser’ when crying. Within minutes she would work herself up to acute distress – high pitched, frenzied crying. It was heart breaking. We needed to comfort her and be with her as she needed it until just over one, then gradually and gently taught her how to sleep alone. She is an awesome sleeper now. I so wish she could have learned this earlier but we tried the crying and it was awful with a side of horrendous.
Does Elizabeth have any advice for these kinds of super-intense babies? I’d love some input for next time!
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Same Valerie. The quicker Im in to plug the dummy, the quicker i am back in bed myself. Let the crying go 5 mins & i have 1.5hrs of settling ahead of us. Longer than that and I will be cleaning up vomit.
not up for that…
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same… my solution has been co-sleeping. works for all of us… and there’s nothing I love more than snuggling up with a warm, chubby little baby!
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Yep, some nights (if by the time ive crept back to bed & he’s up again) i just take him into the spare bed & snuggle til morning.
I used to worry about the ‘bad habits’ i was making but now i just enjoy it. I havent slept for more than 3hrs in a row (& thats the best night!) for 18months but as long as i can function happily during the day & get him in bed by 7:30 so i can have some ‘me’ (& hubby) time, everything is ok. It cant last forever right? ;P
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Bookmarked!! Hopefully will need to buy it in 11+ months (frozen embryo transfer date set for mid-june!)
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Fingers crossed!!! xxxx
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Good luck for your transfer. x
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Elizabeth is THE BEST, Chuck out the rest!
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That video made me ovulate. TOO CUTE.
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Although not so much in the middle of the night.
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What a tremendous idea
))))
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Can you use this method on a two year old?
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Hi Anon
Yes you can! Elizabeth has solutions for children aged 6 months to 5 years old! There’s a separate program for toddlers who are in cots. And another for children who are sleeping in ‘big beds’!
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If it has Rebecca Sparrow’s writing in it I am tempted to buy it and I don’t even have a baby. Well done on another first Mamamia
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Mum? Is that you?
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Oh I am more than excited. I am getting ready to sleep!
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I have been at wits end trying to cope wih my 8 month old who is yet to sleep through the night. I just don’t know what it is that I’m doing wrong. Have just purchased the book and hope it can help. thank you!
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My guess is, you are not doing anything wrong! Each baby is different, and the pressure that everyone puts on you from day 1 about “is your baby a GOOD baby, ie one that SLEEPS” is just completely insane. My daughter was *never* a good sleeper early on, and was completely atrocious from around 8 – 13 mos, and gradually improved until 18 mos, at which point she became golden! She is now 2 years and 3 months, and in the last week has started waking up in the morning, getting out of bed and turning on her lamp, and then getting *back* in bed with some books and toys. The lady from my mothers group who (in desperation) went to sleep school at 8 months now has a 2 year old that sleeps in her bed *every* night. The pressure I had put on my by family, my partners friends, my mothers group, to “train” my daughter to sleep was CRAZY. It is a development issue, and each kid develops differently. I am no hippy – I am a professional in inner city Melbourne, but letting my daughter cry was just not for me. Yes most kids do stop protest crying pretty quickly. Just do yourself a favour and spend 5 minutes researching WHY, and then decide what you want to do. Sorry, this is turning into a more general comment. It seems like absolute hell when you are living through it – I would go to a park with my daughter and have a good cry every morning – but it does end. Almond croissants and a strong coffee in the morning were my weapons of choice. For anyone looking for a gentle alternative, I highly highly recommend Pinky McKay – she came to my house twice, and she is *fantastic*. Good luck!!
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Almond croissants & coffee, what a great idea. I love Pinky McKay too!
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Thanks for your comment, so true for me. My daughter is 9 months, waking 4-6 times a night at least, and I have had so much pressure from other people to just let her cry, but I can’t do it.
I’ve just read ‘the no-cry sleep solution’, and found it encouraging, and will follow some of her suggestions.
Only problem is I’m on my own, as my husband is working overseas for a couple of months, so am on survival mode until then,
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Good luck, my hubby is o/s for just three weeks….he was never much help at night, but that extra pair of hands during the day makes all the difference. Make sure to ask for help – the first week he was away DD was sick, and I asked neighbours I barely know to go to the chemist for me, which they happily did, it was a huge help. All the best.
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Also one thing I did at that age was have a rolled up mattress under her cot, and often slept on that. Co-sleeping didn’t work for us, she was too wriggly, but she just needed my presence in order to sleep. Now she says “get out my room!” when it is bed time! Charming!
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Hi Joanna
I think the key is to do what is right for you and your family. Nobody should feel ANY pressure to follow any program or routine. Some parents are able to get up during the night and not be negatively impacted by it at all. While others who may be chronically sleep-deprived for months or years find that it is starting to impact their emotional well-being and their ability to enjoy parenting.
I’m pleased to hear that what you did worked for you! The croissants sound like a yummy idea!
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Hi Rebecca. It certainly did have a massive impact on me, and on my marriage as well (luckily a temporary impact!!) I don’t mean to downplay that at all, it absolutely sucked. But my concerns about the detriment the sleep training could cause to my daughter (and my belief that babies learn to sleep in their own time if allowed to develop at their own pace) outweighed my concerns about the impact the lack of sleep was having on me….in the scheme of my life, it was a short momemnt in time. There were certainly times where I had to walk out of the room for my own sanity, but those were the exception rather than the rule. Who knows, maybe if she hadn’t finally come good at 18 months I would have “caved”, run out of steam, but I think those really hard yards have created a fantastic solid base for sleep going forward.
To be honest, I was made to feel a pariah because I would NOT sleep train my daughter. What a strange world we live in!
As a first port of call, rather than training our babies to sleep, I think we should first as a society to (1) have *realistic* expectations about baby sleep – educate new parents about the wide range of sleep habits of babies and why some babies take longer to sleep through than others – and (2) support each other….with meals, with watching each others bubs so we can catch some zzzzs, with whatever the friend going through the period of sleep deprivation most needs. We personally had no family support (both my parents have passed away and my husband’s parents were interstate and of no help), so that certainly made it tougher.
The crazy expectations our society has about baby sleep were recently brought home to me when I went to get Phenergen to have if required for a US trip with my (17kg/3 ft tall) 2 year old. The chemist refused to give it to me, even with a prescription, and then he realised he had mis-read her birthdate, and she was in fact older than 2. I said ‘oh, do you have lots of parents of one year olds in her trying to get Phenergen?’ and he said ‘ONE year olds? Babies! I have parents of babies in here trying to get Phenergen to get their babies to sleep’. And I just thought “we have totally lost the plot!!!”
Anyway, I am really passionate about this, and just thought it is good to have a few different views represented – the “gentle” school doesn’t get much publicity in the mainstream media – it is all about people like Elizabeth and Tizzie!
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I really appreciated your comment. I too worry about our expectations of babies and their sleeping habits. I agree that we need to be more accepting of a range of behaviours and as you mentioned find ways to support one another. At the end of the day, you need to do what works for you and follow your instincts. My son was until recently (14 months) a terrible sleeper and it was taking a huge toll on my family and I. I spent many hours looking into the range of approaches and tried a few with little success. I decided that controlled crying was not for me and controlled comforting only seemed to contribute to my son’s distress. I often felt like my reluctance to do sleep training in the style of Tizzie, Elizabeth, Tresilian etc was judged as a sign that I was not “desperate enough”, that I just hadn’t reached breaking point yet. In fact I had, but I tried to make the best decision for my son and I. As it turns out our paed diagnosed my son with hayfever (of all things!). It was causing him to wake frequently in a very distressed state multiple times every night, he was often agitated and a very picky eater. He is now on medication and from the first night I gave it to him he has pretty much slept through. I am finally starting to feel human again
I’m so glad that I followed my instincts when I knew something was not right and I had tried my very best. To anyone who is in the thick of it now, wishing you strength, patience and zzzzzzzzz.
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It’s fine for you to make the decision not to seek help or the support of a program to deal with sleep issues but not all of us are prepared or able to go that way.
Please don’t make other women feel guilty about trying different options. Everyone deals with sleep deprivation differently and some of us just cannot cope. And a mother who is not coping can have devastating effects on the whole family.
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I love that you are so anti sleep training but were prepared to give your 2 year old phenergan! Isn’t it ironic. There are plenty of mothers/ families who have happily taught their kids to sleep using a variety of methods who would never consider medicating or purchasing medication ‘just in case’ in order to cope with international travel.. Just saying..
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Hi there, I really hope I do not need to use the Phenergen. But we are going to see our US family for the first time (I am a dual citizen), and I felt that I owed it to the other 200+ people on a 15.5 hour non stop flight from Sydney to Dallas to have it with my in case of emergency, ie my daughter becomes very upset from being in an unfamiliar circumstance, and I am unable to calm her down, or is unable to sleep and gets disruptive to other passengers. I would never use it at home when it was just me suffering her being awake – then I am quite happy to be responsible for her at any time, day or night. But I just have no idea what to expect on this flight, and feel as a responsible person who could potentially have a really adverse impact on a number of other people if the trip goes pear shaped, then it is something I should have up my sleeve. I certainly hope I do not need it, as I agree, it is less than ideal.
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Can I just say that it’s best to try out the phenergan before you get on the plane? Some kids have a paradoxical reaction and become hyperactive. You really don’t want to find out that your child is one of those on a plane.
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Your NOT doing anything wrong!!!!!! Some babies are crap sleepers and sometimes in those early frantic months we do what ever we can to get them back to sleep quickly and quietly. So in the process we probably create a few problems that might need to be worked on later down the track.
My 2 babes have been completely different, one who needed rocking (and by rocking I mean doing the nutbush for 20 minutes) to get to sleep. I did a “camping out” technique with him at about 10 months and it worked a treat for the most part (check it out at child & youth health an SA gov website). My next had a self soother from early on who STILL hardly ever slept through the night. Now at nearly 2 she is not a self soother at all and still wakes up most nights! NO FAIR!! Looking around for some solutions now that don’t involve too much crying but I am resigned to the fact that it might have to involve a just a bit. So much harder in a toddler though.
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Sorry about the exclamation marks, but I’m a little bit excited! Mia, I remember you talking about Elizabeth a long time ago and my daughter just WON’T sleep properly. Thank you, I will be giving this a shot.
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That video is gorgeous (and I am RIGHT in the midst of newborn sleep deprivation right now)…babies are so beautiful. Checking this out for the moment mine is old enough!! I can tell already it ain’t going to be easy – quite jealous of those magic babies that sleep great from day 1!
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Much the same as Tizzie Hall teaches in her Save Our Sleep book. Except she gets absolutely flamed and called cruel and an advocate for controlled crying. I wonder if Elizabeth will get the same treatment in the comments?
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I was wondering the exact same thing haha. I personally loved Save Our Sleep :O) each to their own though.
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I bought SOS but just couldn’t make it work for me. I found the advice not specific enough. I’m desperate. I haven’t slept in 2 years (two kids 14 months apart). I’m off to check it out.
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Hi Anon!
LOL! There are actually several key differences between Tizzy’s program and Elizabeth’s program in terms of how they work. And I can promise you that The Gift of Sleep does not advocate shutting the nursery door and leaving babies to cry in distress. Thanks for your comment! Happy Friday!
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Good to know, I’ve met a few Mums who end up traumatised after using SOS…
Speaking for myself I’ve learnt that there’s ‘crying’ and ‘crying’, but neither of them (in my opinion) are solved by extended CIO. One friend asked me how long our girl cried for before she fell asleep, I looked at them blankly – maybe 30 seconds of grizzling… who wants to fall asleep distressed every night?
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Tizzy doesn’t promote letting babies cry in distress…
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I believe she used to – there was a section on your baby crying until it threw up. I remember reading it on a mums forum I used to frequent. Apparently she changed it a few years ago.
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I would advise reading the actual book not a forum as SOS has never been about controlled crying and definitely doesn’t advocate a baby throwing up.
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Actually I read this very section of SOS recently. It was talking about children who work themselves up and then vomit as a way of getting attention. I decided that this wasn’t an approach I was comfortable with. I do have friends who have found SOS to be very helpful though.
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Guest – really?? I have SOS and have never come across this section. She doesn’t endorse using a method that allows a child to throw up from stress. That is crazy! She might (although I didn’t read it) say that there are some babies who might do this, but she would only be stating them as an example. She doesn’t even use controlled crying.
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Was the LOL really needed? Came across rather nasty. Tizzie Hall doesn’t suggest you shut the door and let your baby cry either. She is very much against controlled crying and tells mothers that if your baby is crying (and not protesting) you SHOULD go in to them.
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Sorry Anon, that was no my intention at all!!!! I was trying to keep things light! Sorry!! It’s so easy to mis-read tone when you’re reading comments.
And I am not for a moment saying that SOS does advocate leaving babies to cry. I’m just trying to bring the focus back to the Gift of Sleep and point out what our program is about. Thanks for your comment.
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